His Calling
by FirstYear
Summary: Remus' brother was first. Now his mother knows how to prepare a son. Remus' story, through the marauder's years. Peter, James, Sirius and in later chapters Tonks, all major characters in the story.Mild warnings for later chapters and language.
1. The First

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling **

**Chapter One**

* * *

Rhea put the plates on the table and levitated the pot from the back burner to join them. She wasn't about to take time to set a fancy table, not tonight when everything was coming undone. First their best brood sow, now two cows, gone. She slammed the flatware down and headed for the door to call Anthony and Remus.

"Come eat!" she yelled through the screen door. "I'm not keeping it hot, so if you aren't coming at least send the boy."

Remus leaned forward from his cross-legged position, braced himself with his arms, and stood up. "You coming? Mum sounds right upset she does."

"Nah, I'll heat it up later. You run along before she has your arse," Anthony muttered as he cranked the winch, pulling the barbed wire taunt before hammering a two-pronged nail into it, to hold it fast to the fencepost. "We lose one more and we don't eat this winter, now run along."

"I can stay and help." The small boy looked up hopefully. "I bet I can turn the winch, if you just let me…"

"I told you what to do, now go." Anthony stopped to glare at his son, waiting until he started to walk away.

He watched Remus run his sleeve under his nose and saw the slump of his shoulders. "Remus, just … go eat first. You can help better on a full stomach."

Rhea held the door open for Remus as he scurried by her on his way to the table. "Sit and eat, I'll be right back."

She pulled her shawl off of the hook by the door and wrapped it around herself as she walked down the steps and across the front yard to the pen. Anthony had repaired most of the fence, only two more lengths to go.

"Want me to bring them in?"

Anthony stood up straight and looked to the tops of the mountains to the west. "Should still have a couple of hours of light left. Leave 'em for a while. They'll start on back themselves soon enough."

"By which time they'll be hurting for the milking. I'll send Remus when he…"

"No," he threw down his hammer followed by his work gloves. "I'll do it now. Just quit nagging woman."

"Nagging? You want nagging I'll start in on the barn."

She turned and walked back to the house as he walked the other way. She was sick of it, sick of there never being enough and always needing more. Sick of tending animals and worrying about crops. The door slammed shut behind her with a loud crack that filled the small house like a pistol shot.

"Dad says he'll fix that soon as he…"

"I know, soon as he finishes with what he's doing." She sat opposite him at the table and leaned forward putting her arms in the space in front of her. "Ah, Remus. I know it's not his fault. Your Da works hard, harder then most with less thanks as well. I just get tired is all."

"Dad says he wants to build a new barn. Said he would sooner do that than fix the old one."

"Did he now? And did he tell you who was paying for it? No? Didn't think so. When you are down there, run out to the shed and see if he bought that new spring."

She picked up his empty dish and dropped it in the sink, hearing the door slam with a crack again, she turned too late to call him back and remind him to run to the shed. Shouldn't be worried, she told herself, and shouldn't be after him all the time. She shook her head and looked to the fireplace and the small framed picture that didn't move sitting on the mantle. Shouldn't be worried about something that has already happened and can't be undone.

Later, when Remus was tucked in and Anthony took out his pipe, packed it full of sweet cherry tobacco and went outside to sit in the cool night air, she followed him. She sat down in front of him, leaning back against his legs and looked up at the sky with him.

"There," he said, pointing low on the horizon. "Sirius."

Rhea smiled at the game he so liked to play and followed his finger, then grabbed his hand and moved it from Orion's dog to his shoulder. "Bellatrix."

"I hear the Blacks named their oldest daughter Bellatrix."

"Really?" Rhea continued to watch the heavens. "What is it for them? Three girls?"

"Yes, I think it is. Shame who the youngest married, would have thought better of her."

"Now you sound like your mother," Rhea sighed. "I want him home."

"I know, but it is safer this way."

"Have you heard anything?" She kept her eyes turned upwards as if she could find the answer there.

She felt him shift in the chair and knew he was holding a match to the bowl of the pipe, drawing in air and puffing out the first sweet smoke. She heard his sigh and felt him lean back in the chair, away from her, without so much as a touch.

"I should have just given him what he wanted. I didn't think he would go this far, I thought…" he sighed and took a draw on the pipe, biting the stem and savouring the aroma. "I thought we were safe here."

Rhea nodded and stiffly rose, the damp night air, making her legs and neck ache. She didn't say a word as she returned to the house and began to clean the kitchen.

Every night she cleaned the kitchen while he sat outside and waited. Waited for the night to fall so deep that every star could be seen, sat and waited to see the shape of the moon and judge the tide of things other than the sea. Waited until it was the night he wanted, and then he would take his rifle and small hand pistol, and would head up to the mountains. Waited for Greyback to make a mistake, to come back, to want more.

They didn't talk about it any more. There was nothing left to say. Nothing left to berate one another for, or to place blame on. There was only the picture on the mantle to remind them of their first son. And Remus, that had always went to bed so good, never begging to stay up just a little later, never ever wanting to walk to the mountains with his father, and never questioning why he did.

He knew the story. The kinder story that Rhea had crafted, staying away from the more horrific story that was Marcus. Marcus Romulus was the big brother Remus could not remember, the big brother who had gone away because he was ill. An illness that perhaps the clear salt-water air of Northern Scotland could, maybe not cure, not allow him to return, but could somehow make better where magic could not. Maybe the air could bring him peace.

She knew Remus was beginning to wonder what the name of the illness was. At seven years old he was bright and inquisitive, always wanting more than she could give. She heard Anthony coming in the back door and cast a soft _Nox, _putting out the candles that hung on the kitchen walls, leaving the ones in the living room burning.

"No milk again tonight." He threw his gloves on the table. "The spotted calf has gone missing."

"Oh, Anthony," she sat heavily at the table. "What fucking good is the Ministry! How do they expect us to …"

"Shut up, do you want to wake him?"

"It's getting worse," she hissed. "He keeps taking and taking. What are we supposed to do? A fucking Werewolf and…"

"I said shut up! Do you want the boy hearing what his brother is, this way? Do you really want to call that fool Ministry of yours in on this? Do you want to register your son as a … a creature not fit to live? You know what they will do if they find him. Do you want that around my neck too?"

Rhea felt her throat constrict, she swallowed hard to clear it, wanting nothing more than to get through the next few minutes. She stood and started to climb the stairs to the bedroom when he yanked her around to face him.

"I didn't mean that the way it sounded, you have to know that. My gods, he's is my son too. My firstborn. I did this to him, me. How do you think I feel knowing he is out there and I can't even talk to him or help him?"

"And I am his mother!" she snapped. "Five years he's been gone. Five years and I don't even know if he is alive."

He pulled her into his arms and guided her head to his shoulder, holding her tight. "He's not dead. Don't even think it. He's smart and knows how to be careful. You'll see, when it's safe, when Remus is off to Hogwarts he'll come back."

Together they climbed the stairs and went to bed, lying back to back on the narrow bed. Neither were willing or able to reach for the other, both forgetting how. Rhea no longer would wait for his touch, wondering if he even cared. Wondering if he was sorry for joining her world, and not staying in his. He didn't care for much any more, she had often thought as she watched his haunted face. They would lie together until his dreams woke him and he would check the doors, look in on Remus and sit by the window to watch and wait. That was when she could sleep, when he watched and was up to keep Remus safe.

Whereas his dreams were of the attack, the ripping skin, the unholy sounds, hers were of Marcus' laughing eyes and hopeful games. She could still hear his squeal of delight when the first calf of the spring was born, or his sound of happiness as he let go of the rope that swung out over the river, in the split second of time when courage overcame fear and he let go. Anthony would wake sweating, in a panic, but she would turn deeper into the pillow not wanting then, or ever, to let go.

"Mum?" Remus peeked around the edge of the door. "Mum? Dad says it's time to get up. He's made tea and toast."

She nodded without opening her eyes and waved him away with her hand.

"Mum?" Remus' voice registered someplace in her mind. "Mum, he said not to leave until you were up."

"I'm up, I'm up." She swung her leg over the side of the bed. "Who are you?"

"Mum?"

"Can't be my Remus. Too big to be my Remus," she frowned at him as he grinned at her.

"Mum, cut it out." He laughed at her.

"Nope," she flopped onto her back, her legs hanging off the bed. "Can't get up without my hug."

"Ewww, do I have to?"

"Nope, just tell your Dad you left me asleep."

She giggled as she felt the bed move when he climbed up to give her a morning hug. Try as he might to pretend he was too big, she knew if she forgot to demand his hug he would feel the slight. So every morning they played the game.

Anthony stood at the bottom of the stairs and called up to them, the tea was growing cold and the toast was ready. Sighing, she and Remus tromped down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was the day before shopping day and Remus was already excited, already making lists of what he wanted. They would have to get an early start, wanting, no… needing, to be home well before dark.

Still two days off the calendar showed, still more then forty-eight hours before she would tuck Remus in bed, ward his windows and set up a silencing spell. Less then forty-eight hours before Anthony would go hunting in the mountains. Remus saw her looking at the calendar and lowered his head over his plate, he didn't like the look she got on her face when she thought he wasn't watching, or the way Dad cleared his throat at her, loudly, like a scolding.

"You make a list? I'm not walking through those god awful shops all day."

"He needs a pair of shoes. Ones he has are all walked over, and I need to go to the market."

"Mum, can I spend my money at the bookshop?"

"It's your money Remus," she grinned at him. "You earned it, you spend it anyway you chose. Just chose wisely. Once it's gone it's gone."

"They've got this really neat book 'bout dragons and things. It even tells ya what to do if one comes around."

Anthony looked at him over the edge of The Daily Prophet he held in his hands. "Plan on a dragon happening by?"

"Ya never know. That one night I thought I heard one, member Dad?"

Anthony looked up at Rhea and frowned. "It was a storm coming down over the ridge. Told you that, son."

"Yeah, but it still _sounded_ like one, all howling and all."

"Thought we could get an early start. Maybe have breakfast at that Leaky Cauldron place before we go to the market."

"Really Dad?" Remus looked up from his tea with a wide smile. "That would be neat. Sometimes Tom lets me in the kitchen…"

"Just get up early, we leave too late and it's off." Anthony snapped the paper back up to cover his grin.

He read the paper until he heard Remus run outside, the door sending a sharp reminder into the too quiet kitchen.

"Need to get to that door." He looked at Rhea sheepishly. "Just seems there's not enough time in the day."

"Funny that," Rhea sat down and wrapped her hands around her mug. "We taught him so much about your Muggle life, I sometimes have to remind myself he needs to see mine. I'll show him the wand work, and fix the spring."

"It's good for the boy. He seems… comfortable when he works with his hands. Better than I was at his age."

"He's getting confused. He can't see where one world ends and the other begins. He has to learn."

"He'll learn." Anthony pushed away from the table and stood up, suddenly angered. "Or are you finding fault in that too?"

She watched him stomp to the door and flinched as the door slammed, again cursing the broken spring. She thought of Marcus, and how hard he had worked to learn to use his hands when a wand was in his pocket. How much harder it had been for him. She wondered if he was working with his hands now.

Remus spent the day looking at the clock and dreaming of the book of dragons and fire. Mum would help him with the words he still did not know, dragging out the dictionary and making him look them up, and then patiently explaining them. Sometimes he liked the part with the dictionary better than the book, her sitting close, and Dad taking a turn when she fixed the tea.

Twice he cut his hands on the fence by winding the winch too tight, twice Dad chided him and guided his hand to do it right. It was hard to concentrate with dragons flying overhead, and peeking around the corner of the barn. He couldn't think beyond Flourish and Blotts, and the shelves that seemed to go on forever. .

By morning he was anxious and almost giddy. He showered and brushed his teeth and was waiting downstairs long before Rhea came down.

"Remus, go hang up your cloak. We have to stop by the Muggle market. You won't be needing that. If it's cold grab a jumper."

"Ah, Mum… I hate that market. You said I was going with Dad to get shoes."

"I know, but it's less expensive and the produce is fresher. If you want more than rice and beans we go there."

"Maybe you could get your Mum to make some of her curry. She makes the best," Anthony said from the back door where he set the Muggle rifle down. Seeing Rhea's hopeful look, he shook his head then indicated the boy in a silent warning.

She didn't need to ask, she never did. Once a month for more years then she wanted to count he would return the same way. The last five years hung on his shoulders and slowed his walk. Every month he seemed older and sadder, but still she hoped. Still, when he walked in the door, and set down the rifle, she would hope.

"Will ya Mum?" Remus didn't wait for an answer as he ran for his jumper.

Curry had been a favourite of Marcus'. A dish she no longer made very often. Curry stuck in her mouth and had to be choked down. Anthony didn't seem to notice the things that bothered her. Not like she, who knew that he no longer could stand to be in the old barn, the barn where Marcus would be locked in once a month. She had kept his clothes hanging neatly in his closet until the day she came home and found them burnt. Anthony somehow thought that erasing his memory from the house would erase it from her mind. Now, they left together to do the shopping, both unable to admit to the other that he had been wrong.

She pushed the cart and loaded the basket, always watching Remus. He was too big now to hold her hand in public, he would tug against her and be embarrassed. Anthony came with them, now that Remus was getting older. Rather than keep the boy at home he would follow behind and watch, his hand in his pocket, resting on the pistol, his face unmoveable. On occasion Rhea could feel the looks from the Muggles that found them strange. Strange, that the woman never spoke while in the market, strange that the man walked behind, always with his right hand in his pocket. Strange that the boy seemed ill at ease, ready to run. Remus didn't like the market, and would rather have eaten rice and beans.

He knew that once the shopping was done, Mum would shrink the packages and take them home while he and Dad would portkey over to Diagon. _Was safe there_, Dad always said knowingly. Your kind is there, they understand. Diagon had bookshops, used and new, and had shops with windows hung with brooms and wonderful things. Today Dad would come, and he would get shoes, and maybe be able to buy an ice cream cone and eat it as they walked down the pavement.

"I want to get him a quill, a child's quill so he can learn proper," Rhea quipped. "Ours are too large for his hand and Marc… the ones we used to have are all weather cracked."

Anthony looked down at the boy and nodded. "He needs clean parchment too. The kind with lines."

"I can put in an order, they can send it by owl."

"No," he frowned and thought how easy owls were to follow. "Tell you what," a rare smile touched his face, "we'll go on home after Remus here gets his books, you run on to Hogsmeade. With term starting the shops will be stocked."

"Can we afford it?"

He reached in his pocket and pulled out a small bag of coins, pressed it into her hand and smiled. "Wanted to save it, for the hols, wanted to buy you that new set of robes you saw last year. Guess you can pick them up yourself. You need something to wear here."

"Dad said we can go look at the brooms," Remus smiled proudly at being able to hold the secret. "Dad said just me and him today cause you got shopping to do for new clothes but it's a surprise. He even said I can get two books and maybe we can use the floo to go home."

"Two?" she smirked. "And what did you do to earn the second?"

"He kept a secret." Anthony put his hand on the boys head and shrugged his shoulders. "I never got past fifth year but my son loves his books, how can I say no to that?"

"Have you already decided what book you want?" She raised an eyebrow and gave Remus her best "be good" look.

"Ummm," he looked up at his father and tugged his hand. "Dad?"

"They just got a shipment of Muggle books." He put his hand up to stop her protest. "I know, but the boy needs a story book, can't be learning books all the time."

"You just make sure it's not one of those trashy things like your mother reads, you know what I mean."

"No, Mum," Remus grinned. "These are all … what they called Dad?"

"Classics, they're called classics."

"Fine." She looked up at Anthony and saw his nod, telling her it was okay for her to leave, that he would stay close to him. "I won't be long. I think maybe an hour, no more."

She only looked back twice on her way to the apparition point, only twice before she smiled and left for Hogsmeade.

* * *

**A/N: This is the story of Remus. The first few chapters are meant set up the story, and give him and his family's back story. The later chapters will deal with the Mauraders and his time in and after Hogwarts. Although the basic story will follow canon I am sure there will be the occasional questionable timeline problem and in the later chapters become slightly AU. **


	2. The Witch That Loved Him

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling **

**Chapter 2**

**The Witch that Loved Him**

* * *

Rosmerta leaned her elbows on the counter and rested her head in her hands, watching as the last of the parents left for the station. Hogwarts would have their sorting ceremony tonight, and tomorrow it would start over. Autumn would turn to winter, and winter to spring, and not until much too long would summer come back and with it the freedom the absence of students brought.

She sighed, and turned from the window to start cleaning, wondering if she should even bother being open for the night. She heard the bell over the back door ring out and went to the kitchen to find Romulus with his head over the pot on the stove.

"Just stew," she spoke quietly as she ran her hand over his back. "I thought it would be easy to eat and not too hard on your stomach. Not exactly breakfast food, but then it's your dinner time."

Romulus turned and pulled her into his arms, forcing her head to his shoulder and burying his head in her hair. "I'm starving."

"Sit, I have some of that hard crusted bread you like. Do you want to shower first? I put some lotion out, just in case."

"No, just the stew." He pushed her away and flopped at the table, wincing as his back hit the chair.

"Fine, eat in pain," she muttered and dished him a plate of stew, pouring it over two large slices of his favourite bread.

"I saw my brother."

"Romulus, you shouldn't have. You know not to go that far," she gasped and spun to look at him, nearly dropping his diner.

"That's where I went, I couldn't control it. It's getting worse Ro. I started changing back there, I only just managed to apparate back this morning."

"Maybe it's time to use the cellar?" She shrugged in an off hand manner, as if they were talking of snow coming in this weekend.

"What of your guests? No, I don't think so. I'll have to find something else." He leaned over his plate not meeting her eyes.

"I've been thinking about taking some time off. A couple of days a month would be good. I could…"

"I said no," he hissed angrily.

Rosmerta stood and made herself busy at the sink until she heard him lay down his fork and leave the room. She stopped washing the dishes and looked out the window, remembering when he had first arrived. Remembered how she had hesitated to touch him, to heal his wounds, to let him eat at her table.

_It had been early, too early to yet be called morning. She had __risen before dawn __to bake bread for the day. Every room was full, __potentiall__y making breakfast a big money maker. She had put the dough out the night before for the final __rise__, and having __kneaded__ it quickly, and expertly divided the loaves, she__'d__ slid eight pans into the oven before even thinking of tea. _

_She had yawned and __stretched__ as the water filled the pot and looked out the window to the lightening sky. She had__thought __she had seen__ something, a shadow that did not belong, a broken branch on the lilac bush that hugged the back of the Inn. Cursing that the storm had knocked another bush down, she__'d__ opened the back door and found him. _

_He had lain on her back steps, bloody and nearly dead, not wearing a stitch of clothes. As she had thrown open the door and rushed to help him, she'__d__ bent down and__ seen__ his hands. Fingers still caught in transformation, nails still elongated, sharp and dirty. Nails that still held the smell of the forest and the horrors of what he was. _

_Jumping up she had fumbled at her back for the door latch, panicking to get it open, afraid to look away. _

"_Wait," she heard his raspy voice. "Till light, wait." _

_She had slammed the door shut and leaned against the rough wood, her chest heaving as she__'d__ fought for air. Fuck, she__'d__ thought, remembering she had left her wand upstairs. She__'d thrown __the steel locks down and bolted the door, hoping he did not have his own wand. Then, she'd stood on her __tiptoes__ and peered out of the window. _

Now she sighed, and turned to join him upstairs, knowing that he didn't want her to see him like this, didn't want her to be the one that spread the potion to heal his wounds. He didn't want her to hear him cry as he tried to hide his sobs in the shower.

She waited until she knew he would have had time to pull himself together before dropping her clothes on top of his and stepping under the hot water with him.

"Shut up, Romulus," she chided at his protest. "How do you expect to get your back? It's not too bad this time. I've seen worse. So tell me about him, you know you want to."

"He's got this toy broom, only goes up a little way, but he can ride it," Romulus said into the tiles, not turning his head to her as she poured the healing potion on his back.

"Really? He's what? Six now?"

"Seven, eight on the twentieth."

"Romulus, we have to talk. This time you only saw him, what happens next time? Or if he sees you? If you don't get back in time?"

"Dad looks old, Ro. Really old. " He thought of how Anthony had looked right at the bush had hidden him, the rifle at this side. How a momentary glimmer of recognition had been the only thing to stop him from ripping him apart. A glimmer or recognition of something other than the man, the memory of the bite of a rifle.

"Happens. Worry has a lot to do with a person's looks." She grabbed the shampoo, and pushing him to his knees began to lather his hair. "I could go see her you know. I could at least let her know that her son is alive.

"It is better this way." He dropped his head forward, letting the falling water rinse his hair. "They're all I have, I won't put this on them."

"Sure," Rosmerta muttered and stepped out of the shower. She dried off and was dressed again before he shut off the water and pulled back the curtain.

"What's wrong, Ro?" Romulus wrapped a towel around his waist and watched her brush her hair out, then grab a handful, and twist it up.

"It hurts when you say that." She looked at him evenly.

"Okay, what did I say wrong this time?"

"That they are all that you have. What about me?"

"My gods, Ro, you know I don't mean that," he said softly and closed the distance between them, tipped up her chin and brushed her lips with his own. "I would be dead if not for you."

"If that is all that keeps you here …"

"Ro, stop it!" He let his arms drop and turned away from her. "You know damned well it's not. "

"I don't want to fight."

"Good, I hate when you get in your moods."

"My moods?" she smirked at him. "If all you did was change your _moods _we wouldn't have this conversation every month."

He tried to glare at her but started to grin. "I think I love you Ro."

"Right, I hear that once a month after I clean you up. What about the rest of the time?"

"I've been thinking about moving north. Far enough that I couldn't make it home. " He pretended not to hear her question and turned toward the mirror, reaching for a brush.

"Bastard!" Rosmerta stormed out of the bathroom and returned to the kitchen to start breakfast for the guests.

_She had peered out of the window until he had tried to sit up. She'd seen his hands, seemingly normal, as he__'d__ raked them through is hair, and held on to the banister trying to stand. "Wait," he had said to warn her away. "__Wait." Even__ his half wolf form __had__ tried to protect her. _

_Hiding one of the kitchen __knive__s in her pocket, she had opened the door and faced him. _

She pulled the bread out of the oven, only two loaves now that business was bad. The pans were set on a rack to cool, waiting a few minutes before she tipped them over and thumped the bottom to release the baked dough. She levitated them and a cloth that she had brushed with melted butter, to the sideboard, covering them and sweetening the crust.

Sometimes she could lose herself in the kitchen, not thinking beyond what work had to be done. Today she heard his voice play over and over_. I think_, she heard repeating, like a stone running down steps_, I think I love you. _

"Ro? I didn't mean it like that." He slipped his arms around her waist and laid his head on top of hers. "I'm in love with you. I just can't be here for you. I can't love you the way I should, the way you deserve."

She leaned back and closed her eyes. "Have I ever, even once asked anything from you?"

"That's the problem. You are disappearing. You need more than just doing everything for me. You need to be able to have a life of you own. I watched my mother disappear, and I don't want that for you."

She turned and looked at him, then pushed away as the bell over the front door rang out.

"Breakfast time and that's Aberforth if I guess right. Best stay in here or use the back stairs."

She took his hands in hers and looked at his nails, then turned them over, examining the palms. Sliding open a drawer she grabbed a knife and transfigured it into a nail file, handed it to him and went out to take Aberforth's order. She knew what he wanted, same as he always wanted, but she knew if she didn't listen to him order he would send it back, saying he meant to try something different.

"Well, old man," she greeted him. "Good morn to you."

"Smells like dinner time in here stead of breakfast, he out again all night? Whoring around?" he scowled. "You know to hide the smell girl, people will talk. Bad enough the gossips talking about what goes on behind closed doors without adding to it."

"They will think I serve leftovers," she smirked.

"Talks getting worse and you know it. Him out all night and you here alone, waiting his dinner all night. Ain't right."

"Gossip never gets better, no matter what it's about."

"Girl, you listen to me." He shook his finger at her. "Notice business dropping off? Good news for me, good news I got all my rooms rented out for the holidays already. You keeping any reservations? You send him packing. You hear me?"

Rosmerta avoided his eyes as she levitated a pot of tea and a mug from the kitchen. He didn't like Romulus, or rather didn't like the fact that he was unemployed, living off her, sleeping with her. She pulled her pad from her pocket and turned to take his order praying that he never learned the truth.

"The special," he sighed. "Same as always. Rosie, just give it some thought. He moves on and what have you got?"

"Memories," she smiled. "More than I had before."

"Not enough to live on."

_He had eaten what she had put out in front of him as if starving, twice putting his hand to his jaw as he winced in pain. She had stood back watching him, her hand in her pocket, holding her wand. He__'d__ looked up from under his brows, nervously shoveling the food between his still bloody lips. _

"_You need to shower." __Had been__ greeted with a nod, as __he'd__ pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders. "There's a box in the cellar, the guests sometimes leave things. Find something to put on."_

_He had pushed back the plate and looked to the cellar door that was behind her, afraid to walk toward it, knowing that she would think he was coming towards her. He'__d__ picked up his __teacup__ and __drunk__ the last, then stood slowly._

"_You'll want to take that wand from your pocket." He had tried to smile at her. "I don't want to scare you any more __than__ you are, but if you don't want to see my bits I need to get to that cellar."_

_That's when __she had seen__ the fear in his eyes, and heard the softness in his voice, and __known__ he would not hurt her. Wait, he had said, wait for the light, although he was in pain and needed care. Wait, he had warned her away. _

She slid the plate in front of Aberforth as the bell rang out again. She was surprised to see a strange witch walk in, hesitate, and sit at a table by the window. Glad for the business she winked at Aberforth and pulled out her pad to take the order.

"Good morn," she smiled_._

"Morn," the older witch responded. "I would love a cup of coffee. Do you serve it?"

"I think I can do that," Rosmerta smiled.

"All I ever have at home is tea, every once in a while I would kill for a good cup."

"Anything with it?"

"If that is bread I smell there is. Tastes better when someone else makes it," she laughed. "Toast, with jam, and two eggs."

"Right up," Rosmerta sighed. "Bangers with that?"

"You know what, kippers. It's been ages since I've had kippers."

"Coming up."

Aberforth frowned and stood up suddenly, shooting the strange witch a scowl. He waved Rosmerta over and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Watch that one, odd she is. Know her from before, used to live up the hill."

"You don't trust anyone do you?"

"Rumour has it she hides more than one son down at that farm. One she takes in public but the other she hides away. Ain't no one seen him for years now."

"Really?" She turned and looked back at the table. "More rumours? Now get along old man, I'm sure the drunks are already waiting for you."

Rosmerta shook her head and finished serving the witch and prepared three takeaways while she ate. It was a slow morning, but at least enough to cover the cost of the food for the day. Walking over to the witch that still sat near the window she picked up the empty plate.

"What time do the shops open? I need school supplies, children's quills and lined parchment, sold out in Diagon, but forgot how slow this place was."

"Not long now. They open a little later since school is starting, but stay open longer."

"I have a hard time getting used to the pace here, not like Diagon at all."

"Thank Merlin," Rosmerta sighed. "Thanks for stopping in. I'm open seven days a week, so anytime…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Rosmerta is enough, and you?"

"Rhea," she put out her hand to shake, "Rhea Lupin."


	3. The Reunion

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 3**

**The Reunion**

* * *

The tray slipped out of Rosmerta's hands and clattered to the floor. Stooping down to pick up the broken china, unable to pull her wand and not trusting her hands to stop shaking, she heard a gasp from Rhea and looked up to see her staring at the kitchen door.

"Ro? Is everything…" Romulus started, then stopped and locked his eyes with his mother's.

"Marcus?" Rhea whispered, took one step toward him and stopped.

He crossed the room and pulled her to his chest, leaned down and buried his face in her neck. Rosmerta heard a sob break from deep in his chest, and his mother's soothing voice as she stroked his back. She took a step back, knowing she should leave them alone, then glanced out the window and worried that someone else may walk in.

"Marcus?" She laid her hand on his shoulder, felt it shake and grasped harder. "Please, upstairs. Someone may come in."

"You… you live here? All this time?" Rhea wiped her face with her sleeve, then reached out to lay her hand on his chest, not wanting to be without the feel of him.

He looked at Rosmerta, letting her see his tears. "More than two years now. Mum, come upstairs, we can have more privacy there."

Rhea looked at Rosmerta, then back to him when Rosmerta answered her unasked question. "No, just… friends," her voice catching in her throat. "Go on now, I'll just run over and get those quills you will be wanting. Change the sign to Closed when I leave. Won't be any business until dinner so don't worry about anyone coming in."

Romulus watched her as she walked out and did as she suggested, leading his mother upstairs. They talked for hours, hardly noticing the tray of tea and sandwiches that appeared and was cleared away again. Rosmerta busied herself in the kitchen, occasionally looking up at the ceiling, as if able to look through the floorboards and wondering what was being said.

All too soon for mother and son, and all too long for her, she heard their steps on the stairs. Standing to watch them come into the kitchen her eyes went to Romulus and locked on his face.

"I need to get back," Rhea said. "Can we come back and talk?"

"Of course," Rosmerta croaked, finding it difficult to talk. "Romulus?"

He saw her eyes fill and rushed to her, tipped up her chin and chuckled. "I'm not leaving. She means her and Dad."

"I thought … your family and all. I just …"

"Oh, my dear." Rhea put her hand to her throat. "Is that what you have been thinking all this time we've been talking? I can tell you the first thing he told me was that he was staying here. How do I thank you for taking care of him?"

Rosmerta rushed from the room only to be caught by Romulus who reached for her as she started up the stairs. "Ro, don't do this. She … it's not like that. I told her what you meant to me, she just… she's my mother."

"I said it wrong," Rhea said from the doorway. "I should have said thank you for wanting him, for loving him, but … last time I saw him he was but fifteen. It's going to take a while for me to accept the fact that he is married."

"Married?" Rosmerta snapped her head up to look at him and found him smirking at her.

He leaned down to kiss her cheek and whispered in her ear, "We need to talk, but not now."

Rhea took the package of quills and parchment, and hugged Marcus in a final good-bye, promising to return on Saturday, promising to have Anthony meet Marcus elsewhere so they could talk. She returned home in a crack of apparition, falling as her feet hit the ground. She looked up to the house and saw Anthony at the door, a scowl on his face, furious that she had been so long.

Anthony ran outside, angrily pulled her up and was ready to berate her for staying away so long without letting him know she was safe, until he saw her face. Her hand trailed along his jaw, and she looked over his shoulder to make sure Remus was not close. She told him of Marcus, and felt him weaken, and laughed as he sunk to his knees and pulled her down with him.

"He has married, or at least that's what he told me, but I think they are just living together. Even if they had the ceremony, it's not legal. Do you mind so terribly?"

"What is she like? Does she understand what to do? How will she…"

"He runs the forest." She put her hand over his mouth and nodded to the door. "Saturday, I will send Remus to your parents and you two can talk. He misses you so, he … he looks old, and … sad, Anthony. Haunted."

"He is older than most." Anthony said coldly. "He doesn't run with them. He has no protection out there but his own wits."

"He has been here," she said softly. "He saw Remus, he thinks just the once, but he can't remember what he does anymore."

Anthony stiffened and looked back to the house. "He wouldn't do that, not to Remus."

"Not if he can think, but … Anthony, after talking to him I don't think he can. He remembers bits and pieces, but not all of it. It is worse than it was when we had him, as if the older he gets the more complete the transformation. He can barely remember how he gets back to Hogsmeade now."

"You knew that." He stood up and held out his hand to help her up. "Now, wipe your face and think up some story about why you didn't buy your robes. Remus is fixing dinner. I hope you like burnt bangers."

"Tonight I will love them," she laughed. "My gods, I held him. I held my son. I didn't think I would ever do that again."

He scowled and then leaned down and brushed her lips with his, feeling her accept him for the first time in years without flinching. He studied her face and smiled. "Maybe we can all come home now. Did you like her? Your… our… daughter –in-law?"

"She's strong, and was on her own when she found him. Naked, he said." She looked at him from the corner of her eyes. "She knew what he was and still she let him in. That has to count for something. And she owns the Inn, so he can…"

"Live off his _not_ wife?" Anthony stopped and glared at her. "What is he thinking?"

"What if something happened to you? What if you couldn't tend the animals, or the fields? Would you have me kick you out? I thought not. Now come and stop being an arse, I can smell the burnt bangers from here. We'll talk when Remus sleeps."

"She's a witch then?" He held her back from going to inside.

"Yes, does that bother you?"

His grip on her arm tightened. "Don't do this. I have never regretted loving you, never. I just want to make sure she really understands what she is in for, that she won't wake up and leave him."

"I don't think she will, she seems good for him. She … she's beautiful Anthony. Drop dead, head-turning beautiful and he doesn't even seem to see it, and when he talks about her … I don't know, his face changes. He's at peace. For the first time I think he is at peace."

Rosmerta had watched Rhea leave before turning to Romulus to see him smile. She liked it when he smiled, he seldom did. The lines around his eyes softened, and he looked not so hard, not so anxious.

"She's old fashioned, Dad's worse." He chuckled as he leaned down to kiss her neck. "Gods I love you witch. I don't know why that is so hard to say."

"You lied. About your name, you lied to me."

"No, my full name is Marcus _Romulus_ Lupin. Most people that would remember me, from school and such, would only know me by Marcus Lupin. I found it easier to use my middle name. Doing odd jobs here and there I hardly ever need a last."

"You told her we were married."

"We will be," he whispered.

"We can't."

"It won't be legal, not binding by the law, but … I want to do this." He suddenly started to laugh. "I need to make a honest witch out of you. Ro, I want you to know I'm not leaving you, not until I have to."

"Romulus, this has to be the most unromantic proposal in history." She pulled away from him. "That, or the cruellest joke I have ever heard."

"No, Ro, listen. I'll find someone to do it, I promise."

"Who? A Muggle? You want to use rings and have some priest stand…"

"Stop," he said sharply. "I'll find someone, but if that is all we can have then yes. "

"Name one official that will do it here. My Gods, if they find out about …"

"Albus," he suggested. "Maybe I can … Ro, maybe he will do it. He always said that the laws should be changed, that some things were wrong."

"And Aberforth? His brother? If he finds out we may as well start looking for a cave to live in."

"At least you won't have to serve a bunch of love sick fifth-years tea."

"You do understand what this will mean. All of it?"

"I think so. No more of your dragging in strange wizards and tying them up?" he laughed. "You'll have to put up with just me. That, or we leave and live as Muggles."

"I think I can handle that," she swallowed and put a trembling hand to his face. "You know about me and still want to marry me? Even if it's not legal… not really… you know about Rookwood and Yaxley?"

"I know whose bed you came to first. I know that those bloody rumours are wrong. Is that what worries you? You can look at me, knowing what I am, and only wonder if I believe the gossip? My gods woman, and here I am the one that should worry if you will have _me_."

"I … then marry me and stop talking about it," she choked.

"But, no children. I won't risk that. If you ever decide to get pregnant I leave."

"You would be a great…"

"No, I mean it Ro. No one can say for sure what they would be like. Why do you think they have laws against my kind marrying?"

"They'll find a cure, I know they will, and then we can have a family."

"They won't find it in my lifetime, and don't think they will. If we do this, we both have to know nothing will change, nothing will ever be better." He released her and turned his back to her, walked to the fireplace and leaned his hands on the mantel. "We don't live as long as other wizards. The strain of the transformations is the best guess, but it is more than that. I may not come home some night, a farmer's gun, a wand blast if I get too close, even a well trained dog if I wander where I shouldn't."

"There was a witch lived at the end of the street where I grew up." She walked over and let her arms encircle his waist. "Her husband and son went into London, to the Ministry, to get him licensed to apparate. See, they home schooled him, they were afraid to let him go so far as Hogwarts. She lost them both, an accident at the train station. I think if I asked her she would say she would do it again, to even have them for a short time."

"No one else will have you." He turned and looked down at her sadly. "The witch down the street, did she ever remarry? Did she live the rest of her life alone? Did she ever…"

"Are you proposing or talking me out of it? Or is it yourself you are trying to get to back out? You said yourself it won't be legal anyway, maybe we should just forget it."

"No," he ran the pad of his thumb down her forehead, to her nose and let it lay on her mouth. "But if it is ever known that you let a Werewolf in your bed, that you kept him, and let him fuck you, they will say awful things about you and the Ministry will prohibit you from ever having a true marriage after that. What? Do you think I have not memorized every law that applies to my kind?"

"My mother was a whore. Do you think they can say anything about me I have not already heard? We are a good match," she laughed up at him. "The daughter of a whore and a homeless Werewolf."

"Think about it, Ro."

"I have. You've been in my bed two years. Do you think I never wanted this? Go see Albus."

The next day Albus listened to Marcus, seeing not the man he was but the fifth-year that had never returned to school. He listened to the story as he looked out onto the grounds of Hogwarts. Even if he had been aware, he knew he could not have allowed him back, not after the horrific attack and what had been done to him. He listened to the story silently until Marcus voiced his request.

"Rosmerta? Our Rosmerta Fitz?" Albus said in surprise. "How well do you know the young witch?"

"I have _known_ her for two years now," Marcus lifted his eyes to the headmaster, "If that is what you are asking, I have however, lived at the Three Broomsticks for nearly three."

"I see," Albus frowned. "Does she understand, fully, what this would mean?"

"Yes."

"She has had a hard life," Albus mused.

"Headmaster, how well do you know her?"

"Rosmerta? I have known her all her life."

"Have you ever, just once, been able to change her mind about anything?"

"No," Albus chuckled. "I remember her temper quite well."

"Then I will tell you this, I don't want to dissuade her. I want to be completely selfish about her; for once in my life I want something for me. Even if you could change her mind, and we both know that's impossible, I would convince her to come away with me, to live as a Muggle. I love her, Headmaster."

"Then tell her to buy a gown," Albus chuckled. "Tomorrow should be a lovely day. We should bless your marriage by the lake. I am quite fond of it this time of year."

Marcus stood and clasped Albus' hand. "It will be a white gown. The rumours you no doubt heard were wrong."

"I do not trust rumours, but have always had faith in our Rosmerta." Albus peered over his glasses. "She was young and foolish once, but has grown into a remarkable witch."

"She would want you to know that she never let Yaxley touch her, but would kill me if she knows I told you."

"As will your father if he learns you are living there unmarried." Albus laughed. "You will find our Rosmerta much like him in his stubbornness. How well do you know the man who would curse his son for living with a witch before marriage?"

"My father?"

"Sit down lad." Albus indicated the chair he had just vacated. "I need to tell you a story. A story about a very brave Muggle and the son he thought he lost. You were sorted correctly in your short time here."

Albus told him of his father. What he was like when still a youth, the dreams he had when he first married his beautiful Rhea, and all the things Marcus knew but had never heard put out. He told him of Fenrir Greyback's infatuation with his mother, and the argument when Anthony had the audacity to marry a pure-blood witch. He spoke of Anthony's refusal to give in, to fall into the trap all too many pure-blood families were following. He told of Fenrir's anger and the threat to destroy whatever Anthony held most dear.

He explained that moving to the farm was meant to hide them, to keep him and his mother out of sight and out of the monster's reach.

"I blame myself for your condition." Albus finally reached the end. "Your mother wanted to home school you. It was I that convinced them that you would be safe here. However, I realized after it was too late for you, that it was the very fact that I kept you safe that made it even more important to Fenrir that he take you. He needed to show your father that there was no escape. Can you ever forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive," Marcus shrugged. "It's my life now, and if Ro is willing to share it with me… it is all I want, or need."

"She is a good witch. Someday perhaps I will have the honour of teaching another Lupin in these halls." He waved away Marcus' interruption. "The Ministry is full of idiots. This illness cannot be passed on to the unborn, stuff and nonsense. These laws are over four hundred years old, from a time when all things strange were banned. Now come, enough of this. Go to your bride."

"Albus, you can't guarantee that to me. I understand your thoughts on the matter, but I can't risk it. I won't risk it. She is too important to me to risk just hoping you are right."

"Tell her that I look forward to seeing her wed. We will speak of the future at a later time. I hope to convince you of your error in this. Tomorrow then?" Albus reached out and clasped both of Marcus' hands in his own.

The next evening they knelt in front of Albus, facing the lake and the mountains beyond. Albus insisted he wrap a silver-white ribbon around their joined hands as he invoked the old magic used in traditional marriages. Although the ribbon did not dissolve into their skin as it did between every other wizard and witch, it did shimmer and set a soft glow over their hands, as if a promise of things to come.

Albus then took the ribbon, transfigured it into two rings that were placed on their fingers, and made invisible to others. He reached his hands to the heavens, and beseeched the gods to bless them, to help them on their journey and watched sadly as they walked away.


	4. A Place to Hide

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 4**

**Hope**

* * *

He saw his father that Saturday, and between words of anger and tears of joy they talked of things past and the problems yet to come. Marcus held the picture of Remus in his hands and remembered again why he had left. The first time he could not remember the night, the first time he had woken on the floor having managed to escape the barn and slip into the open window, his decision had been made.

He had looked at Remus lying in the cot, and heard his mother coming up the stairs when the click of the door latch had him spinning around to see his father. The look of horror, disappointment, and fear on his face had told Marcus it was time to leave.

Not that Anthony had suggested it, or even hinted at it aloud, but Marcus had read the look in his eyes, the way he no longer let Remus ride his big brother's shoulders, or sit with him on the porch swing. He had known it was time, but put it off until he found his mother in tears. Stepping back out of the living room, unseen, he had gathered his clothes and left that night, having heard her curse Greyback and cry when she had tried to say her son's name. He had turned north, hoping to put enough space between him and them to lend them safety.

He had often read the day old Prophets left on top of benches along the pavement in Diagon Alley and would scan the pages for part time work, news of Greyback, or any mention of medical cures. He had still had hope then. Still thought that someday things would be better.

He had often found work on the Muggle docks, unloading ships that he dreamed of climbing aboard and sailing away on. Knowing, even as he had thought of escaping, that his kind of prison would go with him.

He'd once broken into the back of Brown and Son's up in Godric's Hollow, stealing the Wolfbane potion he could not legally get because he was unregistered. For two months he had been able to run free, delighting in the sheer power he had felt, amazed at the heightened senses and the animalistic sensations that had coursed through his veins, for the first time fully feeling it in his human mind. The third month he had tasted blood and had been revolted at the act of ripping a small animal apart and ravishing it. He had never used the potion after that, preferring instead not to remember what he'd done, preferring to pretend that he was not what he was.

Every morning he would turn to Rosmerta and slide his arm around her waist. It was enough just to wake with her. Enough, just to smell her hair and know that she had so little fear of him that she could close her eyes and sleep with him so near. Whenever she rolled over and pulled him over her, and let him love her, he was in awe of her.

He looked up at his father hoping he understood. Knowing that he never would. Anthony would say all the right words, and do all the right things, and try, really try to understand what drove his son to put a witch he claimed to love in danger, but in the end he would think him stupid, selfish, and think that Greyback had taken his mind as well. Marcus thought of the Muggle gun his father had purchased in a dark and dangerous alley, and knew Anthony would put a bullet through his head rather then risk Rhea or his now only son.

"I need to know what to do," Rosmerta sat with her arms resting on the table, while father and son talked in the back, her hand wrapped round a hot mug. "He can't get the potion. When I tried to buy it they wouldn't sell it to me."

"He isn't registered. It's a double edged sword." Rhea spoke softly. "To get the potion he has to register what he is and then he is an animal, a creature not allowed to live as a normal man. We thought it best to try to … other ways. He had hoped his Muggle background would help."

"I want him to stay here, in the cellar."

"I can help you set it up," Rhea laid her hand on Rosmerta's. "Maybe now you can convince him to use it."

"I don't know, he wants to… to be normal so badly."

"Of course he does. I sometimes think it would have been better to happen when he was younger, before he knew what it was like not to be as he is, or, maybe later, to be able to remember better times. But, to be made this way when he was…he never had a real chance at anything."

"What worries me the most is that he…he's not always as careful as he should be. He does things."

"Things?"

"Last week, he went to Diagon. Alone."

"Oh."

"He sometimes… he went to Godric's Hollow. He wanted to look up an old friend he said."

"Talbot, they went to school together. Rosmerta, he shouldn't, if the truth is …"

"I know, I know… but what am I to do? If he forgets, even once to hide his eyes when the lights are dim or…"

"First, when the time draws near, make sure he always sits facing the light. And… feed him well. Make sure he does not transform on an empty stomach. The need for … for more… will still be there, but controlled. Easier to be satisfied. It's important that you understand it is not just the kill, but the hunt. He will look for a pack. In his wolf form he will be looking for … a pack of his own, a mate."

Rosmerta raised her eyes and looked to see the sadness in Rhea's.

"And the healing potion you use… I used to put some on him before the … the change…. It seems to last long enough to get rid of the smaller cuts and scratches as he gets them. You may want to try that. I am surprised he didn't remember to do it."

"He seldom talks about it, and when he does it's only after."

"I know, now let's see that cellar. There are ways of making it safer for him. Like… make sure the bars are closer together than you think they should be. His wolf form can get through things a human form would get stopped by, and he needs to have something to chew, a soup bone does well. Anything you have to keep him from trying to get out, or to hurt himself."

"He doesn't want Remus to know." Rosmerta stood and started for the cellar, then stopped and looked at Rhea. "If he thinks you are going to tell him, he will leave."

"He needs to know, but not yet. In time, when he is old enough to understand. All he knows is that his big brother is ill, and had to go away. "

"He has no memory of it?"

"Sweet Merlin, no. He wasn't even born when Marcus was… infected. By the time he was born Marcus had already learned to accept it. He was almost of age when he left home, Remus only two." She laughed looking at Rosmerta's face. "I know, Remus is sort of our bonus baby. I thought I was past having children when he came along."

"Do you regret it? Having … I didn't mean it like that… I'm sorry."

"Regret having Remus? Heavens, no. Marcus would still have left, it's not Remus alone that caused him to run. Sometimes I think Remus is the only thing that has held me and Anthony together. He is so special, so… different to Marcus. He's quiet, and… this may sound funny, but he is old. As if he sees things differently."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to infer that he could have been unwanted," Rosmerta said softy.

"No need to be." Rhea smiled and grabbed the younger witch's arm. "Now come, let's see that cellar."

"I think I have the perfect place," Rosmerta said back over her shoulder as she walked down. "It's a little alcove, reaches under the kitchen. I thought all it needs is a door. It's big enough for a bed and a small table."

Rhea agreed with her assessment of the area, but told her to only put a blanket in the corner, not leaving anything he could hurt himself on. She felt the foundation walls that made this portion of cellar and showed Rosmerta how to smooth the sharp edges and to make sure the cobbled floor was covered. She told Rosmerta to cover it with fresh earth and to make sure it was all freshened each month.

"It helps not to think of him as human when you set this up." Rhea said coldly. "You have to think of caging an animal, a vicious, evil, cruel animal. You must think of this monster as one that wants to destroy Marcus. Never, never confuse the two or try to be kind to Marcus by making it easier for the wolf. Hold them apart in your mind. Be ready to kill him if you must. If he comes at you, always be ready and never, ever approach him without your wand at the ready."

"I … I don't think I can," she looked up at the woman, surprised that she could talk this way about her son.

"Do it, or lose him, as simple as that. Remember, if you are kind to the wolf, and you let it get at you… who will take care of him then? No, never confuse the two, because if he kills you he kills himself as well."

That night as they lie in bed, with Rosmerta's head on his chest and his hand wound in her hair she felt sad for the first time since he had come. Until now she had not accepted that he would soon leave her, that in his leaving she would be more alone than she had ever been before.

"What are you thinking, Mrs. Lupin?"

"Nothing, Mr. Lupin." She lifted her head to look at him. "Are you sorry?"

"No, Albus is going to keep our certificate of marriage hidden. If it ever becomes legal, even … when it does he will file it."

"Even after you die, that's what you were going to say."

"It could be years from now. Now give me a smile."

She turned her head back down and snuggled into him again. "I want you to promise me to use the cellar."

She felt him tense and stop stroking her hair. "I want you to stop going to Godric's Hollow or any other wizarding town close to the moon and never after dusk."

He pushed her off of him and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed.

"Look in the mirror Romulus, look at your eyes. It's taking longer each time to come back, and your eyes look like that whenever the lights hit them just right."

"Do you think I am stupid?" He stood up and grabbed his trousers from the floor, sliding them on as he walked out of the room.

She rolled to her side, leaving him time to think about what she wanted, refusing to run after him and beg. Hearing him dress and his steps on the stairs, she knew he would walk into the night and not be home until morning. His long-legged gait would take him to the edge of town before he realized that he had no place else to go. He would sit in the field that edged the property of Hogwarts, and remember how it used to be, and try to forget what he was. Then, he would remember Rosmerta, and what waited for him, and wonder how he could ever want to leave.

Closing her eyes she waited until the sun was almost up, and the bed sunk under his weight before she felt him against her back again. Only then did she sigh, and thought she could sleep.

"I love you," he said softly as he pulled her back into his chest. "You have to believe that."

"Then take care of yourself." She struggled free and rolled over on her back to see him. "I don't want you dead."

"Oh?" he chuckled and rose up on one elbow to look down at her. "And why would that be?"

She reached up and slid her arm around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers, stopping just before their lips touched, she whispered, "Make love to me."


	5. Hope Shattered

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 5**

**Hope Shattered**

**

* * *

  
**

That Christmas when the snow was falling heavily and he found it impossible to stay in any longer, Romulus found a job repairing the chimney of a small inn close to Manchester. He was glad of the extra money that he did not have to take from the Inn's account, already knowing how he would spend it.

He would buy her that pair of loop earrings she looked at each time she passed the shop's window and she would have a fine shawl, of the best lace he could buy, ordered from Paris. He knew the one she had seen on the shoulders of one of the guests and had talked about all that night and into the next. If he was careful, and didn't buy lunch, but brought it from home, he would have enough. Just enough.

He took his pay and apparated to Godric's Hollow from Diagon, the earrings safely tucked in his pockets. He looked at the card in his hand and soon matched the address, hurrying to purchase the shawl before they closed for the last shopping night before Christmas Eve.

The small bell announced his arrival as he entered, stomping the snow from his feet and slapping it from his arms.

"Right frightful it is," the shopkeeper looked up from stocking the bottom shelf. "You the one that sent the owl? The one come for the wrap?"

He nodded and blew into his hands to warm him, too cold yet to talk without his voice shaking, he nodded his head and grinned.

"There, go over by the fire and warm up," she laughed at him. "The winds just seem to be letting up."

"No, getting worse," he croaked. "Shite, it's freezing out there."

That's when he looked at her, to smile at her, and let her know that he appreciated the offer to warm himself. That is when she stumbled back and screamed, holding her hands out to him as if to fend him off, falling backwards in horror.

"No," he said, stepping back to put more distance between them. "I wont hurt you, please… just let me pay for the shawl and I'll leave…please."

"FUCKING WOLF!" She yelled as the door to the apartment in the back opened.

"Jess?" a man's voice questioned as her hand trembled and pointed at Marcus, screaming what he was again.

He turned to flee too late, too slow. The first curse hit him full in the back, the second lower, to crack his thigh and split it open. He hissed in pain, groping for his wand that flew from his hand as he heard a second set of footsteps enter behind him.

He felt the slicing of his skin before he heard the curse or saw the flash of light. Turning to see his assailants, he squinted into the light of yet another curse. He thought of the earrings as he fell, and thought of her eyes as the first kick found his ribs. He whispered her name as blackness took him, and fisted his hand, wanting to feel the band that they could not see.

"What the fuck did it say?"

"It called someone, Rose something."

One of the wizards knelt down and pulled a takeaway bag from the Three Broomsticks from his inside pocket. "Bet it's that bitch Rosmerta, up in Hogsmeade. Bet she's been feeding it."

"Yeah, come on. " He hauled up Marcus' upper body by his hair. "Let's take it back to her. Show her what she has been taking care of. Ya think she would have recognized the eyes."

"It's freezing out there, just toss it in the street," Jess shuddered at the sight of the stricken wolf.

"I ain't getting stuck digging a hole for no dead animal, just dump it at the inn."

"The Ministry should pay. There should be a price on its head. Fine, do what you want, just get it out of here, I can't stand its stench."

Rosmerta was just pulling the pudding out of the oven when she heard the thump at the back door. She looked up at the clock a little surprised that he had returned so early. No matter how cold it was she knew he would not return until he had finished his work, and he would never leave a chimney unfinished on such a bitterly cold night.

She wiped her hands on a towel and tossed it up to hang over her shoulder, planning to use it to transfer the pudding to the cooling rack. Walking to the door, she grinned, expecting to find him unable to pull his wand out from under the two sets of robes and the jumper he was wearing. She opened the door and looked down.

She knew who it was, and what had happened even before the pain registered in her mind, before she thought to bend down and check for life. She knew as her knees stung from falling on the icy stone steps and the sobs ripped her chest open that it would do no good to cry. She knew when she put her head back and screamed into the night that the warm sticky stuff that covered her hands was his and not hers. And, when she fell forward, resting her head on his chest, she knew she would never feel his hand entwine her hair, entice his fingers, and pull her close, as he lowered his face to hers.

She closed her eyes and turned her face flat to his chest, not wanting to _not _hear his heart, to feel his chest not move, to admit he was dead. She thought it odd that he had come home early. She wondered if he had finished the job, or if he had planned to go back in the morning.

She curled up next to him, put her head on his shoulder and draped her arm across his chest, willing him enough warmth to wake him, to see him sit up on the bed and start to the shower. She sighed and closed her eyes as the snow continued to fall and cover his blood, knowing that her life had ended.

A hand squeezed her shoulder. "Come child."

She tilted her head up and saw Minerva, then looked back down in front of her and saw the blood now solid and firm, blackish but still glistening through the snow she had disturbed in moving. She took her finger and ran in from his hairline, around his face, touching his ear and ending at his chin.

"Come," she heard again, and pulled away from the voice.

"Now, now," the cooing voice insisted. "Let us help him."

Rosmerta laid her head again on his chest and shook her head. "He won't let you."

"Ah, child…"

"Ain't no good like that," Aberforth stepped forward, pushing Minerva to the side, and picked Rosmerta up, prying Marcus's jumper from her hands. "Where?"

"Upstairs, third floor, " Minerva whispered and turned back to Albus. "If he hadn't of come in here Merlin only knows how long she would have sat there."

"Take care of her while I escort the dear boy home." Albus went down on one knee and gently cast a spell to clean the blood.

"He is home Albus."

He sighed as he stood up and sadly levitated Marcus into the kitchen and laid him on the table. "He can not stay here. We must try to protect Miss… Mrs. Lupin."

"Mrs. Lupin? Oh Albus, you didn't."

"I did. I only hope that for a short time they had a taste of what could have been." He turned to the doorway and lowered the warming spell Aberforth had thrown over the couple.

Hearing Rosmerta's shrill voice and Aberforth's deeper timbre, Minerva hurried to the stairs to be pushed aside as Rosmerta came running back down.

"Albus! No!" She ran into the kitchen and pushed him away from the body that lie on the table. "I want him here. If you try to take him so help me Merlin I will make your life a living hell. Don't think I wont tell everything I know about you and that stupid army you think you are being so fucking careful about. Don't think I won't talk about everything you wanted to know about the Malfoy's and Yaxley."

"I am only returning him to his family for a decent burial he cannot receive here." Albus did not respond to her anger, or her threat.

"And have his brother forever think of him on Christmas like this?" She walked to the table and looked down at his face. "This isn't Romulus. It''s not him. This is the wolf, the monster that took him."

She turned to Albus, fighting to swallow, knowing if she did not sit soon she would fall, thankful when Minerva slid a chair to the back of her legs and made her sit

"Albus, there is that plot on the ridge, we could… don't look at me like that. It has not been used for years but it is still Hogwarts' property and as such you need no approval."

"Rosmerta," Albus peered over his glasses. "It is a solution. There is a small, but well kept, cemetery we use for special magical creatures. If I may, I will take him there."

"With animals?"

"With wonderful creatures. The last true King of the Centaur, and the noble creatures that helped the original founders build the school are said to lie there. "

Rosmerta nodded, then stood and moved the now cool pudding to the sideboard. "I have work to do."

"Child, nothing that cannot wait."

Rosmerta lifted her eyes to Minerva's and then returned to her work of preparing the Christmas meal. "I trust you will tell Rhea and Anthony. They need to know, and they need to know that I failed."

"You did not…"

"I failed. They also need to know to stay away. There will be gossip and if the gossip follows them home Remus will know what happened." She looked back at the table and saw only the wolf. Rhea was right. She needed to see one and not think of the other.

She would cook dinner, and hope for guests. Christmas was in the morning, and there was much to do. Finishing the preparations for the handful of guests she would have, she returned upstairs and stood looking around her rooms, unsure of what to do, or where to start. For two years, he had slept here. For only two years she had shared her life with him.

She sat at the vanity, picked up her brush, let down her hair and began to ready for the day, refusing to cry and give in to what they had both known would happen. With a sudden anger, she slammed the heel of her hand into her reflection and screamed above the sound of shattering glass.

.

.

.

Spring was a long time coming that year. The snow seemed to have settled and did not want to move on, the north wind continued to bring down the icy air long into March, and still kissed the nights as April started.

Remus would fold his arms on the sill, then rest his chin on his arms as he sat and watched his father walk out to the new barn. His father had told him he could help finish the work on the inside, had even bought him a book on carpentry for Christmas, only to refuse to let him go out of the house. Remus had drawn pictures and told his dad how it should look and how he could make a ladder with no nails and how to attach the doors using pegs and posts instead of the more expensive iron hinges that had been destroyed with the old barn.

"If he wasn't such a book learner I could make him into a master carpenter," his father boasted and ruffled his hair.

"It's always good to have two trades," his mother would tell him. "Before we moved here your father could have gotten a job anywhere. He was what they called a mechanic, fixed all sorts of things when they went wrong."

On Remus' ninth birthday, he got his own tool set and four new books. One showed the workings of Muggle engines. He would sit next to his father and listen to the explanations of things he could only see in pictures.

The next Christmas he got a jumper, neatly folded at the foot of his bed. Their holiday meal was like any other, nothing special, nothing for only once a year. Vanilla cake at the end of the meal, covered with white fluffy frosting and sprinkled with chocolate was the only thing to set it apart. Remus frowned and looked at his lap when his mum brought it in and set it on the table.

"Thought at least we would have Plum Pudding, you always make it. This is the worse Christmas ever," he sniffed and ran his sleeve over his eyes. "Grandpa and Grandma didn't even come."

Rhea cleared the table leaving father and son alone. Not yet able to put this day and Marcus into two separate places. She saw Anthony watching her and turned to the sink to wash the dishes by hand.

"'It's not safe this year son." She stiffened at hearing Anthony, not wanting him to finish. "Wolves up on the ridge again. Too close for this time of year."

"I read in the Prophet about that big one. You think maybe it's him? Greyback they called him. You think that's what colour he changes?"

Rhea dropped the plate she was washing, cursing to see the new chip on the edge.

"No, probably just a regular wolf, son. No need for the likes of Greyback to be around these parts now is there?"

"Paper says that this time of year Werewolves come in closer looking for human blood cause the animals are still in their dens and holes, till it gets warmer he said."

"Can't believe everything you read in that rag. You got a question about them, or something scary you ask me or Mum, got it?"

"Yeah. So you think that is why they are coming closer?"

"No, I think it's because they are building over on the upper pasture. New house and the road is cutting into their running. The more land that's taken away the closer they come."

"Do they go after Muggles too?"

"Wolves? Of course."

"No," Remus put a piece of cake in his mouth and talked around it. "Werewolves."

"I believe they do. Only it's the wizards, and only the strongest ones, that live through it."

"Boy, if I ever see one I'll blast it."

Rhea turned back to the table and saw Anthony looking at her. "Well now Remus, what would you do if I was bit?"

"No wolf could get you Dad."

"Just pretend. Would you blast me?"

"Umm, well… no, but…"

"Why?"

"Cause you're my Dad."

"And?"

"An old bite couldn't make you mean, Dad. You'd never hurt no one."

"If a Werewolf got me I might."

"But ya wouldn't mean it. Not really."

"I see." His father leaned back in his chair. "So, the meaning is different to the doing?"

"Sort of." Remus leaned back in his chair, the mirror image of his father. "It's like Mum. She broke that plate but didn't mean to, but if she was to throw it at the wall bet you would give her bloody hell."

"Remus!" Rhea spun to him, horrified to hear him swear as Anthony began to laugh.

"Son, come to the living room. I have a story to tell you," he looked at Rhea and stood up, waiting for her response.

"Do you think he's ready?" she asked quietly, as Remus ran to the living room.

"I would say if he is old enough to read about Greyback in the paper, he is old enough to hear the truth."

"Anthony," she started as he crossed the distance to her. "Is it him? On the ridge, is it Greyback?"

"Hush now." Anthony tipped up her chin and gazed at her. "You are still beautiful. Do you know that?"

"I know that is your way of shutting me up."

Anthony chuckled and gave her a small kiss. "I don't think he will be all that surprised. He's a smart boy, and this past summer he kept hinting at things. It's been a year, Rhea, it can't be put off any longer."

She nodded and picked up the uneaten cake. "Here, if know him this will make it easier to swallow."


	6. A Boy Named Peter

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 6**

**A Boy Name Peter**

* * *

Remus loved the summer and the hot barefoot by the river days. Mum would wrap up a sandwich and cram it in his pocket, giving him yet again the directions on how to use the portkey that hung around his neck, making sure he knew the rules. He laughed at her and replaced the sandwich with one of the new paperback books he would get by owl post, eating the sandwich on the way, most of the time only minutes after breakfast.

He was disappointed that the new house, up near the summer pasture, was built by an old couple. He had crept up there every day to watch the progress of the building, seeing how large it was, how many rooms it may have. He imagined it could hold lots of people, a huge family with lots of kids. He just knew whoever bought it would have children, and had hoped for a boy about his age.

He had played with a girl once. Down at his grandparents after Christmas last year, when his Mum and Dad had to run off for business and he had gone to visit. He wasn't sure what to say when she had showed him the toy she held in her hand, with buttons and arrows that made the little man on the screen jump and wiggle. She had told him stories about how she went to school and rode a bus to get there. When he had asked what a bus was, she had giggled and laughed at him.

She made him feel clumsy, and said that people that lived on farms were stupid. He had clenched his fists and yelled back at her, and told her that one day he would be the greatest wizard there was. That he would create spells and be famous. That's when Grandma yanked him away and dragged him back home for a good paddling.

The first day he had seen people living in the house on the hill, he had run home and begged his Mum to go and introduce herself to whoever it was. It was polite, he told her. It was something she should do. He kept up until she had laughed and grabbed some of her homemade jelly, and headed up the hill with him. They were welcomed in and shown around, but later, later Rhea said she had not felt comfortable. The house was too formal, too new, too empty and much too uppity.

Remus ate his sandwich and squinted up at the house that looked so small from way down by the river. He wished he had enough money to buy one like it for his Mum.

"What you looking at?" The voice startled him, causing him to jump and dump his book from his lap into the water.

"Shite," he yelled and walked into the slow moving current. "Why'd you go and do that?"

"Didn't mean it." The other boy said and shrugged his shoulders. "You're trespassing you know."

"Am not." Remus looked up at him and frowned, then reached under the water and dragged up his soggy book. "Now it's ruined and Dad's going to kill me. Cost seven knuts it did."

"What was it?"

"Moby Dick. It's about this…"

"I know what it's about." The other lifted his head proudly. "Gramms lets me read all her books."

"Yeah? She got a lot?" Remus was at once interested.

"Yeah, but… well, I don't really like them much. I'm just here for the summer so don't care if you are trespassing or not."

"Thanks." Remus licked his lips and looked up at the house again. "That your Gramms' house?"

"Yeah, my Dad's Mum. Gramms Pettigrew but you call her that and you best run. I don't even call her that." He grinned.

"What do you call her?"

"_Grandmother _Pettigrew," he laughed. "Only I say Petty-phew."

Remus frowned at him and looked back up to the house.

"I'm kidding, I call her Gramms. You believe everything someone tells you?"

Remus sat down on the bank, letting his legs dangle in the water, looking up as the new boy came and sat next to him.

"I'm Remus."

"You a twin? You know like in Remus and … never mind. I'm Peter."

"Peter Petty-Phew?" Remus grinned.

"Watch it." Peter grinned back.

"You get to spend the whole summer with them?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I only see my Dad's Mum at the hols. Only I can't go no more."

"Really? Maybe she don't like your Mum. Gramms hates my Mum, she even told me she does."

"I don't know, never thought about it. You swim?"

Peter nodded and peeled off his clothes as he raced Remus into the water. They swam, and lay in the sun, trading stories and small-boy-bragging-lies until Peter heard his grandmother calling him.

"Must be five," he muttered. "Got to go."

"Five?" Remus jumped up and began pulling on his clothes, grabbing his shoes in his hands and running down the path. "Shite, Dad really will kill me now."

His feet pounded on the dry packed dirt as he ran as fast as he could. His mind had already started to put together lies that he would be afraid to use and he cursed himself as he tried to go faster, summer sweat already reclaiming the back of his neck as he ran.

Anthony met him at the gate and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him in the house and pushing him toward the stairs. Despite his protests, Remus was sent upstairs and told to get in bed, where he lay on his side and sniffed back his tears as he watched the sun disappear. His stomach growled and wished he had saved the sandwich from lunch.

He felt the mattress sink behind him and rolled on his back, knowing his Mum was there.

"We were worried."

"I wasn't that late, and I met a friend. His name…"

"How old is he?"

"Bout my age." Remus ran a sleeve under his nose.

"Was there anyone with him? Any grownups around?"

"He is staying with old lady Pettigrew. She's his Grandma, it's her house."

"You know better than talking to strangers and being gone so long."

"Ah Mum, I just want…"

"I'll talk to your Dad, but until he says its okay, you stay away. Do you understand?"

"It's not like Greyback is there waiting to get another Lupin, its just…"

Remus' hand flew to his cheek feeling the sting. His mother had never struck him, never spanked him or hit him before. His eyes stung as he crawled backwards on the bed away from her.

"You ever, ever talk to me like that again… you ever, ever infer that we have no reason to worry, that this is a joke I _will_ take a switch to you. Do you understand me?" Her voice shook as she tried to controll herself.

He watched her stand up and lean over him, and heard a rage in her voice that he had never heard before. Nodding his head and repeating what she said, he scrambled under the covers and laid as still he could until she turned away and slammed his door behind her.

It was hours later before the door opened again and Anthony called his son's name. He waited until the boy sat up on the edge of the bed before squatting down in front of him.

"Remus, I wanted you to know that Mum didn't mean to hit you. She was worried, and…it's a normal reaction. That don't make it right but…you'll understand some day."

"She hates m…"

"Stop that." Anthony scowled at him. "Never say things you don't mean in here." He tapped Remus on the chest. "Now, I came to ask you to do something for your Mum."

"What?" He looked up and shoved out his bottom lip.

"Go give her a hug. She hasn't stopped crying since she left you."

Remus slid off the bed and thundered down the steps. Seeing his mother look up from the sofa, he ran to her and flung his arms around her neck, not wanting to ever let go.

The next morning Anthony woke them where they still lay on the sofa, Rhea's arm wrapped around Remus, pulling him tight.

"How about a trip to Diagon? I need a new handle for the axe, old one split, and Remus here needs a new copy of Moby Dick if he is ever going to find out what happens."

"You mean it Dad?" Remus rubbed his eyes as he stood up. "Can we go to the Leaky Caldron too? I'll pay for the book, I've got a whole galleon and four knuts saved."

"Only if you hurry and collect your new friend. I spoke to Mrs. Pettigrew last night and said you would come around for him."

"Remus!" Rhea called him back from his run to the door. "I think we have time for you to get dressed."

The boy looked down at his sleeping pants and old tee and grinned, then ran to give her a kiss on the cheek before running upstairs to get ready.

The four ate breakfast at Remus' favourite place. He loved to watch the door and see who came in from the Muggle world. Except for his grandparents' house, he had never been beyond this room and would sit where he could catch a glimpse when the door let in the light.

"I went into London once," Peter said, seeing how he craned his neck for a look outside. "It's brilliant it is. At night, the whole place is lighted up. Not with candles and lamps either. It's awesome. The lights are all different colours and they even have ones that changes colours so you know when to cross the street."

Remus raised his eyebrow and looked at his father. He waited to see if his father nodded and when he did, turned back to Peter.

"Yeah, so? I knew that."

"Did not." Peter laughed and shoved half a slice of toast in his mouth.

"They have bridges that move without magic," Remus said smugly. "Read it in a book. And did you know that London is one of the biggest cities in the world? Ten million people, all at once."

"Go on," Peter looked at him with his eyes growing large.

"Right Dad?" Remus said proudly. "And guess what else? Someday, Dad said I could have a Muggle…what is it called Dad?"

"Bicycle." Anthony grinned and winked at Rhea.

"So?" Peter gloated, not to be outdone. "I got this thing… pogo stick I think it's called. It's a stick with places to put your feet and you jump up and down on it."

"What for?" Remus frowned at him.

"It's fun."

"Get out."

"Okay, boys," Rhea laughed. "Milking time won't wait, so what say we get down to the book store?"

She took each boy by the hand and led them out of the pub, knowing from their smirks and giggles that they thought themselves much too old for hand-holding. Anthony threw down his coins on the table and caught Tom's eye, letting him know the payment was made and left with his family into the small space out the back to tap the bricks.

He took the boys by the hand as Rhea pulled her wand and lifted it, when suddenly, she was pushed face first into the wall and held. At that instant, Anthony felt an arm begin to snake around his throat.

Anthony fought to lower his head and tuck his chin into his shoulder to stop whoever it was from choking him. He pushed his head back, slamming it into the head behind him as he brought his right and left hand together. Joining the boy's hands, he gasped "envy" to activate the portkey that took both boys away.

Remus and Peter landed in a jumble of limbs in the small sitting room. Remus stood and turned in a circle, waiting for his parents to follow.

"What …? I don't like this Lupin. If this is some kind of joke your Dad…"

"Shut up," Remus turned on him. "Did you see something?"

"No, but I heard your Dad swear."

"My Dad don't swear." Remus felt his eyes sting and knew he was going to cry. Something bad, really bad, had happened.

"I want to go home," Peter started for the door.

"No, Mum said if the portkey ever brought me back I should stay put and … I think you should stay put with me."

Together they peeked out the front window then ran to the kitchen window that looked out the back.

"I don't like this Lupin," Peter frowned. "I want to go home."

"Check out by the barn first. Okay?" Remus was unsure what to do. His Mum had never said the portkey would do anything but bring him home, now with Peter here, and her gone, he was scared.

Peter nodded and ran upstairs, following Remus who then looked out the window toward the barn.

"Your Dad's going to catch it if I tell Gramms. If he's joking me he's in big trouble," Peter's voice faltered.

Remus scowled and headed back downstairs. "You should stay. My mum's going to be really-really mad if you don't do what she says."

"You can't make me stay here," Peter's voice began to shake. "I want to go home, I said."

"He can leave, only use the floo, Peter." Rhea said hearing them argue as she came in the door. "Now Peter, hurry. Tell your Grandmother that we had a little accident and foolish me overreacted. Remus' father took a spill on the cobble stones is all. You know how uneven those cobble stones are."

She pushed him into the floo and threw down the powder, trying to smile at him.

"Mum? Mum? Where is Dad? Did he get hurt bad?"

"He's outside Remus. He is going to be fine." She ran to the door and opened it, running down the stairs and lifting Anthony's arm over her shoulder to help him in.

"He's gone," she looked at Anthony from the corner of her eye. "I sent him home in the floo."

He nodded and winced as she half dragged him up the stairs. "It's not as bad as it looks boy. Just scratches."

"Should I floo St Mungo's? I know how," Remus held the door open as his mother came in, struggling under the weight.

"No," his father croaked as Rhea lowered him to the sofa.

"Remus, get the first aid kit. Hurry, and get the potion in the cupboard, the blue and just in case the yellow."

"It's fine Rhea."

"Just in case," she whispered. "It helps with infection too. That's what they said. Not just … just in case you got dirt in the cuts or something… what if… oh my gods…."

"I'll drink it woman, if you just stop that infernal crying. He didn't bite me, and he wasn't in his wolf form. You know as well as I do that …"

He stopped talking when he eyes fell on Remus. The boy stood at the door, his arms full of bandages, his eyes locked on his father's. He heard, Anthony thought, he knew. Rhea stood up and looked at him, then saw the expression on Anthony's face.

"Remus," she called his name sharply. "You heard your father. He was scratched. Nothing more."

"Greyback? In the …. I thought he only… you know. In the forest."

"Come here Remus," Anthony struggled up and patted the place next to him. He drank the potions Rhea held out to him and then leaned back and pulled his son to his side.

"Greyback the man, can, and does go where he wants. That's not to say the he does it often. He is recognizable and if he is seen …" he stopped and looked to his wife for help.

"Like Marcus?"

"Yes," he sighed deeply, " except… Greyback was an evil man before he was turned, so even when he is not in wolf form he is evil."

"He's after you again?"

Anthony looked at Rhea and nodded. "He heard of Marcus is all."

"No!" Rhea shouted. "It's nothing Remus. He is just mad over something that happened a long time ago. He wanted something from your Dad is all, something…. He wouldn't give it to him… now he… he just…"

"Rhea, stop. Not even a child would believe that." Anthony sighed heavily and looked at Remus. "There are men in this world, in every world that want power. If you give them that power, they will just want more, and use it badly. Greyback is one such man."

"Power! Its not that simple, it's more," Rhea hissed.

"Your mother is right Remus. It is more, but it is enough for you to know now that he is angry with me, and because of that, he has set out to make things as difficult as he can."

"That's why he… you know… with Marcus."

"Yes, he wanted to hurt me."

"Remus," Rhea came over in front of him and fell on her knees. "Dad and I want you to know that we love you."

He looked up at his Dad knowing something was happening. Something bad.

"You're going to be living at your Grandmothers for a while. Until… now Remus, don't look so worried, just until we find a new place."

"For … like a holiday?"

Rhea bit her lip and shook her head. "Exactly like a holiday, only a little longer this time."

"I'd have to stay in all the time?"

"Remus, just until we can think of something else."

"But she'll make me stay in and won't let me talk to anyone. You said I didn't have to go back there any more, Mum. You promised."

"We can hire someone, or find someone to help us make the new place unplottable." Anthony flexed his arms and smiled at Rhea as the potions took away the last of the pain.

"You can do it. Can't you Dad?"

"Sorry, son," he grinned. "Even if I could, it should be someone outside. It should be someone Greyback won't suspect. That's why Mum hasn't done it. Remus, he caught me today and let me go with a warning. If he did it once he can do it again, and force me or your Mum to show it to him."

"Like a secret house?" Remus asked. "But, he can get you anyway, then …"

Rhea stood and busied herself in the kitchen, not able to explain that if they were killed he would need a protector. Someone that had set the original wards, and would be able to reset them to new, if needed.

"Something like that, but someone else would keep the secret. Now, you help Mum get lunch ready, and I'm just going to clean off the rest of the Alley I brought home on my trousers."

"Mum?" Remus stood in the kitchen at his mother's elbow. "If I'm really good and don't go to the river and be late, can I stay?"

"Your grandmother will be happy for the company," she sighed and kept her eyes turned from his. "She said she would have you 'til it was your turn to go to Hogwarts."

"No." He tugged on her sleeve. "No, Mum. You said like on a holiday."

"It's done." Rhea turned her back on him and began to set the table. "She said next Monday would suit her. She needs time to do up a room for you."

"I won't stay there?" He yelled at her. "I wont, I wont and I'll just run away!"

He ran from the room and up the stairs, flopped belly down on his bed and sobbed until he could sob no more. Then wrapping himself in his quilt, he fell asleep.


	7. The End of Childhood

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 7**

**The End of Childhood**

**

* * *

**

Remus woke, surprised to see the darkness out his window. He climbed out of bed and walked to the window, watching his father walk toward the barn, an old lantern swinging in his hand, lighting the dirt path in a perfect arc in front of him. He bit his lip and glanced back over his shoulder, making sure the door was still tightly closed, then lifting the sash he stepped out on to the sloping roof that extended over the kitchen on the lower floor. Sitting down, with his feet flat in front of him, knees up, he leaned back on his elbows and wiggled down to the edge. Getting to his knees, he crawled past the door and the back window, grabbed the eves and let his feet drop, holding on until he found his courage, then dropped to the ground in a whoosh as the air left his lungs.

He knew if he talked to Dad he could change his mind about making him go to his Grandmother's. He just knew he had to talk to him away from Mum, just between the men of the house. Sneaking around the corner of the barn, he looked up to see the full moon and grinned. He would be able to see the whole length of the barn, clear up to the door where a pool of yellow light would guide him the rest of the way. A shadow stalked across the barn's light and Remus hurried towards it. He knew the only reason Dad would be here at this time of night was to get something he had forgotten and once he had it, he would return inside to the warmth of the fire.

His father's angry voice came to him. He crouched down, not close enough to hear the words, hearing only the angry low timbre of his father's voice and a low snarl in return. Remus froze, and pressed his back to the barn's wall. He looked back at the house thinking surely it had never been so far before, or looked so lonely and small.

Something banged in the barn, sending vibrations down the wall that he felt in his back, he heard the ratchet of his father's Muggle rifle, and turned to stand up and peek in the window. He gave an empty milk can a shove and stood on it, gripping the sill and pulling up to see what was happening.

He saw his father's back, and saw him raise the rifle to his shoulder, saw him hold his breath, saw his arm tense as his finger wrapped around the trigger. Remus sucked in air too quickly, too quickly pulled his head back from the glass, his foot slipping out from under him as the can tipped and he landed on the ground. Pushing up onto his knees, Remus struggled to stand, hearing an explosion and a split second later his father's scream. He propelled himself to the barn's door, as his mother's voice screamed out to him from the house.

He stopped, unable to understand what he saw. He took a step forward looking at what was in front of him, wanting it gone, wanting it to stop, wanting to look away but not able to stop staring. The creature stood over a man, a man Remus did not know, did not recognize, did not want to acknowledge. A man his mind refused to let him see. Fangs dripped with blood as a massive head with snarling breath swung towards him.

Remus took a step back, his eyes searching for his father. He looked into the back corner of the barn and saw the side door left open. A thing his father would never do. Again, the thing in front of him snarled, then lifted its snout to the ceiling and howled.

Then, the creature left the thing that was on the ground and circled him, sniffing the air over his head as slowly the circles became smaller and smaller. As the wolf circled him, Remus could not take his eyes off the black pool of clothing and gore that laid on the floor. He stepped closer to it, feeling the wolf's breath on his neck, and still he stepped forward to look down praying not to see what his mind refused to let him fully accept was there.

"No!" Rhea screamed as she ran into the barn. She reached out her hand, grabbed the axe, held it in both hands like a club and swung it at the wolf as she made her way to Remus.

"You son of a bitch," her teeth were clenched as she swung every time she saw the wolf move. "Remus, the portkey, go."

He looked at her trying to hear her, to understand, but all he could do was point to the shape on the floor.

"I said go," she hissed. "NOW!"

Remus opened his mouth to say his secret word, swallowed and looked down again. Taking a step back and looking up at his mother, he saw two more wolves sitting on their haunches at the door.

They joined their pack leader in the slow dance, each circled, each dividing Rhea's attention, until they took up positions and stilled. One laid down with his head on his paws, watching with yellowed eyes, a low rumble coming his chest, as the other paced nervously by the door.

"Remus, listen to me," Rhea felt her arms getting weaker as the swung the axe again and again. "Use your portkey, then the floo. Go… just go…."

"I … Mum….I am scared… really ….scared Mum."

She looked at him from the corner of her eyes, not letting the wolves get closer as she stepped between them and her son. "I left my wand in the house. Too far for an Accio. Remus, the port key. Put the wand on my windowsill. Then floo to your Grandmothers."

"Dad had his other gun," he swallowed hard.

"Remus, no, just go. It will be light soon, if you go I'll hold them off, just please … do as you are told."

Remus turned and all but flew to the spot on the floor where his father's coat laid. _It's not him, it's not him_, he thought, as he found the pocket and reached in to grab the pistol.

The thing that he now knew was Greyback, snarled as the pistol flashed in Remus' hand, and as Remus reached to transfer the weapon from his now bloodied hand to his mother, Greyback leaped over her, taking down the boy and sinking his teeth into his shoulder.

"Noooooo," Rhea screamed as she arced the axe and buried it in the hind whither of the animal, rushing to Remus as it howled in pain and turned its snout to bite its own leg, trying to be rid of the pain.

She grabbed the rifle from the ground, wrapped her hands around the dirt and gore covered wood of the stock and pointed it at the next wolf that now crept closer.

"Accio wand!" She shouted and threw out more magic then she had ever done before, relieved as the wand came sailing through the back door to her free hand. Dropping the rifle, she spun as soon as the slap of wood told her it was time and yelled "Avada Kedava" as the bright flash of green erupted from her wand.

Dropping to the ground, she pulled Remus to her and pushed him flat. She then knelt on one knee, placing her son between her knee and her foot that still held her up, and pointed her wand at the third, that now came to it's feet. Leaning forward she grabbed the axe with her free hand.

"You want me you fucking coward? Come on, take me instead," she snarled. "You're not getting him. Not this one, he's mine."

She stood, Remus at her feet, and pointed the wand again just as the barn doors were blown off their hinges and three Aurors ran in.

She ignored them, sending her next "Avada Kedava" bringing the second one down. She spun to Greyback seeing him leap for the window, her third curse missed and struck the wall.

"Mrs. Lupin," a large burly Auror put his arm out to steady her.

"Fuck off." She slapped his arm away and ran for the door. "Get him to St. Mungo's."

A strong set of arms yanked her back. "Let us do that, you go with them." The older Auror nodded to where Remus was already being picked up and whisked out of sight.

Rhea pushed him back and spun to look across the lighting meadow, running after Greyback as fast as she could, her wand at the ready. She followed the trail of blood, after a few minutes realizing that the big burly Auror hunted with her. She squatted down to touch the blood, and found it cold and coagulating to the touch.

"Fuck," she hissed. "Quite down, listen."

He hunkered down with her and watched as she brought the bloodied hand to her nose. "He circled back."

She stood and started to head back to the barn when he grabbed her elbow.

"Sun's coming up, he'll be gone now." He nodded to the horizon. "How do you know he's headed back?"

"Clover, I could smell the clover that grows up the pass. He must have headed up there then circled back, trying to get behind us. I hope those arses you are with know how to fight." She suddenly felt weak and slumped to the ground.

"The boy's at St. Mungo's," he said softly.

"I have to get there," she nodded, swiped at her face with her sleeve, rose to her feet and started back to the barn.

"Mrs. Lupin, is there anyone we can floo for you? Any family?"

"My family is lying in the barn, and up at St. Mungo's." She pushed him aside, and continued on.

She got to the barn as the last wolf was taken away, leaving only her husband lying where he had fallen. Kneeling down she cleaned his face, letting her tears run free where they fell and mix with the blood that had already started to crust on his face.

"He wanted to get the fishing poles, you know, so they were ready when Remus woke," she explained, looking up at the scarred face looking down at her. "He was just gone for a moment ... and… he just wanted to get the fishing poles."

She leaned over and kissed his forehead as sobs ripped her chest. The Auror bent down and helped her up, turning her head from what was left of her husband.

"Your son is up at St. Mungo's. He's bad off, real bad."

She turned her head up, and looked around at the gore and blood covering the floor. "His parents live up at Godric's they need to know and I … I need to go."

"John! Godric's Hollow. The Lupins." He barked out orders to one of the newer Aurors that had just arrived.

She nodded and wiped her wand on her sleeve, tucking it back in her pocket. "I need help, I don't … I'll splinch … I don't think I can make it…"

"Do you want to say good-bye to him first? In a ... The Ministry requires this type of … listen, just…shite, we have to bury him right away. The Ministry's regulations you know. Whenever there is a Werewolf…"

"I know," she managed to choke out. "Just get me out of here, please."

He pulled her into his side and nodding to the last of the Aurors on the scene, left for St. Mungo's.

"Coming through, " he said briskly as he held her close to his side, his free hand holding her head down, away from the press that was already starting to arrive. "Out of the way you bloody fool! I see that camera again, you'll be picking it out of your arse. Damn paper, poking around. Gods damned Prophet."

He pushed and pulled her down the hallway, always keeping her close to the wall and keeping her face hidden. She tried to block out the calls and questions that they flung at her as she passed, but by the time she was in the elevator she was ready to pull her wand and blast her way to his room.

"Gods, why do they allow those people in here?"

"Big news when someone lives through a bite."

"No, I got him before that, it… he was clawed, badly, but it is a clawing." She spat at him. "You'll see. He'll be just … just fine."

Remus looked so small on the bed, so white, so weak. Rhea stalled at the door as her heart stopped and tried to explode out of the chest. Marcus had been bitten, but not like this, not in the shoulder so close to the neck, not with flesh ripped and hanging open, exposing muscle and sinew.

Rhea made it to the bed and reached out, stroking his head. She looked up at the medi-witch in tears.

"How is he doing? What did the healer say?"

"Healer?" She looked at Rhea nervously. "I'll make him as comfortable as I can, but there is nothing a healer will do for him."

"Get a fucking healer in here and do it now," she seethed. "I have my wand, and if you don't want it shoved up your arse you will get him in here and do it now. Am I clear? Yes? Then move!"

"Moody, you talk to her," the medi-witch hissed on her way out. "Make her understand what is happening here."

"Nope," he growled. "That's a boy lying in there. He never asked for this, now you go get that healer before I ask that witch if she still wants one. Oh, and tell the Healer she already took down two of those bastards tonight, don't think one more will matter to her."

Waiting less than three minutes, she pushed Moody aside and went out to the hallway, then looked both ways, not knowing where to go. Hearing voices coming from the next room, she kicked open the door and pulled her wand.

"Who here is a Healer?" she demanded, seeing one hand start to move only to drop back down. "If you don't want more work tonight I suggest you get your arse in there and look at my son."

He patted the medi-witch, who was cowering next to him on the arm, telling her to sit and wait for him and stepped outside with Rhea, eyeing her wand nervously.

"In here," she said, indicating Remus' room.

"Mrs. Lupin, I am the Wizarding Registrar on this ward, and I can assure you there is nothing to be done."

"Heal him. You haven't even…"

"My dearest Mrs. Lupin, John, John Dawlish has just been to see me. I thought I may be of assistance." Albus Dumbledore swept into the room amid a swirl of yellow robes and blue stars. "He was one of the Aurors that tried to help you this evening."

"Headmaster?" Rhea ran to him and grabbed his arm. "They won't treat him, they are letting him die. Please, do something, anything, but don't let him die… he, it's Remus, Marcus' little brother. Please. Greyback pushed him down, that all, just his shoulder."

Albus patted her arm and joined the Healer at the bed. Pulling his own wand, he began to heal the wound. The Healer Accio-ed blood potions and a bright yellow potion Rhea recognized for infection. She stepped closer and watched, as the ragged ends of flesh were pulled taunt and stretched together. She heard the healer curse, and saw him look up at her from under his brows, then lower back down to his work.

"It's going to scar. We can't…" he looked at Albus before continuing, "we can't replace the tissue, not on this kind of wound. The tendons are all repaired, and it seems to have missed the larger muscle, but don't expect much. Even if he lives, I doubt he will ever have full range of movement."

Someone guided Rhea to a chair that was set up near the wall and gently lowered her on to it, guiding a potion to her mouth. She tried to clamp her mouth shut, but felt a firm hand on her forehead, holding her still and another set of hands forcing a metal tube between her clenched teeth, and the potion, cool and sweet as it ran down the back of her throat. She gave up the fight, and with Anthony's name on her lips, fell forward.

"Alastor, put her over there." Albus pointed to the second bed in the room. "Now, tell me what happened."

"Greyback. Not much more to tell. The Lupin's have collected their son. He is being buried up at Godric's with the rest of the family. The Ministry will deny it of course, but we know Greyback has a pack now. He did this, and your poor, sweet little Mrs Lupin over there killed two on her own."

"You are sure? You witnessed the removal?"

"Yup, heads burnt, bodies buried. Those two won't be back. Only problem is, did it before the sun was full up so we don't know who they were."

"Perhaps that is a blessing, if the families can be spared the pain of being identified. Perhaps knowing would be worse."

"How's the little one?"

"Waste of time," the Healer spat at the two wizards. "If he makes it through the night we are sure to have a nasty infection on our hands, and he only has a month to heal before the transformations start. If his mind can take it, his body won't. In any event he will never use that arm. He's worse than no good to anyone."

"Heard the same thing myself, when I almost lost this." Alastor slammed his leg on the floor, pulled up his pant leg to show the metal straps, and glared at the healer. "Now, I think I'll wait right here until you fix that boy up, and I suggest you do the best you can on that arm. He has a lot to do with it yet, and with that one for a mother he's going to make it just fine."


	8. Transformations

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 8**

**Transformations**

* * *

Rhea sat by Remus' bed all the next day and into the next night, looking for some sign that he would wake. She bathed his body using soap and water, not trusting scourgify to remove everything, not wanting him to see the blood and to think it was his father's, or to know how badly he had been attacked. Her own clothing had been discarded, and new brought down from Hogwarts, in one of Minerva's visits.

Every time her thoughts would turn to Anthony, she would stand and pace around her son's bed unable to cry when she saw what was in front of her. He died for this boy. He stood up to a creature he did not understand and had died for his sons, she steadfastly refused to cry, trying to stop her tears and be as strong as he.

Rhea climbed up in the bed with Remus, put her back against the headboard and pulled him onto her lap, only sleeping when she could feel him, and know if he stirred. She could only sleep a few minutes at a time, jerking her head up when Anthony's scream echoed in her mind, or when the sound of the gunshot would jar her awake. At first, it was the door she heard, the loud crack, the sharp retort, and then the scream. She jerked awake and again ran her hand through Remus' hair.

She thought of Marcus, remembering everything they had gone through. She remembered how he had cried and screamed as his body twisted and contorted in pain at the first transformation, and how Anthony had held him and cried with him, screaming at the sky and cursing Greyback. Lifting Remus' upper body to her chest, she lowered her head and cried into his neck, not knowing if she could do this again, and not knowing if she could not. Again, she heard the door slam shut. She prayed that it had been the door, only the door and not the sharp retort of a gun.

She felt him move, just his leg, like a tiny flutter and then saw his eyes part, looking up to her, drugged and foggy. She smiled and kissed his brow, as his eyes closed again and she heard him sigh. _Just a sigh_, she thought, and knew then that she could do it.

The next morning she was sitting at the side of the bed as Albus came in. She knew by his expression that he was quite pleased with something. She pulled the blanket up around Remus' shoulders and went to stand with him at the door.

"Mrs. Lupin, we have been successful in stopping the newpapers from publishing the names involved in the incident. You will have complete privacy in this matter, although we will ask you to go over the statement we have on record to check it for …"

"Headmaster, I don't know how to thank you. Of course I will help. I'll do anything to help bring down that creature."

"Now, what can I do for you, my dear? I am afraid you have a hard journey ahead of you."

"I have been on this trip before," she tried to smile. "Only, not alone before. I'm scared. I can't lie, I …can't."

"Not now, my dear. Take your time."

"I don't have time," she hissed. "He has twenty-six days to learn what is going to happen to him."

"We can help. We will…"

"How? Who do you know that has been through this? No one? I see." She flung her arm toward the bed and glowered at him. "Look at him and tell me anyone can help me, or tell me how to handle this."

"The offer stands, my dear." Albus neared the bed, shaking his head. "If you think of anything, anything at all, just send me an owl."

"I'm sorry, Albus, truly I am." She laid her hand on his arm. "I didn't mean it like that, and I do appreciate everything you have done to keep this quiet, but I have so much to do. I had hoped to hear from Anthony's parents by this time. I sent them an owl explaining Remus' injuries and how I expect him to recover, but haven't heard back."

"Give them time, they have just buried their son." Albus said quietly, still watching Remus. "I am sure you will hear from them shortly."

"The only owl I got was from that Pettigrew kid," she smiled and reached in her pocket. "Here, read this."

Albus unrolled the parchment and started to chuckle.

_Gramms said I cant come see you no mor. She say your Mum was a crazy one to send me home in your floo cuz I got dirty and full soot. _

_I will see you for swimmen in the river. Gramms cant see that far. _

"I can only hope that the young Mr. Pettigrew improves his grammar before his Hogwarts letter, if not his character," Albus smiled still chuckling.

"It's sweet," she took the missive back and tucked it in her pocket before turning back to look at Remus. "I need to find new place. I can't take him back there."

"I will speak to the Ministry about your property. It's value will not be effected by this as we have kept it quiet, and I see no reason they cannot be convinced to advance you the sale price, once it is pointed out it is their failure to capture Greyback that has caused this."

"You can do this?"

"I believe so. That, or I plan on making an issue of the fact that a small witch was able to stop two Werewolves with no help from their trained squads. I think they may see it my way."

"Headmaster, I don't want Remus to ever know that." She walked to the bed and stroked his forehead. "He only needs to know that his father, a Muggle, loved him more than his own life. He needs to learn not to count on anyone. He will learn, Albus. I know what to do this time, I just don't know how."

"He also needs to learn how to live, Rhea." Albus looked over his glasses at her. "Marcus was a fine man. He was able to find some measure of happiness before he was taken all too early."

"This world will not ignore my son. He _will _be part of it. I swear to you, Albus, he may be Marcus' brother, but he won't hide away and depend on the kindness of strangers. I won't sit by this time and hope. This time I'll make damned sure he is not pushed under a rock someplace and ignored."

"Rhea, we will.."

"Anything, you said?" She turned and looked at Remus. "Then erase the records. Give him a chance, a real chance. Find a way Albus, because without it, he is lost."

.

.

The first transformation was harder on Rhea than on Remus. On one level he understood what was happening, but on another wondered how his hands would turn to claws, and if his whole body would cover with fur and elongate as his mother had told him.

Mercifully, he only remembered bits and pieces of the incident in the barn. He remembered lifting up and looking in the window. He remembered the shot, and his mother's scream, he remembered lying on the floor between a pair of boots, wanting to go to sleep. He imagined his father standing over him, protecting him, and finally falling to the monster, unable to fight off the magical creature until the Aurors arrived.

Rhea did not correct him, or tell him what had really happened. His mind needed an explanation it could accept, and if this was his mind's memory, she would make it hers as well.

She had found a small place for them to share, a place on the fringe of nowhere. The cottage sat on a ridge, with a view of the sea down the sloping meadow that seemed to go on forever, uninterrupted by human life. They had a small barn, which they laughed at and thought it more a shed than a true barn.

Only chickens and two goats for milk, a small plot for vegetables and enough distance from neighbours not to hear his screams was all she had looked for, and all she had found. When she had left the hospital to return to the farm and pack up what she could, she had seen the evidence of the anger that Greyback held. Moody had shaken his head and held her back from digging through the still smouldering ruins to find the only thing she would miss, the small Muggle picture of her eldest son.

That first transformation started with Remus sitting on her lap, playing the game she had played with his father. He found Sirius, and watching her face he smiled at the story of Orion and his faithful dog, as his skin started to stretch over hands that ached and turned inward until his thumb pressed against his arm. She held him and pointed to Bellatrix, and began that story as his head dropped and his breathing became uneven, as his legs curled under him, and he whimpered in pain.

"Ah, Remus," she gently chided him. "Don't give him that. Don't let him know he hurt you. Let him know that you are as strong as he, and one day will be stronger."

"It hurts." He thrashed against her chest as she clamped her arms around him, locking her legs over his and holding him still.

"Don't fight," she whispered into his ear. "Let it happen. Let it carry you away to strange and wonderful places, exciting and dark, safe and warm."

"Nooo!" he howled, "make it stop, please Mum, make it stop."

"Remember Dad?" She closed her eyes and let her tears fall onto the top of his head. "He said only the strongest, bravest of wizards could do this, and you're doing it. You are doing it just fine."

She felt him slump and saw his head loll to the side. It was over; over until the moon dipped back down over the horizon and allowed the sun to outshine its light, then it would start again. Each time it would be worse, each time it would take more of him away.

She loosened her grip and pulled his lips back to check his teeth. His mouth had not changed, the roof of the mouth still shallow, narrow and arched, she sighed seeing that he as of yet did not have fangs, and knew that if he was like Marcus, she would be safe from him for five months more. Then she would tie him in the barn and see him as a wolf.

Tonight she could still pretend that he was her baby. She sat with him, and softly sang as she rocked him and smoothed his hair. The morning transformation would be less painful, a sliding back, a return to what he knew. She looked down at his sleeping face and wondered what he dreamed, and if those dreams were boy or cub. She bit her lip, considering whether it would make a difference. Perhaps, she thought, perhaps if he could learn to hold on to his boy dreams he could beat this thing and keep his mind.

At breakfast, Remus pushed his food around on his plate, occasionally sniffing and running his nose along his sleeve. He rested his elbow on the table and put his head in his hand, watching his mother at the stove. When she brought the plate of sausage to the table and sat down with him, he avoided her eyes, not wanting her to see his tears.

"Elbow off the table," she passed him the plate, holding it out to him until he took it from her.

"Mum?" he looked up at her through his lashes. "Can ya tell? I mean… now."

"Say you, not ya, can you tell, and no I cannot." She frowned and poured her tea. "Remus, we need to work together on fitting in. I have gotten lazy myself, and I want you to help me with this."

"Doing what?"

"Try, How may I help you? Not _doing what?_" She smiled at his look of confusion and patted his hand. "It doesn't matter when it's just you and me, but you need to learn how to fit in, and the way you talk shows who you are and where you come from. More than that, it can show where you are going."

"Dad says… Dad said we didn't need to put on airs like some do, he said just be yourself."

"That was then." She pushed a glass of milk over to him and sipped her tea, trying to judge how much she could do today. "I've decided that your lessons will start today, you have missed enough."

"My books are gone, and my quill. Mum, can I stay home when you go to Diagon?"

"No," she said softly. "Honey, no one will know until it is time."

His head snapped up and looked at her. "They can't know, Mum, you know they can't."

"Someday they will," she smiled at him, reached across the table and held his chin. "Because, _my_ son, will do great things. _My_ son will be the smartest, bravest and the best wizard they have ever seen. And _my son_ will make his father proud."


	9. Riddikulus

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling **

**Chapter 9  
**

**Riddikulus**

**

* * *

  
**

Remus held his mother's hand and craned his neck to look up at the painting over the door. It both disturbed, and fascinated him. Rhea tugged his arm, but felt his reluctance to leave the spot that held him mesmerised.

"What is it Remus?" She squatted down and looked at the picture from his viewpoint. "Does it scare you?"

"No," he swallowed hard as he studied it. "It's awesome Mum."

"It's called _Watson and the Shark_," she told him. "That man in the water, the one the Sharks are after, he goes on to earn a title and become famous. Loses his leg, but that didn't stop him."

"Look at the men in the boat," he whispered in her ear, still nervous to talk aloud in the museum. "They are all different. Do you think they know each other?"

"I don't know," she looked at him oddly. "The story was that he was swimming when the shark bit him. They rowed out to save him I guess. I really don't know. Why?"

"Do you think he was their kind?"

She looked at the picture again and shrugged her shoulders. "There are books downstairs in the gift shop. Why don't we see if they have something about this one?"

"Yeah, I mean yes." He nodded his head. "But, see the old man? See the one standing up in front, and the black man standing behind him? I think they were just helping out, not trying to save their own."

"Could be, does that change things in the picture?"

"I guess not, it shouldn't, but yeah, it does. They don't care if he's one of theirs or not. They are just trying to help, don't matter who he is. I don't think I could do that, go after a shark and all."

"It's surprising what you can do if you have to." She looked back at the painting. "Sometimes something just kicks in and makes you do things you don't think you could do."

She stood up and after a few minutes, they continued to walk, Rhea pointing out different paintings and giggling at the sculptures that they could not figure out. Remus liked their Monday afternoons. They would travel to London to see things his Mum thought he should see. If he was good they would stop in a Muggle restaurant and eat lunch, watching how the Muggles lived and once even riding in the back of a taxi. He didn't like that part. He liked the trains that ran under the roads and went so fast he felt his stomach lurch.

On Tuesday afternoons, they would spend time at home, working on the small plot of land that they still thought of as a farm. He would fix the door if it squeaked, and learned how to change ripped screens, and even use Muggle tools. Mum had found a new carpentry book and together they would read and try to make the things it showed.

They built a woodbox in the back of the cottage that opened to the yard. When full, it could be opened on the other side of the wall inside the kitchen. She taught him how to build a fire, and then showed him how to use the wand instead. Everything he did, he needed to learn two ways, her way, and the way that was his father's. She knew that he would need two worlds to keep him safe, not just the one that had turned on Marcus.

Rhea could not give him a wand, but she could let him hold her arm and learn the feel and rhythm. Then, she would have him hold the wand and her hand would rest on his as he learned the spells. Spells intended to stop a wolf and keep him safe. Spells to kill and spells to bind.

When winter came and the north wind howled down, she taught him how to build a fire and how to cast a warming spell. When the snow banked up against the cottage door she taught him first how to shovel, and then shivering as he watched, took out her wand and impatiently levitated it away.

"That's cheating," he grinned. "You said no cheating."

"I lied," she pulled her robes tighter and frowned into the cold. "You build a fire and I'll make cocoa, how's that sound?"

They stomped the snow off their feet in the too small kitchen. Rhea took his coat and turned to hang it on the hook as Remus ran to open the woodbox. His scream brought her around, her hand already on her wand, her arm coming up as she spun.

Remus fell backwards, landing on his bum as a snarling wolf hovered over him.

"Riddikulus," Rhea shouted and began to laugh. The wolf snapped its jaws shut and turned to her, then looked back at the cowering boy and snarled again.

"Remus," she spoke sharply to call his attention away from what he saw. "Help me, boy. He's not here, just a puff of smoke."

She flicked her wand, and again shouted her command and tried to laugh when she was joined by Remus' thin attempt. It was enough, and Rhea managed to get the reflection of his fear safely back in the woodbox.

"Well," she tucked her wand back in her pocket. "That was interesting."

"What was it?" He clamoured up from the floor and scurried around to her back, peeking out at the woodbox.

"That, my dear, is a boggart. Not a bad thing, but not good either. It just is." She smiled at him and began to laugh. "I feel sorry for them, really I do. They don't have a life of their own so they change into your fears. They can't hurt you Remus, they are just … sad really."

"What do they look like when they are not, you know?"

"Good question," she smirked. "No one seems to know. When you see one it's always your fear that looks back."

"What do you see, Mum?"

She started to blush and then giggled at him. "It changes. As your fears change so does the boggart."

"Yeah, but, how about you?"

"When I was your age I saw the goblins, like at the bank. Don't laugh, they scared the daylights out of me." She ruffled his hair and looked at the woodbox before thinking it best to use her wand to heat the stove for the cocoa. "When I got older and met your father, and you can never tell her this, I saw your Grandmother."

He grinned and climbed up to the table. "She is scary. Especially, when she makes me go to church with her, and gets all funny if I talk with Old Lady Sinclair."

"Is she the one that thinks everyone is possessed by the devil?"

"You know her?"

"I've met her. She's harmless, but your Grandmother hates her."

"Why?"

"Well, she won't admit it, but I think it is because Old Lady Sinclair is the best cook in that whole parish. Whenever they have potlucks, Sinclair's dish is gobbled right up and your Grandmother's goes home with her."

"Is your boggart still Grandmother?"

"No." She slid the hot cocoa on the table. "Right now it's the room of a ten year old boy that is growing things under his bed."

"Ah, come on, it's not that bad."

"Almost as bad as your Latin, and that's saying something."

"Is not," he pouted.

"Remus, don't do that, you know I don't like it. It draws attention." She gently chided him. "And you know better than to sit at that end of the table."

"I…" he looked over her shoulder at the window. "I forgot."

"You have to pay attention. It has to become a habit. Until it does you're not safe."

"Can you see it now?"

"No, but an hour from now I'll be able to, and if I see your iris change, so will others. You know that."

"Sorry," he muttered, turning his head from the darkening window.

"Sorry will be when you go straight to bed after dinner for forgetting."

"I know," he put his elbow on the table and rested his head in his hand.

"Remus!"

He rolled his eyes and frowned at her, then lifted his head and brought his arm off the table.

"That will cost you dessert, want to keep going?"

"No." He fought to look directly at her, not pout, or look upset.

"Better, now go do your Latin."

He stood up and carefully pushed back his chair before slowly walking out of the room. One more punishment and he would lose dinner as well. Last week had been the worse. From morning until night he could not get anything right. He felt his stomach clench just remembering her look when he had told her she'd been stupid for making a cake in the first place, since he hadn't had any for a month.

Rhea sat in the living room and took up a pair of knitting needles. She was determined to learn how to do this the Muggle way. She cast on eighty-four stitches and began the ribbing that would form the bottom band of the jumper, avoiding looking toward the kitchen. Turning the piece and starting up the second row, she bit her lip and glanced up at the ceiling, listening for movement from Remus' room.

Again, she turned the piece and knitted alternate stitches, her hands moving faster as she hunched her shoulders down over the yarn. "Shite," she cursed, threw down the knitting and stomped to the kitchen, where she stood tapping her wand on her hand, glaring at the woodbox.

She held her wand steady, seeing her nervous reaction, and began to pace. _Fine,_ she thought, and lifted the lid, stepping back and peering inside. With a sigh of relief, she turned back to the other room, feeling foolish at her need to test herself.

"Mrs. Lupin?" a silky voice slammed into her back, spinning her around and causing her to catch her breath. "You know we cannot accept him? You know he will remain as he is, uneducated, unwanted, uninvited."

She pressed her back to the wall, and watched Dumbledore walk around her kitchen, his yellow robes with the blue stars out of place and glaring in the soft candle light. "We don't want him," he leaned towards her and hissed.

She raised her wand, and hesitated, hesitated for a moment to send a curse, wanting, needing to send a hex. Her throat closed and she pressed her eyes closed, feeling tears begin to seep under her lids.

"Riddikulus," Remus' hand lay over hers on the wand, his eyes large and unblinking.

"Wow, you scared of the Headmaster? Did you do bad in school?"

"No," she reached out for one of the kitchen chairs. "That was… was…"

"Ridicules?" Remus grinned.

"Yes, and… badly not bad…" she managed a grin back at him.

"Did you do badly in school?"

She laughed at the lift of his chin, and the way he put his shoulders back to face her. "No, I did quite well. Now bedtime for you, remember, only two more days and you will need your strength."

"I got it all figured out this time. I think it will work." He shoved his hands in his pockets as she had taught him, and took deep breaths to hide his excitement. "I think if I see it like a boggart, that it scares me more then it can hurt me, I think I can make it stop."

"You can try," she said evenly. "It's the trying that is important, but sometimes we can't do everything we try."

"Will you say Riddikulus for me? You know, when it starts?"

She nodded and saw the relief that spread over his face. The same way Marcus would look in the morning, when he came back to her from whereever his mind went when the moon was full. She marvelled at the difference in the two. How one would welcome the sun, and the other saw the moon as only a fearful challenge. A challenge he may still be able to reach.

Summer came and with it longer days, and shorter nights. Remus liked the summer best, the changes were shorter, the barn warmer, the blanket that lay on the floor near his chaining post even seemed softer, and smelled sweeter. He knew his mother washed it in real soap and water after every moon, and hung it in the sun to dry, as if he could smell the sun and take it with him into the darkness. The last moon had been different. He had lost bits and pieces of the night and try as he might, could not find the memories to put them back where they belonged.

Mum had told him that he would soon lose his human thoughts, and as he got older and the wolf stronger, he would not even remember the whole transformation, only remembering the pain at the start and at the end. That was the part that scared him. He did not understand, yet, what at a grown wolf could do. Rhea had been careful in her explanation of his condition, not telling him that one day he would be capable of the same thing he had seen in Greyback, not wanting to believe it herself.

His father's death hung between him and the truth. He knew Greyback had killed his father, but in his mind, it was the Greyback the man, the evil before the wolf, that had ripped open his father's throat and ate his flesh. Sometimes Remus would dream of a wolf, a wolf that would slink into his room and turn into a man, before his cries made him wake in a cold sweat.

Rhea waited every day for the letter that she knew should come. Marcus had been taken from school to learn how to transform, and to hide what he was, but Remus knew. He knew how to hide his anger, to shove his hands in his pockets and lower his head, to turn away from confrontations and to hide in the shadows. She had picked his clothing with care, only buying traditional garb, old fashioned and designed to go forgotten, not the tight jeans and bright colours that he and every other ten year old wanted, and never the trainers or tees with logos and flashy bands imprinted across their chests.

She bought him a book on wolves and packed it in his school trunk and waited. She took him to Diagon Alley, and purchased his first true wand, his robes, school uniforms and the books she knew he would need. Still she waited for his letter.

She levitated his birthday cake to the table, the kitchen window left open for the crisp clean summer air. She cut the cake and saw him glance to the sill, awaiting the owl and his Hogwarts letter as they ate.

"I bet Dumbledore doesn't know where we are," she pushed his cake plate in front of him.

He looked up hopefully, tears pooling in the bottom of his eyes. "I bet Peter gets to go."

"Peter? I forgot all about him, but you may be right."

"The Headmaster knows." He leaned back and tilted his head, in that way that took her breath away, and made him look so much like Anthony. "Mum, if I don't get to go what then?"

"What do you think Dad would tell you? Do you think he would say to give up?"

"No, he would tell me …" Remus sniggered, "he would say _Go ask your Mum_. Then he would make you take him to go see the Headmaster."

Rhea looked at him and slowly nodded. "You're right. Go get dressed."

.


	10. The Decision

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 10**

**The Decision**

**

* * *

**

.

Rhea held Remus' hand as they walked from the main gate to the massive wooden doors. She felt him hold back and walk slower as they approached the castle, craning his neck to look at the towering stone edifice.

"It's just a school," she whispered. "Don't let it put you off."

"It's grand." He looked up at the top of the north turret and grinned. "Bigger than Parliament, but no clock in the tower."

"Don't tell the Headmaster that," she pulled the door open and pushed him inside. "Next thing you know he will charge tuition to get one himself."

She walked him to the staircase, surprised when the gargoyle turned its head and allowed her up without a password. She explained to Remus that this was a special trip, but once term started, he would need a password to visit the Headmaster.

Remus lifted his chin, put his hands in his pockets and lowered his eyes as the higher they rose the more excited he became. Rhea rested her hand on his shoulder for just a moment, letting him know to be brave.

"Mrs. Lupin and Remus, how good to see you. It has been a long time."

"Headmaster," Rhea nodded in greeting. "My son requests a meeting. If this is not a good time we will be glad to return at a later time."

"Not at all, please, let me order tea. It is that time I do believe."

"Thank you sir," Remus pulled a chair back from the Headmaster's desk, and waited until his mother was comfortably seated before sitting down in the chair next to her. "We want to talk about… ummm…"

"His letter," Rhea finished for him, patting his hand.

"Ye… Yes, it hasn't come." Remus looked up at the Headmaster and saw his frown. "I deserve one too."

"Mrs. Lupin, I am…"

"It is my son that you need to address." Rhea said calmly. "It is he that needs to understand this."

"Mr. Lupin," Albus leaned back and studied the small boy with the serious expression. "We are limited here. We do not have the facilities that you require, nor do we have permission from the Ministry to take… students of special needs."

"I thought it was your school," Remus looked to his mother for help. "I thought you could do what you wanted and if you wanted you could let me come."

"To a great extent that is true. However, I have the safety of many students to consider. You will have to convince me and the regents that this can work."

"What are regents?"

Dumbledore chuckled and held out a bowl of lemon drops, seeing Remus shake his head he smiled. "A regent is a person, appointed by the Ministry, who helps in the running of the school."

"Do you have to tell them? I am really really good when I transform. I can be really really quiet, and never go outside the barn."

"Mr. Lupin, I am sure…"

"If I'm not dangerous to the other students they wouldn't need to know. I learned my Latin all the way up to second year, and I can do things if you need things done. My Dad taught me most of it, but Mum helped too, I have all my books and stuff already, and…."

"Remus," Rhea put her hand on his arm and shook her head. "Headmaster, you need to tell him, and tell him the truth."

Albus frowned, and peered at Remus over his glasses. "The truth of the matter is that we would need to be assured you would not be a danger to anyone else, and until that time I must say no."

"And if I can do it, change and be quiet, and show you I can do it, really do it good, then I can get my letter? Mum is teaching me to live like a Muggle, but I want to come here. I want to be like… Dad wasn't a wizard, and he didn't come here, but if he had he would have been good. Real good, because he was brave and…and …Mum said Marcus came here, before…well you know. I don't remember him, not really, but I want to go where he did."

Dumbledore opened his desk drawer and put a letter in the middle of his desk. His eyes smiled although Remus saw him trying to be stern. "I was expecting you Mr. Lupin. If you had not found the courage to come, I would know that you were unsure of your ability in this matter. I do believe you are capable of great things, however, Madam Pomfrey, our resident Mediwitch will have the final say. Do you have any objections to demonstrating your skills?"

"It's tonight," he swallowed hard and looked at his mother, then back at the Headmaster. "Mum, she lets me stay in the barn."

"Our Madam Pomfrey has already selected a site outside of the castle walls. It is protected from random entry, however not impossible to enter, or to leave. I am afraid that if you are unable to stay within its walls I will have to ask you to leave."

"Headmaster," Rhea leaned forward in her chair, "there are only a couple of things he requires. He needs to eat right before the change, and to have nothing, nothing, that he can get hurt on."

"And a blanket," Remus said as he started to blush. "I.. . umm… I take my clothes off.. and… umm"

"I am sure Madam Pomfrey will make arrangements and keep your modesty." Albus looked out the window and then walked to the floo. "It is time for something more substantial than tea, perhaps Mr. Lupin, I will join you in a bite to eat."

Remus watched the Headmaster kneel into the floo, waiting until he was engaged in conversation with the kitchen before hurrying to his mother and cupping his hand around her ear.

"What about Riddickululs?"

"You will have to just keep thinking it, keep it right here," she whispered back and tapped his forehead, then moved her hand down and tapped his chest. "Make Dad proud and remember he is right in here. You have worked hard for this, now show them you can do it."

"Well, so I finally meet you, Mr. Lupin." Remus turned to see who could only be Madam Pomfrey standing in the door watching him.

He nervously looked at the blanket she held in her hands and took a step closer to his mother. He had expected an old hag of a nurse, not this one. It was one thing striping down to the buff with his mother watching, but he had no intention of showing a nurse that looked like this his arse. He swallowed hard and stepped behind his mother's chair, putting it between himself and the nurse.

"Now, now, Mr. Lupin," Madam Pomfrey scowled. "I don't bite. Not yet anyway, but if you bite me I _will_ bite back."

Remus felt the edge of his lip twitch and fought the grin that was playing there. Her eyes couldn't hide the fact that she was joking although she held her face sternly.

"If you are going to be like me then you'll need two blankets because I don't wear anything."

"Remus!" Rhea was shocked at his crude humour, and equally surprised by Albus' chuckle and Poppy's smirk.

"His father's son I see." Albus rose from the floo, took Poppy's arm, leading her to her join them at the desk.

"Tonight we will use a house that has been built in anticipation of this moment. It is connected to Hogwarts by an underground tunnel. Although the house is in open view to Hogsmeade, it has no workable doors, and the windows will not open. I am quite sure Remus will be undisturbed," Madam Pomfrey explained.

Rhea turned and looked at Remus who stood kicking the floor with his toe. "Remus? If you have any doubts I will stay here with the Headmaster."

"No," he said, tying to sound brave, but knowing his voice had turned squeaky. "If you stay they won't know I can do it myself. Right, Headmaster?"

"No, she is welcomed to stay up with me this night and wait for morning. Neither of us will get much sleep anyway. It will give us time to get reacquainted." Albus smiled and walked over to Remus, putting his arm around his shoulder. "Remus, there is no shame in failing, if that should happen. The only shame would be in not trying."

Madam Pomfrey took the boy from Albus and escorted him from the room. He looked back over his shoulder and saw Albus place his hand on Rhea's shoulder to hold her in the chair.

"Well, my dear. It appears we will have a long night of it."

"That's it? A… a nurse? That's … he needs someone to …"

"No, he needs to do this as he said he can. Now, do you play chess?"

Rhea nodded and watched him set up the board, placing the pieces where they belonged. She sighed, and prepared herself for the longest night she'd had since his first transformation. She thought of Marcus, and how he had cried when he had been told he could not return to Hogwarts after his illness had started, and was determined not to interfere and lessen Remus' chances.

"Marcus did not have time to prepare, my dear." Albus peered at her over his glasses, as if reading her mind. "Remus is different, you have taught him well."

"We don't know that yet."

"If he does this he will pick up his letter, it not he is well prepared for Muggle schools. Either way you have done well." Albus moved his pawn forward two spaces. "I rather believe I will be planting in the morning."

Rhea looked up from the board. "Planting? It is too late in the year for planting."

"Do you remember your Herbology?"

"Ummm, yes?"

"I have a Whomping Willow waiting for a new home. I think there is a spot for it right over the tunnel that our young Mr. Lupin will be using. Professor Sprout is working on a way to momentarily squelch its movements, just long enough for a young boy to safely pass."

"You think he will do it then, that he is safe?"

"Yes, because he believes he can do it, and beliefs in small boys are their truths. However, know that in a few short years, when he approaches adulthood he will question himself on many things, and at that time will also question his ability to do this. At that time, if a solution is not found, he may well have to leave."

"We will work on it. If I can make him understand, if I can…"

"Mrs. Lupin, all children will question. All boys will doubt their mothers. We will see what happens. It is all I can promise."

Rhea stood and walked to the window, looking up at the moon. She laughed and told Albus of how as a student, she and her housemates would sneak down to the kitchen, fill their pockets, and make their way to the astronomy tower where they would hold a monthly picnic. She sighed and shook her head, considering that a moon once greeted with laughter could now only seem a thing of horror.

She paced in front of the fireplace, unable to concentrate on the game. By three in the morning, she could not stand the wait and grabbed her wrap, intent on seeing where they kept him. Albus held her arm and guided her across the grounds, pointing out where the tunnel started, and keeping above ground, walked her towards Hogsmeade to see the house that stood over the room that held Remus.

"Old man I told you to stay away," Madam Pomfrey stepped out of the shadows.

"Now, now Poppy, cannot a wizard go on a moonlight stroll with a beautiful witch?" he chuckled.

"Yes, as long as it is on the other side of the castle."

"How is he doing?" Rhea asked.

"Do you hear him? No? Then I suspect he is doing fine, scared out of his wits and too stupid or too brave to give in."

"My son is not…"

"Now, now," Albus frowned at Poppy. "I am sure our mediwitch meant that only in the most complimentary way."

"Mrs. Lupin, I told him Remus should have been here last week to see the place and get used to it. It's not the change that he was scared of, but just getting into the tunnel and … he is scared of closed in places. He needs to get over that. Furthermore, he detests being dirty. Now, normally I would find this delightful in a boy, encourage it, bloody hell, I would want to bottle it, however if he wakes and loathes his very smell how do you expect him to react? If this place is found out and we have to change quickly, or… well, he needs to get over it."

"Because the wolf wants to run free and you want him to not be scared. Madam Pomfrey, please, if you need to say something say it. Don't try to be polite and talk around it. It there is something I need to teach him, tell me."

"We will talk when he is out, until then you must leave. Mrs. Lupin, I do not know how his senses alter, but I do know that if a real wolf was in that tunnel he could not only smell you, he could hear you. If Remus can, your very presence will be upsetting to him. Now please, either give him over to me completely, or plan to take him home for good."

Rhea returned to the castle with Albus and continued pacing, watching the window for the first hint of light. As the sky began to lose its stars, she stood by the window watching for his return. Albus had informed her that once he emerged from the cave and dressed in the clothes Poppy would set out for him, he would have to find his own way to the infirmary. He had assured her that prior to his sequestering he had been shown the way and told what was expected of him. After Poppy had examined him for injury, and assured herself that he was fit, he would be sent to the Headmaster's office.

Rhea heard his footfalls running up the stairs and turned toward the door in time to see him enter the room. He was dressed in a school uniform, a smile covering his face from ear to ear, the only discernable injury a small scratch on his chin.

"Mr. Lupin," Albus frowned. "My students do not run in the halls. It will serve you well to remember that and set a good example for the rest of the first years."

"Yes, Headmaster." The tow headed boy nodded, his smile only getting bigger.

"I will not be easy on you. I will not allow self-pity in these halls, nor will I allow you to become lazy in the lessons your mother has taught you." He then smiled widely, his eyes sparkling as he saw the pure joy on Remus' face. "Welcome to Hogwarts, may your father be proud."


	11. In His Brother’s Footsteps

****

Disclaimer: Not mine.

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 11**

**In His Brother's Footsteps**

* * *

Rhea took Remus camping. She taught him how to build a fire outside, and to fish in the streams. She taught him how to pitch a Muggle pup tent, and to use a wand to enlarge it, add rooms and make it comfortable. At night, she would make him shrink it back down and sleep in the small cramped space, or under the stars wrapped only in his jumper.

She taught him how to replace buttons that he would lose from his shirts, and how to use her wand to make simple repairs. Every night at dinner, she made him repeat the rules he would live by. How to avert his eyes, unclench his fists and hide his hands in his pockets, turn away from confrontation and avoid fights. He must be careful, she told him at every turn. She would tap his chest and tell him to remember his father_. He died for us_, she'd said every day_, make him proud_.

Remus was excited, that last morning as he ran down stairs and stood in front of the calendar, reached up and marked off the date. Today. He wanted to shout. I go today. His trunk sat by the front door, his barn owl taking its last fight, before its confinement in the travelling cage.

He ran back upstairs and into his mother's room, not understanding how she could sleep late on this of all days. Jumping on the bed, he crawled up and sat next to her, waiting until he saw one eye slowly open.

"Don't tease," he smiled, knowing by looking at her that she too had trouble sleeping.

"I want my hug," she grinned.

"Mum, come on. I'm not a baby you know."

"You are until you get on that train," she sighed. "If you don't want me crying and acting the fool at the station you best hug me here."

He leaned forward and kissed her cheek, laying his head on her shoulder and putting his arms around her the best he could. "I love you, Mum."

"I love you too," she sighed. "Whatever will I do without you?"

"Mum?" He sat up suddenly worried for her.

"Let me see … I can sleep in, and read that book that's been sitting there calling me for the past month." She looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Or, I could give in and say yes to that nice Auror that keeps asking me to tea."

"Which one?" He scowled at her. "That one that had his face sewn on all wrong?"

"Remus Lupin!" She sat up and looked at him. "He has scars from fighting for the likes of you, don't you ever talk about him that way. And no, not him. The other one, that brings supplies sometimes."

"Ah, Mum, I tease him like that. He calls me…Umm, never mind." He slid to the floor and looked at her sheepishly.

"Spit," she demanded.

"He calls me his furry problem and I call him … we need to go Mum, don't want to be late."

"Remus?"

"Gramms."

"What?"

"Well, he walks like her, and even sits on a pillow."

Rhea sucked her bottom lip in and tried to frown.

"I'll go start the water. Okay?"

She nodded furiously wanting him out of the room before she laughed aloud. Grabbing the pillow, she shoved it over her face and shook with laugher. My gods, she thought. Moody would kill anyone else that would dare to call him Gramms. She would have to tell the boy to keep this to himself.

She swung her legs out of bed to finish breakfast and start on Remus' first day. Part of her wanted to hold him tight and hide him away, and part wanted to see him step on that train and go to Hogwarts with the other boys. They had worked so hard for this, and now that it was here, it was ripping her apart.

Gramms, Rhea thought again, and wished he had a grandmother that had been able to think of him as hers. Not a monster, not like the one that had taken her own son's life. Rhea sighed and got dressed wondering if the memory spell would ever slip, or if Remus was at least safe from her rants.

Downstairs Remus poured the heated water into the pot, measured out the tea, and put it and two cups on the table. He looked at the clock anxiously.

"That best be mostly milk in your cup young man." Rhea scolded. "I won't have you going off without breakfast, at least put some toast in."

"I don't think I should, Mum." He looked at the clock again. "I don't want to be late."

"Remus," she sat down and leaned forward. "If you insist on taking the train it's going to be a long day. I don't know why you have to do this, we live closer to Hogsmeade than London."

"You promised, Mum," he said calmly, then stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm packed, except for my robes that I will put on in the train."

"You remember what I told you about the sorting?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"That it doesn't matter what house I get into, and that just because Marcus got to be in Ravenclaw doesn't mean I will."

"Okay kiddo," she said as she ruffled his hair. "Come on, it's time to see your Mum cry."

Remus got on the train early, far before the rest of the first years. Hurrying to one of the empty compartments, he pressed his face to the window and waved to his mother who stood tearfully looking after him. He tried to look sad and to let her know he would miss her, but it was hard to do with the smile that covered his face.

He pushed his backpack onto the overhead and took the seat closest to the window where he could later sit sideways, putting his back to the darkening sky and face the light, keeping his eyes from changing and alerting others. The door to the aisle opened. An older student looked in, and with a sneer at Remus left to find an empty compartment.

Remus felt his smile slip, and fade again as twice more the door opened, only to slide shut again, leaving him alone. Feeling suddenly unsure, he stood and searched the platform, looking for Rhea, needing her reassurance that he would be okay.

"Remus? Cor, I thought I would see you here."

He spun around and saw an older Peter Pettigrew than he remembered. "Peter?"

"Yeah squirt, who'd you expect?" he grinned.

"You going to sit in here?"

Peter threw his backpack down, and kicked it to the side. "Yeah, most of the uppers have the other seats saved already. You mind?"

"No," Remus grinned back, sitting down in his window seat.

"Where'd you take off to?" Peter flopped down across from him. "Heard your Dad fell off the loft, sorry about that."

"Yeah," Remus shuffled his feet, and tried to scoot back on the bench. "Mum, couldn't keep up the farm so… we…umm, got a smaller place."

"Gramms said we could go to the funeral but there wasn't one."

"He…" Remus stammered, wishing Mum were here to fill in the story, one she had never told him. "He was buried at his Mum's. Muggle you know."

"Yeah, that's what Gramms thought. What house do you think you will be in?"

"Ravenclaw, they're the best."

"No," Peter smirked. "Gryffindor, my family goes way back in Gryffindor."

"Hey," another voice came from the door. "Slytherin, that's where we all go."

Peter and Remus watched the third occupant cram his over packed bag onto the overhead and slouch into the seat closest the door.

"Black?" Peter frowned at him.

"Yeah?"

"I'm Peter, remember?"

"Old Lady Pettigrew's Peter?" he smiled and nodded. "You must be brave to live with that old lady. Everyone says she's a mean one."

"Not so mean," Remus felt he had to save Peter. The look on Pettigrew's face had taken on a sadness Remus could identify with. "Mum said she was more bark than bite."

"Yeah, well… Black's are more bite then bark," the new boy muttered. "My name's Sirius. So who are you."

"Remus Lupin."

"Lupin? Don't think I've heard that one."

"He's a Mudblood," Peter said helpfully. "Well, mixed."

Remus scowled at him, lowered his eyes, then turned to look out of the window. "Looks like they are getting ready to leave."

"Shite," Sirius jumped up and ran out of the compartment leaving Peter and Remus to look after him.

"Where you think he went?" Peter asked.

Remus could only shake his head and swallow, knowing that if he ever dared to swear Mum would have his hide. Didn't matter if she wasn't here, he knew she would know. He swallowed again and looked at the door as the train lurched in its slow start up the track.

Sirius came back with a friend in tow, helped him lift his overstuffed backpack and laughed with him as they fell into the seats when the train lurched again.

"This is Peter Pettigrew, you know the old Pettigrew family, and the squirt is Remus." Sirius nodded to each in turn. "What was it again? Lukin?"

"Lupin," Remus muttered.

"Yeah, whatever," Sirius sniggered.

"James Potter," the fourth offered his name.

Once again the door slid open, and let in a thin dark haired boy and a red headed girl, the others moved down, giving them the seats nearest the door. They looked around uncomfortably and kept their backpacks on the floor between their feet.

"You two new here?" James' eyes travelled down their Muggle clothes resting on the girl's trainers.

The boy shrugged and shifted in his seat. "My Mum went to Hogwarts."

"Just your Mum?" Sirius looked at him closely.

"Yeah, what of it?"

"Nothing, so who's your Mum?"

"If you want my name it is Severus, Severus Snape, she was a Prince."

Peter looked at Remus and shrugged before asking the newcomer, "So, you a Mudblood too?"

"My mother is a pure-blood," he looked up to the girl and smirked. "I'll be in Slytherin."

"I don't understand why it matters. I mean, if I am in Hufflepuff or Slytherin why should it matter?" the new girl flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"Lily Evans," Severus smirked. "She plans on changing the way things are done here."

"I'll be in Slytherin too," Sirius looked at Severus and grinned. "I heard the rooms are wicked, down in the dungeons and all."

"Where are the Ravenclaw rooms?" Remus asked looking at Lily.

"I'm not sure. Severus?"

"In one of the towers I guess. Why? Do you plan on being sorted with the girls?" he sniggered.

"Umm, no, but my Mum says she and my bro … she was in Ravenclaw and that some of the smartest wizards get to belong."

"Not me, I don't want to be in my mother's old house." Peter added, "Gramms said she was in Hufflepuff."

Sirius sniggered, "Yeah right. I don't think you have much of a choice really. All the Blacks seem to go the same way."

"Don't you want to be in the same house your Dad and Mum were in?" Remus frowned at him.

Sirius hesitated, as a shadow seemed to pass in front of his face. "Nah, don't matter. Does anyone know when the cart comes around?"

"Hungry all ready?" James said in a bored voice. "Gee, and I happen to have a bag from Honeydukes right here in my bag."

"What's that?" Lily asked.

James laughed and opened his backpack, pulling out the sack. Soon all six first-years had fists full of sweets and spent the remainder of the trip talking excitably about Hogwarts. All too soon, Remus noticed the compartment dimming. He lowered his eyes to the floor and feigned to be tired. Putting his back to the window, he laid his head back against the glass and closed his eyes. He kept them closed, pretending to sleep until he felt Lily's hand.

"Remus? We have to put our robes on now. You can see the station coming up."

He rubbed his eyes to cover them until he sat forward and lowered his head, nodding and still pretending to be tired. He knew on the platform, where the lights would be softer, and the contrast not so great, he would be safe, but here he needed to be careful.

"Come on," Peter called back to him. "We'll meet you outside."

"We should wait for him." Lily looked up at Severus.

"Yeah, just move." Severus reached up to the overhead and pulled down Remus' backpack. "I don't want to miss the boats. That's supposed to be the best part."

Remus opened his backpack and glanced up at Lily sheepishly. "I umm, …"

"Lily, go outside so he can get dressed will you?" Severus sniggered, and flopped down on the bench to wait. "Where'd you get that?"

Remus put his hand up to his neck, quickly pulling on the robes to cover the scar. "Loft had a cracked beam. Me and Dad fell."

"That kid Peter, he said your Dad died. Is that how?"

Remus nodded and swallowed, remembering not to talk too much, to tell too many lies, lies that could trip him up later. He needed to stick to the story they had practiced.

"Yeah, don't remember it. I was a little kid."

Severus stood and turned to the door to slide it open, he paused for just a moment, wanting to call the kid a liar. He knew the scar was too new, still an angry purple welt, not the white roping of an old scar. He slid the door open and stepped out. _Dumb kid_, he thought, _dumb liar_.

Remus let his eyes look up after he was safely in the boat that carried all the first years across the lake. He sat in the bow, knowing no one could see his face and lifted his chin smiling widely. He had seen the castle before, but not like this. Not against the star filled sky with a thousand candles setting it ablaze, not knowing that he belonged, and not with others his own age. He gripped the bulwark and strained to see the grounds, finding comfort when he sighted the willow tree his Mum had told him about.

He knew then that he would make it, that he was going to be able to stay, that the Headmaster had indeed kept his word. He could finally let out the breath he had been holding since 9 ¾'s.

"Hey, Remus," Peter said nervously, his voice taking on a higher pitch. "It would be neat if we're in the same house."

Remus nodded, not taking his eyes off the castle. He swallowed hard and suddenly felt as small as Peter. "You think we'll be sorted right off?

"We go straight to the sorting, then we have to sit at our tables for dinner," Sirius chimed in. "Me and that Severus, we'll go to Slytherin."

"Why him?"

"I dunno, he said he knows plenty of spells all ready and that Slytherin is the best for hexes."

"You think?" Peter looked at him quizzically.

"Yeah, my dad said the best go there."

"There's the dock," Remus pointed at the edge of the lake. "We finally made it."


	12. Secrets to Keep

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 12**

**Secrets to Keep**

* * *

Remus crowded into a small room off the Main Hall with the rest of the first years. He stood near the wall, and was joined by Lily and Severus. Looking shyly at the small groups of students that had taken refuge on the perimeter, Remus knew that they were like him, either from mixed families or from the Muggle world. Students like James, Peter and Sirius pushed toward the front of the first-years greeting friends and confidently approached the door where Minerva stood.

"Did you grow up here?" Lily asked, with her eyes as large as saucers as she craned her neck up at the high ceiling. "Do you have a house like this?"

Severus snorted, and leaned back against the wall. "Yeah, like he looks like a rich kid."

"He could be." She flipped her hair back and pouted at Severus. "You don't know everything."

"Mum and me have a farm," Remus supplied, nervously kicking the ground. "Peter's Grandmother, has a really big house. Not old like this one, but really big."

"Students, may I have your attention please?" Minerva clapped her hands and waited until she heard only silence. "In a moment the sorting will begin. Once you are sorted go at once to your tables and await further instructions."

She opened the door and flicked her wand, magically making the student list appear in front of her to the _oohs_ and _ahs_ of the children standing round the perimeter. Calling out the names, one at a time she pushed them through the door, waited until that one was sorted, and then pushed in the next.

Remus and those standing next to him inched up to the door, waiting their turn, Lily looking at Severus nervously, trying to smile.

"Severus," she whispered, "If we get into different houses will I still get to see you?"

"Yeah," he said, trying to see over her head and get his first look at the Great Hall. "We will have lessons together and all. Why? You scared?"

"A little," she admitted.

Remus turned and nodded at her when Minerva called Lily Evans to be sorted. Severus and he, stood at the doorway, held back by Minerva's hand, until they heard the cheering, signalling Lily was done.

"Mr Lupin, when you are sorted you are to report to the infirmary, and you Mr. Snape are to go as well. Once sorted go to the back of the Hall and wait for a prefect who will be waiting." She put her hand on Remus' shoulder, and none too gently propelled him through the door.

The Headmaster smiled when he saw Remus stumble in. Holding out his hand in encouragement, he indicated the stool that sat in front of the entire student body. Remus swallowed hard and walked to stool, climbed up on it and lowered his eyes.

Standing in front of him, the Headmaster lowered the hat on his head, but before removing his hand, leaned in to whisper to him.

"You may raise your eyes lad, the lights are set to not effect you. This is one room you are safe in."

Remus brought his head up showing a wide smile as the hat fell down covering his head, slipping over his ears and nearly touching one shoulder. He pushed up the rim and twisted his head to look up and try to see where the voice came from.

"My, My," the hat chuckled. "I see you have much to learn and would be served in Ravenclaw. Pulling a fast one on the others I see as well, quite Slytherin in that. However, I see that bravery is what you will _teach_… Gryffindor!"

Remus felt the Headmaster lift the hat up, and heard the applause from his new house. Looking at the table that was standing and clapping, he smiled as Peter madly waved at him. He started to run to the table, then remembered what he had been told and dashed to the back of the hall to wait for Severus.

"Ah," said the hat. "A difficult one. Smart as any Ravenclaw, but knowledge needs to be used well. You would do well in Gryffindor, and as loyal as any I have seen … but you will be …. Slytherin!"

Severus proudly slid down from the bench, and removing the hat himself, nodded to the Slytherin table and began to walk slowly to the back. As he passed Lily, she grabbed his arm.

"I want to be in Slytherin too," she said tearfully.

"Not now," Severus leaned down to her at the table where she sat, "Don't let 'em see you cry."

She nodded and swiped at her face with her sleeve. She smiled at him weakly and let him go, watching as he walked to the back to join Remus.

"Later," he mouthed to her and hurried away.

Madam Pomfrey put the boys in curtained off areas, separated from each other, and cast silencing spells. She had insisted that Remus have his weight and height recorded, and simple diagnostic tests on bone growth, and notes made of his general health. Hogwarts, or even St. Mungo's, had never cared for a werewolf. She was determined that he would not fall ill under her watch.

Assuring him, that young Mr. Snape had no idea why she was examining him, she told him to say his records had been lost and she was replacing them.

She then went to see Severus. The Headmaster had concerns about the young child's home life, and had insisted that she examine him for recent injuries. Giving him the same story she had given Remus, she flicked her wand and removed his shirt and trousers.

She bit the inside of her cheek to stop what she wanted to say; to appear calm and not let on that what she saw sickened her. Healing the angry red welts that ran down his back and legs, she made notes on his file and redressed him with another flick.

"There," she smiled. "All set. The prefect will be here shortly to return you to dinner."

"It's my business," Severus said, running his sleeve over his wet eyes. "He doesn't hurt me anyway you know."

"Mr. Snape." She lifted his chin with two fingers and scowled at him. "I want you in here after the hols, and after every trip you take home. And you tell your father I said that. You tell him I'm watching."

"Yes, Madam," he grinned, and got down from the examining table. "You won't say anything? I mean, this is like a real hospital, right?"

"No, but there's no shame in it for you." She ruffled his hair. "Now you two go eat. You both need to put some meat on those bones. Now go, and Severus, if you need anything, you come here, do you understand?"

Later that night, Remus unpacked his trunk in the room he would share with the others for the next seven years. He was glad he had the bed furthest from the window and glad to see curtains around each bed. He took in the smell of new clothes as he opened his truck, and stacked his books neatly on his desk, leaving one in the trunk, unsure if it should leave it out in sight of the other boys.

His mother had packed surprises, other than the Muggle book about wolves. He found a sack full of biscuits and one with chocolate squares.

"Peter," he grinned, stood up, dumped the candy on his bed and climbed up to sit cross-legged against the headboard. "Come on. I got plenty."

"I only got apples." James joined them, reaching out and grabbing a handful of sweets.

Remus noticed Sirius sitting on the windowsill, his forehead against the glass, his back to the rest of the room. He nudged Peter as he put another chocolate in his mouth.

"His Dad's going to be pissed," James whispered.

"Cause of him being in Gryffindor?" Peter asked.

"Yeah." James nodded.

Remus took a couple of the chocolate squares and got off the bed, walked to the window and put them down next to Sirius.

"My Mum wanted me to be in Ravenclaw."

"It ain't the same," Sirius sniffed. "Blacks always get in Slytherin."

"Maybe you can make the Headmaster ask the hat again."

"They never do that. Don't you know anything? You stupid or something?"

"Sorry," Remus lowered his eye to the floor and kicked at the rug.

Sirius sighed and turned away from the window. "I didn't mean that."

"I know," Remus muttered.

"It's just … that prat Snape got in. He's not even pure-blood and he got in."

"Lights out firsties!" The prefect stood at the door laughing as they scurried to their beds. "I'll be waking you up the first couple of days and taking you to your classes. After that, you are on your own, and if you know what's good for you, stay put until McGonagall does the bed check."

"Bed check?" Peter groaned. "Sounds like home."

"For the first week she comes up every night, so just wait until she backs off. We don't want her up here every night of the term."

As the prefect headed back to the common room the four new friends groaned and rolled over to try to sleep. Remus laid awake long after he could hear the other boy's even breathing and small snores. Throwing back the covers, he slipped from bed and took up the place where Black had been in at the window, pressing against the glass and trying to see across the grounds.

"You cannot see it from here, Mr. Lupin." Minerva stood in the doorway, a small light emitting from the tip of her wand.

"I thought it would be right here." He pointed from the window and looked up at her tearfully. "I got scared."

"Come," she turned and left abruptly, leaving him to scramble after her.

She stood on the landing between the girl's and the boy's bed chambers and pointed out the window to the willow that could be seen in the distance. "Remember that you can see it from here, however also know that when you do not, it is because the Headmaster has spelled it to be hidden from prying eyes so they do not see it, or who runs to it."

"It's not so bad you know. I can almost make it stop."

"Indeed?" She looked down at the too short first-year.

"Yeah, and Mum said she thinks I am better at it than Marcus."

"Mr. Lupin, you must learn not to speak of him. Not that anyone here would know of him, but by talking about what you must hide, you run the risk of being found out. The Headmaster, and I agree, that some day all this will be moot, that your success will pave the way for others. You have a great deal resting on your shoulders young man. Do you understand?"

Remus just looked up at her and shook his head.

"Why are you here, Mr Lupin?" she sighed.

"Mum says because my Dad wouldn't want less, but that she wouldn't take less and she will hex the Headmaster's nads if he sends me away."

"I see," she felt her lip tug upwards. "You are here Mr. Lupin, because it is your right to do so. However, others in your position have had that right taken away. If you can prove that students such as yourself pose no risk, others will be able to come."

"Is Severus Snape like me?"

"What ever gave you that idea?"

"He had to see the nurse too."

"Many students here have … other … illnesses and conditions that must be monitored. He, as do you, wishes to keep those secrets and it would be wrong of you to delve into them."

"Do you think…"

"Mr Remus, it is well past time you were sleeping. I suggest that you do so at this time."

Running up the stairs he suddenly stopped and ran back down to her. Minerva scowled and lifted her finger to shake in his face when he threw his around her waist, resting his head on her stomach and hugged her.

"You're not nearly as mean as they say," he said empathically, then turned and ran back up the stairs.

"My word," Minerva smoothed her robes and left for her own bedchambers.

The first week went quickly. Remus tried to pay attention to the Prefect and to remember how to count the turns and platforms he needed to use to find his classes. All too often he would stop and stare at the pictures hanging along the walls, politely inquiring the meaning of the things portrayed. Lost in the history of the painting he would startle when he found himself once again lost and unable to find his way.

On Friday, he was once again talking to a Fairy about the tree dwelling she had pointed out to him when he heard footfalls coming toward him.

"Lupin," Severus called him breathless from running. "Which way is the stairs to the dungeon? I thought it was near here."

"I don't know," Remus looked around confused. "I'm supposed to be in history."

"Bloody hell," Severus muttered to Remus' shock. "At least they could hand out maps."

"Gentlemen? I trust you two have a good explanation for being in the hallways during lessons."

"We're lost, Headmaster."

"Mr. Lupin, since you are intent on conversing with the portraits I am surprised you have not asked them to provide you with directions."

"Oh," Remus turned back to the Fairy who giggled and flittered to the next picture, crooking her finger for him to follow.

"Mr. Snape," Dumbledore reached in his pocket and produced a whistle and handed it to the boy. "Professor Slughorn has an agreement with Peeves for our Slytherin students. He allows him to frequent the hallways, and he makes sure they do not blow them up."

"Sir?"

"A lost Slytherin in the hallways will be suspect. If you find yourself lost just one blow will bring Peeves, no one else will hear it."

Severus grinned and blew on the toy. He saw the spirit at the end of the hallway and ran to it, glad to see he had headed in the right direction.

Dumbledore looked after Remus. He needed to talk to the boy without another student close enough to overhear or to be suspicious of a silencing spell. Minerva would give him a detention as a ruse to get him to the Headmaster's office, where he would be sent by floo to the Three Broomsticks to see his mother.

Dumbledore sighed and started back down the stairs. He did not like first-years leaving campus so early in the term. It led to homesickness and long nights for his staff, but with Remus, he worried that it could weaken his resolve. He hoped he was wrong.


	13. Breakfast at the Three Broomsticks

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 13**

**Breakfast at the Three Broomsticks**

* * *

Rhea got to the Three Broomsticks after the morning regulars were already at their tables. She put her robes over the back of a chair at one of the empty tables and walked to the fireplace to wait for Remus. Seeing Rosmerta coming from the kitchen with her arms full of food she put her finger to her lips and nodded to the others. She should have come earlier, she thought, to have to time talk before the other patrons had arrived.

"Coffee if I remember right." Rosmerta delivered the plates to the table then levitated a pot and cup to the table Rhea had taken.

"And a hot chocolate," Rhea smiled. "I have a date with my boy, he's joining me."

Just then, the floo activated and Remus came through. Rhea pulled him from the fireplace and hugged him until he struggled away spluttering and complaining about being treated like a baby.

"Mum, knock it off. You want everyone to see?" he whispered loudly, looking at the smiles from the people in the Inn.

"Knock it off?" she said in mock surprise. "Been gone a week and you think you are too big for a hug?"

"So, this is your guest?" Rosmerta tried to steady her voice. "What you want to eat young man?"

Remus looked up at his Mum and saw her nod before ordering eggs with sausage, sliced tomatoes, and extra jam for his toast, then after a pause asked for a sweet roll as well. Rosmerta raised her eyebrow, wondering where he was going to put it and ruffled his hair.

"If I cook it, you eat it," she smiled, remembering Romulus seldom had eaten more for breakfast than the splash of milk he poured into his tea.

She watched as they walked to the table by the window, and saw Remus lower his eyes before taking the seat that would put his back to the glass. Odd, she thought, most first years would want to see the pavement. She saw how Rhea reached out her hand and cast a silencing spell with the other, and then pick up his hand, examined his palms, turned them over and did the same to his nails.

Her stomach clenched. She knew. _My god_, she thought, quickly walking back into the kitchen and holding onto her cutting block until her legs steadied. Romulus' picture was still on the wall where she had hung it to see him every day. Looking at it now, she saw the boy that sat in the outer room with his mother, the same eyes, the same shape of the face, the same haunted look as they decided where to sit.

"Oh, Romulus," she sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to cry. "Fuck."

She slammed her fist against the wooden chopping block and fought back a scream, then gathered up the eggs and sausage and took them to the stove to cook his breakfast. She needed to separate it in her mind again. To keep the knowledge of the wolf separate from Remus.

Once the tray was prepared she picked it up and sauntered out, levitating the teapot behind her, and setting it to refill the cups at the other tables, she took Remus his meal.

"New Hogwarts' boy I see," she nodded to the insignia on his robes.

"Yup, I …" he stopped and looked at his mother, wide eyed and frightened. "Yes, Madam, I was sorted into Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor is it? In my day it was the smallest house, but from what I see coming in here it's growing."

"Yes, Headmaster said if this keeps up he will have to put six to each room instead of just the four."

"Remus," his mother covered his hand with hers, "let Madam … Madam Rosmerta get back to her work. There are others waiting."

"Mum's right," she jerked her head back to the kitchen. "If you still want that sweet roll best get it out before it burns."

"Black, he's one of my roomies, he says when we get older we get to come here all day by ourselves, and that…"

"Not for a few years yet, so you just stop hoping for what you may not get," Rhea chided him sternly.

Rosmerta kept her back to the Lupins as she cleaned off the neighbouring tables. Black, she heard. A Black in Gryffindor. She finished clearing the rest of the tables, hoping she would have time to catch Rhea before the early lunch crowd came in. Watching the clock, she knew she could not wait and grabbed an extra cup of hot cocoa.

"Here ya go boyo," she quirked her eyebrow at him. "How about you finish that while I show your Mum where to freshen up?"

He nodded and pulled the cup closer, smiling at getting a second cup at a restaurant where it had to be paid for. Rhea rolled her eyes and stood up, following Rosmerta to the kitchen.

"Rhea, I hope I am out of line, and I hope you tell me it's only my imagination, but…"

"Shh," Rhea peeked out of the diamond shaped window in the door, making sure it was still only Remus out front. "How did you know?"

"Just, things I don't think others saw, but Rhea, you have to be more careful," Rosmerta was surprised at the witch's snort of laughter.

"I think if I were more careful I would lock him up in the hen house."

Rosmerta smirked, and waved to the table and chairs, "Sit, he'll be fine. The bell will sound if someone comes in."

"Okay, so what did I do?" Rhea sighed.

"I used to do that, examine Romulus' nails close to the moon. I think it was seeing him sit near the window, and not look out. Oh Rhea, he's so little. Can he do it?"

"Help me," Rhea leaned closer to the witch. "I don't want him knowing about Marcus … your Romulus …, not until he can understand … but you need to tell me if you see anything that could give him away."

"Then tell him to sit further back, it won't be so important then, and warn him about Black. I heard him say one of the Blacks is in Gryffindor. "

"Sirius Black, and the Potter kid, from up at Godric. I was worried at first, that he may know the Lupin name and say something, but it seems he didn't know Anthony's family."

"Who else?"

"Peter Pettigrew, Remus knew him from before."

"Short, sandy haired kid, with a big mouth and bigger grin? Yeah, I know him, or of him, his family that is. Never liked his mother, greedy she was. His dad …" She shrugged. "Busy hands if you catch my meaning, and didn't much like the crowd he ran with."

"Potter?"

"Only that his is an old family. Don't surprise me he runs with Black. He's been in with his parents. Cocky if you ask me, you tell Remus to watch him."

"You're concerned about Black?"

"Listen Rhea, a couple of years ago the laws of heritage were changed. Not that it mattered at the time, and no one paid much attention, but it did change who could call themselves pure. I don't even know why it mattered. Why did they want it changed? Why would moving ten generations to be pure back to fifteen matter? The only thing I can figure out is it took some families off the list, but the strange part is that even some of the Muggle born wanted it. Of course they were the Muggle born and Half-bloods in that political league."

"Rosmerta, you lost me back at hello."

"It doesn't matter," she grinned. "What matters is that the Black family was one of the biggest supporters. Remus is living with a Black, one of the most bigoted families I know. Tell him be careful."

"Great, so Potter is a bully, Peter's father is a letch, but it is the Blacks that are bigoted. Do I have it right?" Rhea said flatly.

"Did it sound that bad?" Rosmerta reddened, then started to giggle. "Oh my gods, we sit here discussing a werewolf hiding in Hogwarts and I'm telling you that Peter's dad grabbed my arse in sixth year."

"They are little boys, Rosmerta," Rhea sighed. "I guess I can only hope for the best from them."

The bell signalled the end of their time together as Rhea rushed out to be with Remus, and Rosmerta rose to take Aberforth his tea. He was right on time, she sighed, wishing that just this once he could have been late.

.

.

Remus did well in charms, and was quick to use his own wand on the spells he already knew. It was different using his own wand, feeling the magic ebb and flow in his arm, instead of feeling the quickening of his mother's. He eyed Peter and saw he was having trouble with some of the basic spells, and peeking at Sirius and James saw them joking and laughing.

At first, he had tried to sit next to Potter and Black, but soon found they drew attention and giggles from the rest of the class. Feeling too many eyes turn to them, he said he had to sit closer to the front to see better, surprised when Peter followed his lead and joined him.

He found Peter sitting on the windowsill one night, quietly sobbing and wiping his nose on his sleeve. His first instinct was to back out of the room and pretend he hadn't seen, instead he found himself climbing up on the opposite side of the sill and just sitting with him, keeping him company.

"You won't tell them, will you?" Peter sniffed and wiped his nose again.

"Not if you don't want me too." Remus assured him. "Is it your Grandmother? Is she sick?"

"You don't know nothing, Lupin," Peter spat. "She don't mean nothing to me."

"What did she do?"

"She hates my Mum, you know? She says it's Mum's fault Dad don't want us no more."

Remus frowned. He didn't understand Peter. His own Grandmother didn't like his Mum, but his Dad had always wanted them. How could he not? He was the Dad. He just sat and nodded as if he knew what Peter was saying.

"She said they are getting divorced, that I have to live with Mum and won't see my Dad no more. She said…" he sniffed, and wiped his nose on his sleeve again. "She said if Mum hadn't gone and had a kid he could'a left a long time ago."

"Maybe she was kidding." Remus squirmed on the sill, feeling uncomfortable and wanting to leave, but at the same time wanted to make Peter stop crying.

"You're stupid, Lupin."

"Look at the cry baby," Sirius jabbed James in the ribs as they came jostling into the room. "What's the matter? Sluggy didn't like your essay again?"

"Shut up, Black!" Peter jumped off the still and clenched his fists.

"His Mum and Dad are getting a divorce," Remus stood up and put himself between them, then shoved his hands in his pockets and turned away. "Lay off him."

"Really?" James asked losing his smirk. "Cor, too bloody bad Pettigrew."

"Yeah." Sirius looked at the floor and toed the carpet. "Do they fight? Mine do. All the time."

"No." Peter looked up at Sirius and sat back down on the sill, letting his feet swing over the edge. "Sometimes, maybe a little."

"Who you going to live with? Sometimes they let you pick, Henry over in Hufflepuff picked his Dad." James joined him on the windowsill.

"Don't listen to him." Sirius punched Peter in the arm. "They got to get solicitors, and then go to court and everything."

"Come on, roast beef for dinner," James jumped up and waited until Peter stood uncertainly, before heading out the door.

"You too squirt." Sirius laughed at Remus who stood off to the side.

"Nah, I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to run down to the infirmary and see if Madam Pomfrey's got something."

"You get sick a lot," Peter muttered on his way out. "Even missed Halloween last month."

"It was my Mum, she was sick. Maybe I caught it." Remus kept his eyes on the floor, feeling his stomach clench, wanting to yell at him to leave, wanting to lash out at him for asking too many questions.

He peeked up from under his brow to make sure they had left the room before looking out the window and seeing the sun low on the horizon. Dark came early this time of year. The nights were longer and colder than the barn had been.

Remus grabbed his blanket from the trunk and ran down the stairs, onto the grounds and sprinted to the willow.

"You are late," Madam Pomfrey greeted him, as she pointed her wand at the borehole, and stopped the willow from moving.

"Peter says his parents are getting a divorce." He talked fast as he pulled off his robes and fell to the ground to yank off his shoes and socks. "He seems really upset about it. What is it?"

"A divorce?" She took his shoes and socks and turned her back until he had stripped down and wrapped the blanket around him. "It means they are still his Mum and Dad, but not a husband and wife. Do you understand?"

"Sort'a," he chewed the inside of his cheek and looked at her tearfully. "His Gramms said it was his fault 'cause if his Mum didn't have him, he …"

"You stop right there!" She pointed her finger in his face and started to scold him. "Old lady Pettigrew is a bitter old woman who says things that hurt people. Next thing you know she'll have that poor boy in tears and have you thinking your own Dad should be here if it… is that what you are on about?"

She saw him nod and pulled him to her for a quick hug. "Your Dad did what Dads should do. If more Dads were like that Muggle we would have a better place. Now you go before I have to bite you back."

Remus pulled away, and then put his arms around her neck, kissed her on cheek and ran to the willow, diving into the tunnel just as the tree came back to life.

He sat in the corner of the dark room, aware of the damp smell, a smell that had bothered him the first time he had changed here. Now he knew the smell was a good thing. It got stronger as the change came closer. It warned him.

He could watch his hands change now without crying in pain. He would take short quick breaths, panting as the pain grew, thinking of boggarts in his mother's kitchen and hearing the kitchen door slam shut with its sharp crack. His legs drew up under him, forcing him to fall forward on his newly formed front paws and hang his head as his spine shifted in the base of his skull, making it impossible to hold his head erect.

Suddenly his head fell further down and he felt his shoulders pull together, the bones move and refit in his joints. He had never gone this far before, had never felt the change so quickly or so horribly. The very act of breathing was more painful than it had ever been, he heard the sound of snapping and grinding bones and wanted his mother, tried to scream for her, but did not recognise the sounds that came out of the wolf.

He crawled, whimpering back into the corner, licking his hands as if the act would stop the pain that was still growing, turning his stomach, bringing bile to his throat. His mouth dripped with saliva, as the very inside of his mouth elongated and painfully readjusted to his wolf jaw.

Once the pain began to subside, he lay down and rubbed the blanket with his nose. He smelled the sun, and saw his mother in its glare. He whimpered and pushed again, wanting to feel her arms around him, wanting to be home in a barn with someone sitting near. He fought to stay awake, afraid that instead of falling into dreams he would fall into the wolf. Nuzzling his paw, he began to chew.

* * *

**Would like to know what you think of this so far.**


	14. A Circle of Friends

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 14**

**A Circle of Friends**

* * *

"I think he is sleeping," Madam Pomfrey told the Headmaster as she returned to the castle after taking Remus to the willow. "It was worse tonight. I heard him twice, then silence."

"He is growing older," the Headmaster said sadly. "Was the pain potion used?"

"No." Madam Pomfrey felt tears sting her eyes. "Until you can tell me the proper dosage for a wolf, I won't give it to him and if you want to, I swear to Merlin, I will bring the Ministry down on your head so fast you will think the dementors are after you."

"There, there, Poppy," he put his arm around her shoulder and let her cry. "Perhaps we can have Hagrid run some tests for us."

"That oaf will let it slip out, you know it as well as I. He means well but I would trust him with my life before I would trust him with a secret."

"Go get something to eat, it will be a long night and you missed dinner. I will keep watch until you return."

"I'll just grab a sandwich and an extra blanket. He expects me to wait outside for him."

"Are his faculties that far advanced?" Albus frowned.

"I don't know and I won't take the chance."

The Headmaster opened the door for her and let her enter before he turned to the path that took him across the grounds to the patch near the forest that held the Whomping Willow. He had not been here in many months, not since Mrs. Lupin had nervously awaited her son's emergence from a much kinder transformation. Before that, he could not remember the last time he had needed to walk down what he considered to be the back of the castle. He looked to the horizon on the far side of the lake, over the top of the sloping mountain and knew the moon would not set early tonight. It was late in the year for a Hunter's Moon, like the Harvest Moon, it rose while the sun still shone in the sky and stayed until the gold of the sun blocked out its face.

He clasped his hands behind his back and walked slowly back to the castle. He wondered if it were the Hunter's Moon that caused the further transformations rather than the age of the child, the length of time since infection, or any number of things Poppy kept on her list. He would tell Poppy to start charting the monthly changes with each moon. Perhaps they would be better prepared next year.

Remus still fought to stay awake. He had been worried when he had heard Madam Pomfrey walk away. He'd cocked his head to the side, sniffed the air and knew she had headed back to the castle. Standing on his new front wolf legs, he had paced the small room until a heavy footfall came. He lifted his nose and sniffed, smelling lemon drops and the same soap his mother used on her Sunday dress, he fell to his belly and rested his head on his paws. He was no longer alone.

He wasn't all wolf yet, his body still trapped between the two. His still little boy mind tried to concentrate on boggarts, wanting to will his away but no longer able to laugh to do it. A soft whine filled his mouth, wanting him to lift his head to the ceiling and let it out. He could still smell the Headmaster, and lowered his head to his paws. He could not be heard. Not now, not ever.

He felt his mother tap his chest, _he died for you, make him proud, _echoed in his mind_. _He heard her voice and whined again looking to the blanket that Poppy had brought. He knew he could make it to morning if he really, really tried. He bit his paw, unable to stop the pain in his chest where she had said to keep Dad. He needed to replace the pain and put it where he could focus on it. Seeing the pale greyish fur turn bloody, he whimpered and began to lick and bite his paw in turn.

.

.

Madam Pomfrey handed him the sketch of the man he used every time he emerged from the tunnel. It was a crude sketch of a naked man, arms outstretched, front and back. Remus picked up the quill and slashed at the areas that had changed, angrily sniffing, and glaring at Poppy. He didn't like this part. He didn't like to see what he had become and know that she would tell his mum. He wanted to take a shower. He wanted to eat. He wanted her to heal his hand and let him sleep. He felt his lip curl back and fought back a snarl as he lowered his head back to the parchment.

She stepped back from the bed, and looked over the boy's shoulder at the Headmaster. This was the first time she had seen the shadow of the wolf still on his face. She put out her hand, and although it still trembled in the first of her fears, she put it on his shoulder and leaned down to see the sketch.

"The Headmaster thinks it was to do with the Hunter's Moon." She said kindly. "Now that we know that, we can be better prepared next year."

He cocked his head and looked up at her from under his brows.

"Mr. Lupin," the Headmaster waved her away. "I am having your breakfast tray brought up here. You will be our guest for the next few hours."

"No," Remus spat. "I told _her_ I am …"

"Mr. Lupin!" The Headmaster raised his voice. "Need I remind you why you are here? The time has come to delay your return to your rooms. From this time on you will stay here half a day more. We must be sure you are ready."

"Cor, bloody hell, what happened to your hand?" Peter looked up from his bed where he lay on his stomach reading.

"Fell," Remus shrugged. "Kept me up in the infirmary, but didn't need to. Did you get my homework assignments?"

"Yeah, James is bringing them up. He had a detention with Sluggy."

"Sirius too?" Remus grinned as Peter nodded.

"You told McGonagall about … you know, my mum and dad."

Remus nodded and reddened.

"Its okay, she flooed my Mum and let me talk to her. Mum says Gramms is full of shite and that my Dad says I can spend the hols with him if I want."

"You doing it?"

"Dad's at Gramms house," Peter said quietly. "I'd rather go to Mum's, but she said he can come and visit if he wants, so … maybe it won't be so bad."

"I need to change. If they come back let me know, okay. If I get behind in my homework Mum'll kill me."

Remus grabbed some clean clothes and ran off to the shower. He quickly showered and dressed, keeping his eyes turned from the mirror, unable to look at the still swollen joints and the welts that ran down his ribs. Madam Pomfrey had explained that each time a new area transformed he was to expect this, until his human flesh healed to the new shape he needed to keep transforming. His shirt fitted him more tightly than it had just two days ago, his shoulders having gained an extra layer of muslcle that would enable his human body to help pull itself around the shifting bones. He put on his robes hoping that they could hide the change.

That night as his roommates slept, he slipped out of bed and quietly lifted the lid of his trunk and took out the book his mother had bought him. Sneaking out of his room, and down the steps, he sought a place to hide. Sliding into one of the many alcoves around the perimeter of the common room he sat crossed legged and leafed through the pages until he found the one he remembered.

Up until how he had studied only the bodies of the animals, avoiding the eyes that stared back at him from the cold pictures. Now he placed the book in the diamond of his legs and bent forward, lowering his head to look fully into the face of his future.

He felt his ear as he looked at the picture and remembered hearing Madam Pomfrey leave, and the Headmaster's steps. Since no bone was involved, he wondered why he had felt pain as they changed and twisted, not only lengthening, but changing position and tilt. He turned the page and looked at the picture of a wolf sitting on its haunches, its snout upturned, its mouth partly opened and eyes closed, and could hear the silent howl. Tears rushed to his eyes, he used the back of his hand and wiped at his face.

"Hey, Squirt," Sirius crawled in beside him. "Heard you leave and been looking all over for you. What's wrong?"

Remus' head snapped up, his wet eyes visible in the near dark.

Sirius stared at him, then reached out with his finger as if to touch Remus' eye. "Are you an Animagus?"

Remus lowered his head and sniffed loudly.

"Your eyes are bloody awesome," Sirius sat back on his heels. "Can you do any more?"

"No," Remus closed the book and wiped his eyes again, scared to say more.

"What's wrong? Does it hurt when you do it?"

Remus' bit his lip and nodded, then looked up and began to cry in earnest. "It hurts so bad sometimes. Sometimes I don't think I can do it."

"Sirius!" James whispered. "If McGonagall finds out you are… Remus?"

"Shut up and get in here," Sirius scooted over closer to Remus. "He's an Animagus."

"Is not," James smirked. "My Dad knows one, and he says kids can't do it and if they do it's because they are born that way"

"Yes they can," Sirius turned back to peer at Remus' eyes. "The Blacks have Animagi in the family. Some studied how to do and even registered with the Ministry."

"Yeah, well maybe a Black could, but not a mud-blood. Sorry kid, but you have to be a real powerful wizard to do that sort of thing."

"My Mum, she's powerful, and my Dad…"

"Your dad was a Muggle. Don't count," James sniggered. "I don't know any wizard that can do it. Let me see then."

Remus lifted his head and looked into the brighter light behind Potter, hearing him suck in his breath. "Bloody hell!"

"Where'd ya learn it?" Sirius asked.

"Don't know," Remus looked nervously from one to the other. "Just happened."

"See?" James punched Sirius on the arm. "Told ya."

"Yeah, but you said only real wizards could do it so don't give me that," Sirius flopped back to sit on the floor.

"You won't tell anyone will ya?" Remus hiccupped and tried to stop crying.

"Nah," Sirius leaned back against the wall.

"Not if you show us how you do it," James smirked.

"Yeah, yeah," Sirius was suddenly excited. "How'd ya do it? Is there a spell … or… what?"

"I ..." Remus stammered and shrugged his shoulders.

"Gimme that." James grabbed the wolf book and started looking at the pictures. "There ain't nothing in here. What is this Lupin?"

"I just look at it is all."

"You don't have to say something? An incantation or something?" He saw Remus shake his head.

"Then you must be a natural," Sirius said knowingly. "Only a natural born can choose what their animal form will be."

"We need to get something from the Library on it," James said. "If we can't find it here we can get it over the hols. I bet my Dad has something on it."

Sirius frowned, "My Dad would skin me alive if I took one of his books."

They heard the chime of the clock and looked at each other alarmed at the time. If McGonagall was going to have a bed check she would be on her way. Further thoughts of Animagi and forbidden books, were forgotten as they ran back to their room and jumped in bed.

.

.

"What do you mean they know?" Rhea shouted at him. "How can you just stand there and think they will keep your secret? Of all the people you could have slipped up with a Black is the worse. I heard about his family! They are dangerous. You have no idea of what they are capable of! When I first heard it I thought it was a lie, but I've been asking around. Moody and John have even shown me what the Ministry has on file. You're not going back. That's it. We have to move again."

"Mum, no, he's okay, really." He tried to grab her arm, to make her stop and listen to him. "They just think I can change, not that it means I am a werewolf."

"Why didn't you come right home? Why didn't you go to the Headmaster? Damn it Remus! You know what can happen!"

She continued to stride back and forth in front of the fireplace, raking her hands through her hair as she thought of Marcus and the woman that had loved him. If he had kept up his guard , not letting her in, able to live without her, he would still be alive. She turned back and looked at him, suddenly exhausted with the fight.

"Remus," she sighed, and crossed to the sofa sitting down and patting the cushion next to her. "What now?"

"Mum?" He sat next to her, snuggling up and resting his head on her shoulder. "They think I am an Animagi. We go up on the Astronomy tower and practice doing it. Really Mum, they want to be like me."

"Once they find out … Oh Remus," she said softly. "I know how hard it must be for you…"

"No you don't," he jumped up off the sofa and clenched his fists.

"Remus!" She stood to ready to do battle, until she saw him shove his hands in his pockets and lower his eyes, managing to control his anger.

"I want to have friends like the other kids. I'm the only one that didn't know someone already and they talk to me, Mum. They treat me like every one else. Please, Mum. I got to go back. I just got to."

"Not until I talk to the Headmaster… no don't look like that… I tell him what happened or you don't go back."

Remus nodded and kicked the carpet. "Mum?"

"No, that's my final word."

"Not that." He tried to grin. "Can I get any book I want for Christmas?"

He got his book when he opened the package that waited on the foot of his bed that Christmas Morning. He was anxious, but looking forward to returning to Hogwarts. To sit with his friends and learn how to do a magical transformations that should have been years ahead of them.

That December he slept in the barn when he transfigured, not worrying about making noise or waking naked. Rhea snapped the manacles around his ankles and sat close until he pushed her away.

She slid back from him, just out of the chains reach, horrified at the new changes and growing wolf she saw. When he laid his still mostly human head on his paws and looked at her, whining and excitably trying to inch closer she reached out and stroked him, ever careful to keep her body at a distance. As his eyes drifted shut, she crawled to him, and laid her face against his fur. She stroked his back and thought of the three young boys that had befriended him, and prayed they would not betray her son.


	15. Three Agreements and an Animagus

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 15**

**Three Agreements and an Animagus**

* * *

Rhea could not sleep for any longer than an hour at a time without Marcus' voice waking her, leaving her gasping for air and shaking. Her eldest that had left home for the safety of his brother, his brother that she had put in danger when she allowed him … no, she thought, pushed him … to attend Hogwarts.

She should have listened. She should have demanded that he have a private room, or put in a different house, not to share a room with Black. One word, one slip of the tongue, one sideways glance when his family was around, and Remus would be lost. Black. She wanted to vomit. Black, a name so closely linked to the current crimes against anything not of traditional wizard values that the mention of it in public caused voices to drop and witches to look over their shoulders. Black.

She lifted her hand to give a final wave as the Hogwarts' Express began to build up steam, lumbering out of the station, straining to be free of the city and to pick up full speed. She turned on her heel to look for an apparation point. She intended to arrive at Hogwarts and be gone, long before the train reached its destination.

"Mrs. Lupin?" A sandy haired woman with large green eyes smiled at her. "Remus' mother?"

"Yes," she said hesitantly.

"I'm sorry. I know we have not been introduced properly. I am James' mother, your son's roommate's mother."

"Mrs. Potter," Rhea put out her hand and felt it gripped warmly.

"My James speaks very highly of him."

Rhea laughed and put her left hand over the woman's right that still clasped her own. "Why do recommendations between eleven year old boys sound somewhat suspicious to me?"

"No more suspicious than planning on learning magic beyond their years." Mrs. Potter laughed. "His father said he tried the same thing when he was sixteen."

"The Animagus spells?" Rhea nodded, attempting a small smile.

"Lordy, yes," Mrs. Potter laughed. "Little Peter grew whiskers and was quite proud at his accomplishment. I hear your son can turn his eyes?"

Rhea nodded, feeling the platform beginning to lurch. "He, he tries but … he's not very good at it yet."

"James' father tried while we were at Hogwarts. Seems the boys thought they could sneak into town and see some of the local girls, but the girls reminded them that unless a squirrel could carry its change of clothes they should just stay home."

"Ouch," Rhea chuckled. "A girl or his modesty."

"Times are changing," Mrs. Potter sighed. "Nowadays I think they will be after the girls and damned their modesty."

Rhea reddened hearing the witch's language and looked nervously around. "Forgive me Mrs. Potter, but I am in somewhat of a hurry."

"Forgive me," James' mother said. "I speak what is on my mind more often then I think first. Don't judge James by me, he is more like his father."

"The father that chased after the local girls?" Rhea smirked, and raised her eyebrow.

"Exactly. He's going to be a handful when he gets older, him and Sirius, and looking the other way pretending he's not growing up isn't going to serve him. I'm against him learning how to walk into town on four legs instead of two, but I also know if I tell him not to, he will do it before the sun sets."

"How well do you know the other, this one called Sirius?"

"He's a good boy. Quiet, sits back and watches, worrisome at times."

"How so? Forgive me for asking, but…"

"Not at all, I understand completely." She frowned and thought before answering. "Mrs. Lupin what are your political affiliations?"

"My? I am not sure I understand." Rhea wrinkled her brow and studied the witch's face.

"There is a … a trend, to return our world to its more traditional times. From what I hear of Remus, he is being raised in a rather … old-fashioned way and already knows a fair amount of magic. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with that, I just ask because I need to know who my son is spending time with as well."

"Remus' father was a farmer. When he died, I chose to try and keep Remus to his roots. Only that."

"I see." Mrs. Potter pulled Rhea closer to the pillar that was behind them, looking around to make sure they were not overheard. "Sirius Black comes from a family loyal to the traditionalist party. His father has made it known that his sons will have places of importance in his … political party … but Sirius seems uncomfortable with it."

"He is a child. What could he possib…"

"You need to understand that these values, as they call them, would eliminate your son from attending Hogwarts, working in this world, and would in fact be aimed against witches such as yourself."

"What?" Rhea laughed nervously.

"Remus told James that his father was a Muggle. My dear, in these time you must tell him not to mention this to others. I have already had a talk with the boys, including Peter, but … just tell him."

"He is not ashamed of his father. He will never deny…"

"Heavens, there, I've done it again, put it badly. Mrs. Lupin, here in the cities, in Diagon and even Hogsmeade, there are people who will hurt one such as yourself or Remus. I only want to warn you."

"What do you mean, such as Remus?" She wanted to throttle the woman, make her hurry up with the story, and run to get Remus.

"Muggle lovers, mud-blood, blood-traitors."

"You … you talking of the Blacks?"

"Yes," Mrs. Potter nodded. "Sirius is a little … wild, but a good kid. I don't think the boy has it in him to hate that way, but … he is young and although he may never intentionally hurt anyone, small boys do talk. I would never dream of telling you to deny his heritage, just don't offer it up."

"I see." Rhea looked at the other witch uncomfortably.

"Good. Any time you want to talk just send an owl." Mrs. Potter reached out and touched Rhea's arm. "The boys always spend the summers together, this year they want Peter and Remus to come as well. Shall I tell them we spoke of it?"

"I will think about it," Rhea muttered.

"Well, I am off, remember, just owl," James' mother turned and walked back up to platform ten, disappearing through the pillar.

Rhea hurried to Hogwarts to advise Albus of the boy's intentions. He seemed to find humour in the planned antics of the first years and chided Rhea on being overly concerned. He told her stories of other students and some of the spells that had gone awry, assuring her that Hogwarts was the best place for a first year to experiment.

She would not leave until he agreed to keep an eye on the Black boy, and to let her know if there was any hint of trouble. She trusted no one where Remus was concerned, but right now, Sirius and his family least of all.

From Hogwarts she walked to the Three Broomsticks, soliciting a promise from Rosmerta to keep an eye on him, explaining her concerns, and her fear that if they managed to sneak into town he would not have any protection near. They sat together in the kitchen, Rhea leaving through the back door, not wanting anyone to know that she and Rosmerta had a connection, in case that connection was discovered.

Rosmerta sat alone after the witch had left. It was still hard for her to see Rhea and not want to cry for Romulus. She sat alone, and looked at his picture thinking about first year boys. She didn't feel that she needed to worry about them sneaking into town this year, she doubted that they would have the gall to try, but by second year she was sure they would. She grinned and shook her head knowing they would think it safer to come under cover of night, forgetting that the shops closed at dark, and at that having to try their luck at the Hogshead. It was almost a rite of passage, the older boys daring the younger years, the younger thinking they were the first to be so brave.

She picked up her shawl, pulled it tightly around her shoulders and headed down to see Aberforth.

"Been a long time since you been here other than a Saturday night." He frowned at her. "Don't tell me you be taken to drink in the daytime."

"I couldn't wait to see your ugly face." She sat up at the bar with a smirk.

"Last time I had a witch in here to see me, took her upstairs and showed her a lot more," he chuckled.

"Must have been before my time," she sighed and jokingly batted her eyes at him. "I know you only have eyes for me."

He chuckled, and looked up at her from under his brows, "Spit it out girly, what you want now?"

"I need to have a promise from the only person in this whole bloody town I can trust to keep a secret. Aberforth, I need you to know something, something that could mean a boy's life. He's a good boy, and worth the secret, but you have to know if the Ministry finds out you will be in trouble for not reporting him."

Aberforth threw up a silencing spell, and grinned at her. "Now that makes it seem worthwhile."

"The only ones that know this secret live up at Hogwarts."

"Albus?"

"Yes, and Professor McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and of course his mother."

"If this is about that Malfoy brat that broke into Honeydukes last…"

"No, not Malfoy. Abs, I need a promise. An oath."

Aberforth looked around the dark room and sniggered. "See anyone you want to hear the oath?"

Rosmerta shook her head and pointed to the bottle of whiskey he had on the bar next to him. "You can give me a glass of that."

Reaching down under the top of the bar he brought up an identical looking bottle. "Not unless you are drunk already and can't tell the difference."

She raised her eyebrow at him and laughed. "It's true. You old cheat, you do ..."

"Enough about me." He grinned and poured her drink. "You have my oath."

"You remember Romulus," she said softly, looking down at the counter.

"Aye."

"He was a good man, Aberforth. Whatever else you thought of him, he was a good man."

"Never said he weren't, Rosie."

"You never liked him."

"Never like anyone that would live off a witch." He frowned at her. "Always thought there was a story came with him."

"An old story. One filled with family grudges and Greyback." She locked her eyes on his waiting to see his reaction.

Silence spun as he looked away and began to wipe glasses, yet unused, setting them back down carefully before picking up another. Rosmerta took her wand and passed it over her hand, exposing the wedding band she still wore, invisible to all eyes but hers. She waited until he nodded and placed his hand over hers, before she again passed the wand, and hid it again.

"I'm sorry, Lassie," he said softly. "I knew it myself. You were sort of … not here ... that night he were taken, but its good to hear you say it."

"It's why he was killed and why he lays up in the old cemetery and why Greyback went back and took his brother."

"A boy?"

She nodded and wiped at her eyes. "Not yet in Hogwarts when he did it. Just a lad."

"Not yet in Hogwarts. I gather my brother figures into this somehow."

"He's let him in."

"Fucking idiot," Aberforth spat out. "Never did give a damn about protecting what is his to protect."

"No," Rosmerta said louder than she planned, looking around to make sure the silencing spell held. "Your brother tested him, made sure it was safe."

"Ain't no werewolf safe, Ministry is right in calling them animals."

"You gave me your promise!"

"I promised to keep the secret, not change my ways."

"His roommates think he is an Animagus. They plan on learning to change with him and sneaking into town."

Aberforth's lip curled up, he tried to fight it but finally gave into the laughter. "Dumb shites."

"Ab," Rosmerta sighed.

"What friends he got that can do it?"

"Pettigrew, Potter and Black."

Aberforth's eyes locked on hers when he heard the names. He nodded and started to wipe the counter.

"May be worthwhile, just to see the Black family brought down a peg. Pettigrew will do it if he has half the magic his old man had, don't know about Potter."

"You think they can do it?"

"Maybe. Until they see this boy of yours only does it at the full moon and rips their throats open."

"Ab," she sighed again.

"What you want me to do?"

"He needs a place to run if he is found out, someone to watch him."

"Won't do it Rosie. I'll keep an eye out. I'll let you know, but he ain't free to run in here."

"Abs?"

"Look round Rosie. Type of wizard comes in here would be the first to pull his wand. They wouldn't see the child, Rosie, they would be killing a wolf."

"But you will watch?"

"I'll watch. I'll watch, Rosie, but you understand this. One move toward one of ours on a full moon and I will take him out myself."

She nodded, and knew she would do the same. She would see the wolf, and save the soul of the boy.

"His name is Remus. Remus Lupin."


	16. Last Day of Term

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was the basis of a one shot I posted under the title Slaying Dragons. If it sounds familiar, that is why. It has been extended, but the beginning is much the same.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 16**

**Last Day of Term**

* * *

Remus stood on the platform and raised his hand to the train as it pulled out of the station. He was not sure if the others could see him, but still he stood with his hand raised and a smile plastered on his face wishing he were going as well. He imagined them sitting in a compartment, opening the bag from Honeydukes that James was sure to have and talking all the way to London.

"Mr. Lupin, it is time." Professor McGonagall rested her hand on his shoulder, bringing his thoughts back to the present.

"Yes Madam." He turned his body towards hers but his head still followed the train as it gathered speed and left him further and further behind.

"Mr. Lupin, I suggest you watch where you are going and not where you might have been."

"Yes, Madam," he said again, looking up at her. "I could'a done it though. I know I could' a."

"We have been over this. I will not entertain this conversation again."

"Yes, Madam, but I could'a done it. It doesn't get dark until late."

"That is quite enough Mr. Lupin." She looked down her nose at the smaller then average just turned second year. "I am sorry that the moon's cycle happens to interfere with your personal wants. However, it is a fact you must learn to deal with."

"Yes, Professor McGonagall, but I cou…"

"That is quite enough young man." She looked at him sternly and managed to stop her lip from twitching upwards. "One more night under our roof will not matter years from now."

Together they started the walk back up to Hogwarts, she with her hands clasped behind her back, him mimicking her frown and stance, his hands clasped behind him. She watched him from the corner of her eye, wanting to laugh outright at his serious expression that he thought was her, but managed to clear her throat loudly enough to shatter his concentration before speaking.

"You may spend the rest of the afternoon on the grounds. Perhaps Hagrid could use some help. However, I do expect you in my office after dinner. Am I understood?"

"Yes, Madam," he smiled up at her.

"You will not be entering the tunnel tonight as Madam Pomfrey has left for the summer, but will instead be using a room in the dungeons."

"Yes, Madam," his smile slipped a little.

He did not go down to the dungeons except for potions. The halls were dark and cold and he had to be careful to keep his eyes averted until they adjusted to the dimmer light. The smell of moss was there. At the beginning of term, he had not smelled it but as the wolf got stronger, as the wolf moved under his skin he knew this place was like the tunnel, damp, cold, unseen, underground and held memories that he didn't have.

"Now go, Hagrid will be glad for the company."

He ran down the path towards the groundkeeper's hut hearing Minerva's final warning to be on time. Rounding the side of the hut, he caught sight of Hagrid on his knees tending to an injured thestral. Hearing his footfalls, the half giant looked up and waved him closer.

"Cor, what 'appened to 'im?"

"Don't know lad. Something caught a 'old of 'im, look 'ere." Hagrid ran his large finger over the slash wound on the creature's side and lifted the wing to point out the lacerations on the underside.

"Whatever it was, it came up under 'im," Remus observed.

"Wolf it was. Maybe that or a big cat." Hagrid shook his head. "Ain't 'eard tell of no wolves round these parts and the big cats don't come down this far."

Remus felt cold. He looked up at the half giant and searched his face. "Does Greyback come around here?"

"Ah, you been reading that paper. Piece of trash that. Shouldn't allow those owls in with that thing. Ain't no paper for you to be a readin'."

"But do you think he would be up here?"

"Don't you go worrying about that one. Only goes after our own. If this is a wolf it's a regular wolf, ain't no monster did this."

Remus stood up and stepped back from the bloodied creature. "Will he be fixed?"

"Ya, think he will be just fine, now you go on. See 'ow he looks at you? Nervous he is, … shouldn't 'ave said that lad, it's not you…just some bother 'em more than others."

"It's okay Hagrid."

"Not many your age ca' see 'em." Hagrid scratched his beard. "Might be why he is scared of ya, being seen by such a young'un an all."

"It's not a wolf you know," Remus took another step back. "A wolf would have jumped 'im, ripped his throat out, not gone for the belly and raked the sides like that. Looks like a cat, right? A big cat. Right Hagrid?"

"Don't rightly know boy…"

"I know," Remus screamed at him, fisting his hands. "I know it's not a wolf. It's not, it can't be. Not a real wolf, not like what's around here. Wolves would have made noise, you would'a heard 'em. I know what they sound like, and I ain't heard 'em, not here, not around here. Moon was almost full last night. You would'a heard 'em."

Remus turned and ran back to the castle, down the hallways, and to his common room. He fled up the steps to his room and threw open his trunk, pulling out the book he kept on top. Sitting back on his heels he flipped it open and began to read, looking at the pictures that he had seen a thousand times, tracing his finger over the familiar images, and calming at the knowledge that this was what he was, not the vile creature that could bring down a magical creature in the forest.

Leaning closer to the book, he studied the pictures. He thought if he looked at them hard enough, and studied them 'real good', he thought he could control his change and be one of these wolves. Wolves lived in packs. Wolves weren't mean and didn't go after people, they ran in the woods, free and wild. Real wolves weren't scary or didn't only hunt when the moon was full. Mum was wrong, he knew she was because he didn't feel meanness run under his skin when his body twisted and the pain started.

He sat there though the afternoon, until he had turned the last page of the book and turned back to the beginning to start again, studying the pictures, tracing the flanks and snouts with his finger and committing the curve of the upturned head to memory.

"Mr. Lupin?" Professor McGonagall said softly from the doorway. "I have just spoken to Hagrid, he mentioned that you were concerned over one of the animals he was tending. May we talk about it?"

Remus nodded without taking his eyes off the book. He sat quietly until he felt the Professor join him on the floor, then let her take the book from his lap and settle it on hers. She patted the carpet next to her, indicating that he should move closer and as he slid across the space that separated them. He peeked up and saw her grin.

"I see your mother has already started your summer education."

"I got it last summer. After me and my Mum came here and talked to the Headmaster, after I passed my test."

"Ah, yes. It was a very difficult night for you, if I remember correctly. The Headmaster wrote that letter himself you know."

"Mum said I had a right to be here. She said she would make the Headmaster let me come and that my Dad would be proud."

"Of course it is your right. That was never in doubt with us. Although, I am sure some will think differently. You just listen to the Headmaster and your mother."

"See here?" He flipped the pages of the book and pointed to the picture of three wolves in full run. "They hunt together. They are pack animals it says. A pack is like a family, and mean things don't have families."

"A wolf is a smart animal," she added, turning the page to the next picture.

"Yeah," he nodded furiously and leaned over the book. "It says that people are scared of them because they don't know about them, don't understand them you see."

"As it is about many things. We fear that which we do not know."

"That's what Mum says."

"Your mother is a smart woman, Remus."

"Hagrid said a wolf did it, but a wolf wouldn't have done that Professor."

"Creatures are sometimes scared as well Remus. They must learn to exercise caution when around the unknown."

"You think maybe the Thestral scared it? You think maybe that's it?" He looked up at her hopefully.

"Perhaps," she turned the page again, giving him time to absorb what she had said. "Perhaps he was not raised by a wolf and was not taught how to act like a good wolf."

"Who do you think raised him?"

"Perhaps he was only a cub when he was found. Perhaps a well meaning wizard took care of him and then released him into the wild before he was taught."

Remus reached over and turned another page, and then another, pausing and looking up at her from the corner of his eye.

"My Mum can teach _me_. Can't she? She says if I do what she says I can do it."

"Your mother is not a wolf, but she will do the best she can, as will all of us."

He rose onto his knees and cupped his hands around her ear, leaning in to whisper, "I get scared sometimes too, but Mum says not to tell anyone."

She put her arms around him as the sting of tears began behind her eyes. Giving him a quick hug, she cleared her throat and disengaged his arms, struggling to stand as she hid her face from him.

"You are a Gryffindor, of course you are scared at times."

"Gryffindors are brave."

"Bravery is facing fears. Any fool can slay a dragon. It is only those that fear the dragon that exhibit bravery in doing so."

"Can I stay here tonight? The rest are gone for the summer."

Minerva looked into his face and saw the glimmer of hope that he still held, a hope born of as yet easy transitions and padded restraints.

"No, it is not safe, not for yourself and not for others. You know the rules."

"I could'a made it home. My Mum lets me sleep in the barn all night. It's like camping out and sometimes she leaves the barn door open and I can see the outside."

"And what if the trains were delayed? What if it was crowded at the station and she could not get a taxi? What if you had been unable to be home before darkness? You must learn not to take risks with others, it is not only yourself you need be concerned with."

"Sometimes it's not so bad. I think I can make it stop if I try really hard, really really hard."

"You will have the summer to practice. Four moons, August has a blue moon this year, as I am sure you know. You have charted the cycles, have you not?"

"Yes Madam," he sighed. "If I can do it, I mean really do it, can I stay in my room then?"

Minerva looked at him. Unable to say aloud what she knew needed to be said. "Yes Mr. Lupin, if you can demonstrate control and constraint you may stay in your room. Remember Mr. Lupin, there is nothing you cannot endeavour to achieve. However, not every endeavour will be successful, and it is in these failures that we find our strength and see our bravery. Now, it is past dinner time and you need to run along and eat before we see to your sleeping arrangements."

She watched him run down the stairs and out of sight, headed for the Great Hall where he would eat before being locked up in an empty chamber for the night. She would slide open the small wooden slot in the door and check on him from time to time and see the future he had in front of him.

It was getting worse, she knew. It was no longer just his body that changed, but now his mind. She had seen the charts that Poppy kept and knew his childish eyes now turned hard and cold, flickering to the dark corners and looking for a way out of the room under the willow, flickering between his two worlds, fighting to stay in hers. Unable to hold on to his boyish dream long enough to ignore his calling.

She smoothed her robes and patted her head, making sure he had not dislodged her hat with his hug. _He will learn_, she thought, hoping that he had one more summer to be free. One more summer before he knew for sure that his dragon could not be slain.

In the morning, Minerva unlocked the door and set clean clothing and a tray outside the chamber's door with all of Remus' favourite breakfast foods. She would let him sleep as long as he needed. She sighed, knowing he would feel he failed if he had slept, wondering if it was the sleep or the wolf that took his mind away for a short while. She pulled the slot open and peered in at him. Waiting until her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she smiled seeing him squatting in the corner, eyes wide open.

"Mr. Lupin?" She stood away from the door. "I have set out your things."

"Do I have to fill in one of Madam Pomfrey's pictures?"

"Yes, but you may do so in my office when you are done."

"Do I get to ride the train?"

"If you would like. However I am sure your mother is waiting at her floo," she said with a twitch at the corners of her mouth. "You will be quite alone on the train, it will be better if this time you use a more conventional means of travel."

The door opened and he reached out, pulling in the pile of clothing. "Did you see me… you know."

"Naked?" She sniffed and lifted her head, fighting the urge to laugh. "No, Mr. Lupin. Your modesty is intact."

In a few moments, he tugged her sleeve, drawing her attention to him. "No, did you see _him_?"

"Yes, Mr. Lupin."

"Mum and Madam Pomfrey don't talk about him. Not really anyway." He swallowed hard and studied her face. "Is it scary bad?"

"Not '_scary_', as it is you I see. Not bad, as you were well protected." She sniffed at him. "So in answer to your poorly asked question, no."

"Mum says you should see the wolf and not the boy. She says when I get bigger nothing can hold me and it is wrong to think of the boy because you could get too close. I read a book, in the library, it says I can do bad things like Greyback."

She squatted down to put herself level with his eyes. "Mr. Lupin it is the wolf that does the bad things. _Never _the boy. If you learn anything it _must_ be this."

"Sometimes," he whispered, "I can feel him. He moves in me and makes me think of him even before the moon gets full."

"Have you told your mother?"

"She can't know," he pleaded. "It would scare her awfully."

"If you cannot talk of it I want you to do an assignment for me. Can you do that?" She waited until he nodded before continuing. "I want you to keep a journal. I want you to write down when he moves in you, and what it feels like. When you return in the autumn, you may share this with the Headmaster."

"I don't have to talk to Madam Pomfrey?" he stammered, toeing the floor and shoving his hands in his pockets. "I can't tell Mum it would make her… ummm, well … I just can't tell a … a _witch_."

"I suspect, Mr. Lupin," she stood feeling the twitch to her lip and started to walk away unable to stop her smile, finishing loud enough for him to hear, "that these will be things only another Wizard can help you understand."


	17. Are You Snogging Mum?

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 17**

**Are You Snogging Mum?**

* * *

Rhea paced in front of the fireplace waiting for Remus. The clock on the wall showed it was almost noon and she knew he was always up with the dawn on the nights he transfigured, unable to sleep though the pain. Knowing Minerva, she thought bitterly, he would be locked up and not have someone waiting, then chided herself for thinking poorly of her.

She stomped to the kitchen and flung his breakfast in the sink along with all his favourite foods, now ruined, cold and hard. Sitting heavily at the table, she laid her head down on her arms to wait. Another hour passed before the floo activated and she hurried out in the sitting room to find John Dawlish brushing off his clothing.

"John," she hurried to him and flung her arms around his neck. "He's not home yet and I am worried to death."

"I would have heard if there were an accident, and you would have heard if he were ill," he gently chided her. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, but I don't want him to walk in and see us together until I have time to talk to him." She stepped back and smoothed her hair. "I'm sorry, John."

"How about a cup of that coffee I smell? I've had my share of tea today."

"Right this way." She grinned and returned to the kitchen, hearing him follow and sit at the table to wait for her.

"Have you been thinking about what I asked?"

"You know I have, but it's not a good time now."

"Never is with you." He took the cup from her and sat it on the table in front of him. "Can't just keep putting it off."

"What if I said I like things the way they are?" she asked, looking down at the tabletop.

"I'd say that I don't."

"What if it's all I can give you now?"

"I'd say the kid is going to find out sooner or later anyway. It's never going to be a good time."

"John, you know what he is. You know you he is unregistered. It could affect your job, your friends, just everything. I don't want you waking up a year from now and resenting us."

"Then I find a new job and if my friends give a damn they aren't worth keeping anyway." He grinned and leaned back in the chair. "Don't you dare say I'm too old to find a new job."

"It's nothing to laugh about."

"Before the summer is out, bloody hell woman, before the week is out, I want an answer."

The floo activated and Remus tumbled out, tripping over his trunk and spilling his backpack in the soot and grime. Rhea grinned at John and jumped up, running to the next room

"Mum, I'm home!"

"I can see that," she hugged him tightly, then wrinkled her nose and pushed him back. "You smell like a dustbin."

"Professor McGonagall let me use her floo and it stinks."

"Well, you sit yourself down at the table and let me feed you then it's off to the bath for you." She brushed off her clothes. "And don't touch anything."

"Hi." He grinned at John as he climbed up to the table. "So, you and my Mum been snogging?"

John snorted coffee from his nose as Rhea shouted at Remus from the doorway.

"What? Grownups are always snogging. Peter says so."

"It must be true if Peter says so." John fought not to laugh as he wiped the front of his shirt.

"Remus, you apologise to Mr. Dawlish."

"What'd I say?" He saw his mother's scowl and swallowed hard. "Mr. Dawlish, I am sorry you are not snogging my Mum."

"Remus Lupin you go to your room at once!" Rhea stood stiffly with her arm flung out pointing to the stairs.

"Witches get like that when you talk about snogging." John leaned over the table and whispered loud enough for Rhea to hear. "They don't always mind the doing, just the talking about it. You best remember this when you get older."

"John Dawlish!"

Remus looked up at John and grinned, ignoring Rhea completely. "You been staying here, shagging?"

"Now, that is a completely different matter, as you well know, and for that you do owe your mother an apology. I think that bath without lunch is in order." John looked directly at Remus with an expression that clearly showed he no longer found humour in the conversation, and would not accept no for an answer.

Remus slunk up stairs, casting looks at his mother as he walked passed her, clearly upset with the way his homecoming was going. His resentment with this man, who sat in the kitchen and could talk to him this way, was evident on his face.

"John, he has never acted like this, I don't know what's got into him."

"He has never spent nearly a year living with boys either," John smirked. "Should have seen your face when he asked if we were snogging."

"Should have seen your own when he asked if we …" She turned away from him, no longer smiling. "My gods, how can I tell him about you now?"

"Rhea, he is a boy." John laughed. "You should be glad he feels free to talk openly with you … well, all but the last comment that I plan on talking to him about."

"You will do no…"

"Yes I will Rhea. He is at the age he needs to be able to talk about things. Unless, of course, you want him to learn about sex from Peter."

"We live on a farm. He knows how things happen."

"Really? You know Rhea, if he had asked … Are you staying here because you love my Mum?… or even… Do you like my Mum? … I would believe you. But he didn't."

"He should know…"

"I agree," he stood up and pulled her to him. "He should know, but at his age he doesn't. At his age shagging and love aren't connected."

"Just how much to you plan on telling him?"

"I am not going to give him instructions on foreplay if that's what you're asking." He fought not to laugh at her. "And I won't spend the night when he's home, you know better."

"He will be confused because of… John, his wolf-self is older. More _mature_. That's why werewolves don't live as long as we do, they age faster. It's as if he has two biological clocks, one wolf, one human. So unless you know something of animals and their mating habits you may not be the one to have this talk with him."

"Since Greyback isn't on the short list of sources of information it's up to us, Rhea," he whispered, and tipped up her chin. "I told you I wanted to marry you. Did you for one minute think that in anyway excluded accepting your son as mine?"

"You're not my Dad! You never will be either!" Remus stood on the stairs looking down, then rushed down, pushing the wizard away and put himself in front of his mother snarling as John tired to regain his footing.

"Remus, don't," Rhea gasped.

"Lad, we can talk…"

"No," Remus dropped his head and looked up under his brows. "You don't touch her, you leave her alone."

Rhea flinched at the sound of his voice, the lower timbre, the near snarl.

"Calm down." John raised his hands, palms out looking up at Rhea as if for help.

"No one can be my Dad, my Dad loved me. Tell him Mum, tell him to go home."

"I was there Remus, I know." John kept his voice even and firm. He saw Remus dip his head further and tilt it to the side.

"Sometimes," John squatted down in front of the boy, "the day before and the day after the full moon you can still feel it's pull. Some believe that the further north the harder it's felt. Others say there's nothing to it, just things that people who don't know what they are talking about say. What do you think?"

"Shut up!" Remus yelled, then turned and buried his face in his mother's chest. "You don't know, you don't know nothing."

"You can teach me, and I can show you some books I bought on werewolves."

"Why'd you do that? Buy books?" Remus looked back under his arm at John.

"Because I love a witch, whose son just so happens to be one, and I thought one day I may have need of them."

"We don't need you," Remus' voice hitched. "Tell him Mum. Tell him we don't need him."

"Ah, baby don't," Rhea hugged him tightly looking at John over the top of his head. "Sometimes we want what we don't need, Honey. Sometimes that want is just as important."

"More important than me?" He ran his sleeve over his eyes and looked up at her.

"No baby." She turned her eyes to John and saw his nod as he walked into the sitting room. "Wait here, okay? I just have to tell him something."

She gently pushed Remus back and ran into the sitting room as John stepped into the floo. She ran in with him and grabbed his arm before he could toss down the powder.

"I love you." She felt tears well in the bottom of her eyes. "I know I've not said it aloud before now, but I do love you."

He traced her mouth with the pad of his thumb and sighed. "I'll have that talk with him, but Rhea, know this…you give me an answer when I am done or this is over. It's not right to fool him, and it's not right to do this to us."

She stepped backwards out of the floo and watched as he left before turning back to the kitchen. It was a week before she saw John walking towards the house again. She glanced at Remus who sat on the floor, his head bent over a book on charms and spells, knowing that John had not used the floo because of the familiarity it would show.

"Remus? Company is coming. I expect you to watch your manners."

Remus looked up from his book and craned his neck to see out the window. Seeing John, he pressed his lips together and put his head back down to the book. She opened the door and jerked her head towards Remus.

"Hi Scout," John called out to him. "Did your Mum tell you we were going fishing?"

"Wizards don't fish," Remus muttered without looking up.

"Could have told me that before I made a fool of myself looking for the … tackle I think they called it."

Remus turned his head and looked at what John carried and snorted. "Those are sissy poles. Not like my Dad's. He had fly rods for trout, and a whole box of flies. Got burnt up at the old place. He knew what to do, he was a Muggle."

"We could catch some for dinner," John said hopefully, before seeing Rhea's smirk and the shake of her head. "Or not."

"You stupid or something?"

John put his hand on Rhea's arm, and shook his head, not wanting her to take issue with the boy's rude behaviour.

"When it comes to fishing seems I am. Thought you could show me. Your Mum said she used to fry up what you and your dad brought home."

"Yeah, but you'll never get one with those old poles. Maybe a cat-fish, that's all they're good for."

"I hear cat-fish is good eating."

"Well, you heard wrong." Remus pouted. "Like I said, you must be stupid."

"Okay kid." John set the poles by the door and shooed Rhea from the room. "This is how it's going to work. I talk you listen. You ask a question, I do the best I can to answer it. You are polite to me and I don't turn you over my knee."

"My Dad never spanked me!"

"No, and I guess you never called him stupid either."

"No but I…"

"And you never hinted that your mother was not a respectable witch."

"No, but I didn't mean it."

"Boy, when you put a word out there, you can't call it back… no, this is where I talk and you listen remember? You say something like that and it hurts her a little. After a time all the little hurts add up and it's too big to fix. Now you go in there and apologise for what you said the other day."

"Guess you want one to."

"No." John looked at him evenly. "I won't ask for an apology for the truth, but she gets one for the way you treated her."

"You and my Mum?" Remus whispered, his eyes growing round.

"I want to marry her, boy. She has the idea she should sit here alone from September to June waiting for you. I don't think she should."

"What about me. Peter says …"

"Peter's folks are divorced and making fools of themselves. You can tell him that. Ain't no call to push and shove him between their arguments. This is your home, and that is your mother in there, I suspect with her ear to the door trying to hear what we are saying." He grinned seeing Remus peek over his shoulder and nod. "I can never be your Dad. I can be like a dad, and would like it if someday you could call me that. Anthony, was your dad, always will be. Nothing can ever change that and no one should ever try."

"What did she say?"

"Won't tell me until you say it's okay."

"And if I say no."

"Then I will tell her you are too young to know what's going on, just a stupid little no account kid that she should ignore. I'll try to make her miss me so much she can't stand it. Then I'll wait until you leave and come crawling back to make her change her mind."

"How?"

"I have no idea, but begging sounds right."

"Cat fish isn't so bad," Remus bit his lip and looked at the door.

"Let me just go snog your Mum goodbye and we can get out of here."

"Ewww, why'd you say that?"

"Before the day is done I'm going to say a lot more than that," he muttered, thinking this was not such a good idea. "Take the poles and wait outside, okay?"

Remus scrambled up with a grin toward the kitchen, he grabbed the fishing gear, rushed outside, and let the door slam behind him.

"John?" Rhea stepped back into the room, casting a worried look at the door, making sure Remus wasn't listening. "I'm not sure that was the wisest way to … you know… you … you could have lied."

"Lied?"

"Oh, John, you have a lot to learn about children and their parents having sex. I don't know if you are the one to have this talk with him."

"Too late," he grinned. "Rhea, I don't know what girls talked about for nine months locked up in Hogwarts, but I can tell you what he and his friends talked about, and it wasn't all about fly fishing and how much they missed their mothers. At least I may be able to tell him that a girl doesn't think looking at dead animals in the Forbidden Forest makes a great first date."

"You didn't," she grinned.

"Bloody hell, at thirteen I thought it great fun to poke dead rabbits with a stick and see how hard they were. I thought girls were strange because they didn't want to."

"John, don't share that story."

"We'll be fine, Rhea. Then it's up to you."

"I know." She crossed over to him and stood in front of him, peeking at the door before wrapping her arms around his neck. "You've been gone a week and I can't sleep."

"I thought we could do it before he heads back."

"Do it?" She looked at him horrified.

"Marry, not shag woman." He laughed, and when he saw her nod, pulled her into a kiss.

"John," she pulled away and looked at him nervously. "If we do this, and I want to, I really do, but if we do, we should keep it quiet. Not a true secret, just… quiet, not talk of it. I should keep my old name."

"Still afraid of the Ministry?"

"Yes. If we can't agree on this, then the answer will be no. It's the only demand I'll make of you."

"Well, then let them all think I am shagging Mrs. Lupin," he grinned and kissed her one more time on the forehead before releasing her and joining Remus outside.

They walked to the stream that cut through the back of the property, and Remus showed John how to bait his hook and weight the line. Laying the poles on the bank, the lines drifting in the water they stood looking at the slow moving current. Remus squatted down and looked up at John, pointing to tracks in the mud.

They followed the delicate fox tracks until they disappeared, then returned to the poles and sat back on the bank. They talked and bantered, John trying to answer his questions, and posing some of his own about werewolves and transformations. Remus felt a release in talking about his fears. Fears he hid from his mother and Madam Pomfrey. Fears that one day he couldn't return. Fears that one day we would remain trapped in the body of the wolf or lose his human voice.

John finally managed to swing the conversation around to what he had come for, and thought he did rather well until Remus frowned and wrinkled his nose.

"You mean even after you get married you want to do that?"

"Umm, well, I've never been married, but yeah… I hope so. Remus, this is not something we need to talk about."

"Will you do it with other witches?"

John looked at him blankly. "Remus, I don't think you understand what I am saying. I love your Mum. I don't want to see any other witches."

"Peter says his Mum and Dad argued all the time about it. He said his Mum was mad because his Dad liked to do it with other witches."

"Is that what's bothering you?" He saw Remus shrug his shoulders, and then nod. "I'll make you a deal."

Remus looked at him from the corner of his eye. "What kind of deal?"

"If I ever hurt her you can bite me." John tried to look serious only to receive a punch in the arm.

"Mum said you helped my Dad that night."

"I got there too late," John frowned. "I don't know many that could have tried to do what he did, Remus. You have every right to be proud of him."

"Will I still be a Lupin?"

"I'd never take your father's name away from you. It's a good name."

"Can I call you John? Sometimes Sirius calls his dad by his name."

"Not to … Yeah, John would work."

"That's my middle name you know."

"Yes, your mother told me it was your Grandfather's as well."

"I guess it would be alright if you hung around."

"I don't want to hang around, Remus."

"Then, you are really going to marry my Mum?"

"If you go get that fish that's dragging your line away we can go ask her." John laughed as Remus scampered to the fishing poles and pulled in dinner. Then draping his arm across his shoulders they walked back to the house.


	18. Second Term

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 18**

**Second Term**

* * *

Remus saw his roommates sitting on top of their luggage as he and his mother ran to 9 ¾. There had been a thunderstorm, which had slowed their progress, and now they were running to make it on time.

Remus grinned. "See? What did I tell ya… you? Everyone is late, not just us."

"I remember missing the train once myself and had to take one of the regular ones, and then have someone collect me at the station." Rhea scowled. "We can't risk that."

"I'll be fine Mum."

She looked up at the three boys that had spotted him and were now running towards them. Stepping back she grinned at the awkward non-hug slaps on the shoulders, and arms draped around each other's shoulders wanting to embrace each other but knowing that big second years wouldn't do that. She caught her breath seeing Remus join in, no longer afraid to look into their eyes.

"Mrs. Lupin," the tallest of the boys stood twisting his hat in front of her. "I need to, ah... I just wanted to say… that I …umm."

"You are Sirius?"

"Yes Madam," he looked up at her face and grinned. "I talked to Mrs. Potter and I just wanted to tell you that I don't care if his Dad was just an ole Muggle."

"Just an old Muggle?" She lifted her eyebrow and smirked at him.

"Yeah, well… I guess that's all I had to say."

"Indeed." She looked at Remus over his head. "Tell me Sirius, did Remus tell you to talk to me?"

"No," he said, looking up at her shyly with the good grace to blush. "Yeah, but I mean it anyway."

"That's what I thought," she laughed and ruffled his hair. "Now you go on before I embarrass you with a kiss goodbye as well."

Sirius stepped up to her and kissed her on the cheek. Surprised, her hand flew to her cheek as she watched him blush a deeper red.

"My Mum don't come to see me off." He shrugged, and toed the wooden platform. "Wouldn't mind if she did though."

"Breaks your heart, it does." Mrs. Potter stood at her elbow as the boys ran off to get on the train.

"That was Sirius? I expected him … to be different."

"Cold, aloof, distant, evil, horns…"

"Stop," Rhea laughed. "The way every one warned me off I was just expecting someone… harder I guess."

"No, that's Sirius. Oh, don't get me wrong. He uses that _sweet-little-me_ act to get exactly what he wants but sometimes, like now, you just see him for what he is."

"I can see how it would work," she laughed. "I can see Professor McGonagall with him, bet she gives him a run for his money."

"Oh, trust me, he or James can't get by her. Peter will stand up and argue, that's not Black, he will charm you to death."

"And James?"

"The clown. Like I told you, his father's son. He said his goal this year was to get … you will have to understand he was talking to Sirius and Peter at the time … his goal was to get the stick out of Remus' bum that his mother put up there."

"What?" Rhea looked at the train, getting ready to yank Remus back off.

"No, he meant it in a good way. Well, twelve-year-old-good. He wants Remus to have some fun, to stop being so quiet. It seems your little boy is picking up the reputation for being the serious one of the group."

"And that is a bad thing?"

"When you are twelve it is a fate worse than death," she laughed. "Well, I'm off. We will have to get together with the boys sometimes. Worries them when they know their mothers are comparing notes. Keeps them on their toes, and those four need to stay on their toes."

Rhea scowled as she watched the train pull away, beginning to resent the yearly chiding by Mrs. Potter. She glanced back at John, standing at the back, behind the rest of the parents, wearing his Aurors robes so as not to draw attention. She walked over to him and put her arm through his.

"Buy a lonely mother a cup of tea before she starts to cry?"

"I would rather take a lonely mother back to bed," he grinned. "He made me promise not to forget your birthday, remember that you liked raspberries with chocolate, white roses , not red, and you liked the stew at Tom's but didn't get to go there any more."

"I see, well… other than my birthday was last month, I'm allergic to roses, the raspberries and chocolate are _his_ favourites. I do like the stew, even though we ate it twice last week when we were shopping for school supplies."

"I've been had."

"Like a whore when the fleet is in." She laughed at his face. "I could go for a bowl of that stew though Mr. Dawlish."

"Fine, Mrs. Dawlish." He looked back over his shoulder at the train that was almost out of sight. "I don't think he is going to be quite the same quiet little boy you know come the hols."

"He isn't the same little boy since he met up with you and your stories, so don't go blaming it on his roomies."

"What stories?" he said in mock horror.

"Moody and loosing body parts. Need I say more?"

"Boy talk. I will have you know he now knows how to burp at will and use his armpit to make farting sounds."

"What?" She stopped walking and looked at him horrified.

"Trust me, these are things every second year worth his salt knows." He frowned at her. "Rhea, you have protected him so well he doesn't know how to be a boy. Let him have _some_ joy in the world."

.

.

"I wish we could learn real duelling, like in the Muggle books." Peter lay on his stomach, resting his head on his hands. "That would be neat."

"I want to learn how that Accio one works. You know, so you don't have to get up and get something if you're lazy," Sirius chimed in. "I know the ones for calling quills and stuff, but not the real one, the one that can call everything, even your wand, but I can clean up without taking a shower."

Remus turned and looked at him strangely, "You know that's only for taking off the stuff you can see. It don't really clean you."

"Sure it does," Peter said. "My dad says it works just fine, it's only the witches that don't like it."

"Bet that the Slytherins don't use soap and water," James sat on Peter's bed and elbowed him in the ribs. "Maybe you should have been sorted down there, you'd fit right in."

"It isn't so bad down there. Lot warmer than up near all these windows in the winter time, and no place is as cool as potions class when it warms up," Peter pouted.

"Are they all rich?" Remus sat up from his prone position, knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

"Remember that kid Snape on the train with us?" Sirius answered. "He didn't look rich to me."

"No, but the rest do. That Malfoy, did you see his robes?" Peter nodded.

"My Mum don't even have robes that pretty," Remus laughed. "Sort of dressed up and sissy for school if you ask me."

"Lily says Snape is dirt poor." James added. "Lives down in something called council housing and his Dad is off work more than on."

James looked at Remus, losing any trace of humour on his face. "Don't go messing with Malfoy, squirt. He's bad news. Plus that, why is he even hanging around with Snape, no seventh year does that."

"And stay away from that Mulciber," Sirius turned to Peter. "I know his dad hangs around ours, but they aren't really friends. They've been working for that Tom Riddle guy."

"Sluggy never gives Snape detentions, or takes away points," James pouted. "Slytherins, or friends of Malfoy and Mulciber get treated special, you ever notice?"

"Could be because your potion turned green," Remus reminded James. "Should've been yellow."

"Your's was sort of yellow, and you only lost five points," James spat.

"Was not, it was green only not shiny." Remus argued back. "Anyway, Snape's was perfect, Sluggy even said so."

"That's because he hangs out with Malfoy and Mulciber during the summer," Sirius said knowingly. "They say he reads all the time, the books we aren't allowed here. I've seen a few of them, but … never mind. What you want to do tonight?"

Remus frowned and looked at Peter. "The only ones we can't read are in the restricted part, right?"

"My Mum says .."

"Shut up Peter," James rolled his eyes. "I need to get out of here."

"Remus, come on up to the tower. I want to show you what I can do, and Peter can grow whiskers. Bet we can get it right soon."

The four snuck up to the tower and compared their skills. Peter was by far the best. Twitching his whiskers he grinned and flipped a spell book open to show them what he was doing.

"That's not for a real Animagus." Sirius grabbed the book from him. "Peter, you're an idiot. You have spent the whole summer just transfiguring whiskers, not turning into anything."

"Better than what you can do," Peter pulled the book back sullenly. "I don't think hairy hands count for shite."

"Hey, want to see a neat spell my Dad showed me?" Remus got up to his knees and pointed his wand at the floor, incanting a complicated spell.

The other three crowed around and gasped when the tracks of an owl could be seen, appearing to walk along the floor.

"See," he looked up smugly. "Bet there is an owl on the ledge up here. He took me hunting, he did… and showed me this."

James looked at the edge of the platform and frowned. Soon all the boys were looking for it when Peter started laughing. "It's on the roof."

"How'd you do that?" Sirius squatted down, a smirk across his face. "Can you do it for people?"

"We used it for hide and seek too," Remus nodded. "It's really neat. My new dad showed me."

Sirius studied Remus, then dropped his head down and looked at the tracks still showing on the ground. "Your Mum got married?"

"Yeah," Remus shrugged.

"How's he … you know… with you?"

"Okay I guess." Remus looked up. "It's not like having my Dad back for real, but its okay."

"Sometimes having your real Dad around ...," he paused and looked over to Peter that was still trying to coax the owl off the roof. "Sometimes it's better not to. Does he yell at you and stuff?"

"Sometimes." Remus said. "Like when I snuck out my window to go swimming in the creek."

"Does he…"

"Gentlemen, I assume you have a good reason for being out of your room after hours?" Professor McGonagall stood at the top of the stairs.

"Good one," Sirius hissed at Remus, kicking the owl tracks with his foot. "Next time I don't care where the stupid owl is, it's her we got to watch."

"Five points each will be deducted. Mr. Pettigrew release that owl at once," she scowled at him. "The four of you will report to my office first thing in the morning. Yes, Mr. Potter, that means before the morning meal, which the four of you will be missing."

"You can't do that," Peter pouted.

"Oh, Mr. Pettigrew, I assure you I can do that, and much more."

"Professor?" Sirius stood up and looked at her innocently. "We were helping Remus here with his astronomy homework. He is having a hard time of it."

"Really, Mr. Black? Which part would that be?" She folded her arms waiting for him to formulate an answer.

"He is having a hard time with the phases of the moons. We thought it would be beneficial for him to see for himself."

Minerva fought the twitch she felt curling up her lip as she turned to Remus. He stood still, staring at her, his eyes large and round.

"Well, Mr. Lupin." She scowled down at him. "Am I to believe this?"

"Yes?" he squeaked, blanching under her stare.

"Mr. Lupin you will serve a further detention in my office after lunch tomorrow since you have forgotten what every first year should know. Perhaps an hour of study will refresh your memory."

"Yes, Professor," he sighed in relief.

"Now what are you still standing here for? Off with you," she shooed them off the tower, watching them run down the steep steps and smiling to herself. _The phases of the moon indeed_.

Minerva picked up her long skirt and carefully picked her way down the steep steps contemplating the coming detention. Images of the boy's sorting came back to her and she pressed his lips together making a mental note to have Albus ask the blasted thing what it was thinking, or if it had been thinking at all. No four boys in the entire school were more unlikely to have become friends, yet here they were, gallivanting round the school and protecting each other's lies. _The phases of the moon indeed_, she chuckled remembering the look on Remus' face.

Poor Peter, she thought. He would be spending the holidays in residence this year. He would wake up alone in a cold stone castle devoid of friends, only staff to keep him company. She hoped his family at least thought to send a gift to lay at the foot of his bed, but guessing even that would go forgotten she had two in her cupboard she would sneak in herself. She would not send an owl to his parents about this latest infraction. They did not need one more excuse to berate him, or one more reason to punish him with sending him off to see the other parent as an excuse to be rid of him.

Nor she thought, could she draw the Black's attention to the fact that their son had made friends with a Lupin, or a Potter. Potter's parents were quite vocal in their opposition to the political party of the Black's and Sirius had been instructed, in no uncertain terms, to stay clear of him. _No_, she thought she would not contact the parents this time. Rhea would fly into a rage of fear, and Potter's mother would just chuckle and claim that boys would be boys.

"That was close," Peter whispered loudly over his shoulder as they climbed through the opening behind the picture of the Fat Lady. "Could've gone a lot worse."

"Worse?" Sirius grinned and smacked the back of his head. "We got caught idiot. Detention."

"She isn't sending home notes," Potter said breathlessly bringing up the rear. "She'd say if she was."

"Mum's going to kill me." Remus punched Sirius in the arm. "You should have picked on James, or Peter. She knows I'm good in Astronomy."

"We have to find someplace else to go, that's for damned sure." Potter flopped on his bed, lying on his back with his arms folded under his head.

"No one goes to the Shrieking Shack."Peter's voice muffled as he was pulling his jumper over his head.

"Yeah," James sat up.

"It's getting kind'a cold out. Maybe just someplace in the castle would be better." Remus turned and began to unbutton his shirt to get into his nightclothes.

"Remus is right," Sirius pulled down his jeans. "Plus the tracks when it starts snowing will be a give away."

"I forgot my spell book," Peter jumped up and ran to the door, almost knocking down Remus.

"Leave it, we'll get it before detention in the morning," Sirius called him back.

"Yeah," Peter turned back into the room, his eyes falling on Remus' shoulder. "Wow, it hasn't gone away yet?"

Remus' turned away from Peter and struggled to get his nightshirt on, dropping it in the process and only taking longer.

"What's that from?" James said softly, in awe of the sight.

"His dad died, right Remus? They both fell off the loft, but his dad died and that's what he got."

"That's no scar from a fall." Sirius looked at Remus' shoulder and frowned.

James reached out a finger to touch it only to have Remus slap him away and turn to glare at Peter. "It wasn't the fall. I hit some stuff when I fell. I told you that."

"You don't have to get all mad about it," James pouted and sat back on his bed. "Anyway, it's not so bad. I've seen worse."

Remus pulled on his nightshirt and climbed into bed. He pulled the curtains closed and turned his back toward his roommates that were whispering and laughing. He wanted to bury his face in his pillow and cry. It was coming apart. The tower, the wanting to learn spells to change into an animal, the shrieking shack, and now they had seen his scars. He bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut and sobbed aloud when he could no longer remember his father's face.


	19. A Friend

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 19**

**A Friend**

* * *

Remus felt his thumbs tingle and pull inward as his fingers lengthened curling, the second joint snapping, curling forward and forming the pad of a wolf's paw. His legs pulled up underneath him as he rose up on his knees, knowing that sometimes the pain could be less if he could get the weight off his backside when his hips began to adjust, bones cracked and slid to new joints that were tipping out and down. His knees suddenly stiffened. He heard the sound of the back door slam and heard his father's rifle ratchet and not the sound of his kneecaps pushing back, until they forced the bone ends to shatter and protrude to new, backwards knees. He hung his head, panting through his mouth, feeling his skin began to bristle with coarse new hair follicles.

"Riddikulus," he breathed. "Riddikulus"

Something was going wrong this time, he knew it and could feel it. _Riddikulus_. He stretched his head up and screamed as his sternum cracked and shifted, forcing his chest muscles out and his rib cage to bow. He fell to his side, his arms unable to hold him, his shoulders pulling his spine painfully and his skull altering to accommodate the fit of a four- legged animal, unable to lift its head as a walking man. He wanted his Mum. He wanted to lie in his barn, he raised his head and heard an animal that was not him, howl in pain.

"Riddikulus," he panted, while searching the dark corners with yellow eyes. "Riddikulus."

He twisted and moaned, biting down on his lips, trying, trying as hard as he could to keep in the sound that started in his throat wanting to fill the room. His second scream rose from his belly, deep and feral, an animal in torturous pain. He tried to grab his head as hot spikes of blinding pain hit his eyes and pierced his brain. His arms felt frozen, bone grated on bone, nerve fibres ripped and reattached as new hot burning sinew stretched to pull bone where none belonged.

Riddikulus resounded like a mantra in his mind, Riddikulus.

Remus hung his head, and tilted it sideways, desperate to ease the pain as his skull changed to its new shape, his ears pulling up from his jaw line, eye sockets growing larger, reshaping as the snout created new nasal cavities and restructured the roof of his mouth. He dropped and scraped the side of his head along the dirty floor, a whimper escaping him. Needing to stop the pain, to replace it with something more bearable, he lowered his head and bit the front leg, covered now in grey and black.

"Riddikulus, please Riddikulus," he tried to form the words.

It was lasting longer this time, slower, but at the same time it was moving faster. He tried to take his mind elsewhere, to see Mum's face, to hear her whisper the magic word. _Riddikulus_. It was faster for the wolf to smell the person that paced above the ground, its smell invading the tunnel, climbing up in the air and reaching him. He growled, a low rumble that reverberated in his throat, the almost neck of the wolf. The creature that was now less than half boy struggled to stand, needing to find his mother, needing her to stop what was happening. He lowered his head and brought up his haunches, getting accustomed to the change in balance.

Riddikulus, he thought, wondering what the word was for.

The wolf stumbled as the boy tried to find how to walk on four legs without his balance in shoulders placed over hips. He panted, as the change seemed to stop, then screamed a howl as he began to convulse, phlegm spewed from his mouth, excrement mixed with blood ran down his hind legs as his internal organs adjusted to the confines of his new body. He cowered and whimpered … then, the full wolf stood, walked to the middle of the room, sat up on its haunches, lifted its snout to the ceiling, and sensing the moon above, howled into the night.

.

Rosmerta sat on the step outside the kitchen door pulling the shawl tighter each time she heard the sounds that carried on the wind. Two months ago she had sat, as she always did during the full moons when school was in, and thought she had heard the whimpering howl of a young cub. Tonight there was no hint of youth in the air, no hint of anything but his future terror.

She stiffened and reached for her wand as someone walked through the brush towards her yard. Standing up, she pointed her wand ready to send a curse at whoever was foolish enough to walk in the woods during a full moon.

"Put it down girlie," Aberforth chuckled. "Ya hex me, ya lose ya best customer."

"Abs, you're going to be your own death, sneaking up on a person that way.

"Weren't sneaking. You heard me just fine." He stepped into the clearing and crossed over to her, sitting down and slapping the step next to him. "Might as well sit, going to be a long night."

She flopped next to him, snapping her head up as another anguished howl filled the night.

"He that little one, one hangs with the Black kid? The one always got his hands shoved in his pockets and looking like he swallowed the canary?"

"Yeah, that would be him," she looked at him from the corner of her eye, puzzled that he would be sitting here with her.

"Never heard the likes of that," he nodded to the north. "Figured it was what we spoke about, needed to make sure he's the one that needs watching."

"It's the wolf. He is taking his body, it happens again in the morning when Remus comes back."

"Nope, ain't heard that before." Aberforth leaned back, resting his elbows on the top step. "Can't imagine that little one having that happen. St. Mungo's used to let them die. Never thought that was right, but hearing this … don't know Rosie if I wouldn't do the same."

They sat until morning, Rosmerta fixing a pot of tea to stave off the cold, Aberforth accio-ing whiskey and dumping the tea from the cups as the sound of Remus' return filled the air. When the sun finally shone, and quiet followed Aberforth stood and stretched.

"Should have gotten to know that husband of your's, Rosie. May not have like him, don't get me wrong, but could have respected him."

She stood as he walked away, wrapping the shawl tighter, feeing the tears in her eyes, and knew Romulus would have liked the old man's honesty. Turning back inside, she began breakfast.

.

.

Madam Pomfrey waited by the tunnel until the sun was almost directly over head before she saw Remus' reach out of the tunnel and feel around for his clothes. She had not realized how nervous she was until she let out a long breath and ran to him. Stilling the Whomping Willow, she knelt down and peered into the darkness.

"It's okay lad, bit of a rough spot. Have to expect that." She stood up as he came crawling out, fighting to remain calm when she saw the backs of his hands grab the soil and pull him forward. "Best fix those hands up before we go back in."

She squatted down to run the wand over his hand. Concentrating on the wounds, she did not see his eyes that still held the look of the wolf, or see his other hand as it came up suddenly and pushed her away, sending her to the ground.

"Leave it!" He crawled forward, and then got up to a crouch, angrily snarling at her. "You lied. You all lied!"

"Remus," she stood up, clasping her hands behind her back to hide her shaking. "You are to dress and report to the infirmary at once."

"Fill out your own reports." He licked his lips, still crouching, leaning forward on his knuckles.

"We need to talk about what…"

"No! I don't want to talk about it. Never again! Do you hear me?"

"You know the rules."

"No! I used to know them. I used to keep my end of it. But they lied to me," he said, his voice beginning to crack.

"How did they lie?" Poppy squatted down to put herself on eye level with the wolf, not wanting to be seen as trying to take an alpha position in case the wolf was still here.

"They said if I tried he wouldn't get my mind, that I could keep being me," his voice hitched with his sobs, and Poppy knew the wolf had gone.

She sat down on the ground and pulled him into her lap. "Shhh, lad. That is the worst of it."

"I don't want it to happen again, make it stop, please make it stop," he hung onto her, crying into her neck. "Don't make me. I'll be good. I promise."

"Ah Lad," she said sadly. "If I could take it away from you and put it on myself I would. You are a good boy. Never, never think for a moment that this is your fault. Do you hurt now?" She felt him shake his head. "Hold out your arms, let's get rid of those teeth marks. We have to find you something else to chew on."

He dutifully pulled up his sleeves and raised his pant legs, and then sat still while she repaired the side of his face that was scraped and showed signs of being dug at with claws.

"I can't do your pictures," he said, as he stood up, watching her scramble up after him. "I don't remember. I don't remember it all. I don't even remember how my face got hurt. My Mum lied too. She said I could stay me if I tried really hard and I tried the hardest ever."

He turned and ran from her, his sobs cutting her. She knew he included her in the deception, and feared that this would be enough to send him home. She followed behind him up the path, he running to his dorm, she seeking out the Headmaster.

Remus ran up the steps to the castle and pounded down the hallways. He rounded the corner and collided with someone coming the opposite way sending them both sprawling onto the ground. He clawed to his knees, sucking in air, looking around at the parchments and books scattered on the floor.

"Leave them alone," Severus pushed him back when he reached out to pick up the parchments.

Severus pulled his wand and trained it on Remus, scowling and then cast an Accio, watching the papers swirl up to his hand. He smugly put his wand in his waistband and stood sneering down at Remus.

"I don't let anyone touch my notebooks, Lupin."

"I wasn't reading them, I was picking them up." He stood up, running a sleeve over his eyes.

"You crying?" Severus looked over his shoulder nervously, looking to see if one if the Professors had witnessed the accident. "You're not hurt, no more than I am. It was your fault you know. You knocked into me."

"Am not crying," he sniffed.

"Sure looks like it," he smirked, again looking down the hallway. "Go on now, before lesson is over. The Slytherins come down to the dungeons this way. Unless you want to be caught down here with them."

"Thanks," Remus started walking away, then stopped and turned around. "Sorry bout… you know."

"Get out of here kid," Severus smirked and walked away.

Remus continued on to his dorm and ran to the shower, tossing off his dirty clothing as he went. He wanted the hot water to soothe his back and ease the pain that still lingered in his chest. He put his face to the showerhead and cried until he sat on the floor of the shower unable to control it any longer. He leaned against the tile and watched the water run down the drain, watching the soapsuds rise to the top as if fighting to get away. His eyes grew heavy and with a deep sigh he slipped in to that place just this side of sleep.

"Remus?" Sirius knelt down next to him. "Remus? You want me to get Madam Pomfrey?"

Remus looked up groggily adjusting his eyes and getting his bearings. Then took the towel out of Sirius hands and got up onto his knees to tie it around his waist.

"No, I …I …no," he stood up and pushed past Sirius, having no excuse for sleeping on the shower floor.

"What happened?"

"Nothing."

Sirius grabbed him by the elbow and pushed him to the mirror over the sink, lifting his eyes to his reflection Remus saw the marks of the wolf still clear on his skin.

"Now," Sirius stood next to him, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "What happened?"

"I had to go home, my Mum…"

"Bloody hell," Sirius smirked. "No one believes she gets sick all the time. If she were that sick you would have stayed home this term."

"Let me go Black, just stay out of it. It's none of your business anyway." Remus pulled away from him and went out to their room to get clean clothes.

Sirius watched him, studying the angry red welts that ran down Remus' back, grimacing at his swollen shoulders. He saw Remus' intake of breath as he tried to put on his shirt, and stepped up, holding the armholes open for him. Crinkling his nose he looked at the clothes on the floor, and smelled damp earth and blood.

"Did that new dad of yours have a go at you?"

"No," Remus spat. "He would never… no."

Remus walked to the window, keeping his back to Sirius to hide his face that was on the verge of crumbling again.

"Here," Sirius stepped in front of him and began to button his shirt, looking from the buttons up to Remus' face, and back down to the buttons. "My Dad sent me some books. They're on the desk if you want to look at them."

Remus nodded, sucking in his lower lip.

"I told him about the one you got, on the wolves." Sirius saw Remus' eyes snap up and lock with his. "It's sort'ta like your book, but …"

"Shut up Black!" Remus slapped his hands away from his shirt. "It's not like mine. I got mine in a Muggle store and your family wouldn't go there. I know what you have, and it's not like mine at all."

"No, but you are. You're just like it shows in the book."

Remus took a step backwards and swallowed hard. Trying to read Sirius' face, tying to find his wand.

"Quick," Sirius picked up Remus' trousers and held them up for Remus to step into. "Shite, hurry up before everyone gets up here."

Remus looked up into Sirius eyes and could not fathom what he saw. He had never had a friend to trust so completely and utterly as Sirius seemed to expect him to. He could count on one hand those that he felt safe with, and with the pain of the last transformation still on him, and discovery inches a way, he knew the decision he made was right.

Nodding he lifted up his leg and slid it into his trousers, quickly changing legs and putting on the other leg, he let Sirius push him down on the bed and throw a blanket over him.

"Hey, James," Sirius ran to the door, flicking his wand at Remus' clothes that lay scattered on the floor. "I told you he was sleeping. Come on, we can still make lunch."

"What about him?" Peter's voice floated up the stairs.

"Nah, let him sleep. I think he just got in." Sirius thundered down the stairs.

Remus waited until he heard the portrait slide shut before crawling out of bed and getting Sirius' book. He sat on the floor, holding it open in the diamond of his crossed legs and began to read. He saw the first picture of a solitary wolf and hurriedly flipped the pages needing to see the pictures of a wolf with a pack. He needed to see cubs and know that he was not a full-grown wolf, not like he saw on each page. Not like he had felt take him in the shack. He needed to know more. More than what he saw, more than the horrors of what he could do. He needed to know the why, and in knowing the why thought to change it.


	20. Blood Brothers

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 20**

**Blood Brothers**

* * *

Remus sat at the end of the long house table. He had missed classes the whole day and showed up at the hall for dinner only to see the older years sitting in groups. He was nervous about what Sirius would tell the others, or if his secret was safe. His stomach rolled as a wave of fear washed over him, causing him to push back his plate and take shallow breaths.

"Here." Lily Evans tossed a sheet of parchment on the table as she lifted her leg to step over the bench and sit next to him. "I heard your mum was sick again, so I took notes for you. Professor Slughorn just had a review today, and the rest didn't really cover anything new, just History but if you read the book you know it already."

"I sometimes think Binns holds lessons all summer." Remus tried to joke.

"Maybe he teaches the ghosts. You know, like Myrtle," she said, nodding and gave a small laugh. "Listen, move on down the table, you don't have to be alone. Sit with us."

"Nah, I'm waiting for James. He usually makes it down first."

"Then I better get going," she sighed. "He is such a prat, you know? He's been teasing one of my roommates because of the accident in transformations last week. He thinks he's perfect or something."

"He's just like that. I don't think he means anything by it," Remus shrugged.

"Yeah, well I don't care how much money he has or how old his family is, he doesn't have any right to go around like he is above everyone else. If anyone is likely to expect special privileges, it would be Black."

"Sirius?"

_Phineas Nigellus Black_ was his Great Grandfather, or maybe Great-Great, _anyway_, he was Headmaster here, and that alone would give him bragging rights, but I bet he hasn't even told you.'' She stood up and climbed back over the bench. "If you change your mind you're welcome to join us. Bring Peter, just dump that Potter idiot."

"Thanks, but I think I'll wait here," he muttered to her back as she walked away.

He knew James teased. He had felt the boy's cutting tongue himself more than once, and Peter sometimes would stay back from the joking and teasing, looking at James fearing he would be next. Then the next day James would start talking with them, pitching in and helping them make their beds because his was already done with his own, or sharing his Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans or chocolates his mother had sent him by morning owl, all angry words and teasing forgotten.

Sirius had shown James and Peter his new books, and passed around the book on werewolves. In the Astronomy Tower as they lay on the floor the last night of term after the feast, he had even announced his Animagus form would be a wolf. Laughing and punching Peter in the arm and bragging that even in his animal form he could beat his arse.

"Why would you want to do that?" James snorted. "I want to be something grand, not a wolf."

"I don't know." Sirius rested on his elbow. "I thought I could keep Remus company. It may be fun to run the woods and have every one afraid to follow."

"You want to be a wolf too?" Peter sat up and looked at Remus oddly. "I didn't think anyone would ever want to be one of _those_."

"Idiot," Sirius laughed and rolled his eyes. "He's already werewolf, he can't be a regular wolf."

"Go on," James sat up. "You did it? You can change?"

Remus scrambled to his feet glaring at Sirius. He had lied, he had told. Now everyone would know, and Dumbledore wouldn't let him come back. His breath came in short gasps, he stepped backward, knowing that James and Peter would start with taunts and barbs, before telling him to get out. His chin began to tremble as tears filled his eyes.

"Now whose the idiot, Potter? He's a werewolf, a real one, right?" Peter said proud to catch on to the truth before James.

"Yeah, right kid?" Sirius smirked. "Sit down will ya? Ya look like you're going to cry or something. Don't be such a sissy."

Remus stepped back to where he had been sitting and lowered himself back to the floor, looking from face to face, then seeing Sirius smile, he relaxed enough to start breathing evenly.

"You're shitting me," James tried to keep his voice steady as he looked at Sirius and back at Remus.

"Is that what happened down on your farm? Gramms said not even a stupid Muggle farmer could fall off a loft like that. Said it sounded more like your mum pushed him or something. Then when she heard you had a new father she said…"

"Take it back," Remus jumped back up and clenched his fists. "My Mum never did no such thing! I saw it! Mum was in the house!"

"Thought you said you fell too?" James stood with Remus, unsure what to say, watching Sirius who just sat with his eyes on Remus, a small grin playing on his mouth.

"Didn't mean I thought it too, it's just what she said." Peter pouted. "Anyway, it don't make no difference to me. My Mum tries to hex my dad all the time."

Remus watched James sit back down and studied him carefully. "The Headmaster says if it gets out I have to leave. He hushed it up so I'm not registered and Mum said if I have to register it's like I'm not a person anymore."

"What do you mean not a person?" James questioned.

"I can't go to school, or live near other people and they … they do things. Like they have this potion but some of it isn't good and even St. Mungo's don't use it because if it's a bad batch, or the person that brewed it doesn't like people like me … it would kill me."

"They have to go down to the Ministry and have a yearly check, only it's not a Healer, it's a vet," Sirius said, still watching Remus. "What ya say Peter? Should we keep his secret?"

"Yeah, sure… I already said I don't care. Remus? Was your dad a werewolf too?"

Remus shook his head, and sat back down in the circle. "Greyback killed him, but he got two of them before he … that's when Greyback got me, then my Mum came and I think it was getting light… and… I don't know. I woke up in St. Mungo's and the Headmaster came and sorted things out for me."

"James?" Sirius didn't need to ask the question, it already hung in the air.

Potter reached in his pocket and dug out a penknife. "Give me your hand."

Remus saw Sirius sit up and grin, waving Peter closer and pulled out a penknife of his own. He jabbed the tip of the blade into his index finger with a wince, then did the same to Peter. Holding his hand out, Remus allowed James to draw blood, and then he saw him turn the knife to his own finger.

The four boys each held up their index fingers and grinning pressed them together. It was a childhood ritual older than memory, taken by boys both Muggle and magical for generations to seal their bond. Remus grinned and began to answer their questions, excited to at last be able to talk about himself and share his story.

.

.

Minerva stood on the landing, listening to the boys and wondering what she should do. It was too late in term to give detentions for breaking curfew, and if she were to order them back to their room, they would know she had heard them.

She heard Remus' voice, and for the first time heard his uncontrolled excitement. He was such a quiet boy, reserved and shy with others his own age, always afraid of discovery. Now here he sat like any other twelve year old, sharing stories with friends, even bragging a little at what he went through.

She heard James' acceptance without teasing or threatening to take the information to the Headmaster and felt a surge of pride in her house. Never would she have thought Potter capable of the compassion she could hear in his voice, and his gently leading questions.

_Peter_, she thought. Poor Peter with a family at odds, unwanted, and about to spend the summer tucked away at a distant cousin's house. He needed the last night of term to be happy, to give him some fond memories to take with him. She snorted knowing that his nose would be buried in books learning how to change into his Animagus form. Studying always came hard for him, but not due to lack of trying. Once he understood the concept, she knew his magic would let him change quickly and easily. She thought that if he were first, his pride might lend him the confidence he so sorely lacked.

The sorting hat had placed Black in Gryffindor. At the time, Minerva had questioned the decision and had gone as far as to take her concerns to Albus. Now, after hearing how he orchestrated the revealing of Remus' affliction, she smiled and turned to go back downstairs. If Phineas did not also have a portrait in the House of Black, she would have delighted in telling him the story of his Great-Great Grandson befriending a werewolf and outing him in a very Slytherin way. _No_, she thought, the hat had put him exactly where he was needed.

The next morning the four boys packed and promised to owl each other through the summer. Sirius walked with Remus to the train, Peter and James following close behind, James teasing Lily Evans who had bought so much in Hogsmeade she could no longer carry her backpack but dragged it behind her.

"Leave her alone," Severus' voice sounded behind James.

"What's it to you?" James smirked.

Severus handed Lily his backpack, then struggled to hoist her's up on his back. "Find a compartment. I'll pick it back up when we get to London."

She nodded and giving James a dirty look scampered off to do as Severus asked, glad to have help having been worried that she would break the presents she had cramped into her bag.

"Git," James sneered. "Leave it to the Slytherin to butt in. Did you get a look at his hair? It looks like he slathered something on it."

"Come on," Remus said nervously, not wanting to spend the whole day on personal traits of the Slytherin students, knowing Potter hated them over most other houses. "If we don't find a compartment we will have to share."

"What's the matter with you?" James sneered. "Your time of the month? You sound like a girl."

"Watch it…"Sirius started.

"I am joking!" James laughed. "Come on Moony, let's find that compartment."

They found one empty and soon had stored their carry cases, owls and backpacks and opened the sack of candy that James brought for every trip. Remus no longer hurried to take his position by the window and for the first time felt free to join in the horseplay, pushing James into his seat as the train lurched as it pulled out of the station.

"Cut it out Moony," he laughed. "Grab my bag from under your seat Peter. I nicked something I got to show you."

Sirius scooted to the edge of his seat waiting to see what James had, while Remus leaned back, at odds at wanting to see but knowing it was wrong to steal. He eyed Peter who easily picked up the bag and tossed it to James.

"Where'd you get it?" Remus said uncertainly watching James pull out a book.

"McGonagall left it in the Tower. She must have been up there and set it down. So it's not like I really nicked it, more like I found it." James justified having what he held in his hands. "It's old, I think it was hers, see… notes in the margins and everything."

"For changing? No shit!" Sirius reached out and grabbed the book. "Look at this, no wonder we couldn't get it right before. James, you don't just change into any old thing, you have to pick the one you want and once you start the change you can't change. It's not like you can flip back and forth."

"What?" Peter blanched. "Let me see that." He grabbed the book from Sirius.

"It's like transfiguration," he mused. "See told you I really had whiskers… only there's more to it. This whole bloody book is on how to do it."

"So what whiskers were you going for?" Remus asked grinning.

"Shut up Remus!"

James started laughing. "What did you think about? A fox? Nah, you wouldn't be upset to be a fox. I know, a squirrel like a girl would do. Peter the sissy squirrel, or maybe a cute little shrew."

"Was not," Peter threw the book back. "A rat, okay, I thought of a rat because I just wanted to get the whiskers right."

Remus reached and grabbed Peter's arm, as Peter jumped up, afraid his friend would next hurl himself at James. "It's a good animal, really it is." Remus reddened seeing Sirius' smirk. "You can get into really small places, and hide if you have to."

"Yeah," Peter said smugly. "A rat isn't so bad. I would rather be a rat than a sissy cat like McGonagall."

"What are you going to do this summer?" Sirius asked looking at Remus. "We need to practice changing, what about you?"

"You remember that spell I showed you? The one I learned when John took me hunting? I thought I would make him teach me the rest of it. I bet he knows a ton, he is an Auror and all."

"The spell will only work if we know where the person is. Took us for ever to find that bloody owl and we knew it was there." James laughed. "Some spell, we will know when McGonagall is coming and will run smack into her getting away."

"Yeah, well my Dad, I mean John, John will tell me how to do it, that or Moody. They are both Aurors you know," Remus said proudly.

"Alastor Moody?" Sirius frowned. "You know Moody? My father says he's not to be trusted, not that my father trusts any Aurors, but Moody less than most."

Remus shrugged. "He's always been okay to me and my Mum. He helped us, you know the night Greyback came. He's a friend of my Mum's"

"He knows about you?" James asked.

"Yeah, he calls it my furry problem," Remus grinned. "Really, he's okay."

"Is he the one that looks like they sewed his face on wrong?" Peter asked.

"Gross," James laughed. "He hasn't turned you in?"

"No," Remus said, looking from face to face. "He's not like that I tell you. He even calls the Headmaster by his first name."

Sirius sat back and grinned. "Wait until I tell you how he really lost half his arse. I heard it from my Dad, and it wasn't how he wants everyone to think it was."

"Yeah?" James grinned.

"Yeah, seems he had this witch, only she was married already. Told Moody they were separated, but no one told her husband…"

The rest of their trip was spent listening to Sirius and James share stories about Moody's loss of body parts. They soon turned their stories to the Slytherin house and began to compare notes on Malfoy and Mulciber, two families Sirius was quite familiar with. Peter told of his own father's invitations to the grand manors, and bragged about his family's rise in social standing now that his dad had switched political parties.

Remus grew quiet as the train approached London. These names were not part of his circle. They were names his mother said to be wary of. He saw Sirius nervously watch James and cringe when Peter mentioned the one named Riddle. He made a mental note to ask John who these people were and if they were the same ones the Headmaster warned about. He turned to see darkness beginning to fall outside the compartment's window and sighed, knowing his time of freedom was almost up.

The Hogwarts Express made its way back to 9 ¾'s just as it was completely dark, the boys still talking and joking non-stop. Remus stood at the window and looked for his Mum. Finally seeing her standing next to John, his arm around her shoulder, he felt a fleeting pang of loss, and wished it were his father standing with her, waiting for him to come home.

John saw him first. His face breaking into a wide smile as he tugged Rhea down the platform toward the car Remus was in. Remus waved through the glass as he proudly pointed out his new father to his friends, and smiled back, waving to his mother.

.

.

When the train had pulled out of the station in Hogsmeade, Minerva had gone straight away to the Tower to make sure they had found the book. Sighing in relief, she turned to seek out Albus. Remus had made it through his first two years but if he were going any further, they would need a new plan, a plan that would not put Madam Pomfrey in danger, a plan that would ensure the students' safety.

"You do know what you are suggesting?" Albus scowled and peered over his spectacles. "We would not only be harbouring a werewolf, but hiding three underaged and unregistered Animagi."

"They will do it anyway Albus, you know they will. We can either put a stop to it, although I don't know how, or we can make sure they are safe."

"We can stop it easily, Minerva."

"You have as of yet been unable to stop Black from even raiding the kitchen, or curtailed Potter's midnight broom rides," she scoffed. "You will not take this away from the Lupin boy. He does the best he can. Have you seen the condition he comes back in every month? Have you seen what he does to keep himself from leaving that damned hole we shove him through, into a shack without a door or a window? It breaks my heart to see such a bright child suffer so. And if you think for one moment you can stand up to Rhea then you are delusional." By the time she was done with her rant she was leaning over the desk, shaking her finger at Albus' face

He chuckled and popped a sweet in his mouth, sucking it silently until Minerva pulled herself up, brushed her robes off and calmly sat. "Now that you have made your position clear my dear, you must allow me to share my thoughts."

"Please, none of your platitudes."

"No," he laughed at her. "Remus and I had a long talk earlier this year. I find he has reached a certain … let us call it a certain maturity … well beyond his normal years. He will, if not this summer then surely in the spring, most assuredly want to answer to a different type of call. A call I would prefer he not satisfy."

"I read his file Albus, I cannot say I approve of giving a child vitex at such a young age.

"A wolf, Minerva. We are not giving it to a child, but to a wolf, a wolf that in the wild would be quite old enough to form his own pack. If his new friends can keep him otherwise occupied, I will agree with you that we should perhaps allow this. They must not know they are being watched. The fear of discovery is a much sterner warning than you or I could deliver. Let them … sneak. If I remember my student days, third year boys are very good at _sneaking_. They will not venture far if they are worried of discovery."

"And in the meantime you will continue to allow your mediwitch to ply him with Monk's Pepper?"

"In the meantime he will be dosed with certain teas that include not only Vitex agnus-castus but certain healing properties. Wolvesbane is not safe, and until such time that a proper potion can be found, and brewed by someone I trust I will not risk it. Nor will I trust what the Ministry offers to their …" he waved his hand, unable to say aloud what he meant to.

"Half breeds? Animals? Beasts? Is that the division werewolves are now regulated under?" She sighed and stood. "They have a summer and my notes. I am sure that young Mr. Pettigrew will be able to accomplish his mission. He had chosen a rather small creature."

"Dare I ask?" Albus chuckled.

"A rat."

"Quite useful in tight places and knotholes in willows do you not think?" Albus peered over his spectacles and grinned.

"You old codger! You suggested it!"

"I merely mentioned in passing one day, I believe it was in the halls and he happened to overhear my conversation, that a rat's whiskers were by far the most sensitive. Wonderful creatures rats. Did you know they are one of the few animals that have the capacity to laugh when tickled?"

"How long have you known of their plans?" She lifted her head and sniffed down at him.

"All boys dream of doing something not done before," he said, popping another sweet into his mouth. "It is not just our young Mr. Lupin who is broken, Minerva. If it were, this would not have gone on for as long as it has. However, I do believe it will be most beneficial for Mr. Potter as well. He too needs to learn he is not who he sees when he looks in the mirror, and learn how to live with others."


	21. The Rat

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 21**

**A Rat**

* * *

Remus lay on his stomach peeking out from under the lowest branch of the thorn-bush hedge that separated the cottage from the barn and the fields beyond. His cheeks held fresh scratches, and three thorns poked painfully into his back as his hands held the prickly stems high enough for him to see the path. He did not move and barely breathed. If John found him, there would be hell to pay, but all he needed to do was to reach the bottom of the road that ran to the south. Mum had told him to stay home, sort'a. "_I don't think it is a good idea_," is really what she'd said when Remus had asked. It may not be a good idea, Remus thought, but she had not said to stay home. Not for sure, not as if she really meant for him to stay home, just that it was not a good idea.

Seeing John's feet kicking up small billowy puffs of dust as he walked by on his way to the barn, Remus held his breath. He waited for the sound of the door's squeaky hinge, then seized the chance and began to run. Once he rounded the curve in the road, and knew he could not be seen from the barn, he smiled widely and slowed his downhill flight slightly.

Sirius waited at the bottom of the hill, hovering on his broom a few inches off the ground, periodically kicking his toes into the ground and pushing up, then sinking down to do it again. The sun was high overhead, and Sirius was impatient. Mrs. Potter had the best lunches and he didn't want to be late.

"Hey?" He frowned seeing Remus on foot. "Where's your broom?"

"My Dad locked it up." He shrugged. "Mum told him it was my fault the cows aren't giving milk again."

"You got to stop doing that," Sirius snorted and scooted forward, making enough room for Remus to climb on the back. "Potter's Mum is letting us meet there. You ever been down to Godrics?"

"Long time ago, is Peter coming?" He leaned into Sirius back as the broom climbed up, to keep the colder sea air off his face.

"Nah, his folks are fighting again and he's stuck at his Gramms. His cousin said he was too much bother and his mum and dad don't want him for the summer." Sirius called over his shoulder. "Course, we could stop by and snag him. You know where it is?"

"I can take you to where I used to live, I don't think the wards were changed, so bet I can still find it, but we have to land on my side of the river and walk in." He reached over Sirius shoulder and pointed the way. "It's about an hour from here, but just outside of Godric."

"Done." Sirius grinned, banking the broom and leaning forward to pick up speed. "He'd better have his own broom."

Remus watched the ground, leaning on Sirius to cut down on the buffeting wind on his face. He at last recognised the landscape below him, and again pointed the way. They followed the stream that flowed to the edge of the two properties and seeing the place where he and Peter used to swim, he told Sirius they would have to set down there.

"Hey, why don't you go on up there and get him. I want to look at the old place."

Sirius looked at him oddly, and then suddenly understanding he nodded. "That's where Greyback killed him isn't it?"

"Yeah, it's … it was my Dad's place. We had to sell…"

"I'll get Peter, meet you up the road." He nodded up the hill toward the Lupin's old place.

Remus took off at a slow run, intending to take a look and move on, only wanting to see the barn to see if it would help him remember his father's face. It was getting harder to remember. Harder to remember the smell of the barn and the way the sun filtered into the kitchen. He wondered briefly if the spring on the door was still fixed, or if it had broken again, and again rang out like a gunshot each time it slammed shut.

"Thought this is where you would be."

Remus snapped his head up from the dirt path and looked at John.

"How'd you know?" he said meekly. "I only wanted to, you know, I wanted to see my friends."

"Thought you may need this. It will give you time to think on the way." John brought out Remus' broom from behind his back. "You get along home now. We will talk when you get back."

"No." Remus stood firm. "I am going with Sirius Black. We are going to see James, his Mum invited us."

"You know what happens tonight, and you know what can happen if you are late." John said roughly. "You want to put your friends in danger?"

"No sir, but I can be home in plenty of time."

"Boy, you are late for dinner almost every day, how can I count on you being on time for something this important?" John watched Remus shrug his shoulders and kick the dirt with his dirty trainer. "Doesn't this Potter kid live up at Godric? What if you are recognised? Don't you think…"

"No one knows me. When I visited Grams she kept me inside, no one would know who I am, and even if they did so what?"

"I am not concerned about the Muggles boy, I am concerned about the pure-bloods. Godric is full of fools. I don't want you there, that's final. Unless I have assurances that you are safe you are not going."

"He'll be safe." Sirius lowered his broom to the ground, followed by Peter. "Mrs. Potter makes us stay inside, sir. She would never let us up there unless she could trust us."

"You must be Black." John looked him over. "Lot like your father, but I see your mother too."

"Less like him than you think, sir," Sirius said, as he slid off his broom. "You see sir, we want Moony to be there. We plan on doing some studying over the summer we thought he could help with."

Remus held his breath as his new nickname slid off Sirius tongue and hung in the air. He saw John's face become hard, his jaw clench tight and knew if he had been Sirius he would have just earned a whole summer in his room.

"I see," John said so softly Remus knew the back of his hand was getting ready to fly.

Remus had only ever see John this angry once before and cringed knowing he was at that place again. The day in Diagon when a piece of fudge had found its way into Remus' pocket and he could not think of a good enough reason for the small miracle of suddenly appearing candy, he had tasted knuckles before being dragged back in the shop and forced to apologize.

John's eyes turned from Sirius to Peter who stood nervously by the side of the road, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but in front of Dawlish. "Boy, you Pettigrew's son?"

"Yes, sir," he squeaked, knowing if Remus was in trouble he would be next.

"Whose idea was this?" John now bore down on Remus.

"No one's." Remus shrugged his shoulders and peeked up at John.

"Mine." Sirius stepped forward, placing himself between John and Remus. "You see we just thought about Remus being up there all by himself and thought it may be fun to get him."

"Who is Moony?" John asked, stepping to the side and watching Remus' face.

"Our friend, sir." Sirius did not back down, and stepped to the side as well. "We thought today would be a good day to keep his mind off things."

John snapped his eyes back to Sirius and then took in Peter's hunched shoulders and lowered head. Rounding on Remus he clenched his fists and took a step forward.

"No, Dad," Remus said quickly. "They found out. I didn't tell 'em. They just found out."

"You were careless, you…"

"No, Dad." Remus backed up at the same time Sirius shouted, "No, it's my fault, really. I got this book and guessed."

"You guessed?" John said incredulously.

"No, Dad." Remus put his arm across Sirius' chest and shook his head. "It was bad and I left my clothes and stuff on the floor when I got in the shower. It was real bad that time and he helped me. He helped me Dad."

John nodded, and swallowed hard. He had seen Remus the last time the moon was full. He had heard not only the screams and howls but the bone grating on bone and had left Rhea watching him as he had left to vomit behind the barn.

"It's getting better, at least the coming back part is. But I couldn't move my hands Dad, I couldn't do my buttons and he helped me, even helped me get on my trousers."

John nodded again and reached up to Sirius shoulder, giving it a squeeze, before glaring at Remus. "So now you have to tell your mother your secret is out."

"She'll blame me." Peter blanched. "She'll think because I lived 'cross the river I knew and ratted him out."

"Ratted him?" Sirius smirked. "I thought you were going to rat with him tonight."

"Shut up, Black," Peter sniggered.

"So, anyway," Sirius said. "We know. See? We know he has to be back. We'll make sure he gets back in plenty of time. We got to right? I mean if we don't it will be our arses that get hung out. Right?"

"Language, Mr. Black." John felt his lip twitch as a sense of relief lightened the air. "Remus, just this once I will tell your mother I gave you permission to go with your friends. I will also tell her I allowed this because you promised to never, never leave on the day of a full moon again. Am I clear?"

"Yes, sir." He grinned and reached for his broom.

"No." John pulled the broom back and grinned at Sirius. "I think Mr. Black deserves to deliver you himself. If you are late, it is not a mistake he is apt to repeat. Do you agree, Mr. Black?"

"I'll have him back in time." Sirius swung his leg over his broom and nodded to Peter to do the same, no fear in his voice. "Come on … Moony."

Remus looked at John and slipped onto the back of the broom, unable to read the man's face. He didn't know if he had hell to pay when he got home, or if this was one of those times his mother would cry and wring her hands and John would stand behind her and put his finger to his lips telling him to be quiet.

"He seems like he's an okay guy," Sirius called back over his shoulder as they sped out of John's sight. "Thought he was going to trash you there for a moment."

"Nah," Remus tried to sound confident. "He don't hit, not really."

"Peter's does. You see how green he got? Thought he was going to puke on you dad's shoes."

Remus chuckled, craned his neck to see in front of Sirius and saw Peter flying upside down. "He's nutters."

"Yeah?" Sirius laughed. "Hang on."

Soon Sirius, like Peter, was speeding to the ground, upside down, their legs wrapped around the broom and Remus holding on to Sirius cursing at the boy in front of him.

"Bloody hell, Black. I got nothing to hold onto back there." He seethed as they came to a landing.

"Ah shut up, Lupin," Sirius chided. "If you want I'll let you in the front on the way back."

"He can use my broom." Peter grinned widely. "Come on, we got to show you."

"Nah, I smell lunch. James' Mum always fixes fish-n-chips when I come. Just like the Muggles fix. Put's vinegar on it too, not that lemon like they got in Diagon."

"My Mum used to take me to the Muggle places when we went to the museums," Remus said. "One place, they ate eels."

"Did not," Sirius laughed as he shrunk down his broom, tucked it in his pocket and reached out, took Peter's and did the same.

"We are going to get caught," Remus whined. "Why'd ya go use magic? Brooms are bad enough, but with 'em moving it's one thing, but plain old magic is going to get us caught."

"Black's do what they want." He laughed. "It's just the … just some that still can't use under-age magic. Dad has a charm he uses. Lots of the kids use it. Peter may be able to real soon. From what my dad says, his dad joining Riddle's club too."

"Come on, Black." Peter headed over the low rise in the field. "We are going to be late."

"How far?" Remus asked.

Peter raised his hand and pointed across the field. "There, the white house, on the left. We come this way cuz we can use the back door."

Remus looked to his right, and saw the cemetery where his dad must be buried. Looking at the chapel he had knelt in on Sundays he lifted his eyes and tried to see his grandmother's house that should be about three streets up.

"Muggles." Sirius said. "That side of town is mostly Muggle now. Never used to be, but it's a place a lot of mudbloods and mixed couples live. There are a few old families, like yours and Potter's. Only the old Muggles live on that side."

Remus looked at him oddly and saw him shrug. "I'm a Black."

"What's that mean?" Remus hurried to catch up with him and Peter.

"It means you get your summers free and I get lessons on what it means to be pure. Now hurry up, I'm hungry."

.

.

Rhea was furious, with Remus as well as John. She warded her bedroom door and started pulling her clothes out of the cupboard shrinking them down and packing them into a sack that she then shrunk in turn. Shoving it into her pocket, she unwarded the door and opened it, intending to pack Remus' room next. She found John sitting on the hall floor, twirling his wand in his fingers, patiently waiting.

"You are not stopping me," she hissed.

"Wouldn't think of it, my dear." He waved his hand toward Remus' room. "He shouldn't have much left. Took most of it up to Hogwarts."

She stomped into her son's room and again warded the door closed behind her. She started to shrink his bedding, then looked to the top of his desk and saw the framed picture of Anthony. He smiled, waved and turned to look at someone just out of range of the camera's lens, then smiled, waved and turned again. She felt her breath hitch, knowing it was her he was looking at and Remus that had taken the picture. She flicked her wand at it and levitated it to the sack she had designated for Remus.

When she finished she strode to the kitchen, ignoring John who still waited on the hallway floor, and began to take what she needed. Turning to the sitting room, she found her way blocked as John now stood leaning in the doorway.

"What confuses me at the moment is that you are packing your own things rather than mine."

"Shut up." She tried to push him out of the way only to have him grab her arms.

"If my wife is leaving me I have the right to know why."

"You know why."

"No, I am afraid I don't. I don't understand how you think you can take my son from here."

"He is not yours," she spat. "He is mine and I won't lose him. Not him, I won't lose another one."

"He is my son now, Rhea. I told you that when we started this. I take you I take your kid."

"You let him go off. You left him with those kids. Don't you know what can happen? You just lost any chance you had to be his father!"

"Yes, I think I do know what can happen. He can start acting like a boy again. Rhea, when I first caught him I wanted to throttle him. I could have taken off my belt and beat him within an inch of his life. Do you understand? Do you understand that it would not have solved anything, no more than running away will?"

"He was never like this before. He never, never disobeyed me. Then you came along and …"

"He is growing up! He is a boy! He's not going to be content sitting at your fucking knee making tea! He has to learn how to be a boy first if you ever expect him to be a man."

"If he gets a chance to, if you don't get him killed first. You don't understand what it is to lose a son. You never had one, you don't understand!"

"No, Rhea." He released her arms and stepped back. "I guess you are right. I must not understand."

He walked to the door and took his robes off the hook. "I will send for my things. You can't leave here. In case you have forgotten he needs the barn."

She heard the sound of apparation before slumping into one of the kitchen chairs. He didn't understand. He would never understand. She took the sacks back upstairs and put her and Remus' things back then started to pack John's clothes. She had never noticed how little he had, or how few personal items he had brought into her life. Wondering if he still had his place in Diagon, she put his things in the back of the cupboard, she would have them ready when he sent for them.

That night Rhea sat in the far corner of the barn and watched her son, for the second time seeing him as she had seen Marcus. She leaned her head back against the rough wooden wall as Remus paced from one end of his tether only to have it snap him back and send him pacing in the opposite direction. His yellow eyes held nothing of the boy she knew. This was the wolf, the full-grown vicious wolf that he would now and forever after become. She watched as he lowered his head and looked at the back door, and then raised his head to sniff the air.

Leaning forward to better see the door she thought she saw a shadow, blocking out for just a moment the sight of the moon. Gripping her wand tightly, she raised up onto her feet, staying in a low crouch. She saw John slip in, stand against the wall, squat down, and pull what appeared to be a small rat from his pocket. She watched him release it to the floor and grin, looking over to her and winking.

Without waiting for more, she stood and ran to him, letting her arms go around his waist and her head fall to his shoulder. "I love you John Dawlish but sometimes you make me so angry I want to scream."

"I know," he sighed. "I'm still learning how to do this father thing."

"I didn't mean it." She pulled away far enough to look up at him. "Please, John. You have to believe I didn't mean it. I was scared. Those boys scare me."

He laughed and pulled her down to sit on the floor. "This is what that son of yours… of ours… has been up to. Watch."

The wolf lay on its belly, its head between its paws, snarling at the two sitting near the door, sniffing the air and smelling them. They were warm, and he could smell the female's saltiness. It whined and pulled against the chain, a low growl starting in its throat. Suddenly, Rhea saw a small brown rat run into the circle of light that surrounded Remus' tethering pole and nip at the tip of the wolf's tail. The wolf yelped, came to its feet and turned back to catch its own tail as the rat scurried outside of the light, circled around and came in for another nip at the wolf's front right paw.

The wolf let go of its tail and hopped sideways, tilting its head and whining, watching the rat scurry back out of sight. The rat came back into the light, just out of the wolf's reach and sat up on its haunches, its whiskers twitching. Rhea laughed as the rat rolled over on its back, and the wolf let out a bark, stepping quickly backwards, looking at it quizzically and lowering its head to push at it with its nose. The rat scrambled up and darted between the front legs of the wolf, causing it to drop its head and look back, under its own belly.

"John," she giggled. "Where ever did you find a rat that wouldn't run from him?"

"I didn't. He found me."

"How?"

"Peter." He pulled her back against his chest. "Do you still think his friends will fail him?"

"Peter sent you a trained rat?"

"No, Peter is a rat … I mean is _the_ rat."

"That's Peter?" she gasped and looked back as the rat ran around the pole, the wolf in hot pursuit, winding the tether shorter and shorter.

"Yup, that funny little kid that you think will turn on him. What do you think? You think I should beat them both with my belt?"

"No," she sighed. "Just me, Merlin, I was such a fool."

"No, if I wanted a submissive I would have gone after Peter's mom, I hear she likes …"

"Shut up." She reddened and looked back over at the rat and wolf. "Remus may not be able to hear you, but Peter can. You want him to think you are after his mother? Or that we … you know."

"Like kinky sex? Trust me. To kids that age any kind of sex their parents have is kinky."

The wolf was tied around the pole, giving the rat a chance to dart to the watering dish and lap up a few fast mouthfuls before it took off in the opposite direction, unwrapping the tether and letting the wolf again be as free as he was allowed to be.

"I think he needs his own water dish." Rhea stood up and started for the door.

"Stay here." John stood up with her. "You know better than to go out in a full moon. You also know better than to keep the door open."

Just then, they heard a yelp and turned back to see Peter nip at the Wolfs soft underbelly before running as fast as it could out of the circle of light and behind a bale of straw.

"Peter?" Rhea called. "Peter, come out. Are you hurt?"

"I got a problem, Mrs. Lupin." He peeked his head around the bale and crooked his finger at John.

"It's Mrs. Dawlish now," John smirked and shrugged of his robes. "Mrs. Dawlish, would you please turn around?"

Rhea grinned and faced the wall while John gave Peter his robe to wrap up in. "Left my clothes on your back step. I still have to figure out how to do it with clothes on. That's the tricky part the book says you got to transfigure your clothes at the same time."

"So, it _was_ your broom he came home on." Rhea folded her arms and scowled down at him. "You do know this isn't safe."

"Yeah, well… Sirius, he thought of that, so he said he would come and get me round midnight."

"And how does he plan to do that? Just thought I would ask since it is a full moon out tonight and both of you know better than to be running the country side."

"Side-a-long, Sirius does it really good."

"I didn't hear that." John rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Peter, you do know I am an Auror?"

"Yeah, but James said you couldn't be a real Auror, you know because of Remus and all."

Rhea snorted and put her hand over her mouth as she tried to hide her amusement watching John's face go from disbelief to anger and back to disbelief.

"You my little rat friend can tell Sirius and James in no uncertain terms that under-age magic applies to everyone."

Peter smiled and stood a little taller, proud to be called 'friend' by an adult. John looked at him sternly not understanding how Peter could stand in front of him grinning at the same time he was scolding him. Turning to Rhea, he held up his arms, palms up, pleading for help.

"Pete." she put her hands on his shoulders and smiled at him. "I want to thank you for playing with … Remus. For making this a little easier for him but it is dangerous. Not only for you, but for all you boys, and for Remus. If you get caught using magic, and you will, Remus will be found out."

"If we are careful…"

"No." Rhea shook her head. "You remember Remus' dad? You don't think he was careful going after a werewolf? Or me? And, still look what happened. Peter, when he is like this he is not Remus, he is the wolf. It's not like when you change. His mind changes too."

"The got potions and things that…"

"You said that Sirius is coming at midnight?" John stepped in to stop Rhea from starting on her social injustice rant with a just turned thirteen Hogwarts student.

"Yeah, he is meeting me up by the house, where I left my … shite."

"Exactly, Mr. Pettigrew. I could not have put it myself better." John frowned. "Rhea, as soon as we step outside, ward the door, and you Mr. Pettigrew are to stay with me, and stay close."

After Peter had left and John returned, they sat until sunlight when Remus began to return. John tipped up Rhea's face and kissed her softly.

"I should be going now."

"Why? John I told you I was sorry, that I didn't mean it."

"When I wasn't here, when Remus got back, what did you tell him?"

When Rhea turned away, unable to answer him he kissed the top of her head and stood up. "Thought as much. No Rhea, you explain yourself to him first. I won't put him between us. And I won't have him growing up thinking the only reason I am here is to fuck you. No, you listen…you told him why you sent me away, now you tell him why I am coming back. He has to hear it from you."

* * *

A/N: For the few that are reviewing I thank you...for those that are not.. now would be a good time... Thanks.

* * *


	22. An Apology and a Party

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 22**

**An Apology and a Party**

* * *

Remus grinned at his mother as she recounted the story of the wolf and the rat. He rubbed his arms feeling less pain, thinking it was better this time and wished he could remember what had happened. Peter had shown what he could do at the Potter's house and said he would come, only to find out he really did left Remus slightly in awe of having a real friend.

"I told him not to do it, but I am glad he did. Even if I don't remember it." Remus watched his Mum at the stove. "Can I have a cup of coffee instead of sweet tea?"

"Finish your juice first." She turned slightly and looked at him oddly. "I guess I could put a pot on."

"I got kind of used to it. John always let me have a cup with him."

"He did?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Is Moody coming out this summer?"

"Moody? I guess so. He usually drops by before you head back to Hogwarts. Why?"

"I want to make a map, you know like John was showing me how to do. I thought he could finish it up and show me the rest of it."

Rhea turned back to the stove. "I think you are old enough to use the floo by yourself. If you want to go see John, all you have to do is ask him. I am sure he would like to see you."

Remus snorted. "Yeah, right. Don't think so after what he did to you."

"Me?" She turned to him. "Remus, I told you. I jumped to the wrong conclusion. I was scared and thought … fuck..." She sat down heavily and hid her face in her hands. "I mucked it up."

"Mum?" Remus sat and stared at her.

"It was my fault. I told you, I went off the deep end and started yelling that he didn't know what it was like to … Remus, you understand I didn't mean it. I told him he didn't understand what it meant… or that … that he… "

"You told him he didn't want me? He didn't say it himself?"

"No, well… not exactly," she sighed. "I guess that's exactly what I did."

"I thought … I thought he hurt you."

"He did … he hurt my feelings. No, that's not even right. I just… I wanted you home and I was mad that he let you leave. I felt he had let me down by not dragging you home and keeping you…"

"So he didn't hit you?"

"Hit me? Where in the world did you ever get that idea?"

"You said you both overreacted, I figured you yelled at him until he …" Remus blanched and stood up. "I have to use the floo."

He hurried to the sitting room and looked at the empty spot where the box where the floo powder was kept. "Shite."

"Remus John Lupin, you watch your language."

"You just said the F word and I can't say shite?" he muttered as he dug in her desk drawer. "Mum, I really have to hurry."

"That's enough young man, what is the big…"

They both jumped and turned as the front door began to shake and then the pounding of a fist started.

"Shite! Mum, listen I thought… I mean I really thought he hit you."

Rhea grabbed her wand and ran to the door peeking out the window and saw John glaring back at her. "Let me in witch. I need to talk to that four legged thing you call son. If he can sit down when I leave I swear he'll be lucky!"

"Remus?" she turned and whispered. "What did you do now?"

"Umm, well, I was going to apologise, really I was Mum," he muttered, looking at her to the floo and back to the door. "How about if I run over to Peter's house? You know, give you time to talk."

"You will stay right where you are young man!" she hissed as she pulled the door open.

John pushed her out of his way and strode over to Remus, grabbed him by the collar and pushed him roughly onto the sofa. "You sit. You make one move out of this house and I will hunt you down. I will hunt you down and make sure you can never, do you hear me? Never use magic again." He yanked the floo powder box out of Remus' hands and rounded on Rhea.

"Do you know what he did? Do you have any idea?"

"Remus?" Rhea stepped around John to watch her son squirm as he tried to get comfortable.

"I was coming to tell you I didn't mean it. I meant it at the time, but not now." He swallowed hard watching his stepfather's face grow even harder, if that were possible.

"John?"

"A howler. He sent me a howler. I'm right there in the middle of the Leaky Cauldron, eating breakfast, and he sends me a howler!"

Rhea covered her mouth, her eyes large and ran into the kitchen. "There, see what you did to her, boy? You made her cry!"

Sounds of muffled laughter came from the kitchen. "Yes, sir," Remus looked right at him, locking his eyes on John's, ignoring the sounds his mother was making, knowing that they both heard them.

John swallowed, his eyes flicking toward the kitchen, the air leaving his lungs in a long drawn out sigh, and his hand going to the bridge of his nose. "Why? Just tell me why."

"Sir?" Remus squeaked.

"Why did you think I would hurt your mother?"

"Peter says his dad always hit his mum when they argued, and Sirius said it's what wizards…"

"You idiot! You think I …. Have you ever seen me ….? Just once have I …? Rhea, get out here!" he thundered.

John turned and stomped into the kitchen where he found Rhea sitting at the table, her hands clasped over her mouth, still trying to stifle her laughter.

"I'm sorry, John," she chortled, "but your face. Oh, my gods, in the Leaky Cauldron? Was it crowded?"

"Good Merlin, witch," he stammered. "You accuse me of being a bad father because I didn't beat him and he accuses me of beating you. What is wrong with the pair of you?"

"I did not, I … I just…" she looked up at him from her seat at the table, trying to sober.

"Say it," he lifted up her chin. "You have to tell him and hear it yourself. If you are ever to move on you have to acknowledge this."

"I don't want to lose him," she sighed. "Marcus was only two years older when he… "

John pulled her up from the chair and into his arms. "He is going to grow up no matter what you do. No matter how hard you hold onto him he is going to grow up, Rhea. He is not Marcus. He is not his brother, but he will grow up and leave. He will leave home and he will be on his own in a world that does not want him. He knows that, and you know that."

She saw Remus standing in the doorway watching them and pulled away from John's chest. "Remus, this has nothing to do with you. I never should have brought you into it."

"Did you … I mean the howler, did you… you know, the whole thing?" Remus toed the carpet, as his face grew redder.

"Yes, me and the whole breakfast crowd at the Cauldron heard it," he said flatly. "We need to have a talk about your language. As creative as you were with the possible uses of my wand, they were most inappropriate in a public place."

"Oh," Remus looked at his mother's face and saw her lip start to twitch again.

"Rhea, it is not funny. The language alone …"

"I'm sorry John… Dad?" Remus' voice started to crack. "I thought you had left, and …" he finished with a shrug.

"What the hell do you think boy?" John raged. "Do you think this is just something you turn on and off? Do you think when I married your mother it was only for a little while until we got bored with it or you started acting like an arse?"

"John!"

"Rhea, he did act like one, bloody hell woman all teenage boys do. I just hoped it wouldn't start yet, that we still had a couple of years. Now get your robes."

Remus snapped his head up, knowing what was coming next. "I ate already."

"Then eat again, if I have to show my face in the Cauldron so do you. Now get moving before I make you move, boy. And expect Tom to let you know how old lady Longbottom nearly had a heart attack."

"Frank's mother," Rhea giggled. "I've heard things from her mouth that…"

"No, his grandmother, picture that, his grandmother hearing what I should do with my wand." John glared. "Now get in that floo, Remus. I think you deserve to go first and let everyone see you. Your mother and I will join you later."

Remus walked to the floo, turned back and opened his mouth to protest, but the look on John's face told him just to shut up and do as he had been told. He shuffled into the floo not understanding how Sirius seemed to get away with things, and he always seemed to get caught.

.

.

John came back home later that day, Rhea had not only completely forgiven him but admitted there was nothing to forgive, that she had stopped thinking in her fear and anger. She talked to John and agreed to make a concerted effort to let go of Remus and give him more freedom. She knew it would be hard. Hard to let go of her last son, her last connection with Anthony and the life they had shared. Unable to tell John why she felt so strongly, she had reluctantly watched as they took the fishing poles and walked down the path toward the stream. Until she could see John as his father, how could she expect it of Remus?

John waited until they were sitting at the stream, dropping their baited hooks into the water before he broached the topic he needed to talk to Remus about. He started by telling him a story about the Muggle world and the great war it had seen fifteen years before he was born. He told him of eleven million people killed because of their race, religion, or just because they were different. He spoke of how this world of magic could also be at risk if people became complacent and allowed talk of racial supremacy to become more than just talk. Remus listened, but felt that John was not really saying what he wanted.

Adults spoke in circles, saying one thing when they wanted to say another. He thought of the Headmaster and his mealtime talks that the older students would listen to closely as the younger ignored and fidgeted, wanting nothing more than to eat. The Headmaster took on the same tone that John did now, talking of bad times ahead but not putting a name to them.

"I know," Remus rolled his eyes. "Headmaster keeps saying the houses have to learn to get along. But, it's summer can't we just fish? I don't fight, and it doesn't matter to me how they got sorted."

"If it were that simple there wouldn't be a problem," John sighed and leaned back on his elbows, looking at the stream. "Water is way down."

"I'm reading a book, and it says sometimes logs and stuff can build up, make a … jam … it's called. The water gets held back until there is enough to push them out of the way, but by that time, so much water has built up it floods everything down stream."

"Remus, I want you to be careful around Sirius' family. Do you ever see them?"

"No, well … he has a brother that tags around sometimes. Regulus, he'll be a firstie this year."

"Does he know about you?"

"Nah, only Peter, James and Sirius. Regulus is …" Remus looked up at John and shrugged. "He's not like Sirius. He's no fun."

"Well, I don't want him to know, at least not for a while. The Blacks … they think about things differently than we do."

"Headmaster keeps saying things like … _Dark times are before us. Dark times that will test our resolve_ … and stuff like that."

"And you don't pay attention?" John smirked. "Really, Remus, you fought to get into that school at least you could pay attention."

"I do. I got the highest score in History, and Herbology this year, and I am second in…"

"I know, and your mother and I are proud of you, but there is more. Remus, remember what we just talked about? The Muggle war? That will happen here. Maybe not eleven million, because there aren't that many of us, but enough to make sure you or I are not here when it is over. Do you understand?"

"My Mum, she is a pureblood. Will she be safe?"

"No, she married a Muggle, has a werewolf for a son and is now married to a blood traitor. I would say she ranks right up there," he said harshly. "So, I take it some of what the Headmaster says has sunk in."

Remus sat up and hugged his legs, rested his head on his knees and watched his fishing line that lay still in the water. "We talk about it, the four of us. Sirius says all his parents talk about is Riddle, about how he is going to stop people like Lily … Do you know Lily? Lily Evans?"

"No, is she in your house?"

"Yeah, she is Muggle born, and really nice. Sometimes we eat breakfast together on the weekends, cuz James sleeps late. She doesn't like him."

"Because, not cuz. Anyway, what does Sirius say about Lily Evans?"

"He doesn't say it, his parents do. They think she should go back where she came from, but some of the others they say are okay. Like Severus Snape. His mother was a witch, but his father was a Muggle, like mine, only he got in Slytherin and the Blacks like him just fine."

"His mother was related." John sighed. "It's hard to explain, but Riddle himself is a half-blood."

"See? That's what Sirius says too, but if he is a half-blood why wouldn't he like all half bloods?"

"He thinks, wrongly so, that it is the Muggle born that are corrupting our world. A half-blood at least has one foot in our world, where as a Muggle born is here by accident. He teaches that the Muggle born will just take what they want and leave, whereas a half blood is here to stay."

"Like Lily. She is an accident, but Snape is here because he belongs?"

"Yes, but if the half-blood does not … Remus, you are here because of your mother, and Riddle would think that in itself is okay, but if you see the world as your father did, then you will not be welcomed either. Do you understand?"

"He must be crazy, because James says his parents are as pure as the Blacks, but plan to fight against him if it comes to that." He turned to look at John. "Peter says his Gramms isn't saying anything about it, but he thinks it's because his father says Riddle is great and his Gramms can't stand him."

"What about his mother?"

"John…Dad? Sometimes … you're an Auror right? And Aurors are keeping track of who is on which side. Right?"

"If you are uncomfortable talking let's go find that river jam," John stood up and brushed off his trousers. "I wasn't getting information, Remus. I was making sure you knew what was going on and making sure you understand it."

"Bet the block is at the ford. It gets so shallow in the summer there isn't enough current to keep things moving."

"Hey, Remus… up here!" Remus looked up and saw Sirius swoop low overhead.

"Hello, Mr. Dawlish," he grinned sliding into a smooth stop, inches from the Auror, not the least bit concerned to be using underaged magic. "My Aunt is having a naming party. We're going and want Remus to go with us."

John snorted and shook his head. "I hardly think that is wise."

"No, the other Aunt, the one you know. Andromeda, her and Uncle Ted had a baby and today is the naming."

"What did your parents say?"

"I don't care. This is my Aunt Meda I'm talking about, and if she says I can come over, I'm going," Sirius grinned. "She's okay, Remus, and Uncle Ted is Muggle born. You'll like him."

"Dad?"

John ran his hand through his hair and nodded. "Yeah, but go change into your good robes, and tell your Mum you need to take something, it's rude to go empty handed."

"Sir?" Sirius said. "Can we all meet here and use your floo? You are sort of in the middle, and Mrs. Potter says it is too far to fly."

"Too far, Mr. Black? As our farm is not anywhere near the middle I am sure there is more to this story."

"Well, that and James busted up his broom again." Sirius grinned. "It was wicked, right smack dab into the bridge. Told him it was too low."

"Yes, I think it wise that you four use the floo," John smirked.

"Thanks." Sirius put his leg over his broom and pushed up, hovering in the air. "We'll be back about three."

Remus grinned watching him fly away. "I've never been to a party. What's a naming party like?"

John chuckled and started up the path to the house with Remus beside him. "Witches _ohh_ and _ahh,_ and say the baby looks just like someone it doesn't. Most are ugly wrinkly things, the rest just spit up all the time. Then the wizards will go outside and drink a lot. Sirius wants to go because I imagine Andromeda will pile enough food on your plates to make you sick for a week."

Rhea pulled out his dress robes and made sure all the wrinkles were smoothed before she let him dress, then took one look at his trainers and scowled. His dress shoes were too small, his boots not right for a summer party. Rhea frowned and tried to transfigure his trainers into suitable footwear unable to get the spell right.

"Here," John tossed Remus his own dress shoes. "Your almost as tall as me now, may as well try them on."

Remus grinned and pulled them on, nodding to his mother and standing up to walk around the room, suddenly feeling grown up and going to a real party. Rhea made him listen to her instructions and again gave him a lecture on being polite before she deemed him ready. With only a few minutes to spare, he went down to the sitting area to wait for his friends.

"Mum? Dad said I had to take something."

"Oh, my god," she ran into the kitchen. "I almost forgot. Come here and help. I can do the spells but you have to help, I can't think of a thing."

She grabbed a glass from the top shelf, one of her best crystal goblets and set it upside down on the table, transfiguring it into a globe, one side left flat to keep it stable. "Now, all you have to do is decide what you want to put in it."

"Like what?" he swallowed and looked at the empty ball of glass.

"Remember when we used to go into London and look at the Christmas decorations? Remember the window at Harrod's with all the little snow globes? Well, it's something like that, but it should carry a … gift, maybe a dream or a nice thought for the baby, something pretty for it to look at. Is it a boy or girl?"

"I don't know, but that's dumb." He pointed to the globe.

"Remus," she pressed her lips together and looked over his shoulder at John. "Four kids going to a Naming, that's what's dumb."

"Andromeda has been cut off from her family, Rhea. Her husband is a good man, but a Muggle." He leaned against the doorframe frowning. "How did you feel?"

Rhea looked up at him and nodded, remembering the sting at Marcus' Naming when only three people showed up. She had been so upset that when Remus was born she had not even had the traditional party. "Okay, Remus, It's dumb. But you still have to do it."

"Like what?"

"Well, you could fill it with miniature roses, and I can put a charm on it so that they never die, but we don't know if it's a girl."

"How about just snow?" He stood looking down at the object as if it was a foreign object, that at anytime would burst into flame.

"Rhea," John said from the doorway. "It's three."

"You said she is a Black?" She grinned and waved her wand, creating a small universe with stars floating in the air. "They are all named for stars, either way this should do."

"Wow," Remus grinned. "Dad? If I could use magic, I know how to make it light up in the dark. Moody showed me, he did it to my water glass when I … I was just a kid and scared of the dark."

John handed him is wand and nodded. "Use this, no one will know."

Remus completed the spell as the sounds of running feet came up the porch and Peter's timid knock started.

"I swear, that Pettigrew kid is the only one with manners," Rhea ginned and opened the door.

Peter pushed past her and ran for Remus. Holding up a globe not unlike the one Remus held, his filled with fireworks, shooting rockets and emitting loud pops. Shoving the simple globe with stars that would glow at night in his pocket, he looked up at Rhea sheepishly. Thinking any kid would rather have fireworks.

"Blacks just give gold," Sirius laughed. "Should of heard my dad when Regulus told him I had already transferred some of my money."

James held a package wrapped with pink bows. "Don't ask me. Mum just said to take it." He scowled at the ribbons, embarrassed to be carrying such a sissy thing.

"Time," John stood by the fireplace holding the box of powder. "Two at a time, Sirius, you first so your Aunt knows who is coming through."

Peter stepped up and rushed in with Sirius, anxious to get rid of the offending object in his hand. As soon as they were gone, James and Remus stepped into the floo.

Rhea smiled watching Remus as he looked at her when the green flash of fire covered him. She had never seen him so happy, so accepted, so full of joy.

.


	23. Nymphadora

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 23**

**Nymphadora**

* * *

Remus stepped out into the Tonks' sitting room, where Andromeda immediately pulled him into a quick hug, and shoved him towards Sirius as she tried unsuccessfully to do the same to James. Laughing to see the dark haired boy dodge her greeting, she draped her arm around Remus' shoulders and headed toward the kitchen. Remus peeked around Andromeda's arm and glared at Sirius who stood nudging James with his elbow and making gagging faces as her hand patted his arm and keep squeezing him, not letting him go until they had left the sitting room. Seeing the light fixed on the kitchen ceiling, Remus grinned, reached out and flicked the light switch on the wall, chuckling as the small white light flick on and off.

"You must be Remus, I must say I have heard a lot about you," Andromeda laughed. "I was surprised when Peter said that your Mum keeps a completely wizarding house, I would have thought with your dad he would have wanted some of his Muggle things around. Anyway, I hear you keep my cousin here at his books."

"You know my Mum?"

"Oh heavens," she sighed. "It's been years and years since I've seen her. She was ahead of me at school, but I lost touch with her after, now what was his name…Marcus? Then when he was in school, your father moved her to that farm. I just meant with him being Muggle and all I always thought she would keep the house more… Muggleish. Like Ted does, he's a Muggle born wizard, look around we have all sorts of things."

He tried to twist and see where Sirius was, only to feel her arm wrap more tightly around his shoulders and propel him toward the back door, glad that she didn't ask questions about what had become of his brother.

"Now you just go on out and grab a plate, I am sure you boys are hungry. Those two are always hungry." She nodded at Sirius and James as she released him, giving him a gentle push towards the outside door.

Remus stopped and turned back, reached in his pocket and gave her the globe, not knowing what to do with it now that he was here. She took it from him with both hands and smiled, set it down on the kitchen table and sat down looking at it as her eyes misted over.

"This is wonderful, Remus. You know it's a tradition in the Black family to … well, just thank you."

"It lights up all by itself, you know, sort of like a night light." Remus saw her eyes getting worse and toed the floor. "My dad said Muggles use night lights for their kids all the time. I thought that, you know… maybe…"

Peter set his fireworks globe next to Remus' and earned a hug of his own as Andromeda reached up and pulled him into a quick embrace. "She'll love them, I know she will. Peter, it's perfect." She wiped her hand over her eyes and stood, turning back to the door.

"Here," James shoved his package at her and stepped back, almost knocking Sirius over in his hurry to get outside.

"Thanks James, and don't worry, I won't embarrass you," she chuckled. "Now go eat before Aberforth gets here or there won't be anything left. He and Alastor will be by shortly, they had to run to work for something."

The boys made their way to the back yard and ran to the long table, picking up plates and loading them full of food, then finding a place at one of the empty tables sat down to eat. Sirius rested both arms on the table, looking around at the wizards that stood in clumps around the yard quietly talking. He knew most of them, and the rest he had most assuredly heard about.

"The tall guy, the one with red hair, taking to … the shorter one, that's my uncle Ted … the one talking to him, is Weasley, Arthur Weasley. That's his wife behind the table, the one putting the treacle tarts out." Sirius whispered to Remus. "Make sure you get one of those, they are wicked good, but wait until she leaves, she's a worse hugger then Aunt Meda."

James tuned around in his chair to take a better look, frowning. "Who is the other one?"

"Gideon Prewett. His brother is here too, but I can't remember his name. He's the one over at the butterbeer, with the blonde. My Dad says Gideon is the worse to go up against, said he is wicked with a wand," Sirius tried to smile.

Peter shoved a mouthful of food into his cheek and pointed to the cold box. "Who's the blonde?"

"Don't know," Sirius shrugged. "Potter? You know?"

"Yeah," he smirked and waggled his eyebrows. "Jugs."

Remus snorted, turning his head quickly to let the spray of food hit the ground. "Gods, James. At least wait until she is gone."

"I don't want her to go. I want her to come here and give me a hug like the one Aunt Meda gives you." James winked. "Bet I could bury my face and…"

"Shhh" Peter blushed, seeing the blonde's head turn toward their table. "Gods, she heard."

"No," Potter tuned to look at the back gate. "Don't think so."

"Sirius, thought you said she was your Aunt?"

"Yeah, but I've always called her Aunt Meda," he shrugged. "It avoids the whole how and to who thing. Blacks marry Blacks. It gets confusing."

"So, why didn't your mum…"

"She doesn't know I see her, no one does." Sirius looked up to the house. "It's a Black thing Okay? Just… I have to sneak out to get here."

"Look who shows up now. Is that who you wanted to see, Remus?" Peter nudged him.

"Yeah," he started to get up, but sat down quickly seeing Moody's angry face and the adults starting to cluster around him. "What's going on do you think?"

"Boys," Arthur Weasley's wife waved to them, indicting that they come to her. "Bring those plates in, now quickly. There's my good boys, now take them into the sitting room. Don't worry about spilling, just hurry."

James shrugged and stood up, grabbing his plate, soon followed by the other three. As they walked into the house, with Mrs. Weasley trying to hurry them along, Remus stepped behind Moody and paused to listen, curious about what had happened.

"Are you sure?" Gideon scowled. "If what you are saying is true, how do you know it was him?"

"Benjy Fenwick, I can't believe it." Arthur shook his head. "Who was with him?"

"Caradoc, he made it out, but Dawlish is up in St. Mungo's." Moody looked around and saw Remus listening. "Get your arse in the house boy, and make sure that Black kid is with you."

"Alastor Moody!" Andromeda walked up hissing at him. "Remus, run along now dear."

"My Dad?" He yanked away from Andromeda and grabbed Moody's arm.

"Got hit, boy, but not full on, just glanced off him. He walked right into it, soon as he showed up he… he'll be home in no time." Alastor frowned. "Now you go on. Do as you were told."

Moody stood watching after him until the slam of the kitchen door let him know Remus and the rest of the boys were inside. "Didn't mean anything about him, but it was a Black that was at the bottom of it and if I know my Blacks there was a Crabbe close behind."

"You don't know that," Gideon said.

"Meda." Ted nodded to the rest as he led his wife back in the house. "We have to go. No, now don't start that … I have to go to the Fenwicks. The others will be busy. It's the least I can do, and you have guests to take care of."

"It's horrid, Benjy never hurt anyone." She bit her lip and choked back her own tears. "He was a good man."

"When Frank and Alice come, tell them what happened," Ted said, kissing her cheek. "Just keep everyone inside, and for gods' sake, make sure the kids don't go running outside until the Aurors tell you its safe."

"I'll feed them and send them back," she sighed. "Poor Sirius, Ted… what if we just …"

"No, we tried that, remember?" He lifted her chin and looked at her closely. "When he is older he can make his own decision, but if he comes here now they have every right to take him back, and then his life will be hell."

Remus stood just inside the door, pulling the curtain back and watching the adults that now all stood around Moody. He wanted to push them away and demand to know what had happened.

"What's going on?" Remus turned to the table where his friends sat. "Maybe I should go down to St. Mungo's. Do you know if your Aunt's floo is connected to theirs?"

"Someone got killed, Remus. They turned off the floo." Sirius said flatly. "It's the first thing you do if fighting breaks out."

"I should go." Peter stood and started for the back door. "They don't want my Grams collecting me and if she finds out I didn't get out before the floo was closed … where's your Uncle?"

The remaining three watched silently as Ted took Peter to the property's boundary and took him home in a side-along.

"He gets nervous around decent people," Potter laughed. "That family of his is nutters."

"Shut up James," Sirius spat. "He knows better than to … he knows better. Leave him alone."

"Sirius?" Ted Tonks had returned directly to the sitting room, and now stood waiting in the doorway. "Hurry, we need to get you out of here."

Sirius stood and joined his uncle, shooting James a dirty look. He followed him into the sitting room, waiting until he opened the floo, stepped in and waited. Andromeda rushed to her husband's side and pushed him out of the way, hugging Sirius to her.

"They won't miss me," he pleaded with Andromeda. "They will think I can…"

"Sirius, I'm sorry," she put her hand on Ted's hand, stopping him from throwing down the powder. "When things calm down we will have you and your friends over for a bite to eat. Maybe this thing will work out, but you don't worry about it. Okay? Promise you will hold you tongue at home and not make them angry or let them know I saw you. Please Sirius, if they or Bellatrix know you come here … please, Sirius, just be patient."

"Sure. Hurry up then, just get me out of here." Sirius clamped his mouth tight, looking at Remus and James, a look of disgust on his face as the green flames took him home.

"I didn't mean it like that, about Peter." James sighed and sat back down at the table. "I only meant everyone knows he is better than them. What do you think happened?"

"I don't…"

"Boy, you Remus. Come with me." Moody stomped through the kitchen toward the sitting room and then started upstairs.

The sounds of apparition started as the adults in the back yard spun away, leaving only Andromeda, Mrs. Weasley and the blonde to clean up after the party. Remus looked at James who sat alone now, before running to catch Moody, not liking the sudden feeling that something else had just gone wrong. At the top of the stairs, he hesitated until he heard Moody call out to him.

"Before you get all twitchy he's fine."

"Is my Mum with him?"

"No, told her to stay put until it was safe for you to go back."

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"Because Greyback was there and if he knows about Rhea and John he could be after you again." Moody paced in the small bedroom, running his hand though his hair. "He's at the god damned thing they call a hospital. Same hospital that was ready to …" Moody stopped and looked to the door. "He was called in when the trouble started, he was hit, but he's fine. Should be home in an hour or so."

"I need to go," Remus started to the door.

"You need to sit your arse down and wait until we know it is safe."

"Are you two done?" Andromeda came pounding up the stairs. "Alastor, you leave him alone. He does not have to know everything yet, and it's not your place to tell him. You know what Albus said about under aged children knowing more than they should."

"Can't be ready if he doesn't know what's coming, neither can that Potter kid. Don't do no good hiding it." He blustered. "Why do you think Riddle's got such a good foothold up at that school?"

"Hush now," Andromeda put her arm around Remus' shoulder. "When it's time to tell them …"

"Bloody hell witch! "

"Shut up Moody," her voice cracked. "Now get yourself downstairs if you want to eat. Remus, you come with me. At least you can see Nymphadora before you go … shut up Moody… don't start."

Remus sat down in an overstuffed chair, looking at James and scowling. If he had known he had to sit down and hold a baby he would have stayed home. What did he know of babies? He froze as Andromeda laid the small blanket wrapped bundle in the crook of his arm and pulled back the edge to uncover the babies face.

"Her name is Nymphadora." She smiled and stood up, leaving Remus to hold the baby himself.

"It has pink hair." Remus said flatly looking down at the baby.

"_She_ is a metamorphmagus," Andromeda laughed. "When she is older she will be able to change whenever she wants to, but now she just… I don't know… does what she feels."

"She changes with her moods, Remus." Ted chuckled. "Happy is pink, and she is pink much of the time."

"What is yellow?" Remus frowned looking down, seeing the infant's hair begin to change.

"I'm not sure," Andromeda shrugged. "She seems content. Remus? Is it okay to leave her with you just until I make sure Frank and Alice are okay? They should have been here by now, Frank was collecting her and they were coming together. Don't worry about her hair, she doesn't seem to like all the noise in the other room is all. Come on James, I am sure there is chocolate cake left."

"Umm, yeah," Remus swallowed hard, thinking of Mum's warning to be polite and helpful as Nymphadora wiggled on his lap, twisting her head on his arm, her hair turning bright red.

"Oh, angry are you?" Remus laughed and pulled the blanket down from her head completely, then freed her arms from the tightly wrapped blanket rewarded by her hair turning back to the pink he had first seen.

Her eyes locked on his as her fists beat in the air and her feet fought the blanket that still held her legs. Her hair turned again to yellow, then deepening to amber orange when he loosened the blanket further. Remus looked around uncomfortably, not knowing if he should be concerned. Again, he turned his face to hers; surprised to see a smile replace the inquisitive look she had worn only a moment before. He lifted his head, again breaking eye contact and then brought his face back to hers quickly, in a thinly disguised game of peek-a-boo.

She held her breath, her chin trembled, her face screwed up to cry and then, looking at him she began to smile. Remus smiled at her, and again tipped his head up, delighted to hear a full laugh come out of her small belly.

"That's enough, boy." Moody stood behind his chair, peering over his shoulder.

"Moody! Cor, I didn't know you were there," Remus said happily. "You scared me. Moody? Do you know the Blacks?"

"I know them, can't say I have any use for them other than Meda. Here for Tonks, he's a good man, real good." He limped around to the front of the chair. "Now get off your arse and let an old man sit before he falls."

Remus smiled and stood up, watching as Moody lowered into the chair, carefully favouring his left leg and right buttocks. Moody sneered up at him and twisted his body to get comfortable.

"What's with your leg? Did that happen today?"

"Hexed. Fucking bloody slime will rot in Azkaban he will. Never turn your back boy, if you learn anything, learn to never turn your back."

"I thought I was supposed to remember never to put my wand in my back pocket?" Remus grinned.

"That's what I said. Don't turn your back, not even on your own wand. Now hand me that one 'fore you drop her."

Remus laid Nymphadora in the old Auror's lap, and stepped back smiling as Alastor expertly moved her to the crook of his arm and put his finger under her chin.

"Right pretty one. Can't say that 'bout most," he muttered. "Bad time to be born though, dark times ahead."

"_Won't_ say that about the others you mean." Andromeda handed Remus a plate full of sweets. "Take this back down to the kitchen since Moody here has snatched her back up. And don't be shy about eating, I have enough food down there for at least fifty more since it looks like everyone has left. And you, Alastor, are just prejudiced because she's your goddaughter and she can't talk yet."

"That too," he nodded scowling. "Should find someone younger. Someone more likely to be around if she needs."

"Umm, let's see. My sister and my soon to be brother-in-law? Ted's Muggle sister and her husband?" She laughed. "Yeah, I can see how that will work when she shows up with pink hair but has it purple by tea time. At least the neighbours would have something to talk about. Plus, she likes you. See, her hair, dark orange. I can tell who she is comfortable with already, and it is you she likes. Please, Alastor? I am worried that if this gets worse we may not be here for her, and we don't have anyone."

"Ah, I'll never let harm come to her. You know that. Just … don't go telling everyone. I have a reputation to keep up."

"Alastor, you lost your reputation and your arse on the same night. Now give her to me. She needs to be fed and you need to find out what happened to Aberforth. He never showed up and you know if there is free food he always shows up."

"Yeah." He lifted the baby back to Andromeda as he used both hands to push himself up from the chair. "Going to get in trouble messing around with those damn goats again. I warned him, but he won't listen."


	24. The Order

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 24**

**The Order**

* * *

Remus sat at the kitchen table pushing the eggs around on his plate, having no appetite since he had been woken by angry voices. Across the table, John watched him from under his brows while at the sink his mother slammed dishes down in her way of telling John to shut up. Knowing the sound well, Remus smirked and poked at his eggs again.

"What aren't we talking about this time?" he asked the room, trying to look innocent.

"Don't be cheeky," Rhea said, with a hint of caution in her voice.

"Rhea?" John said, with more then a hint in his own. "I thought we could go fishing today."

"Fishing? We only go fishing when you want to talk about sex."

"Remus John Lupin!"

John began to laugh and leaned back in his chair. "No, I think we covered the sex thing quite well for a couple of years, at least we should have. You remember that Remus. If you don't know what to do next you don't do anything, and that includes… "

"John?" Rhea looked at him and shook her head.

"What did I say?" He looked at her blankly. "He needs to know if we didn't cover it he's not ready for it. We didn't and he's not."

"Do we need to discus this at breakfast?" she hissed.

"Better at a breakfast he is here for then a breakfast he misses because he was up all night…"

"John, I think he gets it."

Remus smiled and pulled his plate back in front of him and began eating. "So, what is it this time?"

"Yesterday I was injured. Your mother was here by herself and you were off without a plan on what to do. It won't happen again. You were lucky this time, lucky you were with friends and lucky that Moody was there to bring you back."

"The fighting is over?" Remus looked up grinning.

"No, it's …" John shot a look to Rhea, "it's going to get worse, Remus. A lot worse, and you need to know what to do."

"Remus?" Rhea joined them at the table. "Do you remember that nice lady at Three Broomsticks? Madam Rosmerta?" She waited for his nod before continuing. "If you are ever caught outside, and can't get back here, or to school, you are to go there. If she isn't there or if something happens, she said to go to see Aberforth Dumbledore."

"The one at the bar? The old guy?"

"Yes, but only as a last resort. He's not a … he is a little … gruff."

"First, you need to learn what to do here. In case something happens." John stood and frowned at him. "Finish eating. We start this morning."

John showed Remus how to take the floo off the network, and stressed that this was the first thing to do, the most important. Cautioning that while it was still open, anyone and everyone had access to the house. He then taught Remus the spells to stop apparition onto the property and to reset stronger wards on all the windows. John ignored both the asked and unasked questions as to the _why_ that he could hear and see Remus swallowing back.

After lunch, he surprised Remus by walking him down to the barn and tossing his wand to him. Pulling out his own, he cast a Patronus and watched Remus' face light up as a graceful white lynx slipped from his wand and circled the barn, only to return and disappear.

"If you ever have to close the floo, if you are ever stuck here you need to communicate, and I don't want to hear that you and your mother are dead because you thought you needed to tell someone what was happening first. You close the floo, you set the wards, then…and only then you send me your Patronus. You do not wait, do you understand? You do not … ever, try to handle it yourself. I am an Auror, and I would never, never go into a duel by myself and I don't ever want to hear that you were foolish enough to try."

They practiced late into the night. Rhea brought plates to the barn and sat and watched as they continued to practice. She saw Remus weakening and tried to call a stop to the lessons, earning a scowl and tongue-lashing. John insisted that unless he could cast a Patronus, no matter how tired, how injured, how scared, it was nothing more then a cheap parlour trick. Remus became frustrated when he finally produced a wisp of white vapor, only to have it fizzle and drop to the ground. Looking up at John, he dropped his arm and let his wand point at the ground.

"You are not concentrating," John ran his hand through his hair.

"He is too young," Rhea said. "At thirteen what do you expect?"

"I expect him to stay alive!" John shouted at her. "New memory, Remus. Whatever the bloody hell you are thinking about isn't working."

"My dad, I am concentrating on my dad."

"Change it." John demanded. "Remus, I am sure you have happy times to remember him by, but the sadness of his death may be overshadowing it. Pick another."

Remus looked at the ground and thought of the best thing he could remember, and then suddenly snapped his head up at John. Smiling he lifted his wand and shouted "_Expecto Patronum!_" watching as a silvery wolf leapt from his wand, charged into the air and ran above his head.

"Excellent! Excellent, Remus. Well done!" John clapped his hand on Remus' shoulder as the silvery wolf returned and Remus dropped his wand, letting the Patronus disappear.

"It was the time in the tower," he looked at his mother. "Not dad, but … the night Sirius told them and they didn't hate me."

"Hold it boy, don't lose that memory. No matter what happens, no matter what changes, just hold onto that memory." John smiled at Rhea. "Now, off to bed. We do it again in the morning."

.

.

.

"It's all here," Sirius said, dumping old copies of the Daily Prophet on the ground. "Well, it sort of hints at it, but never really comes out and says it. Like here…"

Potter picked up the newspaper that had gone out the day after they had gone to the Tonks' and smirked. "Disturbance it says. Two got wasted in a disturbance?"

"That's ripe," Peter grabbed the paper from him and scanned the story quickly. "Doesn't even give the names. Who was the other one?"

"Bones, don't know which one, but I think it was the youngest kid." Sirius flopped down. "My father said that they were sending a message."

"Message?" Remus looked at him incredulously. "What kind of message other than wanting to take revenge would that send? Says here he, must be the Bone's kid, was nine. Nine? Bloody hell!"

Sirius shrugged and dropped down on the ground next to Peter. "If Riddle wanted to shut up Dawlish, and killed you, don't you think it would work?"

"Why not just go after Dawlish?"

"He may want something. He may want information, or for the other Aurors to back off. If he can kill an Auror's kid it would make the rest a little less likely to keep fighting," Sirius said and then looked up at Remus. "How old were you when Greyback got you?"

"That's... that's different … Greyback isn't …" Remus looked down at the papers and picked up another, reading about an attack on another Muggle. "You think it was because of my dad?"

"He was a Muggle, and some are saying Greyback…"

"That's stupid." Peter put the paper he was holding down. "Riddle only wants wizards. Werewolves aren't even human."

Remus sat and stared at the paper he still held, feeling a surge of magic wash over him, feeling his hands crush the edges of the paper and felt the wolf under his skin. Slowly he raised his head and drilled Peter with his eyes, his top lip curling back.

"Take it back."

"What?" Peter looked up innocently, blanching as Remus came to his feet.

"I said take I back."

Sirius was already on his feet and stepping between the two, placing his hand on Remus' chest. "Come on, you know he's stupid. He didn't mean you."

"Yeah, come on." James looked back at Peter and snorted. "Since when do you care what a rat says?"

Remus looked over Sirius' shoulder at Peter and remembered the night in the barn and what he had done. He turned away angrily and putting his back to the rest shoved his hands in his pockets and lowered his eyes. "I need to leave."

"Ah, come on Moony, you know I didn't mean you. But, werewolves are … that's how they are counted. My dad says even their birth certificates are changed or thrown out. They don't count them anymore."

"Why were you talking about werewolves?" Potter frowned.

"I wasn't, honest. They were talking about where they could find help. You know, with …" He nodded towards the stack of papers. "Riddle went to Hogwarts. He tried to get a job teaching but they wouldn't have him. At least that's what Grams said. She said even back then, there was something wrong about him and he got Hagrid in trouble back when they were in school. Big trouble. He got Hagrid's wand snapped and everything. Course if they had known he was half-giant they wouldn't have let him in anyway."

"Yeah, I guess that's when Slytherin house was one of the smallest. They had different … standards. Now Dumbledore has opened it up to everyone. Riddle hates him for it. He lets half breeds in, but he wouldn't give Riddle the time of day." Sirius lowered back to the ground watching Remus. "Come on Moony. I nicked these papers for you."

"No," Remus shook his head and looked across the field. "I should leave. Something's not right. I have to leave."

The three boys sat on the ground and watched as Remus began to run, knowing not to follow or to get to close when he was like this, when they could see the wolf's eyes in broad daylight.

"Way to go Peter!" Potter spat. "You know how he gets."

"I told him I didn't mean nothing by it. He knows I don't think he isn't human."

.

.

.

Remus ran across the field, towards the crest of the hill where he could look down and see what his mum now called their farm. _Farm_, he thought bitterly. This was nothing like the farm they had once. This was what was left for them, what they could handle before John had come. Just enough for a widow and a kid. He ran until his chest hurt, until the stitch in his side told him to quit, until his throat was raw and the taste of blood was on his tongue.

_Not human_, Peter had said. He felt his blood rushing through his body and echoing in his ears. Dropping to the ground, he landed on his knees, gasping for air and rasping out sobs. Crying was for sissies. Crying was for weak sissies that everyone would laugh at and call names. He sat up on his knees and looked down at the cottage with the small barn. He had never noticed before how small and unkempt it appeared. Not nearly as grand as the Pettigrew house, but few houses he had ever been in were as grand at that.

Potter's house and Andromeda's were much the same. Each with crisp lines and manicured lawns, fenced in gardens and lace and draperies on all the windows, not just flimsy curtains made by hand. From where he sat, he could see his mother as she crossed the space between the house and the barn and looked at her with fresh eyes.

She was older than any of the other mothers. Her hair, pulled back and tied at the nape of her neck, showed grey at the temples, and her walk was not as sure and firm. He puzzled that he had never noticed before, or noticed that she wore the same two pairs of jeans from day to day or that her shoes no longer would hold a shine although he had seen her pull out the small tin of polish and a small brush when her spells had even failed to make them look better. Remus looked back at the cottage, saw its thatched roof and small windows, and felt a tug to be inside and safe.

Movement caught his eye and he turned to the right, seeing the white lynx that he knew was Dawlish's Patronus slither through the air and head for the barn. A moment later his mother rushed out, running with her wand in her hands, stumbling in her rush to reach the house. Without hesitating Remus stood and began to run to meet her, calling out to her as he ran headlong down the slope, seeing her stop in her flight to the house and turn to him, hearing his voice, her attention from her path suspended.

He saw the look of abject horror on her face and heard the sound of apparation behind him. He stopped and turned, seeing forms appearing, black robes, men with wands drawn. His mother's voice cut the air, screaming as she ran to him, all thoughts of reaching the house gone, all thoughts of setting wards and casting protection spells forgotten. Remus lurched down the hill, intent on reaching his mother but unable to take his eyes off the growing number of black robed men he kept slowing to look at over his shoulder, counting now six on the ridge behind him.

In front of Remus, Moody appeared, soon followed by other shapes that were still shimmering into sight as he ran past them. Again Remus stopped, amazed at the sight of Aurors that took so long to materialize, knowing they must have come a great distance. Rhea's voice pierced the air, forcing Remus' attention and again making his feet obey. He ran to her, seeing her run away from him, toward the house, holding her hand out behind her back, encouraging him to catch her, to run faster, to reach the house.

His arms windmilled the air, the momentum of his downhill flight carrying him across the flat lawn, enabling him to catch his mother's hand as the sounds of battle began. He ran with her, soon in the lead, and pulled her into the house and slamming the door behind him. Rhea stood, her chest heaving in attempts to suck in air, pointing to the floo and brought it off the network as Remus rushed to his room, grabbed his wand and began to set ward upon ward over the windows.

Running downstairs, he saw his mother run to the kitchen and seal the back door.

"Mum?"

"My gods." She threw her wand on the table and rushed to him, pulling him into a hug. "I didn't know where you were."

"Down at the orchard with the guys," he muffled into her shoulder. "Mum…"

"Sorry," she said, letting him push away. "Is James still there?"

"Yeah."

"Stay here." She grabbed her wand and ran to the door, paused just long enough to look back and slipped outside, shutting the door behind her.

Remus ran to the window in the sitting room, pulled back the curtain and watched his mother sprint to the edge of the property. He saw Moody turn to her, and although Remus could not hear the words, he could tell Moody was angry and demanding that she go back. He watched as Rhea continued to run and spin out of sight, knowing she was rushing to the three still down at the orchard.

Again, Remus turned to the battle on the hill. Dawlish was now there, and several others. He saw the flashes as one curse after another flew and saw Dawlish throw up shield after shield as he stepped over a fallen Auror, shielding his body with not only his magic but also his life. Remus focused on Moody who was now limping so badly he could hardly stand. As the powerful wizard turned to avoid a hex, Remus saw blood pumping out of his thigh, forcing him down to one knee. Dawlish looked at the wizard at his feet, and then making a decision stepped to Moody, wrapped his arm around him and disappeared.

Remus stepped back from the window, but kept his eyes on the fallen man. A flash of memory of boots, of a knee pressed to his back, a memory of the smell of wild animal and blood. He was frozen, unable to move, unable to watch and unable to look away. The man from the party, the one with the pretty wife that made treacle tarts, squatted down by the fallen man that Dawlish left, and digging something from his pocket, laid it on the man's chest, and stood already fighting as the portkey carried the injured man away.

Remus held his wand tightly and put his hand on the doorknob, wanting to go outside, wanting to do something. He pulled the door open at the same time more appeared on the ridge, just beyond the property line. The witch that had set out the treats and a sandy-haired wizard began to shoot hexes at the men in black robes, now caught in the middle of them and the Aurors. What stopped him, keeping his glued feet to the floor were the flowing robes of the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall.

They walked slowly toward the men, the Headmaster waving his hand, pushing magic, forcing the men to their knees, not needing a wand. His face dark and angry. Angrier than Remus had ever seen. He saw one of the men lift his wand and stand to face Albus, as another cast a shield around him. A spell fell a moment too late from the man's lips, as Gideon's Avada Kedavra split the air and the man fell in a blast of green light.

Silence fell, only punctuated by the pops of apparition as the remaining five black robed men left, leaving only the victors standing on the crest. Remus saw the one called Gideon toss something on the black robed body that lay on the ground and the body whisk away before he began to run.

"Frank!" Albus yelled down the slope and pointed to Remus, causing the younger Wizard to turn and hurry to intercept the boy.

"Whoa," Frank chuckled and stood in front of Remus, making him stop.

"What's happening?" Remus said breathlessly.

"Back in the house. We haven't cleared the area." Frank frowned at the boy and seeing he was not going to move, clamped down on his wrist and pulled him back to the house despite his protests.

"Come on," Frank said, shoving Remus bodily into the house. "I'll show you how to clear the house. You'll want it done before your mum gets back."

"I think she went to the orchard."

"Crazy witch should have stayed put."

"The guys were down there."

"What guys?"

"James, Sirius and Peter. I just left them."

"Listen kid, you stay put." Frank ran his hand through his hair. "Leave the wards up until we get back."

He turned and ran back up the swell of ground shouting out orders as he ran. Remus rushed to the door and stood watching as Gideon, Albus and the red headed, treacle treat witch left, wondering at the sudden fear he could read on their faces. Professor McGonagall started up to the house, her wand still held firmly in her hand.

"Back inside boy," she said crisply. "Once Arthur checks the barn and the house you can stand outside, but until then you will do as you are told."

"Arthur who?" He stepped backwards into the house, making room for her to follow him in.

"Weasley, Arthur Weasley. Now, put on a pot of tea, I am sure your mother will need a cup when she returns."

Remus walked out into the kitchen uncertainly. Peaking back into the sitting room, he saw her reset the floo and drop the additional wards his Mum had set on the windows.

"Who was just here? He said he was going to …"

"Frank Longbottom. Now, is the water on?"

"I don't feel like making a bloody pot of tea." He fumed. "I want to know what the …"

"Young man, you will conduct yourself properly, and what is proper at this time is not to show your mother that you are upset over this. Now, do as you are told."

"Yes, Madam," he sighed, and turned back to the kitchen and put a kettle on to heat as he replayed the attack in his mind.

The kettle clattered to the floor as he remembered Moody and Dawlish. Rushing back to the sitting room he arrived at the same time as the door burst open and Rhea rushed in, running to him, she engulfed him in her arms.

"Now, now," Minerva said. "We need none of this. All is fine here. Albus?"

"He is making sure Peter and Black go back. Seems they wanted to stay and watch. I got James home."

"Mum? Dad took Moody someplace, he was hurt awful."

"John?" Rhea looked to Minerva tearfully.

"He is fine my dear, If he left I am sure we will find him at St. Mungo's." She frowned. "When Molly gets back she will want to go to Fabian, perhaps you can go with her. You should stay in pairs for a few days."

"Molly? Is she the one that left with Albus and that Gideon guy?"

"Yes, Remus," Rhea bit her lip and looked down at him. "Gideon's brother Fabian is at St. Mungo's as well. Now, go change clothes and get ready, as soon as Molly … Mrs. Weasley gets here we can leave."

"Who are all these people? The other ones, not the Aurors, but the rest?"

"They are us, Remus," Albus said, as he walked in the open door. "The Order of the Phoenix."


	25. Of Legs, Bruises and Goats

**Disclaimer : Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 25**

**Of Legs, Bruises and Goats**

* * *

Remus sat outside Moody's door at St. Mungo's. He kept his eyes to the floor and nervously waited for his Mum to come out. The smells here were familiar. Disinfectant and soap assaulted his senses and the sounds of clanking trays and noisy carts jarred him. He remembered last time he was here, and kept his face lowered, afraid someone would recognise him.

"Remus?" Rhea opened the door a crack and waved him in. "You look peaky. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, its…I don't know … this place."

"Moody says you can come in, but the healer … just be fast."

Remus nodded and slipped into the room, surprised when his mother left at the same time.

"Come here boy." Moody struggled to sit up. "Get over here and push this damned pillow behind me."

Remus grinned and did as he was told, noticing how the blanket laid over Moody, flat to the bed where his leg should have been.

"Cor," he said breathlessly. "What happened to you?"

"Bloody leg got in the way," he spat. "Won't do that again."

"Umm, Moody? It's gone."

Moody leaned forward and patted the blanket that should be covering his leg, patting instead only the bed and the blanket. "Yep, do think you're right. How about that boy?"

"Can they grow you a new one?" Remus couldn't help but grin.

"That's my choice," he sighed heavily.

"Don't sound like much of a choice to me."

"It's a big choice boy. New leg would be … new. Don't like new parts in an old body."

"Umm, yeah."

"New ones don't work as good as the one you get at the start. Weaker, don't move as good. Don't … belong. Don't fit in with the rest."

"Better than … well, better than nothing. You don't have one at all now."

"Got one left. More than some have these days. Take me off the force they would. Will say I can't do what I should."

"Umm." Remus didn't know what to say so looked at the emptiness under the blanket instead. "That would be bad. How long you got to stay here?"

"Couple of days. I'm going to hole up at Tonks' after that."

"Maybe me and Sirius can come see you?"

"No, lad. Sirius is to stay low. It's not a good time for him to see Andromeda right now. He'll pay hell if he is caught there."

"What about me?"

"You tell your new dad. He can bring you, but I don't want you to be running off by yourself." He pushed his fists down to rise up higher on the bed, wincing in pain. "I wanted to talk to you boy. That's why you are here. So listen up before that evil mediwitch comes in here to ruin our fun, bad one she is."

Remus grinned and pulled the chair that sat by the door closer to the bed.

"Your dad should have left me. He made a mistake."

"He saved you. I saw the blood. It was more than bleeding it was…squirting."

"That was his mistake boy. He had already taken his stand over Fabian. Should have stayed where he was. He's going to feel bad about doing that, and I don't want you to go talking about it."

"That Molly woman…"

"Mrs. Weasley, watch your manners."

"Mrs. Weasley said he was going to be fine. It's her brother and she is fine with it."

"She is now, but if he had died she would want my balls on a platter and then she'd shove them in John's mouth till he choked on them," he snorted. "The short of it is that this goes no further. The only ones that saw what happened are loyal to the Order. This gets out, and he'll find his arse out of the Auror Division. You hear me boy?"

"This Order, is Dad a part of it?"

"No, don't know if Albus will take him now. He is stricter than the Ministry in these things. It's important boy, you don't save one to risk the many, you remember that. You never forget the whole to go after the one. When Dawlish brought me here, he left Fabian to die and the rest in a duel we needed him in. If the Order hadn't shown up he could have lost them all."

"I don't get it," Remus stood, getting angry. "I saw it. He saved your life."

"Don't go getting this wrong. He is a good man, just can't be trusted, not the way we need to trust him to follow what has to be done. We can't waste time in second-guessing what someone is doing, we have to know it. He is going to be in a right foul mood about this and I don't want you adding to it."

"Yes, sir."

"Now get out of here while I convince that pretty-bad one I need a bath," Moody tried to grin, as Remus turned red and hurried for the door. "Remus, he has my respect, and there is not a man among us that would not risk our life for him, just know what happened is to go no further."

Remus shut the door behind him quietly, seeing Rhea standing against the opposite wall. "I don't care what they say, Dad did right."

"I know," she said quietly. "Just don't bring it up. If he does that's fine, but … Remus, he feels bad about it, he knows that he left the others, but he knew the Order was coming and that Moody couldn't wait."

"I would have done the same. He would have bled to death."

"I know." She held out her hand and waited until he accepted it before walking down the hallway. "You have to understand that this is war, and there are ways to do things. Like, when John told you what to do if there is an attack. Things have to go a certain way. Same in duels. If we are ever attacked again, even if I am not home, you have to close the floo and set the wards. Do you understand, even if it means locking me outside, you do it, not questions, no thought, you just do it."

Remus nodded, knowing even as he saw her smile at his acceptance of the rules, that he would never do it.

"Same thing in duel, you take a stand and don't back down. That person on the ground, the one you promise to protect, you never leave him."

"But what if…"

"No, Remus," she looked at his upturned face and had to grin. "The war will be long over by the time you come of age."

"But why would I let someone die?"

"By the time your Dad left the rest had already set their positions to fill in his and set up shields. When he left, there was an opening. Dumbledore was strong enough to close it, that man can fight like three, but if he had not come you may not be standing here talking."

.

.

Remus was still getting dressed the next morning when his mother called up the stairs that he had company. Running down, expecting to find Peter, he was surprised to find Sirius standing just inside the door.

"Have you eaten?" Rhea called from the kitchen.

"I'm fine Mrs. Lup … Mrs. Dawlish." Sirius toed the floor and jerked his head toward the door, signalling his impatience to Remus.

"I didn't ask how you felt. I asked if you have eaten? No? Then get in here, because Remus has to eat and you may as well join him."

"I ate."

"When? It is six in the morning and if you rode your broom all the way up here from London you had to have left at four."

"Yes, Madam," he said softly, and shuffled into the kitchen keeping his head lowered.

"Remus, go down to the barn and make sure the door is latched. I thought I heard it in the wind last night," Rhea ordered as she watched Sirius slump into one of the kitchen chairs.

As soon as the outer door shut, she turned to Sirius and lifted his chin, turning his face up to hers. She pulled her wand out and touched the tip to his right cheek, then higher to his eye socket, healing the bruises.

"Now, if you hurry and lift your shirt I will check your back before he comes back," she said gently, seeing his eyes lock on her face.

"It doesn't hurt."

"No, I imagine not, but it bothers me, so lift it up."

He turned in his seat at the same time crossing his arms in front of him and grabbed the hem of his tee to lift it up. Feeling the cool healing of Rhea's magic, he turned his head to wipe his tears on his shoulder before lowering the tee from his face.

"Was this because you were up here?" Rhea asked.

"Nah, they don't keep after me that way."

"Come on Sirius, it had something to do with yesterday."

"Yaxley. He figured it was me with Potter and Remus."

"Your parents don't want you here?"

"I don't care what they…"

"Sirius, if they don't want you here, I can't allow it either," she sat down and put her hand over his. "Maybe I can talk to your mother."

"Not likely," he snorted. "Yaxley and the others do their talking."

"This Yaxley, he was one of them?"

"Who do you think it was? Yaxley, Wilkes, Mulciber and I think that Malfoy kid. Looked like him."

"Malfoy?"

"Yeah, he will be seventh year this term, but looked like his hair."

"Don't jump to conclusions young man. They all had…."

"I'm not," Sirius spat and stood up, stepping back from her. "I'll be there with him in three years. They plan to give me to him. You don't know how it works." His voice hitched as he fought tears.

"Three years? Sirius, no."

"I'm almost fourteen. They won't wait until I finish school. Once I'm sixteen I'll be old enough. They…" The front door opened and Sirius ran his arm across his eyes and turned around to the sink.

"Sit down and eat, both of you," Rhea said, her mind furiously working as she fought to understand what he had just told her. "I need to go up to Hogwarts and get the supply list for next term, we have the wards set so the owls can't get in. If you two promise not to get into mischief, you each get three galleons and a day in Hogsmeade."

"Sirius? That would be great hey?"

"Deal," Sirius turned back grinning and sat down as if nothing had happened. "First we eat. I'm starving."

Remus had never had three whole galleons without a purpose. Three galleons without a list and or a plan. He kept his hand in this pocket, afraid the coins would jump out and land on the ground, enjoying the feel of money cool and hard against his palm.

"Honeydukes?" Sirius grinned and sauntered down the pavement.

"Sounds good," Remus agreed, already thinking of raspberries covered in chocolate, or piles of coconut in bite sized chocolate chunks of creamy sweetness. .

Sirius suddenly stopped and turned to him. "Hey, I know what we should do. Aberforth has these goats, see? He keeps them out in the Alley behind the Hogs Head. My Mum says he does weird things with them."

"How weird?" Remus frowned and thought of old jokes about shepherds and sheep.

"He's not bonking 'em," Sirius laughed, then turned serious. "Least I don't think so."

"Come on." Remus turned right and headed behind the Three Broomsticks. "There is a path through the woods. We can go that way."

They sprinted around behind the buildings, ducking under the windowsills, and keeping low until they got to the small enclosure behind the Hogs Head. Remus stood on his toes and peered over the fence, then dropped down and cupped his hand, making a step for Sirius. With a lopsided grin, Sirius hoisted himself up, dropped on the other side of the fence and crouched down while Remus scrambled over the fence behind him.

"Stinks like goat shite," Sirius whispered.

"That's not goat shite," Remus looked around and saw a pile of feed near the goats.

He squatted down next to it and rubbed the long pine looking needles between his fingers, then smelled his hand frowning. Not understanding what he was looking at, he picked up one of the needles and bit into it. Pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth, he began to grin.

"Sirius, come here," he hissed back over his shoulder. "It's Laeraro."

"Okay farm boy, what's Laerar?"

"Laeraro. You got your wand?" Remus whispered, smiling as Sirius pulled it from his pocket. "Transfigure me a cup."

Sirius picked up a small stone and making the cup handed in to Remus. Taking the cup to one of the goats, Remus set it on the ground and grabbed one of the goats teats, squeezing a long stream of amber liquid into the cup. Releasing the teat, he picked up the cup grinning.

"Mead," he giggled, handing the cup to Sirius.

Sirius drained the swallow of mead and made a face. "It's hot."

"Shhh," Remus fought not to laugh. "Got to cool it, idiot. It just came from a goat, course it is."

Sirius grinned and looked at the goat, and with a wink at Remus flicked his wand, reducing the goat to a size small enough to fit in his pocket. Hurrying back to the fence, he cupped his hands for Remus.

"You'll never make it," Remus put his hands together and waited for Sirius to go over the fence and then jumped up, grabbed the top and hoisted his body over.

As soon as his feet hit the ground, they both began to run toward the river, as if reading each other's thoughts on where to go. Sirius kept his hand in his pocket, protecting the small goat, until they were safely away and he could remove it and return it to its normal size.

"Fuck," Sirius laughed. "Do you believe this?"

"Aberforth is going to be pissed," Remus guffawed.

"Yeah, but he can't do anything about it."

Remus snorted, "Can you hear him putting in a lost goat report?"

"Yes, Mr. Auror," Sirius mimicked Aberforth's slow speech. "The one that gives mead."

"Give me the cup."

"You have it." Sirius had stopped laughing.

"No I don't. I gave it to you."

Sirius shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head. "Fuck."

"You could use the goat," Remus snorted again, and broke into a gale of laughter.

"It's not funny."

"Yeah, yeah it is!" He eked out between gasps.

Sirius grinned back and picked up a large pebble from the river, transfiguring it into a pitcher, which he handed to Remus and nodded to the goat.

"Dig a hole in the river bank," Remus grinned as he began to fill the jug. "We can cool it down that way, just put it close enough to let the water go around it, but not to deep."

"I always sort of figured you just lived up at that farm for the barn, Moony."

"Nah, it's a real farm. Not as big as what we had before, but … still."

"So, how did you know what that stuff was?"

"The Laeraro? Mum used to tell me the old stories. You know, the Muggle myths, and then where they came from. Laeraro is supposed to smell like … betrayal. Mum says that sometimes the apple represents betrayal, like the story of Adam and Eve, when she ate the apple. The needles smelled like… smoke and apples, but tasted like beer."

Remus handed the jug to Sirius and watched as he put it in the water to cool. "What about the goat?"

"I'm not going back there," Sirius grinned. "She's on her own."

"Full moon is in two days," Remus lay back on the grass and looked up at the sky, his arms folded behind his head. "She's not wild. She should be penned up someplace."

"Do you ever want to… you know... an animal or … anything?"

"I don't know anymore." He rolled his head to the side and saw Sirius sitting on the ground running a blade of grass through his fingers. "Sirius, I don't remember anything. Once the change is over, I don't remember anything until the morning."

"That sucks."

"Yeah," Remus looked back up at the sky. "That's the worse part. Check the mead, it won't take long."

Sirius crawled to the riverbank and picked up the jug, tipping it to his mouth and taking two swallows. "My father says Aberforth always waters down his drink, but I think he has it wrong."

Remus sat up and reached for the mead. "How would you know what good mead tastes like?"

"I get to have it at parties." He shrugged. "Only one glass, but I get to have some."

Remus took a couple of swallows himself, running his sleeve over his mouth to catch the drips. "Not bad."

They sat for the rest of the morning, passing the jug between them until it was empty and then Remus attempted to coax more out of the goat. Tossing the jug to the ground, they stood up and decided it was time to go back into Hogsmeade.

"I'm hungry," Sirius hiccupped. "Three Broomsticks has lunch for less than a galleon. We have plenty."

"Okay," Remus came to his feet grinning. "Rosmerta makes her own bread."

"I just like looking at her."

"Fuck, you liked looking at the goat," Remus laughed as Sirius draped his arm around his shoulder and punched him in the arm.

"If you think the blonde at my Aunt's house had a pair of jugs, just take a good look at Rosie's."

They made their way back into town, leaving the goat at the river, and followed the luncheon crowd into the café. Finding a table away from the window, they sat laughing and joking until Rosmerta brought them a menu.

"Is your Mum with you today?" Rosmerta dropped the menus on the table, putting her hands on her hips.

"No, this is Sirius…Sirius Black." Remus kept his eyes down, suddenly aware he could still smell mead.

"Hey gorgeous," Sirius beamed up at her. "Nice blouse."

"You're drunk," Rosmerta wrested Sirius' chin up, and looked hard into his eyes. "Okay, to the kitchen with both of you."

"Ah, Rosie," Sirius rested his chin in the palm of his hand and grinned up at her. "Feed me."

Remus sniggered and tried not to laugh aloud. "Yeah, feed us," he snorted. "We want goat."

Sirius burst out laughing and slapped the table. "Yeah, no lamb for us … we want the good stuff."

"Remus Lupin, you march your arse into that kitchen," she hissed and then rounded on Sirius. "Black, one more word and I will put my foot where you don't want it. Now march."

Remus stood and jerked his head, indicating that Sirius should follow, and headed towards the back. He pushed the kitchen door open and sauntered in, intending to make it to the table when the smell of greasy sausage filled his nose and he felt his stomach lurch. Clamping his hand over his mouth, he rushed out of the back door and fell onto his knees, vomiting on the ground.

"Good one Moony," Sirius gasped from the doorway. "You're going to kill the grass."

"Black?" Rosmerta pushed him towards the table, biting back a grin. "Sit until he's done, or you're going to clean up the mess the Muggle way."

"Not me, Beautiful." He shook his head and sat at the table as directed. "Us Black's don't work and never, ever, work like a Muggle."

She shot him a look that let him know he was on thin ice and went out to check on Remus. Standing over him, she folded her arms and looked down at his back that rolled each time his gut retched out the mead. She let her smile cover her face as she looked up at the sky and shook her head. Leaning down to look at his face again, she grinned and turned back to the kitchen.

"You know he can't drink this close to the moon," she said as the door closed behind her. "Not that at your age either one of you should anyway, but him most of all."

"He never said anything."

"He wouldn't." She picked up the next order and glared at him. "You two sit until lunch is over. I have work to do and customers to feed. You cost me business and you owe me."

Sirius opened his mouth to protest as she bumped the door with her hip, opening it and sweeping out to the dinning room with a platter full of food. He sniffed the air and snuck over to the stove where a pan of sausages sizzled in hot grease. Smiling he speared one with a fork and took it to the table where he sat munching until Remus came back.

"Shite," he said. "How can you eat that? It smells disgusting."

"Not as disgusting as you," Sirius grinned. "Best sit down before she gets back in here. You hungry?"

"Shut up Black."

"She said you can't drink this close to the moon. That true?"

"That's what the books say. But they say werewolves want raw meat, sleep on the floor and have a big penis … well, that part's true," he snorted.

Sirius laughed and smacked the table with the palm of his hand. "Is that why you wanted the goat?"

"Shut up Black," Remus couldn't help but grin. "My Mum's going to kill us. You know that right?"

They became quiet when the door opened and Rosmerta came in frowning, tossing a tray on the table. "Okay, now tell me where you got it."

"Got what Rosie?" Sirius smirked, his grin slipping as he saw her angry look. "Sorry."

"Yeah, sorry," Remus bit his lower lip.

"That's it." She left the kitchen and stomped upstairs.

"What do you think she is doing?" Remus looked up at the ceiling, following the sound of her footfalls.

"Nothing good. We should leave."

"She'll floo my mum."

"Then I should leave."

"You would leave me?" Remus asked, amazed at Sirius' admission.

"Like a ewe at a full moon."

"She's coming back." Remus looked up at the ceiling again.

"I'm outta here," Sirius muttered and headed for the door, blanching when he found it warded shut.

"What's wrong Black? Haven't learned wards yet?" Rosmerta stood in the doorway watching him. "Now sit your arse down and drink this."

She thumped two vials on the table, slid one over to Remus, and waited until Sirius had uncapped his and poured it into his mouth before picking up the teapot and levitating the desert tray behind her. She paused at the doorway and with a grin set wards to trap them in the kitchen.

"Shite." Both boys said then looked at each other suddenly worried.

"What is this?" Remus held up the vial, looking at it suspiciously.

"Sober up, right nasty too."

"What do we need this for?"

Sirius grinned and leaned the chair back on two legs. "Shut up and drink it Moony."

"Oh," Remus put down the empty vial. "Will it make my stomach better?"

"Doubt it." Sirius looked back at the door nervously. "What do you think she is up to?"

Sirius left the table and peeked out of the diamond shaped window into the dinning room. The last of the customers were just standing up and putting the money down for the meal. He craned his neck, trying to see Rosmerta, and caught a glimpse of her skirt around the corner.

"She's almost done. Looks like she is letting someone out, and only one more to go."

"Great," Remus sighed.

They heard the bell above the outer door ring and Rosmerta's footsteps as she walked back to the kitchen. Remus ran his hand through his hair and tried to sit up straighter, then blew into his hands and smelled his breath.

"Give it up," Sirius smirked. "You lost it in the yard, you think you don't smell?"

"Shut up, Black."

"Okay kids, I want to know exactly who bought for you." Rosmerta walked into the kitchen already yelling at them. "I know damned well you didn't walk into the Hogs Head and plunk your money down. Abs would have your arse in a sling for even trying. Now talk."

Remus put his arms on the table and hung his head, looking up at Sirius who became interested in his shoelaces.

"We can sit here all day you know." She tapped her foot and leaned back against the counter.

"You going to tell my Mum?" Remus squeaked.

"What do you think?"

"I was just asking."

"Well? Speak up unless you want to…" she looked out the window and frowned. "What the bloody hell…" Walking to the back door, she threw it open and looked at the goat that was working on destroying her lilac bush.

Remus licked his lips and swivelled around in his chair as the bleating of the goat filled the room. "Fuck."

She turned back to the boys, her face angrier than Remus thought possible. Swallowing hard he turned back to the table and looked at Sirius, his eyes as large as saucers.

"Gee," Sirius grimaced. "I wonder where that came from."

"I wonder," she seethed. "That crazy loon! That bloody son-of-a-bitch. He's up to it again!"

She yanked her shawl from the hook by the back door, tossed it over her shoulders and proceeded to yank the goat from the bush. Remus' head snapped back to see Sirius' grin.

"Wait," Sirius mouthed, and nodded back to the sight of Rosmerta tugging the goat out of the garden and down the path to the Hogs Head. Once she was out of sight, the boys walked slowly to the open door, tentatively looked out, and once sure the way was clear, began to run.


	26. Third Year Begins

**Disclaimer: Not Mine**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 26**

**Third Year Begins**

* * *

Remus spent the rest of the summer on the farm. He had worried about Rosmerta's inference that she would tell his mother about his day in Hogsmeade, but as the days turned to weeks, and it was time to return to school he had put it to the back of his mind. It was lonely now, without his friends, a feeling with which he was unfamiliar. Since the attack on the ridge, Rhea did not allow him outside, nor was Sirius allowed to visit due to his parents objections. James was likewise locked away and even Peter kept at home not even allowed his owl. John was moody and hard to talk to, refusing Remus' repeated requests to go fishing.

Rhea had let Remus go to Mr. Tonks' house and visit with Moody twice, and had once even joined him just to see the pink haired baby that seemed to take delight in spitting up on everyone. Remus wrinkled his nose and pushed her away, as the women oohed and aahed over the wonderful scent of new babies. He caught Moody's grin from the corner of his eye and knew it was one of those girly things.

He watched the wizard strap on his new wooden leg, hoist himself up and lurch across the room. At the kitchen door, Moody reached out and grabbed the jamb, trying to stay upright only to crash down, landing on his still swollen stump as the wooden leg skittered away.

Remus was already on his feet, running to stop the fall, when Ted's arm yanked him back.

"Want a rag while you're down there old man?" He said lightly. "Meda was going to wash that floor later but seeing as how you are already down there you could help her out."

"Fuck you, Tonks."

"Nah, got company," Ted laughed and pushed Remus back down on the sofa, shaking his head. "Watch your tongue, we got young ears here."

Moody had managed to rise onto his hands and one knee as he looked back into the sitting room under his arm, his arse up in the air, his wooden leg splintered and broken lying next to him.

Rhea moved closer to Remus and patted his hand. "Leave him, he doesn't want help." She made the pretence of smoothing his hair while she whispered into his ear.

"Why?"

"Because he is prideful, stubborn, egotistical, paranoid, and delusional and … did I miss anything, Alastor?" Andromeda called to the man that was still crawling across the kitchen floor.

"No, Meda," he called back over his shoulder as he reached a kitchen chair and started to pull himself up. "That about covers it."

"Good, did I mention stubborn?" Meda laughed.

"Boy, bring me that damned leg." Moody sat huffing for breath on the kitchen chair.

Moody inspected the pieces after Remus picked them up and handed them to him. Shaking his head, he pulled his wand and repaired it, strapped it back on and looked up at Remus who was watching him intently. "This is what that damned St. Mungo's did. They call that thing a leg. It's not a leg it is a lump of fire wood."

"Nah, to soft for firewood," Remus grinned.

"Let me look at that thing," Rhea squatted down in front of Moody, pulled up his trouser leg, and tapped on the wood.

"Ah Lassie," Moody grinned widely. "It's been so long since a pretty one has been on her knees feeling my woo…"

"Alastor Moody!" Rhea jumped up turning red, then seeing his face could not help but laugh. "My son is sitting at your elbow, watch that tongue before you are looking for a new one of those as well."

"One more word and you will be back upstairs." Andromeda fought back her laugh as she stole a glance and saw Remus' face as red as his mother's.

"Better listen to her," Ted coughed into his hand. "That _wood _will soon be thrown in the fire."

"Shut up Ted," Rhea smirked. "You are just giving him another chance, and Merlin knows he doesn't need any encouragement."

"So," Moody frowned and nodded to his leg, "you know anyone can do better? Meda here said your first husband worked in wood. I thought maybe you kept in touch with his old mates."

"He didn't do this kind of thing, no one does any more," Rhea leaned her shoulder against the wall and folded her arms as she thought. "I don't know, Moody, no one wears peg legs anymore. Why not just get … you know… one of the newer ones… like the Muggles wear."

"The metal right?" Remus leaned over the table to see Moody's face better. "You still want to work and the metal throws off the magic."

"Good Merlin, give it up," Ted said.

"Nope." Moody glared at him. 'I got my knee. If I had lost that I'd give it up, but I can still use my knee, it's all I need."

"Mum?" Remus bit his lip. "Remember that old picture? The one at the museum we saw? The guy that had his leg bit off by the shark?"

Rhea looked at him quizzically, a smile tugging at her lips. "An Auror does more than walk around looking pretty, Remus. Not that Moody here can ever look…"

"What guy got his leg bit off?" Moody interrupted, waving off Rhea.

"You need more than a picture," Ted sighed. "You need to see how they fit it to the stump."

"And you need a hard wood, Remus is right about that," Rhea mused, then seeing his face grinned. "Say it and I'll hex you."

"Ted?" Andromeda said thoughtfully. "Molly made that clock, remember? She transfigured models first and then carved the hands. Maybe she could transfigure a model of his…"

"Stump," Moody supplied. "Call it what it is, Meda."

"You will see her at the meeting tonight, you can ask her then," Andromeda offered.

"You and Ted should come with me," he grumbled.

"No," Ted nodded to Remus, silently telling Moody to shut up about the meeting. "I'll have Frank collect you."

"Remus?" Rhea called to him. "It's time we got back, got goats that will soon be hurting."

"Goats?" Moody turned and looked at Remus. "You milk goats?"

"Umm," Remus felt his stomach fall. "Yeah, sometimes."

"So I thought," he smirked. "Now run along boy, fore your mum tells you twice."

.

.

.

At last, it was time to head up to Hogwarts. John refused to let him travel down to London just to ride the train. Attacks on Muggle families had increased. Hardly a day went by that the Daily Prophet did not run a story on the front page about another atrocity wreaked on some unsuspecting and ill-prepared family. Every morning John would watch him cast his Patronus, instructing him on adding a voice to the shimmering wolf.

"Keep practicing," he had said. "Most can't even make a full corporal Partonus at your age, so don't be disappointed if it takes a while."

Remus did keep practicing, often he would sneak down to the barn and work all afternoon, wanting to please John with his accomplishment, only to fail each time he tried. He made one last attempt the morning he was due to leave for Hogwarts. Being too excited to cast a Patronus, little lone use it to send a message, earned him John's disapproval and a lecture that he must learn to clear him mind.

Once they were ready, Rhea waited by the front door to bid him goodbye, nervously watching him put on his robes.

"You remember to see Madam Pomfrey first thing," she said. "She wants to try a potion."

"What kind of potion?"

"It's up to you, Remus." She looked a John over his shoulder. "It's a new potion … a new… wolfsbane."

"That's what St. Mungo's wanted…"

"No," John walked over to them and put his hand on his shoulder. "We won't ever let you use theirs. The Headmaster has personally vouched for this potion. He seems to think it will let you … let you keep your memory, your mind. Even as a wolf you would still be you."

"Like Peter? You know, when he is a rat?"

"Exactly like that," Rhea nodded. "We didn't want to try it here. I want the mediwitch there just in case."

"In case?" Remus said nervously.

"In case it isn't strong enough, or so strong it puts you to sleep. She needs to note your reactions in your file."

"Remus," John grabbed his shoulders and turned him to look at him. "You are growing. She will adjust it to your weight and … age, taking into account the ... age of the wolf. It's important to do this right."

"Yeah, I guess," he nodded. "Will it still hurt?"

"I'm afraid so, son." John slapped him on the shoulder. "Someday, maybe when this bloody war is over and St. Mungos's gets their head out of their arse they will come up with something better, but for now, this is as good as it gets."

"Now, don't get upset with Madam Pomfrey and her pictures. We did this, me and John." Rhea said firmly, putting a bag of galleons in his pocket. "This goes to the infirmary. I am having the potion sent there. You make sure you don't lose it now."

"Wow." Remus put his hand over his pocket and felt the heft of the bag. "Where'd this come from?"

"Don't worry about it boy," John chuckled seeing his eyes get big. "Just make sure it all gets there."

Remus nodded and gave his mother a hug, squeezing his eyes shut as she kissed his cheek. "Ah…"

She cupped his face and grinned. "Third year, just think, you almost didn't go, and here you are a third year."

He pulled her hands from his face and tried to smile. Turning away, he rushed out the door and up to the property line where he waited for John, and looked sadly back at the house. He had felt her hand when he pulled away. Had felt the smoothness of her finger where her wedding ring should be. He slid his own hand into his pocket and held the bag tightly, part of him wanting to shove it back, knowing how much it cost, and part of him wanting a larger bag, to ensure he never lost his mind again.

.

.

He walked up to the infirmary, his shoes clicking against the stones and echoing in the empty halls. He had begged until John had agreed to bring him early enough to see Madam Pomfrey before the sorting rather than missing most of the ceremony again, sitting as she ran between him and Snape. He wondered why the Slytherin had to report the same as he did. Unless Snape was a werewolf, it didn't make any sense to him.

He sat swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, waiting for the mediwitch that had been unprepared for his early visit, and had left him to get her diagnostic wand, which she had left in her chambers. His eyes kept going to the two files that sat on the nightstand. He looked at all the pictures on the wall and tried to wait patiently, but again his eyes fell on the files.

He could hear the sound of the thestral pulled carts and figured Madam Pomfrey would be waiting at the steps to snag Snape in his yearly attempt to dash into the Great Hall. He could take it no longer. He jumped up and flipped open the file.

He saw pictures, something like the pictures in his files, but these were marked with small circles and lines. He frowned and flipped through them, reading the dates and could not understand how they went back before what should have been their first year. Leaning closer to the file, he turned the pictures over and again started through them, this time reading the accompanying reports.

"Mr. Lupin!" Madam Pomfrey angrily ripped the file from his hands and clutched it to her chest. "How dare you? What right do you…?" She turned from him, her hands shaking as she put the file down before turning back, her smile again in place.

"I expect your compete silence on this matter," she said as she pointed to the bed and indicated for Remus to take his position on the edge.

"His dad does that?"

"Mr. Lupin, I will not discuss another student with you," she said crisply, as she leaned over and peered in his ears.

"Yeah, but it's not like … like he is sick, or there is something wrong with him," he whispered. "That isn't right. Peter says his dad smacks him round, but not like that."

"Mr. Pettigrew gets a well deserved paddle. On occasion his … father … may…," she sighed and stepped back looking at him. "What Mr. Pettigrew does to Peter is wrong, what Mr. Snape does is an abomination."

"Can't someone stop it? He is only a Muggle, you could…"

"Only a Muggle, Mr. Lupin?"

"I didn't mean it that way, I meant… can't Snape stop him?"

"He is his father, Remus, and as sad as that is, he is the only father he has known."

"You think he…do you think he loves him?"

"Mr. Lupin, we have said enough, both of us. I must insist this goes no further."

Remus nodded, then reached in his pocket and plucked out the bag. "Mum said this is for my medicine."

"Thank you, Mr. Lupin." She took the bag and tucked it in her pocket. "And since you will be serving detention later this evening for prying into my personal files I see no reason to keep you now. Run along, your friends should be just arriving."

"Yes, Madam." He slid to the floor and began to run to the hallway.

"Mr. Lupin, do remember what is said here goes no further."

.

.

.

Remus skidded around the corner, nearly colliding with Severus. Pulling himself up and stepping to the side to let the quiet Slytherin pass he nodded in greeting, studying his face and feeling like he needed to say something.

"Hi, Snape. She's waiting for you."

"You weren't on the train."

"Nah, wanted to get through this and go to the sorting," Remus let his eyes run over Severus' face then travel to his hands, looking for proof of what he had just seen in the boy's file. "She's letting me come back after the sorting. Maybe she will let you wait."

Severus looked down the hall at the infirmary door and slowly back to Remus. "What else did she tell you?"

"Nothing, just that I could wait and come back later," Remus looked down and shoved his hands in his pockets, knowing it was too close to dusk, and the light too dim.

Severus saw Remus' face redden and the way he looked down at the floor, kicking the stones and avoiding his eyes. Feeling uncomfortable, he stepped away from the Gryffindor and headed down to the infirmary, feeling Remus watching him as he continued.

"Hey, Snape," Remus called to him. "Was Lily on the train with you?"

Slowly turning around, Severus scowled at him. "What's it to you?"

"Just wondering."

"You leave her alone, and tell those creeps you sit with to leave her alone."

"Hey," Remus snorted. "Get off it. It's not like I won't see her, she's in my house ya know."

"Yeah? Well you can tell that James Potter for me to lay off her. If I hear he is pushing her around again I'll take care of him myself."

"He doesn't mean it. He talks like that to everyone." Remus swallowed hard, remembering how cutting James' tongue could be.

"Tell him I don't like it, no one likes it," the taller boy said, then turned and walked slowly to the infirmary.

"Arse," Remus muttered under his breath when he knew the Slytherin was far enough away not to hear.

Running to the side door, he saw Peter step out of the cart, followed by James and Sirius. He waved to them and waited until they made their way up the path before going back in and finding a place at the table.

"That Snape arsehole was on the train," James grinned. "Evans was down in the Slytherin compartment with him. Then something Mulciber said must have pissed her off cuz she switched to ours and started out on how _evil_ he was."

"She didn't say _evil_," Peter laughed. "She called him a git."

"She likes Snape and she calls _Mulciber_ the git?" Remus smiled. "I just saw him and he says we should leave her alone. Seems he doesn't want us talking to her."

"Really?" James grinned. "Shove over, here she comes. Hey, Evans!" he called as she walked by.

"Hi, Lupin, Black, Pettigrew," she nodded to each, ignoring James.

"Ah, that hurts," James laughed. "Come on, sit down. It's the sorting and we should sit in our years."

Lily looked down the table, not seeing another space to sit, except up front where the first-years would be, and with a shrug she sat down next to Remus.

"So, Evans," James smirked, "where is your boyfriend?"

"He is not my boyfriend," she looked at him coldly. "We grew up together and he is nice to me, a lot nicer than some."

"I didn't know that," Remus turned to look at her oddly. "I thought his mother was a witch and you were Muggle. I thought you met him on the train."

"She is, only … she doesn't use her magic. Severus says his dad doesn't like it. He lives at the far end of the same town."

"Why not?" Remus asked.

"Because he's a Muggle," James said, leaning back in his chair. "They are scared of us."

"Not too scared," Sirius smirked. "We got Evans here, and Remus' dad was a Muggle. He couldn't have been too scared, after all he shagged her."

Lily stood up as Remus leaned over the table, ready to hit James with his fist. She grabbed Remus' arm and pushed him back into his seat.

"Don't you ever stop?" she hissed at James. "At least Severus isn't crude."

"Shut up, James," Remus spat.

"Ah, come on. I didn't mean it like it was a bad thing. They got married is all I meant. He couldn't have been too scared if he married her."

Remus looked down at his plate then stood up, swung his leg over the bench and climbed back into the aisle. "I'm not hungry. I am going to check if the trunks are up in the rooms yet."

"Remus?" Peter stood up to join him, shooting a look at James. "I'll come with you. It's a while before the food comes anyway."

"Meet you up in the tower?" Sirius asked, frowning at James. "We'll nick a plate for you."

"Way to go," Sirius said after they had walked away. "You really need to cut it out around him. You know how he gets."

"Acts like a sissy sometimes, especially around Evans. He knew I was joking."

"Yeah, well… maybe not. Just watch it, okay?"


	27. Cigars and New Freedoms

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 27**

**Cigars and New Freedoms**

* * *

Professor McGonagall held onto James' ear despite his protests and howls, pleased that he followed her so easily. It was also a technique that kept the other three scurrying behind her, and ensured she did not have to talk to them as she crisply strode down the hallway toward the spiral staircase that would take them up to the Headmaster's office.

"Step lively," she snipped as they entered the room at the top of the stairs, releasing James and pointing to the four chairs Albus had already set up for them opposite his at the massive desk. "Don't be shy now, you were not shy about getting here, now is no time for modesty."

Albus stood with his hands clasped behind his back peering over his spectacles as the four third-year boys rushed towards the chairs, each wanting the one at the end. He raised his eyebrow at Minerva as a ghost of a smile played across his face.

"Headmaster, it seems we have four boys that think they are much older than their years and are hell bent on setting their chambers on fire."

"I see," he chuckled. "I did the same thing once myself. I never did like those curtains on the bed. However, I somehow feel this is more than a spell gone astray."

Remus swallowed hard, and looked to his right only to see Peter studying the carpet. Leaning forward he looked over Peter at Sirius and saw his grin. _Not now_, he thought, _please just shut up_. James elbowed him in the ribs and turning to the left he saw James jerk his head back, telling him to sit back in his chair and stop looking at Sirius.

He quickly complied, knowing that all Sirius needed was a little encouragement and a simple night's detention would stretch out to a month. He swallowed again, feeling his mouth go dry and looked up to see the Headmaster's eyes looking directly at him.

"Well, Mr. Lupin," Albus said kindly, leaning over the desk and staring into his eyes. "I would say I am surprised to see you here, but as of late I seem to be seeing a lot of you."

"Thank you sir?" he squeaked. "It is good to see you too?"

Remus heard a strangled snort from the chair next to Peter at the same time James' foot found his shin. "Or not," he added, trying to recover and sending Sirius into uncontrolled laughter.

"Mr. Black." The Headmaster changed his focus at once. "Would you care to share the joke with the rest of us?"

"No," Sirius snorted. "But… it's good to see you too sir."

James dropped his head and bit his lip as Minerva walked to the window, putting her back to the desk, unable to keep a straight face watching Albus struggle to keep his own. A simple "_Fuck_" came from Peter's chair.

"Mr. Pettigrew, would you repeat that for all to hear?" Albus said sternly.

"Suck, sir. I meant to say this sucks, sir?" Peter snapped his head up and tried to look contrite.

"I thought that was what you said. Although equally as impolite." He looked up at Minerva who had turned back to stare at Peter, horrified that he would say what he did in the Headmaster's presence. "Professor McGonagall, perhaps you would like to join us."

He sat down at the desk seeing each boy suddenly grow sober as Minerva began the story of her recent bed check, the unmistakable smell of cigars and later the wastebasket bursting into flames. Remus grimaced as the Headmaster opened his desk drawer and pulled out five cigars, which he placed on the desktop and offered to them. Upon hearing their refusal, Albus smiled and lovingly picked one up, held it under his nose and inhaled deeply.

"This has a subtle hint of cherry," he sighed, then snipped off the end and using a candle to light it, dragged great puffs of smoke into his cheeks then blew a cloud towards the boys. "Are you sure you won't join me?"

Remus felt his already queasy stomach begin to roll and turned quickly to Peter who looked as green as he felt. He swallowed and realized too late it was the wrong thing to do. Even as the saliva was building back up in his mouth, he felt the last swallow trying to come back. Another cloud of smoke encircled his head before he clamped his hand over his mouth and bolted out of the door, elbowing Peter out of his way as they both ran pall-mall down the stairs.

James lasted two more puffs, and Sirius feeling his head begin to spin staggered out shortly after, falling down the last four steps and barely making it outside before his dinner landed on the ground.

"You are evil," Minerva chuckled as Albus used his wand to clean the air.

"I find a little additive to the smoke always does the trick my dear. Let's hope it is a while before they have a taste for smoking again."

"Yes, well… I am sure sleeping in their beds should drive it home. I have instructed the elves not to clean their room until tomorrow and it reeks. Whatever was in that waste bin has left a mess in the room."

"Have you decided on detention?"

"Sending them to Hagrid does not work. I think Remus actually enjoys the time out of doors and Peter has taken a liking to those things Hagrid calls cakes."

"Which one supplied the contraband?"

"We both would say Black, but Potter was rather quiet which leads me in his direction."

"Mr. Lupin would not have the funds and Mr. Pettigrew would have purchased Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Beans instead of cigars. I think it is time to let Mr. Potter and Black stew this one out themselves. Whichever one made the purchase I am sure the second was at his side."

.

.

Sirius picked up the next trophy cup and handed it to Potter who sat on the floor polishing one after another, stacking the ones that he finished to the side and sighing as he looked down at the row yet undone.

"She could have given us a detention for the night instead of saying to polish all of them," James complained. "This could take all week."

"How did he know it was us?" Sirius muttered. "I don't see Lupin and Pettigrew working their arses off."

"You think it was him and not her? I don't know Sirius, she seems to know more than I gave her credit for. Like last time, she knew right off who set the Doxy loose in the owlery."

They both jumped as a rat scurried by, only to round back and sit up on its haunches, twitching its nose as it smelled the air.

"Fuck, Peter, knock it off," James sighed. "You keep doing this and you're going to get caught."

Peter morphed back into his normal self, wearing his pyjama bottoms and grinning. "I can almost change with my regular clothes, scary hey?"

Sirius frowned and handed the next trophy to James. "I haven't got it yet. I think I should have picked a smaller dog."

"Where's Lupin?" James asked seeing Peter pick up a rag and start polishing with him.

"He had to see Pomfrey," Peter looked at Sirius solemnly. "They are going to give him Wolfsbane Potion."

"What?" Sirius turned back from the glass case he was emptying and stared at Peter. "It can kill him."

"He said it was a special brew, one his Mum and Dad found, not one of St. Mungo's. He said it was safe."

"Why tonight?" James asked.

"He takes it three nights, two before and then when he starts to change."

"That sucks," James muttered, bending back to his polishing.

They all turned at the sound of footsteps and saw Remus walking towards them grinning. "You have to do all these?"

"How'd it go?" Peter called out.

"I don't know yet," Remus sat down next to James and started polishing.

"Remus?" Sirius questioned, seeing Remus lower his head he knew not to push. "Okay, you guys polish and Peter and I will do the cases."

"Most of these are for Quidditch." James held up the last trophy he had polished. "If I got one I wouldn't want it hidden down here. I'd want it up in the main hall for everyone to see."

"Right, try outs are in three days. We will still be down here polishing." Sirius shot him a look. "Ya know, if you learned keep your mouth shut we wouldn't be here."

"Yeah," Remus laughed, "I think the fire would have done it even if we didn't have the cigars. Did you see McGonagall's face?"

Peter snorted, "She can out scare my Gram's face and that's saying a lot. Why do you think she thought it was the cigars that set the fire anyway?"

"Shut up, Peter." James swatted him with the polishing rag. "If she finds out we were setting off fireworks it could be worse."

In the corner of the trophy room, a small tabby cat sat quietly in the shadows. Her pupils enlarged to adjust to the dim light. She laid her ears forward to hear better, as she rested her head on her paws. _Just like the damn fools_, she thought to herself, _punish two and the whole lot show up. _Then realizing she would have felt disappointed if they had not, she silently crept away.

.

.

.

Madam Pomfrey stopped halfway down the path, gave Remus his potion, then walked with him until they stood near the Whomping Willow where she cast diagnostic spells, taking a final reading on his heart and pulse rate for comparison to the ones she would take in the morning.

Unsure of how WolfsBane Potion worked, she had scoured the library and every medical tome she had for information. However, the books only spoke of theories and how adult werewolves responded, never making mention of one as young as Remus. Halfway through her reading she had thrown the book into the bin when she realized none of the case studies contained first person accounts, or more then physical descriptions of the potions effects, when what she sorely needed was data on the mental changes.

She had tried to explain to Remus what would happen, but had watched as he looked out the window, swinging his legs over the edge of the examining table, pretending he was not paying attention, and knew that he was afraid to hope. Afraid to let his mother down again, afraid that if this did not work he would be lost, afraid that if he could not find himself in the wolf, the animal would take more and more control of his everyday life until it was gone as well.

Tonight was the Hunter's Moon, the moon that he feared above all others. The moon that could control him even before it showed, and let the wolf live under his skin for three days more. He sometimes thought if he were to lose control, he would do so during a Hunter's Moon. Because of this, he had convinced Madam Pomfrey to test the potion now. If he could make it through tonight, if he could see the sky and know the names of the stars, he knew he could always make it back.

Remus had learned not to fight the change. It has hard enough without holding it back, tensing his body against the invasion and screaming in anger. The screams wrung from his body now, were from the pain of change and the rage he felt each time it started. No longer did he scream and cry as a child, no longer from the ripping of sinew or the grinding of bone. Now, he yelled in anger, anger that Greyback was allowed to do this to him. That he was not hunted down and killed. That every moon, Greyback was free to kill again, while he sat near the tunnel under a willow, in a windowless room, and cried for what was lost.

The change was fast. Faster then he remembered it had ever been before. The pain intense, but fast, quickly gone. The wolf sat in the middle of the empty room and raised its snout to the ceiling, smelling the damp and moss and the woman that stood above. Remus' mind raced as the new sensations assailed him. He felt the cool floor beneath the pads of his paws and on his nose, but the rest of his body felt dull, not warm or cold, not open to the breeze of the wind or the cold of the night. The wolf opened its mouth and began to pant as Remus' felt anxious, felt the need to move, to run, to find the moon and open fields.

The wolf stood and began to stalk through the room, Remus seeing the floor clearly and smelling the tunnel knew what the wolf had not. Remus turned his head toward the tunnel and let the wolf know how to leave. Together they rushed to the open air. Freedom beat in their chest, as they ran onto the gently sloping grounds of Hogwarts.

The wolf looked up instinctively as Remus searched the sky. One saw the mighty hunter Orion and his dog, Sirius, waiting for the hunt, as the other sniffed the air and watched for danger. Remus sought the proud Queen Cassiopeia sitting regally on her throne, and in finding her; he knew he was not lost. The wolf sniffed out the woman and forced Remus' eyes to find her and then together they walked toward the still figure bright in the wolf's eyes, although standing in shadow.

Remus forced the wolf down on its stomach, and whining in submission, crawled to her, wanting to talk but unable to make a sound.

"Remus?" Madam Pomfrey squatted before him, and hesitantly stretched out her hand, seeing the wolf creep toward her on its stomach. "Shhh, run lad. Go, tis alright now."

She stood up and slipped her hand in her pocket, remembering too late Rhea's warning. Stepping back, she saw the wolf's lip curl, then suddenly it turned and ran from her. She watched as it ran across the grounds, going ever higher onto the misty plains, and thought that maybe, just maybe it was Remus that ran.

Turning back to the castle, she felt her eyes begin to tear and swiped her hand across her face angrily. She could not afford to cry now. Now that Remus' work had just begun. The argument with the Headmaster had been postponed. Until the night was over and the test completed. Now, she had to chart the results to take it to him. _Stubborn_ _old fool_, she thought.

Madam Pomfrey argued that the wolf should be allowed to control the boy, be chained, contained and shut away. Hidden from the boy's mind. It was his parents and the Headmaster that insisted on this foolishness. _Damned fools_, she had called them. Damned fools to think he could control the wolf's body. Damned fools to think a hunter's gun would not find him, or Greyback's pack not lure him back as their own.


	28. Bad Potions and Worse Friends

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 28**

**Bad Potions and Worse Friends**

* * *

During the holidays, Remus stayed in his room much of the time. Unwilling to sit downstairs and try to be festive as his mother baked his favourite foods, and put cookies in tins for him to take back to the dorm. John had once again clearly told him that he was to stay inside and keep his mother company. It was doubly hard to stay in his room when the snow drifted on the ridge and knew how his sled would skim over the icy crust left by last night's drizzle. For the first time he looked forward to his transformation. With the potion he could run free here on the farm, not worried about being seen, not worried about the sounds of his howls reaching unwanted ears.

"Remus," Rhea called up the stairs, "get your coat on and get down here. We are going out."

He jumped up and grabbed his coat from the floor where he had thrown it, pushed his arms into the sleeves and thundered down the stairs. "Where are we going?"

"Does it matter?" Rhea grinned at him. "I haven't seen you move this fast all week, and put on a hat, it's freezing out there."

"Mum, come on," he whined. "At least give me a hint."

"Waterstone's, they are having a year end sale and I thought we may find something."

"Waterstone's?" He smiled widely and hurried to the fireplace. "I want a book on Cartography, and one of those Calligraphy sets, with water based ink, not like what we have, and …"

"Whoa," Rhea laughed. "I thought you wanted a book on making flies for John."

"That too. If he wants to learn how to fish for real, and not just for an excuse to talk, he needs one."

"That's going to rule out Waterstone's." Rhea frowned. "How about I take you to the used book store? We will try Watkins first and just go from there. Let's make a day of it. Only one stop on the way, then the day is free."

"Dad's book was by Ted Leeson. You think we can find one like what he had?"

"We can try. Men don't often sell their books on fishing until they are so old the pages are ragged, but we can look."

"Can we stop at the Ministry and see Moody?"

Rhea tossed him a knitted hat and pulled her own on as she considered what he had asked. "I don't think that would be a good idea Remus, maybe we can owl him and invite him to meet us for tea. I want you to keep away from the Ministry."

"Rhea?" John said from the kitchen door. "Moody is on suspension for a couple of weeks. He wouldn't be there anyway."

"What for?" Rhea puzzled.

"Some problem he had with Aberforth."

"Aberforth? Why would he have a suspension over Aberforth?"

"Something about contraband goods and serving under aged kids. Didn't sound like something he would do, but from what I hear Moody caught him dead to rights."

"Caught him," Rhea said nervously. "What are they going to do with him?"

"Nothing, seems Moody destroyed the goods and a good part of the Hog's Head while he was at it. Aberforth said if they don't press charges he won't either."

"He could do that? Against an Auror?" Remus asked feeling ill.

"Of course, being an Auror isn't licence to do what you want. There are laws protecting people against being unjustly accused and treated unfairly. At least it used to be," he muttered the last, looking at Rhea.

"Hurry up, Remus,' Rhea said, turning away from John. "There is a stop we are making before we get to the bookstores."

"Yeah, but…you know, Moody. Will he still be able to work? He thought with his wooden leg and all…"

"He is fine, just… don't bring it up with him. I think he is a little embarrassed about losing his temper."

"Yeah?" Remus felt his stomach roll. "What makes you think that?"

"He said something about telling you in his own good time," John said with a shrug. "Unless you know something else about…"

"No, nothing, nothing at all." Remus swallowed hard and turned back to his mother. "So…maybe we should be hurrying. You said we have to make a stop first, where?"

"Someplace you need to see." John slid on his coat and waked to the door. "I want you to meet a Dr. Gramm."

Remus hurried outside with his mother, not wanting the conversation to go back to Moody. He had to get in touch with Sirius, he thought. He stepped next to John as his mothers arm wrapped around his shoulders, keeping his eyes lowered and trying not to look guilty as they apparated away.

They landed between two buildings on what Remus was soon to learn was the campus of a university, situated in the heart of London. He clenched his jaw and shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling his anger start and the wolf begin to move.

"I don't need a doctor. I don't want…"

"Whoa boy." John grabbed his arm and held him still.

"Eyes down," Rhea whispered as she stepped closer, "hold your temper. He's not that kind of doctor. The Muggles use it the same way we use Master…sort of a title of learning if I understand it right. Dr. Gramm knew your Dad. He wants to see you."

"Knew him how?" Remus questioned, not quite believing the title of Doctor did not mean Healer.

"Remus," John interrupted, "your Dad, rightly so, was worried about how far you could go in our world. He wanted to make sure you had options and this was one of them. So do this for him. Not for me, not for your mother, but for him."

The rest of the morning, they spent walking through the campus and finding Dr. Gramm's office, where he was introduced to a short heavy-set man that promptly gave him a tour of the biomedical research department. All the while Remus was wondering what was going on. He nodded politely and looked into labs that both confused and thrilled him.

"Dr. Gramm?" he asked hesitantly. "What are they looking for?"

"Many things, Remus." Dr. Gramm smiled. "This area is for pure research. Steven, the one in the first lab we stopped in, is studying how certain chemicals damage DNA. Do you know what DNA is?"

"Sort of, but…not really."

"Then you would fit right it," Dr. Gramm chuckled. "The more we learn the more questions we have."

"Headmaster Dumbledore says a good education should teach us the questions and not the answers." Remus stopped and looked into the door's window of the next room. "What are they doing?"

"We test on animals." He looked at Remus from the corner of his eye. "It has to be done. We cannot very well give a patient a medicine with no idea of what can happen. Here we record the results of those in the test, and compare them to others that are given the old treatment, or medicine. The third group gets nothing at all."

Remus stepped back from the window and turned to Dr. Gramm. "What did you want to see me for?"

Dr. Gramm looked up and down the hallway before speaking. "I am a squib, Remus. Like you, I have no place in the other world. No one there would hire me, nor will they hire you. A long time ago, your father came to me, and asked if there was anything we could do for your condition. I will tell you the same thing I told him. The only thing I can offer you is a place in this University."

"I … I … don't …"

"I have spoken to your Headmaster and have learned your grades are quite high. If you keep them up and spend your summers studying … Muggle lessons… science and math, I will do everything I can to get you enrolled here."

"Here?" Remus licked his lip, confused at what Dr. Gramm had offered.

"We also have one more thing to do." Dr. Gramm began walking at a fast pace. "Your parents are waiting for us. I have some news about the potion you have been taking."

They made their way back to his office where Rhea and John sat waiting. When the door opened, Rhea stood and went to Remus, smiling thinly.

"Mum? What's wrong?" Remus said, seeing her face.

"Sit down," she said softly.

"Over here," John indicated the chair at the desk, opposite Dr. Gramm.

"I am afraid it is about your potion, Remus." Dr. Gramm sat down heavily. "The last lab we saw has been conducting experiments on some of the same ingredients in the potion you are ingesting. I am going to suggest you stop at once."

"Why? Madam Pomfrey says it's …"

"Madam Pomfrey can only check the short term effects, not the long term. The long term is not hopeful," Dr. Gramm said with a sigh. "Damocles, Damocles Belby is working on something right now that may be available soon. He is using a different strain of Wolfsbane. _A_conite has over two hundred varieties, which he has spent years working to narrow down. The problem with the one you are taking is complex. However, if the test results we currently have are any indication it would be dangerous for you to continue."

"What about the amounts he has already taken?" Rhea asked nervously.

"One or two months would not contain enough to accumulate in his system. I am sorry, Rhea, Remus." He turned and looked at Remus. "This is what we do here. It is not as exciting as duels and wearing a fancy uniform at the Ministry, and here you must hide not only what you are but who you are. However, the rewards are worth it, Remus. You think about the offer and if you are interested you come back when you are done at Hogwarts."

"So, there is nothing you can do? You said when you contacted us that…" John started angrily, coming to his feet.

"No, I have taken the liberty of sending Madam Pomfrey certain … Muggle medicine… used for … anger management." Dr. Gramm ran his hand through his hair. "That medicine, combined with the sedatives she was administering before, adjusted to the correct dose, should help greatly. Remus, you will be less…anxious, less likely to feel the urges to harm."

"I don't know what the wolf feels," Remus said glumly.

"This may help with that. There is a small amount of … animal tranquillizer in the dose you will take just before the transformation. It should ease the pain a little, but not completely, and keep some of the wolf's mind … asleep."

"Doctor?" Rhea asked. "Can you increase the amount of the tranquillizer so he will sleep through the whole thing?"

"No," he sighed. "I am afraid that would calm the beast but could kill the boy on his retransformation. Rhea, I will ask you to write down who brewed the potion you purchased. If he is selling it to you I am sure…"

"I don't know," she bit her lip and looked at John. "I got it from that place in Knockturn, they said…"

"The one at the end of the alley? With the bat wings in the window?" John turned to her.

"Yes, I thought…" she stammered, dabbing at her eyes, "they said it was being used in Italy. I … John, it cost your whole savings and now we can't use it. I'm sorry… I just thought… just…"

"That is fine Mrs. Dawlish, you can't be faulted. However, I will visit them, without notifying the Ministry. If they stop selling the brew we will consider the matter closed."

"And if not," John said, "I will take care of it."

"In the meantime," Dr. Gramm said, standing up to signal the end of the meeting. "Save your money, Rhea. I am sure there are other ways to spoil the boy without wasting it on bad potions."

"They said it was safe, that they were using it in Italy, that…"

"I understand," Dr. Gramm said kindly, holding her back as John and Remus stepped into the hall. "Rhea, if he were older, full grown with no hope I would say take it. It would give him peace, but in the process slowly destroy what the wolf has not. Promise me now, promise me no more of this potion or he will be dead in a few short years."

"And the new potion?"

"It is not in the test stage yet. Once it is, it will go slowly, it is not a medicine that we can test daily. It will take years for it to meet approval. However, Remus is young enough to be here to benefit from it. If it works, if what I hear is true, it will ward off the early aging and he will have a full life."

.

.

.

After the holidays, Remus and the others began to make plans. They would map the areas they used the most, the tower and the shrieking shack first, and use the tracking spells John had taught Remus on their hunting trips. This way, by keeping the map handy when they were out, they could see if someone was coming too near and have time to hide, or sneak away.

Remus practiced with his new pens and ink, wanting to make the map more then just scratches on a piece of paper. Peter was assigned the job of running own the hallways, counting his steps as he went. They would then take the total and multiply by his stride to come up with the length. Drawing the map to map to scale, they kept running into inconsistencies.

"Do it again Peter," James said tiredly.

"I've checked three times. It's Sirius that's off, he never did get good grades in multiplying."

"No one did Peter," James said with a smirk. "They don't teach it here, you're just supposed to learn it."

"Ya know, my Dad's house has a passage behind the bookcase. I bet there are all sorts of secret passages and hidden rooms in this place. It's so old, there could be dozens." Sirius looked up from the map, brushing his hair from his eyes.

"We need to find them." James grinned. "Most of the places that seem off are down in the dungeons. I bet there are hidden stairs down there. How else would Slughorn manage to catch us so often?"

"Maybe, but I bet the Slytherins know about them," Peter muttered.

"Don't you go asking about them," Sirius said frowning. "They don't need to know what we are doing."

"I bet there is something in the library about the floor plan. You know, in all those History of Hogwarts books. Maybe not pictures, but in some of the stories," Remus said hopefully.

"We have to read?" Peter looked disappointed.

"It doesn't make your dick fall off ya know," Sirius snorted. "Anyway, that cute Ravenclaw girl is up there all the time."

"Which one?" Remus asked.

"Dark brown curls, legs that just keep going, and what an arse," Sirius sighed. "Daisy or something like that."

"Sullivan? She's a seventh year," James said with a smirk. "_Daisy_, it's Rose you idiot."

"I knew it was a flower," Sirius returned indignantly.

"I think if you call her Daisy she may take offence," Remus grinned. "Not a good way to pick up a girl."

"She may not let me touch but she can't stop me from looking," Sirius smiled. "Come on, Moony. Let's go read. It will look better if at least one of us knows where the books are kept."

"Wait," James shouted catching up. "Lily may be up there. I should go with you instead."

"Give it up," Remus laughed. "She hasn't talked to you in two weeks."

"How was I supposed to know she was so touchy?"

"Touchy? You said she stunk," Sirius sniggered.

"Did not," James pouted. "I just said her new perfume smelled like a wet dog."

"Yeah, don't know where she would get the idea you were being rude," Peter laughed.

"I don't get it," James mused as the four walked towards the library. "She likes that Snape guy but won't give me the time of day."

"She needs to stay away from that group," Sirius interjected. "From what I hear this new Voldemort fellow is targeting some of their families. That's what they call him you know, Tom Riddle is now Lord Voldemort."

"Targeting?" Remus stopped walking and stared at Sirius.

"Not that way, Moony. He wants the oldest families, the purest, the ones that know the dark arts to join him, he wants to build up a bigger army."

"Grams said there are as many in Ravenclaw," Peter shrugged. "She says he wants the ones smart enough to help with new spells and stuff."

"Well, Lily needs to know what's going on and stay away from Snape and that Mulciber he hangs around with," James said. "She seems to think it is just some sort of political group that wants to run things. Even with all the stuff in the papers she just… she won't believe it. She thinks Riddle is just a … thug."

"Yeah, I wonder where she is getting that from," Sirius sneered. "She needs to stay away from those Slytherins."

"Do you think it is all true?" Remus mused. "I mean, we all know the Prophet prints bull-shite anyway."

"It's worse than they put in the papers," Sirius said quietly, holding Remus' arm and keeping him back from the others. "Peter and James… well their families are in the thick of it, and mine… they are Blacks…enough said. But you need to talk to Moody if you don't believe us, or that father of yours. He's an Auror, he knows."


	29. The Summer of Tiffany

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 29**

**The Summer of Tiffany**

* * *

The summer between third and fourth year was one that Remus would always think of as one of freedom and as the summer of Tiffany. It was the first time he was allowed to travel into the Muggle world alone and the first time he walked into a cinema and saw and heard what he was sure was a magic all of its own. At the first flicker of the lights, he was mesmerized, and by the time the movie was over, he was surprised to find Sirius snickering at him and the world he had been immersed in gone.

"Gods, Moony," his friend laughed. "It's not even a good one. Wait until there is really something worth watching."

"Cor," Remus breathed, looking around the emptying theatre, getting his bearings back. "You come here often?"

"Nah, I like the old movies. There's a place up at Stafford that shows all the good ones. There's this one, The Great Escape, that has these guys in a prison, and one gets hold of a motorcycle and tries to jump the barbed wire. It's about the coolest thing I've seen. Seen it seven times."

"Yeah?" Remus stood up and stretched. "Maybe we could head up there."

"My favourite is Easy Rider," Sirius talked over his shoulder as they made their way between the seats to the aisle. "Wait until you see that one."

"Does it cost as much as this one did?" Remus slid his hand into his pocket and felt the small number of coins he held.

"Not if we go earlier," Sirius frowned. "Hey, man. Sorry about this, I should have thought. We could have come to the matinee."

"Matinee?"

"Yeah, same movie, just around noon time, before it gets busy. Full of lonely old women, but it's cheap."

Remus squinted as they stepped into the lobby, lowering his eyes and following Sirius out into the dark streets. "I need to head back."

"Ever ride in a taxi?"

"Yeah, that and the trains. Mum would bring me here sometimes. We used to go to the museums and stuff like that. Don't do it much anymore, only the bookshops once in a while."

"Ever had a hot fudge sundae?" Sirius asked with a wide smile.

"Had them with chocolate." Remus smiled.

"Nah, these are better. Come on, we have time if we hurry. Wait until you see who makes them."

"Ah, come on, do I have to watch you do this again?"

"What? She's built."

"Aren't they all?"

"Yeah, you got a point. It's over there." Sirius pointed to a small café across the street. "My treat, honestly you're gonna love it."

"Fine, just remember I got to get back before John grounds me."

They waited until a car shot past them before darting out into traffic and dodging the next one that careered towards them, horn blaring and brakes screeching. Sirius flipped the driver his middle finger as he sauntered into the café, holding the door open for Remus to catch up. Once they were both inside, they slid into an empty booth, looking around and seeing only two other tables taken.

"There," Sirius nodded to a young girl in a pink nylon uniform behind the counter. "What'd I say?"

Remus dropped his head and peeked back under his arm to see who Sirius was after this time and for the first time felt his breath catch. "Cor," he grinned. "Yeah, that one is okay. Thought all you wanted were the blondes."

"She is," Sirius frowned and leaned over the table to swat him on the head. "Not that one you oaf, the one at the end."

Remus looked back over his shoulder glancing at the blonde as his eyes wandered back to the brunette, who chose just that moment to look up and catch his gaze. He quit breathing as she smiled and held up one finger, signalling she would be with them shortly.

"Fuck," Remus turned back to the table and swallowed hard. "Now what? She caught me looking."

Sirius leaned back and looked from him to the brunette and back again before leaning over the table. "Just tell her she looks good."

"Yeah, I see how well that works for you," Remus snorted.

"It does too work," Sirius snipped.

"That's why you are taking me out on Saturday night and not some bird," Remus said flatly. "In case I forgot to mention it, I don't kiss on the first date either."

"Shut up, Moony," Sirius wadded up the paper placemat and threw it at him grinning.

"Take your order?" The brunette asked looking at Remus.

"We thought this was Gloria's section." Sirius craned his neck up and looked toward the counter.

"It is." The brunette said as she tapped her order pad with her pen. "She told you last time she wouldn't wait on your arse again. Remember?"

Remus snorted and let out a loud guffaw as Sirius tried to cover his embarrassment.

"Fine, just bring two of your special Hot Fudges with the works," Sirius grumbled and sneered as she turned away with a giggle. "Cow."

"She is not," Remus said wiping his eyes. "You need lessons?"

"Me? It's not me that's never got a feel of tit," he said hotly. "Remember the chick down at the river?"

"Shhh!" Remus looked back at the counter. "She's going to hear you, you know."

"Yeah, well she should."

"And the one down at the ferry didn't let you. That fat guy pushed you."

"It still counts," Sirius grinned.

"Here you go." One sundae slid in front of Sirius as Remus looked up at the tray she was holding and saw it empty. "You haven't been here from what I remember so I didn't know what you wanted on it. Do you want nuts and a cherry?"

"Um," Remus looked at the sundae in front of Sirius and frowned. "No, no nuts, but I would like your cherry."

Sirius choked, spewing out a mouthful of ice cream and fudge as the waitress slowly reached for his sundae, picked it up and dumped it over Remus' head then calmly walked away.

Remus sat still as clumps of ice cream slid onto his face and dripped down onto his back and shoulders. "What happened?"

"Oh my gods," Sirius gasped for air. "I don't believe you said that! I don't believe it!"

Remus tipped his head down and scraped the mess onto the table. "I need to find someplace to use my wand," he muttered. "What is she? Nutters or something?"

"Yeah, well I think we wore out our welcome out here anyway." Sirius stood up and threw a couple of pounds on the table then waited for Remus to follow his lead and stand up.

"Should I apologise for something?"

"You really don't know?"

Remus stood and looked at the waitress who was standing at the counter wiping her eyes. When she saw him watching her, she turned and ran into the back room, but not before Remus saw the fury on her face.

"I guess it's not a real good time," he muttered heading for the door.

"Come on, Remus. It's okay." Sirius followed him out and pulled him into a small alley. "Hey, come off it, it was funny."

"I didn't mean to hurt her."

"I know," Sirius sighed. "Listen, I keep forgetting you don't know the slang and stuff, but it's okay. She hears that kind of stuff all the time working in there."

"Yeah, I need to push off anyway," Remus said flatly as he moved back and stepped into his Apparation, knowing it was past time to be home.

.

.

.

"Remus!" John called up the stairs. "Your Mum has breakfast on the table."

"I'm not hungry," Remus called back down.

"See? He came home last night, an absolute mess, went straight to his room, and hasn't come down since. I know something happened," Rhea said.

"You should have flooed." John stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up.

"He used Apparation again. I cannot keep hiding it. He is just lucky it was me pulling monitor watch last night."

"I told him." Rhea held up her hand. "If he could just wait, he will be legal in a few years. I knew it was a mistake to let him run with that crowd."

"Yeah, well their parents are saying the same thing about him," John muttered.

"He's a good boy. He wouldn't be off getting into trouble if it wasn't for them."

"He is a teenage boy, of course he would." John heard his stomach growl and started up the steps. "He's coming down. He may not be hungry but I am."

"Remus," John called as he smacked the door with the flat of his hand. "This is the only meal of the day where we sit down together as a family and I'm not about to face your Mum alone. Now open up."

John heard a ward come down and cocked his eyebrow, opening up the door.

"Where did you learn that one?"

"Black."

"You almost got it right," John said feeling somewhat proud. "Grab your wand, I'll show you how to put your signature on it. Makes it harder to break."

Remus rolled his eyes to the ceiling and groaned, surprised at how fast John's hand was in his hair, yanking his face within inches of his own. "Don't you ever…ever...pull that face on me boy."

"Leave me alone!" Remus pulled against John. "You don't have any right to touch me! None! You're not my father!"

John released him and stood watching him angrily. "What the bloody hell has gotten into you? We let you go to a cinema and you come home an hour late, looking like a mess she said. Add to that the illegal Apparation you used and I have every right to haul you out to the barn. Remus, I have never hit you, but you have no idea how close you are. Now start talking before I have to explain to your mother why I have her fourteen year old son over my knee with his pants pulled down."

"Black doesn't have to be…"

"Because Black's parents don't give a fuck what he does! We do! Now where were you last night?"

"The cinema, like I said," Remus stepped back and sat on the edge of the bed.

"After that."

"We … we went for an ice cream."

"Ice cream? Black went for an ice cream. You do know why I don't believe that don't you?"

"Yeah, well… he wanted to pick up this girl that works there."

John pulled the desk chair around and straddled it, sitting down and watching Remus. "So, go on… what happened."

"I don't know," Remus looked up guiltily. "I … there was this… umm, she…"

"Was she pretty?" John smiled at the blush that was creeping up Remus' neck.

"Yeah, I guess so. She seemed nice then she just got mad and started crying. Well, she cried after she … you know."

John frowned and rested his chin on the back of the chair. "Remus, did you … did you do anything that should have made her angry at you, or did you say anything inappropriate to her? Girls can be a little touchy about some things. We've talked about this."

"No, that's what I don't get. She asked me what I wanted on my ice cream and next thing I knew I was wearing it on my head."

John sat up and looked at him oddly. "Maybe she knows Black."

"Dad," Remus whined. "No, I told her I wanted her cherry and she got all funny."

John bit the inside of his cheek as he swung his leg back over the chair and stood up. "Yeah, well…"

"What'd I do wrong? She was crying and ran out of the room. I wanted to go back and say something but Black just said I should leave."

"Nothing son, you did nothing wrong." John smiled and shook his head. "I think breakfast is going to get cold. We need to go fishing."

"Fishing?"

"Yep, you need to learn about teenage girls and…ice cream toppings."

"Ice… like whipped cream and stuff?"

John stopped and turned back to Remus, trying to read his face. "Has Black ever said anything about … umm, other things he does with food or what … bloody hell what am I saying? The kid is fifteen."

"Don't ask me, it's you that wants to talk about sex."

John rubbed his face and wondered how he would ever look at whipped cream and think of fishing poles without seeing Remus' face. "No," he choked. "Today we won't be pretending to fish. But we will mention … poles."

.

.

.

It was late that night when Remus walked up to the café and leaned against the outside of the building, waiting for the shop to close. He did not know exactly what to say to her, and although he had tried to practice in front of the mirror, he could not find the right words. John had rattled off a long list of things not to say to Muggle girls and then proceeded to tell him why, only now it was all mixed up with the things he should say.

He felt the heat of his blush starting under his collar as he remembered John's own embarrassment when he explained the comparison of a cherry to a girl's hymen and then slipped into the more comfortable term of maidenhead. When he even had to explain that, John had thought to tell Rhea that in teaching only the proper terms she was the one at fault, and that is exactly what he told Remus and laid the blame for Remus' snafu on his mother.

The inside lights went out and the door finally opened. Remus stood away from the building, watching the waitering staff as they started in different directions and then quickly followed the brunette.

"Excuse me," he called to her, and hurried to walk beside her.

"What do you want?" she spat, looking around fearfully.

"I… I just wanted to … I needed to … I just … to say, you know …I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"I… I'm not from around here, see? I didn't know that … I shouldn't have said what I did. I didn't mean it the way it came out."

"How did you mean it?"

"Just that …" He saw her grin and stopped. "I am not going there again." He laughed.

"Thanks. I've never had anyone come back to apologise before. It's …nice."

"Well, I'll let you go now. I just wanted to say that."

"Sure, night." She turned to walk away.

"Umm, wait," Remus stepped back close to her. "You shouldn't be out by yourself. It's late."

"I walk home three nights a week. I'm fine."

"Can I … can I walk with you?"

"I don't know," she looked back over her shoulder and then down the pavement. "I … I don't know you, and it's late."

"Remus, Remus Lupin." He smiled. "Promise, I have a whole list of things I won't say. Promise."

She laughed at his seriousness and nodded. "Tiffany, Tiffany McCann. I live four streets away and have to go right home."

"Let me walk with you," he said earnestly. "Really, it's not safe. You should have someone meet you or take a taxi."

He took her elbow the way he would take his mother's, and then tucked her hand under his the way he had seen John tuck in his mother's hand, feeling a need to protect her sweep over him.

"If I could afford a taxi I wouldn't have to work," she said, turning to look up at him. "Do you live around here?"

"Close enough. We have a small place, out of the city."

"I wish we didn't live in the city, but there is no work I can get to unless we live close, or near the train, and my Mum needs to be close for her treatments."

"What kind of treatments?"

"She's got cancer, same as took me dad. Don't remember much of him."

"My Dad died too," Remus said softly. "Only my Mum, she got married again."

"Did he have cancer?" Tiffany looked up at him.

"No, he had an accident, in the barn." Remus found the lie easy to spin as he walked along with Tiffany on his arm, telling her about lofts and faulty ladders.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, then lifted her free hand and pointed to a three story brick building. "I go to school over there. At least I will for one more year. I can quit then and get a job down in Southampton. My Uncle owns a silk screening shop and he says business is so good he will take me on."

"Silk screening, yeah, okay," Remus looked around uncomfortably.

"Yeah, you know… they do the t-shirts for some of the rock groups and all." She looked at him oddly. "What do you plan on doing?"

"I don't know," he said, realizing no one had ever asked him want he would have wanted to do if Greyback had not changed his life forever. "Mum wants me to do like my Dad did, maybe have a farm out in the country. But, my Dad, my real one, wanted me to go to University and go into research."

"What do you want?"

He shrugged and looked down at the pavement as they walked along. "I always thought I would like to teach, that or build things, like an architect. Designing things and fitting them to the people that will use them. It's a stupid idea."

"No it's not," she said. "If that's what you want you should at least try for it."

"Things are different where I come from." He looked at her and grinned. "Hey, come on, I didn't mean to go on about me."

"That's my house," she nodded to the next one on the block. "Thanks for walking me home, Remus."

"Wait!" He hurried after her, putting his hand on hers before she could turn the doorknob. "Can I do this tomorrow?"

Tiffany chewed her lip and turned to peek in the window. "Mum doesn't let me date, or even talk to boys much."

"I'll talk to her." Remus smiled.

"You'd talk to my mother?"

"Umm, yeah… shouldn't I?"

She laughed and nodded. "Okay, I'll tell her you want to meet her tomorrow. Okay?"

Remus waited until she disappeared into the house, and then snuck around the back and Apparated home feeling as if he was walking above the ground. Rhea watched him walk into the house and saw the goofy grin plastered on his face as he headed upstairs. Looking at the clock she made a note of the time and ran to the floo.

"John?" she called.

"I see he made it home on time."

"I'm worried, John. I don't know who this girl is."

"She's a Muggle. I checked it against the Apparation log."

"I'm worried about him."

"Good Merlin," John sighed. "Rhea, leave it alone. We can trust him. He knows a hell of a lot more than I did at that age."

"It's not that and you know it." She sat back on her knees. "What if she finds out?"

"She's a Muggle, Rhea. She won't know the signs, and even if she did he will have plenty of time to get away. We have to let him grow up."

"Marcus was his age when he left, just a year older anyway. I … I don't know what to do with him anymore, how to protect him."

"He's home safely, and I have to get back to work, we can talk when I get home. Remember, don't let him know you flooed, he will think I don't trust him," John asked of her. "And Rhea, I can't think of another kid at his age that I would trust as much as I trust him with a girl. Whoever her parents are, they should know just by meeting him that he wouldn't do anything to hurt her."

"Does he know he should meet them?"

"Fishing, lesson three. Yes, he knows. Now go on, I'll see you in the morning." His face disappeared as he returned to work.

Remus stepped back from the railing not wanting his mother to know he had listened to her conversation. He did not like the fact that they had been tracking his Apparation. _There is no other way I can see her_, he thought. He could not very well expect to see her if he had to take trains, and to use the floo at the Leaky Cauldron would mean he would have to cut his time with her short to start the long walk back to the café.

He was surprised the next day when he asked, and was easily granted, an hour extension on his curfew and could not finish breakfast quickly enough to rush off to London. Walking up to the door of Tiffany's house he saw the curtain twitch as she peeked out and gave him a wide smile, before opening the door and asking him in. Her mother was less receptive, but relented, laying down her own curfews, and demanding Remus bring her straight home after work, and giving permission for only afternoon dates in public places.

Remus left feeling the old woman's eyes boring into his back but sauntered back to the Leaky Cauldron already planning where to take her.

.

.

They spent the summer going to matinees and eating cold sandwiches in Potters Field, overlooking the slow moving current of the Thames. Remus would lay with his head in her lap, as she stroked his hair and told him stories of growing up in London, her hatred of school, and how mean her mother was. He would not comment or share stories of magic and spells, wondering time after time if there was any way to tell her what he really was, and knowing as he thought it that there was not.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around his legs, feeling her move beside him, putting her hand on his back.

"Remus?" She peeked around to look at his face.

"When you get all quiet like this…did I say something wrong?"

"No," he said quietly and turned to look at her, not able to stop this time as his hand went behind her head and dragged her mouth to his.

He felt her stiffen, and brought up his other hand and held her still until he could pull his head back and take a deep breath. "I…I'm…"

"It's okay," she said huskily, leaning into him and kissing him back.

"I should have asked... but."

"No, it's … it's okay," she whispered, bringing her fingers up and touching his lips. "I liked it."

"Good," he grinned, pushing her onto her back, and then laid down next to her, resting his head on his elbow. "I've wanted to do that a long time now."

He put his hand on her stomach, feeling her body heat through her t-shirt, and snaked a finger under the hem, drawing circles on her skin. He felt his body reacting, and snatched his hand away, sitting up quickly and looking away from her.

"Remus?" she said, sitting up slowly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I have to get you home." He struggled to his feet, feeling uncomfortable and needing to adjust his trousers.

"Sure." She bit back tears that welled in her eyes.

"What's wrong? I thought you… I'm sorry Tiffany, I shouldn't have…"

"You didn't like it."

"Sure I did."

"Then why…"

"I have to get home early." He frowned, letting his eyes drop to her breasts_. Fuck_, he thought, _I have to get out of here_.

"Walk me home?"

He nodded and reached down his hand to help her up, barely able to breath as she effortlessly slid her hand into his and pulled herself up. He knew he was in trouble when she slid her arm under his and they began to walk back, with her chatting and him looking for places to pull her into. They were almost at her house when he stopped, yanked her back to him, and pulled her off the pavement behind a hedge.

"Tiffany, I…" he started as his head fell to her mouth and he clasped her awkwardly, pulling her against his body. "Please, I …"

She nodded and returned his kiss, parting her lips and pushing her breasts into his chest. "I love you," she whispered as she clung to him.

"I've never done this before," he admitted as his hands glided over her body, sliding one hand under her t-shirt and then up under the band of her bra. "Gods, you feel good."

He felt her arms tighten around his neck and heard her gasp of surprise as he was unable to stop the forward thrust of his hips, pushing his erection into her, and groaning with the sensation of her moving against him as he dragged her closer.

"I need to stop," Tiffany pushed him away gently. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

"I… I didn't mean to … I …"

"I know," she whispered looking down as she reached into her top to put her breast back into her bra. "I have to go."

"Can I see you again? Please, Tiffany."

She studied his face and nodded, before turning and running away.


	30. The War Comes to Remus

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 30**

**The War Comes to Remus**

* * *

Remus rested his head against the glass and watched as platform 9 ¾ grew smaller and smaller as the Hogwarts Express pulled away. This was the first time he did not look forward to going back to school. He stared at the city as it rushed by, wanting to block out the noise and joking of the other three that shared the compartment with him. He saw his reflection in the window and saw instead Tiffany's face as she had told him goodbye.

He raked his hand through his hair and let out a long sigh, feeling again the familiar discomfort growing in his groin. _Fuck_, he thought, looking around and picking up Peter's backpack.

"Hey, Wormtail, put this away before I kill myself on it."

"Wormtail?"

"Yeah, ever see it? You may think you look like a rat, but that tail you drag around looks like a bleached flobberworm," Remus said. "Did you ever manage to look like a real rat?"

"Yeah, it's better now. What's wrong with you?" Peter asked. "Someone blow smoke up your arse?"

"Shut up." Remus tossed him the backpack and flopped back in the seat.

"Thought you were meeting us at school," James said, looking over his shoulder as he crammed his own backpack into the overhead compartment.

"I had something to do in the city," Remus said uncomfortably and turned back to look out the window.

"You still seeing that girl from the restaurant?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, guess so."

"You feel her up yet?" James grinned.

"Shut up, Potter." Remus turned to him slowly, levelling him with a glare. "No one wants to listen to your bullshite."

"What'd I say?" James laughed.

"Leave it alone," Sirius said evenly. "I'm not listening to you two harp at each other all the way up to Hogwarts."

"Anyone seen Lily?" James said, waggling his eyebrows. "That's the one I want to feel."

"You and Snape both," Peter chortled.

"She would never let him near her," James said incredulously.

"Hey, Remus, why is he up to see Pomfrey with you each year? I mean, yeah, we know why you have to go, but why Snape?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders and looked back at the others blankly. "I don't know. She puts us at different ends of the ward and it's not like I'm going out of my way to talk to him."

Sirius sat opposite Remus, leaned back and stared at him. "Haven't seen you for a while. We were supposed to meet up at the film festival."

"I was busy," Remus shrugged and looked out the widow.

"Busy." He folded his arms and kept staring at him. "Busy with Tiffany?"

"Yeah," Remus snapped. "Listen, Black, I don't want to listen to you…"

"Whoa… I didn't say nothing about her. Remember me? The one that went down for her Mum's birthday with you? Didn't I?"

"Sorry, I just… I don't want to hear it from them," he said quietly, nodding toward James and Peter who were still arguing over Lily sitting in the same compartment as Snape.

"Did you tell her about Hogwarts?"

"Right," Remus snorted.

"Some do."

"Maybe later. I've been thinking that maybe next year. She wants to move down to Southampton next year, but maybe if I tell her she will stay."

"She's already sixteen. Did you tell her how old …"

"I'll be fifteen."

"And she'll be seventeen."

"It doesn't matter, it's only a year."

"She'd be in sixth year if she went to Hogwarts."

"Well she doesn't, now does she?" Remus shot back.

"Hey," James called their attention. "I got a letter saying I can try out for the team again this year. McGonagall says if I keep my grades up that is."

"Right," Remus laughed. "You may have to find the library on your own if you plan on doing that."

"So what classes you taking?" Peter flopped down and yanked the sack of sweets from James' hands.

"Merlin, save some for us." Sirius leaned forward and grabbed the bag. "Want some, Remus?"

"Nah, not hungry."

Remus leaned his head back and gazed out the window then shut his eyes and eventually fell asleep as the other three continued their petty bickering and joking. This term would be different, Remus knew, longer, and lonelier than the last had been. He missed her already. Missed their summer walks and quiet lunches. Missed the cinemas where he would sit, content to drape his arm over her shoulder, not caring if he had seen the same movie a dozen times already. He missed their stolen kisses behind the hedges, and the way she would smile at him and run to be home on the stroke of ten with her face flushed and swollen lips.

.

.

He found fourth year harder than the first three. The professors expected more of them. Slughorn heaped on essay after essay, McGonagall not wanting just to see the spell but to have them learn to draw the wand movements and know the theory behind the work. Remus found it challenging and at the same time he found it frustrating to have so little time to himself.

Other than watching James at the games, and going into town on Hogsmeade days, he felt trapped in the castle and anxious to get out. Even his wolf form longed to run. It paced through the Shrieking Shack during the full moons, finding its way through the basement room and up to the floors above, howling in frustration. Madam Pomfrey twice increased the strength of the potions, sending owls to Dr. Gramm for the right amounts and keeping track of the changes that she observed.

She had no doubt that he had reached the end of his journey. His change was now that of a complete adult wolf. She had flipped back to the notes she had jotted down at her first meeting with Rhea, when she had learned of Marcus leaving home at fifteen, and had not understood how such a youth could have fared in the world. However, looking at Remus, his stature, his bearing, seeing the added length of bone and ripple of muscle, she knew he had started on his accelerated aging process as well.

As the wolf had attained its complete adult form, so did Remus. He had extra strength that would only grow when he was no longer confined to the shack, but able to run free with the moon. He was taller than his classmates, and if not for his uniform and the way he carried himself, slouching his shoulders and looking at the ground, he could pass for a much older wizard.

Knowing they would now have to start teaching him how he would be truly treated in the world beyond Hogwarts, she was saddened to find she knew no one capable. Talking to the Headmaster, they had agreed to give him the rest of this year to come to terms with the new feelings that would wash over him, pushing the wolf to influence his daily life, but now, seeing how quickly he could anger, she thought to revisit that decision and would have to start talking to him. Dreading the time he would have to be registered with the Ministry, she continued to fight for a way to hide him after Hogwarts, and thought that perhaps Anthony was right to have him find his place in the non-magical world.

.

.

.

Remus woke late. The room was already empty by the time he'd turned over onto his back and stretched, groaning at the soreness that still lingered in his shoulders. Although the last full moon was a week ago, he could still feel the after effects in his joints. _Bloody hell_, he thought_, perhaps Madam Pomfrey is correct, and a small padded room would work better. _

He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. _Shite_. Only minutes left if he planned to grab something for breakfast. He heard his stomach protest the thought of a missed meal and jumped up to dress, forgoing his shower in his hurry.

He ran down the stairs and into the Great Hall surprised to hear absolute quiet as he strode to the Gryffindor table and climbed over the bench. Pulling the Daily Prophet from Peter, he began to read what had everyone else beyond words.

"Mr. Lupin." He heard the Headmaster call his name and looked up to see Professor McGonagall hurrying toward him.

"Lupin," Sirius said standing, and leaning over the table, "It may not be her. It doesn't give the whole name."

"What?" Remus looked down at the paper again in confusion and saw _Muggle_ _Families Murdered _splayed across the front page.

"Mr. Lupin, your parents have been contacted. They will be in the Headmaster's office shortly," Minerva whispered kindly.

"Remus?" James looked up from his paper. "Maybe it is a mistake."

"It's not her," Remus yanked his arm from Minerva. "Even if her last name is listed … it doesn't say they both died. It doesn't …" he fought to read the article as the Headmaster took the paper from his hands.

"Remus," he said kindly. "Come, we will discuss it."

"No," Remus growled as he stepped away from them, feeling the same prickly feeling under his skin that he felt just before the full moon came. He rotated his head, trying to get the stiffness out of his neck and heard the familiar grinding of bone on bone. "I need to leave. I need to go to London."

He turned, ran for the door and yanked it open, hearing footfalls chasing after him. Pulling his wand, he turned and levelled it at the Headmaster, his hand trembling. "Don't make me, sir… don't make me."

"I would not dream of it," Dumbledore frowned, and threw up his arm to hold Minerva back. "Mr. Lupin, you need to consider your next course of action carefully for they may determine the rest of your life."

"It's not her I tell you," he hissed, stepping backwards into the hall. "It's not her. What reason would anyone have to hurt them?"

"Remus?" Rhea said from the hallway where she had just arrived with John. "I am so sorry. We came as soon as we heard."

Remus pushed by her and began to run toward the gate, ignoring his mother who continued to call to him. They were wrong. He knew they were wrong. He would find her. Find her walking to school, or down working at the café. He made to spin into his Apparation and fell to the ground, looking around, unable to see the path for the tears that filled his eyes.

"Remus, wait," John ran to him and pulled him up from the ground. "You can't apparate, not like this. Not when you are…"

"I have to go. They are wrong. I know they are." He put both hands on John's chest and pushed as hard as he could, sending him onto the hard packed earthen path.

"Remus," John said, scrambling to his feet, surprised and for the first time in his life, truly afraid of his stepson. "Think about what you are doing. Stop and think."

Remus felt the wolf rise up and rest just under his skin and the anger that he brought with him. Turning on John, he curled his lip, and lowered his head as he stepped toward him. "Never, never put your hands on me again," he snarled.

He smelled Rhea, and turned to bare his teeth at her, his head snapping up and his eyes turning to copper slits as he did so. "Remus," she sucked her breath in when she saw him step toward John, his eyes darting between the two, obviously confused and lost.

Sirius and Peter came thundering out of the castle and at a full run headed towards Remus, ignoring Dumbledore's order to stop. Sirius threw himself between Remus and his stepfather as Peter ran for Rhea.

"Come on Remus," Black said lightly. "I'll go with you. We can grab a broom."

Remus swallowed and looked at him, before turning back to Rhea, a low rumble coming from his throat.

"Remus, please," Peter put his arms out wide, blocking Rheas path to him. "Go with Sirius. Maybe you're right. Go find out for sure."

"Yeah," Sirius tried to laugh, casting a quick look at Dumbledore who stood with his hand raised, ready to release his magic. "Come on, if we leave now we can get back by curfew."

"Yeah," Peter added, "quick before someone else comes out an mucks it all up."

Remus slumped, and rested his hands on his knees as the breath rushed out of his lungs. "Dad?"

"It's okay son." John pushed Sirius aside and pulled the boy into his arms. "I'll take you myself. I know you need to do this and her Mum might like to see you."

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to… I couldn't stop … "

"I know, but you did. You did stop. That's all that matters." John pulled Remus' head to his shoulder and looked up to see Rhea standing behind him, putting her hand out then pulling it back before she touched him.

"Remus," she said sternly. "You know better. If you get down there and can't control yourself then what?"

"I can do it now," he said, running his sleeve under his nose. "I almost… Mum, I … I don't know what happened. I couldn't stop it."

"No one was hurt," Dumbledore said sternly. "However, if this happens again I shall have to ask you to leave, Remus. No matter the cause, you must strive for control."

"Yes, sir," Remus muttered. "Dad? Now? Please?"

John nodded and with his arm around Remus' shoulder pulled him into a side-a-long that deposited them into Diagon. From there, after giving Remus only moments to recover, he again clutched him tightly and spun to the alley behind the café. Walking the final distance, they found themselves outside of Tiffany's house, which appeared untouched.

Remus bolted for the front door and pounded on it, desperate for Tiffany to answer. As the door opened, he saw a stranger looked at him oddly.

"Are you here for Tiffany?"

"Yes," he choked, looking over the stranger's shoulder. "I …. In the paper…. I…"

"You must be Remus, she spoke of you often." The stranger looked beyond Remus and saw John slowly approach. "Do come in."

"We just heard and wanted to pay our respects," John said softly. "We read in the paper that the services were yesterday. I am sorry we did not find out early enough to attend."

"I am sorry, I am Sarah, Sarah McCann, Tiffany was my niece," she held out her hand to John who accepted it clasping it in both of his.

"You have our sympathy."

"Remus?" Tiffany's mother said, walking into the room.

"Mrs. McCann," he sobbed and hurried to the woman, putting his arms around her and hugging her.

"My dear boy," she sighed. "She did nothing but talk about you. I tried to call you, but your name wasn't in the book and I didn't know where you lived."

"I'm sorry," Remus choked back tears.

He and his father sat with Mrs. McCann, listening to her sobs and the retelling of her story as neighbours and friends filed through the house, bringing dishes of food and popping into the living room to cry and offer their condolences. John watched Remus carefully when she told him how the sky had tuned dark, smoky and black, just as her body was discovered, seemingly untouched. Heart, the doctors had said. She had not known Tiffany had been ill, or had a bad heart, her mother said, but her body had seemed completely untouched.

As they left, Remus had shoved his hands in his pockets and refused John's attempts to talk. Looking ahead and walking quickly back to the alley to return, he wished to be alone and quiet. When they arrived at the farm instead of Hogwarts Remus glared at John and demanded a reason.

"You have to calm down before you go back," John said evenly. "You have to learn better control. You are too strong now to let your temper go, as a wolf or a man. Remus, you don't realize what has happened to you."

"It was Riddle, wasn't it?"

"Yes, there doesn't seem much doubt. The mark appeared the night of…"

"Why? Why Tiffany?"

"We don't have to go into …"

"Why? I asked you a question."

"Remus, you have to understand this is no one's fault."

"Because …of me?"

"No, no don't think that," John ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "I should have known. It is my fault for not seeing a pattern. There have been several attacks, each on a Muggle that knew of our world."

"She didn't! I never said a word!"

"I know, but … when we Apparate, there is a way of tracing it. When it is underage magic, it leaves a log. It has become obvious that someone in the Ministry is watching for more than random travel. Several Apparations to the same area and ... Remus, I am sorry."

"They tracked my…they followed me?"

"Not you, Remus, the magical trace. There have been several Muggles attacked. By the time we realized how they had been targeted it was too late."

"You could have done something, you could have warned her!" he spat.

"We … we tried. I don't expect you to believe me right now, but we tried. We put wards around her house, her school, where she worked. They must have been following her, and knew the time she left work and the way she walked home."

Remus caught a movement from the corner of his eye, and looked towards the house where Rhea stood pulling her wrap tightly around her shoulders. He frowned at her and headed back down the path. "Tell her I went back to Hogwarts."

"You should…"

"No," he ground out angrily. "I won't be hidden away. I won't learn to _calm down_ and I won't learn how to blend into the Muggle world."

"What do you plan on doing boy? Running away?"

Remus turned and sneered at John, effectively stopping him from approaching. "I plan to fight. I plan to stay here, in this world and fight. You can tell her to shove that damned University up her arse, cause this is where I belong, this is where I am needed, and this is where I am going to stay."


	31. She Brought What?

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 31**

**She Brought What?**

* * *

Remus fell into his schoolwork, and for the most part stayed back in the school when his three roommates snuck into town or up to the Astronomy tower late at night. During the full moons, he woke each time worse off than the last. Deep scars covered his forearms that Madam Pomfrey tried repeatedly to erase, but to no avail. Twice he had bitten his thighs so deeply that he'd missed two days of classes while he was laid up in the infirmary healing.

During the holidays, he opted to stay at Hogwarts rather than return home, not wanting to listen to John and his mother pleading for him to learn the Muggle subjects Dr. Gramm had suggested. He was surprised to see Snape sitting in the Great Hall next to Mulciber, the first morning that he went down for breakfast, expecting to be sitting alone.

He nodded a greeting and sat down the table as far as he could, a little put off that the Headmaster had seen fit to have breakfast set up on only one table.

"Thought you would be running home to Mummy," Mulciber sniggered. "I take it she doesn't get sick during the holidays."

"She's doing better," Remus muttered.

"What is wrong with her anyway?" Snape questioned.

Remus thought of Mrs. McCann. "Cancer. She … her treatments make her sick."

"Cancer?" Snape looked up from his plate. "That can be nasty. Slughorn said there is a potion that makes you feel better while on the treatment. He is going to let me brew it."

Remus shrugged and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Yeah, well she takes a couple but she still needs help when she takes it."

Snape leaned back and watched Remus carefully, observing the way he avoided looking at them or meeting their eyes. "Quit lying, Lupin. Are you sure its not you that is sick? Something contagious?"

Remus grabbed a couple of pieces of toast and sandwiched his scrambled eggs between them, then stood and swung his leg over the bench as he stood up. "Yeah, something contagious. Maybe I should spit on you."

Mulciber sniggered, "Go ahead, and find out how fast my wand is."

Remus gave them a cold look and turned his back on them, expecting to feel a hex and not caring, only needing to get away from them. _Damn Slytherins_, he thought as the memory of Tiffany crashed into him again. Heading for the library, he found himself drawn to the Muggle bookshelf and ran his fingers over the spines, looking for anything to take his mind away from where he was. Not wanting to study, but to lose himself in a world still foreign to him, a world Tiffany would have known. Finally selecting a book, he slid to the floor and began to read.

.

.

.

"You stayed the whole holiday?" Peter asked as he threw his backpack under his bed.

"You could have come home with me," James chided him. "Mum would have had you. She let Sirius stay a few days."

"I needed to catch up on my lessons," he shrugged. "I miss a lot when I'm in the infirmary every month."

"Did you see the notice by the Great Hall?" Sirius asked.

"Yeah, I don't understand why we all have to go. I finished my Muggle studies last year," James said, sulking.

"I don't know," Remus interjected, "some sort of _self protection_ it said. We are scheduled after dinner. I checked the list."

"Who is giving the talk? All it said was a guest speaker is coming," Peter asked.

"If we are lucky Dumbledore will do it." James laughed. "He always passes out sweets and if he loses track of what he is taking about it'll be an easy hour listening to his stories."

After they ate the evening meal, they headed for the Muggle Study classroom, jostling down the hall, pushing each other ahead. They saw Professor McGonagall waiting by the door with a clipboard, checking off each student as they entered.

"Good evening, Professor McGonagall," James said politely. "Are you giving the lesson?"

"No, Mr. Potter. A Miss Umbridge from the Ministry will be talking to you. I strongly suggest that you do not test her patience."

The four soon found they were expected to pay attention, as a short witch dressed in pink assigned seats in different parts of the room. Remus took his seat, sliding as far to one side as he could to avoid sitting too near Snape who was sitting to his left.

"Joy," Snape said with a sneer.

"What are you doing here?" Remus scowled. "Thought Muggle raised got a pass."

"Are you are admitting that you don't know everything, Lupin?"

"Yeah, right," Remus muttered. "Don't you ever give it up?"

"No," Snape spat, and turned to the front of the room, ignoring Lupin.

Delores Umbridge slowly walked to the front of the room snapping the students books closed as she did and instructing individuals to sit up smartly.

"The sooner I have your attention I may begin, and the sooner we will be done." Her nasal, high-pitched voice cut the air and Remus cringed at the sound. Glancing to his left, he saw Peter make a gagging face and grinned.

She clasped her hands in front of her breasts and smiled, letting her eyes take in the class until she was sure she had everyone's attention.

"Our Ministry, in another show of support for our precious youth, finds it necessary to bring you information from the outside world. A world, I am sad to say, that is changing and taking up even more decadent ways. It is no longer safe for you, our future leaders, to walk alone when visiting Muggle establishments, and extreme caution must be used when entering their cities."

She paused for effect, the silence of the room broken by the sound of James' yawn. She strode to his desk and pulled her wand, blasting him in the face with a spray of cold water.

"Is that better, my dear?" she purred. "Awake now are we?"

"Yes, umm, yes," James stammered, pulling himself up to sit rigidly in his chair.

"As I was saying," she paused, turned in a circle taking in each face again, "you must learn to be vigilant. Muggle children are being lulled into a false utopia, a utopia of drug-induced fantasies. Their youth destroyed and their futures thrown away for a few hours of unnatural bliss.

It has come to the attention of the Ministry that our own youth are becoming seduced by their dark and wicked ways. Today, I, with the approval and blessings of our Ministry, will show you how to identify that which you should avoid."

Remus hazarded another look around the room as Umbridge had her back turned, and saw James trying to wave his wand under his desk, attempting to get the drying spell high enough to hit his collar. Peter sat with a wide grin watching his antics, then drew his own and sent a spell across the room to James. Remus sought out Sirius, and finally found him in front and to the right of him, where he sat slouched down in his seat, his chin resting on his chest, drawing circles on the desktop.

"The first item we will discuss," Delores turned towards them, holding up the offending substance, "is cannabis."

Remus saw Sirius' head snap up and a lopsided grin cover his face. He looked back at James and saw him sitting with his wand stopped in mid-air as he stared at Umbridge.

"Psst, Remus…" Peter whispered. "What is that?"

Remus shrugged and looked back at Umbridge, watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye. He then became intrigued as Umbridge preceded to not only explain how the hemp was used, but its preparation by dying and the different chopping and crushing techniques that could be applied. As she launched into the effect on the mind and body, he could have sworn he heard Sirius moan.

As she turned to the desk behind her, Sirius shot a look at Potter, waggling his eyebrows and smiling. Remus saw the exchange and swallowed hard, knowing by the look on Sirius' face what he planned.

"This is also made from the cannabis plant," Umbridge held up a lump that was dark brown in colour, squeezing it to show how pliable it was. "However, known as hashish it is much stronger, and although it can be used the same way as cannabis, you must exercise caution as Muggles have been known to put it in their food. It is very dangerous, and much stronger then cannabis prepared to be smoked. At one time, the Ministry considered using it on certain…convicts, to calm them, to take away their aggressions. We however, have much more humane ways of dealing with our problems."

Remus let out a snort, as he thought of the Dementors that kept the inmates in line at Azkaban, and wondered what she meant by humane.

"I see we have someone who does not believe me." She laid down the hashish and walked to stand in front of Remus. "Well young man? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"You said humane. How do Dementors figure into that?" he said. "How can you defend…?"

"Out," she pointed angrily at the door. "I will report your attitude to your Headmaster. He will make sure you do not criticize the Ministry again. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah, and you better check out the herbology books. Nothing in cannabis is physically harmful anyway," Remus stood and looked down on Umbridge, seeing her step back as he towered over her. He smirked, thinking of all the things he wanted to say and then turned to walk out of the classroom.

Umbridge stood tapping her wand on the palm of her hand watching the gangly youth walk away. Something did not seem right with him. Something seemed … off. She tipped her head to the side and studied his gait… "Young man, come back here."

Remus turned and looked her full in the eyes as Peter began to cough in an uncontrolled fit, standing from his seat and gasping for air, clutching the desk and slipping to the floor, hitting the floor with a thud and a groan.

"He gets like this," Sirius jumped up. "We have to get him to the infirmary. Quick."

James hurried to help Sirius, putting one of Peter's arms around his shoulders as Sirius grabbed the other. "The door, Lupin, open the door," Sirius shouted as they rushed Peter out, Remus hot on their heels.

"Merlin's sake, Lupin," Peter said as soon as they were safely around the first corner. "Why'd you look right at her like that? I could see your eyes from where I was."

"She irritated me," Remus muttered. "You heard her. She's crazy. Even Moody says the Dementors should go, and he has sent more up to Azkaban than anyone"

"Maybe so," James said, "but you got to watch it. This whole term you've been off. You got to chill out man. You're going to get caught and tossed out on your arse."

"Come on," Sirius grinned. "I got just the thing."

"You didn't, right?" Remus hurried to catch up as Sirius headed up to the tower.

"Didn't what?" Sirius said innocently.

"Nick that stuff, when she put it down to yell at me."

"I'm wounded. How could you think I could nick something right out in the open like that?"

"Because it seemed like the thing to do when everyone was watching her yell at me," Remus could not keep the grin off his face.

"I prefer to think that I saved her from a dangerous substance."

"You would," James said with a smirk. "She will know it's one of us."

"Nah, McGonagall would be proud at how useful her transfiguration charms are. Umbridge won't know for a couple of hours."

"Ya know, Remus," Sirius matched his pace to Remus'. "What she said, about the hash, you should try it."

"For what? To scare away the Dementors? Or use it to make them brownies."

"For your furry problem, it would take the edge off. We can try putting some in a piece of chocolate. Take it with you, and right before you change you could eat it. It… it makes… well not that I would know, but it makes things… mellow. It takes away the fight."

"But you wouldn't know?" Remus called back over his shoulder as he headed up the stairs.

"No," Sirius laughed, "well, I haven't eaten it. But yeah, you know the whole smoke it thing."

Sirius fell on his knees as soon as they made it to the tower, pulling out the cannabis and a small pack of papers. "Bloody nice of her to bring the papers," Sirius looked up at Potter. "Parchment is too heavy."

Remus looked at Sirius and then at Potter, who shrugged his shoulders and held his palms up in a _don't look at me _stance. Kneeling down next to Sirius, he soon felt the other two join them.

Sirius rolled the cannabis expertly, twisting the ends of the paper and holding it up for approval. "Now, it's not like the cigars, you inhale it. Take it down into your lungs and hold your breath as long as you can before you let it out."

He lit it and took a deep drag, holding it out to Remus with a grin as he fought to keep his teeth clamped shut and the smoke in his lungs. Remus took it and held it gingerly, looking from it to Sirius.

"If I throw up I am aiming for your head." He sucked on the end and let the hot bittersweet smoke fill his lungs, surprised at the sting on his tongue and in the back of his throat. He held his breath as long as he could, when suddenly a warm gentle wave washed over him.

"Good one," Sirius slapped him on the back. "Sometimes ya got to do it a few times before your feel it."

"Feel what Mr. Black?" Moody stood behind him, arms crossed over his chest glaring down at the four boys.

"My goodness," Peter jumped up. "I'm late. I have to get going."

"Late?" Moody roared. "You aren't late boy, you're screwed!"

Remus watched as James and Peter scooted back and sat by the wall, following Moody's pointed finger. He found it funny that Potter had nothing clever to say and started to chuckle.

"Hey Black, ever think he would be speechless?" Remus said not even aware of Moody's angry glare.

Moody yanked Sirius and Remus up by their collars and pushed them hard, sending them into the wall. Then pulling his wand, he waited until Sirius moved and sent out another blast, slamming him back again.

"What's the matter, Black? Cat got your wand?" Moody quipped, blasting Sirius back again when he refused to stay still, then smirking as Black slid to the floor exhausted and sore from the struggle. "Okay, Lupin, your turn. I can see there is no way to reason with him."

"What I do?" Remus stood up to the old wizard, lifting his chin and planting his feet apart.

"You just killed your friend you bloody fool, what do you thing just happened? Black here couldn't even get his wand out of his pocket, couldn't even defend himself! Did you help? Did you step up to stop me? No? Why? I know you boy, I know you would have stepped in front of him and stopped me, but you didn't"

"Ah Moody, he wouldn't want to hurt you," Sirius grinned.

"Bloody fool is what you are." Moody bent over and swept up the cannabis and hash, sticking it in his pocket.

"Wasn't me that couldn't get his…"

"Shut up, Lupin. Your eyes are a dead give away right now. You want to walk down those stairs and have everyone know what you are. Bloody fools, thought better of you."

Remus fought to clear his head as he frowned at Moody. Reaching down he pulled Sirius up and turned back to the Auror. "It was my fault. They thought I could use it, during the change."

"What?" Moody thundered. "We don't need a stoned wolf running around the hills. You stupid no account… Black, you put any more ideas in his head and you will answer to me. He gets out after smoking or eating that and he will be running right up to some hunter. Just pull your wand and kill him, it's not as messy."

"I didn't…yeah, okay… I get it," Sirius hung his head meekly.

Remus snorted out a laugh and put his hand over his mouth seeing Moody's glare. "Sorry, I thought he was joking."

Moody reached in his pocket and pulled out a vial. "Here, one swallow should do it."

Remus drank, feeling the world slow down before he handed it to Sirius, who tipped it up and took two swallows before handing the bottle back to Moody.

"Sorry, Moody," Remus said with a sigh.

"Works a little quicker than mead, hey?" Moody chuckled.

Remus blanched as Sirius began to fidget.

"A bit," Remus said meeting Moody's eyes. "So, you knew about…"

"Course I did boy." He turned to Black. "Now we have a problem. That Umbridge bi…witch wants the castle searched. I wouldn't care if your arse got hung out to dry but we can't have him down there with his eyes dilated like that."

"I'll do it," Peter stood up and grinned as he started to pull off his robes. "I'll take it back and put it under the desk. Maybe she will think it fell."

"Umm, Peter… you know _Auror_ Moody?" James swallowed hard watching as Peter continued to strip. "Peter… you're not registered."

Peter looked up from the ground, where he was in the process of pulling off his trousers. "Fuck."

Moody put his head back and laughed. "If Hogwarts survives you four I will be surprised but I am not sure Dumbledore will."


	32. Hearing the Truth

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 32**

**Hearing the Truth**

* * *

The end of term came quickly, too quickly for Remus. He was not looking forward to spending a summer unlike the last. The first couple of days he did odd chores around the house and simple repairs to the fences and the barn doors. Rhea was concerned that he seemed sullen and disinterested in even trips to the bookshops, or visiting his friends.

Remus approached John about learning spells, defensive spells, such as throwing shields and simple repelling charms. At first, John was inclined to refuse, as he doubted a boy of fifteen could learn the discipline to hold a shield in place while throwing a curse at the same time. However, he had seen the determination he had shown in learning the Patronus and thought that maybe he would be able to accomplish a weak spell.

He relented, and he and Remus spent an hour every morning working together. Rhea would sometimes bring her tea to the step outside the front door and sit and watch as John threw one curse after another at Remus, knocking him down, and pushing him back as the boy tried again and again to shield himself.

"John," she called, standing up and joining them. "Let me show him."

He raised an eyebrow and grinned at her. "Now, Rhea… it has been a while since you…"

"Don't you dare," she said with a scowl, and pulled Remus in front of her. "You hold the wand, but it will be my magic. Do you understand? We will do it the same way we used to."

"It will work this way?" Remus tried to look over his shoulder at her.

"It's how I learned. Okay, John, keep it simple."

John threw a curse and Remus felt his mother's hand begin to trace the pattern as her free hand came to direct the shield where it needed to go. Twice more she cast and guided before nodding to John to stop.

"Even if you can't do wandless, once the magic is released from the wand, but before it has taken shape, you can direct it," Rhea explained.

"It's not proper duelling," John frowned. "I know many use it, but it's…"

"Oh, goodness!" Rhea rolled her eyes. "When we were your age, palming off a shield was considered bad form. Sort of … cheating, we used to call it street fighting. It can be dangerous, it you lose concentration, or if you do not move the shield enough, your own curse can be redirected right back at you. You learn how to do it so at least you know what the other guy is doing and know to throw a curse at his free hand, not his wand. Now, again."

Remus turned back to John and began again. As the week turned into a month John's curses came faster and stronger until Remus could shield off anything he threw. Then, he turned the tables and showed Remus how to bring down an opponent's shield, all the while explaining the proper stance and how to protect a partner's back.

It was not until Moody stopped by and caught them practicing together that he got a good look at what a duel could really be like. Although he had seen the one on the hill the day the Death Eaters had come to the farm, he had never thought of what it would be like to be in the midst of one.

Rhea pulled him down next to her and they watched the two Aurors in mock battle. Dawlish was faster, quicker to avoid a spell by a mere step to the side, anticipating when it would come and where it would land. Moody stood still, his feet planted apart and unmoving, easily deflecting spells he considered too weak for the need of a shield, sure and confident, not flinching or reacting with more than a frown.

Remus was fascinated at the two different approaches to the same battle and sat grinning with Rhea at his side. "Dad is faster but he can't get him."

"Come on," she grinned and jumped up. "Let's show them what we can do."

She pulled him to the field and with a laugh told him to take rear guard as she pulled her own wand and grinned at Moody. "Two points for a direct hit, one for a nick and three for a full shield. We play to 21."

"Nope," Moody said with a grin. "I've seen your shield girl. Full shield, one point."

"That's just going to take me longer is all," she laughed as she positioned her free hand, getting ready to throw.

"None of that either." Moody said quietly as he saw Remus look at her strangely.

She spun to see him standing with his eyes lowered to her boots, his brow wrinkled in thought. Calling him out of his memory, she told him to take the lead, and stepped behind him, then nodded to John to start.

.

.

.

"We got you good, go ahead admit it," Remus said with his mouth full as they ate lunch, laughing at Moody's excuses for losing the game.

"Learned a long time ago not to beat witches, not if you ever want them in…"

"Shut up, Alastor!" Rhea shot him a look. "Remember who you are talking to."

Moody levelled Remus with a look that wiped the smile off his face at once. "I think your little boy here has done grown up, Rhea. Think he needs to make a few decisions."

"Not yet," John said quickly. "He's still a…"

"Not too young, Dawlish. Others his age are already being told whose side to take. That Black boy for one."

"Sirius? You've seen him?" Remus asked.

"No, can't say that. Neither has his aunt, although she hears things."

"Moody?" Rhea asked.

"We got a call that he was missing, broke my heart it did to see him dragged back to that place, but until his birthday he's got no say in the matter."

"All boys think their Dads are out to get them at one time or another," John said as he reached over the table and ruffled Remus' hair. "What you say son?"

Remus locked his eyes with his father, remembering how close he had come to hurting him. "Yeah, I guess, but it's not like that with Sirius. He … he is scared of his Dad… I mean, really scared. Not scared that he will beat him, but sacred about what he is doing, what he wants Sirius to do. His brother, he's in Slytherin and … Sirius can't stand it. He wants him to ask to be resorted, but the Headmaster won't hear of it. They don't talk much, and when they do they just start fighting."

"This is going to be a hard year for him," John said with a sigh, then nodded towards the window. "Remus, let that owl in."

He pulled off the missive, surprised it was for him. Running the Hogwarts' seal under his thumb he heard Moody's laugh. "Makes ya nervous, hey boy? Think they owl you detentions?"

Remus grinned and opened the envelope, feeling foolish to think that Moody would have waited all this time to report him and the others for their midnight trip to the Astronomy Tower. He stood and re-read the letter twice before swallowing hard and handing it to his mother.

"I can't do this," he said clearly upset.

"Remus," she said grinning widely. "Prefect? You made Prefect!"

"Good boy, well done." John stood and looked over her shoulder at the letter. "Guess you have been doing more up there than just getting into trouble."

Remus felt his neck turning red and glanced up at Moody who pulled out a cigar, and rolled it between his fingers, examining it as he grinned. Tucking it back in his pocket, he started to laugh.

"Guess Dumbledore thinks he can do what the Professors can't," Moody guffawed. "Go on now. I know you are dying to share the good news with your friends.

Waiting until Remus had disappeared into the floo, Moody told Rhea and John about his fears that Remus could no longer hold his magic at bay. He was using too much, too young, Moody argued, more so than any other child he had seen. He granted them that Remus could control himself on a field, in a game, but worried about what would happen if he could not keep the wolf away when he angered.

"That's shite," Rhea said, "I don't remember many boys his age that could do at twenty what he can do at fifteen. You saw him today. You know how strong he is. What worries me is that he will draw Greyback's attention if he gets involved in this whole thing again."

"How much does he know of his brother?"

Rhea became interested in tidying the kitchen, picking up the dishes and putting them in the sink. "He knows."

"What? That he was bitten? That he died from some illness?" Moody slammed his walking stick on the floor, causing Rhea to jump, and then spin around to look at him.

"Does he know it was only his eyes that got him killed? Does he know this is for the rest of his life and each day could be his…"

"He knows what he needs, all he needs." Rhea stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her. It was time for the milking, and she would much rather be working than talking about the future.

.

.

.

Remus flooed to James' house and shoved the letter at him at once. James laughed then fell to his knees and contacted Peter, telling him to collect Sirius and join them. They each read the letter and congratulated Remus with a roll of their eyes. Peter punched his arm and laughed that it would make it easier to have one less Prefect hunting them down this year.

"Peter!" Mrs Potter stood wiping her hands on her apron. "Shame on you, all of you. Being a Prefect brings a certain amount of responsibility with it. Don't you dare expect him to turn the other way just because he knows you."

"No, Mrs. Potter," Peter said meekly. "We were just teasing him."

"Sirius," she said as she walked back into the kitchen, "come help me reach the top shelf."

Sirius shrugged as he stood to follow her, shooting a quick glace at James and swallowing hard. "Give me a minute, okay?"

"Sure," Remus said, and then waited until he had left the room. "What's up with him?"

"Shhh," James held his finger to his lips, and scooted further from the open kitchen door, "things are getting bad at home. He says when he is sixteen he is leaving and Mum is trying to talk him about it."

"Where is he going?" Remus looked back to the door, and leaned closer to James.

"His aunt's house, only he can't. You know what they are doing to people like Tonks. If he goes there he would be putting his uncle at risk."

"Mine is no better then his are," Peter said, looking away. "Gran … well, she says she's too old to keep up with me. Says once I'm of age she'll be glad to be done tending kids."

Remus sat silently, not knowing what to say to Peter, hearing the pain in his voice and knowing there was no way to fix it.

"Hey," Sirius walked in the room with his hand in one pocket, jingling his money. "I happen to have enough for lunch if we eat cheap. How about we head down to the Hogs Head? He lets 5th years in."

"We aren't 5th…" Peter pouted.

James jumped up and headed for the floo. "Close enough. Only a week away."

They arrived to an almost empty bar and took one of the tables in front of the fireplace. Remus looked around and saw the lady from the Three Broomsticks sitting at the bar. He shivered at the cold and lifted his hands towards the fire to warm them. Leaning closer he began to grin.

"Hey, not even a real fire. Talk about cheap. He could at least toss some wood in there."

"Why is it so fucking cold in here?" Sirius asked.

"My dad says he keeps it this way so he doesn't have to buy a cooler for the mead," Peter said.

"Cooler? Since when do you keep the mead in a cooler?" James asked.

Sirius grinned and winked at Remus. "I guess when it comes in it can be a little hot in the…umm…"

"In the delivery," Remus laughed.

Aberforth looked up from the bar and scowled at them. "I don't want him in here I tell you, now you get rid of him or I will set him out myself."

Rosmerta glared at Aberforth with her hands resting on her ample hips and her foot tapping in time with the drops hitting the window. "It's raining, have you noticed?"

"Don't care," he said. "They came in, they go out."

"They used the floo old man. I won't kick them out into the storm. When it's over I will have them out, until then you bite your tongue and keep still."

Rosmerta picked up the tray full of butter beers and carried it to the table where the four sat leaning over the table whispering together.

"You should be down at the Broomsticks not in here." She slammed the tray down on the table and smirked as they all jumped and looked up at her meekly. "You know the rules Black. I've warned you about this before, you can come to my place but stay out of here."

"Once, just that once you caught me in here," he said silkily, as he pouted at her though his thick lashes.

"Don't you go acting all sweet and innocent boy. And you," she said turning to Peter, "I seem to remember having a conversation with you about being in here after curfew. Told you not to come back I did."

"Seems you are down here quite a bit yourself," he smirked then looked around the table for the approving grins that he knew would follow.

"That's no matter of yours. When it stops raining you can come down to the Broomsticks with me, but you don't come back in here."

She ruffled Remus' hair and saw his golden flecked eyes turn up to her. "I have work for you today. You hear?"

Sirius watched her as she walked away, her skirt swaying in the rhythm of her walk and her heels clicking on the floor. "Merlin Moony, she can rub my head any time she wants."

"Shut up, she's just friendly is all. She told my mum she will let me earn spending money."

"Yeah, I would like to be friendly with her," Sirius grabbed his crotch and moaned.

"Knock it off," Remus muttered. "She'll see you and we won't even be allowed back in her place."

"Get off it, Sirius, she would eat you up and spit you out. Anyway, she lets us sit in her place, not like some others." Peter laughed. "Although why she picked you Moony, is beyond me."

"I should go." Remus looked back at the bar to see Aberforth glare at him. "Rain is letting up anyway."

"Letting up? I can't even see across the street." Sirius lifted his head to peer out the dirty glass in the door. "Shite Moony, you can't go out there yet. You can't swim, least at this time of the month."

Remus dug in his pocket and found his coin for the butter beer, laying it on the table and looking again at Aberforth. "Nah, really guys, I'll meet you down there in a bit. I think I best leave. Ya know?"

Rosmerta grabbed his arm just as he was opening the door and pulled him to the floo. Throwing a couple of sickles in the box she drew out a handful of powder and threw it down as she pulled Remus in with her, shouting out "The Three Broomsticks" loud and clear.

"Costs as much for one as for two. Cheap bastard charges for the powder." She pushed him out into the Inn while she brushed off her skirt. "Now you tell me what the bloody hell you thought you were doing, going to the Hogs Head?"

"I … umm… well, I just…"

"Just didn't think, that's the truth of it."

"I guess not."

"You guess." She rolled her eyes at him. "Listen Lupin, you have to start standing up and just flat out saying no when they want you to do something you know is wrong."

"Why is it wrong for me to …?"

"You know why young man, don't pull that weepy eyed shite with me." She shook her head and stomped off toward the kitchen. "Well? You eating or just pouting?"

Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and started following her to the kitchen grinning as he watched her backside sway, remembering how Sirius liked to watch her walk. He climbed up on the stool she kept at the end of her worktable and waited until she slid over a bowl of stew to him.

"What do you need done today?" he asked between bites.

"I have two loose shutters upstairs. You can wait until it stops raining or see if you can spell it though the glass. The guests are complaining."

"That all?" He poked at the stew frowning.

"No, you can carry up the bottles from the cellar. Magic doesn't mix well with soda drinks."

"That's why they taste flat down in Diagon sometimes."

"What are you doing in the Alley?" She turned and glared at him.

"Just went a couple of times."

"We need to talk Remus," she sighed loudly.

"Ah, Rosie, I know I shouldn't have gone there but everyone else was."

"Just like today? They tell you what to do and you do it? And you call me Rosie again and I cut your gizzard out."

"We just stopped in today to… well I guess to get Aberforth going." He admitted with a shrug.

"I know, but Aberforth thinks you are… different. Now, maybe that is wrong and maybe he shouldn't but that's the way of it. Just you be glad he hasn't spread it around."

"It's hard. Ya know?"

"I know Lupin, trust me. I know all about different. Not for the same reason, and not for the rest of my life, least ways I hope not, but I think I know the feeling. I've been treated like I carry the plague a couple of times myself."

"Yeah, right," he said sarcastically with a roll of his eyes.

Rosmerta put her hands flat on the table and stared at him wondering how much Rhea had told him. She glanced back at a picture over the table and then to him. She knew his illness brought a maturity that his friends could not understand and tried to guage just how much he knew and would be able to forgive for not being told. She silently cursed his Mum for thinking he was better off not knowing.

"Remus, right now you are young and usually go places with your friends, but a time will come when you won't have them around you, to protect you. A time will come when things you think you know about people will be turned on its ear."

"I don't want them to protect me," Remus began to anger. "I can take care of myself."

"No, Lupin. You cannot. Not if you are in the wrong place, alone, with no one to tell what happened." Rosmerta laid her hand over his and lifted his chin with her other. "Promise me Remus. So help me Merlin I will floo your Mum and make you take a wizard oath the second the clock strikes on your birthday, you'll be old enough come spring, if I catch you at this again. Should have done it before, and I will bloody hell do it now."

"You worry too much." He grinned at her with that lopsided grin that made her want to break his neck.

"Gods, you haven't listened to a word you've been told."

"Rosmerta? How did you know about, well you know, I never told you?"

"That's my story young man." She winked at him and grinned. "Enough to say I recognized something in you. Then, that day your Mum came here and had lunch with you, your first week at Hogwarts I was sure."

"She told?"

"No, not in words." Rosmerta lied as she remembered his mother's tears. "Just the way she treated you reminded me of the way my… my friend's Mum treated him."

"Is he still around. I mean in Hogsmeade?"

"No, but even if he were I could not tell you that." She frowned at him. "I still see some of his friends from time to time. Can I tell them you would like to meet them?"

Remus looked down at the empty bowl and shook his head. "No, I don't think I want anyone else to know. It's fine that the ones that know are okay with it, but … I am not sure I want it out there for everyone."

"I think maybe it would do you good to meet them. Sort of show there is no reason to walk around like a whipped puppy all the time. I know your Mum thinks different, but you need to grow a backbone boy. You need to be sure of yourself. When you are, the anger will be easier to handle." She reached over and ruffled his hair again. "Now get to the shutters or you owe me for lunch."

She looked up at the unmoving picture over the kitchen table she had pushed into the corner and thought that after all these years she missed him still. The same amber flecks in his eyes, the same lopsided grin, and the same fear lurking in the corners of his mind had been in him as it was now in his younger brother. She thought of how Marcus used to rage against unjust treatment and beliefs in the old stories. She ran the back of her hand over her eyes to rid them of tears as she quickly looked around to make sure the boy was not watching, then made her decision.

"Lupin," she called up the stairs. "Leave the shutters. It is still raining too hard. Just get the sodas up."

"I tried." He came running down the stairs, hitting his heels on the bare wood and sending vibrations though the entire building.

"Lupin, do you take lessons on being noisy?"

"Yeah," he laughed at her look. "I'll get those sodas."

"No, leave them. With all this rain, I won't need them for a while. Bring up the butter beers instead."

Rosmerta nodded her head toward the open cellar door. "To the bottom and the right. Back up against the wall. Careful now, you break you buy."

"Got it." He started hitting his heels on the cellar steps and looking over his shoulder at her, then grinned and walked down silently.

Rosmerta turned , leaned her arms on the counter, lowered her head, and took deep breaths. She hoped she was doing the right thing. She sat on the stool he had used for his lunch and listened to his footfalls as they came slowly back up the stairs.

He walked into the kitchen empty handed and looked at her, his eyes large and unblinking.

"You? Are you…?"

"No, you know better than that. Don't you think you would know by know if I were?"

"Then who? Who did you hide down there?"

"Marcus."

"Marcus?" he asked, his voice uncertain and low. "My… my bro… my Marcus?"

"Yes, that's why your Mum felt comfortable here, why she brought you here for lunch. She wanted me to see who you were." Rosmerta took a deep breath and willed her stomach not to roll. "She came here the first time to show me what to do for Marcus, how to handle him, and to explain it to me."

"I don't remember him you know. They never talked about him. I mean, I know he existed, I just don't remember him at all."

"He stayed away when you were born and left for good soon after. He was just about to turn sixteen, and scared he would hurt you. He was older than you, already in school when Greyback got to him. That was before Albus knew about your family, I guess. Your Mum saw what happened with him, she knew what to do better with you, with the healers and all. And she plead with Albus until he found a way to let you in and get your name out of the Ministry registers."

"He came here? To you? My brother…Marcus I mean."

"Not for a while. He was around twenty I think when we… when I first met him. I only knew him at the end. A little over three years."

"When did he, you know, and how?"

"When were you bit? Fenrir heard he died and then went after you. Your brother was punishment for your father, so when Marcus was gone he went for you."

"Seven years ago. He died seven years ago?"

"Yes." She forced herself to sit still and look at him calmly, hiding her trembling hands in her lap where she twisted the folds of fabric around them.

"Did he, you know, did he … how did he …?"

"It was near the holidays, all he did was go shopping alone. I am not sure, but… the story is the shopkeeper recognized his eyes and panicked. You need to promise me to do what I said." She looked up at the picture hanging over the table. "He was dead when they brought him home so I didn't get to yell at him. But I swear by Merlin's beard boy, if you keep this up and make me bury you too, I will skin you alive."

Remus looked at her and tried to grin at her attempted joke.

"I need to go." He stood and looked out the window, seeing the rain falling just as hard as it was earlier. "I need to get out of here."

"Go, you can fix the shutters next time." She stood and picked up her knife to start chopping the vegetables again. "Remus? Remember he left home to protect you because he cared. He didn't want you to know, he was … I don't know, maybe ashamed."

"Mum and Dad, they never…"

"No fault there boy. It was hard for them to talk about it." Rosmerta narrowed her eyes at him. "He was proud of you."

He nodded, shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at her nervously, his eyes filling with his own tears. "Rosmerta?"

"Make it good boy, you can see I'm busy."

"I've never heard your last name." He almost whispered his question as if the answer would be a betrayal of all he had known.

"Lupin," she said softly as her tears found their way over her cheek. "Same as you boy. I trust this will stay between us?"

"Why… why didn't I know? Why … ?"

"It's wrong. I know that, Remus. But… this is all I have, this Inn. If it comes out that we were married…my guests would stay away. It is all I have. I've worked hard to keep it."

"Were you ashamed of…"

"Gods no," she said in a rush and hurried to pull him close. "Never, never would I be ashamed of him! Someday you will find that there are different reasons for hiding things including whom you love. But never, never be ashamed of it."

* * *

**A/N: The last bit beginning in the Hogs Head was part of a one shot I did earlier, **_**A Witch with One Name.**_** It has changed slightly but belongs here as I originally intended. **


	33. Being a Wolf and All

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 33**

**Being a Wolf and All**

* * *

After Remus took the first years to their rooms and made sure they had no further questions, he ran to find the others, knowing if it were the same as every other year, they would be on the Astronomy Tower catching up on the latest news.

"Good grief Moony, what did you do? Tuck them in?" Peter teased.

"Nah, had to give them all the names of the upperclassmen to stay away from. There were three in particular…"

James swatted the back of his head to shut him up. "One. One, Moony. The one that will rip out the throat of the first year with the stupidest question."

"That would have been you then, but I let you live," Remus joked back as he slid to the floor. "What are you guys up to?"

"Remember the map we started?" Sirius asked. "Well, I was talking to Moody about… about things. He showed me how to make a map of my house that would show me where everyone was. We can use it here. No one, and I mean no one, can catch us with this."

They watched as he demonstrated the spell and practiced until they could each duplicate it with ease. Drawing a quick map of the tower, they watched as Peter cast the spell and their names appeared on it. Remus grinned and tapped the map with his wand, making the writing disappear and then tapped it again to make it show their names.

"My Dad uses this when he leave notes for Mum they don't want me to see," he said grinning. "Only he puts a password on it so I can't open it."

"Do you still have the map you made?" James asked Remus.

"Yeah, but we have to update it with the new tunnels our rat friend here found down in the dungeons," Remus muttered. "And if we are going to do it right we should include the grounds."

"At least down to the Whomping Willow." Sirius frowned. "We don't want to get caught down there. The shite would really hit the fan if we did."

"How are we going to spell everyone's name?" Peter sat frowning. "I mean, it will work but what if someone else comes along? Someone whose name we forgot?"

"I'm working on it," Sirius snatched up the map and shoved it in his pocket. "I can get the tracks to show, like footprints, all I have to do is figure out how to get it to show all the names and not just the ones we know."

"I'll work on a better map," Remus chewed the inside of his cheek, deep in thought. "I have those pens I got for Christmas a couple of years ago."

"What did Madame Pomfrey say?" James leaned back and rested on his elbow. "They got a potion yet?"

"No," Remus shot him a sneer, "you know there isn't one I can use."

"Snape there again?" James asked innocently.

"Yeah, he wouldn't let Madam Pomfrey do more than look in his eyes and stuff. I could hear them arguing way down to where I was."

"I heard rumours about his Mum." James grinned.

"Yeah?" Peter said, looking up from a sack of sweets he had pulled out from his inner pockets. "You guys want some?"

"Holding out?" Remus snatched the bag from Peter's hand.

"A friend of my Mum's was up at St. Mungo's when a Mrs. Snape came in. Said she looked like shite. Fell down some stairs."

Remus felt his stomach plunge as he remembered how Snape had flatly refused to let Pomfrey examine his back, claiming he was getting too old, and things had gotten better at home. He looked at James and wanted him to shut up. "Hey, so you guys ever manage to change into anything yet or do you still just get furry?"

Sirius jumped up and started stripping off his clothes. "I got it. James still can't get his privates to change. Funniest thing I ever saw," Sirius guffawed. "Go ahead, Potter, show them."

"Shut up," James warned, having the good grace to blush.

"You mean everything but your tool changes?" Peter asked in awe. "Gee, that's rough. I got my tail to look right."

"Oh, please, James, don't show me," Remus grinned. "I didn't bring my glasses."

"Shut up," James complained, "at least mine isn't covered with fur.

Remus burst out laughing. "You need to read up on it, Potter. You don't even know what it looks like. No wonder you can't change it. Maybe you can find a picture book down in the restricted section. The restricted section at the bookshop I mean. I don't think the library has stuff on bestiality."

Sirius squatted down and closed his eyes, concentrating, and then suddenly morphed into a large black dog.

"Cor," Remus let out in awe, grabbing Peter's arm. "It don't even hurt?"

"No, sort of tingled the first couple of times, and when you come back you sort of have to… throw it off. You'll see him … shudder, sometimes when he changes back. I did it a few times, but it's getting better now. Hardly bothers me at all."

Sirius rolled over on his back and squirmed around on the floor, his tongue lolling to the side.

"His back itches," Peter grinned as he shoved both hands against the dog's body, rolling it to its stomach and began to scratch its back. "The books says that goes away too, but dogs do it all the time anyway so I'm never sure if it's a dog thing or if he is just screwing around."

"So… you scratch Black's back? Tell me Peter, do you rub his belly too?" James grinned. "Sounds sort of kinky."

"No, but dogs like to smell people's balls, maybe if you get up you can ask him to lick…"

"Say it and I buy rat traps," Potter said angrily.

"Come off it," Remus cautioned as he stood up. "First night of term, you know McGonagall is up to her bed checks again. I have to look in on the first years."

"Yeah, guess it's late."

Remus reached down and scratched Sirius's ears. "I wonder if anyone would notice he was missing. I like the dog better. Quieter this way, and I think he smells better too. We could sneak him back inside just as he is. Who would know?"

Sirius morphed back and grabbed his clothes, turning his back on them as he stepped into the trousers. "Watch it Lupin," he shot over his shoulder.

"How long before you don't have to take off your clothes?"

"I almost got it," Sirius sighed. "But when I change back they don't come with me, then I have nothing to wear."

"Listen, I have to get going. See ya in the room later." Remus took off at a run, knowing he had to get to the first years before McGonagall did her surprise visit.

Once it was quiet, he snuck down to the infirmary, feeling a little better knowing that as a Prefect the other students would not question him, and he only had to be on watch for the Professors.

"Mr. Lupin?" Madam Pomfrey greeted him when he stepped into the infirmary. "Is there a problem?"

"I don't know…I have a couple of questions. Changing into an Animagi doesn't hurt, yet … when I change I almost black out it's so bad. I was thinking…"

"No, it does not work the same." She indicated that he should follow her and led him to the office, and pointed to the chair opposite her desk. "I know it seems to be the same but it is not." Opening her desk drawer, she removed a book and handed it to him. "I found this…oh, about three years ago now. You were too young at the time, but you should be able to read it now. There has only been one werewolf that has ever able to take on an Animagi form, an unwise decision, as you will see. He met with a horrid end, chapter nine I believe."

"I was thinking…if I could change into a wolf just before the moon, perhaps…"

"Do you think, Mr. Lupin, that you are the first werewolf to think of this? No? Yes?" She clicked her tongue and shook her head at him. "Read that book and do not consider this again. You will not find anything about this in the Ministry's suggestions. I have always thought they do not mention this on purpose. Do you understand what I am saying?" She tapped the cover of the book. "They could not even identify what came back when the moon dropped. Suffice to say it did not live."

"I think so," he said, looking up from the book. "One less of us they would have to contend with."

"Yes, Mr. Lupin. Now, you said you had more than one question as we will consider your first not an option to be entertained."

"More like something to tell you. I … I feel like a tattletale, and I should keep out of it…but… well, Snape. Peter said his Mum was in St Mungo's, she said she fell down stairs…but… I …"

"You don't understand how a witch could… one, fall without enough magic to stop herself, and two…could not do enough home-healing to avoid a hospital."

"Yeah." He shrugged and locked his eyes on hers. "I don't like Snape, he always makes me feel like I am not as good as he is, and looks down on everyone not in Slytherin. But I think you should maybe … could you take another look?"

"Mr. Lupin, why does this bother you so much?" Madam Pomfrey leaned back in her chair studying his face.

He leaned forward in his chair, laying his forearms on his legs and studying the floor. "I guess I know how it feels. I sometimes hurt for a couple of days after the change. I hurt so bad sometimes I want to cry, but I can't do that, now can I? Only I know if it gets too bad I can come down here and get something or I could send an owl to my Mum and Dad." He looked up at her sadly. "Where does he go?"

"Have you ever spoken to him?"

"Nah." He sat back up and leaned back in his chair. "He and James are like oil and water and Snape has no sense of humour. We sometimes … well, maybe not…we…but I sometimes try to talk to him when Lily…that's Miss Evans, anyway when she is around, but he just … I don't know. He takes everything I say wrong."

"Is there anything else, Mr. Lupin?"

He nodded and began to unbutton his shirt, wincing as he pulled it down over his shoulders. "I know you said it may take a couple of days, but it hurts something fierce. Could you maybe, you know, try again so I can sleep?"

Madam Pomfrey pressed her lips together and nodded crisply as she took her wand and went to stand behind Remus. "Extend your arm and place your hand on my desk."

He did as she asked. Squeezing his eyes shut and taking several breathes before gulping down the last one and holding it in as she lit her wand and again dragged a shaft of white light over the wound. Unable to take the pain any longer than he had the first time, earlier in the evening when she had tried, he pulled away with a yelp.

"Sorry," he muttered, and dragged his hand under his nose.

"It is I that should be sorry young man," she sighed, and threw her wand down on her desk. "I am afraid that one is going to scar. Wounds caused by … magical creatures do not always heal… I am afraid you will have to get used to it."

"Dad said they are cracking down on the unregistered." He tucked his chin down to concentrate on buttoning his shirt, wanting to avoid looking at her for fear she would know this was his real reason for seeking her help.

"So I have heard."

"He said that the salve you have me put on before the change is being regulated and that now only gamekeepers could get hold of it. He says they figured out it was being used on people like me."

"Yes. However, there are other…"

"Right," he snorted, "and now you are going to tell me that the Headmaster is going to talk to me about it."

"Remus! We have a gamekeeper, and Hagrid has a supply that we have access to, so you stop this self-pitying right now! Do you hear me?"

He stood up and glared down at her. "It's not self pity. It's knowing that my medicine is from the leftovers of some animal in a cage. You know animal salve isn't approved like the salve you use, it's not the same as for … humans. Only I'm not considered a human any longer, am I? Why not just tell me the truth."

"Remus, come back here," she called after him as he walked calmly to the door. "We do what we must."

"Right," he called over his shoulder, "and from now on so do I."

.

.

.

Sirius climbed up the astronomy tower, pulling open the top door and stepping out onto the platform, calling Remus as loudly as he dared. Hearing no response, he turned to go back down the door when the sound of rustling fabric alerted him that someone was on the platform with him.

"Remus, come on, if I'm going to get my arse in a wringer looking for you at least you could talk to me."

"Over here," Remus sighed. "Happy? Now you can go back and tell them you found me."

"They're sleeping. Told McGonagall you had business down with Pomfrey, but that was hours ago. What's up?"

Remus stepped out from the shadows, and joined Sirius who had lowered to the floor, resting his back along the low stone rampart. "It's getting worse," he admitted as he slid down to sit next to his friend.

"Would think it gets better, you know, practice and all."

Remus shrugged. "Says that in the books, but not one of the authors is like me. They just keep repeating the same things people always thought and half the books I have are full of shite that's just not true. Guess it sells books."

"Oh, I forgot." Sirius pulled a sandwich, wrapped in a piece of writing parchment from his pocket. "Nicked it from the kitchen. You missed dinner."

"Thanks." Remus laid it down on his lap. "I'll eat it later, but … yeah, thanks."

"So, how long you plan on sitting up here?" Sirius grinned.

"I think I should leave."

"Yeah, we should. It's three in the bloody morning."

"No, I mean I should leave here, Hogwarts. I've been thinking about it."

"Shut up, Lupin," Sirius said incredulously.

"I had a brother. His name was Marcus, but … his middle name, the one he went by at the end, was Romulus. He … he was like me, and he left home when he was my age. If he could do it, I can."

"I didn't know you had a brother. There's a plaque down in the trophy room with that name on it, but I thought it was a cousin of something."

"No, it's my brother." Remus laid his head back on the wall and tipped his head up to look at the stars. "Three quarter moon tonight. Sirius, I can't keep this up."

Sirius looked up to the sky with him drawing up his knees and wrapping his arms around them.

"He went into a store. That's all he did, just went to a store, and some louts beat him to death. How could you do that? Hit someone so hard with your fists that you killed him?"

"Listen man, you can't just chuck it. You just got here. Shit man, it's the first day back. Give it some time."

Remus unbuttoned his shirt and pulled his arm out of the sleeve, turning around to show Sirius the wound, then pulled it back on just as quickly.

"Merlin's balls! What the fuck happened?"

"You know what happened. It's getting worse. I don't even remember it …but there are always cuts, or things like this to remind me when I wake up. I can't do it anymore." His voice cracked as he swiped his eyes, ashamed to cry in front of Black.

"What about old lady Pomfrey?"

"She can't do anything anymore. Oh, sure, she can heal what she can, and give me shite from some vet, and that stuff to make me groggy so I don't try running off, but she can't make it better. Sirius, if this is the best it will ever be…I don't want to do it anymore."

"You got to stick it out. You take your O.W.L.s this year. Even if you don't finish, you've got to get your O.W.L.s. You can't get any kind of job without them, unless you plan on staying up at that farm."

Remus stood up and clenched his fists. "Look at me Black! Take a good fucking look at me! This is it! This is all I can ever be! What good is a fucking outstanding going to do me? Where the fuck am I ever going to get a job?"

"Hey, man, calm down," Sirius cautioned as he stood up.

"I want to kill him. I want to shove my Dad's old rifle up that bastard's arse and kill him! And then I want to take his head and shove it in the Ministry's face. They let this happen… they left Greyback alone. I want to know why! I want to know why they let that son-of–a–bitch live!"

"Remus, hey, listen… there's things happening, you know what's going on," Sirius frowned at him. "Greyback is part of it. What do you think? You think just because your Dad and Moody work down there that everyone can be trusted? What the fuck do you think happened to Tiffany? You think someone acted alone and thought she was such a sweet piece of meat…?"

"Shut up!" Remus snarled. "Shut up about her! I got her killed. Me. I did that!"

"Ah man." Sirius ran his hand through his head and with a loud sigh. "I didn't mean it like that. You know I didn't. I liked her too, you know that."

"Don't pretend you aren't thinking of leaving too. I know you are."

"Not on my own," Sirius said quietly. "It's different for me. I have to stay, stay and fight. It's the Black name and all and… I have a brother. If it was Marcus, if he was younger, you would stay for him, right?"

Remus was surprised to see the fight go out of Sirius, as he slid down to the floor again, sitting with his back to the wall, and pulling out a joint, lighting it with his wand and inhaling deeply. He held it up to Remus with two fingers pinching off the end, his eyes questioning.

Remus lowered himself to join him, taking the joint and sucking in the smoke, holding it in his lungs as long as he could, until his head began to swim, and the tension melted from his body.

"It's my last one," Sirius grinned.

"Are we going to die in all this?" Remus asked, tipping his head up to the sky, finding Orion and lifting his thumb to block out the Dog Star. "I always figured I would. You know…the wolf and all. What about you?"

"Maybe, but I plan to have some fun on the way. You know, being a Black and all."


	34. Dogs and Candy Shops

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 34**

**Dogs and Candy Shops**

* * *

The wolf prowled up the dark steps, leaving the cellar with the earthen floor behind it, seeking, always seeking the smells. Padding down long narrow passages it stopped at each opening, sat on its haunches, lifted its snout and smelled the odour of each space, knowing nothing had been there. Finding no other scent but its own urine marking its route it lifted its head, let out a long howl heralding its arrival and claimed this space as its own.

Waiting for an answering howl, it lowered its head, snarling as its hair bristled across its back as the sense of danger became overwhelming. Danger. The wolf could feel it in the air, could hear it in the shifting of dirt in the tunnel. Danger, it heard it in the movement coming from the bowels of the shack. With a quick turn, the wolf ran down the steps, returning to its place of birth, and then shoved its muzzle into the damp earth, smelling the new intruder.

A low rumble began in the wolf's chest as its lips pulled back, saliva dripped from its mouth as its eyes searched the darkness. A small movement in the far corner caught its attention. Falling to its stomach in a low crouch, it inched forward, the smell of fresh game only inches away. It shifted, putting its weight back on its hind legs, ready to spring… when a large black dog leapt on its back, taking the wolfs attention from the small rat in the corner and effectively drawing the wolfs attention.

The dog sprang up, and ran into the tunnel, turning just once, barking, and further drawing the wolf's attention from the tiny creature, then turned and fled… the wolf in chase.

.

.

.

Remus rolled over on his back, biting back a hiss of pain. He arched his back off the damp earth, gritting his teeth as a wave of nauseous pain gripped him. He heard the last of his bones grind back in alignment. Moving to his side, he curled into a ball and moaned, holding his stomach and biting through his bottom lip to keep from screaming.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and the warmth of a blanket. He squeezed his eyes shut, turning his head away, not wanting Madam Pomfrey to see him like this. Not wanting anyone to see that the wolf could make him cry.

He sobbed as the pains lessened, finally able to draw enough air into his changing lungs to support a human's greater need, he gasped, drawing in the air in ragged gulps, strangled noises filled the cellar under the shrieking shack as his vocal cords returned to normal.

He lay still, unmoving, not wanting to open his eyes and assess the damage he had done to himself this time.

"Hey man, you okay?"

He snapped his eyes open, and pushed the hand from his shoulder, sitting up and spinning to look at Black in one movement. "What the fuck? You shouldn't be here. You know you shouldn't…I could have hurt you…damn it Sirius, you know better!"

"Hey, take it easy." Black held up his hands, palms out, a sign of surrender and peace. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Your hands." Remus licked his lips and looked around the cellar nervously. "Did I… did I do that? Did I … did I do anything to you?"

Looking at his hands Sirius grinned. "Nah, the pads on my paws must have caught some thorns. You chased me right through that thicket down by Hagrid's hut. Thought for sure he was going to hear us. Hold on."

Sirius dug his wand out and let a thin stream of light trace across Remus' outer lip. "Open up," he frowned, then healed the inside as well.

"Was there… Sirius?" He looked up at Black's face in wonder. "Were we chasing something…a rabbit… a white hare…"

"Yeah." Sirius laughed. "I tried to dig up its hole but…I haven't got the hang of this dog thing yet."

"No, I don't care about that," he whispered, then held his arms up, inspecting his arms for bites. "Not so bad this time."

"Oh, yeah, well… like I said, I didn't know about the thorns or I wouldn't have taken you down there."

"You should go," Remus said quietly. "Before Pomfrey gets here. She'll have a fit."

"Yeah, see you at breakfast?" Sirius turned back at the tunnel entrance, watching Remus' back shake with his silent sobs. "It's going to be better now. You'll see. And Remus, you still have three brothers who need you to stay here. We didn't go through all this to have you turn tail and run. It's time to stand up with us." He turned and crawled through the tunnel, then ran back to the tower, careful not to be caught.

Remus rolled onto his back waiting for the last of the tremors to pass before he sat up, drawing up his knees in hopes of lessening the cramps that still racked his abdomen. He remembered, he thought in awe. He remembered running and feeling sweet grass under his feet. He remembered the wolf lowering its muzzle to the cool moving water in the stream and the wetness on his tongue. He chuckled, thinking of Peter, and knew why he had chosen to be a rat. Only a rat would be small enough to sneak up and press its nose to the knothole, stopping the Whomping Willow and allowing the others to enter. He wrapped his arms around his knees and waited for the last of the pain to pass before dressing and finding Madam Pomfrey.

.

.

Remus spent most of his free time in the library the week following his change. Using the impending O.W.L.s as his excuse, he hid from the others, not knowing how to react and not sure that after seeing what he really was they would still think it was a good idea to join him. He knew now Peter had not kept the secret about his time in the barn, not understanding that the wolf he had played with was only a cub. Still slow and playful.

He felt their footfalls before he saw them, grinning and smirking as they joined him at the back table of the library's study section.

"Quiet!" Remus hissed, craning his neck to see if the front desk was manned. "You're lucky it's Saturday or old lady Pince would put you out on your arse."

"Come on, we are going into Hogsmeade. Lily just left with a bunch of girls," James grinned.

"I'm busy," Remus frowned.

"Ah, come on. I want to meet that Ravenclaw and you know her better than me, I thought you could… you know… start talking about cherries and whipped cream."

Remus couldn't help but grin and looked into Sirius' eyes, knowing it was Black's way of saying there were girls afoot and he had grieved long enough. "I'll help you meet her, but then I am out of it. Got it?"

"Sure, come on before Snape and his group follow them."

Remus levitated his book back to the shelf shaking his head, "You make it sound like we are going hunting."

"We are," Peter smirked. "I told Melinda I would buy her a butterbeer."

"And she said what?" Remus paused and looked at him in surprise, seeing colour begin to climb up under his collar.

"She said…. Okay." Peter swallowed hard. "Now what do I do?"

"You cough up that moth eaten wallet and spring for the price of two butter beers, and don't be cheap about it. Girls don't like cheap," James said knowingly.

Remus frowned as he threw his robes over his shoulders, remembering how Tiffany and he would often share a soft drink or a cup of hot chocolate when it was all he could afford.

"Don't listen to him. Ask him who his last girlfriend was," Remus said softly.

As they walked to town, Remus hung back until he and Sirius were a few steps behind the other two. "Who is it you want me to talk to?"

"Hestia Jones," Sirius grinned.

Remus stopped in the middle of the path staring at him. "Fuck no! She's a second year! Holy Merlin Sirius, you can't be after her…it's…its …wrong."

"I know," Sirius grinned, "but her sister is awesome."

"Fuck," Remus muttered. "I don't believe I'm doing this."

"Fuck…an interesting word, don't you think?" Sirius laughed and slapped him on the back.

"Fine," Remus shrugged off his hand and strode towards Hogsmeade. "I'll get her to meet you, but one wrong word, I mean it Sirius, just one and I'll hex you."

"Hey, she's twelve, what do you think I am?" Sirius' face darkened. "I mean it. She meets her sister in town, at the Broomsticks."

"I don't even remember that she has one."

"Yeah, well, listen, Lupin. Her sister is a squib, but that doesn't really matter to me. She just… I want to meet her."

They arrived in town just in time to see the girls disappear into the sweet shop. "Quick, give me some money," Remus turned to Sirius and held out his hand.

"You nuts?"

"I have one galleon. One, and I am not spending it to pimp your arse to a twelve year old."

Sirius looked at Remus' palm and the door where the girls had just disappeared. "When you put it that way… it sounds… wrong." He dug in his pocket and pressed two galleons into Remus' hand. "Okay, so it sounds wrong, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it."

James came sauntering over, nodding towards Peter, who headed down to the Broomsticks. "I thought he was joking."

"Great," Remus sighed. "Potter, could you meet us someplace in a few minutes. No offence, but you bugger it up whenever Lily is around."

"Do not, she likes me."

"Dead maybe," Sirius snorted.

"Want to have lunch at the Hogs Head?" James asked, ignoring Sirius.

"No, I want to breathe tomorrow and if Rosmerta finds me there I can forget about that," Remus grinned. "You better stay out as well for a while."

"Okay, I'll grab a table at the Broomsticks then, I can spy on Wormtail while I wait."

"Wormtail?" Sirius grinned.

"Okay, come on. You didn't do so well your first time out either."

"What? A little cut on my foot… I told you my foot pads are tender."

"Right, Padfoot, that's you. It's a paw you arse," Remus laughed. "Now, come on and remember… twelve…good gods I don't believe I am doing this…one wrong word and I am out of here, and watch your language… twelve."

Sirius pulled open the door and let Remus walk into Honeydukes first, then followed him in quietly. He saw them at once and nudged Remus with his elbow, nodding toward his intended victim.

Remus was stunned. Hestia had her hand in that of an older girl. A beautiful auburn haired image of her older self. He raised his eyebrow and turned to see Sirius' smirk.

"Told you. Something, right?"

"Shut up," Remus hissed.

Remus began looking at the shelves, as if making a selection, carefully flipping over the small packages, reading the labels, always staying close to the two sisters. As they paid for their purchases he headed for the door, and knocking into Hestia sent her sweets skidding across the floor.

"I'm sorry," Remus muttered, trying to look mortified. "Hestia? Right? From Ravenclaw? Here, let me replace that. I'm sorry."

He guided her back to the shelves and had her put what she wanted into her sack, then followed her up the till and paid for the sweets. Sirius was leaning on the counter, chatting to her sister, and grinned as Remus walked over to them with a very happy little girl.

"Thank you," her sister sighed. "I didn't bring enough to buy it all again, but I will pay you back."

"No, it was my fault entirely." Remus smiled, extending his hand."Lupin, Remus Lupin, and it appears you have already met Sirius, Sirius Black."

"Black?" She reached for Hestia and yanked her by the arm before pushing the child behind her back. "I should have known."

Sirius pushed up from the counter, standing rigidly, the vein in his neck quickening with his heartbeat. "Known what?" he sneered out.

"You and your kind are nothing but arrogant arseholes! You leave my sister alone." She turned to glare at Remus. "Both of you! If I catch you talking to her I will find a way to make sure you never do again."

"Hey," Remus held up his hands, looking at Sirius in confusion, lowering his eyes quickly as the door opened and a flash of light hit his face. He looked up only a second later to see Sirius had taken his wand from his pocket and stood silently glaring back at the squib.

"I may be a Black, of which I am proud, but I am not a worthless piece of…"

He stopped when a gob of spittle landed on his cheek. "Black! The very sound of it sickens me." She pushed past him, dragging Hestia with her, breaking into a run once they were outside.

"It's over," the shopkeeper called above the building chatter. "A little misunderstanding…Mr. Black? Take it outside please."

Sirius pushed the door open so hard it slammed into the side of the building.

"What was that all about?" Remus hurried to his side, matching his stride to keep up. "You said you didn't know her."

"Black. That's all she heard," he spat angrily. "That's all anyone is going to hear. I have to get out of that fucker's shadow. I have to."

"Sirius." Remus grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around. "She doesn't understand. It's not you… it's who she thinks you are."

"Right, and your brother was beaten to death by her kind. It is that kind of thinking that is making this war possible and getting people like Tiffany killed."

Remus released his arm, running his hands through his hair. "Yeah, well … it's not like getting to know me would make things better is it?"

"And it's not like anyone that hears Black…"

"Shut up, Sirius," Remus said evenly. "You wanted to meet her and you met her. What else can I do?"

"Nothing," Sirius said flatly. "Come on, let's head into London. I need to get away from here, I need to go somewhere no one knows me."

"How about going to the cinema?"

"Sounds like a plan. Let's get the others."

"Leave Peter, just get Potter," Remus tried to grin. "It has taken him a year to get up enough courage to ask her out, just leave him be."


	35. Lily’s Tears

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 35**

**Lily's Tears**

* * *

Remus headed down to the lake to wait for the others. They were working on an essay about Boggarts and how to identify them that Remus had been excused from as he was the only one in the lesson to get a perfect score on the surprise quiz. Peter had sulked and pouted while James and Sirius had only shrugged their shoulders, admitting that it took less time to write an essay than to study.

He had planned to use the time to put the final changes on the map so it would be ready for Sirius to spell. Only two more tunnels had to be added, tunnels that Peter had found on one of his midnight forays. Looking for a place away from the second years that were taking the opportunity of the unusually warm weather to go for what may be the last swim of the year, he headed to the boulders that lined the shoreline. He was just starting to pull the map and quill from his pocket when the sound of crying came from the stand of tall wild grass just beyond him. Climbing down again, he started to look for the source.

"Lily?" He pushed the undergrowth aside and saw her sitting on the damp ground. "Why are you hiding here?"

"Go away!"

"Not until you get up and move some place dry," he said as he squatted down in front of her.

"I said leave me…"

"And I said you move." He frowned at her and took her elbow to help her stand. "You stay here much longer and you will be a muddy mess. The ground is too soft."

"I don't want him to see me." She wiped her nose on her sleeve and hiccupped.

"Who?"

"Snape."

"He is writing an essay. He won't be done for a while. Now come, sit up where it is dry with me."

She nodded and allowed him to lead her back to firmer ground and up onto the flat stone surface before slumping back down.

"He is awful, just awful. I have tried, really tried not to give up on him but I can't take it anymore."

"What happened? Did he…did he hurt you?" Remus studied her face looking for any hints of marks or bruises.

"No, nothing like that. He's mean and hateful. It's that Mulciber, he is turning just like him. I hate him! I hate them both!"

Remus looked around for someone else that could help. He felt out of his depth with a crying girl. Not knowing what else to do he patted her back and put his arm around her shoulder. Lily leaned her head down on him and began to cry in earnest, hiccupping and wiping her eyes with her sleeve until Remus took off his tie, transfigured it into a handkerchief and handed it to her.

"Thanks," she said as she sat up and dried her face. "I didn't mean to carry on like this."

"It's okay," Remus whispered.

"He called me a fool."

"Oh." Remus swallowed down his grin and again looked around frantically hoping someone else would happen along. "I wouldn't take it this bad, you know how Mulciber is."

"No, Severus called me one. I don't give a rat's arse about Mulciber, but now he has Severus acting just like him."

"Maybe he was just… you know…sort of showing off for his mates."

"No, he meant it," she sniffed. "It's not just what he said. I mean, it's not like it's the first time someone has said something mean to me, but I thought better of him. He never acts that way when it is just the two of us, but then he shows off and acts the arse when there are people watching."

"He lives down in Slytherin, I'm sure it's hard to be a …. umm, to have a Muggle father and live down there."

"That's what I don't understand," she sniffed loudly. "It's not like he's a pure-blood. I know his mum is a Prince but he's not."

"Everyone is picking sides," Remus offered as he looked back at the castle hoping to see the others. "Maybe you could say something to Slughorn."

"That's a waste of time," she snorted. "He encourages them."

"Encourages them how?" Remus said quietly, his voice belying his anger.

"Not to join with Riddle, I didn't mean that. He tells them about dark potions, and encourages them to come up with their own spells and things. He just doesn't get it. He seems to think this whole thing is going to blow over and that by giving them freedom to do what they want he can somehow … I don't know … keep them interested in finishing school and not running off I think. You know some of the seventh years have already left. It's all they talk about at Slughorn's club meetings, that and the new potions and spells they are coming up with."

"Lily, you are better off staying away from Snape. Wait until the summer and try to talk to him at home, you will only make it worse if you say anything in front of his friends."

"I don't see him much at home. His dad is strange…scary strange. I met him once in town and … he talks to him as if he's dirt, but there is something more going on. Severus is scared of him. I think he only goes home because of his mum, and then leaves as soon as he is able. Last summer he was gone more than he was home."

'Yeah, well…come on you can help me." He pulled the map out and smoothed it flat on the stone surface, hoping to take her mind off Snape. "I wanted to get this done today."

He showed her the sketches of the tunnels, and explained where they would go on the map. Then he watched as she picked up his quill and began to draw them in a small precise hand. He pulled out his pens and began to letter the finishing touches, telling her the story of the pens and the trip to London to buy them.

"Guess that sounded kind of boring to you." He grinned, suddenly feeling foolish. "We don't get out to the real world much and for us it is sort of a treat. My real dad used to tell stories about it, but he wouldn't let me go."

"No, really…I've never been to London myself. We live in the north part of the country. Up where the mills are. There's not much to do up there. The only cinema stinks and there are only two places in town to go out and eat, the rest are just workingmens clubs, not real pubs."

"So what did you do when you were growing up Lily Evans, what did you like?" he said with a grin and leaned back on his arms.

"Well, sports I guess. Football mostly. My sister and I would go down and watch the games then we would go shopping, but we didn't get to do too much."

"You play football? I saw that a couple of times but it don't make a lot of sense, not like Quidditch does."

"There was a girls' team at my school, I played some, but you are right. Quidditch is more exciting," she smiled easily. "Severus said he made the team and will be playing this year. He is amazing on a broom."

"James made the Gryffindor team." Remus saw her face turn hard and was sorry he mentioned Potter. "He isn't as bad as you think, Lily. He is…I don't know… Potter is just …Potter."

"He is a spoiled brat."

"Yup, that's Potter," Remus said laughing. "He says things without thinking. He doesn't mean half of what comes out."

"I don't see how you can defend him," she said in a disgusted voice.

"He's my friend, like Snape is yours," Remus said quietly.

"At least Severus isn't a bully, going out of his way to …"

"To say mean and hateful things? Like calling you a fool?"

"That's different," she protested.

'No, what's different is him hanging on to the Malfoys. You know he goes there over the holidays, and meets Lucius in Hogsmeade. He and that Mulciber, both of them are getting in thick with the families known to side with Riddle. You need to keep a distance from that lot."

"He sees Malfoy, but … they were both in Slytherin, they are just friends." Lily bit her lip and looked at him hopefully. "Potter didn't like him from the beginning. If anyone is prejudiced against mixed blood it is Potter!"

"My father was a Muggle, he knows it and is still a friend," Remus reminded her. "I will admit that Snape being raised in the Muggle world is part of it."

"That's stupid. That should have nothing to do with who you like."

"No, it shouldn't, but it makes it different. Like my just going on and on about London and how exciting it was to see a cinema when you do it all the time or you not knowing anything about this world when you first came. It puts people off, makes them suspicious of each other and in these times … a little suspicion isn't that bad. You should be careful of the friends you keep, Lily." Remus raked his hand through his hair and looked out at the lake. "Potter's family is old money. They can trace their family back generations, like the Blacks and the Malfoys. It is important here but they don't really care who you are, not like some."

"That's wrong," she sniffed.

"Yeah, spoken as someone without money or generations of blood to brag about," he grinned. "Even my Mum can only go back five before the Muggles show up and we are flat-out broke, not like the Prince family that Snape comes from. It may bother him that he is considered a mud…a mixed blood here."

"Was the Prince family wealthy?"

"All the old families were at one time. From what I remember, the Prince family died out. Since Snape's mother married outside, they disinherited her, so she didn't get anything. It happens a lot."

"Maybe that's why she never came back here?"

"Could be," he shrugged.

"I thought mixed marriages were common. There are a lot here that have one Muggle parent."

"Sure, but in some of the older families it is like a death sentence. Families like the Blacks, or the Malfoys, and I guess the Prince family must have been the same way."

"That's stupid," she muttered.

"There are lots of the old prejudices still around. That's what is starting this whole thing, or rather that is the reason Riddle is giving." Remus said softly, looking out to the lake, and wanting to admit what he was, but not daring to test her reaction. "We do the same thing with the houses and other things only we don't say it out in the open."

"All I know is that Potter is an idiot and it will serve him right if he falls off his broom," she laughed at Remus' seriousness.

"He won't let on he is hurt if he does. He will blame it on someone else, or make a joke of it, but he will consider it bad form to let on he's in pain."

"Could you do it? I mean if you were badly hurt, could you pretend it didn't bother you?"

"I think so," Remus lied easily, unable to say anything about the pain he went though every month.

"That girl that was killed, the one you knew, did you ever tell her about yourself?"

"No, she wouldn't have understood, and there was more to it." Remus stood up and brushed his robes off. "Come on now, it's time we head back unless you want them to find you down here."

"I should be on my way," she sighed. "I was supposed to be down at the lake waiting for Diane."

"I'll catch you later," Remus said, grinning. "You okay now?"

"Yeah, I just let him bother me more than I should I guess. Maybe you are right about the money thing. Snape lives in a bad area and always seems to put on airs when he is up here. It is as if he doesn't want anyone to know how poor he is. It bothers him not to have more. At home, he never wears anything new, or that fits. He used to be teased all the time. I think his mother must have saved all his clothes money for new robes."

"Yeah?" Remus looked down at his own robes and grinned.

"Stop it, you look just fine," Lilly laughed at the look on his face. "They suit you."

Remus watched her walk away before turning back to the castle thinking that even the slowest student should have had enough time to finish an essay by now. He was not surprised to find Potter and Sirius sitting on the floor outside the library waiting for Peter.

"He is in there by himself," Potter said. "I can't believe how slow he is."

"Give him a break," Sirius chided. "You heard his dad."

Remus slid down the wall to wait with them. "What'd his dad say?"

"If Peter doesn't do well on his N.E.W.T.s he's going to pull him out of school," Sirius spat. "Fucker, he is in so thick with Riddle you can smell him coming."

"He won't be old enough," Remus said with a frown.

"He'll be sixteen before next term starts."

"I was just talking to Evans," Remus rested his head back against the wall, "if we ask her maybe she could help him with his potions."

"I tried," Potter said.

"Yeah, was that before or after your mission to nick chocolate pie from the kitchen?" Remus laughed. "Your idea of making him study lasts until he convinces you he is hungry."

"He has a point," Sirius said thoughtfully. "Did you get the map done?"

"Sure did." Remus pulled it from his pocket and handed it to Sirius. "All it needs now is your spells. Will it be done before the next moon?"

"Should be," Sirius said, studying the changes. "Who drew the tunnels?"

"Evans, she was down at the lake in a mood. Seems her and Snape are on the outs."

"Yeah?" Potter sat up straight, grinning like a five-year-old.

"Quit," Remus rolled his eyes, "she was crying about it. Guess something happened and he called her a fool, only knowing Snape he said she was _acting foolish_. Anyway, she is all worked up about it so I figured whatever he said it was in front of someone else."

"Come on Sirius," Potter said, grinning. "I think I should go comfort her."

"Ah, Potter, don't go telling her I said anything. She will be pissed at you and me both," Remus sighed.

"No, I'll just happen by."

"Right," Sirius stood up and jerked his head toward the library door, "wait for Peter. He should be done soon."

"Yeah, I'll read it over for him." Remus prepared to wait, determined to check Pete's essay before it was turned in.

As soon as Peter was done and Remus had checked his work, they ran to the classroom to hand it in, and then walked down to the lake to find the others. Remus was not surprised to see Potter pointing to Snape and whispering to Sirius sniggering and talking loud enough for others to hear.

"Hey, Pete!" Sirius grinned. "You get it done right finally?"

"I hope, if not I am screwed," Peter said sadly. "I only have two more years to go. You think I can…"

"We got Evans to say she would coach you in potions," Potter interrupted. "Remus is the best at runes and transfiguration, and we can try to find someone who can stay awake in history to help."

"Evans? Evans is getting so far up Snape's arse she doesn't even talk to me when I say hi to her in the halls anymore," Peter pouted.

James stood up and grinned. "Really? Maybe that Snape has to learn his place."

"Sit down," Remus hissed.

"I'm not planning to hurt him," Potter sniggered. "Just a little reminder not to pick on Evans."

"Right," Remus muttered, watching as James walked up the path from the lake.

Peter started to run after Sirius and James as Remus shook his head and walked slowly behind them, getting a bad feeling that something was going to go badly. He shoved his hands in his pockets and trudged along, grimacing when he saw a crowd of on lookers gathering. He knew that with an audience Potter would be in prime form.

"Come on James." Remus tried to grab his elbow. "Maybe there is still time to get to the Broomsticks. From there we can head to London and…"

"Hey Snivellus," James taunted, "Big bad Slytherin got to pick on girls."

Remus rolled his eyes and blanched when he saw Lily's furious face. He turned to go to her when the area exploded in laughter, turning around he saw Snape hanging up side down in the air and heard Sirius and James shouting insults to the delight of the crowd. None too soon Snape was back on the ground with Lily shouting at James and Sirius, until Snape squared his shoulders and told her to shut up, he did not need a Mudblood to defend him.

Remus snapped his head up hearing the term Snape had used, and saw Snape's eyes drift from Lily to him with a look of complete and utter hatred. Remus managed to pull Lily aside, and away from the lake, listening to her sobs and declarations of disgust at Snape's language.

"See?" she choked.

"He… Lily, James pushed him, what was he supposed to do?"

"I didn't see you stepping in to help!" She pushed him back with both hands. "You, the big talker just stood there. You could have stopped him, you're the prefect!"

Remus felt his neck growing hot, and knew it would soon climb up to his face, almost glad when she turned and stomped away. Hearing James and Peter's laughter, he shoved his hands in his pockets and started back to the castle, thinking of Lily's angry words.


	36. Apologies

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 36**

**Apologies**

* * *

Remus stayed as far away from the others as he could the next two weeks, only seeing them in the common room or their dorm. He kept thinking about Lily's words, and how he had been unwilling to stop what had gone on, knowing he should have done more to stop it than the half-hearted attempt he had convinced himself, at the time, was enough. Snape glared at him whenever they passed in the hallways, always making it a point to give him his best sneer as they filed in the classroom for lessons. Remus would keep his eyes lowered, and shove his hands in his pockets, afraid his eyes would give him away.

Avoiding the library, where Snape often studied, Remus sat in the Gryffindor common area, knowing the times it was empty and being able to leave before the younger students noisily filled the room. As it came closer to the full moon, he began to worry about how he would lose his mind without the help of the others. Although he knew he should distance himself from what was becoming a bad situation he still wanted to be part of the group, part of the friendship that had gotten him this far. He leaned back his head on the sofa and closed his eyes, not meaning to fall asleep, but only to rest.

He felt something tickle his nose and still half-awake raised his hand to brush it away only to hear Peter's giggle.

"Merlin, Peter, you sound like a girl," he yawned as he sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"It's only eight and you are sleeping," Peter pointed out. "The guys are up in the tower. They want to plan what we are doing tomorrow night but I can tell them you are sick or something."

"No," Remus said with a sigh. "I always get this way just before the Hunter's Moon. I think the winter is worse because the nights are so much longer."

"You want me to tell them you can't make it?" Peter asked him, obviously concerned. "You don't look so good man. Maybe you better go down and see Pomfrey?"

"No, she'll just make me go to bed. She won't give me anything this close to the full moon. She says it interferes with the sedatives she gives me. I'll be okay."

"James'll be there tomorrow," Peter said, grinning. "He got the whole thing with the clothes right so you will be the only one who has to freeze his nuts off."

"Gee, you put it so nicely," Remus winced as he stood. "_Fuck,_ I can't even take a nap without it hurting anymore. Sorry, come on, let's go find them."

They found James and Sirius sitting with the map spread out in front of them, grinning and pointing to the footsteps that magically appeared. Remus lowered himself down to the cold stone floor, grimacing as his back protested.

"You look like shite," Sirius said appraisingly.

"Gee, thanks, remind me to return the compliment," Remus said with a grimace. "How can you even read this thing? All the names are jumbled together."

"It's just because it's so crowded right now. Once it's time for lights out and the firsties turn in it won't be so bad. And look," he pointed to the area that showed the grounds, "outside they are easy to see. Right now only Hagrid and Wilkes."

"What do you think Wilkes is doing down at the Forbidden Forest?" Peter asked.

"I don't know, but he apparates from there instead of the gates," Sirius said. "I don't trust him anymore than I do Mulciber. His family is tied in with Yaxley, I think his mother's mother was a Yaxley."

"Yeah, but they are married into the Longbottom family too," Peter added, "and they are against Riddle, at least that's what Gran says."

"Who?"

"The Longbottoms," Peter said, looking up innocently. "Weren't they the ones at the naming for that funny kid?"

"Yeah, at least Frank and his parents were there," Sirius offered.

"I wouldn't trust the rest of them," James said. "You stay away from them. Your Dad will be all over you to get in thick with them just to ask questions."

"He does already," Peter said sheepishly. "He keeps asking about you, but I don't tell him anything. I keep saying that we are roommates but we don't get on."

Sirius lowered his head back down to the map, but not before Remus saw the vein in his temple beating stronger, a sign that he was about to lose his temper. Wanting to avoid any scene, he quickly dropped to the floor and began to plot with the others. He wrinkled his brow and frowned at James' insistence they could skirt Hogsmeade and make their way to the river.

"Why not just the lake," Remus offered, trying to lead them away from a populated area.

"Nah," James smirked. "Black wants to run into the Hogs Head and see if he can't …"

"Oh no," Remus said adamantly. "Old man Aberforth sees you down there on a full moon and he will give you hell, that and floo the Headmaster. We don't need that."

Peter nodded in agreement. "If I get caught with you I'm screwed. My dad will yank my arse out of here so fast I won't last till morning."

"Okay, but we are still heading down to Hogsmeade," Sirius grinned. "How about I go in the Broomsticks?"

"You do and you may be the first dog eaten by a werewolf," Remus scowled. "Why do you want to leave the grounds anyway?"

"Marlene is going to be at the Broomsticks tonight," James said, earning a punch on the arm from Sirius.

"It's not like that," Sirius said, keeping his eyes on the map. "I like her. She isn't all giddy and silly like the rest."

Remus heard something in Sirius' voice he had never heard before, and thought of Tiffany. "While you are in the Broomsticks you can get me a burger. I think even the wolf could scarf down one of Rosie's burgers."

"Done," Sirius said, studying Remus' face, an unsaid understanding passing between them. "I'll change at the Broomsticks, out behind the kitchen, and meet you down by the river. I can get a salad for James and a …"

"Bullshite! I want a burger too."

"You can't," Remus said quickly. "You can't change back even for a minute, not while I am with you."

"I eat fast. I can…"

"No damn it! I told you, no." Remus hissed. "You haven't been there yet. Ask Peter, or Sirius, it can change too fast. I could get at you before you knew what was happening."

"He's right," Sirius said softly. "I can keep him back for a while, but… he's too strong. I couldn't keep him back long."

"For real?" James questioned. "You get that strong?"

"What the fuck James? You think this is a joke?" Remus spat. "Do you think they lock me up for nothing?"

"No, I guess I just…you know… a wolf and a dog the size of Sirius…."

"A werewolf , James. A werewolf. When I am like that … when I change… I can't control it… it's like… umm…"

"Like he is on an adrenalin rush," Peter offered.

"Exactly," Remus sighed. "When Padfoot and Wormtail are with the wolf he focuses on them and for some reason I can be there, sort of watching. I can't control the wolf though, I can make suggestions, like chasing the rabbits, or to follow the dog, but I can't control it when… it's hard to explain. If the wolf smells a human I can't make him do what I want, I can't even make him hear me. Then, I lose myself, and don't even know what happens."

"Okay," James agreed. "Peter can lead you out to me, and then we can head down to the river and wait for …Padfoot."

"I haven't seen your shape yet," Remus said. "Is it some sort of secret?"

Peter started laughing, unable to stop when Sirius leaned over on his hip and rubbed his bum.

"Shut up," James grinned. "I told you to stay out of my way."

"Prongs, here…"

"Shut up, Padfoot!" James frowned.

"As I was saying… Prongs, here is a stag," Sirius said with a laugh. "He thought it would be fun carrying around a rack, you know…sort of show off how good he looks. But, he can't always keep his head up and if he gets behind you…"

"Just that once." James pouted.

"You stabbed him in the arse?" Remus tried to stop his smile from turning up his lip.

"I … no, just sort of a nudge. He wouldn't get out of my way," James said in defence of himself.

"Well, just remember, no goofing off when the wolf is with you," Remus muttered as he climbed back to his feet. "If Dumbledore finds out what we are up to we won't have to worry about Riddle. The Headmaster will feed us to him."

.

.

.

The morning after the full moon, Remus was glad not to see fresh bites on his arms, and the only evidence of the foray into the woods were a few scratches on his legs from the underbrush. He laughed at James who complained about the small wounds and tried to remember his healing spells, not wanting to use the salve Remus gave him because of the acrid smell. Sirius smugly informed him it was his poor choice in the animal he had chosen. He told him that not only would his choice not help him sneak back into Hogwarts or blend into the Muggle streets , but that also he'd be more subject to injury since a stag did not have the same thick covering or fur.

They made their way down to the Great Hall for breakfast where James sat pushing his food around his plate, holding his head up and yawning widely.

"I need to go back to bed," he complained.

"Binns won't notice," Remus said knowingly. "If you want to, I'll wake you after History lesson."

"I am with him," Peter sighed. "They should only have full moons on the weekends so we can sleep longer."

"Wait until summer when you don't get to sleep at all," Remus whispered. "At least at this time of year I get a couple of hours."

"I'm too tired to eat." James threw down his fork and stood up. "Come on Wormtail, we only have an hour."

Remus watched the two walk off and saw Sirius' smirk. "They shouldn't stay with me all night. Especially Peter. "

"What do you want us to do? Leave you out someplace alone?"

"Promise you will never do that," Remus hissed with such intensity that Sirius was surprised. "Promise you will always bring me back or lock me up somewhere."

"Sure Moony."

"I mean it. I would rather be dead than …hurt someone. I worry about it all…"

"I said sure," Sirius said softly. "Do you remember all of last night?"

"Most of it," Remus leaned back frowning. "I remember we headed into town, but … then we were running back here."

"They decided to meet me behind the Broomsticks. You saw Marlene."

Remus blanched and stood quickly. "What… I mean…"

"She's fine. She got all excited, but James managed to hold you off until I could get her back inside. It was right scary."

"Fuck!" Remus ran his hand through his hair, exasperated with not only Sirius but the others as well. "That's enough. You guys stay away from now on."

"Sure," Sirius stood, laughing. "Do you think I spent all this time learning how to turn into a smelly dog just to turn tail now?"

Remus couldn't help but smirk at the 'turn tail' statement. "Yeah, well if Peter gets caught ditching History and his dad finds out… I don't think that's such a good idea."

"We need him. He can sneak in and stop the Whomping Willow."

"I know, but after that he comes back and gets to bed. He can't keep up with us anyway."

"Okay. Listen," Sirius let his eyes wander down the table to where Lily sat, "have you talked to Evans?"

"Not yet, I don't want to in front of everyone."

"She's alone now." Sirius started for the doors. "See you in class."

Remus sat down and waited for Lily to start to the door and then fell into step beside her, as if he happened to be walking to class at the same time. They chatted easily until they were far enough away from the Great Hall that Remus knew they could not be overheard. He grabbed her elbow and pulled her to the side of the hallway, where he stammered out his apology for the previous week, and admitted his failure to step in and stop what he knew was turning into a bad situation.

"I told him I never wanted to talk to him again," she said flatly.

"I know," Remus grinned, "the whole school heard you."

"I don't, really."

"Are you convincing me or yourself?" Remus laughed. "It's okay. Lily, I want you to understand something else. About … the guys."

"They are pigs."

"Yeah, but nice pigs." He chuckled and stepped back so they could begin walking again. "Black is at odds with his family. You know, about this whole Riddle thing, and Peter…Peter may have to leave school if it gets worse."

"Black? Everyone thinks he is…well you know…his family supports Riddle. Even Severus said that."

"Sirius doesn't," Remus said with a scowl. "And the Potters don't either, Lily. James may be …listen, he doesn't like Snape, that's not a secret. But, you have to understand that it's who Snape runs around with. It's more than the whole Slytherin thing. It's what is happening around here and the fact that he thinks Snape is siding with the Malfoys."

"It's not just Slytherin," Lily said quietly. "Becky, she is in her seventh year, and she says her family wants her to marry into the Goyle family because of their political views."

"At least being a … Muggle born…you don't have to worry about family loyalty. It has to make it easier."

"What makes it easier is seeing the list of names of all of those that have lost their lives so far. There are more Muggles and Muggle born than any other group."

"That's because in this world it is too easy to hide things," Remus said flatly, as he pulled open the door and waited for her to step into the classroom ahead of him.

"Oh," she whispered and turned back to him. "I am going with some of the girls into town to see an old movie. It's at the same cinema that I know you and Black go to. Want to join us?"

"If I can bring the guys."

Lily bit her lip thoughtfully, and then finally nodded. "Just tell Potter to shut up."

"What is showing?" Remus laughed.

"They are showing two this Saturday. A Werewolf in London and The Wolf Man."


	37. Homesick

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 37**

**Homesick**

* * *

Remus sat sipping his fizzy drink listening to the others discuss the movies with some amusement. It was obvious that whoever had written the screenplay had some knowledge of their world, but not enough to portray his affliction accurately. He had found himself laughing at the image of a werewolf that looked so much like a man, with his transformation seeming to be only growing hair and fangs.

James had managed to sit between Remus and Lily in the cinema, and although Potter had restrained himself before and during the movie, now that they were in a conversation, Remus found himself kicking James under the table to shut him up. The girls did not seem to catch the inferred jokes, only Lily looked at him oddly as if faintly understanding that his comments about the movie had been directed at Remus.

"They should have a cure for it," Lily said, edging further away from James. "In the movie, even the Muggles were looking for plants that could be used in a medicine."

"There are some," Remus offered. "Problem is that they aren't safe. My dad knew someone that works at the University, a Muggle doctor, or… a squib, he said I could go there later to study if I wanted. Anyway, he talked about some of the things that were being researched."

"You would do that? Leave here to study at the Uni?" Becky asked.

"No, I thought I might at one time, but not now."

"I have to do well in my O.W.L.s," Lily sighed. "According to Slugs until this thing with Riddle…Voldemort… is over it could be hard for us to find work."

"Us?" Peter asked, looking up from his pop.

"Not you, the Muggle born."

"Why would that matter?" James laughed. "As long as you can do the job you will be hired, it has never been an issue before."

"Because the pure-blood shop owners are being told not to hire the Muggle borns," Remus said softly.

"My father was laughing that he just put a restriction on the flats he owns in Diagon," Sirius added. "No Muggle born or squibs allowed. He thinks he can help force them out by not offering them housing. If he gets the rest of the owners to go along with him it could be a problem."

"Has he joined Voldemort?" Lily asked.

"He won't actually join. He wants to make sure Riddle will win first, but he supports him and wants me and my brother to join up."

"What do you plan on doing?"

"He is going to come live with me," James said with a frown at Sirius.

"Not now," Sirius muttered uncomfortably, jerking his head towards Becky. "We should be getting back. Becky, I'll take you and…"

"I can apparate on my own. Anyway, I bought Lily, I can take her back," she said defensively. "I think I am the only one here with a licence."

"It is late and we need to go directly to Hogwarts," Remus explained. "You needed two transfer points to get here. We can do side-a-longs and get you there in one."

"I'll take you, Lily," James grinned.

"Yeah, he is the strongest at long distances," Peter said, giving Remus a kick under the table.

"I… I guess," she stammered. "Sure. Just as long as we go directly and you watch your mouth. I have to study tonight."

"I'll meet you there," Becky scowled.

"No, you go with Sirius or with me or Peter. I won't have you going by yourself," Remus said standing up and frowning at her, "it's not safe."

"No one will bother _me," _she said arrogantly.

"Let her go," Sirius said with a sneer. "I thought your family was familiar, now I know why. They are with him, aren't they?"

"Don't start Black," Becky said flatly. "You know he's not against people like Lily, it's about returning our world to what it should be."

"You can't believe that," Remus said incredulously.

Peter shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, tugging at James' shirt. He whispered into Potter's ear then nervously hurried out the door. Black glared at Becky and quickly followed. He knew that Peter was worried that Becky may talk to her family about today and his association with Pettigrew. If Becky's family was loyal to Riddle, they were sure to know Peter's father.

"James, take Lily," Remus said evenly, then waited until the two of them left before turning back to Becky. "You are wrong. You need to open your eyes and see what is happening. I am the wrong person to talk to about blood purity and unworthy Muggles. If you think that Lily will be accepted by your family or your…Lord…you are sadly mistaken."

"I will be sure to ask my father about you," she said with a smile.

"Don't bother. Let me tell you," he said, putting his palms on the table and leaning close to her. "I am a Mudblood. My home has already been attacked once, and … a Muggle I was close to was murdered because she knew me. Now, get yourself back to Hogwarts. You sicken me."

He turned on his heel and strode out to the pavement, intending to find a place to apparate from, but instead found himself walking through the streets and getting lost in the sights and scents of the city. For a while he could forget who and what he was and pretend that he was part of this world, this wonderful lighted world with cinemas and honking horns, and electricity that make mundane things take on a life of their own. He stopped at each window he passed and looked at the displays of items for sale, wondering what it would be like to own these things and be able to use them whenever he wanted. He thought of his mother who used magic only when so tired that she was unable to finish her work and thought he understood at last how the physical work of doing things the Muggle way could be more rewarding than the mere flick of a wand.

Suddenly homesick, he ran, looking for a secluded place to leave from, needing to get home, needing to hear his mother's voice and walk the farm, needing to know all was still safe.

.

.

.

"Remus?" Rhea hurried to engulf him in her arms as he opened the door and stepped into the house. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to see you," he choked.

"Something is wrong or you wouldn't be here. You know you …."

"Mum? Is Dad home?"

"He is down at the barn. Lucinda is calving. With any luck she'll have a heifer," Rhea said with a grin. "Go, I am sure he would like to see you."

"Mum, are…is everything okay here?"

"Remus, what is wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…things are changing…things are…I don't know…I just needed come home."

"Go see John, he misses you. He wouldn't say it aloud, but he likes it when you are home."

"Thanks, Mum," he said softly, glad she did not insist he sit and talk to her.

"Go," she sighed and waved him off to the door, "tea will be ready in a few minutes. Make sure he gets up here while it is still hot."

Remus leaned down and kissed her cheek before turning and running to the barn. "Dad?"

"Remus? Whatever…. Is anything wrong?"

"I show up for a visit and everyone thinks something is wrong," Remus joked. "I do have whole days I don't get in trouble you know."

"Not during school," John scowled. "Now talk to me."

Remus joined John in the stall and squatted down next to Lucinda, stroking her side and frowning. "Why is she down?"

"I don't know," John said sheepishly. "I know less about birthing calves than I do about those cinemas you sneak off to."

"How do you do that?" Remus cocked his eyebrow at him. "I've been here for less then three minutes and you already know what I've been doing."

"You are still Apparating without a licence. What? You think I don't know where you go off to?"

"What about Lucinda?" Remus grinned to hear the gentle chiding and not a hint of reprimand in John's tone.

"Spencer said someone is heading over. He has hired help over at his place."

"Spencer… I don't think I have heard that name."

"New family, she is a Muggle, moved up here from Southampton. Thought it would be safer up here."

"Mum has tea ready. She wants me to make sure you don't forget." Remus stood and studied John's face. "Dad? I need to learn some wandless magic."

"Wandless? Not many can do that. I don't know if I can help you, and right now I have to take care of this." He nodded towards the cow that lay in the stall. "We may lose her."

"I am worried about waking up after a full moon and being caught without my wand."

"Sort of with your pants down?"

Remus sniggered, "You could say that."

"I can see if I can find some information on it. All I know is that it takes years and …" John raked his hand through his hair and sighed. "I guess if anyone could do it you could. I didn't think someone your age could have learned to toss a full Patronus yet you learned it in one summer."

"I could get something from the library at Hogwarts, but I don't want everyone to know what I am doing. In order to get a book on it I would have to get permission and I ….I would rather not."

"I tried myself. Never did get it right. Okay, listen … I was told to start with things you do every day. Pick a spell you do without thinking about…"

"Like a Lumos or Nox?" Remus asked.

"Exactly, don't go trying to transfigure something right off, and pretend you are using a wand. Make the movements with your hand, visualize your wand. Then, move on to other things." John put his arm around Remus' shoulders and started back to the house with him. "Ask Moody next time you see him. I don't know if he uses wandless, but if anyone can get you a restricted book it will be him."

"Thanks."

"One more thing," John said with a snort. "When the hell did you get as tall as me?"

.

.

.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Sirius greeted Remus from where he lay on his bed.

"I went home for a couple of hours," Remus said with a shrug, throwing his jumper on the foot of his bed.

"Did you bring any of your Mum's biscuits?" Peter looked up hopefully, grinning when Remus tossed him a sack. "Your Mum is really nice. She always bakes the best."

"You stink," Potter stated flatly.

"One of the cows was calving. I was down in the barn," Remus explained as he lowered his head and sniffed his shirt. "Yeah, guess I should clean up."

"They posted the schedule for our O.W.L.s," Sirius said.

"How is your studying coming?" Remus asked, looking at Peter.

"Okay, I guess," Peter sighed. "Lily says to just memorise things, not even try to understand them. She says I can pass at least half of the questions that way, and about twenty-five percent if I can remember the potions from class."

"McGonagall will just have him transfigure things and do a few spells," Potter said knowingly. "His only problem with that will be his nerves."

"Will not," Peter said defensively.

"Just don't toss up your breakfast. You know how you get," Remus laughed. "What about runes? Did you finish the study guide I gave you?"

"I can't seem to get it right."

"We will spend this weekend on it. You don't need an outstanding, just pass the damned thing."

"Easy for you to say," Peter pouted. "My dad'll kill me it I don't do good."

"Yeah, well think of it this way. If you don't pass you will be wiping Voldemort's arse," Black spat. "Voldemort! He doesn't even go by his own name! Lord Voldemort! What a bloody tosser. A Mudblood parading around as if he were royalty."

"Watch it," Remus warned.

"What! Because I called him a Mudblood?"

"I don't like that word," Remus scowled. "You do know my father was a …"

"Shite, I didn't mean it that way. I only meant…bloody hell…I don't know what I meant. Sorry. You know I don't see you that way."

"I know, but people hear that and think you are with Riddle, or that … you know, being a Black and all they will put you in the same boat as the rest of your family."

"There was an attack today, down at Godric's," Potter said.

"How bad?" Remus questioned.

"Not to bad, but they said the Aurors were swarming around giving out memory spells like candy. Riddle didn't even hide it from the Muggles down there."

"That's what doesn't make sense," Peter muttered. "Why would they risk that?"

"Because the Muggles will be next. You don't worry about witnesses if you plan on killing them too," Sirius spat.

"Did Becky make it back?" Remus asked, suddenly feeling guilty over leaving her alone on a day things had flared up.

"Yeah, she said you acted like a wanker," James laughed. "So, what did you say to her?"

"Nothing," Remus said , then brightened as he decided to head to the prefect's bath. "Anyone want to go for a swim?"

"Not me," Peter said, adamantly shaking his head. "Last time we went with you Myrtle wouldn't leave me alone."

"Ah, she thought you were cute," James laughed. "It was you that kept getting out of the tub and walking around naked just to see what she would do."

"Yeah," Sirius scrambled off the bed, "she thought your itsy bitsy rod was cute."

"I'll give her cute," Peter groused.

"How?" Remus and Potter said at the same time.

"Yeah, what ya going to do? Wank off and let her watch?" Sirius joked.

"It's as close as she will ever get," Peter muttered. "I think I'd better stay here and go over the books again. Binns' exam is first thing tomorrow morning. Lily says it should be the easiest because it will be all dates and names. She says no one expects us to understand why the goblins had wars, just when they happened."

"Do you need help?" Potter queried, already sliding off his bed to join Remus, knowing the Peter would refuse his help.

"Nah, you go on. I think I got most of the list she gave me memorised, I just need to make sure."

.

.

The next day Remus sat in the hallway with Sirius and James waiting for Peter to finish the exam and join them. The longer they waited the more Sirius fidgeted and talked nervously.

"What is taking him so long?" Potter said for what must have been the tenth time.

"You know how he is," Remus sighed, "He'll keep going over his answers until they kick him out."

"We told him not to." Sirius stood up and began to pace. "Fuck, you know if he doesn't do well on this one he will never pass potions and the rest. He gets so nervous he can't sit still."

"He doesn't need to pass potions, he just…" Remus began.

"Maybe not for here, but he does if his father is going to let him stay," Sirius spat. "I wish this whole thing was done with. It's not fair that we are getting dragged into it and Peter doesn't seem to get it. All he wants is to make his father happy."

"No one is dragging you," Potter smirked.

"No? Maybe I need to take you home for the summer. Let you get to know my old man." Sirius spun around as the classroom door opened and Peter walked out.

"I think I did it!" Peter grinned. "Wait until I tell my dad it was simple! I bet he didn't think I could do it!"

"Way to go," Sirius slapped him on the back, congratulating him.

"I bet he let's me stay," Peter said in a rush. "I know I can do good in transfiguration and potions, if I don't need an outstanding. Dad just said I had to pass."

"Maybe you won't have to take the advanced potions," Remus said hopefully.

"Yeah, well…my dad…I think he wants me to," Peter said happily. "He's going to be pleased I think. Last summer all he did was rag on me, but he said if I passed my exams, I could stay with him the whole summer and not have to go to Gran's place. I'm going to send him an owl."

They watched as Peter started down the hall at a full run, excited to share the news with his family. Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and started after him, the others solemnly falling in step.

"He is a mystery," Sirius muttered.

"He's daft," Potter shrugged.

"One minute he wants to stay in school to keep away from his dad and then he runs off wanting to brag that he did well and spend the summer with the bastard," Sirius quipped.

"Do you think he will stay with his father the whole summer? If he does we won't see him," Remus added.

"I don't know," Sirius said. "He never has before. I think this is the first time his dad has wanted him."

They walked in silence, Remus thinking about Peter, and wondering what it would be like to have a father whose love was conditional. He thought of Anthony, and of John, and of Sirius's father who like Peter's had put restrictions on their lives, thankful that he did not know what the other boys felt. Glancing at Potter, he frowned.

"James, does your dad tell you what side to take in this thing with Riddle?"

"Nah, he talks about it with my mum, but he makes me leave the room first."

Remus shoved his hands in his pockets and kept his eyes to the ground. He wondered what Peter's conversations with his father must sound like. Imagining that Peter would only sit and listen, and not express his own thoughts he worried how the summer would effect him, and hoped that Peter would have the strength to stand up for himself. Remembering the night Peter had come to the barn and kept him company during a full moon, he couldn't help but grin, thinking that no matter what Peter told his father, his secret was safe.


	38. The Last Summer of Youth

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 38**

**The Last Summer of Youth**

**

* * *

  
**

The end of term came too quickly. The boys had packed their trunks and stowed their books in rucksacks, not talking about what was on their minds and trying to ignore the news they had read in the paper only an hour before. Sirius had thrown the Prophet on the table, after reading only half the front page, strode out of the dining hall and had not looked back when Potter had called out after him.

Remus had sat and clenched his teeth, unable to talk as he'd reread the article slowly, paying attention to the names of the Aurors that had lost their lives and imagining what it would feel like to have read Dawlish's name. He knew his mother would be in tears this morning and that John would be doing his best to convince her that he was safe, that his partners were trustworthy and would not give him up.

"Says someone tipped Rid…Volde…He-Who-Must-…shite, what the hell are we supposed to call him now?" Potter spat in disgust.

"The Great Fucker," Remus snorted.

"Dad says _Lord Voldemort_ or Dark_ Lord_. He says Lord Voldemort has some sort of spell that can trace who is talking about him," Peter said proud that he knew the answer.

"Then we won't say his name," Remus muttered. "Not many do anymore. It's almost a code for who is with him."

"We should start a movement," Potter grinned. "Everyone should say _Voldemort_ at least a dozen times an hour, would drive the crazy loon nutters."

"Yeah, great idea," Remus said sarcastically. "Remind me not to let you plan any of our little outings. You will get us all killed."

"Hey, come on, Moony," Potter said softly. "I was joking."

"I am sick of your joking," Remus swung his legs over the bench and stood. "When are you going to grow up, Potter? You have the most to lose. Have you ever thought of that? Have you ever just once thought that you are the only one untouched by this thing?"

James and Peter sat and watched as Remus left the way Sirius had done, neither one understanding what had just happened. They finished their breakfast in silence until Peter quietly laid down his fork and turned to watch James.

"Do you think the paper has it right? I mean, I know lots of families that think Lord Voldemort is just protecting himself. Dad said last week that they were just having a meeting when the Aurors showed up and started things."

James hunched over the table, unable to meet Peter's eyes. "You don't believe that. Do you?"

"I don't know what to believe any more," Peter said sadly.

"You believed it the time Remus' mum got us out of the orchard. Remember? When they attacked his place?"

"Dad says they heard Greyback was hanging around and they…"

"What?" James turned to him angrily. "What did you say to…?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all. You know better than that, but…you have to admit if Greyback was hanging around anyplace it would be near someplace like the Lupin farm."

"Why? Because of Remus?"

"Well…no, but … sort of. The Lupins are there because it is so far out. Greyback would like that, you know…when he changes he has to hide too."

"They attacked during the day not during a full moon."

"That's what _I_ said. I asked them why they were after Greyback anyway; after all he is with them now, so Voldemort couldn't have …"

"What do you mean he is with them?" James voice fell to a whisper.

"Yeah, Dad said all the werewolves were siding with the Dark Lord, and that they wanted to get the rest of the non-humans to…only, I don't think he was when they attacked the farm. Do you think he lied to me? On purpose?"

"Like what? You said non-humans."

"You know… the werewolves, vampires, things like that. He wants to get the giants too."

James frowned and looked up to the head table, looking for Dumbledore. "Listen, Wormtail. I have something to do. Bring my stuff down to the train. I'll meet you there."

Waiting until Peter had left the Great Hall; James went to the head table and whispered in Dumbledore's ear, telling him with some urgency that they needed to talk.

For the first time the boys did not ride the train back to London together, although Remus had left on his own before, the other three had always grabbed a compartment to themselves. Remus Apparated to the farm in full view of the Professors, not caring who saw him, while Peter ran off to meet his father in Hogsmeade, proud to be riding home on booms. Sirius waited until the train began to move before hopping onto it, hoping that James would come rushing down the platform at the last moment, disappointed and confused when he did not.

Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet on the trip home, sitting with others in his year, not taking part in the friendly banter, and the not too friendly teasing. Sneering at the comments from the students of other houses, he refused to take up the cause of which house was the best, preferring to stare out the window at the plains of Scotland, watching as they gave way to the pastures and small towns of England. Even Snape and Mulciber seemed to notice his foul mood, and after their first barbs were not returned, left him alone to stare out the window.

He did not know what this summer would bring, but he knew that in just a couple of short months he would have to make a choice. It was a choice that would determine his life from that point on.

.

.

.

The next morning Remus sat at his kitchen table, resting his head in his hands, bemoaning the fact that it was still dark outside and yet his parents expected him to be up and helping John with the chores an hour ago. Rhea slid a cup of tea and a plate of eggs and sausage in front of him before joining him at the table.

"Turning into a real city boy, are you?"

"I'm just not used to it," Remus sighed and reached for his tea. "It gets harder every year."

"Staying up late?"

"No," he said, looking up at her from under his brows. "I don't have a girlfriend if that is what you are asking."

"It was." Rhea reached over and ruffled his hair. "Would that be such a bad thing?"

"For who? Me or her?"

"You know what I meant."

"And you know what I mean," he said gruffly. "Mum, was Dad at the raid? The one in the paper yesterday?

"Yes, but he doesn't want to talk about it. You know how he is."

"Right," Remus sighed. "Does he know who gave them up?"

"No, not yet."

"It can happen again," he said meaningfully.

"The Ministry is trying to rotate partners more often, making it harder for one person to…"

"But not impossible."

"No…not impossible. Listen, Remus, I worry. I worry all the time about him, but he won't quit and I won't ask him to. This is who he is."

"What if it's him next time?"

Rhea studied his face then shook her head. "Then we will have to start over. In the mean time, you should get the barn ready for Monday. That gives you three days."

"Right," Remus said as he turned to look at the calendar next to the sink, seeing the date circled in a red marker. "The guys won't be here. You know about them? What we do?"

"I think so," Rhea sighed. "I know it's not right, but if they keep you safe, and if they keep themselves and others safe I guess it's all right. Merlin, no it's not right! But what are we to do?"

"When they are with me I can ignore humans…for the most part. There have been a couple of times they had to jump in, but not bad."

"Have you given anymore thought to what your dad …?"

"No," Remus spat as he stood up. "I am not going to change my mind. I am staying. At least until this thing is over. When it is maybe I will see what else is out there, but for now I stay."

Rhea watched him walk out of the door and heard it slam behind him, sounding like the door at the old house. _Needs a spring_, she thought, and felt suddenly cold at the memory of the door sounding so much like the retort of John's old hunting gun.

"Strange," she mused aloud, unable to remember where she had put the firearm, only now feeling the need to keep it close.

After inspecting the barn, Remus had felt uneasy that he could no longer trust himself not to escape his restraints. His strength had doubled since only a year ago, and he knew that without Prongs to chase after and Wormtail to grab his attention, his mind would once again slip into the wolf's. Knowing the cost of open iron bars and a gate was beyond their means, he laboured to build a small room into the corner of the barn, secured with a heavy door that could only be opened from the outside.

Remus spent most of the summer mending fences and ripping out the woodbox from the kitchen wall. He had spoken to John about the unsecured opening, wondering aloud why it would not hold a ward. Rhea complained that she would now have to haul in wood from the yard, but Remus assured her he would put a stockpile in the cellar, and if needed, he would return during term to refill it.

When not working he would walk down to the river and sit on the bank, where he and John had shared many hours in the past, or where he'd got lost in books of far away places and lands that he thought never to see. On one occasion, John joined him to practice using wandless magic, John unable to perfect the simplest spell and Remus learning to levitate light articles and move them short distances.

"You shouldn't spend all your time working," John said, lifting his hand in an attempt to raise Remus' book.

"I have to learn this." Remus lifted his own arm and flicked his wrist, rotating his hand to a semi palm-up position, watching the book slowly move up.

"You have a lifetime to learn this. What about your friends?" John smirked, and tried to hide his frustration at not being able to do the spell Remus was perfecting.

"I can't very well contact Sirius or Peter, and Potter…" Remus bent down to pick up his book, letting his voice trail off. "I may go into the city. Haven't been there for a while. May catch a show down at the cinema."

"No, I don't think that is a good idea right now. Maybe in a few months."

Remus stood and studied John. "Something is happening."

"So you had a falling out with Potter?"

"Not really."

"I think it is time we had Moody over for tea. What do you say we tell your Mum?"

Remus shoved the book under his arm and shrugged his shoulders, not meeting John's eyes. Turning to walk back to the house, he ignored his stepfather's repeated attempts to call him back until he rounded the bend in the path and was no longer visible. No longer feeling John watching him he stepped into his Apparation and spun out.

He had not been to London alone for a long time. Walking along the familiar streets he stopped, longing to go into the shop Tiffany had worked at, wanting to see her standing at the counter in her pink uniform. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he kept moving, keeping his head down, and watching the pavement as he went. Lost in thought he did not even notice the shorter strides that fell into step with his own.

"Hey, Remus," Peter said, bringing him back to reality.

"Merlin, Wormtail, how…how the bloody hell did you find me?"

"Moody. He put out a tracking spell, right brilliant that one. Listen, you got to get out of here. You got to get home."

"Why?"

"Your Mum, she sent me, figured you would be here or up at Godric's. It's Sirius, he left home. His dad is furious and threatening to … well… I'm not sure what, but he said something about anyone that helped him would be at the pointed end of his wand."

"Where is he?" Remus stopped in the middle of the pavement and glared at Peter.

"At the Potter's house, but if you tell anyone they will have his arse. I went there first, and then headed over to see you. If Sirius' dad shows up and you are gone, he may think you are hiding him and Moody said his tracking spell isn't a secret, anyone worth a damn would know it. "

"The Potter's aren't…"

"They are working on it. The Potters have another house somewhere, untraceable, a safe house. Come on, we need to get going. I don't like standing here with my arse hanging out."

Remus looked around, then grabbed Peter's arm, pulling him into an alleyway before he let him go. "Go home, Peter. We don't need to be seen together."

Peter nodded nervously, looking back over his shoulder to the pavement. "I'll try to keep in touch. Saturday is the moon, should I wait until Monday?"

"No, I want to know. I don't care what time it is. You can talk to John if it is late on Saturday, now go." He waited until Peter's crack of apparation had died down before leaving himself.

His feet hit the ground unevenly, sending him to the ground in a heap, rolling down a sharp incline, and coming to rest against a stone wall, a loud crack filling his ears.

"Fuck," he muttered, arching his back and wincing as a sharp pain radiated down his spine. He struggled to reach into his waistband for his wand, only to discover he could not lift his right arm. Crossing his left arm over to his right hip, he pulled out his wand and thought what to do.

He did not know if Andromeda lived in the Muggle or the Wizarding world. Cursing himself for Apparating to a place he had only flooed to in the past, he grasped his right arm with his left, rocked on his knees and finally threw himself up to a standing position, cautiously peeking over the wall to spy on the Tonk's yard.

"Who you?" A small brown haired girl stood looking back at him.

"Umm, is your Mum home?"

"No." She cocked her head to the side, and narrowed her eyes. "You mum home?"

"Yeah," he snorted. "I think she is."

"Think she is." Brown curls bounced as she spoke and nodded her head.

"Go get your dad," Remus demanded, hugging his arm closer to his body.

"Get your dad." She pouted.

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda scowled as she walked out of the screen door, letting it slam behind her. "Remus? My goodness, you are the last person I would have thought to see just now."

"Mrs. Tonks, I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"Of course," she exclaimed, walking to the gate and holding it open. "Don't mind little Miss Mimic, she repeats everything she hears. What happened to your arm?"

"Fell, think something is broken." He entered the yard and followed her to the back door. "Can't lift it."

"Sit," Andromeda pointed to a kitchen chair and glanced out the window to check on Nymphadora before turning to help Remus with a healing charm. "I can set it right, but you have your mother take you up to St. Mungo's after you floo home. No more Apparating."

"Thanks," Remus muttered. "I came to find out about Sirius."

"I couldn't take him," she said sadly, sitting opposite him and reaching over the table to put her hand over his. "Gods, how I want to, but I can't risk it. I just can't. We don't have anywhere to hide him and if his father decides to cause trouble it could…I have the baby, and Ted is a good man, a good…I can't ask him to protect us."

"Is Sirius' dad really that bad? I mean…I know he is upset, I spoke to Peter, but to…they …the Potters, according to Peter they are going into hiding."

"I don't know, I really don't. I haven't seen anyone in the family, well…other than Sirius, and no one, and I mean no one, can know that. I _can_ tell you that if anything were to happen it wouldn't be by his hand. He would hire someone to do his dirty work, that or…" she suddenly stopped talking and frowned at him, "Remus, how much of this…this war…do you really understand?"

"Enough."

"Are you sure? Are you certain you kids grasp what is happening, not just what is in the paper or what they teach you at Hogwarts? Remus, I don't know if you can understand…"

"Yeah, well… yeah, I know. This girl, she was…she was killed just because she was a Muggle and…"

"I know," she sighed. "He-who-must-not-be-named is gathering forces. There are lots of rumours out there. One being that he is giving free reign to whoever will stand with him. Remus, there are a lot of dark wizards in the world. Evil, corrupt, vile creatures, wizards and other…things, that are not fit to walk this earth. He not only encourages them, but also rewards them for doing his bidding. There are others, the Malfoys, Wilkes, Yaxleys, and even the Blacks that think, truly think, that they are standing up for our world. They have fallen into a certain mindset and cannot be dissuaded from it. They have almost made a religion of it, and proclaimed Rid… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named their prophet."

"What I don't understand is some of the people that don't see him for what he is. There was a kid at school, he was in a higher year, but he talked about…him…all the time. About how things would change. He still comes around sometimes and picks up some of the guys for the weekend. Snape and Mulciber mainly, a few others now and then, but mostly those two." Remus swallowed hard, trying to ignore her comment about vile creatures not fit to walk the earth.

"The Headmaster lets them go?"

"He must. Lately there have been more things to do on weekends. It makes some want to stay behind, but…they still go."

"I don't know those two, but I would guess that they don't have much of a home life. That they are sort of alone in the world and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is taking advantage of it, using them."

"Do you know Malfoy? Lucius Malfoy?"

"I knew his father. Arrogant bast…arrogant man," she stammered. "Sounds like the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You stay away from him, and that Mulciber and Snape as well."

"Don't worry about that," Remus snorted. "Potter has a thing for a girl that Snape seems to like. At least it looks that way. She is the only girl outside of his house that he talks with; at least they used to talk. Anyway, we don't exactly see eye to eye. Mulciber is odd. He has a way that makes my skin crawl."

"Trust that feeing, if he is with the Malfoy family Rid… that bastard is not far behind. Now, how is that arm feeling?"

"Better," Remus chuckled. "Forgot about it."

"You'd best be off before Ted comes home. He often drags Moody in for tea, and I have to round up Nymphadora." Andromeda stood and started to the back door, then stopped and turned around to study him. "Remus, if you do see him before term starts, tell him… tell him we are sorry."

Remus watched until she had picked up the little girl and swung her casually to her hip, before he went to the sitting room to use the floo. He could still hear her voice as she spoke of the vile creatures, still see the disgust on her face, and knew, knew that he was what she was speaking of.


	39. Stirrings

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 39**

**Stirrings**

**

* * *

  
**

That year the cool breeze from the North Sea stalled, leaving the land dry and sweltering under the summer sun. Remus would rise with John and haul water from the creek for the livestock. Last winter's snow pack had been light, too light for the well, fed by an underground stream that started high in the mountains, to do more than supply the kitchen. Rhea took to going for a swim in the evenings, preferring not to use the water to bathe, leaving what little they did have for her husband's shower before he headed off to work.

"Lucinda's milk is off," Rhea said as they walked into the barn after filling the watering trough. "Got less than a quart."

"It's the feed." John slapped the cow on the flank and guided her out of the door. "I've already sent a missive to Spencer. He put up some feed last year, might do better on it than what I have."

"The calf is doing okay," Remus said, wiping the sweat off his face with his bare arm then pulling his tee off over his head. "Merlin, it's already too hot to do anything."

"I don't envy you tonight…" John started and then looked at Remus sadly. "I didn't mean anything, you know that."

"Yeah, don't worry about it. Maybe I will pass out from the heat and have an easy time of it this time."

"Remus! He apologised!"

"I know, sorry, Dad, it's the heat that's all." He walked to the cell in the back corner and opened the door, seeing that his mother already had it ready. "Thanks. Listen, Peter may stop by tonight. I told him it was okay."

"What about Sirius?"

"Yeah, I told him even if it was late to come over."

"Dad is going to make a couple of slots. I thought if we put one at the bottom I could slide in fresh water, and one at the top may let some of the hotter air out."

"Maybe I will just take a run into town. You know, find a shop with that Muggle air conditioning, scare everyone out and spend the night."

"Funny." John intoned.

"Hello?" A girl's voice called from outside the barn. "Mr. Dawlish?"

"In here," he called back, jerking his head to Remus, signalling him to shut the door to the cell and sniggered as he hurriedly pulled his damp tee back over his head.

"I knocked on the door but no one is…oh, hi. Guess you are all out here."

Remus shut the door and turned back to see who had joined them. He felt his breath hitch and coughed into his hand to cover the strangled sound that escaped him. She was taller then Rhea, thin, but with an athletic look to her, muscular and firm. Remus had a hard time not staring at her legs, legs that started at her sandaled feet and rose in graceful curves up to an indecent height, ending at the frayed edges of too short Muggle style cut offs. His eyes continued up, taking in her cropped top, exposing a sliver of skin just above her waistband. Jerking his head up to her face, he turned red seeing her knowing smirk.

"You must be Remus."

"I'm sorry," Rhea stood up from her seat on the milking stool. "I forgot that you two haven't met. This is my son Remus, Remus Lupin, from my first marriage. Remus, this is Mr. Spencer's niece Lucille. She is spending the month with him."

"Lucy, please. No one calls me Lucille. My uncle sent me over with the wagon. He said he can spare a few weeks worth of feed and if you can help put a new roof on the barn he will call it even."

"You tell him I will help with the roof, but I plan on paying him back."

"You argue with him," she laughed. "If you pay him back he will just pay you for fixing the roof and you will be right back to square one."

"Join us for breakfast? You couldn't have eaten yet, not at this hour," Rhea said, sliding her arm under Lucy's arm and leading her to the house. "Leave them to empty the wagon, you can help me in the kitchen."

Remus stepped out of the barn behind them, watching as they walked away, enjoying the view.

"Quite the looker," John said, coming up behind him.

"You can say that again," Remus grinned. "Merlin, where did old man Spencer get her? She can't look like anyone in his family."

"She's his brother's kid. Raised in Germany, goes to school in France. Her father died last year, she and her mother are here visiting. Bet she would like to do something. Maybe go to the cinema?"

Remus ran his hand through his hair, suddenly aware of what he must look like. "That's not a good idea. You know what could happen."

"She is a witch, son, not a Muggle, and you could use the floo as far as Diagon, or just take her into town. I am sure she would like to get off the farm for a day."

"I have a lot to do." Remus turned back to the barn.

"A night out would do you good."

"Yeah, maybe tonight would be a good time for her to see the real me."

"You have been in a foul mood all summer, boy," John sighed. "Best clean up. Company for breakfast and your mum will have your hide if you show up like that."

"I need to haul one more load of water," Remus grumbled, grabbing the buckets and heading back to the stream.

At Rhea's urging, Lucy found Remus, still at the stream, after the morning meal. She picked her way through the underbrush and peeked out to see him lying shirtless on the bank, one arm thrown over his eyes and the other across his stomach.

"My, is that how you fetch water?" she laughed, stepping out into the sun.

"Yeah," he muttered, sitting up and reaching for his shirt.

"Don't bother," she chided. "It is too fucking hot. If I could go shirtless I would."

He grinned and glanced sideways at her. "That would be something I would like to see."

"Boys have it better you know." She plopped down next to him, pulled of her sandals and laid down on her back, looking up at him. "You can take your shirt off, go skinny dipping, spit on the pavement and fart. People think it is funny. If a girl does it she is cheap and gross."

"See your point." He lay down next to her with a chuckle. "Girls don't have to get sweaty hauling water and feeding the stock. That and they don't have to …"

"Get up while it is still dark to load a wagon full of feed? Don't give me that crap."

"Sorry."

"I'll have you know I loaded that wagon myself. Without magic," she informed him smugly.

"Bags weigh…over twenty five kilos."

"Twenty seven and a half. I weighed them."

"Show off."

She sat up, ripped a handful of dried grass up and threw it at his chest. "You swim here?"

"Sometimes." He looked at her oddly.

"You have your wand?"

"Yeah."

"Good. You can dry me off when I am done." She jumped up laughing and ran into the stream. "Come on. I am sure you can transfigure a pair of shorts or something. I'll hide my eyes."

Remus pressed his lips together, annoyed that she made it sound like a challenge, and then relented as she turned her back to him. Waving his hand over the tops of his jeans, he transfigured a passable pair of swim trunks and joined her in the stream. Sinking down on his knees, he let the water cover his shoulders.

"Where did you get that scar?" she asked innocently.

"It was a long time ago." He feigned interest in the field on the opposite bank. "Water level is usually a good bit higher."

"Looks like a bite mark. I have one on my thigh." She sunk down in the water with him, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Only mine healed better. Not like this at all. It looks like…" She let her hand drop and turned away from him. "Beat you to the other side."

"I'd better be going," Remus said, standing up and heading back to the shore. "I have work to do."

"Remus?" She called to him standing up and following him. "It doesn't matter."

He spun to study her face, not expecting to see concern and acceptance. "What? I … I told you I have to… I need to get back."

"My uncle says your stepdad is the worse farmer he has ever seen. He can't understand why he and your mum stick it out here."

"My father…he … he farmed south of here. Mum got this place after he died."

"To hide you in?" She walked up to him and searched his face. "It's okay. Really, it is."

"You're crazy," he spat, turning away from her.

"Okay, so I am crazy. Fine, but you promised to dry me off."

He pulled his wand from his waistband and turned back, levelling it at her, unable to utter the incantation when he saw her tee clinging to her, her nipples pushing against the material, erect and firm.

"Umm, Remus? The drying spell?" She looked down at her chest before pulling the fabric away from her body, turning red as she did so. "Okay, so you go shirtless…I go braless when it is this hot."

"Where is your scar?"

She turned around and twisted to show him the back of her left leg. "Bled like hell. Old man Whitaker's dog got me."

"I thought you were lying." He lowered the wand as his eyes found hers. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, just dry me off."

He did as she asked then dried himself and transfigured his trunks back to a pair of jeans. "This was a bad idea."

"The swim or my being here?"

"Both."

"I won't tell anyone, if that is what you are worried about. Do you think I am stupid? Do you think I would do something like that?"

"I don't know you. How can I be sure that you won't run back to your uncle's farm and yell wolf? That is my family up there. If this gets out they … how can I trust you?"

"You can't. You will have to take it on faith," she shrugged and scooped up her sandals. "You know what gave it away? You never asked why I weighed the sacks. You never even questioned why I didn't use magic."

"What does that have to do with it?"

"You don't care that I'm a squib."

"I never…I didn't think…I…"

"I know. All the wizards I know would have said something right off," she shrugged and started up the path again. "So, you keep my secret and I will keep yours."

"How do you keep that a secret?" Remus ran after her, falling in step with the long legged girl, grinning down at her.

"You hide it at your uncle's farm in the summertime and tell everyone that you go to school in France."

"Where do you go to school?"

"I don't. I am home schooled. My mum is so embarrassed she keeps up the lie. I don't know what she plans to do when I am of age. I only have a year left, then her story won't work anymore. So what about you?"

"Hogwarts."

"Still? Seventh year, no?"

"Sixth," he glanced at her sideways. "We age faster."

"So I have heard," she grinned. "It looks good on you."

"Thanks," he sputtered, not sure her telling him being a werewolf looked good on him was a bad thing or not. "I think…"

"That came out wrong," she laughed. "Sorry. Listen, if my mum or uncle asks, and they shouldn't, we didn't talk. You know, without your folks around. I'll catch bloody hell if they know I came down here to fetch you."

"Need I ask why?"

"It is that mixed blood thing. Spencer doesn't really care, but my mum says I draw enough attention. We don't need to mix more people into our problems and your mixed blood will only…you know."

Remus laughed outright, shaking his head and smiling widely. "_You_, are worried about _me?_

"It's not a joke." She stopped and turned to glare at him. "Do you think he-who-must-not-be-named is only after Muggles? Do you think for one minute he will suffer squibs kindly?"

"Look who you are talking with."

"Right. A bloody werewolf. He _wants_ your kind. He is gathering them up. My kind he is killing. Flat out killing, not even trying to hide it. The only reason he will be after you is to convert you to his side. You know it and I know it."

"You'd better be going," Remus muttered and walked away, leaving her to look after him. "I would hate to have you caught talking to _my kind_."

"You don't have to be so touchy," she shouted at his back. "Go on then, run away. Run away and hide."

Remus returned to the barn and stayed in it until he heard the wagon pull away and Rhea call out a goodbye to Lucy. He breathed a deep sigh of relief that she was gone, not wanting to admit that she was right, not to her, not even to himself.

That evening he sat on the porch looking up at the sky, waiting for the time to go to the barn when Rhea came out, sat down behind him on the top step, and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him back to her.

"Another summer almost over," she sighed. "We should do something special before you go back. Remember how we used to go into London and visit the museums? Would you like to do that again?"

"She knows," he said quietly.

"Who knows what?"

"Lucy, Lucy Spencer. I had my tee off and she recognised the scar."

"What did she say," Rhea said, trying to keep the fear out of her voice.

"She said it didn't matter, that … she said she wouldn't tell anyone."

"Do you believe her?"

"Yes. I don't know why, but I do."

"She seems like a good girl. A little sassy and a little…I don't know…worldly I guess. She reminds me of Muggle girls I've met. Do they live in a mixed area?"

"I don't know, I didn't ask," he grinned. "Next time she comes around give me a list."

She swatted the back of his head, releasing him from her hug and gave him a gentle push. "Twilight is almost here. It is time."

"Yeah," he stood up and turned, holding out his arms so she could slather on the healing ointment she always made him put on. "So, I hear Vol…that bastard wants to gather up the werewolves and keep us as pets."

"Remus!" Rhea said in shock, "don't even joke about that."

"It's not joke. This is the second time I've heard it."

"Well…just…put it out of your mind."

"I hear he wants all sort of strange and dangerous creatures with him. I was thinking…I could do that…I could find out where they are and…"

Rhea bought her hand up and slapped his face without thinking.

"Don't you ever!" she hissed. "Don't you ever think such a thing!"

Remus caught her by the wrist and sneered at her. "What? Do you think I am going to sit back and watch this happen? Do you…" he stopped, seeing the fear in his mother's face, he let his arm drop to his side, and stepped back from her. "You'd better call John, I think it is time."

Rhea felt hot tears fill her eyes as she watched him stride away from her. She turned, and slowly went into the house to find John, afraid to go to the barn with her son.


	40. Found Out

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 40**

**Found Out**

**

* * *

  
**

Remus found Sirius sitting on the floor of the Astronomy Tower after the sorting ceremony. He slid down to the hard stone floor not saying a word, keeping his silence and waiting for Sirius to start. He had noticed Potter and Black had not kept up their usual banter at dinner. They had not even commented on any of the girls, or what they planned on doing with them this year, and had ignored the barbs and cutting comments Mulciber threw at them in the hallway on the way in to eat.

After what seemed like hours, but in fact was minutes, Remus glanced at Sirius sideways and snorted a laugh. "I've never seen you so quiet when you weren't stoned."

"You still staying?" Sirius questioned quietly after a few moments had passed.

"I told you I was."

"Things change," Sirius mused. "People change."

"Your dad?"

Sirius shook his head and leaned forward, scratching his initials in dirt that covered the floor. "Not a chance."

"Who then?"

Sirius looked up and studied Remus' face. "My brother. I've heard about … He-who…shite, I can't do this. I've heard about Riddle…he wants to gather up all the…"

"I heard."

"I don't know what to believe. Maybe I am more like Peter than I thought. That kid is messed up, almost as much as…" he stopped talking, unable to continue.

"Your brother? Yeah," Remus said slowly, leaning back against the wall. "I haven't told you, I saw your aunt."

"Which one?"

"Which one?…Don't act stupid. The one with the crazy kid. Andromeda."

"Right," Sirius spat, clamoured to his feet and brushed off his trousers.

"She wanted you. She was right upset over your moving in with the Potters."

"She told you that?"

"The day Peter came looking for me. Crying she was," Remus said flatly. "You can cut the _no one wants__me_ shite."

"It's hard, you know?"

Remus nodded and stood to face him. "How is it at the Potter's?"

Sirius shrugged his shoulders and walked to look out of the tower, surveying the grounds below. "It's tough. They have this dumb little _what-are-you-doing-tomorrow_ and _tell-me-what-you-did-today_ thing they do at tea every day. I don't get it. It's like…I don't know…everyone is into each other's business. Always talking about things, always pushing their noses into what they don't understand. Always asking questions and thinking they are somehow making it easier."

"It's called being part of a family," Remus said with a scowl. "You think my mum is just like that with company? When I was little I used to try to think up things just to keep her happy."

"Peter's dad says he wants him back," Sirius turned to look into Remus eyes, his own glistening with tears. "It's hard. You know? That mine…he doesn't want me."

Remus swallowed hard, not knowing what to do then found his arms instinctively pulling Sirius to him, hugging him tightly as the boy sobbed into his shoulder.

"Sorry," Sirius muttered as he pulled away, slapping Remus on the shoulders with both hands. "I don't go off like a…"

"It's okay," Remus muttered, finding himself ruffling his friend's hair, much as Rhea would ruffle his. "Come on, let's get out of here. We can grab the map and make a night of it."

"Sure." Sirius ran his sleeve over his face and started to the stairs. "I want to see if we can find a way into the girl's bath."

Rolling his eyes, Remus followed.

.

.

Remus took the seat closest to the door, not wanting to be front and centre when the time came for the demonstrations to start. He put his hand into his pocket, running his fingers over his wand, wondering what he would have to do today.

At one time, he had looked forward to Defence Against the Dark Arts, but as of late he wished he could avoid the lessons. He had learned more from Dawlish and Moody than he had in this room and was finding it difficult to separate where he had learned what, without giving away his secret lessons. He watched as Peter walked forward and was paired with Wilkes, a tall Slytherin that Peter did not have a chance against.

He flinched when Peter flew backwards into the padded wall, and inwardly groaned when he slid slowly to the ground, not fighting back, and received another hit for his lack of attention and lack of shield. The Gryffindor had not even attempted to block the second spell.

Potter swaggered up for his turn, smugly grinning at the Ravenclaw girl he was pitted against. Taking a duelling stance, he nodded his readiness and turned to his opposition, too late to repel a spurt of water that hit him full in the face, knocking off his glasses and causing him to slip and fall on his arse, dropping his wand. Remus burst out laughing as the slight Ravenclaw blew on the tip of her wand and returned to her seat amidst a round of applause.

"Enough!" The professor snarled. "This is not a game. This is life or death!"

"She cheated," Potter muttered as he struggled to stand up on the slippery floor.

"Perhaps you need to go back to the first year, Potter. Have you forgotten your drying spell? Now clean up that mess and get to your seat." The professor glared at him, then lifted his head and looked back at the class. "Lupin, front and centre! Let's see if there is at least one Gryffindor that may live though a classroom duel. However, I somehow doubt it."

As Remus stood and made his way to the front of the class, he heard Snape's name called out and cursed his luck. The dark haired Slytherin was the best by all standards. Remus only hoped not to land on his own arse as he turned and raised his wand, waiting for the signal to begin. He locked his eyes on Snape, hoping to see a flicker of what was to come; trying to discern which form the curse would take. What he saw was a hesitation, a momentary lapse of concentration, an uncharacteristic look of doubt. Surprised, he brought up his left arm, and just as the command to commence was given, he saw Snape do the same.

He grinned and set his shield as Rhea had taught him, surprised to see Snape follow his lead. His first spell shattered in an array of sparks against the Slytherin's shield, his second was deflected, sent over the heads of the students and into the back wall. Confused as to why Snape had not yet tossed out his first spell he hesitated for a split second, just enough time to enable Snape to send a coiling rope towards him, slithering across the floor only inches from his feet.

Jumping away, Remus levelled his wand again, and again blasted at Snape, ready to repel Snape's spells with his shield. They circled each other, evenly matched, each seemingly growing stronger and more assured. Remus crossed his left foot over his right, circling back to the centre, trying to keep Snape off balance. He felt too late, something under his foot, and as he instinctively looked down at the floor, at the rope that still moved in front of him, he lost his concentration and found himself flying into the desks behind him.

"Fuck," he muttered as he attempted to climb up from the rubble, only to totter on the broken furniture and crash down to the floor again. Looking up sheepishly he saw Snape extend his hand down to help him up. He grabbed the offered hand and pulled himself up, quickly letting go and brushing off his robes.

"I always suspected you to be a street fighter," Snape intoned coldly. "Tell me, do you spend your summers in the gutter?''

"Not too bad at it yourself," Remus spat. "Who are you trying to impress, Snape? You act all uppity but are no better then a guttersnipe yourself. Where do you get off acting like some rich kid? You're from Spinner's End!"

"Both of you," Professor Tate yelled, "take your seats. Pettigrew, you and Potter clean up this mess. Maybe you can be made useful for something."

"I only needed two spells, one to draw your attention and one to finish you. I do not waste my energy on the likes of you. If you want to fight like a real man, let me know." Snape hissed as he turned away and rejoined his housemates.

"What was that all about?" Black asked when Remus slumped down in his seat.

"Hell if I know. He won and he's still pissed off at me," Remus muttered. "Bloody hell, I'm going to be sore for a week."

"You should head down to the infirmary," Black said with a snigger, seeing the growing lump on Remus' head.

"Won't give him the satisfaction." Remus glared across the room at Snape.

"Right, better to let him see you in pain. That'll teach him."

"Shut up, Padfoot," Remus grinned.

"We should go into town this weekend. You know, sort of the last outing before the snow flies."

"I don't think so. It's getting worse. Even with you guys around." Remus lowered his voice. "I need to stay close. We should just keep to the lake, maybe a run down to Hagrid's place, but not off the grounds."

"Getting scared?" Black said by way of challenge.

"Listen, you said yourself that he is gathering us up…" he paused as students walked by, heading out to the hallway, "if I get caught out there…if you are caught with me…don't you see?"

"So we stay here," Sirius sighed. "At least Peter will be happy. He is always grousing about being left behind."

"Screw Peter," Remus muttered. "Sorry, it's just that I am getting sick of his bellyaching. You too, you know that Black?"

"What'd I do?" Sirius said incredulously.

"Forget it, forget everything but what you want," Remus slid out of his seat and headed for the door. "Tell Potter to knock it off too."

"Bloody hell," Sirius stammered, jumping to his feet and running after him. "What's got into you?"

"I just told you," Remus turned on him angrily. "I am a target. I'll have a fucking sign on my back and you want to run around like nothing is wrong."

"I won't give into it. If I do, if we do, he wins. That fucker wins and my father wins. Are you ready to just roll over and die?"

"Easy for you to say, it's my arse that is hanging out to dry."

"And such an arse it is," Sirius sniggered.

"Shut up, Black."

"No, really." Sirius draped his arm around his shoulders as they walked to their next class. "Think of it this way, whoever finds you out will have to take all of us on. We'll have your back."

"Right," Remus couldn't help but grin at the thought of a rat protecting him. "Just…promise we will stay on the grounds this time."

"I am hurt," Sirius stopped and clasped his hands over his heart. "You doubt me."

"Doubt? I don't doubt you…I _know_ you are lying…no doubt about it."

"I'm wounded," Sirius sighed deeply. "Fine, we stay on the grounds. Promise. Potter wanted to do something special this time. Maybe we can raid the kitchen."

.

.

.

Remus left the infirmary with a blanket tucked under his arm, used the back staircase and left from the entrance nearest the Quidditch Pitch. He glanced over his shoulder, and seeing no one watching, sprinted to the Whomping Willow. A large brown rat scurried in front of him and slinking forward on its belly, pushed its nose into the knothole, stilling the branches and allowing Remus to enter before turning back toward the castle.

"Peter!" Remus hissed, seeing Peter run off. "Great, even the rat leaves."

Tossing the blanket in the corner of the dirt-floored room at the top of the tunnel, he pulled off the rest of his clothes, intending to take the blanket to the end and up into the shack. He waited as long as he dared for the others, then as the prickling of his skin began, he stooped down to pick up his belongings.

"Moony, come on," Potter panted, still on his knees in the tunnel. "Don't bother changing up there, do it here. We want to leave as soon as we can."

"What the hell are you doing?" Remus balanced upon seeing James dare to enter. "You _can't_ change in here! Your antlers don't fit in the tunnel. Get the fuck out. God's Potter, hurry…you'll get stuck in here with me."

Remus fell to his knees as he felt the change beginning, his bones lengthening and his back snapping and realigning. "Get out!" He snarled at Potter. "Get the fuck out!"

"It's okay," Potter craned his neck to see back over his shoulder, smirking as he did. "Come on Moony, come over here. You can change the rest of the way outside. Come on… hurry," he pleaded, crawling backwards.

Remus smelled Potter's fear, and snarled again, barring his teeth, needing to chase him away but unable to talk past the pain. Lifting his head, he rotated his shoulders, still able to see clearly he stumbled toward the tunnel, shoving Potter roughly into the dark passage, and lifted his still forming muzzle to the ceiling, letting out a howl of warning, feeling the roof of his mouth split open and his jaw slide forward.

He dropped to his hands and knees, no longer human, no longer able to hold his mind on what was in front of him as he fought the pain, the grinding bone and the steady increase to the beats of his heart. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, was all that he could understand and even that began to recede into the back of his mind as the wolf lifted its massive head and sniffed the air.

.

.

.

"Moony? You awake?" Peter poked his shoulder. "Get up."

"Leave me," Remus moaned and rolled over on his back. "What the fuck happened? God's…it is worse than it's been in a…what happened? You guys left me, I don't remember a blasted thing."

"Nothing, really…only...something."

"Good Peter, as clear as always. Shite," Remus gasped as he sat up and saw the marks and bites on his arms. "You guys weren't here. You should have told me. I could have put the salve on."

"We were, sort of," Peter stood up nervously and looked back over his shoulder. "You did something last night."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face and his stomach lurch, turning his face away from Peter he looked around for his clothes, only to find a pile of tattered rags. "I need clothes."

"Black is bringing them. Listen Remus, it wasn't my fault. I didn't know what was happening. It was Potter, him and SIrius."

"What did he do?"

"Snape, they brought him here, sort of…he set him up."

Remus reached to the rags in the corner, his hands trembled as he sorted the tattered remains until he found his trousers. Feeling his eyes fill, he passed his hand over the ripped cloth, repairing them the best he could and stood trying to lift his leg to put them on. Unable to stand on one leg he stumbled into the wall, a sob escaping his throat.

"Here," Peter said softly, holding the trousers open for him to step into. "Remus, they are still all ripped up."

"Leave," Remus choked out.

"You didn't get him, you didn't."

Remus snapped his head up and studied Peter's face. "You sure? Really sure? You've seen him or just… just heard about it?"

"I heard Potter talking to Dumbledore. Sirius too, he says…"

"Get the fuck out of my sight!" Remus pushed him with both hands, knocking him down to the dirt floor. "You ran. You ran away. Don't tell me you didn't know what they were doing!"

"I didn't! Honest! If I knew I would have stopped them!"

"You? You have never stood up to them a day in you life! This isn't a joke! This is my life. My life and you fucked it up with the rest of them!"

"But…," Peter stammered, "he's okay. He got scared is all. Yeah, he is making a fuss but McGonagall is talking to him."

"Not Pomfrey? He is okay then? I didn't… I didn't get near him?"

"No, I told you that."

Remus picked up the blanket and wrapped it around his shoulders. "Tell them to keep out of my way. I don't need their help."

"You shouldn't go out like that," Peter muttered, crawling backwards to the tunnel.

"I told you to leave," Remus said evenly. "Now get out of my sight."

He waited until Peter had left then started down the tunnel himself, unsure what would happen. He was not surprised to find Madam Pomfrey waiting for him at the edge of the clearing. Taking the clothes she offered, he changed quickly as she turned her back to afford him some privacy. When he was done, he called her softly, ashamed to be standing in front of her.

"Let me see your arms," she sighed, shaking her head. "Oh, Remus, why?"

"You think I did this?"

"I know there are two sides to every …"

"Yeah, right, but I am sure it won't matter." He turned and walked up to the castle ignoring her calls to return and have his arms healed.

He heard Rhea's voice as he walked to the castle, and remembered all those years ago as they sat at the kitchen table. She had said he would make his father proud, that _her s_on would make him proud. _Proud_, he thought, how could a registered werewolf, no longer called human, ever make her proud.

"Mr. Lupin," the Headmaster's voice brought him out of his memories as he reached the front door. "You will come to my office at once."

"Yes, sir."

"Mr. Snape will be joining us."

"He is okay? Peter said he was but …," Remus stammered with his voice cracking, "he hadn't seen him."

"He is physically well, however that is not due to you. Mr. Potter put an end to the prank, for which we should all be thankful."

"Yes, sir. Sir, I…" Remus swallowed hard, and then seeing the look on the Headmaster's face, he knew now was not the time for vain excuses and promises.

Snape was already waiting in the Headmaster's office, sitting stiffly in one of the chairs opposite the Headmaster's. He did not turn when the door opened and Remus walked in with the Headmaster, but instead stood staring straight ahead, making no attempt to acknowledge Remus' presence.

"Snape, I'm sorry. I know that sounds…not enough…but I don't know what to say. I didn't know you were going to be there. If I did…I would have…" Remus stammered to a stop, not knowing what to say. "I would have done _something_…you have to believe me."

"I, Mr. Lupin, do not believe you. Nor your so called …friends." Snape said coldly, still not looking at him, but nodding at the Headmaster who took his seat at the desk.

"Please, gentlemen, be seated."

Remus sat down uncomfortably. Facing Severus, he licked his lips and tried again. "Severus, listen…I know what you think. But you're wrong. I never, I never meant to harm you. I will take Veritaserum if you want. I will take any truth serum you chose."

"Mr. Snape and I have spoken about this at length and have reached an impasse. I have asked you here only to ascertain if there is a solution to this problem. Other, that is, than bringing the Ministry into Hogwarts' business."

Remus felt his stomach fall; nodding quietly he lowered his head and breathed through parted lips, trying not to sob aloud. "I will agree to what ever you decide."

"You have no choice," Severus sneered. "Werewolves have no place here. You should be locked up someplace with other dangerous animals."

"Fuck off, Snape," Remus stood up and turned to glare at him. "I am not as dangerous as that monster you call Lord. At least I haven't hurt anyone. I would rather die than do that. What about Voldemort? What about that Malfoy you hang around with? Should we send the Ministry over to their place too?"

Severus stood so quickly the backs of his legs toppled the chair, his hand slid into his pocket as he felt his ebony wand. "You do not know what you are saying."

"No? Want to take me to your Lord? I hear he has quite a collection going."

"Enough!" Albus roared as he came to his feet, leaning his hands on his desk and glowering at the pair of them. "Mr. Snape, you will not belittle any student within these halls, and Mr. Lupin, you will not cast aspersions you cannot back up. We are here to settle this for the last time. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Headmaster," Severus said smugly and righted his chair, sitting on it and looking straight ahead.

"Clear," Remus smirked. "Yeah, let me know what cage to crawl into." He turned on his heel and left the office, all but running down the circular stairs and apparated as soon as his foot touched the ground outside of the gates.

"Remus?" Rhea opened the door having heard the sound of uncontrolled apparation, and cried out, seeing Remus sitting on the ground. "What happened?"

She ran to him, falling on her knees, and reached up to pull his face to her, looking for damage he could have sustained from the night before. "None the worse for wear. Your arms? Roll up your sleeves."

"They know," he locked his eyes on hers, "Potter played a prank. It … they know. Nothing happened… no one was hurt. But...I could have. I could have killed him. Mum, what do I do now? I don't know what to do."

Rhea swallowed hard and glanced down to the barn. "John is still here. Should I …"

"No, Mum…if it gets to the Ministry that he has been hiding me he will lose his job."

"He knows that," she said softly. "It is one of the things we are ready for. We put back money each payday just in case. So don't worry about that, we have saved up enough for a few months."

"You could lose the farm. If people like Spencer…"

"Stop this. You cannot live your life on what may happen to us. Now tell me how bad it is."

By the time he had finished telling her what had happened, they were sitting in the kitchen, a pot of tea sitting untouched on the table and breakfast cold and uneaten.

"Then I …I left. I figured they were going to kick me out."

"You don't know that," Rhea sighed.

"No, but what else could they do? Everyone will know about me. I don't think Snape will keep his mouth shut."

"Do you blame him?" John asked from the doorway, where he had been standing unbeknownst to Remus.

"No," Remus answered honestly. "But…I think I would at least give the other guy a chance to explain. Dad, he would not even look at me. He didn't give me a chance."

"I once had a call to a house down in Knockturn, domestic problem. Nothing special, but this guy wouldn't look at me. He kept telling me, quite clearly, what I could do with my wand and what the Ministry could do …well, you get the picture. It bothered me. I kept on at him until he looked at me. That is when all bloody hell broke loose. He could keep his anger under control until then, but looking at me…he had to deal with me…and he did not want to. I forced him into it. Learned a lot about domestic cases that day."

"You think this boy is doing the same?" Rhea asked, looking at Remus. "Maybe your dad is right. Maybe you should give him a chance. At least talk to the Headmaster."

"I'll take him," John said, pushing away from the wall.

"I'll have to be registered now."

"Yes," John agreed. "I had hoped you could have finished school first."

"What if I can't finish?"

John looked at Rhea and saw her eyes fill with tears before she turned back to the sink and started sorting the breakfast dishes. "What if you do?"

"John, please," she spun back to plead with him. "Not now, we don't need to get into this."

"I think we do. Son, whether you finish or not, if you are a registered werewolf you will never get a job in this world. Even unregistered where do you plan on working? Do you know a place that will give you time off every full moon and not catch on to what you are?"

"It will change," Remus said firmly. "Someday it will change, and where will I be then if I don't finish? The Headmaster said that I am only the first, he said that …"

"Exactly." John said flatly. "If you don't fight this, if you don't get back in that school, there will never be another. There are a lot counting on you lad. More than you can imagine. Not just werewolves, but people like that gamekeeper up there. You have a chance your brother never had."

"You didn't see him. You didn't see how angry he is."

"Give him a chance. If he is any kind of wizard, he will see the point. He may not like it, he may always be right around the corner, waiting for you to make another mistake, but give him a chance."


	41. Growing Up

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 41**

**Growing Up**

**

* * *

  
**

Remus rested his head in his hand as he ran the blade of his knife around his plate, staring mindlessly as the gravy congealed in long squiggly lines around the edge of his plate.

"You plan on eating that?" Lily giggled as she lifted her leg over the bench and sat down straddling the wooden seat, looking up at him grinning.

"Oh, umm no," he muttered, pushing the plate away.

"James is sorry you know."

"Did he send you over here?"

"No, and before you ask neither did Black."

"Then tell Peter to bugger off."

"I already did," she said seriously. "I told him to leave you alone until you came round."

"Then you decided to chip in your opinion?"

"Slughorn is having a tea this afternoon."

"I told him I was busy."

"Severus will be there. It may be a good time to…"

"You can't mean that. I'm sure you heard what the Headmaster said. If I so much as talk to him outside of lessons, I am out of here."

"He said that he wanted you gone, only McGonagall got all up in his face. He says you're not safe for me to be around."

"It that why you are with me now? Just so he can see you talking to a werewolf and make him jealous about me too?"

"Shhh!" She looked around to make sure they were not overheard. "You should know better. He isn't even here; he's already left. I wanted to ask you something, about Potter now that you brought him up…and no, I am not talking to him just to make Severus jealous."

Remus turned to face her, waiting for her to pose her question, surprised when she began to blush. "You have to be kidding."

"What? I just wanted to know if he…you know… said anything about me."

Remus looked behind him to see if anyone was listening, sure she was playing a joke at his expense. "You mean other than at least once a week since we came here, when he says that he wants to catch you under the Quidditch stands? Or that he told you about my furry little problem after I almost ate your old boyfriend?"

"Prat," she giggled. "He…I don't know, since we came back this year he seems…different somehow. When I heard Black had moved in with him I thought he would be worse…only…he's not. That day…you know he felt terrible about what almost happened to you, he would have laughed it off before. I've never seen him like that. He is really sorry, Remus. Truly he is. He said it was all his fault, and even told the Headmaster that Black didn't have anything to do with it. Severus was sitting right there, listening. I think that's what McGonagall used with him to, you know… that you didn't know about it. He took it all on himself."

"What was he thinking? Did he… anyway, he should. It was his idea, just like all the other stuff he pulled on Snape."

"Remus, he doesn't think. He gets these stupid ideas and … he doesn't think about how something is going to end. He thought he and Sirius could stop you, he told me all about it. He didn't think Severus would rat you out. With everything Severus is involved in, James didn't think he would risk getting caught. It was a prank. He didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, or for you to get in trouble, he…he didn't think. Yeah, it was a stupid thing to do, but he wasn't doing it to be mean."

"He doesn't get it, Lily. It's not about being told on, it's about what could have happened, and he did it just because he could. Just because he is the mighty James Potter who can do no wrong. I don't like Snape either, but I don't go hunting for him. Remember that time down at the lake? Remember him mixing up the essays, trying to get Snape's lost? Why? What the fuck does it have to do with him? If he doesn't like him, Merlin, leave him alone, ignore him…I don't get it. I should have done something a long time ago, but I never thought it would turn into something like this."

"He gets it now," she said softly, covering his hand with hers. "I want you to know that he told me about you, but no one else. He was beside himself, Remus. Sirius laid into him. They had a terrible row. Peter says he didn't know, and I believe him. But, him and Sirius…he pulled his wand on James, but he never even took his out. It was awful."

"What do you want, Lily?" He clenched his jaw and refused to explain that Peter had been the first to run away that night, obviously wanting to be gone when Snape encountered the wolf.

"Would you think about it? Just that? Just give it some thought and see if you can forgive them?"

"Tell Peter it didn't work," Remus snapped and stood up, swinging his leg into the aisle.

"Sure," Lily said lightly. "I'll tell him that even Snape could be talked into letting you stay but you are too good to forgive them."

"What did you expect? Do you expect me to act as if nothing happened? Or didn't you think it through either?" He grabbed his book bag from the floor and stormed out of the Great Hall, angry that she had put herself between him and the others and angry at Peter for suggesting that she did. Striding to Professor McGonagall's office door he raised his fist, then paused, reconsidering what he was about to do, before bringing it down and pounding on her door.

"Mr. Lupin, step away from this door!" Minerva scowled at him as she stood, still holding the door handle in her hand. "I may be old, young man, however, you will find I am not deaf nor am I the most patient of souls when my privacy is intruded upon."

"I need to talk to you."

"Do you?" She pursed her lips together and looked him over from head to boot and back again. "As it appears you are not in your throes of death, you will be so good as to make an appointment. Good day, Mr. Lupin."

Remus threw his arm up to stop her from closing the door. "I need to know what you told him, told Snape. What made him agree to…?"

"That, Mr. Lupin, is between me and Mr. Snape. I am sure you do not expect me to give up my confidences. Now, remove yourself and we will not speak of this again."

"I…. I'm sorry," he muttered, stepping back from the door and turning to leave.

"Remus," she called out to him softly, "I cannot tell you how sorely sad I am for you. This should have been between Misters Snape and Potter from the beginning. However, due to your…condition it was foisted on you. I am truly sorry."

"You know? You know that I didn't set it up? That I…I wouldn't do that? You know that right?"

"My dear boy," Minerva said, putting her hand to her throat and choking back her own emotions. "Of course I do. If I thought you had somehow set this up, you would have left Hogwarts within the hour.

"Thanks, if it wasn't for you…I wanted you to believe me… I…I was afraid you would think…, you know, after everything we have done to him," he swallowed hard, "anyway, I have to get to my next lesson."

He ran back the way he had come, feeling much better just to know that she believed him. He thought of the anger in the Headmaster's voice and the disappointment in Madam Pomfrey's_. A week to the hols_, he thought, then six more months after that. He so desperately wanted to finish the year. He thought of the Uni his father had wanted him attend and knew that if he could just finish this year he would be old enough to consider that as an option.

He slung the strap of his book bag over his shoulder, shoved his hands in his pockets and was careful to keep his eyes lowered to the floor. He knew he had been foolish, too foolish in trusting so completely, being lead so easily, being so hungry for friends that he had risked everything. He knew he would never again be able to place his life so completely in the hands of another.

.

.

.

During the holidays, Dawlish brought home a stack of papers and tossed them on the kitchen table in front of Rhea. "Read that. You need to know what's going to happen."

"These are … John?" She asked, confused why he thought she should read the rulings and laws concerning werewolves now that things at Hogwarts seemed to have calmed down.

"He is going to have questions, and you better be ready," he said evenly as he sat to face her. "He doesn't talk to me the way he used to. He is growing up and needs to make his own choices. On the off chance he comes to you, I want you prepared."

"That's not fair, he always talks to you. Ever since you first met he has come to you with his problems."

"Right, but times are changing, Rhea. All this week he has avoided me. I am the Ministry…no, now stop…it's going to be that way, and you know it. The time will come when he will think he cannot come to me at all, he…bloody hell, read that trash and tell me how he would dare. Do you know it says in there that anyone caught hiding an unregistered werewolf will be sent to Azkaban for a term of five years? Yeah, look shocked… how about anyone that works for the Ministry can be accused of trying to…. Here, let me find it…," he rifled through the papers until he found what he was looking for, tapped his finger on the top of the page and read the line he was looking for…" here…. tried and convicted of seditious actions against the …fuck, how can he not read that and be scared to talk to me? Seditious actions, what a crock…he's my son! The only one I will ever have."

"John, maybe it would be better if I took him and…"

"Don't say it Rhea. We have come too far to throw in the towel now." He stood up and walked to her side of the table, pulled her up to her feet, leaning down and kissing her soundly. "You stop it. You are going no place, not without me."

"I think this is where I originally came in," Remus laughed as he padded into the kitchen barefoot and shirtless, his jeans riding low on his hips, his hair uncombed. "So… you're still snogging my mum I see."

"Yup," John released Rhea and laughed. "It was a good thing then and a good thing now."

"Cheeky is what it was," Rhea muttered. "You, young man, get back upstairs and dress, and hurry it up. You know better then parading around here like that. Spencer's niece is coming over this morning."

"What? It's still dark out. I don't think we are going to…" he stopped and turned to the sitting room as the floo activated.

" We are doing the holiday baking today," she hissed at him, "now go get dressed. What will she think we are like with you prancing around half naked?"

"Hello? I could use a hand here," Lucy called out from the floo where she stood surrounded by shopping bags.

"Merlin girl," John laughed as he walked into the next room. "You two baking for the whole town?"

"No, but we thought we could make enough for the kids while we are at it. We are going to take biscuits for the party and four cakes up to the incurable wards, but this year there is the orphan's party going on at the same time." She watched John as he squatted down to retrieve some of the bags, glancing up as Remus headed for his bedroom. "Planning to go for a swim?"

Remus felt his neck turn red as he tucked his chin down and took the stairs two at a time, cursing his luck. Both times he had seen her, he had looked like shite. Carefully picking out a pair of trousers and a pullover, he combed his hair back, tying it at the back of his neck with a length of leather and slipped on his dress shoes, not wanting to thump through the house with his work boots.

Standing in front of the mirror that hung on the back of his door, he scowled and pulled off his jumper, replacing it with a button down, then changed his shoes back to his work boots. He could not very well do the morning chores looking like he was headed for the cinema. Reluctantly he returned downstairs, anxious and nervous to see Lucy again.

"That's better," Rhea greeted him. "Breakfast will be ready in about half an hour."

"I'll tend Lucinda and haul the wood then," Remus said as reached up to the hook for his jacket. "Dad left? Is he working the day shift?"

"Afraid so, you have barn duty today."

"I'll help," Lucy chimed in, smiling and heading to the side door.

"I'm fine."

"I know, but breakfast will be cold before you get done and I am starving."

"You two hurry on now," Rhea called out, looking in the oven to check on the sweet rolls.

They left together and walked to the barn. Remus shoved his hands into his pockets and kept his eyes on the ground, avoiding her and not knowing how to start up a conversation.

"You still pissed off at me?" Lucy said, her breath hanging white in the cold December air.

"Nah," he grinned, looking at her from the corner of his eye. "I was just touchy about things. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"Good. I would hate to spend the next two weeks pussy footing around."

"_Pussy_ footing?"

"You know…sort of…umm… walking around quiet as a cat, so's not to upset you."

"Oh, yeah…it sounded… worse," he said then laughed aloud thinking of the list John had taught him when he had messed up with Tiffany. "You don't live in a Wizarding community do you?"

"No," she said seriously. "Does that bother you?"

"I don't know. I don't really know anyone but Lily that is from the Muggle world and she is different. She was raised Muggle, but that's not the same as being wizard in the Muggle world. I don't know what that would be like, tough is my guess."

"She your girlfriend?"

Remus heard the hesitation in her voice and studied her face as she walked past him to enter the barn. "No, she is a friend, but not my girlfriend."

"Do you have one?" Lucy walked into Lucinda's stall and ran her hand over the cow's back, soliciting a bawl. "Ah, now…hurts hey? We'll take care of that right off."

She pulled down the milking stool and the bucket from a hook on the wall and took up her position to milk before looking up at Remus, biting her lip, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know,' he smirked. "I'll let you know after the cinema tonight."

"You taking Lily?"

"No, I'm taking you. That is if you want to." He swallowed hard, thinking he may have misunderstood her.

"I have to go to the hospital with your mum." She laid her cheek against Lucinda's side as she stretched to reach the teats.

"We can go to one in London. We will be there already."

She sat up, looked back over her shoulder at him and grinned. "Okay, but I have to be back my ten. My mum is sort of strict."

"Ten it is," Remus said, feeing lightheaded and suddenly worried about the night before him.

"Good, now get the wood before your mum has my hide for keeping you."

Remus found things to do in the kitchen all day. He needed to fix a cup of tea, then he needed a glass of water, or wanted to check on the cupboard door latch that seemed to be sticking. Rhea bit the inside of her cheek to stop the smile that threatened to give him up to Lucy, and finally put him at the table shelling walnuts and chopping figs. He frowned and complained, all the while pulling the bowl of nuts closer and looking at Lucy, pretending to be put out by the chore.

By the time John came home from work they were just sorting out the kitchen and packing up the fresh pastries to take into town. Lucy picked up one of the bags and asked Rhea where she could change, and then ran upstairs while tea was put out on the table. Remus waited until she came down, dressed in a red jumper and black skirt, before he went up to dress, forgoing his usual pullover for a suit jacket that he put on over a clean white shirt.

They loaded up the floo with the baked goods and headed off to St. Mungo's, distributing the packages to the proper wards before Rhea released them for the night. Shooing them off, she gave Remus a quick hug as she pressed twenty pounds into his hand before turning away and chatting with the Mediwitch on duty. Remus, caught off guard at his sudden luck, shoved it in his pocket happily, grabbed Lucy's hand and tugged her toward the exit.

Once on the street he sucked in his breath as a blast of cold air hit him full in the face. Hearing Lucy's gasp he turned to her grinning.

"Come over here," he said, guiding her back into the doorway where he transfigured a winter coat from her light jacket, then did the same to his.

"Thanks." She wrapped her arms around herself shivering.

"How about we skip the cinema and find someplace warm. We can grab a cup of cocoa and talk. Bet you have enough magic for a warming spell. I can try to teach you. That or I can heat things up," Remus suggested, as he transfigured a scarf from his handkerchief and draped it over her head.

She looked up at him and smirked. "You don't expect me to fall for that line."

"Fall for what?"

"You really don't know, do you?" She laughed, sliding her hand under his elbow as they began to walk. "Remus, you are a mystery. Sometimes I think you are so much older than me, and other times you say the dumbest things."

"What did I say?" He frowned, playing over the conversation in his head. "I didn't think I would have had time to mess up yet."

"You haven't. Cocoa sounds good. There has to be a café open around here."

He covered her hand with his own, squeezed her arm as they walked along talking, and was almost disappointed when they found a place to go into. Releasing her arm, he waited until she slid into the booth and at the last moment, he pushed in next to her instead of taking the seat on the other side of the table.

They lost track of time, sitting in the café, talking, sharing stories, Remus telling her about Tiffany, admitting his guilt over her death, and surprised that he could not seem to stop talking. Lucy told him of her life, always stopping short of sharing details, never giving him the exact city they lived in, only the general area, never telling him where her mother worked, only that her profession was that of a seamstress.

Remus did not realize how little he knew of her until he had returned to Hogwarts. As his relationship with Black and the others warmed, he tried to explain her to them only to find he knew far less than he had thought. It did not matter, nor did it concern him. He just knew that if she was at the train station to meet him at the end of term, as she had promised, it would be enough.


	42. Birthmarks and Distinguishing Features

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**

* * *

  
**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 42**

**Birthmarks and Distinguishing Features**

**

* * *

  
**

"Is that her?" Black hung out the window and waved at Lucy who only looked at him coldly then tried to ignore him as she searched the windows.

"Wow." James pushed him back to take a look. "You said she was pretty but she's a knockout."

"Let me see," Lily quipped, shoving James to the side. "Oh…well, yeah. I guess."

James smiled and looked back over his shoulder at Remus who was already pulling down his knapsack from the overhead. "She's jealous."

"Am not," Lily huffed, swatting James' arm. "I guess she looks good if you like that kind."

"Your mum is here, Potter," Black muttered. "Tell her I have something to do. I'll make it to Godric's on my own."

Remus pulled open the compartment door, ran down the aisle, then jumped out onto the platform, scooping up Lucy and spinning her around.

"I missed you," he laughed.

"Did you?" She smiled up at him. "Could have fooled me. Not one letter."

"You forgot to give me your address and I wasn't sure…" he started to explain, and saw her grin. Without thinking, he leaned down and captured her mouth with his, grabbing her shoulders and holding her tightly.

"Woot! Way to go Lupin!" James called form where he now stood on the platform, and earned another slap on the back of his head from Lily.

"We should get out of here," Lucy whispered, looking beyond Remus' shoulder, seeing the smirks they were getting and hearing the laughter.

"Sorry." Remus swallowed hard, thinking she was mad at him, but was secretly proud to have just kissed her in public.

"For the kiss or the…never mind," she laughed, seeing him try to sputter out an answer.

They exited platform 9 ¾, finding Rhea and John waiting in the main lobby. Lucy shyly, stepped further away from Remus, seeing a look of disapproval in Rhea's eyes and feeling the tension that filled the air. She told Remus she had just happened to be in the city, and stammered a hasty goodbye, quickly leaving him to look after her as she all but fled from the station.

"What was that about?" Remus stepped back from Rhea, avoiding her hug.

"Things have changed," she muttered. "Where is your trunk?"

"I left it up at school. Mum, what happened?"

"Not now." John stepped forward and grabbed Remus' knapsack. "We have an appointment at the Ministry. Best get a move on. We can explain later."

"About me?" Remus asked, not attempting to move forward.

"Yes." John raised his eyebrow and peered at Remus, trying to judge the boy's reaction, but seeing only a calm flatness in his eyes. "We were told this morning. We didn't have time to warn you."

"So it starts."

"Yes." John said uncomfortably. "Are you okay boy?"

"Who told them?"

"We don't know, not for sure," Rhea stammered. "Who do you know that could have told them? Not your friends and we had the Headmaster's promise that the Snape boy wouldn't say anything."

"So, that leaves Lucy. Is that what this was all about?"

Rhea worried her lip and turned toward the way out hoping to find a taxi. "Come on, if we are late they could fine us more than they already have."

"Answer me… was it Lucy?" Remus felt his throat close and his hands start to tremble. He shoved them in his pockets, keeping his eyes lowered as he felt his tears begin.

John followed Rhea silently, leaving Remus' question hanging unanswered. He ran after them, grabbed John's shoulder and yanked him back, forcing him to look him in the face.

"I don't believe it. She wouldn't have done that," he pleaded, his voice cracking. "She just came to meet the train. If she turned me in she wouldn't have done that."

"We didn't say she did. We just know that someone did, someone close enough to know you. Someone that may have something to gain."

"What would she gain? You saw her! She came to see me home. What would she have to gain?!"

"Nothing, nothing but her uncle's farm and…"

"Rhea! We don't know who told," John thundered at Rhea. "You are grasping at straws, it could be anyone."

"Then why Lucy? Why blame her?"

"We will finish this at home," Rhea spat. "Let's get through this and then we can talk. Right now nothing is making sense."

"Your mum has a point," John muttered, raking his hand through his head. "We have to get there before they come to collect you. They will know the train is in."

Remus nodded glumly and followed them outside. Once they found a taxi, they sat silently, Rhea looking straight ahead, unseeing, afraid to talk for fear of bursting into tears. Remus picked up her hand and bought it to his lips, kissing it, he sat, not letting it go, willing her to relax, and praying that she was wrong.

As soon as they entered the lobby, Moody strode up to his left, leaving John walking on his right. They guided him to security where he had his wand weighed, catalogued and taken from him and a yellow badge, containing the letter W, pinned to his chest.

Remus swallowed hard and kept his eyes to the floor, aware of the stares he was getting, and aware that the space in front of him cleared as he walked forward with an Auror on either side, as if his very presence was a contamination.

"Doing good boy," Alastor muttered as the door to the lift opened. "Don't think about it."

Remus stepped forward to enter, stopped by John's arm. Waiting until the car was completely empty, they entered and let out a breath of relief as the door slid shut behind them.

"You are not allowed in confined spaces with civilians," John spat, unable to look at Remus, instead standing looking up at the small white numbers that indicated the floor they were descending to.

"Don't let it bother you," Moody tried to chuckle. "Aren't but a few witches I would want to be locked up with anyway. One up on floor four, one over at St. Mungo's and my witch."

"I don't think you would still have a witch of your own if you got locked up with the other two," Remus snorted. "Now that I think about it, I am surprised you have a witch at all."

"That's why I am in here with a wolf and the ugliest Auror I know. I make her feel sorry for me."

"I thought we had to go up to registration," Remus managed to choke out, nervously watching the floor indicator going down and not up.

"Werewolf Registration is … you are not allowed up there. Too many people," John said, finally able to lower his head and look at Remus. "Listen, everything I told you over the holidays is true. I thought it best not to worry you about the details."

"Nothing to worry about no how," Moody grumbled. "Just tell 'em what they want to hear and let it go. Try to bait you, they will…don't fall for it, don't get all uppity and know it all. Just be yourself and you'll do fine."

Remus nodded, hearing Moody's voice so sure and confident he knew he was lying. "Good try," he sniggered.

"Been practicing. Promised that mother of yours I wouldn't let you get all scared."

"Good, you had me worried there for a moment." Remus grinned as John rolled his eyes. "Don't worry about me. Bloody hell, what can they do to me anyway? Pass another law? Make my mum scare off my girlfriend?"

Moody reached out and slapped the emergency button, bringing the lift car to a sudden and complete halt. "Have you fucked her boy?"

"What?!" Remus sucked in his breath, and spun around to look at John, seeing him waiting for the answer as well.

"It's a capital offence," John said, watching Remus' reaction intently.

"They can cut them off if you did," Moody said darkly. "Now, you let me know fore I go opening this door down there."

"No," Remus sputtered. "She's not like that, and what the fuck do you mean they can cut them off?"

"Figure of speech." Moody reached over and set the car in motion again. "They use a sterilization spell the first time. Don't do any surgery until you are older and know how to counter the hex."

"Holy Merlin," Remus swallowed hard and looked up at the numbers, showing they were almost at the destination. "Dad?" Remus pleaded as the lift stopped. "I don't want to do this. He's joking, right?"

He felt John's hand on his back and felt the older wizard lean into his ear. "Remus, listen. It will be over sooner if you just don't fight it. We can get out of here and go home. All they can do today is fill out your registration and then send you to St. Mungo's for an exam."

"Where's Mum?"

"She isn't allowed down here."

"Come on boy," Moody quipped and stepped out, waiting for Remus to follow. "You've been through worse than this. I remember a man that gave up his life to get you this far and that witch up there buried him because of it. All you need to do is fill out some papers and let them give you a once over."

"Dad?"

"Right here," John said softly. "I can't take you the rest of the way."

"Dad? I…why…?"

"He broke the law hiding your arse, he has to see the cashier and pay up. Now, come on… we're late." Moody took off down the hall, leaving Remus to watch John step back into the lift, and the door close.

"In here." Moody opened a door and jerked his head to the room beyond it, then whispered urgently as Remus passed him in the doorway. "Don't fight 'em, lad. Don't let 'em get to you and no magic, whatever you do …no magic."

Remus stood in a green tiled room, devoid of furniture. The only fixture was a Muggle style bulb hanging from the ceiling, well beyond his reach. There was a door opposite the one he had entered, and confused if he should go forward, or wait where he was, he decided on the least frightful of his options and stayed put.

After a few moments, the far door opened and in walked a wizard in a white coat, and an assistant, wand at the ready, pointing it at the middle of Remus' chest. Remus' took an involuntary step backwards, putting his arms up, palms outward in the universal sign of surrender, blanching at the look on the young assistant's face.

"I don't have a wand," Remus said softly. "Really, you can put that down."

"Gordon," the wizard in the white coat spat. "I told you these things are smarter than most give them credit for. Now, put that thing down until we need it."

"You won't need it," Remus tried to joke it off, managing a sheepish grin.

"Better not wolf. Now, strip."

"Umm...What?"

"I said strip. You do understand English."

"Here? I thought I went to St. Mungo's for an exam."

"Do you see a changing room? No? Yes, right here."

"Umm," Remus swallowed hard and began to tug off his jumper. "Can I ask you why?"

"You can ask anything you want," he laughed.

"We ain't answering to your kind," Gordon snorted. "Right, doc?"

"You are a healer?" Remus asked the wizard in the white coat.

"Vet," he smirked. "Mr. Flannigan to you. Of course, you can call me Sir, Master… Your Lord…I hear your kind likes the Lord."

"No," Remus felt lightheaded as he finished pulling off his jumper and tossed it to the side.

"It's not a secret that you all work for him. We want to know what you know."

"Me? I…I don't know anything."

"I told you to strip."

"Sir, I…I was told I had to Register. Nothing in the directions said anything about a strip search."

"No? You can read?" He turned back to Gordon and raised an eyebrow. "How about that? He can read. Real scholar we have here."

"Yeah," Gordon snorted, "fucking waste if you ask me."

"Do it or we'll do it for you," Flannigan said flatly.

Remus clenched his jaw shut and thought of Moody standing outside of the door. The knowledge of the grizzled Auror watching over him gave him what he needed and he managed to strip and to stand naked in front of the two strangers.

"Turn, slowly." Flannigan pulled out his wand and summoned a clipboard. Taking notes on what he saw, he told Remus to stop as he examined the bite mark, measured the dimensions, and drew a sketch of what he saw. "Must have been young. So you weren't born this way? Some bitch didn't push you out?"

Remus shut his eyes and fought not to respond, continued turning, finally returning to the position in which he had started.

"No birthmarks," Flannigan muttered, making a note on the clipboard. "Only distinguishing feature…bite mark, shoulder…nothing extraordinary. Gordon… get the marker."

Remus squatted down to pick up his boxers and trousers, stopped by Flannigan's sharp command to remain standing. Feeling exposed and humiliated, Remus bit back tears and rose to his feet, again standing still. He watched as Gordon left the room and waited, not knowing what was coming next. All too soon, Gordon re-entered the room carrying a long, thin metal stick that twisted into a circle with the letter W in the middle.

Recognising a branding iron, he stepped back, trembling and afraid. He darted to the door behind him, yelling for Moody, tugging on the knob, and cursing. Finding the door warded, he turned in time to see Gordon pull back his arm, his fingers curled into a fist.

He woke alone, sprawled out on the floor, a sharp pain radiating from his inner thigh. Groaning and rubbing his jaw, he sat up and spread his legs to inspect the small brand, high on inside of his leg. He reached out for his clothes and struggled into them, pulling the fabric away from the small mark the best he could. Hissing as he stood, he staggered, almost falling, before regaining his balance.

The door beyond was open. Without thinking, he limped into the next room and found a table and chair. On the table was his registration form. He sat and completed the questionnaire, and watched it magically disappear when he attached his signature, and then laying his head on the table, he tried to think but soon lost the fight as he slipped back to sleep.

The sound of heels on the tile floor brought his head up quickly. Licking his lips, he brought his hands up and scrubbed his face.

"Mr. Lupin," the Headmaster said softly. "This part of your registration is over. You are safe now."

"What are you… how …" Remus tried to focus on the voice, unable to make out the Headmaster's features.

"They drugged you." He scowled, his voice belying his calm. "Did you at anytime fight them? Honesty is important here, Mr. Lupin."

"I… I remember…," he whispered, looking up and finding Albus' eyes. "They branded me. Like an animal."

"Mr. Lupin, did you fight them?"

"No, I ... I don't think… I wanted to leave, I wanted to get out…I tried to get out," his voice cracked and he felt hot tears of shame course down his face. "He hit me…I don't think I …no I didn't … they branded me."

"They had no right to question you without a solicitor."

"Wolves don't qualify for one." Remus tried to stand only to fall back into the chair. "Remember? Only humans are granted that privilege."

"Until you are registered you are still human. They branded you prior to that."

"What does it matter?" Remus spat.

"It matters, Mr. Lupin, in the fact that they did not follow procedure. It matters in the fact that we fight them every inch of the way. It matters that we make it as hard as we can for them to do this, and it matters that they see you a human, as what and who you are. Now, follow me."

Remus shook his head and pulled himself up by the edge of the table, took two steps and landed face down on the floor. "Fuck."

"Yup, Albus…that's the one." Moody stomped into the room and yanked Remus' head up by the hair, quickly gave him a wink and let his head fall again.

"You drugged my client, Mr. Flannigan. In doing so you have nullified these proceedings." Albus clasped his hands behind his back and peered over his glasses.

"He is a werewolf, and as such will not be one of your…your causes Albus."

"He will very much be one of my causes, as will all those who need a place in this world. Now, I am removing the child and…"

"Child? That thing is a cold-blooded killer. He will rip out your throat and eat you for lunch! His kind should be exterminated, not coddled!"

Moody pulled Remus to his feet and started walking him to the door, supporting his weight and muttering about fools and their arses. Remus felt his stomach lurch and fought not to vomit.

"Stop," he panted. "Let me down."

Moody lowered him to the floor before lifting one eyelid and studying Remus' face. "What did they give you?"

"I don't know."

"Albus," Moody called back over his shoulder. "Better hurry on."

Albus hurried over to the pair, his robes rustling and disturbing the air around Remus who sucked in his breath as a blurred vision of stars and crescents swirled in front of him.

"Pick him up, Alastor, we need to return to Hogwarts," he said evenly. "I will meet you there, I have unfinished business. If Poppy is in doubt she may check with Hagrid. I fear it is an animal tranquilizer."

"I couldn't get to him. Him all calling me and yelling at the door and the sons of bitches warding me out," Moody muttered, picking up the now unconscious boy and hefting him over his shoulder. "Thanks for coming, Albus."

"His parents?"

"In the Lobby. His mum is hysterical and Dawlish is threatening to call the Daily Prophet."

"Go," Albus turned back at the vet scowling.

Remus woke in the Hogwarts infirmary the next morning. He had a splitting headache and a thirst that he could not quench. Finishing off his third glass of pumpkin juice, and downing another glass of water he sighed and swung his legs over the side of the bed, wincing at the sharp pain he felt on his inner thigh.

Pulling his waist band out he tried to see if the blistering burn was getting worse or starting to heal when he heard Madam Pomfrey's tisking.

"It won't heal if you keep poking at it."

"I'm not, but it hurts like hell."

"Fools," she spat. "Even when you brand a calf a good vet takes away the pain. It is but a little spell. I am sure one Hagrid will know."

"Not a chance," Remus muttered, standing up and looking around for his clothes. "My mum has an old vet wand. I'll do it myself."

"Oh no, you get back in that bed. The Headmaster put himself out on a limb for you. You at least owe him the courtesy of waiting for him before you go running off."

"Not now." He dressed in front of her, not caring if she saw him naked one more time, only anxious to get out of there. He started to run through the infirmary and down the hall, hearing his footfalls echo against the silent stones. His breath caught in his throat and his vision blurred through his tears. He reached the gates and apparated, landing hard, falling on his knees and sobbing, crying hard, remembering the last time he had felt this.

"Tiffany," he sobbed aloud, confusing Lucy's face with Tiffany's name. He knew that he would risk her life if he saw her again, and knew that if he did not, he would lose his own. He lifted his head and looked up at the darkening sky, wishing for a full moon to take away his mind, wanting to forget and run free, to feel the cool grass under his feet and to know, just to know that the wolf was in control.

'


	43. Lucy

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 43**

**Lucy**

**

* * *

**

That summer Rhea worried about Remus. She had never known him to be so quiet and inattentive to his chores and the things that up to now he had taken care of in the summer months. He was more apt to be off alone with his nose shoved in a book than joining his friends in town, or begging for a few pounds to spend at the cinema. She worried about him and John both. Watching them avoid each other, John becoming suddenly interested in his paper, Remus uncomfortably leaving the room, opting to go to bed early, rather than sitting and talking as he had in the past. The house seemed quiet, colder, the meal times silent and the night times quieter still.

Twice she had tried to bring up the subject of Lucy and the rest of the Spencer family, and twice he had walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him, the second time not returning until the sun was coming up over the horizon. She had pretended that she did not care, that he was old enough to be out, that she trusted him, only to sit by the window and watch for him to come walking down the path.

"He is learning his way," John had said.

_Learning his way_, she thought, _just as Marcus learned his_. Wiping the dishes, she gazed out of the window and thought of Marcus, dead now many years, and felt again the pain she had felt at his leaving. She sat at the table and held her head in her hands, knowing that Remus would be gone as well within a year.

"You can't hold on to him forever," John said, leaning down to her ear, his hands resting on her shoulders.

"I want him to be happy. It's all I've ever wanted."

"Don't lie to me. You want him to be like everyone else." He tipped up her chin and looked into her eyes. "You want grandchildren, and noise at the holidays. You want to go shopping in Diagon and brag about how well he does, how handsome he is…all the simple things you should take for granted but will never have."

She sighed, turning her head just enough to kiss the palm of his hand. "When Anthony was taken I thought I would never love another man. I thought that part of me had died with him, before that even. With Greyback. He killed what was between us. Now, I love you more than life. You know that, right?"

"I know," he whispered, "and I never thought I would find someone who would put up with me. Six times in St. Mungo's last year alone."

"Funny. Are you sorry we never had children of our own?" She avoided his eyes as she had tried to avoid his ill-conceived joke.

"I have a son, and you have had two," he said softly. "We have had our hands full with him. Anyway, I would have lost my nerve to explain sex to more than one, and if you'd had a girl I wouldn't know what to do."

"You're right, I do...I did …want more out of life. I wanted to give you children too. I guess I have to grow up and accept it, Remus has. It's never going to be what I want." She sighed, pulling his hand down until he sat at the table with her. "I was thinking of Marcus. I thought of that witch, Rosmerta, how much she gave him, and how, without her he would have died alone. I want that for Remus, I truly do. I want him to … to have a whole life, to have someone accept him for what…and who he is. I don't want him skirting around the edges and being satisfied with the leftovers."

"He can never have it all, you know that, Rhea. Even if he leaves this world, he will never...be normal…have a normal life…be accepted. I know it's not what you want to hear, but it is the truth."

"He is visiting Black today. It's the first time this summer he has. Do you think he…?"

"He is fine. He's not a child any longer. He has the legal right to go and do…"

"But he doesn't. Does he? Werewolves don't have legal rights," she spat in a sudden fit of anger, pulling her hand back from his.

"Rhea," he said harshly, raising his voice. "Let him have his last peace. They branded him. Gods, witch, it is a wonder he is still here. If I were in his place, I would have packed what I could carry on my back and left the same day. I want to tell him to run every time I see him! I can't stand to be in the same fucking room with him and not shake some sense into him! What more do you expect of him? How much more can he give you? He's going to die, Rhea…do you understand where this is going? If he doesn't get the fuck out of here he is going to die!"

"You promised," she clenched her teeth and hissed at him. "Not a word until he finishes school…not one word John Dawlish!"

She pushed away from the table and finished the dishes, shutting off her mind to John's protests, not responding as he continued to talk, not crying until she heard the screen door shut behind him.

.

.

Remus walked around the motorcycle smirking. "Ya know… you are going to get us both killed on that thing."

"Hey," Sirius grinned. "We said we would never live long enough to get old. Hop on, I'll take you for a ride," Sirius jumped on the bike, gunning the engine and jerking his head toward the back.

"What?" Remus shouted over the loud rumble.

"I said…Get on," Sirius yelled back.

Remus shrugged, and throwing his leg over the bike, started to laugh and leaned forward to talk into Sirius' ear just as the cycle lurched forward and thundered off. After the first few minutes Remus decided he preferred brooms, they were cleaner, quieter and more comfortable, and then realized he had never felt so free.

They continued through the countryside, unable to talk over the noise of the motor, going faster as they rode further from the cities. Remus was sheltered from the wind by Sirius' body, only his hair whipping as he sloughed behind Sirius. On a sudden whim, he slapped Sirius on the shoulder, and pointed to an upcoming road, which Sirius turned onto, leaning to the right, using his weight to help turn the monstrous bike.

They continued until Sirius recognized this as the road to the old Spencer farm. Shouting over his shoulder, he felt more than saw Remus' nod, and turned on the third road up to continue on.

"Cluck, cluck, cluck, chicken," Sirius teased as he later cut the engine before crossing the wards to the Spencer farm, and waited for Remus to get off. "Didn't like it?"

"Not even close," Remus smirked. "Now, Padfoot, I don't know a damned thing about bikes, but I do know this one is old enough to have earned a quiet death. Bury it. Say prayers over it. Good Merlin, burn it and get a new one. If I ever get a job I'll even help pay for it."

"I'm going to make it fly," Sirius smirked as he stroked the bike lovingly.

"Yeah, tell me when that thing flies and I'll go catching pigs with you," Remus snorted.

Sirius studied his face before answering. "You seem off, Remus. I haven't seen you all summer, now you …I don't know. Are your folks giving you a rough time?"

"Nah, just got a lot to do this summer," Remus walked to the end of the road, and looked out at the Spencer property, seeing the roof of the house in the distance poking up over a low green hill.

"So, should we leave the bike here and walk in?"

"She won't be home this time of day," Remus lied.

"You seeing much of her?"

"No, haven't seen her…just at the train. What's Potter up to?"

"Trying to get in Lily's kickers," Sirius smirked. "Looked to me as if you would be doing the same thing with Lucy. What? She cut you off?"

"Stop. Listen, I have to get back, I can get home myself if you have other things to do." Remus stepped back and waved Sirius off with a flick of his hand.

"Is she related to the Spencers down at Dover? You know, the ones in the paper? Couple of weeks ago."

"I haven't read it. Mum stopped …What do you mean _the Spencers down in Dover_?"

"Spencer… an old lady was killed." Sirius stopped, seeing Remus' face darken. "She's from Germany, right? Your Lucy is from Germany you said."

"Could be," Remus said tersely. "Go on, what happened?"

"One of Voldy's raids. Guess it was a bad one. Three dead, an old widow woman they said, and a couple of her friends. Didn't say much about them, it was more about the war that is building up. You know, the whole _whatever are we to do_ thing."

"I need to get down there," Remus climbed on the back of the cycle. "Can this thing go off the road?"

"Lucy's a Spencer, right?" Black called back over his shoulder as he grasped the handlebars and prepared to kick-start the bike. "She related you think?"

"I don't know," Remus clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, as the bike lurched forward and roared into life. "I asked you a question."

"Remember Steve McQueen in The Great Escape?"

"Yeah," Remus ground out as the bike left the pavement and started bouncing across the field. "Fuck it, Sirius, just stay away from the fence. I've got enough scars."

"Leather," Sirius called back over his shoulder."

"What?" Remus shouted, leaning forward, trying to hear at the same time as trying to find something to hold on to other than the person in front of him.

"Leather…we need to get you some leather."

Remus gave up the fight for dignity and male pride, wrapped his arms around Sirius and wished he knew what praying was all about.

.

.

Remus ran up the path at the Spencer farm, and pounded on the door, not surprised to see Lucy's face peak out of the window by the door. She hurried and yanked the door open, calling out his name in a tearful rush of relief and longing.

"Remus! I didn't think you would come."

"You should have sent for me. It's true then…your mum?"

"No, but my Grandma, and my Aunt Daisy, and her … companion."

"Companion? What…oh," he stammered, realizing what she meant. "What caused it? Do you know?"

"Not really." She took his hand and led him into the sitting room. "They didn't look for me. I don't think they even knew I was here, so they couldn't have been after me."

"What?" His stomach fell as he grabbed her arm and held her firmly in place. "You were there?"

"Grandma pushed me down into the cellar. I…I heard it, but …I was scared so I hid. I couldn't do anything. I wanted to…but…I can't…I can't use magic…and…," she stammered, her eyes filling with tears.

"Was your aunt…?"

"My aunt is …was a big mouth complainer about everything from the condition of the pavement in Diagon, to the quality of parchment used by the Ministry for their mailings. She delighted in making enemies and was not shy about it."

"Put that with her sexual orientation and Vol...he-who-we-hate singled her out."

"That and her companion was Muggle," she choked. "I don't get it. They wouldn't have hurt a fly. They were good people! They would have done anything...for anyone. They lived in a Muggle area. They didn't even spend much time in the wizard areas. How could they have been a threat? Because they lived together? Because they didn't hide who they were?"

He flopped down on the sofa, pulling her with him. "I'm sorry, Lucy. It must have been hard to hear what was going on and not…"

"And not be able to help? Yeah, yeah it was. It all happened so fast."

"What are you going to do now? Are you and you mum sticking around? If not, it may be safer to stay in a Wizarding area here."

"We're going home. My real home I told you about, in Germany, only we don't … or didn't…spend a lot of time there. Grandma's house, and this one," she waved her hand to indicate the house, "was where my father grew up. It belongs to my uncle now. Mum says he will probably get the Dover house as well, and since I…he won't let us stay in it. I know I lied to you, but…we …Mum wanted to hide me…so …I went to Grandma's more than home to Germany. She thought it was better if no one really knew where we were, we just keep moving."

Remus put his hand under her chin and studied her face. "Will he let you stay here? It is safer than being on your own in another country."

"I won't. Not without my mum and she's in town getting portkeys made, she refuses to stay." She turned away from him nervously.

"If he is family he…"

"He makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it is my imagination…but I don't think so."

Remus watched her face and saw her look of disgust. "Has he ever touched you?"

"No," she shook her head adamantly, "not like that… not…sexually. I would have run screaming if he did something like that, no…its…something…I can't explain. He …he watches. He goes off late at night and doesn't come home sometimes for a couple of days. When he does it looks like he's been fighting."

"You think he is in with them?"

"That or against them. How can you tell anymore? I keep thinking about him…it would mean that he turned in his own mother. Gods, Remus, how could someone do that?"

"I don't know. You can't trust anyone. Lucy…" he frowned and leaned down, kissing her full on he mouth, surprised when she threw her arms around him and deepened the kiss.

"Merlin, I've missed you," he muttered into her mouth.

"I kept waiting for you," she whispered back.

Remus felt his arms go around her, pulling her tightly into him, his hands kneading the flesh of her back and sides, sliding down to her arse and grasping her, pulling her even closer as his mouth covered hers, swallowing her saliva and tasting the salt of her tears.

"Lucy," he whispered huskily, "We shouldn't be doing this. Not like this. Not now. I just heard, just today while I was talking to Sirius. I would have come sooner."

"Your mum doesn't know you came?" Lucy pushed him away and stood up, turning her back on him while she wiped her tears.

"I just heard. Lucy, look at me. I wasn't home, but even if I was I would have come once I heard what happened."

"So I should be glad Grandma died because it made you come to see me despite your mother? Fuck off Remus!"

"Did I say that?" Remus asked surprised, jumping to his feet. "I couldn't make it sooner."

"You've had a month to apparate to the ridge and walk twenty minutes," she said coldly. "Listen, I was wrong to meet you at the station. We had a good time over the hols, but that's it. I guess I just made it out to be more than it was. I guess I didn't think of you as a mummy's boy."

He fought not to grab her and ran his hands down the sides of his trousers to dry his sweaty palms, not knowing what to say, or how to answer. He couldn't tell her about the Ministry, he couldn't yet say aloud what they had done to him, how they had branded him, how the laws would prevent him from ever being more then the kid that lived in a ratty little farm at the top of the second ridge.

"You better go. Your _mother_ will be looking for you," she said coldly. "You friend is waiting, and if my uncle sees that thing he is riding on the farm you'll both be walking home."

"Lucy, don't, not…"

"Leave." She pulled the door open and held it, waiting for him. "Next time you want to talk to me ask your mother first. I am sure she will send me a polite little note telling me to say clear of her baby."

"Listen to me." He stopped in front of her, waiting for her to look up at him. When she didn't, he cupped her face in his hands and brought her head up to his. "I want to see you. I do, but I won't put you at risk. You know about me, you know how dangerous it is."

"Sure," she spat, pulling her head forcibly from his hands. "So dangerous you run around with a Pettigrew and a Black but won't see me because your mum tells you _I'm _no good. What does she think of them? So tell me, Remus, whose side are you on?"

He stepped back as if she had slapped him, unable to comprehend where the venom he had heard in her voice came from. He looked at Sirius who sat on the bike, his face lowered to the ground, in his attempt to give them some privacy and slowly walked down the steps.

"You ready?"

"Yeah," Sirius answered, lifting his head and getting ready to jump-start the engine. "Didn't go well?"

"Remember when we took the goat?" Remus smirked as he climbed back on the bike. "I think we can walk in the front door now. You got any money?"

"Be better in the city, somewhere Muggle," Sirius grinned. "How about picking up the others? We can make a night of it, check out some new pubs."

"Sure," Remus said, looking back over his shoulder, seeing Lucy standing in the doorway, looking after him. "Just get me away from here."

.

.

"So, what do you think your mum heard?" Peter sat with his head down, his arms on the table, running his finger down the bottle of beer, watching the condensation bead up before running in small rivulets to the table. "It's not like her to get all worked up over nothing."

"He's right. Your mum must have had a good reason to think it was Lucy that turned you in." Potter leaned back, tipped his head up and drained the last swallow from his bottle.

"Not always," Sirius muttered. "Parents hear what they want."

"She's never said." Remus sat hunched over the table, his elbows resting on the table, his hands in his hair. "She just keeps saying to stay away from her. I should have just told her to fuck off."

"The Spencers are a strange group," Peter offered, looking up at each in turn. "Well, they are. That old woman was queer. Didn't say so in the paper but everyone knew it. And the old widow lady, she used to go to this Muggle church and…don't look at me like that…she did. I heard that her Parson even preached against witchcraft and stuff. Maybe Lucy slipped up and said something to her."

"They all do that idiot." Potter slapped him on the back of the head. "There's not a church out there that would like us."

"She wouldn't have, I know she didn't tell anyone." Remus leaned back, holding his full bottle loosely in his hand, keeping his eyes lowered as if examining it. "That's the strange part. I know it wasn't her, but I still stayed away from her. I should have at least…something…told her to bugger off…anything but …nothing."

"You…you must have some doubt." Sirius studied his face, saw his slight grimace and knew he had hit a sore spot.

"Yeah, I guess. It's her or one of you guys," he sighed loudly. "Only others are up at Hogwarts, and even Snape wouldn't risk breaking his word and getting kicked out. From what I hear he has less of a home to run to then you do, Sirius."

"Could be one other," Peter said in a near whisper. "That is if you believe the rumours that Greyback is in with … what's his name."

Remus brought his head up and locked eyes with Peter. "What do you think?"

"I think…yeah, it could be. Who else knows? Who else would have something to gain?"

"If he did," Potter said excitedly, "that means every one on …what's his name's side knows. Holy shite, Remus, you're fucked!"

Sirius leaned forward and whispered, "He's right, Moony. Your mum is way off here, she's got Lucy all mixed up with…"

"No, she doesn't. The Spencers are in it too. At least her uncle is." Remus stood up and started to dig in his pocket, only to look at Sirius sheepishly.

"Go on, Potter's got it," Black grinned.

"Me!?"

"Bloody hell, you are the only one with a vault. Peter here doesn't get a sickle till he turns twenty-five, Remus doesn't have one, and mine is locked tighter than a witch's knees."

"Speaking of which," James stood up and threw his money on the table, "I have a date."

"Still trying, hey Prongs?" Peter laughed standing with him.

"One of these days she is going to see my other prong, if you get my meaning," James said seriously.

Remus rolled his eyes, but couldn't help grinning. He felt Sirius' arm drape over his shoulder and together they walked to the curb where the bike waited.

"Ya know you can't take this back to school." Remus climbed on the back, waiting for Sirius.

"Hagrid is going to hide it for me."

"I don't know," Remus said with a hint of caution. "Better off at the Potter's place."

Sirius snorted a bark of laughter. "You ever spend any time with Prong's old man? Fuck, he rides it as much as I do."

"Sirius?" Remus said softly as his friend leaned to the side to gun the engine. "They branded me. Like a bloody animal."

"Fuck." Sirius turned around frowning, studying his face. "You left that part out, Moony."

"I…I needed to tell someone."

Sirius nodded and turned back to look forward, swallowing hard, he grasped the handlebars, brought up his right leg, and slammed it down, starting the engine, and roaring off into the dark.


	44. Together

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**A/N: This chapter is a M. I have not done so at this time for the readers that look for it in their search engines under the T rating. So, in the future you will have to click on the M rating to find it. Sorry for any inconvenience.  
**

* * *

**His Calling**

**Chapter 44**

**Together**

**

* * *

**

Remus spent whole days walking along the streets of London, enjoying the anonymity that the crowds and congested streets gave him. He felt free to lift his head and enter lifts, free to smile at girls that caught his eye and free to pretend that he was normal. He would sometimes find himself close to the Ministry and wondered what John would say knowing that he was on the pavements above, or if he and Moody had drawn the short straw, pulling clean-up duty after another attack.

On a couple of occasions, he had walked on the grounds of the University, watching the students and wondering if it were not for the war if he would even now be studying to gain admission. He had lowered to the ground in the shade of one of the many trees, pulled off his shoes and laid back, pretending for just one afternoon that he belonged.

Today, like all days, he was unable to forget what waited at home. How Rhea would question him, how he would walk by her, head for his room and wait until Sirius or Peter showed up on their brooms, hovering just outside his window. He had heard his mother's crying and John's low-soothing voice, trying to calm her, knowing she cried because of him.

Walking into Diagon alley he bought Rhea's favourite peppermint and white chocolate bark. He watched it being dropped into a plain paper sack, not even having enough for a fancy box and gift-wrap, as the last of his coins slid into the cash drawer before looking up.

"Thanks." He grinned, suddenly knowing what he would do. "I need to get to Hogsmeade. Is your floo open to the public?"

"Only to Honeydukes." The clerk waved him toward the fireplace. "Welcome to it."

"Thanks," Remus said, rushing to the floo, grabbing a handful of power and throwing it down laughing.

As soon as the flames delivered him, he all but ran out the door and up the road to The Three Broomsticks where he found Rosmerta in the kitchen surrounded by the smells of cinnamon and yeast.

"Do you live in this room?" He laughed, tossing his sack down and grabbing her shoulders, kissing her on both cheeks before releasing her.

"Well, look whose good enough to come calling." She swatted him on the shoulder. "When did you go getting so big young man?"

"Last night," he chuckled and sat down on one of the stools she kept at the kitchen counter. "I need something. I know I haven't been around this past year for work, but I could use some now."

"I see," Rosmerta narrowed her eyes and looked at him oddly. "Paying your way out of…"

"No, no trouble this time," he laughed. "You wound me. I want to take my mum and dad out for dinner and thought we could barter. It's her birthday next week and I thought we could come in for tea. She likes it here, and…listen, I need someplace she won't start yelling."

"Does this have anything to do with your…problem? Because if it does this may not be the best place to bring her."

"Well, yes and no. Ro, it's the perfect place."

Rosmerta felt her heart skip a beat as she heard Marcus's nickname for her slip from his lips, and him looking so much like his brother. She turned back to the counter, upended a bowel of raised dough and started punching it with her fist. "Upstairs hall could use a coat of paint. Make sure you finish it clear down the steps."

"Paint in the cellar?"

"Yep, right where I left it the first time you said you'd do it." She smiled hearing him start toward the cellar door. "So, Remus, I take it this is a dinner for four?"

"She's beautiful, Ro. She's the niece of old man Spencer, but you'll like her. She's smart, and funny…she can make you feel comfortable just by being around. She makes me…"

"It's not me you have to convince," she said laughing, wiping her hands on her apron and turning to look at him.

"I don't have to convince anyone." He started to the stairs, stopping in the doorway and looking back at her suddenly serious. "Would you do it again? Knowing he would die young…would you still do it?"

"You are not like him, Remus." She scowled and turned her back on him. "Yes."

"Thought so." He laughed and started back down the steps, his heels hitting the wooden risers and echoing back up to the kitchen.

.

.

That Saturday he strode up to the Spencer house and pounded on the door, waiting for Lucy to pull back the curtain and peek at him again, instead he heard her call his name and turned to see her standing in the barn door.

"What do you want Lupin?"

"You alone?" He asked jogging across the yard and standing in front of her.

"Yes, if it is any business of yours."

"Good," he said softly. "I wanted to do this."

He reached both hands to the back of her head and pulled her mouth to his, stepping closer and standing up just enough to make her put her hands on his chest to keep her balance. Not releasing her, but moving her head back to look into her face he grinned at her expression.

"I've wasted enough time. Bloody hell, summer's almost over," he said as the breath rushed out of his lungs. "I've been an arse."

"You most certainly have." She pushed him away and studied his face, before tuning back into the barn. "I have work to do."

"What?"

"Why? Do you plan on helping?" she said flatly, keeping her eyes off him and her face turned away, hoping she was not as red as she felt.

"No, I have my wand. I plan on doing it so I can have more time to kiss you."

She grinned, shook her head and pointed to a wall full of tack gear. "Those need oiling and then I have to…umm…I have to fix Lucifer's stall."

"Lucifer?"

"The team's lead, he is a right bastard when he puts his mind to it. Kicked out the…"

"Lucy," Remus whispered, putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her to face him. "Stop. I came to grovel."

"Then you'd better start before I send you packing," she spat. "If you think you can just waltz in here and…"

He again grabbed her head and brought her mouth to his, this time he felt her arms circle his neck and pull him down, and her step close, moulding her body to his as he lowered his arms and held her.

She clung to him in desperation, afraid that he would stop, at the same time afraid he would not. Releasing his neck with one hand, she repositioned it in his hair, gasping him hard, and pulled him back to her mouth as she pressed herself against him, feeling his erection through the fabric of his trousers.

"I want you," he said, and hearing his own voice, he knew it sounded like begging, and didn't care.

She pulled back her head, searching his face, and nodded her consent. "I've never done this before," she whispered.

"Neither have I," he admitted, looking into her eyes and trying to smile, only managing to look sheepish and scared. We should… we should get a potion for you first."

"My mum has…there is some in her…the bedside table."

He took her hand and led her back to the house, down the hallway, and watched as she opened the nightstand drawer in what was obviously her mother's bedroom, took out a vial and drank it.

"Come here," Remus said evenly from the doorway, delighted as she walked to him, unbuttoning her blouse as she did. He leaned down to kiss her, grabbed her hand and dragged her across the hall to her bedroom and to the small narrow bed.

"Will you turn around while I get undressed?" She bit her lip and looked down at the floor, avoiding his face.

He tore his eyes away from her open blouse, and turned his back, unbuttoning his shirt and toeing off his shoes. He started to loosen his belt then stopped, and waited to make sure she hadn't changed her mind.

"Remus? " She put her hand on his back, signalling to him that she was ready.

"You are beautiful," he rasped out, wanting to move her hair from where it lay covering her breast.

"Don't, don't say that," she again reached her arms around his neck and pulled him down to touch his lips lightly with hers, "I… I'm not."

"Yes," he murmured, his mouth falling to hers again, one hand in the middle of her back, pressing her to him. "I…I'll try not to hurt you."

He hugged her as he walked her backwards to the bed, letting the edge hit the back of her knees and forcing her to sit. Leaning over her, he kissed her as he pressed her shoulders back, forcing her to lie down. He straightened as she moved to the middle of the bed, and pushed his trousers down, hesitating as he looked away. .

Before joining her in bed, he lifted his hand and closed the curtains, darkening the room in hopes of making her more comfortable with his own nudity and taking a deep breath, he crawled to join her, pushing her legs apart as he knelt between them. Lying down over her, putting his weight on his elbows he let his erection lie on her lower stomach as he kissed her.

"Remus," she moaned. "Please…"

"Shhh," he whispered into her mouth. "I'll be careful."

He crawled down until he could kiss her breasts, gently taking a nipple in his mouth he nipped it lightly with his teeth, then grinning at her reaction he began to suck it, feeling her arch her back as the nipple became harder. Shifting his attention to her other breast, he covered the one he had already enjoyed with his hand, kneading and stroking her. His other hand snaked down to her clitoris, wanting to touch her, to feel every part of her.

He snapped his eyes to her face when he felt her stiffen and saw her eyes squeezed shut. Removing his hand, he slid back up until once again her head was between his elbows.

"I'm sorry. You need to talk to me. If you don't want me to do something… tell me. Here," he grabbed her pillow and pulled it from behind her head, "lift up your hips."

He moved back on his knees, watching the dark patch between her legs as she did, wanting to run his hand between her legs and feel her. Instead, he grabbed his erection and squeezed, fighting not to climax before he had even entered her.

"Fuck," he sighed after she had the pillow positioned, "you have no idea what you are doing to me."

"Did I do something wrong?" She rose up on her elbows to look down at him.

"No," he leaned forward, pushing her back. "It's me. We can't always… you know…wait the way girls do."

"Oh."

"Oh?" he said with a grin, putting his forehead to hers, he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, his erection at her centre. "Try holding my shoulders."

She nodded and did as he asked and looked into his eyes with such trust that Remus was rendered speechless. He entered her slowly, felt a barrier and paused, studying her face as her eyes grew large, and her hands quickly moved to his chest, fingers splayed as if ready to push him away.

"It hurts," she panted. "Remus…what…"

He shoved into her hard and deep, then held still waiting for her to accept him, to not push him away, afraid that he had indeed hurt her, uncertain of what to do, only able to think about holding still and not ejaculating.

"Are you okay?" he asked fearfully, barely able to control his ragged voice.

"Yes," she gasped. "Hurry, please…. Hurry."

He lowered his head to her neck as he began to move his hips in what was the most natural movement he had ever felt. He closed his eyes and could only feel her wetness and warmth, the tightness and her skin on his, her erect nipples brushing against him each time he slide down to withdraw and again when he thrust in deeper. Without warning, he stiffened and climaxed, hearing the roar of blood in his ears. His hips jerked as his mouth sought hers and his arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her up as he rose to his knees, taking her up with him in a rush of emotion he had never felt and did not understand. He held her until he could breath evenly, then pulled her back far enough to see her face, surprised to see her face wet with tears.

"I hurt you." He pulled out of her, his hands trembling, rolling to her side, and removed the pillow, flipping it over as he tucked it back under her head. "I… I am sorry, Lucy. I didn't know I was hurting you. You should have…"

"You didn't, just ….you know, at the beginning… and a little when you…you know….when you finished."

"What's wrong then? What did I do?" He sat up, running his hand through his hair, suddenly scared that something had gone horribly wrong.

"Nothing," she sniffed, "I did it wrong."

"Wrong, Lucy…you were perfect. Outstanding as a matter of fact. Better than I imagined. Brilliant. Really, you were…"

"Stop," she craned her neck and looked back over her shoulder, tears welling in her eyes. "You imagined this?"

"You have no idea how often," he lay on his side in the narrow bed and pulled her back to his chest. "You did fine. It was me. I should have been able to go slower. But…by the time I was in you I couldn't wait. You are embarrassed. You shouldn't be. It was my fault."

"Is it always this bad the first time?"

"Ummm… Yeah, I guess. It was bad?"

"Well, it wasn't what I would call good."

Remus laughed and pulled her over to her back, kissing her soundly. "I would. I do. I will. It was wonderful. I want to do it again."

"With me?"

"Of course with you." He scowled down at her. "Who else do I love?"

"You love me?"

"Lucy, I am in bed with you. We just had sex. Of course I love you."

"You never said it."

"You never asked."

"Git."

"You know I love you. Right?"

"Yes."

"Do you… me?"

"Remus, I am in bed with you. We just had sex. Of course I love you," she said flatly, repeating his words.

"Thought so," he grinned. "So, you want to shower or … we could…umm."

"Yeah, I want to umm."

"I thought so," he said, kissing her softly, then laying down his head and spooning into her again. "Let me rest up just a few minutes."

He kissed her shoulder and hugged her, moving his hips back to keep the semen that still dripped from touching her, wondering how to politely clean himself without offending her. Unsure if it was right to offer to clean her as well, he moved his top hand over her hips and silently mouthed the incantation before turning his hand to his own problem.

"Thanks," she whispered.

"Shhh," he hushed her, relieved she did not act embarrassed at what he had done. "Are you okay now?"

She nodded and hugged his arms that encircled her, tears slowly slipping from the corner of her eyes to fall onto the pillow. "I don't know why I am crying. I'm sorry. I just…I can't stop."

"Shhh, its okay. A lot has happened and now this. I should have waited."

She shook her head and sighed deeply. "Stay with me. I don't want to be alone."

"I don't plan on running off. Lucy, look at me, turn around." He waited until she had wiggled around to face him. "I didn't do this just because you were wiling or I was…you know. I wanted to do this before. I just didn't know how to ask you. Don't think I don't love you, or that…"

She placed her hand over his mouth. "I know, Remus, I know. I thought after what your mum said you would hate me."

"Why should I?" he said stiffly, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, turning his back to her.

"She thinks I gave you up to the Ministry. Isn't that what she told you?"

"Not exactly, she hasn't come right out and said it."

"Oh, well… yeah she did. She accused me of it and said that no one else would have done it… that since I had only known you for such a short time it..."

"Forget her," Remus sat sideways and frowned down at her.

"Listen to me, Remus," she said, having clutched the sheet to her breasts when she sat up to join him. "I had only been back a couple of days when she accused me. It hurt. It hurt like bloody hell. But, I've been thinking. Maybe she is right about my being bad for you. Whatever happened here…whoever it was that turned you in…I don't want them to know you. I don't have anyone one else left that I trust or …I don't want to put you at risk. If my uncle finds out…shite, I don't even trust my mum anymore. She has started going to the meetings with him."

"You are worried about putting me at risk." He grinned. "This here werewolf has already been found out. I don't think my being seen with a squib is going to hurt my reputation any more than it already is. Now, we better get dressed before your uncle has my arse."

She nodded and quickly scrambled out of bed, waiting until he turned around before putting her clothes on.

"Umm, Lucy," he smirked, peeking over his shoulder. "I've seen it already."

"Pratt."

"No, wolf," he grinned.

"I need to get into town," she gasped, snapping her head up to his, her eyes full of fear. "I have to replace that potion."

"I'll take care of it," he said softly, tracing her lips with the pad of his thumb. "I won't let anything happen. I told you that."

"You would do that?"

"It's for me as much as you," he admitted, colouring slightly. "Anyway, we will be in Hogsmeade tonight anyway."

"Don't you dare buy it there," she hissed. "Everyone will know. They find out and you…"

"Okay," he nodded, swallowed hard and began thinking furiously where he could get hold of a contraceptive potion without the Ministry finding out. "Fuck."

"I have a doctor in the city," she said hopefully. "I can get the pill."

"Lucy, I …you'll have to." He avoided her eyes as he pulled his jumper back on. "Sorry, I should have thought this out better."

"Is it because of your…your…what the hell do I call it?"

"The guys call it my furry little problem." He grinned and yanked her into his chest. "Now it's your problem too. If we get caught …if they find out about us…they…it …"

"They will take you to a vet? I've read the laws, Remus. I shouldn't have let you do this."

"I wanted to. I still want to." He sighed into the top of her head, already feeling the stirrings in his trousers. "We just have to be careful."

"What about your mum? Do you plan on telling her we are seeing each other?"

"Oh, about that, we are having dinner."

.

.


	45. A Table for Four

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 45**

**A Tab****le for Four**

**

* * *

**

Lucy tugged at her skirt feeling odd and out of place as they approached the Three Broomsticks. "I should have worn the blue dress."

"Stop that, you look fine," Remus grinned.

"It's too short. She'll think I'm cheap."

"It's not like she has never seen you before."

"Yeah, but that was when she liked me, and she thought I was cheap then. Now she's going to come out and say it."

Remus swallowed hard as he reached out for the door handle, only just thinking at that moment that he might have made a mistake. "Lucy, if you would rather not do this I'll understand."

"Then you shouldn't have gotten them a table by the window."

Remus turned back and looked around the edge of the door, seeing Rhea and John already seated, Rhea looking right at him through the window. Trying to muster a smile, he yanked the door open and stood aside as Lucy walked in ahead of him. Taking up her arm, he led her to the table, pulled out her seat, and waited until she was situated before sitting next to her, putting John opposite him and Rhea to his right.

"So," Rhea leaned back, "I take it this is not solely for my birthday."

"Happy Birthday," Lucy said, forcing a smile.

"Thank you," Rhea answered with a short clipped voice.

"Good evening, Mr. Dawlish."

"Lucy." He nodded at her but kept his eyes on Remus. "I must say this is a surprise."

Rosmerta slid a platter of starters onto the table, placed a small plate in front of each of them, then levitated four wine glasses and a full bottle to them.

"We don't drink," Rhea said tersely, lifting an eyebrow at Remus.

"You may before the afters," Rosmerta smirked. "Now enjoy. Dinner will be out in a bit."

"Do you drink, Lucy?" Rhea adjusted the napkin on her lap, keeping her eyes down and her jaw clenched.

"Just when I'm planning on taking on the whole Quidditch team."

John sprayed a mouthful of water on the table and Remus started to laugh as Rhea snapped her head up to meet Lucy's eyes.

"I thought we could just get it out in the open," Lucy said coldly. "That's where this is going, isn't it? You're going to accuse me of being a flirt, because you would never say the word slut out loud. Then you'll say I'm not good enough for your son, questioning my loyalty, and then the piece-de-resistance…that I turned him in to the Ministry. So let's just skip the pleasantries and get to the end. It's faster that way and I want to enjoy my meal. I don't get out all that often, regardless of what you think. That and the Quidditch team don't feed me."

"Son, I don't think this is such a good idea," John said, with a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"I thought it would work better here." Remus looked from Rhea to Lucy and back to John. "Mum won't hex her and Lucy won't yell…much."

"Might work." John reached for the bottle as both women glared at him. "Come on, Remus, you and I need to sit up at the bar for a while."

"Oh, no you don't," Rhea grabbed the bottle from him and slammed it back on the table. "And you young man, you know I don't approve of …of her being here."

"Mum," he started, felt Lucy's hand on his and saw the small shake of her head. "I don't need your approval. This is about Lucy and me. Last summer you two got along fine, so I know it's not her but something has crawled up your…"

"Remus," Lucy hissed.

"Something has changed and you are wrong. Now you either get over it or…" he stopped talking looking back at Lucy, "I plan on seeing her with or without your approval."

"I told him we just wouldn't tell you," Lucy admitted. "He…he wouldn't hear of it."

"John, you talk to him, he won't listen to me."

"Lucy, do you know what Rhea is worried about?"

"My family? That Remus could rip my throat out? That he-who-must-not-be-named may come after us? That I am a squib?" she asked angrily. "I can't change any of those things. Do you think I don't worry about the same things?"

"Obviously not," Rhea spat. "You don't know how hard it has been to get him this far."

"Mum, I am right here."

"No, no I don't," Lucy spat back, completely ignoring Remus who tugged on her sleeve. "Do you have any idea that we are of age and don't need your permission to see each other? Do you know how awful it is to live up at that place and know that my uncle is against everything I am? To know that if he did know about, Remus he would do more than just turn him in? Do you know that I used to look forward to my summers just so I could spend time at your place? Now you hate me and I don't even know why! What have I done to you? Do you think I will contaminate him or something? That if he touches me he will roll over and run to Vole…him?"

"Someone …someone turned him in. Someone that…"

"Rhea," John said sternly. "Lucy, I'm sorry, but we know that it was someone from around here. The message came through the Ministry's floo network…we could tell the distance and it matches your uncle's farm. The only other floo with the same measurement is our own."

"He didn't know, I tell you there was no way he could have found out. If he had known, he never would have had you help repair the roof and given you that feed and you know it as well as I do. I'm not saying he wouldn't do it, because he would…but he didn't because he doesn't know."

"We think he has been using you too …Lucy, I'm sorry."

"No, he wouldn't do that. I know he is…" she choked, and lowered her head, "this was a bad idea. It doesn't matter what I say."

"Lucy, you said yourself your mum has been going to the meetings with him," Remus said softly.

"We are back to this," she sighed throwing her napkin on the table. "For that to be true it would mean he turned on his own mother, his own sister. I agree with you that he is going over to …that bastard's side…but to think he would turn in his own family…I can't believe it."

"Lucy," John said, taking her hand in his and looking up at Remus, "is it possible that your mother is doing more than just attending meetings? After all, she was left with nothing when your father died. Perhaps she is …"

"It wouldn't be the first time a widow went after her brother-in-law," Rhea joined in. "I know how hard it can be with no income and no idea where to turn. She has a daughter that she needs to hide. It would be a short reach to think she would be better off with a new husband, one that could keep her secret."

"Mother!" Remus hissed.

"I meant nothing by it, Remus, I really didn't. Even if it is not Lucy, it is someone close to her…someone that she talks with. Maybe without even realizing it she is putting you at risk."

"Have you ever thought it is I that puts her at risk?" Remus leaned his arms on the table and studied his mother's face. "Mum, it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does! John, please talk sense into them!"

"Fine," John turned to Lucy and smiled, then reached in his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. "Never fall in love with anyone that is, or has, a werewolf in the family. Above all, remember, whom you associate with in this world will determine your future. Did I miss anything, Rhea? Oh, I forgot to mention, I was passed over for that supervision position again."

"Oh, John, how can they…" she paused and looked at Lucy, then back to John, "because of me?"

"Here you go," Rosmerta chirped. "Your son here put in the order last week. I hope…Rhea? Are you okay?"

"Yes," Rhea dabbed her eyes with the napkin. "I guess my son has a…girlfriend I have to get to know better."

"It's about time," Rosmerta sighed, winking at Lucy. "You don't want these two sneaking around, you better learn quickly."

"Good Merlin," Rhea muttered, as Rosmerta walked away. "John, I'm sorry. I know how you wanted that slot. Maybe next time?"

"No, I think it was for the good. Things are changing at the Ministry. People are … let's talk about this later," he smiled thinly and poured four glasses of the wine. "Rosmerta is right. We could all do with a glass of this."

"It's okay, Mum," Remus said. "I don't think it is you this time."

"Remus?" Lucy tugged his sleeve and turned her head to the side, waiting until he lowered his ear before whispering. "My mum knows that we are having dinner. Maybe… what your mum said…do you think?"

"Shhh, we are fine." Turning back to the table, he picked up his fork and nodded to his mother. "It's getting cold. Rosmerta made a pudding for dessert."

"Remus!" Lucy hissed again, waiting for him to lean back down to her ear. "Then it's Greyback."

"Fine, fine," John grinned. "Unless you two want to keep going at each other, then Remus and I will have a takeaway and you two can…"

"Knock it off," Rhea said, giving him her best shut up look. "Pudding is fine."

"So, Happy Birthday, Mum," Remus grinned and draped his arm around Lucy's shoulder, ignoring the comment about the werewolf, not seeing John's pained expression.

"So, Lucy," Rhea said taking a sip of her wine, "did our Remus tell you about what the Ministry did to him?"

"Not now," Remus hissed.

"No, I think she needs to know exactly what she is in for."

"Listen, I wanted to do this for Remus, but you aren't going to let up are you?" Lucy said, putting her napkin on the table as she pushed back her chair, only stopped when Remus put his hand over hers.

"I said…not…now," Remus hissed, slow and deliberately.

"They branded him. Like an animal. A brand to identify his body, if he is ever found dead and cannot transform back. Did you know that dear?"

"Remus?" Lucy choked, turning to study his face.

"It doesn't matter, not really," he said to her, searching her face. "Let it go."

"Rhea, that's enough," John said tersely.

"I asked you, did you know that." Rhea kept pushing.

"No," Lucy said, not taking her eyes off Remus. "Is it true?"

"Yes, but …you know the laws, you said you'd read them."

"I …yes, I guess…I …I should leave."

"No, Lucy, don't do this," Remus pleaded, looking to John for help when he saw her tears start.

"Does it bother you to know he has been branded?" John asked.

"No, but he…he didn't tell me…he…" she turned to Remus, "you didn't tell me."

"I'm sorry, Lucy," he said looking at John, not knowing what the problem was.

"If he had told you? What then?" Rhea asked, looking between the two.

"I don't give a crap about that, but he…"she turned to Remus, "you thought it would make a difference? Remus, how could you?"

"Mum, that's enough." Remus clenched his jaw and stood up, pulling out Lucy's chair as she stood. "I wanted this to go better. I guess I was the fool."

"Remus, sit down and, Rhea, shut your mouth. I want to enjoy my dinner and I am sure Lucy wants to crawl into a hole right about now. So, unless you want me to send you a howler I suggest you sit."

Remus couldn't help but grin, remembering the howler he had sent.

"I should be going, Mr. Dawlish, this isn't going to solve anything. I thought she would see that I … I need to go." She yanked her arm away from Remus and hurried outside, running to the apparation point.

"Thanks," Remus said sarcastically, throwing down his napkin. "This doesn't change anything, Mum, nothing."

He ran after her, catching her just as she reached the corner, and pulling her into his side, took her in a side-a-long apparation to the ridge at the beginning of her uncle's property.

"That went well," she said thinly, stepping away from him.

"At least we know it's not you," he tried to joke. "She doesn't trust your family but she…"

"You're right, she wouldn't like any girl you took up with. How stupid of me to take her seriously."

"Dad will talk to her. He has a way of calming her down."

"I thought he would be the biggest problem. You know, him being an Auror and all."

"No, it's Mum. Come over here," he said leading her to a level patch of ground then taking off his outer robes for her to sit on.

He flopped down on the ground, pulled her down next to him, and told her the story of Marcus and his father and explained how Rosmerta figured into everything. It was the first time he could talk about his family and his history and felt a sense of relief and in being able to do so. Lucy sat quietly, letting him wander in his story, not interrupting although questions raced through her mind. When Remus finally finished she leaned into him for a kiss, and felt his hands on her shoulders, pushing her to the ground.

"We shouldn't…not here."

"Where?" he asked in a husky whisper, leaning down and capturing her mouth again.

"I have a doctor's appointment next week. The clinic in Manchester. We need to wait."

"I'll take you."

"You don't have to," she looked up and smirked at him.

"Good," he sighed a breath of relief. "I mean…I will if you want me to. But I would feel like a bloody idiot sitting in a room full of woman all there to get on the pill."

"There is a coffee shop not far. Would you wait there? They said it only takes a few minutes. No, on second thought I'll go alone."

"I said…"

She put her hand over his mouth and studied his face. "I know you did, but you don't have to. It is easy in the Muggle world, a lot easier than here and if you are being monitored you don't need to be running off to a Muggle area."

"You're sure? I'll do it if you want."

"I love you Remus Lupin," she laughed.

"You did well tonight, standing up to her I mean."

"She is worried about you. I think it's about you, not me. She wouldn't trust any girl you liked."

"Liked?" He grinned and pulled her into his arms. "I think I more than like you."

"I got a potion and put it back in the nightstand," she whispered.

"Where from?" He sat up and ran his hand through his hair. "Lucy, you have to be …"

"I know, I was careful. I got it from Knockturn, there is a little…"

"Merlin," he sighed and grabbed her shoulders. "Don't ever go there. Do you hear me? I told you I would take care of it. At least give me credit for…"

"I was careful. No one saw me. I wore a cloak and kept my hood up."

"Promise me. Promise me you will never go there again."

"I'll go where I want. I am not sitting around and let them ruin my life. That bloody monster is not going to dictate to me."

"Vole…he-who-must-not-be-named is getting stronger. Lucy, you have to be careful."

"Remus?" she said, nodding toward the road and the rumble of an engine.

"It's Sirius." He stood up and reached his hand down to pull her up, then tucked her hair behind her ear. "You are beautiful."

"Not now," she said reddening, pulling him toward the path.

"Moony…sorry about coming here but I need to talk."

"Sure. Lucy, do you want me to see you to the door?"

"Bloody hell, that's all I need, my Mum seeing you, I've been through enough tonight," Lucy said, before running off to her uncle's house. "Remus? Tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you then," he said watching her go before turning back to Sirius. "So what's up?"

"I came by to talk but your mum said you were taking Lucy home so I thought I'd find you up here."

"You couldn't wait? Where are the guys?"

"Prongs is in Diagon with his folks picking up supplies, and Peter's sulking. Want to have some fun?"

"Sulking about what?" Remus chuckled, pulling off his dress robes and tucking them in the saddlebags.

"Some Muggle chick gave him the shove off speech."

"Third one this summer," Remus frowned. "He really needs to slow down. I think he scares 'em off."

"He'd scare me off and I know him," Sirius snorted.

"I should hope so, I thought you liked the chicks," Remus laughed. "You need to stop taking him to those places. He tries too hard to act like a Muggle and comes off looking like a fool."

"I seem to remember a fool that liked cherries." Sirius slapped him on the back as he walked around the bike. "Have you had any lately?"

"Shut up," Remus muttered.

"Too bad, she is about the hottest thing around here."

"I'm warning you."

"So if you aren't getting anyplace with her maybe I should give her a go. You know, turn on the old Black charm. Get her heels up in the air."

Remus turned from the saddlebags and levelled him with the look, then rolled his eyes when Sirius put his head back and began laughing.

"I knew it!" Sirius laughed, swinging his leg over and getting ready to start the bike. "So, your mum is okay with her now? If not I will be glad to take her off your hands, or rather take your hands off of her."

"Padfoot, you don't quit, do you?" Remus laughed. "Okay, so spit. What are you up here for?"

"The Potters are going to a safe house. They got a threat." Sirius said evenly, all laughter gone from his voice.

Remus stopped and waited until Sirius put down the kickstand and turned back to face him. "What kind of threat."

"I can't tell you about it. All I can say is that they …we…won't be at Godrick's and you should stay away from there. Dorea died today. She was all there was between the Black and the Potter name, with her gone …who knows."

"How's his dad taking the news? Wasn't she like his …cousin…or…second cousin?"

"It gets a little murky, but yeah…third but seven times removed."

"So what do you want to do?"

"Let's find Peter and get him a girl."

"I don't think we have enough money," Remus laughed, earning a guffaw from Sirius.

"It's not money we need. We need a bird that just wants to fuck." Sirius turned back to the front and paused before kicking up the stand. "Moony, about Lucy, are you sure?"

"Yeah, yeah I am," Remus said softly. "Padfoot? What happened?"

"My brother. He says he is going to join up."

"He's too young. It'll be over before he's of age."

"Yeah, that's what I think." Sirius slammed up the stand with his foot and kicked the bike into gear as he yelled over his shoulder, "Let's find a place and get drunk.


	46. Goodbyes

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 46**

**Goodbyes**

**

* * *

**

John was sitting at the kitchen table with a day old paper and a cold cup of tea when Remus came in. He called out to him and demanded that Remus join him, before heading upstairs. After quizzing him on his whereabouts, John looked at the clock and raised his eyebrow. Remus took a butterbeer from the fridge and sat down across from John, scowling at him.

"Since when do I have to account for my time? You haven't done this for over a year. "

"Since Greyback was seen over at the Spencers. Sit down, Remus, Lucy wasn't there. She's quite safe at the moment."

"So now we know for sure," Remus snorted a laugh. "You could have said something at dinner."

"I can't tell your mother. I don't want her any more worried than she already is."

"I know. So, we are moving again?"

"Won't do much good. The Ministry knows where you live and after you've finished school you will be licensed."

"That long, eh? Damned, the Headmaster outdid himself this time. Thought for sure it would be before I headed back. Fuck, I didn't think I would be heading back at all."

"Watch your mouth. Your mother puts up with it but I don't care how big you think you are. You live in this house, you go by our rules. As for the Headmaster he is fighting to keep the Muggle-born as well, so don't think you are alone in this."

"Sorry. I can't take much more," Remus leaned over the table, resting on his arms. "Everywhere I go I look over my shoulder. Shite, Dad, it's not just he-who-must-not-be-named, it's the Ministry, the guy down at Honeydukes that may pick up on what I am, the people I pass on the pavement. Sirius said the Potters are going into hiding, and his brother is joining up with…with _him_. So, we go into the Muggle world. At least while I am there no one is looking over my shoulder all the time. We lost track of time is all."

"What 'bout Lucy?" John kept his eyes on the tabletop, his hands playing with his teacup.

"I don't have to hide who I am with her. I don't have to pretend."

"Was she with you?"

"No," Remus shrugged and looked up to study John's face.

"You need to understand, Remus. If she really cares for you, if you…"

"Don't, Dad, don't. "

"So, I take it she is more than a girlfriend."

"I want her to be. I know now's not a good time, but next year if I get to finish school we …"

"You can what?" John spat. "God damn it, Remus! Haven't your learned anything? What do you think that was down at the Ministry? Some kind of joke? Do you think they have different laws for you with squibs than they do for…? "

"I know!" Remus stood up angrily. "Do you think I don't know what…?"

"Then don't drag her into it any more than she already is. Maybe when this whole thing is over things will change around here. Albus is doing everything he can and others are joining in, listening to him. Give it time, Remus. Slow down and give it time. If you two are meant to be together she will wait for you."

"I don't want to slow down. I don't want her to wait. I want to have a life now. I'm the one that always says no to everything. Unless I'm with one of the guys, I sit here…or up in my room at Hogwarts. I have one year, Dad, one year before they haul me in and licence me for good this time. Do you know what that feels like?"

"I can't pretend that I do. But I do know people have given you more than I would have thought possible. Your mum, the guys, now you expect Lucy to give up her life. There was another raid, up near Great Hangleton last night. It's getting worse, Remus, now is not the time to go running off by yourself."

"Dad, eight people in this whole fucking world have accepted me. Nine, but Snape isn't exactly what I would call accepting," he whispered, swiping his arm across his eyes. "I don't even try to make friends with the rest. I spend my time alone or in the library for fear someone will catch on and then where will I be. That's kind of stupid now."

"The Mediwitch, McGonagall, the Headmaster, and your friends down here, add in that Snape kid, that makes eight."

"Lily, Lily Evans," he said with a deep sigh. "She's with Potter, well…sort of off and on, but more on now that he's not so much of an arse all the time. She is, or was, a friend of Snape's, so I guess if Potter hadn't told her Snape would have."

"Can you trust her?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's not like I had any choice in the matter. What difference does it make? If the Ministry knows, everyone will know."

"Not yet, leave it to Albus. He is doing everything he can to stall them off another year. Seems he is demanding they have some proof that you were bitten, same way he is making them prove none of the Muggle born don't have wizard blood."

"Proof? They saw my shoulder. They know."

"According to Hagrid that bite could have been from just about anything in the forest," John frowned. "Give it time, Remus. Give yourself and Lucy this year to figure out if you two should continue. All I am asking is that you wait before you say anything to her about the future. She's suppose to go back to Germany at the end of the summer. Let her go."

"I don't want to," Remus admitted keeping his eyes on the tabletop.

"I know," John said, laying his hand over Remus'. "She isn't safe here, son, and if you don't send her away she will be killed. I can't say for sure, but something is going on over at the Spencer farm. She's not in danger, not yet, but if we are right she needs to leave."

.

.

Remus met Lucy the next day on the ridge. He sat on the ground with her head in his lap looking up at him, as he laid out his plans for the rest of the summer, and how he had to agree with John, and wanted her to return to Germany with her mother. Putting his fingers over her lips he stilled her protests, he begged her to do as he asked, threatening not to see her again if she didn't.

She sat up, and putting her back to him, wrapped her arms around her legs. "I thought you said you loved me. So was that all an act?"

"You know better," he said miserably. "Just until…Lucy, once I am out of school we can…I'll be able to make plans. Until then, who knows what will happen?"

"I've been accepted to the University in Munich."

"So, you were planning to go anyway? You never said anything."

"I was, but since…now I want to stay in England."

"Which Uni?"

"The Ludwig-Maximillians," she shrugged.

"Merlin," he snorted a laugh. "I'm in love with a genius."

"No, just bored and nothing to do but read and study. You don't know what it's like out there, living with the Muggles. It moves so fast, everyone's in such a hurry. I hate it. I just hate it."

"Your place is it in the city?"

"No, south of Bad Tolz, we are in the mountains, but Mum and I spend at least two weeks a month in town. She gets bored with just the two of us."

"Switzerland?"

She turned and studied his face. "I know. I said…I didn't lie, not really. I never go into the Swiss cities, and we are closer to the German…"

"It's okay." He put his finger over her mouth, stilling her. "She is hiding from your uncle as well?"

"Yeah, she never trusted him. That's what I don't get, that she seems to believe all his shite about blood purity and hangs on to his every word. She goes out with him all the time now but she never talks about it."

"You're pure blood," he sighed. "Maybe she thinks that if they get rid of the Muggle born there will be more places for you. Now, tell me about this school of yours.''

"I'll have to stay in the city. In Munich. It's so far, Remus," she pleaded, "I won't get to see you."

"I won't be here anyway, so don't use me as an excuse. Ludwig-Maxillians, that is quite good. I don't know much about Muggle schools but even I have heard of that one."

"You will write?"

He pulled her close and nodded into her hair. "You will be so busy you won't even miss me."

"I have to go," she said, pulling away from him and standing up. "I have my appointment in the morning. I have to get up early if I'm going to make it to the train station."

"I'm coming," he said firmly, suddenly deciding that he would not let her go alone. "I'll take you. After, we can make a day of it. I'll pack a lunch and we can find…"

"My treat" she said, grinning at him. "After all, I owe you for that wonderful dinner we almost ate."

"I can't let you pay for…"

"The train would cost me more. Remember me? The squib? You don't think I was going to walk or take the team now did you?"

.

.

The next morning Remus woke early, nervously looking forward to the day. Although he looked forward to spending time with Lucy and the day in Manchester, he was ill at ease taking her to her appointment. Once she made it clear that he was not to come inside with her, and pointed him to a small café where he could have a cup of tea while he waited, he did not hesitate to take her up on her offer. He took a table close to the window, turning his back to the other customers, hiding his eyes.

He saw her walking toward the café sooner than what he had expected and ordered her a cup of tea before she had reached the table.

"Told you it would only take a few minutes," she grinned.

"Are you okay?"

"Git, they don't do anything, not even a real exam. They just asked me some questions. Easy, really."

"So, now we can…" he muttered looking over his shoulder.

"Yes." She laughed. "They said it takes a month before it is absolutely …"

"Fuck," Remus said, running his hand through his hair. "Umm, yeah…sorry."

"So…." she said, rolling her eyes, "they gave me something else to use in the meantime."

Remus squirmed uncomfortably, trying to readjust his position. "Drink your tea, I want to take a look at the museum before lunch."

"Yeah, and there is a used book store that has some great things. We could stop in."

Later as they took tea at The Salutation and Lucy paid the bill, she came back and took him by the hand, but instead of leading him outside took him to the narrow staircase at the back of the pub. He followed her, watching the sway of her hips and the glorious length of her legs as she walked up ahead of him.

Later, as they lay in bed, he lowered himself over her, resting his weight on his arms, feeling the feathering touch of her hands on his back, as he smelled her arousal and heard her soft sounds, urging him on as he lost himself. He couldn't wait for her as he had wanted, couldn't go slowly, or try to be gentle. He thrust into her, feeling her nails dig into his back, and heard her incoherent cries. Not until he felt her tighten, and cry out his name was he able to lock his eyes on her face. Her eyes were open; her face contorted in the most beautiful expression of want and need. He crushed his mouth to hers, felt the spasms of her orgasm and emptied into her.

"Gods," he panted into her neck. "I wanted to make it last longer. Did it hurt this time?"

"Hurt? You bloody fool," she said, trying to smile. "No, don't move. Not yet."

"I love you," he said, kissing her eyelids, tasting her tears, and settling back over her. "What's wrong?"

"I am leaving, and you will find someone else once you're back at school."

"I can't find what I never look for. Do you think I don't love you? That I just want you because you are wiling to let me do this?" He rolled off her and onto his back, pulling her to his shoulder.

"No, but everyone seems against us. Even your friends."

"That's not true. Sirius even offered to do this for me," he said, starting to laugh.

"Shut up," she grinned. "I don't like that other one, Peter. He…he gives me the creeps."

"Peter?" he asked incredulously, raising his head off the pillow to look at her face. "He's harmless."

"Maybe, but when he talks to me…it's not right."

"He has a hard time talking to girls," Remus sighed. "What about Potter?"

"I don't know, I've only seen him once." She squirmed around until she was on her stomach, resting on her elbows. "I have to leave this weekend if I am going to Uni."

"Then this will be the last time we can do this," he frowned, tracing her mouth with the pad of his thumb.

"Maybe we can meet tomorrow night?"

"You forget what I am." He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "The night after tomorrow is the full moon."

"But, not tomorrow."

"No, but the night before and the night after I…I could hurt you," he said softly. "My strength is almost doubled, I can…no, Lucy, it wouldn't be safe."

"You wouldn't hurt me."

He turned and looked at her, seeing how open and trusting she was. "I said no. I don't even go out with the guys the night before anymore. Do you think I would be with you? Like this? If we are going to do this, we do it my way or it stops today. Do you understand?"

She nodded and rolled over onto her back grinning. "Then come here. If I can't see you tomorrow you are not getting away this easily."

.

.

He did not see Lucy before she left, her mother had decided to go back early, and had gone the night of the full moon. Remus didn't know if it was coincidence, or her way of sending a signal that she knew they had grown too close. The only contact he had was a snowy owl that had perched on his windowsill, demanding a treat and holding up its leg while he removed the missive.

He read the short, almost polite, note, thinking it was as if it had been written while Lucy's mother watched over her shoulder. Tossing it on top of his night table he began packing his own trunk, already counting the days before he would see her again. Neatly stacking his books and shoes on the bottom, he levitated his pressed and folded robes, setting them on top.

"Remus? Here, you will need these come the holidays." Rhea stood behind him holding a brown tweed jacket and a pair of brown trousers. "You can't very well go to Munich without something besides jeans and tees."

He held out his hands and accepted the clothing, watching her face. "Thanks."

"I can't stop you from going. But I plan on stopping you from standing out."

"Umm, Mum, these may just make me stick out more," he said, trying to grin.

"Here they will, but I think you will find they'll disguise you better in Germany. They will make you look…older, not so…British, if you stay out of the cities and larger villages. Stick to the wizard areas, at least promise me you'll try."

"I'll try." He set down the clothes and stood up to face her. "Mum, you know this may be the last time I can come home."

"You can at least stop in at the holidays. I am sure Lucy can share you for a day or two."

"You know what I mean, Mum. Once I am licensed you can't keep me here."

"What they don't know…"

"But they will know," he said softly, putting his arms around her. "And I won't do that to you."

"You will need to have a place each month. You can register the barn. At least that way I can see you."

"I am going to write to Dr. Gramm, about that potion he told us about. It's been a few years. If it's approved I can try it."

"John said I'm not to go to the station with you," she said quietly, kneeling down to rearrange his trunk. "The Order doesn't even trust the Ministry to do it any more."

"Have they figured out who it is?"

"Not really, they have a list of names…but they aren't sure. Yaxley is on it, and even Crouch."

"And me," he said softly, pulling her up by her elbow. "Tell John it's okay. I know they have him on the list as well. Maybe once I leave it will get better."

"Oh my gods, Remus," she flung her arms around his neck and cried. "Your father…Anthony would be so very proud of you."

"I barely remember him. I remember what he said, and stuff like that…but not his face…not him."

"Oh, Remus," she pulled back and laid her hand on his cheek. "Just look in a mirror. You never saw him as a young man, and wouldn't remember Marcus as all…but the three of you could be brothers you look so much alike."

"Mum, I'll be okay."

"I know you will," she whispered.

He turned his head, kissing her palm, then pulled his wand to levitate his trunk behind him, and started for the Hogwarts Express.


	47. Asking to Join

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 47**

**Asking to Join**

**

* * *

**

Remus stood on the platform, wanting to wait until the last possible moment before joining his roommates in their compartment. Knowing Lucy was not even in the country, he had still hoped to see her while at the same time feeing foolish looking for her.

Barely able to conceal his smirk, he watched the little first years excitably pushing and shoving to get on the train, while their parents stood back tearfully watching. He turned away from John, who had warned him not to acknowledge his presence, trying to ignore the rest of the Order that was here to protect the students. Although John's superiors had heard the rumours about Remus, from the Dangerous Creature division, John had lied, and told them that his stepson no longer lived at home, but at some unknown place in London. Unable to say more in way of goodbye, and having been warned not to talk to anyone he knew to be in the Order, he was surprised when Moody walked over to start up a conversation.

"So Grams, how's that leg doing?" He smirked at the surprise on Moody's face.

"Ain't heard that one for a while now," the grizzled wizard smirked. "I see Malfoy is in prime form."

Remus glanced to the front of the platform where Lucius stood, seeing the youngest Malfoy leaning against the wall, arrogantly watching the returning students, and talking to some of the seventh years.

"Son of a bitch looks like he's holding court," Moody muttered, then turned his head and spat on the platform. "That Black with him?"

"Regulus, Sirius' younger brother, yeah. The one to his left is Mulciber and the other is Wilkes. I'm not sure about the one in the cape…I think he was a year behind Malfoy, a Ravenclaw."

"That Snape kid was with them just a minute ago."

"I don't get that one. Why would they be recruiting a half-blood? I thought all this crap was about blood purity."

"Nope, about power pure and simple. He'll do away with the whole lot when he don't need them no more," Moody stood glaring at the group on the platform, as if daring them to do or say something. "Just like Greyback. That Lord of theirs will use him up then eat him for dinner. You mark my words."

"Couldn't happen to a better werewolf," Remus grinned. "At least there is hope."

"He wants the Malfoy money, and that Mulciber, bet his old man is behind some of those new spells he keeps using. You stay low this year, you hear? Promised Meda I would warn off that nephew of hers and I'm doing the same to you. Things are heating up."

"You take care, Grams," Remus laughed and hoisted his backpack over his shoulder. "Will I see you in the hols?"

"Always do." Moody nodded then laid his hand on Remus' shoulder and leaned down, looking around as he whispered in his ear. "Stay vigilant, lad, and if you see that pretty little thing you tell her not all is as it seems."

"Sure," Remus stammered. "About what?"

"Run on now, don't want to be left behind." Moody turned and limped away, leaving Remus confused and looking after him.

.

.

.

After the Sorting Ceremony, Remus and the guys headed up to the Astronomy Tower and sprawled out on the floor as they had at the beginning of each term. This year they were quiet, sombre and not in the mood to joke and poke fun at the new first years or brag about what they planned to do in the summer months. They sat, unusually quiet, as if the time spent on the train had left them without anything to say.

Sirius mentioned again that he was disappointed Hagrid would not hide his bike, and James smirked and told them it was down at The Three Broomsticks under a tarp under the watchful and stern watch of Rosmerta. Admitting that he would at least enjoy a weekly visit to check on it as long as he got to look at the witch, Sirius stretched out on his side and tipped up his head as he once again went on about Rosmerta's attributes. Remus was quiet, not joining in the conversation, as he watched Peter fidgeting and avoiding everyone's eyes, shrugging and deflecting direct questions.

James sighed , pulled his legs up, and started talking, hesitantly at first, just saying his Dad was worried about the way things were going, that he hadn't wanted to let the boys come back to school, and it was only with his mother's constant nagging that he had relented. Then in rush he spilled out the fact that his mother seemed despondent and that his dad was not himself, trapped in a house that made him feel like a prisoner.

His father was never without his wand. It lay by his plate when they ate and it was tucked under his pillow at night even as his wife took guard. James admitted that he was worried about what the current situation was doing to them, telling how they stayed up late into the night to keep watch, how they had aged , as if the worry hanging over their heads was more than they could take.

"Mum had a Healer look at Dad, said it's partly Dad's age," he said quietly, drawing squiggles on the floor with the tip of his wand. "He's in his ninety's, but that's not old for a Potter. His dad lived to over a hundred and sixty."

"Sorry, James," Remus said, trying to remember how he had felt when he heard his own dad had died and couldn't put what had happened to him in the same frame of reference as Mr. Potter.

Potter nodded and cast a glance at Sirius who clenched his jaw, unable to say more. Unable to tell about the hovel that the family now lived in, the darkened rooms, the owls that brought threats even with the house warded and unplottable. He knew the problem was more than what the Potters claimed, more than the death of a distance relative. They were hiding him, sheltering him from his family's wrath and refusing to give in.

"Mum's not doing well. The Healer said it's because of Dad and all. She'll be okay when all this is over."He shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes on the floor. "She cries all the time and Dad…he just sits in his chair all day reading that and checking the wards. He's been like that since Dorea died. I don't know…he never said anything about her…even when she died he didn't seem to care about her, only what could happen to us."

"Bloody hell," Sirius sighed. "Here we go."

James snapped his head up and glared at Sirius wanting to talk, to get out the tightness that tried to strangle him every time he thought of what was happening and what was going to happen. He wanted to talk about his mother's dog, found dead on the back steps. He wanted to talk about his father's refusal to call in the Order, or to seek help from the Ministry because he no longer knew who to trust.

"His Dad 's on the Great Fuckers list because of something he said to Dorea years ago. The threat was to him," Peter added.

"I should have stayed home," James muttered, shooting Sirius a look. "We both should have stayed."

McGonagall's voice cut the conversation short as she called up the steps and told them it was time for lights out. Standing as Peter complained about their failure to bring the map, they stood to go down as Remus pulled Sirius aside.

"What's with Peter?"

"Bloody hell, he's crazy. He tried to talk to that Marlene witch, the one we saw over at the Hog's Head, into going out with him and when she turned him down, he started following her around. She told Potter to call him off or she was going to report him."

"Idiot, I told you he moves too fast, and what the fuck was he tailing her for?"

"It gets better," Sirius frowned heading down the stairs, talking over his shoulder. "Potter owls him and Wormtail gets all bent out of shape and tells Lily it was Prongs that was after Marlene."

"Fuck," Remus sighed. "He spends five years chasing her skirt then Pettigrew screws it?"

"Good thing Lily didn't believe him, but old Prongs was in a right foul mood until Lily's owl came and calmed him down."

"Sirius," Remus grabbed his elbow and held him back, "what do you know about the Order?"

"Like what? Nothing more than you. You could ask John."

"He's not in it…something happened. Remember when they attacked the farm? The Headmaster won't have him now," Remus whispered. "I want to join. Bloody hell, we are old enough, and if Greyback wants me…I may be able to get some information or at least find out who else is involved."

"You're a fucking idiot," Sirius smirked. "Just don't talk to Moody, he'll just tell us to lay low and be vigilant. We could talk to Longbottom, he'd know."

"Got the same talk, hey?" Remus grinned.

"Frank's marrying that Prewett chick…the one finished up here last year."

"Alice? He must be old enough to…"

"Nah, he joined up when he was seventeen, he's not all that much older than us, about…what, five years? And if he could join what do we have to worry about?"

"The Headmaster."

"Yeah, you got a point," Sirius said flatly and draped his arm around Remus' shoulders as they continued down the steps. "We'll just have to impress him with our serious and studious natures this year."

"Yeah, that'll work," Remus rolled his eyes. "I just missed giving the firsties their little welcoming speech. How am I doing so far?"

"Not well, Mr. Lupin," Professor McGonagall said looking up the stairs at them. "Not only did you not report to the infirmary this evening, you shirked your house responsibilities as well."

"Sorry," Remus muttered, stopping as Sirius hurried on, flicking his middle finger behind the professors back before running off.

"Sorry is not a resolution, Mr. Lupin. The Headmaster is waiting for you."

"Yes, Professor," he sighed, following her as she turned and headed down the hallway. "I had to talk to the guys."

"Mr. Lupin. You had all day… _to talk to the guys_, as you so inelegantly put it. Did you not come on the train with them?"

"Yes, Professor McGonagall," he muttered, following behind her with his hands shoved in his pockets. He passed her as she stepped aside pointing to the circular staircase and watching to make sure he stepped onto it before turning and walking away.

"Mr. Lupin, do come in. I am glad Professor McGonagall was able to locate you so quickly." Albus stood peering into one of his many display cases, watching sand running up in his hourglass.

"Sorry, Headmaster." Remus sat at the desk, sitting on the edge of the chair uncomfortably. Remus sat and waited for the Headmaster to talk, knowing that part of the old man's method of intimidation was to have him sit and think about what he had done wrong before broaching the subject.

"Consider yourself on detention this week. You will take patrol from nine to midnight in Mr. Wilkes' stead." Albus said after several minutes.

"Since when do we have patrol?" Remus grinned, thinking the Headmaster had made this up to give him an easy punishment.

"If you had been accessible earlier when I had this conversation with the rest of the Heads and Prefects I would not be repeating myself at this time." Albus turned his head just enough to level Remus with a look that told him he was not pleased. "The first thing I will ask, no…demand of you, is that you give your attention to your position. The younger students need to be able to find you more quickly if there is trouble. I expect you to be there for them. I also will post a schedule for patrols. You are to do nothing but watch, and report anything unusual to me at once. I trust you can send a Patronus?"

"Yes," Remus admitted. "Do you think He-Who-Must-not-Be-Named cares about what we do here?"

"He cares, Mr. Lupin, to send a signal to the parents of our Muggle- born that this is no place for them. He also will have the perfect venue for teaching his vile hatred and prejudices if he controls Hogwarts. What easier way to rid our world of those different to ourselves than to teach the children to hate."

"It's a lot like that now," Remus snorted a laugh. "It doesn't take being taught in school to hate, we have enough to go around already."

"I am sorry you only see the hatred my lad," Albus sighed heavily.

"I want to help, and not just here at Hogwarts. I want to join the Order," Remus said quietly. "I've been thinking about it all summer and I think I am ready. I could learn...and you know yourself my skill in duelling."

Albus turned from the display case and studied Remus' face. "While you are a student here that is quite impossible."

"Then I'll quit," Remus said evenly, shrugging his shoulders. "What good is an education to me anyway? It's not going to get me a job one way or the other; nothing's going to change…not for me. I guess either way I won't belong here. At least with him gone…Headmaster, I deserve a chance to fight Greyback."

"Mr. Lupin, it was my understanding when you left the Ministry last spring, that one of your concerns as to the licensing procedures was that it would force you to leave us. Now, you are willing to quit your studies?"

"If that is what it takes."

"You disappoint me," Albus admitted as he walked to his desk, indicating that Remus stay seated. "I thought you understood that successfully completing your time here could open the doors to others."

Remus saw the disappointment evident on the Headmaster's face, pushing the momentary feeling of guilt away as he clenched his teeth together in anger.

"If he wins, who will be left? Who will be left that I've helped? Everyone like me, everyone not accepted by his new order of things will be dead." Remus sat on the edge of the chair, his arms resting on his arms as he kept his eyes lowered. "Greyback is with him. I am sure of it, and if he is, then that bastard he calls Lord knows about me. He won't hurt me. Not yet anyway. I hear he is _collecting_ creatures like me to fight for him."

"When Mr. Spencer brought his Muggle wife to live with them, they purchased a piece of land, not far from where your parents now live," Albus held up his hand to silence Remus, "it is said that his wife planned on leaving him as she was unable to handle such a …solitary existence. Once she filed for divorce and left, returning to the Muggle world, he became a hard man. A man who has put his favour on the dark side. Curiously enough, I have never heard of his wife again. Martha, I believe her name was."

"He killed her?"

"I am sure he did not, just as I am sure that he orchestrated her demise."

"And his brother?" Remus thought of Lucy's father who had hidden his family even before the more recent attacks on squibs and their families.

"How exactly did you plan on helping the Order?"

"And his brother, I asked," Remus frowned.

"His brother and the rest of his family."

"Except his sister-in-law that is now…no…she's not with him," Remus leaned back in his chair and levelled his eyes at Albus. "She is working with you."

"Not all is at it appears," Albus smiled. "Your Lucy is quite safe."

"Until her mother is found out."

"At which time arrangements will be made for her." Albus smiled and offered Remus a lemon drop. "I trust you have spoken to her about travelling alone in Knockturn?"

Remus' hand stopped midair, as he was reaching for a sweet, he snapped his face up to Albus' blue eyes. "How could she travel there?" He schooled his face and lied easily, remembering her confession about buying the potion there.

"I am sure she enters through the Leaky Cauldron. An old friend of mine, a Mundungus Fletcher, who is one of the Order you have not yet met , was on duty that day. It seems your friend visited a rather unsavoury establishment."

Remus shrugged and leaned back in the chair, "I'll mention it to her if I see her again."

Remus walked back to his room thinking about what the Headmaster had told him, feeling relived that Lucy was safe, but annoyed that Albus doubted her and had her followed. He did not believe for a minute it was only to keep her safe. If asked, he would not have been able to say why he had lied about the true extent of his involvement with Lucy, he just knew that if it was found out she could be in danger.

Many things changed that year, the most obvious being the prohibition of the Daily Prophet. The Headmaster had made the decision as day after day more news came to them about the outside world and the death and destruction that was being wrought. On occasion, he would walk down the aisles between the tables, lay his hand on a student's shoulder and then lean down and whisper in their ear. Remus watched, and like every other student, was silently grateful it was someone else under the Headmaster's fatherly embrace, being led out of the Great Hall.

"Fuck," Sirius said one day, as the Headmaster took out a first year. "That's Gwenog Jones, Hestia's cousin."

"She didn't come back this year," James muttered, looking down the table to where Lily sat and saw her swipe tears from her eyes. "She's worried about her family."

"She should be," Peter said grimly. "It would be safer for her to leave until this is over."

James nodded and stood up, swung his leg over the bench and went to sit with Lily. Remus, Sirius and Peter left the Great Hall, walking up to the Astronomy Tower and not going to class. By lunchtime, the Headmaster had cancelled classes and told the students to study quietly on their own. At dinner as they assembled in the Great Hall he announced that the holiday break would be a week longer this year, and that all Muggle born students should carefully consider their actions before returning home, welcoming them to spend the hols in the castle.

Remus thought of Lily, and briefly thought that it would be better if she went home, not returning at all. Then, he thought of Lucy and knew this holiday travelling would only draw attention to whom he visited. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he started towards the owlery needing to tell Lucy he could not come, and to tell his mother that he would be staying at Hogwarts as well.


	48. Silent Witness

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 48**

**Silent Witness**

**

* * *

**

During the holidays, Remus spent the time by the lake, wrapped in his winter robes against the wind that blew down from the North Sea, freezing the breath as it left his mouth, and making the snow hard and dry. The only thing he could hear was the crunching under his feet as he practiced throwing his Patronus until he could do it silently without his wand.

He practiced the common hexes he knew were used in battle, perfecting how to hold a deflecting shield with his left hand, as Rhea had shown him, while throwing with his wand in his right. At lunchtime, he would walk into Hogsmeade and into Three Broomsticks where he would haul Rosmerta's supplies up from the cellar, or fix something that had gone too long without repair. Her offers of payment, or even a hearty meal went unanswered, as he kept his silence and returned to his work.

The winter moon began to call him the day before his transformation, and without his friends, he knew it would be a hard night. A night he would remember only by the new cuts and scars he would find in the morning. Kneeling in front of his trunk, he opened the tin that held the last of his money and hefted it in his hand.

He didn't know how much the new potion would cost, didn't know if he could buy it in Knockturn, but knew he couldn't waltz into St. Mungo's without being hauled off to the Ministry. Shoving the money in his pocket, he decided to take the chance and flooed to Diagon, careful to make sure no one was on the pavement before walking down the darkened alley.

He was thankful for the icy cold that kept everyone inside near a warm fire as he made his way to the end of the pavement, turning into yet another walkway, narrower and darker then the first. When he made it to the nameless shop, the only hint of what it sold displayed in the window, he cast a look around to make sure he was not being watched before pulling the door open and taking a deep breath, he stepped inside.

Later as he sat in the Leaky Cauldron, keeping one hand in his pocket, rubbing the smooth glass of the vial between his fingers he could not keep Greyback off his mind. Realizing he knew very little about other werewolves, he gulped down his tea and all but ran to Flourish and Blotts, hoping to find what he needed. It was almost closing time as he hurried to the section on magical creatures and ran his hand along the spines of the books until he found what he needed. Sliding down to the floor, he thumbed through the pages, searching for something more than superstition and rumour.

"You could take a break you know." A voice shocked him from his concentration sometime later.

"What?" He closed the book and put in back on the shelf, standing up. "Sorry, I have an essay due and just needed to look something up."

"No, that's fine. I just meant with it being the hols and all." The young clerk smiled easily, her face open and trusting. "I usually see you in here with Potter or Black."

"They are caught up on their work and went home. But me?" He laughed, shoving his hands in his pockets and lowering his eyes. "I have so much to do I thought I would use the time to get caught up."

"Take your time. We are closing for the whole week, business is down and…with everything that has been happening, even Christmas shopping isn't bringing anyone in. So...if you want to finish …I'm going to be a while. "

"No, I think I've got enough information." He pulled on his cap and started grinning. "This is not a pick up line…but don't I know you?"

"Sort of. We met a few years back. I'm Hestia's sister, Ellen."

Remus studied her face trying to remember having met her, when he recalled when Black had wanted to meet her and the incident at the sweet shop. "Right, I…it's been a while."

"Yes, yes it has," she said slowly, her face becoming hard. "My aunt and uncle …they were murdered. Did you hear about them?"

"I'm sorry. Yeah, I was there when the Headmaster told your cousin."

"I…would you tell Black that I'm sorry for how I acted back then? I didn't know, but the Headmaster said he isn't involved with the rest of his family."

"Sirius? Fuck no…why would…sorry," he swallowed and took a deep breath. "Sirius isn't like the rest of his family."

"I know that now. When the Headmaster told us, what happened…and his aunt was one of them…I…I asked about him. I'm sorry," she said quickly seeing the look of disbelieve on his face, "but he's a Black and you know how they are."

"Not all of them," Remus said evenly, thinking of Sirius' Aunt with the pink haired kid.

"That's what I'm saying. Just…tell him I'm sorry. I know what it's like to be on the outside."

Remus nodded and gave her his assurance he would speak to him then stepped out into the icy wind. _I know what it's like to be on the outside,_ he heard again and wondered if she truly did. He stepped off the pavement, in the shelter of the buildings and tipped the vial up to his mouth, swallowing half of it as he had been instructed, saving the other half to take an hour before the full moon.

He didn't sleep much that night, and the next day he felt as if every nerve in his body was waiting in anticipation of what the moon would bring. As he sat in the Great Hall, resting his head on one hand he pushed his breakfast around on his plate with the other wanting to scream at how slow the time was passing. After watching the few Slytherins that had stayed for the holidays, he let his eyes wander over the nearly empty room.

Only three girls from Hufflepuff had stayed, and although he knew them by name, he would never have thought to join them. It was only with James, Sirius or Peter that he felt comfortable and accepted enough to talk to anyone outside of their little circle. He glanced down the table to where Lily normally sat and saw only two other students and the long table. The Ravenclaw house had the most, as many of the seventh- years had decided to stay and prepare for their exams.

He turned back to his plate and choked down as much as he could, afraid that if Madam Pomfrey or the Headmaster noticed he was not eating, on this of all days, he would have to come up with an excuse. Draining his cup, he stood and walked out of the Hall, anxious and nervous for the day to pass.

It was early when he felt the first quickening that signalled the change to come. Drinking the rest of the potion, he grabbed his winter robes, shoved a flannel in his pocket and picked up his broom. Without a backwards look, he ran to the gates, and apparated home pushing the thought that Madame Pomfrey would soon raise the alarm when he was gone from his mind. Sucking in his breath as soon as his feet touched the ground and the icy wind from the open sea blasted into him he moved back from the house, not wanting to be seen.

He stood looking at the house, a yellow glow coming from the kitchen window where he knew Rhea would be preparing tea. Then, lifting his leg over the broom, he pushed off from the ground, turning his head toward the setting sun and sped off to the ridge overlooking the Spencer farm.

He stripped off his clothes, shivering against the cold wind and hunkered down as close to the outcropping as he could to shield his body. He felt the familiar tightening of his skin, his hands turning inward, his knees pushing back. He shoved the flannel into his mouth to muffle his cries before he could no longer use his hands, and bit into it as the grinding of bone on bone started. Whimpering in pain, he lay on his side, fighting to remain quiet and not to fight the transformation, willing it to be over quickly. As he felt his jaw start to side forward, and the top of his mouth split and reform, the flannel fell. No longer able to soften his cries, no longer able to stop the noise that started low in the wolf's stomach and ended as he lifted his head and howled into the night.

Remus stood on all four legs, lowering his head and tossing it back in the air. He saw the slope to the Spencer house clearly, as if in full light. He started hesitantly fully aware of his wolf form for the first time since taking the first poorly brewed potion he had tried years ago, and then began to run, the cold no longer bothering him, the wolf no longer directing his body. He ran faster than he ever had. His body laying low to the ground as his powerful legs pulled him easily over the unlevel field.

He thought of how he had run with Padfoot and Prongs, but could only remember bits and pieces. Although they had managed to give him some freedom, this night he saw, smelled and felt whole. Circling the Spencer farm he closed in, tightening his path until he could see clearly into the barn. A low rumble started in his chest and spilled out in a growl as he dropped to his stomach and watched the wolves that huddled together in the relative warmth of the barn.

Watching Spencer set out bowels of food and water he was confused that the wizard exhibited so little fear and could walk freely amongst the pack without being harmed. Creeping closer he saw a movement in the back of the barn and even in wolf form knew it was Greyback. Peering into the darkness, he felt the wolf's eye adjust to the difference in light and saw that even before pushing their muzzles into bowls of bloody meat, the wolves crouched down and whimpered, seeking permission from the alpha male before gobbling up their dinner.

Remus raised his snout and sniffed the air, smelling the other wolves and finding he could tell the difference between them and Spencer. The wolf lowered its head to its paws, confused by other smells that mixed and mingled with the now familiar scents. He didn't have to wait long before he watched Spencer open one of the horse stalls, disappear inside, and return pulling a woman by her bound wrists. A gag filled her mouth, but Remus could still hear her muffled screams of terror and see her eyes wildly taking in the horror in front of her.

Rising to his legs he began to pace, not wanting to watch and not able to leave. Spencer shoved the woman to the ground and turned to Greyback, speaking too quietly for Remus to hear. He looked again at the woman on the ground and saw her trying to claw her way to the door as the pack began to circle, her eyes wild, her feet pushing against the dirt floor, frantically trying to reach the door.

Remus sat on his haunches, pushed his nose up to the sky and howled, hoping to draw the others out of the barn and leave the woman alone. They turned to the door, low growls filling the night air, the hair on their backs rising in ridges down their spines. Remus stepped closer to the barn, watching Greyback to give a signal, waiting to turn and flee, waiting to lure them away. He made the wolf walk into the shaft of light that spilled out of the barn's door and howled his scream into the night, unable to do more.

Spencer swung the doors shut, leaving Remus alone and unable to see what happened, but still able to hear the screams that went on and on and smell the blood. He paced, whined, and fought to find a way to stop what was happening, aware that he had made a grave mistake. He could not hold a wand, could not throw a hex, or utter an incantation. He waited until he knew there was no hope for the woman, hearing the sounds of ripping flesh and the frenzy of the wolf pack feeding, before running up the slope. Running until the wolf's chest burned and he could no longer run only drop to the ground, unable to shed the tears that Remus felt welling in his chest.

As the dawn broke over the eastern horizon, he began to lope back over the fields toward the ridge. A large dirty-brown wolf began to follow him, cautiously sniffing and nipping at his heels. Turning and baring his teeth, Remus let out a low growl, snapping at the other's snout until he finally managed to break the skin and with a yelp, the wolf ran off.

.

.

.

He sat in Dumbledore's office, telling him about the woman and what he had seen, his voice shook as he dug his fingernails into the arm of the chair. Unable to convey the true horror, he leaned forward as tears ran down his face.

"I couldn't do anything. I felt so bloody useless."

"Did you recognize her?" Albus stood looking out the window, his hands clasped behind his back.

"No, at least I can thank Merlin for that. She was…about thirty, from her clothing I'd say she was a witch, or at least she lived in this world. Blonde, about…I don't know, she was average…not tall, not short …Headmaster, she was just a woman," he said, his voice hitching. "I've never seen anyone so scared. Spencer took her gag off…she was begging for help…begging… and I couldn't do anything. I could only listen to what they did to her."

"I must ask your secrecy in this," Albus sighed and turned back to study Remus. "I know you want me to report this to the Ministry but I think you understand why I cannot."

"What?" Remus came to his feet. "They ripped her apart! You weren't there! You have no idea what they did!"

"I assure you I do," Albus scowled over the top of his spectacles. "To report this we would first have to admit that one of our students is a werewolf, transforming in the open, and buying illegal potions."

"Fine, I don't care about that."

"We would then be giving Spencer, Greyback, and whoever else was there in wolf form enough time to prepare for an alibi, or to hide. The Ministry is ripe with spies, Mr. Lupin."

"Then I'll go back there and burn the bloody place to the ground," he hissed angrily.

"Thereby taking away the only place we now know they meet." Albus waved him back to the chair opposite him at the desk. "No, Mr. Lupin, I will advise the Order and hopefully we can put an end to this."

"I'll go with you," Remus demanded. "I want to see that bloody Greyback dead."

"And if just one makes it away they will know you are with us. Not a wise choice."

"What do you expect me to do?"

"Keep your silence, and in this I mean from even your closest friends. Even the smallest slip, an overhead conversation, a surprised reaction to something that is said, even in jest, can give away our plans. I need your assurance in this before you leave this office."

"Or what?" Remus shot back angrily.

"Or? I am not in the habit of being questioned by my students, Mr. Lupin. Suffice to say there are many memory charms that I can cast."

Remus turned on his heel and started to the door, hearing Albus' warning. "Mr. Lupin, you need to exercise more caution. You will find the use of the potion, whereas a wonderful thing, does have a certain side effect."

Remus spun back on his heel, swallowing hard.

"Your eyes are quite noticeable this morning. I suggest you miss breakfast and return to your room. Perhaps the morning spent in study will suit your needs."

* * *

**A/N: Hungarian Witch wanted more 'wolf' in the story…I hope this suffices. **


	49. Moving Too Fast

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 49**

**Moving Too Fast**

**

* * *

**

Remus paced in his rooms, too upset to read and unable to sleep. Normally the day after the full moon he only wanted to sleep, but today every time he closed his eyes he heard the screams that had come from the barn and smelled the wolves feeding on blood. He wanted to get a Daily Prophet and see if he could find any mention of a missing witch but had heard the Headmaster's unspoken warning not to leave the castle. When he could no longer take the silence of his room, he grabbed his robes and left, angry with Albus and no longer caring, he headed to Hogsmeade.

Rosmerta didn't like the day before Christmas. She rose early, unable to sleep and started to bake, filling the Inn with smells of yeast and cinnamon. Today she doubted that more than a handful of guests would stop in, even with the holiday close at hand, people were staying indoors as more and more went missing. She heard the bell over the door and smirked, knowing that no matter what the weather or how bad the times Aberforth would he here for his morning meal. Glancing at the clock, she wiped her hands on the apron and went out to greet him.

"Eating in here today," Abe grumbled as he stalked into the kitchen and took a stool at the counter. "No point walking back and forth just for me."

"Business down that much at your place?" she asked, levitating the teapot and two cups in front of him.

"Nah, will always be drunks looking for the next drink." Aberforth held his cup in both hands as if to warm himself in the already too hot kitchen.

They both looked at the back door as Remus came in, stomping snow off his shoes and trying to grin. "Thought I would stop in and see if you have any work that needs doing."

"Remus?" Rosmerta hurried to him, grabbing his face with one hand and yanking it to each side. "Now what have you been up to? Don't tell me Poppy let you out like this. My gods, child, someone sees those eyes and…"

"Leave him alone," Aberforth commanded. "He ain't his brother."

She dropped her hand and turned to the oven, hiding her face in the pretence of checking on the sweet rolls.

"I can come back," Remus said, backing up to the door. "I was wondering, though, if you have today's Prophet."

"Out front," Rosmerta said, turning back to him. "Go ahead, I have enough to feed the whole town, you may as well eat."

"Thanks," he muttered, going into the dining hall and finding the paper. He pushed his food around, unable to eat, reading the paper from front to back, looking for some mention of the missing witch although he knew that unless she had been taken earlier in the day it would be too soon.

"Remus?" Rosmerta put her hand on his shoulder, pulling him back from his concentration. "I could use some help taking this stuff down to St. Mungo's. I have way too much and figure they can always use it for their…"

"No," Remus stood quickly, remembering Rhea did the same thing each year. "I think I'll head back up to school. I could use the study time."

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he started the walk back to the castle, his eyes watching the pavement, deep in thought. As he was passing the Hogs Head, he saw a group of men standing outside, complaining that the pub hadn't opened yet. He thought about telling them that Aberforth was down at Rosmerta's when he looked up and saw Greyback.

Stepping back into the doorway of Honeydukes, he watched and tried to burn their image into his brain. Not one looked familiar, not one wore robes and not one had so much as a decent pair of shoes. Greyback was dressed in wizard's robes, the rest in the clothes of plain workers.

Remus pressed back into the doorway as far as he could and still see the men. He saw what looked like the youngest of the group looking up and down the road, pointing out things to the others and laughing. A Muggle, Remus thought, but then wondered how he could see the magical place that should be hidden from his eyes. The longer he stood and watched, the more convinced he became and finally when Aberforth came, and let them in for a drink and the warmth of the fire, he stepped out of the shadows, pulling his hood over his head, and hurried back up the hill. He needed to see Dumbledore and if he had to, force him into doing something.

"We can't be sure they are werewolves. There could be a number of reasons they were in town with Greyback," Albus argued.

"They are Muggles. I know that as sure as I am sitting here. They can see it…they can see everything. It's because they are magical creatures now. Headmaster…I am sure of it. More sure than I have been about anything."

"Will you allow me to have your memories?" Albus asked stalking to one of his glass display cases and collecting a vial.

"If I have your promise that…"

"My promise? You overstep your bounds, Mr. Lupin." The Headmaster said evenly.

"I…I'm sorry sir, but if you had been there, if you had heard her…I can't pretend it didn't happen."

"No one is asking you to. We must make sure that they are as you say, and if there are more we need to find them as well." He set the vial down on the desk and pulled his wand, turning to Remus.

.

.

.

Remus spent the rest of the holidays in the library or walking alone outside. At meal times he sat as far away from the other students as possible and avoided all conversations, feeling older and no longer worried about the coming exams or who was dating who and why. Twice he saw Lucius Malfoy on the grounds, each time with one of the seventh-year Slytherins and only stepped back into the shadows to watch.

When an owl came during the morning meal and dropped a letter in front of Remus, he was surprised to see to it was from Lucy. Ripping open the envelope, he eagerly read the short note, telling him she would be in London the coming day. He leaned back in his chair and frowned, then looked up to the dais where Albus sat watching him closely. He nodded to the old man and left the Great Hall, going directly to the Headmaster's office where he was soon joined by Dumbledore.

"Look at this," Remus said, shoving the note at Albus. "It's not from her. I know its not. She would never send an owl here, and she would never tell me she was going to be in London like this."

"Do you recognise the handwriting?" Albus studied the missive in the light by the window.

"No, but…no…I just know…she wouldn't…she wouldn't word it that way…not as if she were just coming for the shopping and say we could meet for tea…its not like her."

Albus studied his face and nodded, walked to the floo and fell to his knees, speaking softly and giving orders to someone to travel to Germany to check on Miss Spencer. Standing up slowly, he turned back to Remus, waving him to the desk.

"We will know shortly if she is well. I am also taking the liberty of assigning someone to watch her," Albus said, peering over his glasses. "Do not alarm yourself. She will have no knowledge of it."

"What about the letter?"

"We have no way of…"

"Not that, I think I should show up and see who sent it, and if it's a trap we can turn it on him."

"That would be most unwise, Mr. Lupin. However, as to our previous problem I have discovered the identity of the poor unfortunate woman you encountered last night." Albus pushed a copy of a Ministry report across the desk.

"That's her," Remus tapped the picture paper clipped to the report as his eyes scanned the form, "she looked older, but I know that was her."

"An old student of mine," Albus sighed deeply. "She had been missing from her home for two weeks before the incident."

"Two weeks?" Remus swallowed hard. "She must have known what they planned."

"Yes, I imagine Greyback would have delighted in her fear."

"I'm going to London. With or without your approval," Remus said, softly, running the pad of his thumb over the face in the picture. "She at least deserves that much."

"The one thing has nothing to do with the other."

"I think it may," Remus frowned. "I could tell the difference in each man's smell. With a little practice, I think I could identify them by it. If they smelled me, and I am sure they could, it wouldn't be hard to think they could tell who I was."

Albus sat quietly, considering what Remus had just said before nodding his head and leaning forward. "Many of the unfortunates that find themselves with your disability have left this world, finding it easier to live with Muggles. A great number of Muggles have also been infected, more so as of late."

"So, it is possible that someone I've come across recognized me, and if he did…he knows where I live."

"Rhea will be moved before the day is out," Albus said, standing. "For now I want you to retire to your rooms. If you are going on a trip tomorrow, I want you well rested. Understand, Mr. Lupin, that you will have an escort."

.

.

The next morning found Remus walking through the shops at Piccadilly Square, watching not the goods in the windows, but the passers-by and sales assistants. He had been at it an hour when he heard familiar laughter and found James and Sirius in the next aisle, browsing though the latest record albums.

"Fancy this," he said quietly, standing behind them and looking over their shoulders.

"Blimey, Moony," James laughed, slapping him on the shoulder. "What are the chances of us all getting free at the same time. You are brilliant?"

"I thought you two were in hiding," Remus asked, looking around for someone watching them, feeling uncomfortable.

"Mum thinks we are in Diagon picking up a few things for school," James laughed. "When we got your letter we couldn't just pass it up."

"My…there was no letter. We need to get out of here," Remus yanked James' arm and pulled him towards the exit. "Where's Wormtail?"

"He owled, he can't make it until later," Sirius said, following behind. "He should be there any minute now."

"Where?" Remus demanded as he pushed open the door and they stepped out to the busy street.

"The Cauldron. Hey, come on now, it's you that was late," James complained, pulling away from Remus. "What the fuck climbed up your arse?"

"Listen," Remus said, running his hand through his hair, desperately searching the crowd on the sidewalk for one of the Order members. "We've been set up. You two get the fuck out of here. I'll find Peter."

"We'll go with you," James said firmly.

"No," Sirius said nervously, "Come on Prongs, you need to get home. I'll go with him."

"Not alone," Remus cautioned. "James, let him go with you. It's a fair way to the apparation point."

"He's right, Prongs," Sirius said, sliding his hand in his pocket, fingering his wand.

Remus watched them disappear into the crowd as he continued searching for whomever Albus had sent to watch him, finally seeing Arthur Weasley leaning against a building looking back at him. He nodded at Remus and put a finger to his lips, then looked toward where James and Sirius had disappeared, indicating, with another nod, Frank Longbottom who was sauntering after them.

Feeling somewhat better, Remus turned to make his way to the Leaky Cauldron, knowing it could take longer than he had.

"Got a taxi waiting," Moody's voice cut into his thoughts as he grabbed Remus' arm and he yanked him to the curb. "Not much of a candidate for the Order if I can walk up on you unnoticed."

"We have to get to Peter, he is at the Cauldron," Remus said in a rush.

"Nope, Alice is picking him up as we speak." Moody opened the back door of the taxi and pushed him in. "You know what's going on?"

"No…I got a letter…I was supposed to meet someone here. I know it's a ruse, but…they all got one. I talked to the Headmaster about it."

"That Pettigrew kid, Potter's Mum saw his owl and got hold of the letter. Suspicious she was, good thing that."

"Who would want the four of us together? I mean, if someone meant harm, wouldn't it make more sense to pick us off by ourselves?"

"Don't know about that," Moody grumbled as the taxi sped away. "We got a stop to make. Now you just wait till I explain before you go getting all upset."

Remus snapped his head up to the front, looking out the windscreen and saw the driver veer to the left whereas he knew the way to the Cauldron and they would have normally have gone to the right.

"The Ministry? You are taking me to the fucking Ministry?"

"Yup," Moody leaned back and scowled at Remus. "I call it that myself sometimes but your Mum hears that and I don't care how all grown up you think you are…"

"The Headmaster said she was going to be hidden…"

"She is lad," Moody sighed. "Don't go worrying about her now. You need to know what's going to happen when we get there..."

This time the Ministry was much more careful with their procedures. Making sure that a Healer from St. Mungo's was present for the examination, they did not send him away until the papers were signed and filed, and Remus' birth certificate changed to reflect his new status as creature. At that point, Remus was informed that as a non-human he could no longer seek medical care at St. Mungo's and was given a list of vets that he could see for any injuries.

They led him to a small windowless office where they gave him a pamphlet that contained the rules werewolves were under, and sat in one of its two chairs as a clerk nervously read aloud. He watched as she squirmed on the chair across the table from him, occasionally lifting her eyes to meet his and was sure he saw her sympathy.

He reached across the table and laid his hand on hers. "You don't have to do this. I know the rules and I could read that myself."

"I am sorry," she whispered, looking at the closed door nervously. "This is wrong. I am so sorry."

"It's okay," he said softly, finding it strange that he should want to reassure her. "It's nothing I wasn't expecting."

"Mr. Lupin," she whispered, leaning forward. "Don't lose your temper. Please. Your file has a note about last time and if you do it again…if you do it again they can…they can restrain you."

"I know," he chuckled.

"It's not funny," she said seriously. "There are those that want all werewolves exterminated."

Remus stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Are we done?"

"Yes." She stood and nodded, handing him a form. "Have your sponsor sign this. It just says he or she will be responsible for you during your transformations."

He folded it and put it in his pocket as she told him his wand would be waiting at the rear entrance and that he was no longer allowed to use the visitor entrance in the front. After slowly walking to the back hallway, he followed the signs to the entrance she had spoken of, aware of the wizards that averted their eyes as if ashamed to look at him, and the ones that openly stared, tossing out rude remarks, not caring that he heard.

A big beefy man sat next to the door, a box of wands thrown haphazardly into a box next to his feet. Grabbing one, he tossed it to Remus with a smirk, informing him that since he was not human the wand would not matter. Remus stood calmly, and lifted his hand, muttering a quiet Accio as his wand flew up and smacked against the palm of his hand.

He stood up straight and tucked his wand into his waistband, lifted his chin and nodded curtly to the guard before pushing the door open and stepping out into the sun. Stopping, he lifted his head to the sky and welcomed the cold as he breathed heavily with closed eyes, calming his nerves and making certain that he did not let full light into his pupils. He smiled as he began to walk back to Diagon Alley, thinking of Rhea and all the years of training she had drilled into him, knowing he would not have survived if she had not.


	50. Potter's Test

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 50**

**Potter's Test**

**

* * *

**

"Mr. Lupin, this way," Albus greeted Remus at the main door of the castle, turning in a flurry of yellow robes and blue stars, hurrying back to the circular staircase.

Remus ran behind him, confused and alerted that something had happened. He ran up the steps, taking them two at a time, rushing into the Headmaster's Office where he saw James standing the window, Sirius next to him, his arm draped over James' shoulder as Peter paced in front of the fireplace, twisting a knitted cap in his hands.

"Mr. Potter?" The Headmaster put a gentle hand on James' shoulder and leaned forward to talk softly in his ear. "Mr. Lupin has returned."

James turned to study Remus, his eyes red and swollen, his jaw clenched in anger. "What the fuck did you know about this?"

"About what?" Remus said slowly. "Padfoot? What's wrong?"

"It seems Mr. Potter returned home from today's excursion to find his father's wards had been breached. Both of his parents are dead, Mr. Lupin."

Remus snapped his eyes to lock on Potter. "My gods, Prongs…I…I don't know anything more than you."

"Come on, James," Sirius tightened his hold on his friend's shoulders, giving him a slight shake, "you know better."

"Don't," James twisted away from Sirius, angrily sneering at him as he did and then turned back to rage at Remus. "I heard your mother was protected by the Order. How convenient that you made sure she was safe while mine was being butchered! You even made sure that fucking whore of yours was taken care of!"

"Prongs, no," Remus said softly, closing the distance between them, raising his hand to the Headmaster, silencing his protests and ignoring the comment about Lucy, knowing it was James' anger that was talking. "We all got letters. Someone planned this. Probably someone that they were already hiding from."

"Was anyone else attacked?" Peter asked the Headmaster, his own voice cracking.

"Not that we know of, Mr. Pettigrew. We have members out at this very minute checking on all your family members."

"I should have stayed home," James sobbed, "I should have done something."

"Don't think that, it's too late to undo it," Sirius tried to reason with him. "Headmaster, there must have been half dozen at least. The whole…"

"Not now, Mr. Black." The Headmaster cut him off, not wanting to go over the grizzly details again in front of James. "I would like for you to bring me the letters you each received. I am already aware of Mr. Lupin's and I am sure the Ministry will send someone to talk to you..."

"James, please, you have to believe me…you know I would never…"

"Then where the fuck have you been?" James raged. "Why didn't you come back?"

"Prongs, I was at the Ministry…they finished…they…I'm registered now," Remus said, swallowing hard, fighting back his own tears.

"Maybe they knew that's where he would be," Sirius suggested.

"You have to believe me," Remus pleaded, looking to the Headmaster for help. "I couldn't…James, please. You know me better than that."

"I know," James admitted, slumping into a chair, leaning forward and letting his sobs rack through his body. "But it doesn't make sense. Who did they ever hurt? Why? Just tell me why my Mum and Dad were butchered like that while people like Greyback go free. Your folks hid a fucking werewolf…what did mine do?''

"He didn't mean anything by it," Sirius said, standing behind the chair, massaging James' shoulders, his own eyes full of tears. "He…they are all he had."

Remus swallowed hard, squatted down in front of James and laid his hand over James'. "I don't know who it was, Prongs, I wish that I did."

"What now?" James looked into Remus' face, looking lost and afraid. "I don't know what to do. What do I do?"

Remus swallowed and looked over James' back to Sirius, who was wiping his arm across his eyes, unable to talk.

"We will figure it out," Remus choked.

"Prongs?" Peter leaned over and whispered. "If you want I will make the arrangements. It's not something you should have to do right now. I could do it."

"Good idea," Remus stood up, putting his hand on Peter's shoulder. "James? Is there anyone…Headmaster?"

"No." The Headmaster shook his head. "I am sure the Daily Prophet will do a sufficient job of notification. I do believe there is a beautiful place in Godric's Hollow that you may look into. I will make sure Mr. Prewett is not far behind to offer protection."

Remus leaned forward and wrapped his arms around James, saying nothing, not able to think of words that could convey what he felt. He nodded to Peter, who after whispering his encouragement to James joined him for their trip to make burial arrangements.

By the time they returned and gave the information to the Headmaster, Remus was exhausted. Trudging up the stairs to the dorm room, he was at first surprised to see James sleeping and Sirius sitting on the foot of his bed watching him. Then, noticing the half- empty vial of dreamless sleep on the nightstand he knew that Madame Pomfrey was trying to make his first day easier.

"How is he?" Remus asked, sitting on the edge of his bed, tugging off his boots.

"Okay, I guess. He's sort of out of it now. They gave him that," he nodded to the nightstand, "but…gods, Moony…it was awful. No one should see their folks that way."

"He knows I didn't…"

"Yeah, don't worry about it. He was just crazy there for a while. He said I dragged him out, accused me of knowing what was coming," Sirius said, trying to laugh. "He even accused Peter and his father before he got to you. Whoever was in front of him, even the Headmaster. Said the old man protected everyone else's family but his, so he must have wanted them dead. First time I almost felt sorry for Dumbledore. Should have seen his face. I never thought I would see him like that."

"What is he going to do now?" Peter asked, undressing and climbing into bed wearing only his boxers.

"He hasn't had time to think," Sirius sighed. "Lily was nice. She offered to let us spend the rest of the holidays with her, but somehow I think her Mum may not approve."

"Don't, you'd put her whole family at risk," Remus muttered. "He really does care for her, doesn't he."

"Yeah, I don't think he could have held it together as well as he did without her."

"What about the place you were in?"

"Wouldn't take him back there." Sirius leaned his head back against on one of the bedposts. "Dumbledore said he will have it cleaned up…but I don't think he could look at it and not see what it was like."

"Give him time," Remus sighed, lying down on his side and pulling the blankets up.

"Ya know what I was thinking about Moony?" Sirius asked laughing. "That time up on the tower, remember? We said we would die before all this was over."

"I remember," Remus said quietly.

"I always thought we would die first. Ya know? Before everyone we loved did."

"Yeah, well…guess it's too late for that."

.

.

.

Sirius and James stayed at Hogwarts. Peter reluctantly left, after apologising that his father wanted him home, but inwardly proud and happy to be returning to his family. The fact that he was the only one of the four that still had a home to go to was not lost on the others. Sirius shrugged and tried to laugh it off while Potter and Remus remained silent, both wondering if Peter would have better off without his.

The students returned, lessons began, and the boys fell into the familiar rhythm of Hogwarts. Remus had asked the Headmaster to forward his letters to Lucy and to his mum and had been told of a squib living in London that was part of the Order. He made the trip into the city without mentioning what he was doing to the others, not wanting them to follow and put themselves at risk.

Gideon and Fabian Prewett introduced him to the small timid looking woman who patted him kindly on the back and promised she would get the letters to their destination. The three wizards sat politely and drank tea, Remus lost in the conversation of who was doing what, who had joined the Order and who was at risk.

Arabella put her cup down carefully and studied Remus. "You know why they are speaking so freely in front of you?"

"I would guess that as a werewolf I wouldn't …"

"Oh, no, son," she smiled kindly, "Albus has mentioned that you wish to join our little group."

"Yes, he said I was too young."

"Not at all, lad." She reached over and patted his leg. "You are still a student. Once you are done at Hogwarts things will change."

Fabian chuckled and poured himself a second cup of tea. "Albus chose Miss Figg as your…contact…in London for a reason. Although she is not able to help us in the field, she is invaluable in our other endeavours."

"I do what I can," she said proudly.

"Miss Figg has offered her home as a safe place," Gideon leaned forward, studying Remus. "That's not to say that we want you to live here, quite the opposite. We want you to stay away. If you have further letters to send meet her somewhere away from here."

"My home is to be used in an emergency," Miss Figg said. "If you ever need to escape quickly, and have no idea where to go, no safe place as it is, you may come here. However, only in extreme emergency, only in the darkest of times."

"The time will come when you can no longer use the floo to the Alley and will find yourself unwelcome at the apparation points. You have to find your own transportation when that happens, but if you are cornered, with no other way out…come here." Fabian watched him closely, making sure he saw a nod of understanding.

"This is to go no further," Miss Figg was quick to add. "Only us four, the Headmaster and Professor McGonagall know of our arrangement."

"We should be leaving," Gideon said, standing up and offering his hand to Arabella. "Again, you have been most kind."

"Remus," she said, clasping his hand in both of hers. "You must be careful and must not mention anything in your letters that could put your mother or Miss. Spencer in danger. I do what I can, but I cannot guarantee anything. I can only help in these little ways."

"I understand."

"Good," she said, handing him back his letter to Lucy. "This one you may deliver yourself. She is at the Museum of Natural History. I am sure you can find her."

Remus snapped his eyes up and grinned. Grabbing the squib by the shoulders, he gave her a quick hug before running out the door, hearing the brother's laughter behind him.

Remus didn't get back to Hogwarts until the sun was just coming up. Walking as quietly as he could he, he was just pulling the blankets back when he heard a movement behind him. Spinning around with his wand already in his hand he saw Potter standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, couldn't sleep," James said quietly.

Remus joined him as they moved to the common room, sitting on a long couch that faced the fire.

"I saw Lucy," Remus said smiling. "She was in town doing some research for one of her papers."

"You don't talk about her much," James said quietly. "Sirius told me what I said about her, I don't even remember it. Fuck, man…I didn't mean it you've got to believe that."

"Yeah," Remus shrugged, "you never did seem to like her."

"Does that matter?"

Remus studied his face and nodded slowly. "Yeah, yeah it does. You guys mean a lot to me and I don't want you to…"

"I've been a prat. I didn't like that you spent more time with her than you did with us." James smirked and tried to shrug it off. "Sounds stupid when I say it out loud."

"No, not stupid," Remus sighed. "Have you decided what you are going to do when we get out of here?"

"Padfoot is going to stay with me. He doesn't have any place to go and I don't want to be alone. Peter says his dad has a job lined up for him, some sort of…guard or something down at Gringotts. What about you?"

"I can't very well get a job . I thought Peter was going to work in Hogsmeade."

"Changed his mind I guess. What about your place?"

"Mum still owns it, her and John, but I can't go there. John being an Auror, and …I won't put them in more risk than they already are. Anyway, she is in hiding somewhere. They won't even tell me where. I think they are afraid if I get caught I may talk."

"No, don't think that. There are potions and stuff, don't think they don't trust you. What happens when the moon changes?"

"Don't know yet," he sighed, staring into the fire. "There is a new potion out that seems to work but it's bloody expensive. I'm going to try to find work in the Muggle world this summer. I'm a pretty good farm hand."

"Big call for that sort of thing?" James laughed. "You're fucked, you know that right?"

"Yeah, I've known it for a long time now." Remus grinned, leaning back and resting against the back of the couch. "I want out of here so badly it's driving me crazy, but I don't want it to end. Does that make sense?"

Potter only nodded and left for the dorm, leaving Remus to sit by himself, watching the fire, and thinking of Lucy.

.

.

The rest of the term was uneventful. More rumours of what was happening in the outside world still reached them, despite the restrictions the Headmaster continued to impose in hopes of sheltering the students. James spent more time with Lily, sitting in the common room and listening to her stories of Muggle life, and her unspoken hints that when school was over they all return to it with her. Remus had seen Peter in the courtyard, arguing with his father, but when he acted as if he did not want to talk about it, Remus let the matter drop. It seemed to him most families were at odds with one other and even when Sirius mentioned his aunt it was clear that her husband's Muggle family wanted no part of them.

"Wake up," Sirius was leaning over Remus, pushing his shoulder. "Wormtail has something he nicked from his dad he wants to show us."

"In the morning," Remus grumbled, trying to bury his head under the pillow. "I just got to sleep. I need to…"

"Moony, it looks important, come on," James whispered as he dashed out of the room headed for the Astronomy Tower.

"This better be good." Remus muttered as he followed behind, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Peter spread out a piece of parchment on the stone floor, then sat back on his heels grinning. "I copied it, but it's just like the one he has. Really, I used a spell."

Remus lowered himself to the floor, sitting between Sirius and James as they tried to make sense of what they were looking at. "It's the list of He-who-must-not-be-named's troops."

"No shite," James breathed leaning closer to the parchment. "Did you show Dumbledore?"

"Dad says he knows, says that's what he is hiding from us…you know, not letting the papers in and all. That Order of his raided Yaxley's and got his copy. Dad threw his in the fireplace but I got it out in time to make this."

"Inferi?" Remus said, looking up at Peter. "He has Inferi?"

"Yeah, hasn't used them yet. Bet he is saving them for something big. And look here, giants. He is getting the giants on his side."

"Fuck," James said, his voice shaking as he rose unsteadily to his feet. "I need to see the Headmaster. I need to know…"

"Padfoot?" Sirius stood with him.

"My folks…could he…?"

"Bloody hell," Remus ran his hand though his hair, suddenly aware of what Potter was worried about. "No, James, they are okay."

"I didn't see them. I.."

"I did," Remus cut in, "Pete and I, we stayed until they were brought to the undertakers and the undertaker sealed the coffins. They are safe."

James sat back down, swiping his arm over his eyes. "Where in bloody hell did that fucker get so many?"

"He must be a lot more powerful then Dumbledore," Peter said quietly. "It takes a lot of power to raise a corpse and even more to bewitch it to do what the wizard says. I'd hate to face him in a duel. This says he has a whole army."

"We need to hit the library," Sirius said solemnly. "I want to find out if he can be using the Muggles or does the…the deceased…need to be a wizard."

"Don't matter," Peter said, folding up the paper and putting it back in his pocket. "You just need to kill them yourself."

"Fuck," Remus muttered. "He…he killed that many himself?"

"Yeah," Peter shrugged. "Thought everyone knew that. Not one at a time, he can do it by…you know…an accident on the train, or…something with a lot of people. All he has to do to…"

"He started in Albania," James said quietly, looking at the floor. "Mum used to say they was crazy, that is was just a rumour, not about the Inferi, I don't think Dad knew about that. But that fucker was holding up in Albania just after the Muggle war and…he did what he wanted."

Remus lay in bed later that night playing over the conversation in his head and thinking about Lucy. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her stepping out of a grave and Tiffany waiting for her, the Potters standing behind them. Sitting up he breathed deeply, adjusting his eyes to the darkness in the room and tried to lie down again, hoping to rest if not to sleep.

He sometimes thought it would have better if she had not come to London, if he had not be able to hold her, to hear her voice or to get lost in her the way he always did when she was near. He had steeled himself against her absence, then, when she had looked up from the library table and smiled at him he felt the world again spin out of control and his resolve melt away. When she had leaned over the table and whispered in his ear, he had wanted to grab her and keep her here. When she had taken his hand and led him back to her room, he had pretended with her, pretended that they were normal, that nothing could stop them from being together, and that all the talk of war and death belonged to someone else. Now, he rolled over to his side, pulling his pillow into his arms and fought to hide his tears, knowing that what they had was only a dream.


	51. Leaving Hogwarts

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 51**

**Leaving Hogwarts**

**

* * *

**

"You two be careful. And make sure he doesn't muck it up with Lily," Remus muttered into Sirius' neck as he hugged him then pushed him away, slapping him on the shoulders before turning to James and doing the same. "I'll let you know where I am as soon as I get settled. Rosmerta may let me hole up with her for a while. She has some work that needs getting done."

"Right," James said quietly, looking down the almost empty platform. "Where the fuck is he?"

"His father collected him," Remus said with a hint of surprise in his voice. "Rat didn't even say goodbye?"

"He wouldn't if his dad was with him," Sirius said quietly.

"We are trying to get him to come live with us," James admitted. "If we can figure out a…a…pen or something…not to use…just to show those bastards down at the Ministry we want you there."

"No," Remus said quickly. "There's a cellar I can use, friend of mine owns it and if I can get some potion no one will even know I'm down there. You don't need me hanging around."

"Come on, Moony, we have two weeks before…" James started.

"I said no. Your parents have already been killed and I won't risk the two of you. Now, go. You are going to miss the train. I'll be fine."

James and Sirius picked up their backpacks and hurried along the platform, catching up with the moving train and hopping into the open door. Remus waited until he saw them leaning out a window to lift his arm and wave before picking up his own backpack and heading to Hogsmeade. He was almost to the far end of the lake when he heard someone calling his name and turned back to see Madam Pomfrey hurrying down the road, tufts of dust swirling around the hems of her robes and she ran.

"You, you wait right there!" she sputtered trying to catch her breath.

"Here," he smirked, taking her arm and leading her to a shady spot of ground under a nearby tree. "You could have sent an owl or your Patronus you know."

"From Enforcement of Magical Creatures," she thrust a piece of parchment in his hand before nearly collapsing on the ground. "I am sure they sent it late on purpose. They waited until the train left thinking you would be on it so they could nab you at the other end."

Remus unfolded the parchment and read the new rules that had just been enacted against werewolves. The first on the list was a new restriction on riding public transportation.

"They plan to met the train and pick me up in London." He said flatly. "I like number two, I can no longer eat in public or take part in public celebrations and festivities. That's going to be hard since I still don't have a place."

"Mr. Lupin, the Headmaster is preparing to go to the Ministry at once. This is totally uncalled for."

"Number three, _Werewolves are themselves creatures_. _Therefore may have no ownership or dominion over other creatures or animals_. What the fuck does that mean?"

"Owls, Mr. Lupin. Hence why I came running down the path almost giving my self a heart attack." Poppy scowled at his language. "I imagine it is also intended to keep you from running your mother's farm."

"Number four is self explanatory." He squatted down in front of her and handed her the parchment. "You shouldn't have come. You have broken it by warning me. If they find out they will fine you and I know you are not a rich enough to be throwing your gold around."

She reached in her pocket and pressed a small bag into his hand. "It is number five, restricting your travel that tells us they will be looking for you and you won't have the Headmaster to help. Now you take this, no…do not pull away. I may not be rich, but I have this to spare. You can pay me back someday, but you take it and you get away from here."

"I can't accept it. No, Poppy," he whispered, using her nickname for the first time. "You don't know if you will still have a job when this is over."

"I don't know if I will be _alive_ when this is over and I would rather see you drink it down at the Hogshead than have it in that monster's pocket."

Remus shoved the bag in his pocket, promising to pay her back and consider it a loan as he helped her to stand, kissing her lightly on her cheeks. "You were there the first time I went in that tunnel and I know you were watching over me the last time. If you had refused me all those year ago, if you had even hinted that I should leave, I never would have finished school. I am in your debt."

"What will you do?" She asked, trying to keep her tears in check.

"I think I will take some time and…and walk," he said grinning and slipped his backpack off his shoulder. "If you could store this way for me. Walking around with that and it is obvious I am _travelling. _If someone can use my robes …I won't have much use for them for a while. I left my uniforms in my room, maybe you can find someone that has need of them."

"Your robes will be waiting when you get back. You go to Gringotts…no, do not go there, they may be watching. Find someone to exchange that gold for pounds. You will need real Muggle money."

Remus stayed in Hogsmeade, using the cellar at the Three Broomsticks that first change on his own. With no potion, and no friends to help him, he had to rely on Rosmerta's silencing spells. He was surprised when she led him down to the cellar and waited patiently for him to strip off his shirt then lathered healing potion over his arms. Picking up a blanket she held it high enough to afford him some privacy as he took off his trousers, then wrapping the blanket around his waist she fell to her knees to smear his legs.

"I have some of your brother's clothes in the cupboard. Never could bring myself to toss them," she said evenly as she pushed him around to rub potion on the backs of his legs. "You won't get far with those on. You have to start wearing clothes that blend in, not those trousers they got you wearing up at Hogwarts. Shoes too. I'll get you boots, and a jacket. I think Romulus had one about you size. Brown it is, with patches on the elbows."

"Romulus?"

"He called himself that. Thought Marcus would be too recognizable. I didn't know about you then or why he chose to use his middle name until…well, just not at the beginning." She stood up slowly, picking up his clothing as she did.

"Ro?" he said, hesitating to ask anything of her. "My mum and John, could you…do you ever see them?"

"I won't send them an owl if that's what you're after. If they stop in I'll mention you, but I won't go looking for her and you shouldn't either." She turned back at the door and cast her eyes around the enclosure. "There, you should be safe now. And, Remus? Moody will make sure your folks hear about your grades and let them know you are getting on. Git was in here bragging as if were he that took the exams himself just this morning. That proud he was. Even that old fool Aberforth said you did real good and he's never cared about the likes of that before. You have friends here, you don't go forgetting that."

Remus allowed Rosmerta to take him by floo the next day where he stepped out of the Leaky Cauldron into London. He felt a weight lift from his shoulders and thought that for once in his life he would take time for himself. For a month he could put aside who and what he was and ignore everything that was happening. Making his way to a phone booth he dialled the number he had for Miss Figg, and once she agreed to exchange his gold for Muggle money he happily set off to meet her.

"Thanks," he smiled, shoving the money in his pocket. "I'm not allowed…"

"There, there, dear, I am quite aware of your restrictions," she pursed her lips together and studied his face. "So, I take it you are going to the continent to see your young lady?"

"Umm, well…if I can get over there, yeah."

"Take the train to Dover, they won't be watching the Muggle ways yet. The ferry only costs twelve pound from there to Calais, make sure you get a return ticket and for heavens sake don't act so glum. It draws attention," she said squinting up at him. "I don't know how much the trains cost from there to where your young lady lives."

"If I can get there I can apparate back in stages," he muttered. "I should be off the grid in Germany, at least until they find out about her."

It took him two days to make the trip. After managing to catch the last ferry, he found he had missed the train and spent the night walking along the quiet streets, ducking into shadows at every sound. In the morning, he made due with a cup of coffee and a sweet roll, not knowing how far his funds would stretch.

Once he reached the University he wandered around, not knowing where to find her, watching as the students milled around the campus. After nearly half the day, he found her, sitting outside on the lawn, surrounded by other students, throwing her head back and laughing. Leaning against a tree, he stopped to watch her, not wanting to barge in on her friends, and wanting to watch her as others saw her. She lowered her head, tilted it to the left and frowned. He didn't hear what she said to the boy next to her, but saw her begin to search the grounds, twisting around to look behind her before turning towards him.

"Remus!" She squealed, standing up so quickly she stumbled and would have fallen if her friend had not grabbed her arm.

She tore across the lawn, calling his name and smiling as she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing her legs up around his hips.

"I take it you are happy to see me?" He laughed, holding her tightly and burying his face in her hair. "Gods you smell good."

"I expected you two weeks ago," she said happily. "I thought something had happened, that you wouldn't come. That you didn't want me anymore."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"One letter. I got one letter from you."

"One more then I got from you."

"No." She frowned, lowering her legs and stepping back. "Remus, I wrote once a week. I promise."

"You knew I was here," he grinned, reaching up and cupping her face in his hands, letting her comment about the letters drop. "You felt me."

"I'm a squib…not completely without magic. Just not enough to use for anything," She stood on her toes and kissed him soundly, unable to do more because of the smile on her face. "Come meet my friends? Please? I talk about you so much but they never see you….I don't think they believe I have a boyfriend or that you would really come."

"Potter's parents…they were killed," he blurted out.

Lucy held both of his hands in hers and studied his face. "Oh, no…do you know why?"

"No, other than they didn't agree with…the bastard."

"I'm so sorry, Remus. Tell Potter for me? Please? Tell him I didn't know. I would have come to the funeral."

"That's why he didn't tell anyone. He was afraid anyone that came would be stating their allegiance."

"How awful. To think that he couldn't even bury his parents without putting someone at risk."

"How's your Mum?"

"She's missing." Lucy locked her eyes on his, her smile slipping. "I guess we both know what that means. I haven't seen her for over two months now."

"Lucy," he breathed, covering her hand with his, a flash of blood spilling onto a barn's floor and her uncle closing the door flew to his memory. "We would have heard something. You have to keep believing that."

"I can't do this now. I want to be happy and show you off to everyone." She grabbed his hand and tugged him along to her friends that were still lounging of the ground watching her. "You have to meet them. Oh, Remus, you are going to love it here…I know you will."

They spent the day with Lucy's friends, heading for a beer when the sun started to go down, walking arm and arm like any other couple. Remus was at ease, and admitted later that he was pleasantly surprised at how readily he was accepted. One of the girls made a comment about a recent cut to his cheek and had reached out to touch the back of his hands, laughing and telling him what ever he was doing he needed to find a new line of work. Lucy had smiled and told them Remus was a master at Latin and translations from ancient Greek, suggesting some of the newer students may do well to hire him as a tutor.

When the beer hall closed, they strolled back to her rooms where they sat for hours talking, Remus' arms wrapped around her, her head on his shoulder. When he saw her yawn, he chuckled and chided her about being easily bored, only to be delighted when she took his hand and led him to the bedroom. As they lay together, she prattled on about her mother and what she had seen the past year. Remus became more and more uncomfortable. Finally pushing her to her back, he leaned over her and grinned at her look of surprise at the suddenness of his move.

"I want to see this cabin of yours."

"Now?"

"In the morning."

"We have plans…we are supposed to meet everyone."

"I want to be alone with you," he said with a grin. "I like your friends but I want you and I don't feel like sharing."

"I have to be back Tuesday for class."

"I'll have you back," he frowned. "If you don't want to…"

"No, I…no. I want to go…I have only apparated there. I don't know if I can find it."

"If not we will come back," he chuckled. "We have to find a broom. Is there someplace around here that may have a used one?"

"There is only one place that I know of. It's not far. They are terribly expensive."

In the morning, Remus and Lucy found a serviceable broom and he let her haggle price until she managed to turn the purchase into only a rental. Even at that, as Remus paid he knew it would be hard to make the trip back with what little he had left.

Remus pushed off from the ground and headed south, waiting to feel her tap his shoulder and point to a change in their course. Twice they circled back as she realized they had gone too far, and finally found the small cabin she had shared with her mother.

"Told you it wasn't much," she laughed as she climbed off the broom. "It has a shed you can use and we are miles from anyone else so you wouldn't have to be locked up if we came here every month."

"Lucy, until Tuesday…let's not talk about it."

"It doesn't bother me. You should know that by now."

"I know, but just this once I don't want to do anything but make love to you."

"Ah," she laughed. "That's why you wanted me up here."

"I have a lot of time to make up for. You have no idea of how hard it's been not having you around."

"I think I do." She stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. "Come on, let's check out the cabin."

The next morning, and every morning until the last, Remus rose with the sun and was dressed before Lucy had even stirred. Sitting next to the bed, sipping a cup of tea, he waited for her to wake, just wanting to be near.

"Up already?" She stretched and rolled to her back. "You could wake me up and take advantage of me you know. I liked it when you did that last summer."

"We have to leave today, and I have to get back to Scotland."

"What?" she asked, sitting up.

"You knew this was just a visit."

"You said we would be together. That we would have the entire summer once my classes ended. Only two more weeks and I will be free."

"We are, what do you call this?" He leaned down and kissed her quickly. "I'm starving. Let's find something to eat."

"I need to go out," she muttered, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed.

"Out? Out where?"

"Just out," she said, avoiding his eyes as she scooped her clothes up from the floor and hurried towards the loo only to have Remus climb over the end of the bed and grab her.

"What's wrong? Talk to me."

"Not now," she said, her voice breaking. "I told myself I wouldn't cry. I refuse to cry."

"Lucy, I missed something here."

"It's nothing. I knew it…I knew you would leave…that you lied to me."

"Then come back to bed with me. You're right…I should ravish you again."

"No."

He released her arms and raked his hands through his hair, not knowing what he had done. "l can bloody well say you enjoyed yourself last night, so I know I didn't hurt you. You were fine when you went to sleep, so what the bloody hell just happened?"

"Is this all it is to you? Sex? Is that the only reason you came?" She felt her eyes well with tears and cursed herself, sniffing in an effort to compose herself.

"You know better."

"Do I? You promised. You promised we would be together, that when you finished school we would…"

"I never said I would stay with you…I said we could be together…we are," he turned back to the bed and sat on its edge.

"You said we would make plans. You said if I waited until now…" she whispered, unable to continue.

"You know I can't stay here. You've always known that."

"How? Do you think I am a mind reader? Fine. You should leave," she said evenly. "Leave. Go back to your precious friends. I spend almost a year waiting for you and then you plan on running off in less than a …"

"You know what's happening! I told you I won't leave England until it's over!"

"And then what? What will change then?"

"Nothing," he muttered.

"Did you ever want to marry me? Or was that just something I dreamed up? Is that what you…"

He crossed to her so quickly she stepped back. He grabbed her upper arms, fighting not to shake her, seeing a sudden fear in her eyes and felt her pulling against him as he shoved her away in disgust. "I won't hurt you."

"You already have," she spat. "I thought you loved me…you said…"

"I do."He grabbed her again and pulled her to his chest, feeling her sobs and fought not to do the same. "I can't marry, don't you understand? Don't you understand what is happening?"

"Not here," she said hopefully. "We could live like Muggles. It's not so hard. You just have to get used to it. You could come here every month…you can apparate now that you've seen it."

"I can't. I won't do that to you."

"Bastard!" She pushed him away only to slap his face. "I am good enough to fuck but not good enough for you or your precious world? Not good enough for your precious friends? You've known this all along. All this time you knew you never wanted me and just let me go on thinking someday we could be together…really together."

"I am a werewolf," he said through clenched teeth. "How in the world did you ever think marriage was in my future?"

"And I am a squib. We don't have to marry…just stay with me. Muggles do it all the time. It's not like the Wizarding world. No one cares if you are married or not. Live here, like you said you would."

"It's time to go." He picked up his coat and scowled at her. "Get dressed. I have to take you back first. We can apparate, it will be faster."

When they arrived back at the University, in a small passageway between buildings he nodded at her and gave her the broom he had shrunk and tucked into his pocket to return to the shop. As he stepped back to apparate to the train station, she reached out her hand stopping him.

"Say something," she said. "Tell me you don't love me…that you never want to see me and I can let you go. Say something damned you. Tell me what you want."

"Something I can never have. Lucy, you have to understand this is what I am. I thought you understood that. I thought you understood this is all we can ever have."

"Do you love me? If you do, we can make it work. Remus, please…stay. Try, at lease try."

"I'll come back when I can. But I need your promise, that if I do, you will not start this again."

"And when Voldemort is gone?"

"I don't know, Lucy… I don't know."

"I'll give you until he's gone," she said sternly. "Then you'll have to decide because I am not waiting forever."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for your patience. I am starting to update this more timely now.


	52. Becoming More

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 52**

**Becoming More**

**

* * *

**

Remus used the sights he had seen along the train tracks to apparate back to the coast. Once there, he waited until dark and crossed the water, landing in Dover both depressed and exhausted. What little money he had saved he used to splurge on a meal in a real Muggle restaurant. Walking, until he could go no further, he took a jog off the road and found a plot of ground protected by bushes where he laid down for what was left of the night. Twice he woke as sounds form the road became too loud to sleep though and long before dawn, he was again on his way. First apparating to Diagon and then up to Hogwarts he made the walk from the gates up to the Headmaster's office.

"Headmaster? Do you have a moment?"

"Mr. Lupin, what a surprise." Albus leaned back in this chair, peering over his spectacles at Remus. "I thought you would be enjoying your freedom from our rules. Imagine my surprise when your signature took down the wards on the main gate. As a former student, you are of course welcomed, however you need to be cautious as your presence here may also be traced. During the summer, you need not worry. However, when students here, the new regulations will keep you from being in close vicinity to the young."

"I saw Lucy," he admitted, sitting down opposite Albus at the desk, choosing to ignore a discussion about laws and restrictions. "She took me to her mother's place in the mountains. I…"

"You must be careful. I know you are aware to the restrictions that have been placed on you concerning travel."

"As I was saying…her mother is not what you think. I recognised a distinct odour. It was faint… and no doubt old…sir, Greyback has been there. There are others I …"

"Could you tell how long ago this occurred?"

"No. It is a small cabin. Two rooms and a loo. One bedroom and a common room for cooking and living. According to Lucy it's been closed up for over a year, but it is possible her mother has been there since and she just doesn't know about it."

"Could you discern any others?"

"Other then her mother and Greyback …there were others…but faint…older…I don't think I could recognise them again. There's a shed there that's being used. I think you can guess for what. One other thing…the cabin is well stocked. Even Lucy was surprised and the amount of tins in the cupboards."

"What else?" Dumbledore leaned back tiredly.

"Lucy has not seen her mother for over two months. I believe her, and I believe she has no idea of what the shed is used for. Lucy can't make it to the cabin on her own. Headmaster, if someone were to ask me where Greyback's safe place is…I would say start looking there."

"When was the last time you visited the woods on your monthly forays?"

"Two months," Remus muttered, looking down at his lap, knowing that two months ago would have still had him under strict orders not t do so. "There is something else, Headmaster. Lucy said she has written to me once a week since term started last year. I did not receive one. Her owls are being intercepted. "

"I want you to contact Mr. Moody. He will be training you." Albus opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a Muggle ballpoint pen. "Carry this with you at all times. It will not raise undue attention if you are detained by the Ministry but will bring you to a safe place in case of an attack or injury. Use it only if you must, Mr. Lupin."

"Train me?" Remus left the pen on Albus' desk, making a point to push it back. "I won't use it. Any place I hide I will be putting someone else at risk. I'd rather take my chances."

"Moody is certain of your individual duelling skills, and thanks to John and Rhea you work well in pairs. However, if you are to join us, I must be assured you will be able to work well in a battle."

Remus remembered the fight on the hill outside of his mother's house, and the almost fatal error John had made. Nodding that he understood he made his way out of the office and headed back to the gates. From there he apparated to Hogsmeade, planning to sleep in Rosmerta's bloody cellar if he must.

"You look like shite," Rosmerta commented as he walked in the backdoor and slumped into one of the kitchen chairs. "Out of school not a whole summer and you look this bad I hate to think what you will be like a year from now."

"I am starving," he grinned. "I thought my girl would fix me up with something to eat and give me a bed for a few hours for which I will scrub floors like a Muggle if she wants."

"After you shower. You don't come in here looking like that and expect a hand out and to climb on my clean sheets. Off with you now. Use any room on the third floor."

"Thanks." He headed up stairs hearing her call out to him to throw his clothes in the hall so she could clean them and to stop banging his heels against the risers.

Once he had showered and found clean clothes setting out on the bed, his old ones already picked up from the hall, he climbed into bed naked and was asleep before he had time to think of anything more than how utterly exhausted he was. Not only did he sleep through lunch, but tea as well and only woke to Rosmerta's hand on his forehead the next morning.

"You are burning up," she announced. "Bloody hell boy, where've you been?"

"I just need to sleep," he croaked, his throat raw and sore.

"Sleep? It's already tomorrow. How long have you been feeling poorly?"

"Since you woke me." He pushed her hand away and sat on the edge of the bed, dragging the sheet with him to drape around his waist. "I'll be fine. I just need a minute."

"You need a…potion…I'll…" she stammered, trying to think of who could help.

"I won't see a vet," he spat, pulling a blanket over his shoulders. "Just let me rest. I left my wand in my trousers and it's bloody cold in here."

"Wait here," she stood and frowned at him. "Do I have your word you won't leave?"

He shot her a glare before rolling back to the bed and pulling the blankets snugly around him. He fell asleep again, waking up when a breeze of cold air washed over his body and the sound of Moody's voice called his name.

"Bloody hell, man," he sputtered, reaching for the sheet. "Leave me some decency."

"What he say?" Moody turned to Rosmerta frowning.

"Don't know. Sounds worse than he did earlier. See what I mean? Sounds like he's trying to talk around a mouth full of mush and he has that rash. "

"Bring up a pot of tea," Moody said, digging a vial from his pocket. "This should fix him right up. Healer said tastes right nasty and he should have plenty of fluids once it goes down."

"I'll bring up something he can swallow. I have pea soup made up."

Moody helped Remus sit up and poured the vile tasting concoction down his throat. "Didn't know exactly what you have so this is sort of a one cure for all."

"Remus?" John Dawlish said from the doorway as he pushed Moody aside and hugged Remus warmly, then sat on the edge of the bed, slapping him on the back. "This old fool here said this was official Ministry business and he needed a backup. Told them Rosmerta had a guest that wouldn't pay up that I knew from way back. Merlin, you look like bloody hell."

Remus put his hand to his throat feeling the pain slip away. "Mum? How is she doing?"

"Missing you and worried. She…I can't tell you where she is. We set her up in a safe house. I'm sorry lad, but it had to be done. Moody here is trying to set up a meeting…you need to be patient." John reached out and ruffled Remus' hair. "I know, I shouldn't be doing that any more…damn its good to see you son. We heard about your grades and your mum is still dancing on the ceiling. She is proud of you and wants me to tell you how proud Anthony would be."

"Thanks," Remus muttered, yanking the sheet closer. "I need to get dressed."

"Remus?" John frowned up at Moody, not sure why Remus did not seem pleased they were there.

"If they send someone else Ro will be hauled in. I have to get out of here," Remus muttered in way of explanation.

"He's right," Moody spat, tossing Remus his clothes and standing out of the way as the younger wizard made it to the loo.

"You need to rest and get some food in you before you go rushing off." John talked to the closed door to the loo.

"I feel better," Remus yelled out. "Nothing some food won't fix."

"Talked to Albus, I did." Moody shouted.

"Yeah?" Remus opened the door and stood buttoning up his shirt.

"Says your arse is mine for a time."

"Didn't think you were that kind, Moody. John? Why didn't you ever tell me about his…"

"Don't you go talking like that boy. I'll have you know that I…"

"That's enough," John said laughing.

"What happened to your eye?" Remus said, a smile playing on his mouth. "Someone's husband catch you peeking in the keyhole?"

"Getting a new one," Moody grumbled, tugging his eye patch further down. "Got someone working on a right nice one."

"Someone is making you an eye? I hope it's not the same person that made that old leg you had so much trouble with."

"Damned Healers said nothing they can do."

Remus looked at John, saw his shrug and slight shake of his head, and knew it was a closed subject. "Sorry, Moody."

"Remember this." He lifted the patch and showed Remus his empty eye socket, pleased to see the grimace on his face. "Never go off with fools that think they can fight because they haven't spelled off their own foot yet. You make sure you know who has your back. You hear me? And you make damned sure to keep your partner's back. You forget that and you'll be at the end of my wand."

"That scar on your cheek, you get that at the same time?" Remus asked innocently as John let out a bark of laughter.

"None of that," Moody muttered. "She said she wasn't married."

"Good, Merlin, Moody. You keep this up and I'll be visiting you in a jar up on Andromeda's shelf. There isn't much left they can take off." He smirked at looked down at the front of Moody's trousers. "Course if you lost something else it may bode well for the rest of your parts."

"Remus, we have some…training situations set up." John started quickly before Moody had time to toss a response. "Different settings, different…problems that you'll encounter. Gideon and Fabian will be helping, as will Arthur Weasley and…do you remember Frank?" John waited until he saw Remus' nod. "He and his wife will be helping out as well. You will meet the rest in time."

"Before we start you need to head back up to Hogwarts and tell that old gimp to swear you in," Moody grumbled. "He makes the rules then tosses 'em out when he don't want to use 'em"

"We'll contact you as soon as we are ready. Don't go running off where we can't find you," John said, heading for the door, stepping aside as Rosmerta carried in a tray.

"I don't know where I'll be yet…No, Ro, I'll stop in from time to time…but I won't stay here."

He ate his lunch and drank the second vial Moody had left, listening to Rosmerta's warning about sleeping on the cold damp ground and not eating. She rolled up a blanket and shrunk it down, tucked it into his pocket and chided him on not using proper spells. They both knew any spell he cast could be traced, and that unless he really needed something he would leave his wand in his pocket. Once done, he gave her a hug and set off to talk to the Headmaster.

His training was brutal. Moody did not spare him and if asked, Remus would have said he had in fact made it harder, often putting him as the lead and not the back up where new members belonged. Moody set up scenarios in which members of the Order, unknown to Remus, were the enemy and already in place as the Order apparated in, duelling even before the full contingency of the Order had arrived.

It was in Andromeda's yard that what could go horribly wrong was driven home. He had arrived with Moody, four mock Death Eaters already in place. The only information they had was that a Muggle family had been attacked and the cry for help had gone out to the Order. Remus' feet touched down with Moody at his back, knowing no other back ups were available, and it would be two against four. Not a good thing in a normal fight, but going in blind without knowing the location of the four was dangerous and often fatal.

Suddenly a fifth Death Eater opened the back door and called out, causing Remus to spin and shoot off a hex so fast he did not register, until too late, that the Death Eater held a small pink haired child by the hand that was yanked around and used as a shield. The yard was suddenly quiet, as the mock Death Eaters took off their masks and put away their wands.

"You teach him better or keep him home," Marlene said in disgust.

"What the fuck you doing boy? Working for the monster! Fuck it all! Few more like you and we may just as well roll over and queue up to have our balls cut off," Moody yelled, making even the other Order members cringe.

"Sorry," Remus muttered, looking at Nymphadora who happily held out her hand and ran off with the shiny galleon that Dorcas Meadowes had dropped in her hand for playing her part.

"Sorry would still have killed a child," Alice said calmly. "Moody, do it again, and again after that. If he is too thick headed to learn by that time take him home."

The second time Remus was watching for the child, each time he raised his wand he hesitated and let a curse hurl out of the Death Eaters wand, putting the entire squad in danger. Moody raged at him, and pushed him to the other side, making Frank take his place to demonstrate.

"First boy, look around. You are at a private residence. You have to assume there are Muggles and children, it comes with the territory." Frank explained as he took up position in front of Moody. "Second, it's the surprise you are after…not the kill. Not when other lives are in danger. If we were on a battlefield you throw to kill…here…you throw to stop…to stop them and get the civilians out. It's enough to throw them off their feet, surprise them, make them leave."

Frank nodded to Moody that he was ready and the two began again. Frank heard a noise, and saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, without turning to see who was there, he tossed out a spurt of water hard enough to knock the Death Eater and child to the ground. Remus smiled to see Andromeda scream and sputter, slapping the mock Death Eaters hand and kicking her in the shins.

"I get two for that!" she huffed to the laugher that followed the display. "You didn't say I'd get all wet! Mum's going to be right pissed."

"Here," Remus squatted down in front of her and used a drying spell. "Guess it's my fault anyway."

"You need a shave." The little girl reached out and ran her hand up his cheek, raking against the stubble of his beard. "Mum shaves Dad and even Mr. Moody. He has scars on his face, see? Mum says if she cuts him, it can't make him look worse but she does it real good and only cuts a little. You want me to ask her to fix you up so you don't look so bad too?"

"Umm, no…that's okay," Remus said uncomfortably, looking up at Moody. "You really need to get a hobby, Moody. She's been around you too much."

"Nymphadora!" Her mother stood in the door calling her in for lunch. "Remus? Remus Lupin? As I live and breathe..."

"It's been a while." He stood and greeted her.

"I should say." Andromeda hurried across the yard and gave him a hug before scolding Moody. "Why didn't you tell me who you were training today? And you, Remus, get into the house and get something to eat. You look like someone moved out of that jacket."

"I…not today," he said to the sounds of apparation as the rest of the Order members left, leaving only him and Moody behind. "You need to talk to Moody here before you invite me in."

"Whatever are you…Alastor?"

"You sure boy? It's your call."

Remus looked up to the house and saw the little pink haired girl holding open the door and waving to him, remembering the last conversation he'd had in the kitchen. "Yeah, yeah I think it's time. And, Moody, the Headmaster says there is a meeting tonight. Tell him…tell him to speak to the Order…tell them everything…I won't join until it's voted on. They deserve to know."

"Some may not…"

"I know, but they have to know, they have to trust me." He turned back and studied the grizzled wizard's face. "I won't ask any one to die defending my back that wants me dead and I won't have anyone breaking one of those bloody laws not knowing it. They have the right to know…and to refuse to fight with me. But Moody, let them know that with them or without them, I am going after Greyback."

"Greyback? Not by yourself! Better than you have tried that and only lived long enough to run into the woods with that beast," Andromeda scowled. "Alastor, tell him what happens if he tries this foolishness."

"Can't nothing happen to him that hasn't already been done woman."

She turned and studied Remus, her hand at her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. "Oh my gods, Remus…no."

"I'll be…"

"You'll be going no place," she whispered, stepping close to him and pulling him into a hug. "I should have guessed. I should have known. I always wondered why Rhea never kept in touch, why they lived out on that damned farm on land no on else wanted. I should have known when Sirius brought you here that first time. He always was bringing home stray animals."

Remus pulled back enough to lean down and kiss her cheek chuckling. "I'm not sure how you meant that about I think I'll let it go for now."

"I…" she stammered…"I meant nothing by it, Remus. Truly."

"You once said that werewolves were…"

"I was once two years old and pissed my knickers. Are you going to hold that against me too?"

Remus let out a bark of nervous laughter and saw Nymphadora standing in the door waving her hands and jumping up and down, her hair a flaming mass of vibrant reds and yellows.

"Oh good, Merlin," Andromeda hissed, starting up to the house, dragging Remus by the hand. "She wants me to sort you out."

"Umm, Moody?" Remus followed Andromeda reluctantly, calling back over his shoulder.

"I never argue with a witch, learned my lesson." Moody rubbed his left ear, a small smile playing on his face as he turned and walked away, leaving Remus at the mercy of Andromeda and a pink haired kid that wanted him shaved.

As Remus sat in the kitchen, his face covered with lather and a pink towel draped around his shoulders, Andromeda gave him a Muggle shave, instructing him on how to avoid the scars and how to hold the old-fashioned straight edge razor. Nymphadora leaned her elbows on the table, her heads resting in her hands studying his face.

"Look better kid?" He chuckled when he was done.

"No." She shook her head and wrinkled her nose.

"Sit back down and let her trim that hair." Ted laughed as he came into the room. "Sorry I didn't make the practice. How'd it go?"

"Flunked, he did. I got kilt three times and only paid for two," Nymphadora summed it up before her mother shooed her off to bed.

Ted scowled and sat down as Andromeda began cutting, going over the practices step by step and drilling him on standard procedures, coming up with examples and keeping at it well into the night. Finally, not being able to think clearly, Remus stood to go, only then realizing what Ted had done.

"Thanks," he grinned. "At least I can stop worrying about the meeting. It should be over by now."

"Remus, some of the members were turned down twice before they were accepted. Don't take it as an insult if they think you are too young, or too inexperienced."

"Or too much of a wolf?"

"That too," Ted admitted. "I am afraid there is that too. It is wrong, but not at wrong as saying nothing and then leaving you to fend for yourself if the battle gets rough. Everyone has to trust the others, trust with no hesitation, no thought as to it. Not just say it aloud because its right…they have to mean it. Albus even spells the ballots if it gets down to the final passage. Tonight should be just a show of hands."


	53. Acceptance and Rejection

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 53**

**Acceptance and Rejection**

**

* * *

**

The next morning, Remus found it impossible to sit and wait for Albus to contact him. He started walking toward Godric's Hollow, hoping to catch a ride on a lorry once he reached a Muggle highway. He was almost to the fork in the road that would take him there, when a less then hygienic wizard appeared in front of him. Remus raised his eyebrow, stepping back, reaching for his wand as his nose wrinkled at the smell of body sweat, and the dust of a sloppy apparation swirled in front of him.

"Call me Fletcher and if you go pulling that stick out and pointing it at me it will be the last time you pull it," the wizard wheezed, appraising Remus the same way he himself was being appraised. "You are sort of young and scruffy looking. Albus said to collect you though, so here I am."

"And you are sort of old and look like bloody hell," Remus snorted.

"Sort of cheeky," Fletcher laughed. "Need that, we do. Tell me, are you all bluster and show or do you have a backbone?"

"Two," Remus said evenly. "The one you see and one you hope you never run into on a full moon."

"Ah, so _you're_ the one. Wondered when Albus would get around to nicking you. Was told to find a….hold on." He pulled out a wadded up piece of paper from his pocket. "Here it is. A Remus Lupin. That be you by the tacking spell he put on this bloody thing."

"You knew about…?"

"The Order knows more than you think. Just didn't put the facts to the names." Fletcher glanced up the road, stepping back into the shadow of some nearby trees. "Albus and Minerva are already there, we better get going ain't going to wait on you arse all day."

"Where is this meeting? I was told it was last night."

"In good time, lad. Don't think we would take someone in sight unseen now do you? This is the second stage. This is where they get the smell of you," he said solemnly, quickly stepping forward and grabbing Remus, pulling him into a side-a-long before Remus was aware of what was happening. Landing in front of a small house on one of Manchester's east end streets, he pushed Remus back, scowling. "You will be given a memory charm when you leave if they don't take you. You will remember everything but the location, that is unless you don't need to know who you met, if you give them cause to doubt you, and then we will wipe that out too."

Remus nodded, swallowing hard as he looked at the council house, wondering who lived here. As if in answer of his question the door opened, revealing a man who waved them in while looking up and down the pavement excitably.

"Hurry along now," he whispered, barely able to conceal his excitement, "can't be taking all day." He stepped aside to let Remus and Mundungus enter before grabbing Remus' right hand in both of his warmly. "Dedalus Diggle, here, and you must be the young Remus Lupin we have heard so much about. Lovely day, just lovely it is, and on this most auspicious of all days for you. Refreshments will be served of course. I do hope you bought your appetite. You look like you have missed a meal or two."

"I'm pleased to meet you," Remus said, confused at the man's behaviour, noticing that Fletcher had hurried by the man not even stopping to exchange pleasantries.

"Don't listen to the old codger. Thinks we put the damned place on some walking garden tour just so he could have a party. Old fart," Moody called from the kitchen as he walked out to greet him. "Get your arse in here boy, I got things to do today. Don't want to be here till midnight and if you keep talking to him the sun will be going down before I get home."

"Moody!" Remus grinned as he was immediately engulfed in a bear hug and just as quickly pushed away. "I take it your witch is waiting."

"You tell Meda I did that, boy," Moody grumbled. "She told me to give you a big hug."

"You lost another bet?" Remus laughed as the scared wizard meekly shrugged his shoulders.

"Mr. Lupin, if you please?" Minerva stood in the doorway to the kitchen, waving to the room behind her, indicating that he was to join them.

Remus followed Moody into the kitchen that had been magically enlarged to hold the meeting. The room fell quiet as he walked in and took the seat next to Moody at a round table that now dominated the room. He watched as Professor McGonagall sat on Albus' right side where she picked up a piece of parchment and whispered something into his ear.

"She's his second," Moody coughed into Remus ear, his hand over his mouth to cover his whisper. "If he ain't around what she says goes."

Remus dropped his head. "Who is the old guy?"

"Elphias Doge. Watch him…somewhat edgy, if you get my meaning. You'll meet the rest."

"Edgar Bones here," the wizard on Remus' other side said laughing. "Don't need to whisper Alastor. Not everything is a secret. "

"I read something about…" Remus started, only to stop, uncomfortable that he had brought up the article that he had read the previous year.

"That would have been my oldest boy, Mark, and my little Emily. Both gone now." Edgar managed a smile and patted Remus' hand. "Thank you for remembering them. So many gone, so many others."

"Remus," Fabian called him, "how's that mother of yours?"

"Fine, thank you. I haven't seen her for a while, but she is fine. Is your brother coming?"

Albus stood and held up his hand, bringing silence to the room. "Tonight we are here to go over the information we have gathered this past month. However, as should be obvious to all, we have a guest this evening. Mr. Remus Lupin has expressed interest in joining us. I am sure you remember the reports from last evening. For those that were not in attendance Professor McGonagall will supply you with copies if our gossip mill has been so ineffectual as not to have reached you."

"He's too young." Elphias spat. "We need real fighters, not kids still in nappies. Said it last night and I'll say it now in front of him."

"You said the same about me and Alice and we were a year younger," Frank Longbottom rushed in and found an empty seat. "Sorry, got caught up at work. Alice will be here soon. She took Molly to see the midwife and Gideon is on his way with Arthur."

"I do hope she is well." Minerva said, putting her hand to her throat.

"Healers said she is just having a hard time of it and she won't take it easy." Fabian added.

"I do wish everyone would put in an effort to be on time," Albus sighed. "Elphias, your concern has been noted as to Mr. Lupin's age as has Frank's disagreement. I will however point out that he is of age and therefore meets the minimum requirement."

"I agree with Frank. I was his age, maybe a little younger when I joined, as was Gid." Fabian scowled. "Look around man, most of us were here when we were seventeen…not his ripe old age of eighteen."

"Yes, but you were not on a Ministry list and the war wasn't what it is now," Edgar reminded him. "I don't like taking…creatures…in Albus. I don't mean I have anything against him, just that he draws attention."

"He said the same thing about me being a female and I'm an Auror for Merlin's sake. Remember that you old fool? Almost word for word…_I don't like taking females in…don't mean I have anything against them_…bull shite," Marlene McKinnon spat. "You have the report on Lupin's training exercise. He seems to have an aversion to hexing people, too cautious. He has to get over that and trust that if they are fighting us they are on the other side. Other than that, he did just fine. I say we take him."

Small chuckles and nods of agreement went around the room. "Since when is it wrong to be cautious?" Remus asked incredulously.

"People are not always what they seem, Mr. Lupin." Minerva said stiffly. "When the flick of a wand stands between you and death you do not have time to revisit friendships and question loyalties. This is not DADA where failure means you must retake the lesson."

"I have a list of names here, Mr. Lupin," Albus said, handing it to Minerva who in turn slid it over to Remus. "This is only those we have compiled in the last couple of months. Would you have a problem fighting any of these?"

Remus lowered his head to the list of known Death Eaters and those loyal to Voldemort, hesitating when he saw Sirius' bother and cousin, Bellatrix listed. He continued until he saw the name Martha Spencer and then looking up at Albus he tried to discern what the old man was thinking.

"Well, Mr Lupin?"

"Are you sure? You said she was working for you."

"Hear that, Albus? He is questioning…"

Dumbledore held up his hand calling for silence as those in the room began to mutter. Continuing to watch Remus, he leaned back in his chair. "He has every right to question if we expect him to put his life on the line. Yes, Mr. Lupin, quite sure. Now, we are awaiting your answer."

"Who put this list together?" Remus asked quietly.

"The information, once supplied to us by an Order member is than verified. I can assure you that the names are correct."

Remus felt his throat constrict, understanding what they were asking. Could he level his wand at Sirius' brother? At Lucy's mother? With no thought further than to do what he must? Could he cast the killing curse? He was unsure, and although knowing that it may stop him from being part of the Order, pushed the paper back to Albus slowly.

"I…I don't know, sir."

"Mr. Lupin?" Albus said, encouraging him to continue.

"At least he is honest," Gideon said from the doorway where he stood with the Weasleys and Alice Longbottom.

"Should have ran the vote before more bleeding- heart witches showed up," Doge grumbled.

"Elphias!" Albus held up his hand to silence the growing complaints.

"We have enough witches," Elphias muttered under his breath, not to be silenced by Albus. "Don't ask me to put my life on the line fighting with one and now you drag him in here. It's not right I tell you. Witches and werewolves…what is this coming to?"

"I know one witch that could put half the people at this table in the ground before you could get your wand out of your pocket," Remus said quietly.

"Got a point there," Moody chuckled, slapping him on the back hard enough to push him into the table. "Kid's Mum would put you to shame. Staved off three werewolves herself she did. Trained up her son here. Wouldn't mind having him at my back and if it comes to that, wouldn't mind being second to him."

Fletcher leaned his arms on the table and studied Remus. Noting the way he avoided eye contact and held his body as if forcing himself to relax. "No one at his table holds what happened against you at the training, but that doesn't mean we trust you. What would you do if some of our own refused to fight with a werewolf?"

Remus sat still, letting the sound of blood that pounded in his ears quiet before slowly lifting up his head and looking Fletcher in the eyes, knowing that the wolf was close to the surface at it always was when he was angered. "I would tell them to stay home the next time the Headmaster needs them, because Greyback and the pack he is putting together will be close behind and I plan to be there."

"So, for you this is personal?" Fabian asked, leaning back in his chair and stretching out his legs.

"Let it go, we can talk about it later," Frank said quietly, shaking his head at the Headmaster as the others started talking amongst themselves.

Remus saw the looks the Order members gave each other and knew he had just failed whatever test they had just given him, and felt Moody's hand rest on his shoulder. "That's it?" he asked incredulously, standing up and starting at the Headmaster.

"We will discuss this tomorrow, Mr. Lupin," Albus frowned. "I will have Dung…"

"No, you give me a list of names and expect me to tell you what I would do. It's not like that. In a battle, I would stop them…but it won't come to that. You know damned well where I will find Martha Spencer, and it's not on a field, it's in a barn. A barn that I _will_ get into.

You ask me if I could bring down my best mate's brother…and I'll tell you if the choice is him or Sirius, or anyone in this room, I wouldn't hesitate," he spat, angered that he felt they had not given him a chance to explain. "Bloody hell, I don't know what would happen if it were just me and one of them. No one here can tell you how they would react facing someone they know, someone they used to trust, someone…someone close to them or a loved one. No one! Not until it happens and if they think they could answer that bloody question they are lying. You may think you would, you may pretend it wouldn't bother you, or that you would mindlessly throw a hex, but it doesn't work that way."

"Remus," Arthur said quietly, "when I go out on an assignment, I don't want someone out to prove something. I want someone that knows what they are doing and leaves their emotions at home. I am not saying you cannot duel, I have seen you and you are one of the best. I don't give a bloody hell about what…or who…you are. I don't care about any of that. What I care about it that you hold your temper. I just don't think you are there yet. "

"There are other ways to help, Mr. Lupin," Minerva spoke for the first time, silencing the rest of the room as if her very presence commanded respect.

Remus let his eyes travel around the table, seeing some looking directly at him, other avoiding his eyes. Turning to Albus, he took a deep breath before speaking. "Temper? You have no idea what you are talking about. You don't know temper, you don't know what it feels like to have a rage under your skin so raw it wants to rip out someone's throat. So go ahead, vote now. I want to see who is against me."

"Remus, dear. It is not a point of being against you, or for you…it is the point that we have to be sure of you." Molly looked around the table for agreement. "Most of the members are so old they forget what it is like to…"

"Don't you start that…"

"Witches!"

"Told you we should vote before…"

"Silence!" Albus shouted over the growing roar. "Go on, Molly."

"As I was saying," she smiled sweetly, tapping her husband's hand. "We must branch out. Vol…He Who Must Not Be Named has. We know he is talking to others, like Mr. Lupin here, as well as the vampires, giants and has gone as far as creating vile dead...Inferi. We need wizards like him. That is of course, Elphias, unless we may have Mr. Lupin infect you. You may then be our…Werewolf in Residence for we are in sore need of one."

Remus felt the corners of his mouth twitch as Doge sputtered. He saw Dedalus grinning widely and stand to begin levitating platters of sandwiches and sweets to the table.

"Bloody good show, Mrs. Weasley. Eat up… come every one I have more…"

"Mr. Diggle, do you think you could wait for the vote?" Minerva said tersely. "I do want to mention that Mr. Lupin has always exhibited a certain ability in leadership and although he has let his tempter show it's self today it is most unusual for him to do so. We have watched over him for years, as has Mr. Moody, and we can assure you that his temper is well under control."

"So let's get it over with," Gideon grinned, reaching for a sandwich, only to have Marlene slap his hand. "Everyone against Remus raise their hand then go outside for an arse kicking."

After the meeting Remus headed up to Godric's Hollow and knocked on Potter's door, hoping that he and Sirius were home although he saw no sign of life in the house. He turned back to the pavement, wondering where they had gone at the same time knowing he had no way to travel even if he did know.

He had hitched a ride on in the back of a Muggle lorry to get this far and had spent the last night sleeping on the ground. He wondered if Rhea had kept his childhood broom and then discounted the thought as foolish. Even if she had, he could not contact her now. No more then he could go back to Hogwarts and take the one he had used for his last two years. Skirting around to the back of the house he decided to wait in the yard and was pleased to find an old apple tree that would provide lunch.

"Remus, wake up man." James squatted down next to the sleeping wizard, shaking his shoulder. "You could have taken down the wards."

"Hey," Remus grunted, greeting him groggily, sitting up and searching the yard with his eyes. "Sorry, didn't mean to crash out here."

"Come on in. Sirius is burning sausage again."

"I need to talk to you, Prongs."

"I guessed that when I saw you out here."

"I need a potion."

"I have the usual. You are welcome…"

"Not that," he muttered. "Wolfbane."

"Sure," James said with no hesitation. "Where do I get it?"

"St. Mungo's is the only place with a safe stock. That shite they sell in the Alley can kill me if it's not brewed right…from what I hear it's hard to get right… but there is a place…"

"Remus, if you need it from St. Mungo's I'll get it. I can find out which brewer they use and…"

"It's expensive, Prongs…the stuff in the Alley…"

"Get me the name of the brewer or I'll ask that Mediwitch Sirius is sweet on. Problem there is that I don't know anything about her." James shrugged. "We have to be careful these days."

"I'll pay you back," Remus said uncomfortably.

"And I'll break your arm if you try. Being the last in line has its benefits."James stood up and started back to the house. "Hurry up, last time he set the kitchen on fire."

"How's this working out for the two of you?" Remus asked, catching up with James as he pulled the back door open.

"Fuck," Sirius jumped back from the burner, dropping the pan on the floor and watching the sausage and grease splatter across the room.

"Like this," James said tiredly. "Only a month and I wonder how we made it seven years as roomies."

"Moony!" Sirius yelled as he tried to cross the floor, slipping on the hot grease and landing on his backside, taking down a kitchen chair with him.

Remus laughed and started to help him up when James put a hand on his arm stopping him. "Told him if he does it one more time he's on his own."

"Ah, give the cook a break," Sirius grinned.

"I did, that's the third chair you broke in a month. A bloody month, Padfoot. I only have one chair left."

"I fix them," Sirius grumbled, pulling himself up on the table, taking out his wand and cleaning the kitchen before he repaired the chair.

Remus saw mismatched legs on three of the chairs and the fourth sitting crookedly. "I see nothing's changed."

"You two sit," James pointed to the table and headed for the water kettle. "At least I can make a cuppa without burning down the place."

"You have eggs?" Remus asked opening the fridge and began looking for what he needed. "Sit, both of you. I'm getting a free meal out of this so I want to make sure I can eat it."

"Seen Lucy?" James asked from the table where he sat watching Remus cook.

"Yeah, she has lessons all summer so we didn't have much time. What about you? Has Lily been around?"

"Yeah," James said quietly. "We are getting married."

Remus spun back and saw the grin that was spreading on his friend's face, not missing the hesitant smile that Sirius mustered. "That's…that's great Pongs."

"I thought you would understand," James shrugged. "You don't sound thrilled."

"I do, it just…it's sudden is all. She spent six years yelling at you," he said with a smirk. "I guess she changed her mind. "

"He's a fucking idiot if you ask me," Sirius glared at Remus. "His folks were killed because of who they were now he wants to run off and marry a…Muggle-born. He's putting a target on her back and doesn't even see it."

"Didn't think you had anything against…" Remus started slowly.

"I don't…and I wouldn't put someone I claim to love in danger either. She deserves better."

"You want me to leave?" Remus asked sarcastically.

"You're different," Sirius muttered.

"My father was Muggle and I put you in danger every time we talk."

"Okay, cut it out. We start in on this and the old fucker wins." James stood, leaning his hands on the table and glaring between the two. "He has managed to turn family against family. Are we going to let him to it to us as well?"

"Where's Peter," Remus said to change the topic, turning back to the tea. "I want to ask you guys something but think he should be here."

"He should be here any minute. Usually makes it for tea. Little rat must be a worse cook than Black," James said, trying to lighten the mood.

"You have any pasta?"

"You cook pasta? James, he cooks pasta," Sirius said happily, jumping up and digging in the cupboards. "You have no idea what burnt sausage and eggs taste like after a month."

"Idiot," Remus chuckled.

Soon Peter and joined them, bringing afters and giving Remus a hearty hug, slapping him on the shoulder and teasing him about being the cook. As he joked, he took up position next to Remus and began to expertly chop vegetables and prepare a salad.

"Fuck, Wormtail," Sirius said glumly, peering over his shoulder. "You never said you knew how to do that."

"Black, I can boil water and hit green things with a knife," Peter grinned. "Amanda said I do a right mean stew."

"Amanda?" Remus stopped what he was doing and turned to Peter.

"Yeah," Peter grinned. "Ain't the prettiest witch, but real nice."

"Don't matter what she looks like," Remus said under his breath. "Quit apologising to these to louts. If you like her, that's all that matters."

"Yeah, she's real nice…nice enough to look at…not…you know…drop dead built or anything…just average," Peter sighed. "At least she's a witch."

Remus paused and watched Peter out of the corner of his eye, seeing him still chopping. Trying to ignore the comment, he drained the pasta and put it on the table along with the sauce that he had added sausage to, having suddenly lost his appetite.

"This potion that you need," James talked, shovelling food in his mouth, "do you need it before the moon?"

"I take some the day before and the rest the day of," Remus said softly. "Listen, maybe I shouldn't have come here."

"Why not?" Sirius looked up from his plate grinning. "We could all head down to the…"

"No," Remus stopped him. "There is something I want to do on my own. Nothing big, just something I want to see if I can do."

"Up at Hogwarts?"Peter asked.

"Umm…no," Remus said, sipping his tea.

"Where do you run now that you don't have the shack?"

"I've only had to do it once." He slapped the back of Peters head.

"I mean…what do you plan to do? We could still meet up with you some place and…"

"That's what I wanted to tell you guys about," he said setting his tea down and waiting until he had their attention.

He told them about the meeting he had attended. Although unable to mention who was there or where it had been held, he told them about his attempt to join the Order, and the outcome of the vote, trying to keep the pride out of his voice that he had been accepted. Black listened closely, his face a study in anger as James leaned back and avoided Remus' eyes. Only Peter seemed anxious to talk and find out more.

"I think we should all try," Peter said happily.

"I don't like the idea of Dumbledore pulling the strings," Black said. "And what right to those fuckers have to decide who can fight? Bloody hell, Remus, isn't like you to put yourself out that way. You've never had to explain yourself before."

"They had the right to know. Sirius, they may be asked to put their lives on the line for me. It will be easier for you guys. You are all pureblood. I don't care what everyone says, being from an old family goes a long way on both sides of this issue."

"I'm with Sirius. Why Dumbledore?" Potter questioned. "I trust him to be against the Great Fucker, but he always seems to have something else going on. Something he's not telling us."

"I wonder why?" Remus said sarcastically. "He has to be careful. Listen, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't be here. I've trusted him with my life up to now and I guess I have to keep on doing it. Who else do I have? Anyway, part of the whole thing is they vote on stuff. He organized it and all…but they vote on most things."

"You think we should?" Sirius scowled.

"Come on, Padfoot. Remember what we said on the Astronomy Tower? This is our chance to at least go out with it meaning something." Remus said.

"He has a point," Sirius said, with a smile that did not reach his eyes. "Fine…let's do it. Wormtail, you in?"

"Sure," Peter nodded." We can run up there next week and talk to the Headmaster."

Over the next few days, Potter used his father's invisibility cloak to sneak into St. Mungo's. While Sirius was busy flirting with the clerk on duty, he managed to find the brewer's name and at least his billing address. Once that was done, it was a simple matter of bribery and memory spells to get the potion he needed. Remus didn't ask how Potter had managed to get three months worth. He only knew that James was now in deep trouble if it were found out, not only for breaking into St. Mungo's but also for helping a werewolf.

Waiting for the next full moon was difficult. Remus found himself back at Rosmerta's a few days before and visited Andromeda and Ted, refusing their offer of a bed but taking full advantage of Ted's duelling knowledge and Andromeda's cooking. Nymphadora climbed up next to him as he sat talking to Ted, dragging a book with her and putting it on his lap, waiting for the men to finish.

"What do you want tonight squirt," Remus grinned down at her.

"Mum gots me a new book but don't read it so good and Dad does worse."

"She doesn't? Seems to me she would do fine."

"She makes her voice go all funny and squinches up her nose when the hag talks."

"Oh," Remus said, picking up the book and grinning. "My mum used to do the same thing. I sort of liked the different voices."

"Ever hear Mum do a hag?"

"No," he grinned. "Scary?"

"Hags ain't scary. The bad man is scary. Mum says to stay in the house cuz he may get me cuz he don't like my kind."

Remus looked at Ted and set the book down on the table. "How about I find you some books without magic in them? No hags or scary men? Perhaps something that is fun."

Watching her as she nodded and ran off Ted sighed. "All the kids are like that anymore. We teach them the best we can. How do we warn them without scaring them? It's my fault I guess. I shouldn't let them use this place for training."

"And Moody doesn't help," Andromeda came in, levitating a pot of tea and cups after her. "I gave up with her. The more I tried to talk when she wasn't around the more she thought …HE…was getting closer. I finally sat her down and told her who she could talk to and who she was to stay away from. How do I tell her why?"

"I wasn't much older than she is now when Greyback came around." Remus poured milk in his tea and leaned back, sipping on it. "I knew who he was by what I heard and what was in the paper. I think I knew a lot more than I let on, I just didn't want to believe it. She knows what's going on with…him. Her mind just isn't ready for it yet. When it is, everything will fall into place."

"Did James tell you about him and Lily?" Andromeda said, changing the conversation. "Sirius said they are waiting until next spring. Lily wants to spend this last summer home."

"Potter is strutting like a peacock," Remus grinned, then stood preparing to leave. "I won't be back after tonight. The Ministry is enforcing more laws. No, let me finish. You have a kid in there. What will happen to her if you two are hauled in?"

"Remus, you are welcomed anytime…you know that."

"From what I heard today we would be safer with you." Ted smiled widely. "Andromeda, since he isn't going to tell you…Remus is now the newest member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"That, and a werewolf the whole Order knows about and some do not approve of," Remus said grimly.

"They have an oath," Ted assured him. "They will keep your secret."


	54. The Encampment

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 54**

**The Encampment**

**

* * *

**

**R**emus pulled his shirt off as he ran, cursing himself for waiting until the last possible minute to head up to the ridge. This was his last chance if he was going to make use of the potions that Potter had procured for him and he did not want to miss this third and final opportunity. Throwing the shirt to the ground, he dug in his pocket and found the half-full vial of potion as he tried unsuccessfully to kick off his boots. Swallowing the potion, he fell to the ground, pulling them off as fast as possible, afraid that the change would begin with his feet caught in the leather. With a sigh of relief, he rolled on his back and lifted his hips, pulling off his trousers as the first of the change began.

"Fuck," he muttered, trying to thrust his changing hands into his trouser pockets, at last managing to pull out a flannel that he hastily shoved in his mouth to stifle the screams he still could not control. He positioned himself on his hands and knees until he felt his legs and hips begin to shift. He tried to push his weight forward, letting his arms and shoulders hold him up as he straightened his legs and pushed his feet as flat as he could.

Closing his eyes be fought not to scream as he concentrated instead on his breathing, determined that this time he could control, if not the wolf, at least the speed in which the change occurred. In the end, he let the flannel drop from his mouth as his jaw began to elongate and just as the pain was to the point of being unbearable he heard a sound that chilled even the emerging wolf and silenced him. He recognised the shriek as a scream of anguish and fear, and knew that tonight he would not be alone.

The wolf stood on unsteady legs, needing to walk in a circle and smell the air until it had regained its balance and strength. Remus had learned to use this moment to collect himself and take his own bearings, letting the wolf get its bearings and see where it was. He saw the low hung moon, and the clear sky, the silhouette of the woods beyond the next ridge and could smell the others.

The wolf raised its snout into the air and let out a howl, as if welcoming the night. Turning its head and lowering to the ground it studied the land before it began to run. Remus was confused that the wolf did not go immediately toward the Spencer barn or to the wooded area where they had run before. This time the wolf headed to an open meadow at the bottom of the ridge. He let the wolf have the lead, not attempting to guide or restrict its movements, feeling the instinctive surge of flight and a feral curiosity at the new smells.

Remus stopped, the wolf standing, its front legs ridged, its head lowered as it snarled at two wolves that cowered at the edge of the clearing. The wolf growled, a low rumbling filled Remus' chest as it inched closer to the others. Unsure of what was happening, but feeling the wolf did not mean to attack, Remus watched as the wolf cautiously approached the larger of the two animals and then lowered its mouth biting the muzzle of what was now clearly a female.

The strange wolf whimpered and lay still on the ground as Remus walked to the other and the wolf nuzzled under her belly, then nipped at her muzzle as it had done to the first. Only after the two rolled over, exposing their bellies, did the wolf lift its head and sniffed the air and Remus let out a breath of air, knowing that the females were safe. With a start, the wolf turned to the woods and howled a warning. Remus felt the hair on the back of his spine rise, and his irises grow large to peer into the dark. He began to run again, low to the ground, the new comers following close behind.

He knew that the two that followed him were responsible for the screams he had heard and that their wolf was in complete control. It was the fear he smelled on them that he did not understand. They expressed fear even in their wolf form, but still they followed, as if commanded by his wolf, as if thankful to have a protector. He forced the wolf to stop, and turned back to watch the ridge from where they had came from, a snarl returning to his wolf as it began to pant and taste the air.

Remus lifted the wolf's head and looked back to the ridge as the wolf forced him to circle the two companions. He smelled with the new wolves and growled, realizing that the two were females whom the wolf was accepting into a pack. He fought down the animal urges that bristled over the wolf, lowering his head and biting his front paw until it submitted to him. Once he was firmly in control, he again began to run, this time to the creek, leading his new pack away from the barn where he suspected Greyback to be.

He realized his mistake too late. The night was passing too quickly. He had lost track of time and the fact that Greyback would have had time to feed and leave the barn. He had not thought that they would be at the creek, had not considered the danger he now found himself in.

His wolf stopped, lowering its snout to the ground, smelling the scents of more than Remus could sort out. Only the smell of Greyback registered in his mind as he curled his lip in disgust. Forcing the wolf to leave the main trail and take to the underbrush, he turned his massive head and snapped at the females, knowing somehow that force and cruelty would keep them in line more than persuasion and gentle coaxing. He had to remain an alpha if he was to survive the night, and if he was going to get the females back alive.

He could not overcome the wolf's insistence that they continue. Trying to distract it, he nipped at his legs and tried to hang back, but with each howl, he felt a new resolve that he had to give in to and the determination that they kept going too strong to ignore. Finally, stepping out into the clearing by the creek he felt the wolf stiffen, lifting its head a sniffing the air. A howl came out of his throat as the eyes of a pack turned to him.

The largest grey wolf walked into the moonlight, followed by others that cowered behind him, almost quivering in anticipation of a fight that was to come. The large grey lowered his head until it was level with its shoulders, snarling, its lips curled up, saliva dripping from its mouth, his eyes flickering between Remus and the females. Remus heard the females behind him whimper, and crawl towards him, their front legs and stomachs on the ground, their rumps in the air. Stepping between them and the large grey, Remus felt a surge of adrenalin and fought not to attack.

Two of the smaller wolves stepped in front of the grey, one sped toward Remus, its mouth open, its eyes wild with hunger. Remus waited until the last possible moment then let his wolf loose, lunging at the other's throat. When his teeth sunk into the flesh, he rose up on his hind legs, shaking his head as he did, deepening the wound and ripping the flesh. He tasted blood and heard the cry of pain. As he felt the wolf stop struggling, he released it and allowed it to run off, then turned with a snarl to face the other.

The large grey sniffed the air and started to move to the right, keeping his eyes on the youngest female, while two more of his pack moved to the left. Remus hunched his back, snarling at the grey, standing over the female as he snapped at the older wolf. In a flurry of dust and fur, the grey attacked, not prepared for the human response in the wolf that instead of going for this throat lay down and bit his soft underbelly, ripping the flesh and not stopping until the grey yelped in pain and defeat.

Remus watched the pack draw back, leaned his head down towards the female, letting his wolf lick their faces before turning back to the pack that still waited. He knew Greyback recognized him in the same way he had recognised the older wizard. Now he saw the fear in his eyes. Never had his position in the pack been questioned, never had a younger male vied for power. Now, he faced with loosing not only the pack of half-drugged wolves but also the power he held over them as men.

Remus stepped forward, lifted his head to the moon and howled, wanting to fist the air and cheer. He knew at that moment that Greyback in wolf form was his for the taking. If he gave into his wolf, he could become the alpha and control the pack. He hesitated, wanting so badly to reduce Greyback to nothing, to banish him from the pack and make him start over, to take away his power and position. At the same time, he knew by the instinct of his wolf, that he would then assume the role of leader and have no way out.

In an instant, they all turned their heads to the sky, feeling the waning of the moon. Taking the chance that the rising sun gave him, Remus turned his back on the pack, showing no fear and by this act demonstrating that this was _his_ victory.

He yelped to the females and began to run. Reaching the ridge as he began to change back to his human form, Remus heard the smaller wolf begin to whimper in agony, unable to get through even the first small changes of fur to skin and paws becoming hands. He stopped and lowered his head, licked her snout and pushed against her side, instructing her not to lie on her stomach to make it easier. Hearing the larger female's soft growl of protest when he touched her, he trotted to the far side of the outcropping and began his own journey back.

Panting with the residual pain, he sat up quickly, inspected his arms and legs, twisting around as far as he could to inspect for damages, seeing his own self-inflicted bites, and knew they were beyond his healing skills. Standing, he slipped on his boots and trousers before walking out to face the females, dragging his shirt behind him.

The older, which he had only seen as the larger of the two, had her back to him as she knelt down in front of the smaller, a young girl Remus would judge at twelve or thirteen. He squatted down with them, taking the older girl's arms and doing what he could to heal the small cuts and scratches before turning to the younger, keeping his eyes on their faces or arms, trying to ignore their bodies.

"It's okay," he said in nearly a whisper as the young girl flinched as the touched her. "If I wanted to hurt you I would have already done so. It's over for another month, just hold on to that."

The girly squeezed her legs together and bent her knees, turning her nakedness from him as much as she could; all the while, she kept one arm over her breasts. He held his shirt for her, gently coaxing her into it as he turned his head. Once she had it on, he tipped up her chin and smiled at her.

"There is nothing to be ashamed of. Remember that. Not this, not anything that has happened is your fault so no more tears," he said, waiting until he saw her nod, then released her face and smiled encouragingly. "Now, where did you leave your clothes?"

"In the meadow," she whispered, her face flushed red with tears, only now more at ease and able to look at him.

"It's safe now. Why don't you run and get them?" He saw the blood that covered her thighs when she stood and waited until she was half way down the slope before finding the flannel he had used to muffle his screams the night before and transfigured it into a shawl, which he draped over the older girls shoulders.

"You are her…what? You are too young for a…"

"Sister."

"You shouldn't have brought her here. Especially tonight, not when she is having her menses. I know you don't remember anything but you need to know that the alpha…stop!" He held up his hand to still her protests. "She is fine, and so are you if that is your next question."

"Who are you?" she sobbed.

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that I was on Wolfbane and found you first."

"I…I don't remember anything. I…" she cried unable to finish.

"Listen," Remus sighed, sitting next to her. "They smelled the blood and went after her. As far as they were concerned, she was a bitch in heat. At her age, she is a full-grown wolf…not some little cub that needs watching over. You…you happened to be there or I don't think you would have been in danger tonight, not until your time. You have to understand the wolves here are like us…werewolves. Only…some take Wolfbane, others…like you and your sister don't, and there are those that…at least I think… are given just enough to follow human command and keep the instinct of the wolf. That or it is an inferior brew that lets them act like that."

"And you don't?"

"I…I take the potion, but use the wolf. It's hard to explain, but I have learned to control him, use his senses and instincts." He looked down the slope and saw the young girl getting dressed. "Before she gets back we need to talk. How long have you been coming here?"

"Only this one time. We were at this place. It's across the creek and up a ways. Deserted it is, but there are berry bushes and…'

"I am familiar with it," Remus muttered, knowing she was talking about his old home.

"Anyway, we lost track of time and on the way back… that's when he got us. Both of us."

"How long ago?"

"Two moons. This is only our second."

"Second?" Remus looked back at the young girl, wrinkling his brow in thought. "It takes longer to reach the full wolf. Don't lie to me."

"I'm not. There was a woman…she helped us after the…after he…it got us. She had a potion she said would speed it up…that it wouldn't hurt so much," she choked, as tears flooded her eyes. "But she was wrong. It hurts. I hurts so bad I just want to end it."

Remus picked up her hands and turned her palms up, exposing the scars on her wrists he had seen when he healed her. "So, you think killing yourself would be better?"

"The pain would stop."

"And your sister's? Could you kill her too?"

"It hurts…I can't…"

"Yes you can, and you will," he said harshly. "Are you registered?"

"No."

"You need to be. Once you are, you can go to St. Mungo's and get the potion. The pain will still be there, but you will keep your mind and not have a repeat of what happened tonight. You have to understand that as a female, things are…different for you. You have to face things I don't. If joined a pack I would expect a beating…if you do…you would be submissive to the leader and any other pack member he would let mount you."

"Is that where you get your potion?" she asked with a visible shudder at his words.

"No. Before they give it to you, there is a …medical procedure. You and your sister will be sterilized."

"No!" She spat, scooting back from him, suddenly fearful when he grabbed her arm in a vice like grip.

"You can never have children. What the fuck to you think would happen during the moon? Go to St. Mungo's and take care of it. That is unless you want to runt like an animal in heat."

"She…the woman…she said there is a place we can go. She said all the werewolves live there. That's where we…"

"She lied! Tell me her name."

"She said not…"

"She lied to you. She wants to set up a ….a pack…for Greyback, I would guess. This bloody farm is where he runs every month he's not out looking for young girls to eat so it would make sense it is him she is working for. Did she tell you were this…this place was?"

"No," she said, nodding to her sister that was running back with the rest of the clothing. "Don't tell Sarah about the…you know. She doesn't need to know about that."

"Then you take her to St. Mungo's, because I can guarantee if they get her in the woods on the next moon they will use her and use her well. Only it won't stop there if you are so fucking stupid as to go to this…this place when you change back."

"The woman, she said…"

He grabbed her upper arms and shook her, dislodging the shawl and letting it slip from her shoulders. "Her name?"

"Mrs. Spencer, Martha Spencer," she sobbed as he pushed her away in disgust.

He ran his hand through his hair and turned his back on her, giving her some privacy to stand and get dressed. Hearing her call to him, he turned back and stood up. "Where are you two living?"

"Mary?" Sarah said in a question.

"We move around," Mary said, avoiding his eyes.

"What about your parents?"

"No," Mary muttered, shaking her head. "We can't go back there."

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday," Sarah offered. "There's this place over by St. Andrews that lets us…"

"Muggles," Remus sighed deeply.

"That's what the woman said. She said she was a witch and that…"

"Stay away from there," Remus said evenly. "Use the old farm over the creek until you know what is happening to you. I'll see if I can find someone…bloody hell. Listen, that Spencer woman…let her talk. Don't tell her you saw me. Act as if you are considering what she is saying, but don't go with her. What ever you do….do not go."

"Why should we trust you and not her?" Mary lifted her chin defiantly.

"I don't know," Remus laughed. "It's your choice. Tell your sister you will take her back out there and let them have at her. I'll forget I ever saw you."

Mary blanched and nodded her head. "We'll wait. But I have to go into town and get some things."

"Take her with you," Remus nodded to Sarah. "Greyback is dangerous even in his human form and my guess is he will try to finish what he couldn't as a wolf. Travel together, and get to the Muggle area as fast as you can. He is likely to follow you there."

He waited until they had disappeared over the second ridge and knew they would be at the creek before he turned back to the Spencer farm and started to skirt around it. If Greyback was staying here, and now had a pack, he knew they could not be living in the house. He remembered the day in Hogsmeade he had seen him with at least four Muggles who he had assumed were werewolves, and knew that last night there were many more. They would have to have an area larger than the main farm complex.

Remus made it to the far side of the farm, where the same creek that lead to his old home, looped around the back of the property. Laying on his stomach, he watched the encampment in front of him, committing to memory what he saw.

There were half a dozen shacks, each of which looked to be no more than one room. The hovels stood clustered around an open fire pit in which a large pot hung on hooks, tended by a woman that he guessed at around thirty. Two young teen-aged boys lounged nearby while two more women were washing clothes in pails of filthy water. He scanned the rest of the area, seeing a small shed hidden behind the living area. Staying in a crouch, he stayed hidden until he was as close to it as he could get.

He heard someone crying, and begging to get out, promising that their family would pay whatever price they asked for. Remus felt sickened to realize that whomever they held would either wait for the next full moon or meet a fate that he dreaded to think about. Watching the women in the clearing, he noticed they did not seem to hear the pleas that came from the poor soul, but went on with their daily chores as if everything were normal.

Not seeing any men, Remus felt it prudent to leave before they came back, not knowing if they would come the same way he had. Keeping to a low crouch until he was far enough not t be seen or heard, he apparated to Hogwarts.


	55. Assignments and Confrontations

**Disclaimer: Not mine. **

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 55**

**Assignments and Confrontations**

**

* * *

**

Remus winced as he landed outside the gates of Hogwarts. His right arm ached from the bite he had inflicted on himself and he knew from the burning of his left calf that the fight with Greyback had not left him as uninjured as he had thought. Limping slowly up to the castle, he was not surprised to see Albus open the doors.

"Poppy is waiting," he said, peering over his spectacles.

"I am here to see you, but if you don't mind I think I will head up to the infirmary," Remus ground out between his teeth, trying to hide the pain he felt. "I hate to intrude on her. Since I left school, I find myself somewhat…at a loss…the day after the moon."

"No need to apologise, you are an old habit of hers," Albus chuckled. "Summer is almost over and she will soon have students to tend. Until that time she looks forward to your monthly visits."

"Walk with me Headmaster? I have something to ask Poppy and want you to hear it as well."

Albus scowled and nodded his consent, falling into step beside the young wizard.

"I remember the first day of term, Snape and I would head up here while everyone else was in the Great Hall. It's the only time I ever saw it so quiet up here."

"Ah, yes, Mr. Snape. He has been accepted into a very prestigious apprentice program and will soon have a title of his own."

"What kind of apprenticeship?"

"He is quite gifted in potions," Albus said slowly, watching Remus from the corner of his eye. "Although I do wonder in which direction he will take his knowledge."

"Yeah, well if he stayed away from that Malfoy I know Lily would be happier. Did you hear? About Potter and Evans?"

"Your friends were here to see me as well as Miss Evans. They have expressed the same interest in joining the Order as you."

"Who else from our year?"

"As of now, none. That is not to say that Voldemort has not been so unlucky."

Remus stopped and turned to Albus. "Who? Who would…Snape? Him and Mulciber?"

"Mr. Mulciber and we are still confirming Mr. Wilkes. We have no word on Mr. Snape at this time. However one does wonder as to whom is paying for his schooling," Albus said quietly and began walking again. "You do understand this information goes no further."

Remus greeted Poppy with a warm hug and once she had convinced him to drop his trousers and don a hospital gown, she did what she could to begin the healing process. The wounds would take a long time to heal and leave scars as all wounds by magical creatures did. He told her and Albus about his night on the Spencer farm, beginning at finding the female wolves and finishing when he arrived at the gates outside of Hogwarts.

"Anyway, I was hoping you could talk to them." He looked at Poppy sheepishly. "I don't know what else to say. Merlin, Poppy, if they ask me a question I'll get them killed if I give them the wrong information."

"Albus?" Poppy turned to the Headmaster. "You know they will bring in a vet if they register and without registering they will not get the potion."

"Bloody hell," Remus grimaced. "Being Muggles they don't stand a chance."

"Now, now." Albus folded his arms behind his back and studied Poppy. "Do you have the expertise to perform the sterilization here?"

"There is a certain Healer that will help. He is a vocal opponent of the …"

"No," Remus interrupted. "If he is a known dissident, and they show up already sterilized it can fall right back on him."

"As I was saying," Poppy spoke louder, "of the _French_ _Ministry_."

"Go see the girls and do what you might." Albus patted her on the arm. "Remus, I need to hear more about the encampment. Perhaps you can draw a simple map?"

"One more thing," Remus said with a shrug. "The old farm is empty. It wouldn't matter if they stay there."

"We shall see," the Headmaster said softly. "However, there are other places I can send them."

"That would be better," Remus slid off the examining table and grabbed his clothes. "I was wondering, is there anyway the procedure can be reversed? You know, in case a cure is ever found."

"I am afraid not," Poppy sighed. "Perhaps that is something that will change as well."

"Thanks, Poppy. You know it is foolish to give them a procedure when every month the change alone would stop them from having children. When you see them, would you hold out some hope? It's important, it's all we have."

After dressing, Remus and Dumbledore sat in the Headmaster's office, studying old track maps of the area until Remus could point out where the encampment laid. Cautioning Albus that the map was so old and that the creek had changed course, He drew lines to show the new flow and circled the areas that were now devoid of brush or woods.

"I want you to forget we had this conversation," Dumbledore said evenly.

"What are you going to do?"

"That, Mr. Lupin, is no longer your concern." Dumbledore scowled at him.

"The woman in the shed…"

"Mr. Lupin," Dumbledore said as he stood, "I will thank you for your information. Furthermore, I do not want this information shared."

Remus swallowed hard and had no choice but to accept what Albus said. "There has to be more encampments. If what has been in the Prophet is correct, the number of attacks has escalated and if Poppy's correct, and the potion to speed the change does exist …that means Greyback is amassing quite an army."

"At one time you claimed to have run into Greyback and several Muggles in Hogsmeade. Did you not?"

Dumbledore opened his desk drawer and pulled out a galleon, handed it to Remus and leaned back in his chair. "Make sure when you give that to Aberforth you place it in his hand and not on the counter. He will know you have joined us."

"Abs? He wasn't at the…"

"Aberforth will do as Aberforth wants as will Mrs. Weasley. She is not a…true member and comes to every meeting, he who is a member shuns them," Dumbledore said evenly. "However, make no mistake as to his loyalty to the Order."

Remus headed to Potter's place before going to the Hogshead. He needed to sleep and hoped that there was something in the fridge to eat besides eggs and sausage. Letting himself into the back door, he rummaged around in the kitchen, finding not even that. He grabbed a jug of mild and drank from the bottle, downing it at one go.

"We have glasses," Lily said from the doorway.

"Takes too long." Remus ran his sleeve over his mouth and grinned at her. "I hear congratulations are in order."

"Thanks." She headed for the sink and began putting on a pot of tea. "James thinks you are against it."

"Ah, Lily, no," he said tiredly, slumping into one to the kitchen chairs. "I just hate to think what you are setting yourself up for. It's just that you would be safer to stay with you folks until this is over."

"What about your girl, Lucy? Don't you want her here with you?"

"That's not fair," he said frowning at her. "I'm not like James. I don't have a place or my own. I can't rent a place…bloody hell…if they knew I was even seeing her they would…they'd stop it."

"It's true? What James says? That they would give you a potion?"

"That, or an operation," he barked out a snort of laughter. "Kind -a puts a whole new spin on the term _safe sex_."

"You could bring her here. I talked to…"

"Stay out of it." He stood and put the empty jug in the bin. "Sirius awake yet? If not I'm going to crash on the sofa."

"He left hours ago. You should eat first. Sit." She went to the fridge and started to pull out what she needed.

"Don't bother," he said with a loud sigh as he stood. "I'm too bloody tired to eat."

"Go up and use Sirius' room. He won't be back until late…if then. He said something about heading down to London."

"Thanks," he said heading for the stairs. "Lily? Did he take the bike?"

"Yeah," she chuckled. "I think that's the only reason he's going. He wants to ride."

"Something's bothering him. Has he said anything about his brother?"

"He won't talk about him," Lily said with a shrug of her shoulders. "Remus, where do you stay when you are not here?"

"Around." He ran his hand over his face and yawned, not willing to tell her he most often camped by the stream behind Hogsmeade or stopped into The Three Broomsticks to do some odd work for a meal. "Listen, I'm dead on my feet…"

"Sorry, go."

Once he woke and grabbed a sandwich, he headed down to the Hogshead where he took up a corner table and waited until Aberforth kicked him out for the night. For the next several days that was where he could be found, nursing a glass of ale and occasionally accepting a bowl of soup form Abs. Not only did he not see Greyback, but could tell that none of the men that came in was a Muggle changed Werewolf.

He borrowed Aberforth's owl and sent a note to James, asking him to meet him the next day. Waiting impatiently, he kept looking at the clock on the back wall wondering if James would even be on time for his own wedding. Finally, forty-five minutes late, James arrogantly sauntered in and plopped down opposite Remus.

"What's up with you?" Remus said, not able to stop grinning.

"Sorry I'm late. I was hung up at Gringotts. You are now looking at the sole heir of the Potter fortune. Seems even the Black fortune was mixed in but the goblins got it cleared up." James grinned and pulled out two bags of gold that he slid across the table to Remus. "I also have your potion on order. It should be here tomorrow."

"I can't take that," Remus frowned pushing the bags back. "I'll make my own way."

'So, how is it working so far? You look like bloody hell and smell worse. Listen, Moony, if you don't take that I'll have to explain it to Lily. Frankly, if she cuts me off I am going to blame it on you. Now just put it in your pocket and I'll put it on your tab if that makes it easier."

"You know I'll never be able to pay you back."

"I have plenty of room at the house. Lily had the idea of turning the study into a bedroom. That would free up a room and we want you in it."

"I…I don't think so," Remus muttered. "I am there enough as it is."

"Then find a place," James said seriously. "You can't go on like this."

"I appreciate the offer, Prongs, I truly do," Remus sighed and shook his head. "Let's see how it plays out. I have a couple of ideas about getting work. I can tutor or something that doesn't demand regular hours. I can't keep taking your money."

"I don't care about that. I have a vault full…more than I can send in a lifetime. Bloody hell, more than Lily can send and that girl loves to shop. Now take it and shut up before I start screaming werewolf. Now, what did you want me to come here for?"

Remus put the bags in his pocket avoiding James' eyes. He desperately needed the money and knew he would use a few galleons to visit Lucy, something he had not dared to think of before. Nodding his thanks, he launched into his need for a list of all Wizard owned properties that were either isolated or large enough to be considered a true farm.

"I don't know where to start."

"I was thinking that if you go to the Ministry, Moody may be able to help. Him or John."

"If they even keep his kind of record. Bloody hell, Moony, can't you just use my cellar?"

"No, it's easier for me to be outside. I just need someplace I know Muggles won't be around." Remus lied easily.

"I've only been at your place," James said slowly. "Maybe on the registration records? You know, a werewolf would be more inclined to be registered to a farm."

"I want a list of wizard farms not registered." Remus said evenly.

"Hey, Aberforth," James yelled across the room. "Got the Daily Prophet yet?"

"Don't see it do ya?"

James rolled his eyes and turned back to Remus. "Friendly cuss isn't he? Would this have anything to do with the Ministry raid on the Spencer place?"

Remus leaned back in his chair as James told him about the lead story in the morning's edition of the Prophet. A squad of Aurors had raided the Spencer farm. Based on an anonymous lead, they'd had reason to believe that a group of renegade werewolves was holding Muggles captive. Not only had the information been correct, the owner of the property and his sister-in-law had been found guilty of aiding and abetting unregistered werewolves.

"Isn't that Lucy's mum?" James asked.

"Yeah," Remus muttered. "Did it say how many others were arrested? The Werewolves? Any names given?"

"No names, just that there was seven werewolves and the two Spencers."

"Azkaban?"

"For the Spencers, didn't say anything about the others."James watched Remus carefully. "You need to tell Lucy before she finds out on her own."

"I know," Remus muttered. "Merlin, Prongs, how do I tell her this?"

"Listen, Moony, if the Ministry gets hold of her first it will scare the bloody hell out of her. She needs to be warned…and it is her mum, right or wrong she needs to know."

"If they talk to her it will take them less than five minutes to know she doesn't know what's going on," Remus said evenly.

"You two not having problems, are you?"

"Nothing more than what happens once a month."

"She doesn't care about that, Moony. Give her a chance."

"If you can get me that information I'd appreciate it." Remus stood and threw down a galleon on the table for his drinks. "I'll be here every day this week."

Three days later Remus was sitting in the Hogshead when James sauntered in and tossed a piece of parchment on the table as he pulled out a chair and sat down. Grinning, he watched Remus read the list of Wizard owned farms.

"It was simple after Moody called me an idiot," James laughed. "Hogwarts has information on all their students. When you enrolled, your mum had to list your home address and your father's occupation, stuff like that. Once I got the list of kids whose fathers were listed as farmers, and the addresses, Moody was able to find out which ones were registered, only two. Do you believe that? Merlin, I would think more than that would be used. Anyway, that leaves only those."

"Fourteen. Even if I take the Spencer place…Prongs, you have my old place on here. So if I take off those two that still leaves a year's worth of…places I can use."

"What is this about? If I didn't know better, I'd say you're looking for something. Something like what was in the Prophet."

"Let it go," Remus said as he finished reading the list.

"The Spencers were given to the Dementors and from what Moody says the whole lot was sent to Azkaban. Your dad is partitioning to probate their holdings."

"Can they do that? While they are still alive?"

"Guess so." James shrugged. "Lily says she'll make curry tonight if you come."

"No, I want to…I thought I would head across the channel."

"Have you seen your Mum?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm not even sure if it's Greyback, or the Dark Fucker that she needs to be hiding from. She hid a werewolf, Greyback has a grudge against the Lupin family and Fucker Head hates anyone that's affiliated with Muggles. I would think since my father died they could forget she had married a Muggle."

"I think she needs a holiday. Her and John need to get out…you know…maybe something far enough away to be off the radar."

"What are you talking about?" Remus frowned.

"I was talking to John the other day and happened to mention the Oktoberfest. He seemed interested. I wouldn't be surprise at all if he and Rhea took a trip."

The day after the next full moon, Remus showed up at Rosmerta's back door asking to use her shower and sleep for a few hours. He insisted on working for payment and after he was finished kissed her on the cheek and headed up to Hogwarts. Now that he was part of the Order, he thought it prudent to inform Albus of his whereabouts at all times. The Headmaster gave him a charmed pocket watch that would strike the hour if he was needed and would work as a portkey to bring him home.

Arriving at Lucy's door late that same day, he hesitated before knocking, taking a moment to collect his thoughts and still wondering how to tell her what had happened. He heard muted music and her voice singing along to a song he was unfamiliar with as he raised his hand and pounded. Grinning at her response, yelling at the door to be patient, he still found it surprising that she would use English after living here for so long.

"What do you…" She yanked the door open ready to take issue with whoever was disturbing her when she froze. "Remus?"

"I think so," he grinned, engulfing her in his arms as she threw herself at him. "If it's not me I want to know if you greet everyone this way."

"Only werewolves and Englishmen," she sobbed into his neck. "Come in; hurry before the neighbours come out."

Waiting until the door closed, he again he grabbed her arms and yanked her to him, kissing her hungrily. "Circe, I've missed you. You have no idea how much."

"You look awful," she said, wincing at the pressure on her arms, pulling away far enough to look into his face. "You lost weight."

"You'll have to fatten me up." He grinned and leaned down to kiss her again. "You, however, look as beautiful as the day I first saw you."

"Stop," she said, grabbing his hand and dragging him into the kitchen. "After you eat you shower then sleep."

"Only if you sleep with me," he said grinning.

"I mean it, you look like shite." She pointed to the table and told him to sit as she started pulling things out of the fridge. "When was the last time you ate?"

"Just before I came." He muttered. "I'm not hungry."

"And before that how long?" She tuned and put her hands on her hips. "Do you eat every day? More than a bowl of soup down at Rosmerta's?"

"Between you and Lily I'm beginning to think all women want fat men." He stood and pulled her to him again. "Now stop. I'm fine."

"How long can you stay this time?"

"When is the next moon?"

"And then?"

"And then we will talk about it again." He became suddenly serious, knowing he could not put off what he needed to tell her.

Sitting on the sofa with his arm around her shoulder, he was surprised at how she took the news of her mother, not showing much emotion until he told her of the punishment that had been doled out, the kiss of the Dementor and the life sentence in Azkaban. He let her cry, not trying to console her, thinking it better that she allow herself to grieve and try to put it behind her.

"I think I knew all along but didn't want to admit it," she said, sighing deeply. "I guess Rhea can say _I told you so_ now."

"Don't, she was worried. She didn't …."

"I know," Lucy interrupted him. "Was she the one that took my letters? You said you never got any of them. Was it her? My own mother?"

"I think so." He sat on the edge of the cushion and turned to watch her. "Rhea and John are planning a holiday. I want you to see them with me."

"It's late," she said, avoiding the question. "Let's sleep on it."

"I'm going to stretch out right here," he said, patting the sofa. "You go on. I'll catch you in the morning."

"Why? Is something wrong? Something I …why?"

He gently took her hand and traced his finger over a bruise that was forming on her upper arm. "This was from me. I told you once that I wouldn't touch you the day before or the day after. Do you understand now?"

The month went smoothly. When Rhea and John came, they would visit late into the evening while Lucy stayed busy in the kitchen or retired to her bedroom on the pretence of studying. The only time they were together and forced into conversation was at tea when Lucy tried to bite her tongue and Remus would watch her out of the corner of his eye, as if waiting for an explosion that Lucy was determined would not come. John found the silence between the women tiresome and tried to fill the gaps, unsuccessfully coaxing them to talk. Taking his opportunity the last night of their visit he shooed Remus and Rhea into the sitting room and helped Lucy clear the table.

"She means well," he said, picking up the plates and flatware. "She is worried about him."

"She is worried about what people will say if they find out he stays here," Lucy said as she slammed the pots into the sink and began scrubbing them.

"She's his mother," John said quietly as if this explained everything.

"Then she should be happy for him."

"She won't be happy until the war is over, he is safe and…he is accepted."

"You know that will never happen. We can pretend all we want but it will never happen," she said evenly, turning to study his face. "Do you think this is all I want? Do you think I like being alone all the time? Waiting for him to decide to come here for a few days? A week? A month? How do you think it makes me feel every time he runs off and I don't know when or if he'll come back this time? One day he will go back and I will never see him again. I know it. I know he won't stay with me!"

"Lucy!" Remus scowled at her from the doorway. "That's enough."

Lucy pushed passed him as she fled to the bedroom, throwing herself across the bed and sobbing. She lay still, listening to the muted voices in the next room until she heard Rhea and John leave and Remus come into the room.

"We need to talk." He said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"No," she pouted.

"Why did you say that? Do you truly believe I will leave you?"

"Remus?" She sat up and faced him. "When is my birthday?"

"What? I…umm, in the… in the summer?"

"January. Do you know what I am studying?"

"Lucy, don't do this…I'm not…"

"Ancient Languages. Do you have any idea what I do when you aren't here?"

"I know you like coffee in the morning instead of tea. You take it black. You like jasmine oil in your bath water and you adore those little yellow flowers that grow on the south slope. Lucy, I'm not good at things like birthdays and stuff like that." He leaned forward to kiss her cheek, not surprised when she turned her head away.

"I do nothing. I go from here to school and back. I graduate in a month. Did you even know that?" She said flatly, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed and turning her back to him. "I have a couple of job offers I have to sort out."

"How long have you known?" he asked quietly.

"For a month. I was waiting for a good time to bring it up."

"Go on."

"One is in Omsk, at the Dostoyevsky Museum of Literature. I thought I might take it."

"And the other?"

"In London."

"Which you don't want."

"No. I won't go back there."

"Then…it's Russia."

"Yes, I think so," she said quietly.

"Lucy," he said softly as he rose and walked around the bed to take her in his arms. "I can't give you more. I can't promise you that I will always be there for you. What I can promise you is that I'll try."

"It would be easy if I didn't love you," she sighed, leaning into his chest. "Sometimes I wish I didn't. It's hard."

"You never complained before."

"I keep hoping something will change. That we can…that something will change."

"Marry?"He tipped her chin up and met her eyes.

"Have a family."

He gently pushed her away and turned away from her. "I told you that will never happen."

"Will you be here for my graduation? I would like it if you could. You are all I have now and I want someone there." She changed the topic and started to ready for bed.

"Lucy, you need to understand…"

"No, I need to accept it." She smiled thinly. "I understand it completely. So, you agree that a move to Omsk wouldn't be too far? That you would still be able to make the trip?"

"I'll…no, not too far at all. It will take two port keys, but it's doable." He watched her slip her nightgown over her head fighting to keep her emotions in check. "I'll try to make the graduation. What day is it on?"

"The sixteenth," she looked up at him biting her lip, knowing it was also the day of the full moon.

"I guess I'm free," he grinned. "Care for another broom ride to the cabin?"

She started around the bed to him when she heard a timepiece, confused she looked around the room and saw Remus pick up his robes and sling them over his shoulders.

"I have to leave," he muttered.

"It's the Headmaster?" She ran to him and threw her arms around his neck. "Come back. Be careful and come back. It's enough…it's enough for me. Please, just be careful."

"Always," he said, gently pushing her away as the port key spun him away.


	56. Death

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 56**

**Death**

**

* * *

**

Remus was pulling his wand out as his feet touched the ground. He dropped to his knees as his eyes swept the field in front of him, momentarily confused and disorientated at finding himself alone until the sound of apparation filled the air.

"Boy!"Moody's voice called out. "You're my second. Fall in."

Remus ran to stand behind and to the left of Moody as he watched others take up positions in the field. "What's going on?"

"Getting out some Muggles tangled up in there." he nodded towards a small dark house on the edge of the field. "You take what you can and get them the bloody hell out of here. Head for the Hogshead, out back in the alley."

Remus nodded and glanced over his shoulder, seeing Black in full run behind Gideon leaving Prongs to follow the other Prewett brother. John appeared beside him with Peter, not acknowledging him as he sprinted to the north side of the dark house.

The front door burst open as all hell broke loose. Death Eaters ran out throwing hexes and apparating away. He heard Moody curse and throw up the anti-apparation spell too late as he set up a shield in front of him, spinning to the side to find where a stray curse had come from. He saw movement in the trees but was unable to see clearly. Dropping to one knee and sent a ball of fire to hover over the spot, lighting up the sky and making it clear that the Muggles had been herded outside.

"Fuck, don't know if that's all of 'em," Moody snorted, charging up the steps. Knowing that if the Muggles were outside something had changed since they had been briefed, but following through with the directive to clear the structure. "Gideon, get them out of here."

John and Peter ran to cover the pair sent into the woods as curses filled the air and the sound of children crying above the screams of their mothers lent an unholy air to the battle. Remus felt un-nerved and clutched his wand tighter, shutting out the sounds and concentrating on Moody. These were not the sounds of battle. Not of the war he thought he was fighting. These were the sounds of impending slaughter of innocents.

He kept his eyes on Moody's back, determined not to botch his first duel. When the old man went forward so did Remus. When he moved to the right Remus threw a hex to the left, step for step he matched the Auror only to find nothing in the house.

"Where's the fucking cellar?"Moody muttered. "Find it. There's a reason they want us to go after the ones in the woods."

Remus muttered _Lumos_ and began searching the floor for an indication a trap door. Running into what he assumed had been the kitchen he found it and called Moody. Together they pulled open the door and let it fall open before sending down a globe of light ahead of them.

"Don't hurt them…please…take me…take me but let them go." A young woman sobbed, puling against ropes that held her fast to the wall.

Remus turned in a circle, lighting every inch of the cellar as Moody squatted down and untied her. "We are getting you out of here."

"Moody?" Remus nodded to the far wall where two children sat huddled together.

"Did they get you yet?" Moody grabbed the woman's head and twisted it to the right and then to the left. "Looks good."

"No," she whispered. "This…this man with a mask on…he's crazy…help me…he said he was bringing…bringing someone…something back to…to…"

"Damned Muggles," Moody pulled her up. "Think werewolves and vampires are made up stories? Get them out of here boy."

Remus swung a boy around to this back, telling him to hold on as he pulled the girl up on his hip, throwing his free arm around the woman as Moody pushed her into him. He closed his eyes and spun out to the alley behind Hogshead, hoping that he could get them all there in one piece. He landed hard, falling to his knees as a pain ripped through his head, causing him to let up his grip on the girl. He took deep breaths, listening to the woman vomit onto the ground. Opening his eyes, he glanced at them, making sure they had made it whole, before he closed his own eyes and sucked in gulps of fresh air.

"I'll take them from here," Molly Weasley said calmly. "Now come dear, you and the children are just fine. Why tomorrow you'll wake up and not even remember this."

"I need to get back," Remus panted, digging for his pocket watch.

"You stay right where you are. You won't do any one any good in that condition." Molly said as she wrapped blankets around the three Muggles. "Who were you with that he let you bring out so many? No, forget it, it was that fool Moody."

"Who," Remus grinned. "Him or me?"

"Both, him for telling you to do it and you for trying. Could have lost all three."

Gideon and Black appeared, each with a Muggle in tow, followed by Peter and James with two more. Soon the small alley was full of wailing Muggles until Fabian put up a silencing spell. Molly took all her charges and sat them against the back of the building assuring them that they were safe and tending to minor cuts and scratches.

"Bloody Vampires," Moody spat as his feet touched down. "The fucking Death Eaters are feeding them. We were told it was the bloody wolves again."

John appeared and sagged to the ground, blood running down his face. "Something's wrong. It was too easy."

"They wanted us there," Fabian agreed.

"Get these people home," Moody said to Molly. "Arthur knows the memory spells. Just make sure they are clean. Don't need more…"

"That's enough." Molly stopped him from saying more, hoping that the Muggles did not understand what had happened.

"There's a debriefing." Moody spat on the ground and jerked his head toward John. "Busted his head open on a branch."

"Shut up," John muttered. "It was dark out there. Someone pushed me into it."

"You better get to St. Mungo's," Molly said, examining his brow. "Too close to your eye for me to mess with. If you wait for Arthur and Frank I'll take you myself."

"You know how to get to The Burrow?" Gideon asked Remus.

"The Burrow? No, I…" Remus said confused.

"The Weasley place." Moody shook is head. "Tag along with Black. He's been there."

Remus found Black squatted down in front of one of the children, trying unsuccessfully to get a name.

"Don't know where to take her back to." Sirius looked up at Remus and shrugged his shoulders.

"Her mum probably told her not to talk to strangers," Remus grinned. "Leave her for Molly."

"Right. You seen Prongs?"

"I think he went inside for a drink with Wormtail and that Marlene chick."

"Merlin," Sirius ran his hand through his hair. "Just what we need our first time out. Peter can't drink and walk let alone Apparate."

They collected the pair and after telling them, they were to report to The Burrow, Peter and James left as Sirius took Remus in a side-a-long. Sirius slapped Remus on the back when he saw his look of surprise upon seeing the structure the Weasleys called home.

"Something isn't it?"

"Merlin," Remus grinned. "How does it stay up?"

"Don't let Molly hear you say anything against it. That's one witch you don't want to cross."

"Wouldn't think of it." Remus said, reaching for the door.

"Moony," Black said quietly, reaching out and stopping Remus. "Did you get a good look at any of them?"

"No, they were gone before I was …"

"No, the two…in the woods. Did you see them?"

"What's wrong?"

"The one in the back, tall…he had his mask on, for what they are worth. I didn't pay much attention at first…but...fuck. He had me dead to rights and never threw a curse. Just…just didn't do it."

"Scared?"

"No, he…he was open. He had a clean shot. Then he just stood there, any one of us could have taken him down. He just lowered his wand and stepped back. He didn't even try to fight us. I think it was Snape."

"You sure?"

"No, just…the way he moved, the way he held his wand. I…I would swear to it."

Remus studied Black's face and saw the turmoil he was going through. "And the other one? Who was it?"

"My brother."

"You have to tell the Order. At least what you think…if you didn't see his face you can't be certain."

"Why else didn't they take me out?"

The door opened suddenly, revealing Minerva, who stepped to the side and waved them in. "We want to get home some time tonight gentlemen."

Sitting in the kitchen with platters of sandwiches and a seemingly never ending pot of tea the discussed the nights work, going over every detail, dwelling on what had gone wrong. Moody was furious that the anti-apparation spell had not been used before they had arrived. All eyes went to Peter who shrugged and explained that he had a hard time finding John, causing their lateness.

"I will discuss the matter with Mr. Dawlish when he returns from St. Mungo's," Albus said frowning. "This will not happen again. Six slipped through our fingers tonight."

"Eight," Sirius muttered, looking at Remus. "There were two watching the Muggles they had taken outside."

He explained what he had seen, including the description of the Death Eaters, and his impressions of who they were. He was only half way through his identification when the Headmaster raised his hand, silencing him.

"We only use positive identifications, Mr. Black. They have fooled us before, with disastrous results. It is not unlike them to plant the seed of doubt amongst our ranks to benefit from our own confusion. Until this is verified, this will go no further. What we need to focus on is the woman left in the cellar and determine why she and her children were the ones they kept."

"She's a Crabbe," Arthur said walking into the kitchen and kissing Molly on the cheek. "At least her mum was before she married a Muggle. We stopped by at the Ministry and looked up the records. Neither one of the children are magical nor is she so it wouldn't be obvious."

"Poor child," Molly sighed. "Pulled into this with nary a reason as to the why."

"It was a bloody ruse," Moody spat. "You mark my words. Something else was up they didn't want us available for."

"I agree," Albus said solemnly. "We need to add to our ranks. That, or agree to go in at half strength."

"No," Molly said loudly. "You will not send them in unprotected!"

"We do that or don't answer every call for help," Gideon argued. "Should we have left them there to be sucked dry because we wanted to wait for more information?"

"We only needed…four at the most," Black offered.

"Didn't know that 'fore we rushed in," Moody spat.

The argument with on with no resolution until Minerva announced the meeting closed. Remus waited to talk to Albus. Explaining what he wanted the Headmaster to reset the pocket watch to take him back to Lucy and give him the spell to reset it as soon as he arrived.

"Before you leave I need a moment." Albus said, leading him back into the kitchen where Molly was making a pot of tea. "Do you agree with Mr. Black?"

"I went inside…not to the woods."

"That is not what I asked." Albus peered over his spectacles.

"He's known his brother was going to join them for a couple of years now and I would guess that even with robes and those pitiful masks they wear he could recognize him. Snape? I don't know, sir. I guess I would be more surprised that they would put two of the younger troops together. We both know Snape can fight, it's not that but wouldn't they do the same a you? Pair them with someone else?"

"He is known for sacrificing his new recruits. I believe that our mission was discovered prior to our arrival. In which case, Voldemort may have used two of his many to distract us. He is unconcerned about such things as the death of his chosen. By sacrificing two he would lend more importance than there was to this site at the same time sending me a message that he has some measure of control over the youth at my school."

"And now? That we got the Muggles without killing them?"

"He will either see them as heroes or traitors. If it is indeed Mr. Black's brother, you may hope for the first. The later does not survive in his army."

"He is gathering the vampires now," Remus said shaking his head.

"Give my best to your young woman," Albus smiled as he stood up, ending the conversation. "I have always thought she would go far. How delightful that she will soon take top honours in her class."

Remus brought his eyes up and studied Albus' face, seeing his eyes alight with humour. "You've been watching her."

"I told you she would be safe. Have you doubted me?"

"That was years ago."

"And she is still safe. Is she not?" Albus chuckled. "I have taken the liberty of visiting with your mother. A most delightful woman albeit a little…old fashioned. Not that I disagree with her, however in these uncertain times it is understandable."

Remus stood up and held out his hand, shaking Albus' as the old man clasped his in both of his own. "I will ask you, in light of what we have seen today, to double your efforts. There are other…venues that are being used. We must find them."

"The next moon is on the sixteenth," Remus said. "I have someplace to be earlier that day but with the port key it shouldn't be a problem."

At Lucy's graduation, he stood in the back of the hall, watching as Lucy took her place behind the podium and gave a speech to her class. Her eyes kept going to his as she tried to pay attention to the crowd in front of her. _She has never looked happier_, he thought, _never so full of life and anxious to move on_. He felt a swell of pride just watching her and knowing that she was his.

"Remus? Is it not?" A young man joined him at the wall.

"Yes," Remus frowned as he looked at the man. "Is it Carl? I think we met."

"Yes, yes," Carl smiled and leaned against the wall, folding his arms and nodding to Lucy. "She was my…how do you say…study mate. My wife's study mate."

"Your wife is here also?"

"Yes, there," he pointed to a woman sitting quietly, her hand on her swollen stomach obvious even with her graduation robes on. "Beautiful, is she not?"

"Beautiful, yes she is. Congratulations."

"We are pleased the baby will be born at home." Carl smiled, his accent slipping away. "Once Lucy leaves for her job assignment there will be no way of tracing her. She will be quite safe."

Remus ginned and lowered his chin until it was resting on his chest. "I thank you. Does she know it was you?"

"No, she would be…let's just say angry does not come close." He chuckled and received a glare from his wife, who held up a finger to her lips.

"Is Carl your real name?"

"No." He nodded and pushed away from the wall. "I hope we never meet again."

Remus nodded and watched as he walked off before turning his attention to Lucy and the swell of applause that filled the room. Once the diplomas were handed out, she ran to him and threw her arms around his neck.

"How long can you stay? There is a celebration. Remember? I told you about it so don't give me that look."

"I have a couple of hours left," he said laughing. "And what kind of look am I giving you?"

"The _let's go to bed and hang what you want_ look."

"Not today," he said, tapping the end of her nose with his finger. "Nor is it the best time from me to be with a crowd."

"We can leave early," she said hopefully. "There is every kind of food imaginable and no speeches. I promise. You should eat today, you know how you get."

"Food? Food that I don't have to cook and you don't have to burn?"

She slapped his arm and pulled him along, wrapping her arm around his elbow. "I am happy. Don't go ruining it. Look around, no one knows you here. No one cares. Let's have a good day."

"We need to finish packing and…"

"I'll have all night once you leave. I promise, it'll be done before you get back."

"The movers come on the eighteenth…"

"I know." She rolled her eyes. "We don't have that much left, only a little in the kitchen and my clothes. Please?"

"Oh," he muttered, stopping until she turned to face him, pulling a box from his pocket. "You will have to pack this."

She took the box in both hands looking into his eyes. "You have never given me a gift."

"Now who is ruining it?" He quirked an eyebrow at her.

She opened the box and found a pair of perfectly matched sapphire earrings set in platinum. "My gods…Remus? How?"

"They were my grandmothers," he said, watching her face closely. "If you don't like…"

"No! I love them…I…I have never had anything so beautiful." She handed him the box and took them out one at a time, placing them on her ears. "How do they look?"

"Beautiful, as is the wearer," he said softly as he leaned down and kissed her.

"Come," she giggled as she tugged him along. "Now I have to show them off."

Remus left Lucy at the celebration after eating and drinking until he thought he would never eat another bite. He headed first to Potter's house to change his clothes into something he could no longer wear in public and take his second dose of potion. Lily had a gift ready for him to take back to Lucy and asked a hundred questions about the graduation, explaining the importance of receiving honours to James as she did, rolling her eyes and laughing when he thought it was like completing Hogwarts.

All too soon, Remus felt the tug of the moon and reset the port key to take him to a new destination in search of yet another hiding pace. He arrived at the edge of a pond, damp and dank, a smell of rotting fish and mucky water, unfit to drink and stagnant. He did not have to time to hike to higher ground, striping off his clothes as soon as he arrived and stuffing the now familiar flannel in his mouth he fell to his knees and tried to keep a vision of Lucy in front of him. The wolf sprang up instead, pushing all memory of her away, bristling the yet fully formed hair along its spine, fighting for dominance before Remus had suffered through the worse of the pain. He felt a growl of anger deep in his chest, before the wolf had taken over his jaw. Unable to lift his head he fought the demon inside him, concentrating on holding the wolf at bay, at last changing without screaming in pain.

He sat up on his haunches, panting and tasting the air, sensing others he allowed he wolf it's lead and ran up to firmer ground. Remus saw electric lights in the distance and flattened the wolf to the ground, sniffing the air and trying to see where he was. He fought to keep the wolf down, unable to control it as he had so easily in the past. Confused as to the reason he gave it the freedom to run, relying on the wolf's instinct to keep them safe.

The wolf turned even with the electric lights, running parallel, not getting closer, but not avoiding them. Remus saw a small building in front of him, hidden in the darkness made deeper by the near by lights. The wolf dropped on its stomach, its lip curling up in a snarl as saliva dripped from its mouth. Remus lifted the wolf's head as he inched forward, seeing what he assumed to be a farmer step back in fear, waving a rake in front of him. Following the farmer's eyes, he saw the other wolf.

As if on signal, the other wolf and that which was Remus sped toward the man. Remus launched into the air and took down the other, his teeth sinking into the back of its neck. The other twisted, rolled to the ground, trying to shake of the attacker as Remus gave over to his rage, clamping his teeth harder, tasting blood and hearing his teeth grate against bone as his claws raked its sides, splitting it open and spilling its bowels to the ground. All too soon for the wolf within Remus, the fight was over. It ripped at the dead flesh, pulling it from the bone and tearing at the animal until Remus was sickened and finally able to pull it back in a fit of rage and power.

Remus sat back over his prey and allowed his wolf a howl of victory as the farmer ran in fear. The Muggle's movement caught the wolf's attention, a low rumble of warning spilling out, which Remus fought down as he forced the wolf to turn away from the easy kill. Horrified that he had killed so easily once and that he wanted to again. For a moment, he lost control and almost unleashed the beast on the unwitting farmer before he managed to run. Needing to expend the pent up energy and power that he felt in the creature he could no longer control as easily as he had before.

He prowled he property, staying away from the electrical lights until almost dawn. Finding nothing else, and knowing his time was running short he approached the lit area. He wondered why so many lights blazed all night. Skirting around the perimeter of the corral he looked for signs of more wolves, and then assumed it was fear that kept the lights on all night. Satisfied that it was nothing more, he began to lope over the field, finding his way back to the pond where he left his clothes.

Remus squatted at the edge of the blackish water, trying to wash off the blood that he was covered in. Using the flannel the wiped his face, worried about Lucy's reaction if he showed up looking like he knew he did. With a deep sigh he apparated to Potter's place, thinking it best to clean up before returning home.

"Bloody hell," Black hissed when he opened the door, pushing Remus back into the yard, glancing over his shoulder into the kitchen. "Get your arse over here."

Sirius pulled his wand and hosed Remus down while he scrubbed at his face and hands. "I didn't have clean water…"

"Water? Bloody hell, you don't have a brain. You show up looking like this and even Lily is going to lose it."

"The potion is wrong," Remus explained. "I couldn't control…"

"What happened?" Sirius asked, looking back at the house. "Christ, Moony, what the shite happened?"

"Nothing like what you are thinking," Remus spat.

"Thank Merlin," Black sighed, casting a drying spell.

"There was a werewolf…I don't know who it was…I…it was a wolf."

"Fuck, Remus, don't do this to yourself…it was a ruddy werewolf right?"

"Right. Like me."

"I didn't mean it that way. You know that. Did you kill it?"

"Yeah," Remus whispered.

"Then you killed a wolf. That's all it was. Remember that kid. Just a wolf."

"Sirius?" Lily called from the back door. "Is that Remus? Tell him breakfast is ready. We have plenty."

"How do I look?" Remus licked his lips and swallowed nervously.

"Like shite, but at least the bloods gone. Fuck it man, you can't show up like that. We have to figure something out."

"Yeah, like a cure."Remus started to the house.

"Listen," Black grabbed his arm and yanked him back. "From now on we'll set up a…a changing station someplace. We'll think of something."

"I need to talk to Potter," Remus said, his voice shaking. "Gods, I lost it. I could hardly control him. You don't know. You have no idea how close I was. I could smell his fear. I wanted to…I wanted to …it has to be the potion. It needs to be stronger."

"You didn't," Black said, pulling him into a hug and slapping him on the back. "Now come on and eat before Lily if after us."

After taking the hottest shower he could, Remus changed into the clothing he had arrived in, reducing what he had worn to ash. He used Lily's nailbrush to remove the last of the dried blood from under his fingernails and studying his face and hair in the mirror he finally felt clean enough to go down to eat. He listened to Lily's banter about the upcoming wedding and tried to answer politely, unable to get the sound of his teeth meeting bone and the tearing of flesh from his mind.

"So is that a promise?" Lily asked.

"Sure." Remus snapped his head up from his plate. "What?"

"You will bring Lucy." Lily pressed her lips together in a thin angry line. "You have not heard a word I said."

"Of course I did," he said meekly. "I have to get going."

"Remus? Aren't you waiting to see James? He should be back soon."

"No, give him my best and tell him I plan on getting drunk at his wedding," Remus grinned. "I'll talk to Lucy but I have to see Albus before I head back."

He waited in the Headmaster's office, pacing in front of the fireplace, imagining every creek in the floor as footfalls on the steps. Running his hand through his hair, he stood at the window and looked out on the grounds, losing himself in memories.

"I seemed much simpler when you were a student." The Headmaster said, stepping out of the fireplace and waving Remus to the chair opposite him.

"I was just thinking of all the times I sat here before," Remus grinned. "Why you never kicked us out is beyond me."

"Peter had no home to go to. His was a sad family, one fraught with jealousy and no room for a child." Albus sighed heavily. "As for Mr. Black he would now be with his brother, or dead. It was clear to see from an early age the battle he would have with himself."

"And Potter?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter," Albus sighed. "I must say it took the death of his parents for him to grow up. However, grow up he did. Unfortunately it took far too long and much harsher circumstanced that I had hoped for."

"And I? The experiment?"

"That and my own guilt for not seeing what had happened to Marcus." He picked up a dish of lemon drops and offered one to Remus. "I have made many mistakes in my time here, and before, and I am afraid they shall not be my last."

"Sir, last night something happened."

Albus held up his hand to silence him and shook his head. "It has been brought to my attention that there was an incident involving a werewolf attack. It seems a man's life hung in the balance. He claims another wolf interceded and killed one that would have taken his life."

"Who was it," Remus said, leaning forward resting his arms on his legs and looking at the floor.

"Will that make it easier?"

"I don't know. I killed a man. I deserve to know his name."

"Why does that concern you?"

"I could have been me. If I didn't have someone to buy the potion for me, if I didn't have the friends I have…it could have been me." Remus looked up and studied Albus. "Was he a good man? Did he have a family? How old was he? He couldn't help what he was doing! I know that! I know he wasn't on the potion! He was pure wolf."

"Tell me Remus," Albus said, slipping into first name basis. "If you had…killed a human while in your wolf form what would you want done?"

"I would want to die," he choked, feeling the sting of tears.

"Do you think a good man would feel differently?"

"That's not the point. It wasn't my decision to make. It was his."

"The man you saved is a husband, the father of four, and a good man. A man that is a good member of society and although a Muggle, not unaware of us. His youngest child will be joining us next term. Would you rather have lost him?"

"That's unfair. I could have stopped it. I could have…I didn't have to…"

"Kill him? Nevertheless, you did my lad. I cannot pretend to know what you are feeling. However, I do know taking a life takes its toll, that I am not a stranger to."

Remus sighed and leaned back in the chair, running his sleeve over his eyes. "Does it get easier?"

"No, we convince ourselves that the lives we take are taken in the name of good, but we know, deep inside that a death for any reason is a waste. If you did not feel this way I would not trust you and would not have allowed you to join us."

"Moody has…"

"Moody has sat here himself," Albus stood and walked around in front of the desk, sitting on its edge and laying a hand on Remus' shoulder. "It is because of our grief over the loss of an innocent life that makes it all the more important to end this thing as soon as we can."

"Was he an innocent?"

"No," Albus said reluctantly. "I will only tell you that the farmer was not to be his first victim."

"Thank you," Remus said with a sigh as he stood. "I want to get back."

"Of course." The Headmaster walked to the floo and held out the box of powder. "You will travel first to the Broomsticks. I have decided that port keys and apparation to these grounds are no longer safe."

"First I want you to promise me something." Remus said evenly.

"That I will not do," Albus scowled. "To take any life is…"

"You owe it to me! To Marcus! To everyone you claim to protect. You owe me this!"

Albus clasped his hands behind his back slowly nodded. "I will see that it is done."

After travelling to the Broomsticks and drinking a cup of tea with Rosmerta, unable to leave until he did so, he arrived back at the apartment that he shared with Lucy. Seeing she had already laid out his blanket and pillow on the sofa, he slumped into a chair and lowered his head to his hands.

"Remus? You are so late I didn't think you were coming back tonight."

"Sorry. Something came up."

She started towards him, then remembering his constant reprimands about approaching him the day after a full moon hung back in the doorway. "What's wrong?'

"Nothing, go to bed. Get away from me."

"Remus? Look at me. You're lying."

He lifted his head and saw her standing framed by the light shinning in the room behind her. Without thinking, he stood and crossed to her, pulling her to his chest and hungrily covering her mouth with his.

"I need you," he choked into her mouth. "I've never needed you as much as I do right now."

"What's wrong," she said, fear lacing her words and she pushed against his chest enough to look into his face. "Talk to me!"

"I feel like I'm dying," he nearly sobbed as his lips crashed down on hers again.

She led him into the bedroom, dropped her nightgown to the floor and slipped under the covers, holding the blanket up until he stripped down and joined her. There were no tender words this time. No playful caresses or smouldering kisses. He didn't wait for her to reach his level of arousal or even care if she were ready to accept him. He took her with a hunger and passion that scared her. He claimed her with a fervour that had her close to calling out to make him stop. Watching his face, she knew he was not making love to her but driving out demons that he could not reach and was using her to find them. Wrapping her arms around his back, she held onto him, digging her fingernails into his flesh as he lost himself in her and she fought to meet him in his release.

As soon as he finished he rolled over and pulled her into his side, forcing her head on this shoulder. He hung onto her so tightly she was afraid to move for fear of angering him. Laying still she finally felt his grip loosen and his breathing even out signalling his sleep. Only then, could she close her eyes and feel safe in his arms. In the morning, she woke to him lifting back the sheets and inspecting her body, a look of disgust and loathing on his face.

"Do I look that bad?" She chided him.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, touching a small bite mark on her shoulder. "You have bruises on your thighs. I don't remember…"

"It's fine. You scared me, but you didn't hurt me."

"Roll over. I want to see your back."

"No, I tell you I am fine."

"Did I…"

"No! I'm fine, truly. It was after, you…Remus? What's wrong? You have never been like that. Even afterwards, you scared me."

"I…I wanted you. I had a bad night and…just…thank you," he kissed her gently. "This won't happen again. I should have known not to come back. I thought I could handle it."

Lucy sat up and looked down at him, pulling up a sheet to her chest. "Thank you? Do you plan on telling me what the fuck this is about?"

"I love you. Do you know that?" He grinned at her and tugged down the sheet, looking at her breasts before he leaned forward, kissing them each in turn. "After all this time and you still are too shy to be naked in front of me."

"You're not telling me. Right?"

"Right." He swung his legs out of the bed and sat up. "Now get up woman. I want breakfast."


	57. Loss

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 57**

**Loss**

**

* * *

**

Remus spent hours refreshing what little Russian he knew to the delight of Lucy who openly laughed at his accent and demanded that they speak it at home until he could carry on a conversation. It seemed the harder he tried the more mistakes he made, now confusing his German with his Russian.

"You need to get out more," Lucy had laughed at him. "Try doing the marketing again. If you can make it through that you've got it."

"Right, the last time I brought home god only knows what and you threw it in the bin."

"Carp. You let them sell you a rancid piece of fish. You have to watch them here. Especially when they know you are a foreigner." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Anything you buy in the open market you smell. Once they see you know what you are doing and are at least trying to use their language they will be wonderful to you. Truly, they are friendly if you don't act like such a…git."

"Potter's wedding is next week," he watched as she shoved her papers into her briefcase, getting ready for work.

"I'd have to come home that night or first thing in the morning. I can't get the day off." She turned to him biting her lip. "I can come home alone if you want to stay. I don't need magic to use a port key."

"No, if I know Potter he will be gone right after the wedding himself," he grinned. "I don't know why Lily is even wasting her time on a party."

"He will do no such thing. It's her wedding! It's not as if they haven't been sleeping together. I'm sure he can wait a couple of hours. She's planned a whole year on this."

"Two. Here," he said, picking up her case and walking her to the door. "I wish we had taken the place in town."

"Why? I know how to drive and this is better."

Remus looked at the tiny blue automobile and frowned. "I could take you."

"Right and I can explain how I get to work every day. No thank you." She took his arm as he walked her to the driveway. "They watch everything I do. It will take a while before they trust me. It's strange here, at work I mean. Once those doors close I feel like I am under a micro…a… umm… a spy glass."

"It takes you an hour to get there," Remus pointed out. "Two hours a day spent…spent…driving… for a job it sounds like you regret you took."

"It pays the bills," she said lightly, feeling him stiffen. "Something else will turn up. Just don't unpack everything."

"Lucy," he said, turning her to face him. "If you don't like it here quit. We can go back to Germany."

"I want to finish at least six months. It will look good on a resume and I can't very well go scampering off without something waiting for me."

"I should go back to England." He tossed her briefcase in the back seat and slammed the door. "If you didn't have me to…"

"Stop it," she hissed. "We've been over this so many times I am sick to death of it."

Remus ran his hands through his hair trying to grin at her. "So it's me and the books today. Now if you had taken a job in France I would be all set."

"I didn't mean to snap," she sighed. "Will you still be here when I get back?"

"I have to leave at five."

"Will you be back tonight?"

"I'll see how it goes. I won't have another repeat of…"

"Do you do this once a month just so I am glad to see you leave?" She pulled the door open and slid under the steering wheel. "I swear you say things like that just to piss me off."

"No," he grinned and leaned down into the window kissing her goodbye. "However I will admit that I like the way your neck turns red when you are angry."

"Git," she smiled, as she rolled up the window and started down the drive.

Remus had to admit the house they had found suited him. From the hardwood floors to the pot-bellied stove in the kitchen it reminded him more of the house he grew up in then the carpeted floors and white walls of Germany. Here things were simpler, even the Muggle electricity was limited, not working half the time and not wired through the entire structure. He still found candle light preferable over the harsh glare of light bulbs and liked having a cold box in the kitchen.

Spreading his books out on the kitchen table, he made a pot of tea and sat down to once again practice his Russian. Although he could read it, and often sat with one of the books Lucy dragged home, he had only to open his mouth to forget all he knew and stumble like a first year in potions. He was on his second cup of tea when he heard the familiar tapping of an owl at the window. Opening the sash, he let it in and gave it some of his toast before he untied the missive.

"Who ever sent you on this trip should give you a month long holiday," he told the bird, grinning as he unsealed the parchment. "Well old girl, you stick around and I'll take you back with me."

He reached over the birds head and closed the window as the owl flew up t the top of the fridge and promptly tucked its head under a wing to sleep. Remus reread the letter wondering how Lucy would take it, tossing it to the side to wait for her.

She pulled up in front of the house at four, anxious to see him before he left and found him already outside waiting for her. "I'm glad I caught you."

"You have a letter from the Ministry," Remus said, leading her into the kitchen. "I didn't even think to check the name on it before I opened it."

"The Ministry?" She read the letter quickly, looking up at him in confusion. "Probate what?"

"Your mother's estate. I think Albus pushed it through," Remus said with a shrug before he noticed her eyes fill with tears and pulled her close. "Lucy, don't. What good is it to wait until the houses and properties fall apart? You know it's better this way. I think your mother would want it done now."

"She would be happier to see it go to Voldemort and you know it," she spat. "It's next month. It says I have to appear in person."

"I'll go with you. It's time for my annual check up...rather past due. They can't keep me out if we make it the same day."

"Remus, is that an owl?"

"Yeah." He laughed and looked up at the bird with her. "I am surprised it made it. What's the date on that letter?"

Lucy dropped her eyes to the parchment again and blanched. "It's tomorrow. It took three weeks for the damn bird to get here. You people really have to learn how to use a telephone."

"We don't have one," Remus shouted as he hurried to their bedroom and pulled a suitcase down from the top shelf of the cupboard.

"I don't want to go," she said from the doorway, nervously biting her lip. "What happens if I don't?"

"Everything goes to the Ministry."He paused and turned back to her. "If that's what you want it's up to you."

"I'd like Diablo back. I miss him."

"Who?"

"My horse. I wonder…is he still there?"

Remus thought back to the night he spent outside the barn at her uncle's place and shook his head. "He must have been sold off. The farm should go to you as well as your grandmother's old house. You said once it belonged to your uncle and as his only living heir it's yours now."

"I don't know what to do," she said meekly, sitting on the edge of the bed. "What would you do?"

"It's different for me. I live there, it's my home."

"I thought you lived with me," she said sadly. "You never did consider being with me home."

"I do," he said joining her on the bed. "I…I belong there."

"Would it make it easier for you? Give you someplace to stay on your monthly trips?"

Remus thought of the condition he was in when he showed up at Potter's house the morning after the kill and nodded his head. "But that's not a good enough reason if you don't want to live there."

"No, but I hate it here," she said honestly. "That Mr. What's his name that gets angry at me every time I say his name wrong made a pass at me today…or rather a grope. That's why I left early."

"Who?" He turned her head to her, his face growing dark. "I'll talk to him. I can make sure he won't do that …"

"Right, and when he calls the police you can pull out your passport and visa?"

"This isn't working."

"Whatever gave you that idea?" She asked with a grin. "We fucked up didn't we?"

"If moving a few thousand miles from home, to a job you hate, staying in a house that is hard to live in without magic and getting hit on by old fat men is fucking up, then yes, I think we did."

"Get the other suitcase down," she jumped up and started yanking clothes out of the drawers.

"What about that…that …thing you drive?"

"Let someone nick it. I haven't paid it off yet."

"Lucy?"

"Shrink everything down. What doesn't fit we leave."

"We can come back you know," he said laughing at her. "We don't have to take it all at once."

"I've never done anything like this," she giggled. "Me. Remember me? I'm the one that plans to make a plan."

"What about the books?"

"Leave them. Most of them belong to the library. Take what you want. I don't care if I ever see them again. Just…just start shrinking and packing…we take what fits."

"We can't take the furniture." Remus ran his hands though his hair, looking at her lifetime of accumulated belongings. "Lucy, maybe we should slow down."

"No, we need to leave." She stopped suddenly and spun toward him. "Your potion! You have to take your potion and we have to hurry."

"I did," he said quietly. "I'll finish up here. You had better grab the owl. I don't think she can make it back on her own."

"Good, then they won't suspect anything if I just let her go free," she yelled over her shoulder s she ran to the kitchen. "Fuck them and their special owls let them learn how to use the post."

Remus laughed and stuffed what he could in the two suitcases making it to the kitchen in time to see the owl fly off and Lucy close the window behind it. "Feel good?"

"Feels wonderful." She grabbed his robes and her jumper from beside the back door and hugged his arm. "Ready?"

"Ready," he grinned. "We have to go someplace we can be seen together. How about the Broomsticks for the night?"

She nodded as he reset the port key and waited for the familiar sensation of Wizarding travel. They set down outside of the back door and hurried into the kitchen where they found Rosmerta sorting out the kitchen.

"And here is my other best girl," Remus smiled widely, dragging in Lucy behind him.

"Remus!" Rosmerta turned from the sink at first smiling then her face turning to a scowl. "Do you know what time it is? Off with you now. Leave her with me but get the bloody hell out of here or get your arse down in the cellar."

"Owl the guys, let them know we are here to stay and feed her," he said in a rush glancing out the window at the horizon. "Fuck. I thought I had more time."

"Go," Lucy said. "Be careful."

"Always," he leaned down and kissed Lucy's cheek as Rosmerta swatted his arm trying to hurry him along.

"I'm going, I'm going," he laughed, resetting the portkey as he did and disappearing as the women watched from the window over the sink.

"Going to get caught one of these days," Rosmerta muttered, wiping her hands on her apron. "So what is all this?"

Lucy finished setting down the suitcases and emptying her pockets. "We moved back. At least until I find a new place."

"Do you think that wise?"

"He missed his registration last year," Lucy looked up from where she knelt on the floor. "He has to go in tomorrow and I have an appointment."

"Bloody idiot, he missed the one before that as well."

"He said Moody fixed that one."

"Right, him and a memory spell," Rosmerta snorted. "Won't work this time."

Lucy got off the floor after pushing their belonging under the table and sat in a chair. Listening to Rosmerta tell her about the slow take over of the Ministry by the _dark forces_, as she called them. She put on a pot of tea as the older witch went to the floo to spread the word that Remus had returned and soon the small kitchen was full to Lucy's discomfort and Sirius' obvious delight.

"So he got you to move back," Black grinned widely. "Bout time that. Bloody hard on him coming and going at all hours."

"Twice last week, even with a port key I'd be knackered," James added.

"Last week?" Lucy asked. "I must have…when last week?"

Sirius looked at James, who pretended to find something interesting on the table top, kicking Peter who began to give the times and dates.

"I see," Lucy said tersely. "This was Order business I assume."

"He probably didn't want to worry you," Lily said softly, reaching out and covering her hand. "You know how he is."

"No, I guess I don't," Lucy quipped. "Rosmerta? Which room are we in?"

"Second floor, third door," she turned from the oven, where she was just pulling out dinner. "Got Remus up on three. I'll tuck your luggage away soon as I feed this group."

Lucy felt her face flame red at the reminder that she and Remus were not to share a room while in this world. Pushing the swinging door to the dinning room open, she was almost to the stairs to go up to her room, when she decided to grab her suitcase and ask Rosmerta to enlarge it so she could change. She paused before going back into the kitchen hearing Lily's voice.

"If you ask me it's high time she learned. She has no idea what he is into."

"Leave it alone," Sirius warned. "If he wants her here it's his business."

"Well I for one don't trust her," Lily whispered. "Look where she comes from. Just because she's a squib doesn't mean she isn't spying on him. I hear his own mother thought that. Anyway, he acts as if he is tending a kid when he is with her."

"He obviously doesn't tell her much," Peter pointed out with a snigger. "Fuck, he didn't even tell her he was coming and going all the time. Maybe she's better in bed than she looks."

"Shut up, Wormtail," James snapped.

Lucy stepped back from the door and fled up stairs, throwing herself across the bed and hugging the pillow. She replayed the conversation in her head and tried to convince herself that she had only heard part of it, that they were protecting their friend, that if Remus didn't love her he wouldn't be with her. Try as she might she could not get Peter's crude remark or Lily's condescending tone out of her mind. Finally, she fell into a fitful sleep, waking to look out the window and judge the time by the low hanging moon. Whispering his name, she closed her eyes and tried to feel his presence, just to know he was close and not in danger.

A quiet timid knock came to her door and she heard Rosmerta's voice in a whisper. "Are you up?"

"Yes," she pulled open the door in a rush, "what's wrong? You know something? He's hurt?"

"No, no child. He should be back in an hour. You are welcome to help in the kitchen. He used to enjoy a hot meal when he came back."

"Are the others gone?" Lucy asked, trying to sound normal.

"Don't you pay them any attention. They worry is all there is to it. They always seem younger then he does. His brother was the same way," Rosmerta said starting down the stairs. "Come along now. Be light out soon."

"What time does the Ministry open?" Lucy asked as she kneaded the dough for the sweet rolls.

"Early. Seven for most things. Eight for the rest."

"I can use the floo from here, right?"

"Remus will need to sleep a bit." Rosmerta stopped chopping pecans and looked at Lucy strangely.

"I should go alone. I don't want him caught up in any problems and you know…no, maybe you don't. They are going to probate my mum's estate. Since it is well known who she is, I don't want Remus connected with it. Vold…He Who Must Not Be Named is known for recruiting werewolves and Remus doesn't need that kind of attention."

"You want me to get Moody or…"

"No, I can do this my self," Lucy said, not looking up. "How hard can it be?"

"He's here," Rosmerta wiped her hands on he apron and went to open the back door. "How bad this time boy?"

"I'm fine," Remus sighed. "Easy night."

"The potion worked better?" Lucy asked, her eyes travelling from his face to his hands as the pulled up his shirt and looked for fresh cuts.

"Fine, I just want to clean up and eat. Smells good. I haven't had one of your breakfasts for a long time Ro."

"Third floor, I put your stuff in there to since she can't enlarge it anyway."

"Let me grab something," Lucy wiped her hands off and went up to the room with Remus.

"The blue suit will do," she pointed to the one she wanted and waited for Remus to return it to size. "I need to talk to you."

"Can it wait until I…"

"No, I have to do this now."

He flopped on the edge of the bed and scrubbed his face with his hands. "Fine, make it quick."

Lucy fell to her knees between his legs and looked up at him. "You know I love you?"

"I should hope I do by now," he grinned.

She took his hand and turned it over, pressing the earrings he had given her into his palm and curling his fingers around them. "Before you say anything listen to me."

"Lucy? What's … what's going on?"

"I've tried. I have. I've tried to be what you want…what you need. I can't do it. You are looking for something you won't find with me."

"Lucy, don't do this," he choked, cupping her face with his free hand.

"These were your grandmothers, who gave them to her daughter. She gave them to you, so your children would eventually have them. Don't you see? When you find what you're looking for you will want to have a family and children. You will be a good father, Remus…"

"Stop this," he snarled, grabbing her arms and shaking her. "What the fuck happened since last night?"

"Nothing," she winced, trying not to fight against his strength. "I woke up. I see you with your friends and you are happy. When was the last time we were truly happy? It doesn't mean that we stop fighting for a week or two, it doesn't…Remus, please. You are hurting me."

He shoved her away and raked his hands through his hair. "What did I do? Or didn't I do? Bloody hell, you need to explain this to me because I think you need to go to St. Mungo's."

"You don't trust me. After all we have been through you don't love me enough to trust me. " She felt her resolve slipping as tears filled her eyes and her voice shook. "Perhaps if I had magic or if I was prettier…perhaps…"

"Stop it!" He grabbed her arms and stood, pulling her with him, his eyes flickering to the yellow of the wolf that was just beneath his skin. "Is it what I am? Did I hurt you that night I…"

"No," she gasped, shaking her head as her sobs raked her body. "Let me go. Just…let me go. I can't be like them, the people you want to be with. Remember me? I'm the one that hid in the cellar and listened while my family was butchered. I had to hide from my own mother. I had to run away and hide. I waited for you because you promised me we would be together. I waited and went to school and not once, not once did I regret it. Remus, you treat me like a cause, someone to protect to take care of…not like a...a what? A wife? A mistress? I want more."

"You are all I have!"

"That's not enough." She turned to the door, pausing before opening it. "Perhaps that's our problem. You don't see what you have. You think yourself poor and have people that would lay down their lives for you while I thought I had it all, and in the end have no one."

"You have me!" He yanked her back by the elbow, pushing her into the wall and putting a hand on each side of her head. "Is there someone else?"

"Gods, no," she sobbed.

"Stay. I love you."

"I know you do, but not enough." She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his neck. "That's why I cant let you waste your life on me and I can't wait anymore."

"Lucy, you…you are the only one I've ever loved, ever made love with, ever wanted to make love with. We can work this out. Anything you want. Just tell me what the fuck you want!"

"Let me go, Remus. Please. If you love me, if you care at all…let me have a life too. I want a home. A husband that doesn't have to hide things from me. I want your baby. Will you give me that?"

"No," he pushed her away angrily. "We've been through this."

"I have to get dressed." She pushed by him, grabbed her suit and fled the room.


	58. Learning to Live Again

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 58**

**Learning to Live Again**

**

* * *

**

Remus winced as Poppy taped his ribs and healed two deep gashes over his eye. Clicking her tongue and tisking her disapproval, she made it known he had been a fool by not just her words but by the less then gentle care she gave him.

"Bloody hell woman," Remus slapped her hands away. "I don't know who is worse."

"Couldn't just shut your mouth could you? No, not you. Not the noble werewolf that is going to change the …"

"That's it," he spat, sliding off the examining table and struggling on his shirt.

"You are not going off like this." She shook her finger in his face, her own a study in rage. "I sent for Mr. Black to escort you."

"I don't need a bloody _escort_! What do you think I am?"

"An idiot," Sirius said, striding down the aisle. "Merlin, Remus, what the fuck…sorry Poppy…what got into you? You look like shite."

"Nothing," he grumbled, trying to button up his shirt with one hand, his left wrapped in gauze and tape. "If I had a Healer instead of this witch that is intent on teaching me a lesson instead of fixing me…"

"I did the best I could," Poppy snapped. "I can't fix everything as you well know."

"You could try!"

Madam Pomfrey clutched her hand to her throat as her bottom lip trembled and turned away, walking stiffly to her office and slamming the door.

"Christ, you made her cry." Sirius swallowed hard watching the witch's door. "You need to do something."

"I did. I got her out of my way."

"What's with you? I know it's the day after the moon but bloody hell man, I see you every month and you've never been like this. What did you run into? A whole friggin pack?"

"Right." Remus threw his robes over his shoulder, unable to get his arms into the sleeves and started for the door. "I just got the crap beaten out of me at the Ministry and a two hundred galleon fine for bleeding on their fucking floor."

"Lucy's going to be pissed."

"She left."

Sirius stopped walking and stared at Remus' back. "What did you say?"

Remus turned on his heel and levelled a glare at Sirius. "With in the last twenty four hours I moved back to England, chased some bloody wolves to hell and back trying to find their lair, my girl left and I've been beaten to a bloody pulp in the name of saving this fucking world by registering. How is your day going?"

"You forgot to mention that you made Poppy cry," Sirius said quietly. "She'll be back right? You said something and pissed her off?

Remus' eyes flickered to the Mediwitch's door as he swallowed hard. "I can't talk to her right now. I…"

"Wait here," Sirius nodded to a chair. "Let me say something before it gets worse."

"Take your time. I still have to check in with the zoo keeper." Remus turned and headed up to the Headmaster's office, oblivious of the stares and gaping students that watched his progress toward the circular staircase.

Walking in unannounced, he told Albus about his night in the woods, explaining that by the number of wolves present he knew there was an encampment but had been unable to find it. He Informed the Headmaster that if he went back to the area he would have to fight for dominance, as a lone wolf was easy prey and suspect. The Headmaster listened closely, making no comment, until Remus finished and indicated that he was leaving.

"You will not walk these halls in this condition again," Albus said sternly.

"This?" Remus laughed coldly. "No, I was told this was nothing compared to what they _could_ do to me. You see, this is what happens at registration these days. They don't read the laws any longer. They show us me will happen if we break them."

"I expected better of you," Albus frowned. "If you had not lost your temper you would not be in this condition."

"Right. If you believe that you need to find out why Rookwood was transferred to the division," Remus said standing. "Sorry. I should have realized this was my fault. Perhaps I should send a letter of apology to Greyback. Here I thought it was his doing all this time."

"Mr. Lupin," Albus called him back sternly. "You will use the floo. You have been told not to show your self in this condition to the students."

"I have also been told werewolves are no longer allowed on the network," Remus spat. "Any other suggestions?"

They turned to the door as Sirius knocked on the frame, raising his eyebrow in question. "You ready? Sorry sir, I told Poppy I would get him home."

"Use the door behind my desk," Albus said, waving his wand and moving the bookcase. "And, Mr. Lupin, next time wait until you are presentable. I will not have the students unduly alarmed by your appearance or your attitude."

"Fuck him," Remus said angrily as they made their way to the main gate. "Wait until I am presentable? Where would he suggest I go?"

"You want to head back or let me buy you a drink?"

"Another star for an otherwise wise perfect day," Remus laughed. "I am not allowed alcohol. I should just keep track of what the bloody hell I am allowed, the list would be shorter."

"I have a bottle back at the house," Sirius grinned. "You need to get drunk."

"I need to sleep." He muttered. "I can hope this is all a bad dream."

"So, how long do you think she will make you suffer?" Sirius watched him from the corner of his eye as the walked along, seeing his jaw clench. "That long, hey?"

Remus stopped and waited until Black turned back to him. "What happened last night? After I left, what happened?"

"Nothing…we ate. Lucy went up to bed before we finished…then…we just went on home. We thought we would get to see you before you took off"

"Did she seem…upset…or angry? Help me out, Prongs. I don't know what the fuck happened. She just… she said she…she loved me so she was leaving. Seemed to make perfect sense to her so maybe it's just me."

"I don't know. Nothing that I know of. You were away from her for so long…could there be someone else?"

"I asked her. She said no," Remus admitted. "Listen, you go on. I'm going to walk into town and grab some sleep."

"Lily will have tea ready," Sirius offered. "Come on, you shouldn't be alone. At least come grab a bite with…"

"Leave it go. I've been up since yesterday morning and I'm knackered."

"Wait," Sirius called out, hurrying to walk with him. "She had some appointment today, at the Ministry. Did it have something to do with that?"

"They probated her family's property. Her mother and uncle's…"

"So she gets the entire Spencer fortune? Bloody hell, she doesn't have to worry about the bills now."

"She did just fine before," Remus said uncertainly.

"So …now that she has money…you think…could she have just waited until she got enough to leave on her own? She may not think she needs anyone here now."

Remus took a deep breath and felt his chest constrict. "No, she's not like that…no. Prongs, I…fuck, it's not like I was supporting her."

They looked at each other in surprise as their pocket watches sent off a round of bell tones, signalling them to an emergency.

"I'll let them know you can't make it. The Headmaster just…"

"Forget it," Remus muttered, pulling out his wand with his right hand, his bandaged hand covering his pocket as he waited for the port key to activate, wincing as it did. "See you there."

He landed beside Sirius outside of a small country cottage. He could smell salt water and hear waves crash against an unseen shore. They also heard the sound of curses from the back and Remus waved Sirius to the left as he ran to the right, ignoring Sirius' pleas that they wait for the others. At the back corner, he paused, flattened his back against the house and waited until he thought Black had made it to the far side of the house. Stepping into sight, his wand held in front of him he saw Alice and Frank Longbottom, shielding a body that lay on the ground, throwing back hex for hex, in a match in which they were sorely out numbered.

"_Expelliarmus_!" Remus yelled at the same time he heard Sirius cast a _Protego_, sending a shield to the Longbottoms as he fell and rolled to the ground, firing off a Stupefy at a dark haired witch as he did.

Remus dropped to one knee, unable to find where the other curses were coming from until he saw Alice's body stiffen, her back arch as she threw back her head and screamed in pain. Following the shaft of light that held her in a Cruciatus, he threw a stronger _Protego,_ adding to the one Sirius had cast, trying to break the connection as two more masked and caped Death Eaters stepped out from under a Disillusionment charm.

Frank instantly flew backwards, blasted off his feet, his wand flying out of reach as Alice's ungodly screams ripped the night. Remus saw Lestrange grinning as he held his wand on her, stepping closer, Sirius in battle with the witch, the sound of laughter to his back. He lifted his left hand to hold a wandless spell, unable to throw more than a weak shimmer due to the bandage, he stepped into the shaft of light that held Alice victim as he shouted, "_Impedimenta!" _

_._

_._

"You are an idiot. They said you were but I didn't believe it," Alice leaned down and wiped his forehead with a cool wet flannel as he lay in the infirmary.

"Merlin." Remus closed his eyes against the glare of the single candle burning on the nightstand. "Who pushed me in front of the Express?"

"Do you want me to get the Mediwitch?"

"That or an _Avada Kedavra," _he ground out between clenched teeth.

"You shouldn't have been there," Alice said sadly. "Hold on, I'll get her."

He slipped back to darkness until he felt someone behind him, raising him up as foul tasting potions were poured into his mouth and a firm hand began to massage his neck and throat, another lightly slapping his face.

"Wake up, Moony. She's going to floo St. Mungo's if you don't and you know what that means. The vet cometh."

"Prongs?" He choked, coughing as he struggled to sit up. "Put the light out."

"Better?"

"As long as I keep my eyes closed," he snipped, suddenly remembering what had happened. "Frank…where is Frank."

"I made him go home. He has to work in the morning." Alice sat on the side of the bed and took his hand. "He's fine."

"Who was that…the one with LeStrange."

"My aunt," Sirius snorted. "How do you like the family so far? Nice loving family I come from. You should come during the hols, a real sight."

"I've seen her before," Remus said, leaning back on the headboard. "She was talking to Greyback in the Alley."

"Diagon?" Alice asked. "It's getting worse. They don't even hide any longer."

"Who was it? That you had on the ground?"

"Baxter and his wife," Alice said as she stood. "We got a call that they needed help. We thought…they were already dead when the call went out. It was a trap."

"My dear aunt and her husband got away," Sirius told him. "As soon as you went down Gideon and Marlene showed up and they left with the rest. We fucked up."

"Anti- Apparation," Remus sighed. "The old man is going to have a fit."

"No, you should have assumed Frank or I set it. They were waiting. We didn't have time. We walked right into it. I've already given Albus the report. What he is going to give you is bloody hell for showing up in your condition and taking the curse for me."

"He was making it stronger. I thought I could break it."

"You did, but too late. Merlin, Moony, we thought we had lost you." Sirius said.

"Shhh," Poppy pulled back the curtain scowling. "This is not a private room. Walls have ears. Now, how is the patient?"

Alice and Sirius stepped into the Hallway while Poppy examined Remus, being more business like and more abrupt that she had ever been in the past. Waiting until she was done, Remus grabbed her hand and apologized for his previous actions. He saw her eyes moisten and finally released her, giving her permission to cause him as much pain as she wanted the next time he showed up unannounced and injured.

Swatting his hand until he let her go, she wiped at her eyes and managed a smile. "I spoke to that nice Rosmerta. She has a room set up for you until you are on the mend."

"I'm fine. Just…feed me and I'll get out of here."

"And be on your arse before you make it to the gates! You use the floo…no don't look at me like that…the floo here is connected to the Broomsticks…Albus claims he can block the user's identity and he set a ward on the door so you don't get into the school."

"Wants me gone that badly?"

"If Black takes you now you can be tucked away before she opens for the day."

"How long have I been here?" He swung his legs over the side of the bed, feeling his head swim.

"This is the morning of the fourth day," she said, lifting his lids and peering into his eyes. "Remus, I believe the spell hit you hard because you were still under the influence of the wolf. You have to be more careful and remember everything you have learned. If they had not brought you in so quickly we would not be talking now. Do you understand?"

Later that day, after sleeping and eating twice, Remus pulled out the suitcases he and Lucy had packed and found his clothes, needing to change from the ones he wore to his yearly registration and the duel. Seeing her red jumper, he enlarged it and held it to his nose. Smelling her perfume, the shampoo she used and the very scent of her he felt his eyes sting and once again wondered what had gone so terribly wrong. He suddenly felt like the young boy who had run to John with his problems and needed to see him, to talk to him and have a father close. Quickly shoving all of Lucy's belongings back into the case, he pushed it under his bed, needing to get to Diagon where he hoped to find John still on duty.

Remus used a Disillusionment charm once he was in the alley, stepping back into the shadows as the cold prickles ran down his spine, adjusting to the sensation that he hated. Waiting until the Aurors came to find the wizard that had just illegally apparated in, he stepped out and whispered into John's ear, hearing him mutter a meeting place in return. Walking in the furthest lanes of Knockturn Alley, Remus found himself instinctively lifting his hood to hide in even with the charm still on him.

"Remus?" John whispered. "Show yourself."

"Here," he said letting the charm down and stepping out where John could see him.

"In here." Dawlish pulled a door open, walked down a long dark hallway and opened another, entering into a dark stale smelling room. "I wouldn't drink anything that doesn't come in a sealed bottle but its safe it here. Sit."

They took a table at the back wall, where Remus could watch the door.

"I wanted to see you."

"I gathered that. Your mum enjoyed Germany. She wants to do it again."

"Lucy's left. I guess you can tell mum she won."

"Germany? So she took a new job? Good for her! I think if we give her and your mum a few more years they may even talk to each other again. They used to get alone fine," John said with an uneasy laugh. "What is it son?"

"She's left. Lucy. She…she left."

John leaned back in his chair and studied Remus' face. "Did you do something?"

"I don't know," he leaned on the table, looking up from under his brows. "She was fine…then the next thing I knew she…she was telling me…she was leaving."

"I have to ask this," John leaned toward Remus, looking into his eyes. "Did you hurt her? Did you…I know you would never do it on purpose…but did you…"

"No," Remus spat. "I don't understand. For years we…you know we lived together…finally when I thought things were good, that we could be together …you know…live together for good…she leaves."

"I'm sorry, son. Truly. She…I know she and your mum had a falling out…but she was a good girl. Give her time."

"She's on her own. When we left Germany, Albus pulled her personal guard. What happens to her now? Who watches her? I don't even know where the fuck she is."

"Does she have someplace to go? Friends she may be staying with?"

Remus shook his head and studied the tabletop. "The only person she was close to was the couple Albus had watching her. She didn't know. Bloody hell, she doesn't even know their real names."

"I'll keep an eye out for anything that comes through the Ministry. You have to understand that even if I do learn where she is…Remus, I…I won't tell you. No…listen. When she is ready she will let you know where she is."

"She's alone," Remus looked up at John, his eyes filling with tears. "It's my fault she's alone. What if it gets her killed?"

"It was her choice to go," John held up his hand to the barkeep and ordered two more bottles. "You are young. Give it time. Right now it feels like the end of the world but that will pass."

"I still think of Tiffany." Remus leaned back in his chair and tipped his head up to the ceiling. "I should give up. I just…every one I…"

"Come on, drink this." John pushed a bottle across the table. "I once knew this witch, Merlin, I was hooked on her. Thought I would kill myself if she kicked me out of her bed. I had it bad. Walked around hard all the time just thinking of her. She did once…kick me out…this bratty kid she had accused me of smacking her around after that…in front of the whole bloody town...sent me a howler. Almost smacked him instead I was so angry. I think I didn't do it for fear once I started I wouldn't stop. Things have a way of working out."

Remus laughed and shook his

"I wanted to, believe me," John chuckled. "Then I came back and there she was sitting on the barn floor watching you with a rat. I used to be one of those Aurors that followed the letter of the law. Did you know that? Did you know that before I met you and your mum I had given up ever having a family? A home? So unless we need to go fishing, and I think you are a little beyond that…drink up."

"I need something else," Remus said quietly. "I need to be able to travel. With all the new rules, it is almost impossible. I'm stuck."

"And you want me to lift the tacking spell?"

"You used to hide it when I was a kid."

"Underage magic is traced differently." John said thoughtfully. "Short of changing the wards on each and every floo and apparation point to allow you to travel…and that would be recorded in its self…I don't think it's possible."

"You'll look into it?"

"If you make me a promise," John lowered his voice. "That I don't hear from some toerag in the lunch room that you went into battle so beat up that you lasted less than five minutes and spent the next few days in bed. You mum was hysterical."

"That's what I like about the secret organization we have here. Everyone knows about it."

"Moody wants your arse."

"Tell him to get in line," Remus snapped, standing up. "This was a bad idea."

"Why? Because you don't like to hear the truth? Should we talk about your little show at the Ministry?"

"No, because I…" he started than shook his head. "I don't want to argue with you. Let it go, John. I can't take much more right now."

"I'll tell Rhea I saw you." Dawlish stood and clasped his shoulders. "Can I tell her you'll meet us some place?"

"Potter gets married in two days," Remus said, thinking of Lucy and that she was not going to be there with him. "Will you be there?"

"Rhea wouldn't miss it. She claims anyone that can tame James deserves a big turnout and a gift I can't afford."

The day of the wedding was hot and sticky. Humidity settled over the yard where rows of chairs where lined up, the guests fanning themselves and casting cooling spells as they milled around waiting for the ceremony to commence. Remus stayed towards the back of the crowd, waiting until he saw the rest of the guests start to sit, then snuck around to the front of the house, going in and finding Lily upstairs, just preparing to walk down.

"Remus," she cried out and ran to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We were worried you wouldn't make it. James would have been so disappointed."

"How could I miss it?" He asked, running the pad of his thumb down her jaw line. "You are beautiful."

"Thanks,' she smiled widely. "I'm a nervous wreck."

He looked up at the girls that were standing behind her, glad when she waved them ahead to give them some privacy."I just wanted to see you before you went down there."

"I heard about Lucy, I'm…"

"Not today." He put his finger to her lips, silencing her. "James is a lucky man to have you."

"I'm scared," she said, her bottom lip beginning to tremble. "What if I am making a mistake? What if he doesn't love me?"

Remus laughed and shook his head. "He has been after you since I can remember. I always thought that's what got him going after Snape. He still can't stand the idea that you have friends he doesn't know about. He would be jealous if he even knew I saw you in your dress before he did."

"I'm happy and I'm sad. I can't wait to get down there and I am scared to death to do it."

"I didn't see your parents."

"They won't come. We went to the Muggle courthouse this morning. I thought at least they would come there and we could…" She tried to smile. "It doesn't matter what they think. I live here now. James will be my family with you, Sirius and Peter."

"Ah, Lily," he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. "They'll come round. Before you know it they'll be coming to tea."

"Walk me down?"

He took her elbow as she lifted her dress to manage the stairs. At the bottom, he passed her off to Sirius, kissing her lightly on the cheek, watching as Sirius took her outside to her groom. As he looked on from the back door, he felt oddly out of place and felt the urge to leave, finding it difficult to breathe and wanting to put thoughts of weddings and witches behind him. Turning on his heel, he strode out the front door and apparated to Knockturn Alley to find the place he had been in with John, deciding he would get drunk on the day Potter was married. It was one promise to himself he planned to keep.


	59. Selling Hope

**Disclaimer: Not mine.**

**

* * *

**

**His Calling**

**Chapter 59**

**Selling Hope**

**

* * *

**

Remus sat at his usual table at the Hogs Head, an untouched glass of firewhisky in front of him, trying to judge if the young man at the bar was a wizard. Jerking his head at Aberforth, he saw the slight shrug and then the shake of his head, indicating his confusion as well.

There was something off. Something that Remus could not put his finger on. He watched the youth fidget with the hem of his sleeve, as if not use to wearing robes and the way he glanced at the door whenever it opened and did not turn his head from the streetlights, as was the habit of those that drank in this place. He could be on holiday, visiting a local family, or he could have newly found the world of magic after meeting with Greyback or one of his.

Leaning back and studying demeanour of the new comer, Remus' eyes came to rest on his shoes. They were not dragon hide, not the sturdy hand made leather uppers and hard soles that wizards wore, or trainers that the students managed bring in from the Muggle word. These were finely made boots, etched with symbols of runes and patterns that ran from ankle to calf. He watched the man's long slender fingers hold his glass, swirling the amber fluid but not bringing it to his lips.

Picking up his drink, he slid onto the stool next to the young man, striking up a conversation with the first Muggle turned wolf he thought he had found not in the company of others. He found the man's accent odd, his use of language archaic and his intensity alarmingly uncomfortable. It was not until the youth leaned into him and curled his upper lip that Remus knew what he was.

"I smell the wolf in you," the stranger said softly. "I would like to show you something."

.

.

Summer was gone and autumn almost over by the time Remus stopped into visit James and Lily, finding Peter and Sirius with their legs draped over the sitting room chairs, debating which team would win the World Cup and trying to get Lily to hold their bets. He leaned back into one of the new over stuffed chairs, crossed his ankles and watched Lily, who seemed nervous that he had stopped in. Waiting until she stepped out to the kitchen to collect cold drinks he took the opportunity to follow her.

"So, how's it feel to be an old married woman?" he teased, sliding behind the table, thinking she was perhaps angry at him not staying at the wedding.

"Fine," she said, keeping her back to him as she uncapped the drinks and reached for the glasses.

"Lily? Look at me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Would you rather I leave?"

"Oh, gods," she lowered her head and leaned her arms on the counter. "We want you to stay here with us. We are worried about you. James said just this morning he wanted you here, they all do."

"And you? Sorry, Lily, you seem…off."

"Of course I do, how could you think that? We went down to the stream last week, to your…your camp… looking for you. It appeared that you hadn't been back there for a while."

"I've been busy," he shrugged. "I should have said something ."

"Where have you been staying?"

"Is that what this is all about?" He avoided her question, a fact not lost on Lily.

She turned to look at him chewing her lip and jerking her head to the back door, and then called into the sitting room. "James! I'm running to the grocery. I'll take Remus with me."

"Fine, pick up something for afters."

She grabbed her jumper and yanked Remus out of the door with her, hurrying down the path to the main pavement.

"I can't talk to Sirius. He would just laugh at me and Peter's no help. He still treats me like James' Saturday night date that happens to cook."

Remus shoved his hands in his pockets, looking at her out of the corner of his eye, knowing her tendency to babble before getting to the point.

"I know, I know, I should go straight to James…but that's what worries me. With the war going on and him in the Order and I vowed to help with the fighting. I told them I would you know, Alice and I both swore we wouldn't let them down. Now…Merlin, they are short handed enough. I keep worrying about my family and wondering if they'll be dragged into it and then there's you. Bloody hell, I still set a place at the table for you every night. You could at least stop in the morning after your little romp to Merlin only knows where you go. We never know if you are hurt and laying out in the woods someplace bleeding or worse."

Remus nodded, feeling his lip twitch. "Lily, the grocery is only on the corner. You may want to cut to the end."

"I'm pregnant."

Remus stopped walking as she went ahead of him and disappeared into the shop alone. Turning back to look at the house he ran both hands through his hair, wondering what he was supposed to do now. He stood in the middle of the pavement until she came back and shoved a sack in his hand, glaring at him and starting home.

"Lily, wait." He fell into step beside her. "You haven't told James?"

"Why do you think we are buying chops I don't want?"

"I like chops."

"Good. You can eat all five. I have chicken in the oven."

"Thanks," he ginned, suddenly feeling happier than he had for a long time. "So, what is it?"

"A baby you idiot."

"I mean what kind. You know. Is it a boy or a girl?"

"One or the other," she snorted.

"I was just hoping it wouldn't have his father's sense of humour." He leaned down and peeked at her face seeing her eyes fill with tears. "If he doesn't want it I'll take it. That or Sirius has a side car on his bike."

She stopped and looked at him in horror, seeing the smile he was attempting to swallow. "Lily, he's going to be ecstatic."

"Do you think so?"

"If not kick his ruddy arse out and keep the three of us. I bet you can even teach Peter how to change nappies and I don't sleep much as it is."

"Alice is due the same month. That means the both of us…"

"Molly doesn't fight. She still does a lot. Lily, it isn't all about the duels and battles, we need the organizers and people to take care of the injured. You are good at healing spells. Trust me when I say I need a good healer, more than most."

She wrapped her arm around his elbow, leaning her head against his arm as they walked slowly back to the house. "You know I love you, Remus. I wish you would stay with us. The nights are getting so cold we do worry about you."

"You don't have room and you know its not…"

"Nonsense. Peter has his own place in Diagon, or at least his father is paying for it, and until the baby comes we have plenty of room." She started laughing and hugged his arm tighter "I feel better just having told you. Stay, please Remus. If you don't I'll tell everyone it's your baby and James just pays the bills. With all the rumours going around these days someone will believe it."

"You wouldn't dare," he laughed.

"No, I plan on blackmailing Sirius. He truly needs to stop chasing that skirt. She is going to hurt him."

"He's a big boy now, and if it's who I think it is, he'll dump her."

"Why wait? Wizards! I don't understand you at all."

"He already paid for tickets to the world cup game. He does this once a year."

"He's an idiot."

"That to." He reached in front of her, pausing before he opened the door. "How do you feel about it? Truly?"

"Oh, Remus, I can't t think of anything else. I want it so badly, so very badly…I'm just worried about James. I don't know how to tell him. With the war going on…it's not a good time and he worries so."

"Lils? That you?" James called from the sitting room as he heard the door open. "What took you two so long?"

"Three!" Remus called out. "All _three _of us are back."

"Fuck," Lily hissed, levelling him with a look.

"It's up to you now," he said grinning widely, then turned and strode into the sitting room. "Wormtail, grab Prongs. We are getting kicked out and you are paying for tea."

"Me? Why me," Peter said, standing up, looking confused. "Lily invited us for tea."

"Three? Who else is here?" James stood up starting for the kitchen.

"You are the only one working," Sirius grinned, "and she didn't invite us we just show up."

The three of them walked back to the grocery where Peter bought a bottle and headed down to the creek, laughing and wondering how James would take the news. Sirius kept grinning as if he had something to do with Lily's condition, telling Peter that they had to get down to London and buy the baby a leather outfit so he could ride with him on the bike.

"How do you know it's a boy?" Peter grumbled. "If Lily has her way it'll be a girl."

"I don't think it works that way." Remus snickered at him.

"Girls ride too. Ya know, I think I should get going," Sirius stood up, brushing off his trousers. "If I hurry I can buy him, or her, a broom before the shop closes."

"A broom? Bloody hell man, don't you think it could wait?" Remus laughed. "I thought you wanted to buy a leather?"

"That too. If I don't James will get it and he's not beating me to it," Sirius said with a lopsided grin. "Anyway until I can get into my vault it's his money. You two coming?"

"To Diagon? What do you say Peter? Go shopping for a broom that the kid can't ride for a few years or finish this bottle with me?"

Peter grabbed the bottle and took a swallow. "When this is gone I plan of getting another."

Sirius strode off, his hands shoved in his pockets, whistling as he went causing Peter to roll his eyes. Leaning back on one elbow he shook his head and told Remus about how hard the last few months had been for Black. Explaining that his cousin was seen openly cavorting with Rookwood and Donovan while her husband sat home. He let Remus know that although he thought all witches cheated on occasion that they should at least keep it quiet.

"Not all," Remus said quietly, taking the last swallow from the bottle.

"That bird Padfoot is fucking does," Peter laughed. "Saw her with some bloke down in Knockturn."

"They aren't together. He just sees her out now and then. That's different."

"What about that witch you were seeing? You up at Hogwarts all term and her alone…don't tell me she was sitting home twiddling her thumbs. Someone was twiddling her I'd say, and with more than his thumbs."

"Drop it," Remus said in a low voice, signalling Peter to stop.

"Sorry, man. Still don't trust her."

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it?" Remus felt his throat close, and his chest constrict. He knew if he got into it with Peter they would have a row and knew all it would do would be to further the rift that he felt growing between them.

"So, where is she now? Heard she moved back to Germany…or was it France?" Peter asked. "What? She grabs the money and runs?"

"Where did you hear that?"

"Around. Rumour has it she plans to make a go of her uncle's place. Open it back up…you know, same as he did, at least once a month."

"She wouldn't do that," Remus watched Peter closely.

"If what the Order says is true that was quite the raid we read about in the Prophet. Never did find out how they found that place. No one's talking."

"I never heard," Remus muttered, looking away.

"Thought there for a while it was you. Had to be another wolf, someone that could get close enough without being recognised." Peter stood up and threw the bottle to the far side of the creek. "Anyway, it would make sense. If the Order thinks they cleared the place, she could let the bastards back on. Who would look?"

"You heading back to Diagon?" Remus said, changing the topic.

"Yeah, my dad is stopping by tonight."

"How are you two getting on?"

"Not good, not bad. He talks, I pretend to listen."

"He still for The Great Fucker?"

Peter laughed and nodded. "If the Order doesn't step it up we're in trouble. Dad says his …Lord…has at least ten times the numbers that we do. Werewolves, vampires, even the giants and they are saying he is filling in his army with a whole shite load of Inferi. Takes a lot of power to do that. Even Albus said it was hard."

"You've talked to Dumbledore?"

"Yeah, of course," Peter frowned at him. "You think I would keep this from him?"

Remus returned to his camp that night, packing up his belongings and heading back to Potter's place to pick up the potion that would get him through the next several months. After settling into his room as Lily put out extra pillows and blankets he sat listening to James brag and worry at the same time about being a father. Telling Lily not to worry, that he had a job repairing a fence on a local Muggle farm and would be back to enjoy his new room in a few days, he gave her a hug and started up to Hogwarts.

This was the first time Remus had been able to get away from the encampment that Sanguini had taken him to after they had left the Hogs Head. At first Remus had been reluctant to stay, sensing the distrust and anger that the werewolves had greeted him with being in the company of one they considered even less then themselves. However after Sanguini spoke for him, they had reluctantly agreed he should be a part of their commune and had made room for him in one of the shacks.

After trudging up the hill to the castle, wanting nothing more than a warm bed, he found himself once again sitting across from Albus, admitting his mistake in misjudging Sanguini, at the same time confirming the information that he had heard.

"You are sure he is as he says?" Albus asked, his hands behind his back as he paced.

"Not a doubt. We supply him with small animals, rabbits and the like. He drains the blood and the witches cook the meat for the rest of us." Remus said softly. "He doesn't live there. However, he shows up to feed daily. I thought he had just discovered this world, but it is only the customs here he is unfamiliar with."

"He was not recruited here?"

"No, it is my understanding He Who Must Not Be Named found him in Albania."

"How many like him?" Albus asked.

"None that I have met. However, he talks of many more that he lives with…at least a dozen. Wolves? Nine wizards," Remus leaned forward, putting his arms on his legs and looking at the ground. "Three have wives with them. I think that's the worse part. They have a shed the witches are locked into for safety. I never imagined what could happen to the rest of the family."

"It is their choice. A choice, I am sure, made from love. Do you doubt Rhea would have done the same if she did not have the means of which to keep you safe?"

"Love? If the wizard loved her, he would have left her and not make her live like that. These are not children, these are…Merlin," he sighed and leaned back in the chair. "Where are the children? We know Greyback prefers them. We know they are out there."

"I personally know of a pair or delightful witches. I do believe them being infected enables them to better understand and care for the young. We have also been granted permission to house their growing family in a rather large farm."

"The Spencer place? " Remus asked, stopping short of asking how he had contacted Lucy. "There are rumours that she is opening the place to Greyback."

"It is a rumour that serves its purpose well and lends some degree of safety to the witches."

"The women are a good influence I think. They are more likely to stay out of the war and try to help me convince the others. That's what I am working on at the encampment. It's hard. The place is full of petty jealousies. If the men had work…something to look forward to, a way to support their families…that's what Greyback gives them. The promise that things will change."

"We can make no promises." Albus said sternly. "This Sanguini, what is his interest in this?"

"More promises. He…he surprised me." Remus chuckled. "When he showed me what he was I must have acted the same way people do when they learn about me."

"Prejudices are a hard thing to be rid of. I am sure he is quite used to your reaction."

"He laughed at me," Remus grinned. "I must have looked like a bloody idiot, a werewolf sitting in front of a vampire at loss for words."

"I want you to come back after the next moon," Albus instructed him. "Until that time you will not be called for Order Business. We do not need your absence noted if we succeed in our next mission."

Remus finished talking to Albus, telling him of his recent visit to the Potter place and that he planned to stay in their spare room on occasion. After drinking a cup of hot tea that Albus had sent up from the kitchen, and shoving the sweets in his bag, he returned to the camp. He changed into an old tattered jumper and baggy trousers, shoving his good clothes into a knapsack he had slung on his shoulder. Walking to the back of the property, he made his way under a hedge and to the small shack he shared with two others.

"What did you get?" Lawrence jumped up and grabbed his backpack, throwing the clothes on the floor and dumping out the rest. "Chops! Merlin, it's been over a year since I had a chop."

"Eat them before they turn," Remus said, picking up his clothes and tossed them to the bed. "Keep looking. I have pudding in there."

"Fuck," Henry snorted. "Next time you should take us with you. Do they know anyone else needs work done?"

"We shouldn't be seen together," Remus said with a scowl. "I go back tomorrow. I'm doing some repairs around the house. I'll ask them…but things are tight out there."

"They pay you in galleons or food?" Lawrence asked with his mouth full.

"Does it matter?"

"I'd like a bottle," Henry said, sulking as the poked at his chop. "We need fuel. Coal for the burner. Bloody cold in here last night."

"I'll work on it." Remus sat on the edge of his bed, pulling off his boots. "Heard there's amnesty talk going on."

"What for?" Henry asked, carrying his dinner and sitting on the edge of his own bed to enjoy it.

"Us. Animals. Talk is that any of us that don't take sides will…"

"Right, if we register and let them castrate us."

Remus pulled down his trousers and showed them the tattoo on the inside of his thigh, quickly pulling them back up. "Didn't castrate me. You just have to play the game."

"Right," Henry laughed. "What did it get you? You are the same place we are."

"I still have hope," Remus said quietly. "What do you have?"


End file.
